Suggestions for Biden

Stop sayin malarkey

Stop saying “Let’s be clear,”

Get more sleep, Joe. We need you.

I think you should fuck off.

Take a cognitive evaluation exam.

Find a new line: We're the United States of America. There's nothing we can't do when we put our minds to it.

Stop with: I'm not kidding and I mean it. You better fucking mean it.

Accept it: Beau's dead. He's not coming back. We've moved on, if you can't go back to Delaware and think about him all fucking day.

You ungrateful pricks. How quickly you forget this was the man who rescued us from Donald Trump’s menacing second term.

Fuck all of you Biden haters.

Stop mumbling incoherently.

Avoid certain hot-button topics that, if misconstrued through jumbled grammar, could start a nuclear war.

Pills

Stop being a near corpse

Stop slapping people’s faces!!

Stop having dementia!

Let it go.

Resign.

Shoot Trump on TV and claim presidential privilege

It's all his mush brain knows.

Drop out.

Start IV Aricept, stat.

R19 Unbeknownst to him, he’s been on a nightly Aricept drip since 2020, but his doctor calls it “go-go juice.”

Get a new makeup artist.

Stop squinting!

Close your pie hole. Looks like you're trying to catch flies.

I love you, Mr. President. I really do. But could you please send me just ONE email in which you don’t ask me for money? Even one would mean so much to me.

I know you and Kamala are all that’s standing between us and a failed casino operator who thinks “celebrity privilege” is great because then you can grab women by the genitalia — you have heavy responsibilities keeping that low-life scum at bay — but please don’t ask me for any more money.

I agree

Stop saying, “No joke.”

Stop being a black woman, Joe'Quisha.

Don't. Let go.

Walk towards the light.

Close the mouth.

Next time you're in a room with Convicted Felon 45, kick him in the balls, pull off his wig, and tell him "That was from the American people, Fats.".

Then, put your aviators on and walk away.

Stop nodding off. Gives the wrong impression.

R31 shuffle away, shuffle away, then have Dr. Jill help him down the stairs.

Stop saying, "Look," the way Obama used to. Obama used it as a preface to clarity and insight. You're using as a senility filler/disguise. It's not working, Gramps!

Right, R32. Sleeping in the middle of important life events, like a felony court case, is only allowed if you're Donald Trump.

Just please, either step down gracefully immediately and graciously anoint your successor OR just hold it together long enough to beat Trump. No more public meltdowns.

Don't Stop Believin'

Tell us if your dick is as big as brother Frank and son Hunter.

Frank Biden

Let me win! Many people would agree with the decision!

Stop constantly repeating yourself like Joey two-times from Goodfellas.