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Let’s be straight guys

I’m saying “bro” constantly, so you know I’m not gay.

by Anonymousreply 79July 10, 2024 8:32 PM

I’m the towel slapping in the locker room.

by Anonymousreply 1July 6, 2024 4:27 PM

i'm the spitting

by Anonymousreply 2July 6, 2024 4:37 PM

i'm the ball scratch

by Anonymousreply 3July 6, 2024 4:38 PM

I’m the unwashed ass. No soap has been in that region in decades.

by Anonymousreply 4July 6, 2024 4:43 PM

Just like "I’m saying “dude” constantly, so you know I’m not gay."

The "bro" and "dude" trend mimicking straight men is ruining gay porn.

by Anonymousreply 5July 6, 2024 4:48 PM

R5 shut up, bro

by Anonymousreply 6July 6, 2024 4:51 PM

I’m Rogaine!

by Anonymousreply 7July 6, 2024 5:03 PM

Why do straight me always scratch their nuts?

by Anonymousreply 8July 6, 2024 5:05 PM

I’m the terrible tattoos.

by Anonymousreply 9July 6, 2024 5:07 PM

"No soap has been in that region in decades."

Because everybody knows messing around "down there" is g-a-y.

No homo!!!!

by Anonymousreply 10July 6, 2024 5:11 PM

I’m the wife-beaters

by Anonymousreply 11July 6, 2024 5:11 PM

I'm the opinions about baseball.

by Anonymousreply 12July 6, 2024 5:13 PM

I'm the complicated facial hair styling. I am the substitute for weight loss and good grooming.

by Anonymousreply 13July 6, 2024 5:14 PM

I'm the Trump voter cuz I don't want my bro friends to think I'm a wuss. I'll do anything to fall in line with what men around me want.

(Seriously - it IS the conservative male mindset and the biggest Trump voting block is white straight men.)

by Anonymousreply 14July 6, 2024 5:17 PM

I stink to high heaven because I was mommy's wittle pwince so perfect in every way no showers required.

by Anonymousreply 15July 6, 2024 5:50 PM

I use the word SWEET way too often.

by Anonymousreply 16July 6, 2024 5:54 PM

I can’t have a conversation that doesn’t involve football.

by Anonymousreply 17July 6, 2024 5:56 PM

I'm wrestling.

by Anonymousreply 18July 6, 2024 6:00 PM

I’m the lifted 4 X 4 truck with mud stains.

by Anonymousreply 19July 6, 2024 6:02 PM

Good call to cover that ugly face.

by Anonymousreply 20July 6, 2024 7:19 PM

Let’s be the way larger dating pool.

by Anonymousreply 21July 6, 2024 7:21 PM

I'm Joe Rogan, I am the secret lust that every straightie has for me

by Anonymousreply 22July 6, 2024 7:22 PM

I'm all the gays lusting after them.

by Anonymousreply 23July 6, 2024 8:21 PM

whenever someone compliments me and tells me I'm creative, or refers to my creativity, right away I shift it to the less flowery "Well, I'm an ideas guy."

by Anonymousreply 24July 6, 2024 8:34 PM

I’m the confusion about my wife’s sex drive. Before I put a ring on it, she was as nasty and uninhibited as an alley cat. Now that we are married and a kid came along, she hardly wants sex. Was it all a rouse?

Also the resentment for getting into this marriage bullshit. I tell my gay coworkers they have it made. All the sex they want. No expensive kids. Spouse loves sex or will allow a hall-pass. I dread going home after work.

by Anonymousreply 25July 6, 2024 8:44 PM

I’m the use of “bad boys” as a generic plural noun.

