Really bad movies

It’s a tie: The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover

and

The Blair Witch Project

Even Caligula pales in comparison.

Ruby’s Dream with Joe Pesci, Titanic 666, Wake the Witch, Lost in the Dark.

Cabin Boy

Into the Woods

That stupid Gotti movie with John Travolta

Waterworld wins this hands down for me. Even Plan 9 From Outer Space was more coherent and believable

Angel Heart. Just horrible.

Cruising.

Meet The Parents, Meet The Fockers. and Little Fockers

Celebrating fifty years of inflicting agony in 2024.

R8 I hope you are in therapy for your PTSD for that, there are some promising new treatments now.

And with over a dozen tours of duty under your belt, you need them

At my age, I've seen more movies than I can remember. I've probably forgotten any bad ones I saw 30 or 40 years ago. A couple of years ago, though, I streamed the Austrailian film "True History of the Kelly Gang", which was the worst movie I had ever watched. But I recently watched "I Saw the TV Glow". What a piece of shit. I still think "Kelly Gang" is the worst, but "TV" is giving it a run for its money.

I don't see movies I don't think I'm going to enjoy, but Black Swan was horrible. I don't know how I kept myself from walking out of the theater.

"Light Sleeper" from 1992 with Willem Dafoe and Susan Sarandon. Ugh.

Seberg.

V.I. Warshawski was awful. Worst music I've ever heard in a theatrical release. Great casting, horrible execution.

The Reincarnation of Peter Proud

My best friend and I use John Houstons' The Dead as the measure for worst movie we ever sat through.

We were college sophomores and I dragged her to it. She still holds it against my movie picking abilities.

The Prince of Tides

Ishtar

That’s plain dumb—it’s a very fine film. R16

R16. And I think The Dead is probably one of my top 20 movies. But I love the Joyce story, the Hustons, and the universally superb cast.

M. Night Shyamalan's Old.

The premise was decent. The execution ruined everything.

Cat People.

Noah. Holy shit indeed.

Three that come to mind are THE FIRST WIVES CLUB, the Kenneth Branagh FRANKENSTEIN with DeNiro, and MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING.

Paddington fucking 2. Rule Britannia post-Brexit agitprop.

Sex and the City. The second one was especially cringeworthy.

I forgot to mention the first SEX AND THE CITY movie as another one of the absolute worst I've ever seen. I've heard from many people that the second one was even worse, which is hard for me to imagine.

The last one I paid to see was a Hulk movie directed by Chang and Eng or whatever his name was (he of "crouching tiger hidden bullshit)" I forget who played the hulk, he looked like a poor man's Victor Garber. Horrible doesn't even begin to describe how horrible it was. .the guy played Victor Von Doom on something else and I so don't care I'm not even going to Google it.

Tarzan, the Ape Man, starring the irrelevant Bo Derek. What a piece of crap.

“They’re painting my hair! They’re painting it WHIIIIITE!” One of the worst line readings in movie history.

Eye of the Beholder with Ashley Judd and Ewan McGregor comes to mind. I saw it at a second-run movie theater on a whim, and the audience was laughing out loud at certain parts (where that response was definitely not intended), it was so terrible.

I mixed up my actors. The hulk was Eric Bana.

Martyrs.

Agreed, R28, but that TARZAN did have the major saving grace of Miles O'Keefe's truly spectacular body, one of the most breathtakingly beautiful ever captured on film, IMHO :-)

Wind

"Hackers" with Angelina Jolie. Wretched.

Tied between The Blair Witch Project and The Dark Tower

I am sure I have seen worse movies but I was looking forward to those 2 and they both sucked so so so bad.

The Chronicles of Riddick, Ultraviolet, The Village, Mother!, and Baseketball were movies I actually walked out of, it was so bad.

The Number 23 and Boondock Saints.

Exorcist II: The Heretic

Talk to Me

The Human Centipede, bar none. This is the most depraved, disgusting film ever created and anyone who doesn't agree is just as depraved. And I never say something like that about opinions, but if you like this film, there is something inherently wrong with you.

It was Hawt!🧎🏼‍➡️🧎🏼‍➡️🧎🏼‍➡️🧎🏼‍➡️

Bad bad or fun bad?

As far as the latter goes, I'd say "The Lonely Lady." It was such a perfect object that I went back to the theater twice that week, not sure if I'd ever get to see it again (long before videocassettes and DVDs, much less streaming). When it was released on Blu-Ray after decades I got my first Blu-Ray player to watch it again.

