Growing older

Who says getting old is great?

The only good thing about it is that I don't have to go to work anymore.

[quote] I’m sick of hearing people who say that growing older is great

Who is saying this, OP? Who are you listening to?

Simmer down, Cher.

And that's what I'm moving toward to, R1. I'm trying how to change six more years to go into four.

R2- Ricki Lake is saying that in the video I posted and the thread I started about her- she seems quite happy with her gay male husband.

It sucks. And retirement is boring when you're stuck in a small town. I should have stayed in NYC.

It’s better than being dead

Of course it sucks! - Death is nigh!

Don't look at it as growing older. Look at it as dying sooner.

I'm 63, in excellent health, despite 30 years of smoking and 5 years of functional alcoholism, but something really shifted in the past year or so. There is a realization that you've taken the exit off of the highway of adulthood and the end of the runway is in sight. I'm now on the road to decline and death. You just never think this will ever happen to you until it does. I'm still coming to terms with this.

One realization of realizing that you are old is that, to paraphrase Oliver Sacks, I was incredibly lucky to have been a sentient being on this earth. I try not to have regrets, but we take it all so fucking for granted.

I still work and plan to until I am 70 (7 years) because I do love what I do and my schedule, though full time, is like being semi-retired, but I don't take time for granted like I used to. I do feel older and wiser but still really clueless about it all, who really knows the purpose and meaning of it all.

I often sit on a park bench looking at people with a knowledge I never had before. I also sit there very aware of time passing and a sense of this miracle of being alive, a sense that was only rare epiphanies before. I don't know.

R6 don't despair!!!

I just turned 76. I'm in reasonably good health (especially compared to some of my friends) and have been in a wonderful relationship for 30+ years. BUT, I don't have the breadth of awareness and depth of energy that I had when I was younger. I always lose my glasses, so I recently ordered a glasses strap to hang them from my neck. With that, I've decided that I'm officially old. It's important to acknowledge that and stop pretending that nothing has changed. I still have lots to do, but I won't try something stupid like running a marathon or running for president.

I just turned 102. You’re never too old to rock n roll!

50s were fun. 60s kicked off with covid and now misc mechanical issues such as knees, back etc. I bet I would feel better if I lost 30 lbs and was skinny again. My knee doctor said as much. Said my body was used to being skinny for 50 years and is angry. Im very tall.

I wonder if our cohort of gays is different because of the epidemic. I think I went into a mild zombie for decades, keeping life, living, people at a distance, never trusting anything.

^^^mild zombie mode

I want whatever drugs R10 is taking.

Don’t move to a small town when you retire. It shaves of 10 years of lifespan. Stay in a big stimulating city.

R10, thanks, that was lovely. I am 51 and it suddenly feels very old and there is nothing nice about it. But there is hope and things to enjoy in life, i try to think to think that it is better nor to dwell so much on a thing we cannot avoid. I agree with what you said, it is truth. If one can find pleasures in life ( not everyone can) we should move along the best we can. Auguri.

Physically it sucks but I prefer the patience and wisdom of age. The perfect world would my youthful good looks and wisdom and lessons that I have learned now.

Oh, well.

Speaking of age, my mother has to get a hip replacement because her ball joint is dead. No blood supply. I didn't even know they could die. Not looking forward to that shit.

R20 and all, in a positive note i now find myself much more curious about issues like history, politics, current events, etc.

R21 because we're not engaged in the perpetual pursuit of sex and hedonism, I would imagine. I remember being in my twenties just living for the weekend to go strut my hot ass off, scoring blow, and having sex with random guys.

Now? No thanks.

R17, those sentiments and experiences aren't constant, but I find they are becoming more frequent. Believe me, I still wrestle with trying not to be petty, angry and an asshole.

I've started studying books and watching YouTubes about the Stoics which have been very enlightening and life changing.

- R10

Old age aint no place for sissies

I am not so sure old age is better than death.

It beats the only alternative.

[quote]I am not so sure old age is better than death.

Because of multiple medical conditions, I (M, 70s) have moments when I am envious of friends who died in the '80s and '90s. The moment usually passes, but I have no desire to live much longer. It's just common sense.

r10, you sound very wise.

In the real world, I'd love to have a coffee with you!

This song might make you feel better about growing old/older.

Willie Nelson recorded it for release on his 89th birthday. (He turned 91 this spring.)