“Give me a couple of those bad boys straight off the grill. Thanks, bro.”

by Anonymousreply 26July 6, 2024 9:02 PM

I am the ever-present baseball cap. Forwards or backwards depending on how formal the situation is.

by Anonymousreply 27July 6, 2024 9:02 PM

I’m so laser focused on the chicks’ tits I can’t even recall the Super Bowl score from last year.

by Anonymousreply 28July 6, 2024 9:06 PM

If you only knew how tedious your posts are.

by Anonymousreply 29July 6, 2024 9:06 PM

I’m a wealthy white straight bro who listens to rap music

by Anonymousreply 30July 6, 2024 9:09 PM

I honestly don't know the difference between a washer and a dryer.

by Anonymousreply 31July 6, 2024 9:13 PM

28??? Try 48.

by Anonymousreply 32July 6, 2024 9:27 PM

I’m the premium handguns!

by Anonymousreply 33July 6, 2024 9:27 PM

You are completely right, R31. I forgot my sister would weekly drive over to my 40-something y/o nephew's house, pick up his dirty clothes, take them home and launder them, then drive the clean clothes back over to his house.

I think my sister stopped when COVID struck and said nephew was allowed to work from home. By then she figured he had plenty of time on his hands to wash his own damn clothes.

by Anonymousreply 34July 6, 2024 9:34 PM

I'm jealous.

by Anonymousreply 35July 6, 2024 9:55 PM

When a woman tells me she's a lesbian, I know that's just a challenge for me to prove to her that she's not. I'll flirt and call her sexy because all women like being told they are sexy. When she tells me I'm creeping her out, I know I'm getting through to her. All women want cock. Especially mine.

by Anonymousreply 36July 6, 2024 10:00 PM

They flirt with gay men too, honey.

by Anonymousreply 37July 6, 2024 10:04 PM

I am their crazy-eyed rallying cry: “Let’s GO!”

by Anonymousreply 38July 6, 2024 11:23 PM

I'm the awkward bromance

by Anonymousreply 39July 6, 2024 11:24 PM

I'm knocking on your dorm/frat room door at 2am when I didn't get any pussy at the bar.

by Anonymousreply 40July 6, 2024 11:26 PM


by Anonymousreply 41July 6, 2024 11:26 PM

When I say "Bro, I would totally suck you off." to the guys in the locker room, they know I'm just giving them some buddy praise.

by Anonymousreply 42July 6, 2024 11:27 PM

I’m the neck tattoo!

by Anonymousreply 43July 6, 2024 11:43 PM

I'm the first anal sex try with the girlfriend and the surprise of lots of shit on my dick. Never saw that at Pornhub.

This one works for gays as well.

by Anonymousreply 44July 7, 2024 12:32 AM

I never remember what how me and my brahs end the evening. I guess we all just pass out at the same time.

But boy am I sore in the morning. Must be something in the mojitos. Beers, I mean.

by Anonymousreply 45July 7, 2024 12:39 AM

I’m the straight gentleman caller. Yes, I’ve dabbed into that Lady Lindzebelle quite a few times.

by Anonymousreply 46July 7, 2024 1:06 AM

I’m the guy taking advantage of R37.

by Anonymousreply 47July 7, 2024 1:29 AM

We’re the slides. Worn with (questionably recently-laundered) short, white gym socks. In fine steak restaurants. And with herds of similar other straight guys, under alternating front- and backwards-worn baseball caps.

Oops, I forgot also the mandatory leg tats; and those twisty wrist and ankle bracelet things.

by Anonymousreply 48July 7, 2024 2:25 AM

I'm the Instagram models they follow and all the "you're so sexy" comments they leave on every post.

by Anonymousreply 49July 7, 2024 2:27 AM

I say bro a lot. But then again I’m a bisexual whore.

by Anonymousreply 50July 7, 2024 2:30 AM

The effortless masculinity.

by Anonymousreply 51July 7, 2024 3:37 AM

R51 - the 'effortless' was born from tons of conditioning and fear of being ostracized. Very few have it organically.