"I don't suppose I'm the only one who's had to FUCK her way to the top!"

"Revenge" starring Kevin Costner, Madeline Stowe and Anthony Quinn. The only good part was when my friend farted and everyone around us got the giggles.

A dreary, dour and dull film in which nothing really happens. Roger Ebert gave it 11/2 ⭐out of ⭐⭐⭐⭐He was being generous. It was Kate Jackson's film debut, and though she has the lead female role, her name isn't featured on the poster. David Selby who play's Jackson's husband is an unappealing leading man. This was the second feature film based on the popular TV series. The first, House of Dark Shadows, is considerably better.

Moonfall. It’s jaw-droppingly terrible.

I'm going to have to say this has the worst poster for a movie

R35, I wonder, what were you expecting from THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT that you didn't get?

That Psycho remake with Anne HeHe and Vince Vaughn was beyond bad. I do have a fond memory of seeing it in the theater. My friends and I indulged in a little wacky weed beforehand and smuggled in some wine. At a tense, quiet moment in the film (not the shower scene, darnit), my friend Amanda kicked the wine bottle and you could hear it clinking all the way to the front of the theater. Followed by her really loud giggles. This always makes me 🤣.

R49, we're all sure glad we never went to the movies with you and your childish friends.

R50 needs to change her tampon.

Last Rites, starring Daphne Zuniga as some sort of seductive Mexican mistress to a mob boss. She seeks help from a priest (Tom Berenger) and ends up having sex with him. Zuniga has so much trouble with her accent AND acting sexy, that when she gets shot at the end of the movie, it’s a relief.

BreakingTthe Waves with Emma Watson. Written by Lars von Trier

Gummo.

I walked out of the theater and waited bored in the lobby for my friend to finish watching it.

I couldn't take it, i felt such a visceral sense of disgust and loathing

The Box

Synecdoche, New York

Anything with Madonna

American Woman with Sienna Miller, Aaron Paul, and Amy Madigan. Boring as fuck.

Blood Sucking Freaks.

As someone once said, "If you enjoy watching this movie, I honestly don't want to know you."

Marguerite Duras' 1975 film "India Song". Total dreck. I tried watching it in 15 minute intervals and still gave up.

The Main Event, Funny Lady, The Mirror has Two Faces...

r48, entertainment

“Tommy Boy”

“Pret a Porter”

Anything with Madonna.

Tommy Boy is funny!

Jeanne Dielman, 23 Quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles

Them’s fighting words, r63!!! Lucky for you the people calling it the best movie ever probably can’t throw a punch.

I loved “Jeanne Dielman”. I thought I’d be bored but surprisingly was into it and watched through without stopping.

My friend and I walked out after half an hour. Pretentiously arty and pointless

Iron fucking Weed.

Helllllooo???

I actually don't think Hallmark Christmas movies are bad, r68. True, they are formulaic, but that's a large part of their charm. Visually, the films are quite beautiful, not unlike Christmas itself.

Other networks that have tried to emulate the formula -- Lifetime, Netflix, that weird Christian channel that I think Candace Cameron Bure defected to -- haven't quite mastered that formula.

Breaks my heart as ONJs biggest fan but Two of a Kind was so horrible.

The Dolly Sisters

R69 they’re all scmaltzy rom-bombs

Oh, dear r72

R71, is it as bad as the TV series “Mr. Selfridge” starring the delicious Jeremy Piven? If so: that’s pretty bad.

Are you kidding me? Those Hallmark movies have flat photography and awful music.

Who watches a Hallmark Christmas movie and expects to see Fanny and Alexander?

I'm Thinking of Ending Things. By far the most depressing waste of time I have ever experienced. When you google the title you get a Suicide hotline, which is about how I felt after suffering through the Charlie Kaufman piece of crap starring creepy Jesse Plemons.

[Quote] Paddington fucking 2

Is that a porno?

"The English Patient."

IN case you never saw Iron fuckng Weed here's a dandy little clip for you.

I'm with r79, I fell asleep twice before I walked out.

But, then I will add to dull and boring, Moonlight.

The prelude to a Down Low hand job pissed me off because of all the wasted potential.

How do you decide between A Stranger Among Us and Shining Through?

[quote]M. Night Shyamalan's Old.

I will see your “Old” and raise you by one “Lady In The Water”.

It would take some contemplation to come up with a list, but off the top of my head, an instant answer, would be 'Eyes Wide Shut' (1999).

Good choice r54.

