I'm posting this mainly for catharsis, but maybe also advice.
My cat had a scary, messy seizure last night. He's 9 years old, and this was the first time he'd ever had anything like this. It was pretty physical, and affected his entire body for about 5 minutes. Afterward, he lay there for a while recovering, and slowly got to his feet to limp into a corner to lick his wounds and recover. He seemed dazed, lost, and confused about what had just happened. This woke me up at 3am, and after checking on him and cleaning him up, I let him rest and went back to sleep.
Today, 12 hours later, he had another identical seizure in almost the exact same spot in the house. This time, I was more awake and observed the whole thing. I took video clips and noted the symptoms and movements. When it was over, he again seemed lost, and crawled under my bed to rest. I eventually coaxed him out and into his carrier, and took him to an emergency vet. Two hours and $900 later, they had no idea what was wrong with him. They said it wasn't rabies or poison or diabetes, and couldn't do any deeper tests without using a separate facility that costs about $3000 for a visit. And even then, they still might not know what's wrong with him. I don't have that kind of money to spend on something that may be a crapshoot, and had to tell them so.
They gave me a basic medication for him, and I said I'd watch over him for the next few days to see if these recur. I can take him to his normal vet next week and maybe get a second opinion. He might have more seizures, or he may never have another one. The vet said even if it's something chronic, like epilepsy, managing it with medication is very iffy and also expensive. She said he's not in pain during these seizures, but the comedown period afterward is disorienting because he doesn't understand what just happened to him. She said if it becomes a chronic, lifetime thing, I may need to think about whether his quality of life is suffering to the point that euthanasia might be the more humane option.
I feel horribly guilty over this in a way that surprises me. He's been my cat for six years, and neither of us is very affectionate with the other. He's not a lap cat, and we have our own little lives around the house. I never hurt him or abuse him, but I'm not as cuddly with him as other people are with their cats. I always told myself I'd be more affectionate with him tomorrow, and I have made big steps on that. But now he may be nearing the end of his life, and I'm left wondering if I really gave him as good a life as I could have. He has plenty of creature comforts and a nice quirky house all to himself basically, but I still think I should've hugged him more while I had the time.
He might still get better, in which case this needs to be a wake-up call for me to give more love. And if it turns out putting him to sleep is the most humane thing I can do for him, then maybe that one act will make up for working so many hours and forgetting to brush him every day.