And straight women don't allow them to act differently either - despite them stating that they do.

by Anonymousreply 52July 7, 2024 5:00 AM

Excellent point.

by Anonymousreply 53July 7, 2024 7:29 AM

I put lighted fireworks on my head

by Anonymousreply 54July 8, 2024 3:13 PM

r8 Because other guys' nuts are usually covered up.

by Anonymousreply 55July 8, 2024 3:28 PM

r23, please read the thread title again. It's called "let's be straight guys", not "let's be gay guys".

by Anonymousreply 56July 8, 2024 5:13 PM

shut up cunt.

by Anonymousreply 57July 8, 2024 5:47 PM

I'm the Under Armour logo on every piece of clothing.

by Anonymousreply 58July 8, 2024 6:16 PM

I'm the overcompensating.

by Anonymousreply 59July 8, 2024 8:05 PM

I’m the yeast dick.

by Anonymousreply 60July 8, 2024 8:44 PM

I'm the one saying Judy who? Julie who? ... They are fucking hopelesswhen it comes to classic movie icons and movies. The gays keep so many artistic things alive.

by Anonymousreply 61July 8, 2024 8:56 PM

I'm the overwhelming scent of urine and B.O. that every straight man seems to have about them. I'm also the Axe Body spray used in excess in an attempt to cover up the fact that I haven't showered in days.

by Anonymousreply 62July 8, 2024 8:58 PM

I’m the taking Star Wars seriously.

by Anonymousreply 63July 8, 2024 8:59 PM

R62 I’m the femme kween who likes that stench because it reminds of being rap.. I mean, my Uncle…

by Anonymousreply 64July 8, 2024 9:00 PM

I'm the dingleberrys that cause skid marks on their tightie whities.

I'm the half hearted hugs between two bros. We don't press our bodies against each other so we slap each others back.

by Anonymousreply 65July 8, 2024 9:43 PM

I'm Christian-adjacent, so I say 'brother'.

by Anonymousreply 66July 8, 2024 10:00 PM

I’m the dingleberries “brother” says are god’s will

by Anonymousreply 67July 9, 2024 8:55 PM

I've got the world in the palm of my hand.

by Anonymousreply 68July 9, 2024 9:08 PM

I'm actually a transbian but I want to trap my wife with a few small children first.

by Anonymousreply 69July 9, 2024 9:17 PM

Ya wanna fuck me?

by Anonymousreply 70July 9, 2024 9:24 PM

I'm the tacticool wear and holstered gun. None of these douchebags with the jarhead haircuts have never even been in JrROTC

by Anonymousreply 71July 9, 2024 9:25 PM

I'm "Cubans."

"My bro at the smoke shop slipped me some Cubans. Dope as hell."

by Anonymousreply 72July 9, 2024 11:17 PM

Let's be paunchy at 30... and fat at 40. Let's continue drinking disgusting beer.

by Anonymousreply 73July 9, 2024 11:21 PM

I know how to fix things and spit.

by Anonymousreply 74July 9, 2024 11:49 PM

I’m the smell of feet, B.O., jizz and stinky laundry, I don’t need to wash anything, I just spray febreze on it. I’m also pissed off all the time because I never get laid. My personality isn’t great either, and I’m not that smart., I also really cannot understand that I have to make 10% improvements (as a start) in all these areas, or be so rich that anyone will put up with my shit.

Why won’t bitches fuck me? I’m a fucking catch!

by Anonymousreply 75July 10, 2024 1:58 AM

I'm constantly cruising for pussy, even though I have a wife and two female fuckbuddies. I wouldn't turn down any sexual overture.

by Anonymousreply 76July 10, 2024 2:11 AM

"I've got the world in the palm of my hand."

You've got your dick in the palm of your hand.

by Anonymousreply 77July 10, 2024 7:40 PM

I'm dying on a "buddy's" lawn after a long night of partying.

by Anonymousreply 78July 10, 2024 8:08 PM

I'm the refusal to kiss another guy (I have no problem fucking him or sucking his dick), because that would mean i'm (whispers) G-A-Y.

by Anonymousreply 79July 10, 2024 8:32 PM
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