I remember seeing Shining Through with some friends at the .99 cent theater in our bumfuck town. When movies come around about a year after their release. We were in hysterics over this one.

R80 Pauline Kael on Ironweed

The movie has no momentum-the running time (144 minutes) is like a death sentence. The only moments of reprieve from all the sombre artistry come when Streep sings "He's Me Pal" in the all out, sentimental-Irish balladeer of a decade or two earlier.

Jonathan Livingston Seagull - it made me want to SCREAM BLOODY MURDER.

Much Ado about Nothing

R89 Oh, fuck I forgot about that. I dreamt about cutting MIchael Keaton's tongue out.

Woody Allen's musical Everyone Says I Love You (1996) Whatever Allen was aiming for- it didn't work. Woody's films have been tired and boring for decades.

"A sluggish, sputtering tune-fest performed almost entirely by the vocally challenged"-Washington Post

“Nothing But Trouble.”

Chevy Chase, Demi Moore, Dan Ackroyd.

The biggest piece of shit movie I’ve ever seen. Thirty l-something years later, it still takes the cake:

wow, I liked those movies. Nothing But Trouble was surreal and insane but unique. Eyes Wide Shut is hypnotic.

Battlefield fucking Earth.

Speed 2. OMG.

Twister had some really bad writing, especially Jami Gertz's character. But it was mindless, cheezy fun.

Vanilla Sky

Another terrible movie was THE PERFECT STORY. Great special effects but awful writing and acting. Although I can't really blame the actors, because the writing was SO bad.

[quote]Battlefield fucking Earth.

R94 I've never seen this, but I have heard from anyone that has that is an absolute steaming turd

No (love)/hate for Starship Troopers?!

I walked out of Magnum Force.

I also hated the original Starwars. I was 22 and griped on the way home that I wasn't a 10 year old boy obsessed with starship battles. Sorry...

Another vote for Branagh’s Frankenstein.

Johnny Mnemonic

Bonfire of the Vanities

Johnny Mnemonic was AWFUL

[Quote] Vanilla Sky

I love that Crowe called it that because he thinks it’s a cool expression, even though it has nothing to do with the story.

He had wanted to name one of his previous movies that, I think “Almost Famous.” The execs were like, what?

I had forgotten how much I hated “Shining Through!” What a stupid piece of crap. Like a 1950’s romance comic with swastikas.

But my all-time worst is still Disney’s “Babes in Toyland.” Total sugary, shitty kitsch! Like a turd covered with Technicolor frosting. Saw this in a theater with my older brother when it first came out. I was 12. Already I had some good sense.

The 1981 horror movie Possession starring the awful Isabelle Adjani.

The only redeeming factor is that Sam Neill is attractive in it.

The Thin Red Line.

Moment by Moment

Shanghai Surprise

💩 Rachel 💩 Getting 💩 Married 💩

Sommersby was awful despite the SIZZLING chemistry between Jodie Foster and Richard Gere.

That Crawdads Sing thing was total shit.

1997s Titanic aka Waiting for the Iceberg. Endless, unconvincing and I couldn't have cared less about the characters.

" . . . we catch ourselves thinking the unpardonable thought: OK, sink already."-WASHINGTON POST

Irma La Douce--horrible and ugly to look at

R97 I hated it too. "Vanilla Sky" is an awful and disappointing film, possibly due to Tom Cruise's involvement. It's unfortunate because it's based on the excellent 1997 The Spanish movie "Abre los ojos" (Open Your Eyes). The original film was outstanding, especially with its surprising twist.

Streaming on Amazon prime

Armageddon

My god, what trash.

Nothing But Trouble had the late, great Shock G, aka Humpty Hump.

NINE

Great source material and cast—Daniel Day Lewis, Nicole Kidman, Marion Cotillard, Penelope Cruz, Sophia Loren, Judi Dench—but the whole thing was a big snore and I can’t remember anything about it.

See also: THE PRODUCERS.

Anything by Jennifer Anniston

The Ralph Bakshi "Lord of the Rings" from 1978.

Assaultingly bad.

Over the Top. Or Rhinestone. Or Cobra. Or Rocky 5.

Stallone had a lot of real clunkers during his coke days.

Holmes & Watson with Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly. It was the only movie I've ever bailed on in a theater. It was THAT bad.

Howard the fucking Duck. The theater we saw it in had an employee in a duck suit come down in front of the audience and mime to what I’m guessing was the movie’s theme song. This only added to the strange experience of the film.

Bohemian fucking Rhapsody.

“Beyond the Forest”.

Oh gosh, so many. The one that comes to mind atm is The Avengers movie from 1998. Went to see it with my ex bf at the theater. The room was about 1/4 full. By midway through almost half the audience left. I don't blame them, it was absolutely dreadful! Hands down the worst movie I've seen in a theater. My ex was so disappointed, lol. He had a crush on the tv version of Miss Peel as well as one on Uma Thurman. I don't even know where to start. SLow pace, no chemistry, American made film so it doesn't get the nuance of British culture.

Que Horrible!

"as well as one on Uma THurman"

Six Days and Seven Nights.

i was enticed by the character of MGM mogul Louis B Mayer being in it, but Barton Fink meant I wasn't trusted to choose the movie we went to see, for a long time lol. It was just awful, to our gang anyways.

r121 YES! and rocketman.

I don't know why people like the Royal Tannenbaums or I Heart Huckabee's . I hate self indulging, plot lacking movies.

Moonrise Kingdom. Unattractive leading kids. Annoying Wes Anderson filming style.

Licorice Pizza. A missed opportunity for a better movie, as I actually love Paul Thomas Anderson’s work. Again, unattractive, uncharismatic leads, and a story that meanders endlessly to nowhere.

[quote]Licorice Pizza. A missed opportunity for a better movie, as I actually love Paul Thomas Anderson’s work. Again, unattractive, uncharismatic leads, and a story that meanders endlessly to nowhere.

"Unattractive, uncharismatic leads" is putting it very kindly and mildly.

Allan Quartermain and the Lost City of Gold.

My partner kept falling asleep and waking up thinking he was seeing the same scene over and over again. It was just dreadful.

Sorry Richard Chamberlain, they can't all be SHOGUN.

RV with Robin Williams. Truly dreadful.

the early sci-fi movies with keanu reeves...soooo bad

Sex and the City 2

The Tree of Life. I vowed never to watch anything by that director ever again.

Life of Pi is not bad visually, but it's very hallow in sentiment .I know the secret of life. It's whatever ending you choose? So delude yourself? That's the big reveal!? No. Just a bit off.

A friend and I got drunk and went to Rhinestone as a goof, and boy were we not disappointed.

Highlight was Sylvester Stallone trying to sing country music. His big number was how he turned into a monster when he was drunk, and it was called "Drinkenstein." We howled.

Ronaldo and Clara

Tokyo Trauma

Basic Instinct 2 , Elektra.

The Two Jakes. I watched it on TV with a friend. We were both utterly bewildered and abandoned it halfway through.

Movies are like pizza. Even the really bad ones are still pretty good.

That said, my vote is for Lipstick, with the Hemingway sisters. Exploitative, misogynistic garbage.

[quote]—Mrs. Albert Steele

Is that any relation to me, Mrs. Alfred Steele?

I haven't seen any of them, but people have told me about, well, I think it's now over 50, of the worst movies they've ever experienced and there is only one thing they have in common.

I mean, what are the odds?

Nell

[Quote] The Thin Red Line.

Arguably the best WWII movie ever made.

I felt like I was watching torture porn.

I like arty farty movies but I had zero idea what The Thin Red Line was about.

It was a complete jumble to me.

Reply 8 wins-Mame with Lucy-I still can’t believe that happened!

Just sayin,the pic of Mrs.Steele reminded me-“The Best of Everything” is great fun-you gotta see it at least once.

Snowpiercer

[quote]Movies are like pizza. Even the really bad ones are still pretty good.

Well, that's an odd opinion. But maybe you're lucky in that you've never seen a REALLY bad movie.

Staying Alive. The only good thing about it was the song.

Drive

That absurd space movie with Bullock

Xanadu was probably the biggest mess ever made.

Lost Horizons - the musical.

Shockingly terrible.

R157 Lost Horizon. Only one horizon.

Grease 2. Looks and sounds like it was being written while the cameras were rolling. Poorly cast, and even though she does her best, Michelle Pfeiffer looks and sounds totally ‘80s.

One Horizon, r157...

[quote]That absurd space movie with Bullock

WHAT???? That was a great movie in every way -- writing, acting, direction, cinematography, special effects.

The Paper

Bad Timing

Honeysuckle Rose

Mother Jugs and Speed

Hotel New Hampshire

My first “omg this is such a piece of shit” movie was American Anthem. ‘84 or ‘85. Sat through it because Mitch Gaylord’s buff bod had looked so hot in the trailer.

too many to mention

Another vote for Nell.

And I'll add The Crucible with Daniel Day-Lewis.