I miss being young, some aspects of it anyway, but I could never go back because I’m a very different person now, more grounded, calmer, and yes, possessing wisdom, a concept that o never really understood until I approached sixty.

I really miss having endless energy endless sex drive and the ability to do whatever substance i wished to without the side effects and payback. I can get a hangover from 1 beer now. Im horny only a fraction of the time and if I go do something exciting and physical I feel beat for a day or two afterwards. The wisdom part of being old aint worth a shit.

r7 How do you know?

Getting older is NOT great.

I can handle the aging, but I'm terrified of losing my mental acuity. Also, I'm obsessed about personal hygiene, especially the "old man smell."

Additionally, I have many regrets. I don't dwell on them, but my heart aches a bit, still, over lost opportunities, and especially a lost love. He died nearly 8 years ago and missed the chance to say goodbye, in person. This was most painful, but I can visit his grave and light candles in church. (I'm a Catholic, and he was too.) I attended his funeral, though.

I count my blessings and move on. I'm married, retired last year, with excellent health care and a pension. I am so grateful.

Also, whenever possible, I make amends.

I'm grateful to still be here. To be anywhere.

Growing old is fine if you have money and good health. Once you get cancer or some other serious illness, it sucks.

[quote] Don’t move to a small town when you retire. It shaves of 10 years of lifespan. Stay in a big stimulating city.

If you can financially afford to live in a big, stimulating city, sure, do that.

I was priced out of a big city and moved to a small town. I actually made more money in the small town, plus my rent was lower. Also, I realized that not dealing with traffic removed stress and added maybe 3 years to my life.

I'm sixty-one and have enjoyed consistent excellent health. My vitamin D is so low I have to take supplements, but I only know this from having yearly physicals.

No one in my family has ever had cognitive impairment as they aged and my parents and grandparents all lived into their 80s, including the smokers and heavy drinkers! I'm preparing to live another thirty years.

52 here. The one benefit, for me at least, of getting older is that I'm so, so, so much more chill.

I rarely get upset, am much less judgemental, and I feel generally nicer.

I honestly don't get old curmudgeons. At this rate, I'll be s sweet old granny in 20 years.

Many of you are so maudlin and full of self-pity. You're magnificent!

In my 60s, I'm fine with it, and aware that a turn in my health could change everything. I have some health issues to watch, and have had for 25 years or so, but not my body becoming brittle or falling apart. No aches or pains or other limitations.

I haven't packed on weight. I can eat anything I like, sleep when I like, stay up when I like. I live in a city with lots of interesting things to do, where everyday life is easy, where I have lots of friends. I've always been good st being happy with what I have, and that ability has grown with age - and I don't understand sonne people 20+ years younger than me complaining that everything good is behind them. When that message isn't grounded in serious medical issues, it seems a fault in perspective.

I've never had a lot of sympathy for people who start complaining about old age when what they mean is they aren't getting fucked so much these days. Stop fucking pining, ffs, when you're fit and able and have a little money and all the makings of a nice life.

Watching the D-Day Commemorations this week offered a compelling perspective on youth and age. So so many very young men cut down before their lives had begun, their names now inscribed on that magnificent memorial in Normandy. So many men in their 90s determined to be there to honour their fallen friends. Those old soldiers I think will daily be aware of their luck in being alive.

[quote]I do feel older and wiser but still really clueless about it all, who really knows the purpose and meaning of it all.

There really isn't one.

If you're a fat whore, you can at least rejoice.

One of the few things I like about getting older is that I care less about what other people think. I can’t come up with too many others though.

I love these DL threads about an aging life.

I've come to know everything is a trade-off.

What I've lost in physical vitality, I've gained, in equal measure, wisdom. When I was young, I had physical vitality, but was dumb as a box of hammers.

One thing, though isn't a trade-off, there is no equal about it -

Humans are 0 for 1, 000,000,000,000 versus gravity.

R 10 you’re suffering from dementia

NOBODY SAYS THAT, YOU BUFFOON OP!

The saying is that "Growing old is not for sissies."

I agree with R23 - studying the Stoics is very helpful. And even the four noble truths of Buddhism, but I don't believe in reincarnation or anything supernatural like collecting Karma or whatever.

Such deep wisdom shared here.

Pfffft.

R48, I'm so sorry you're going through this A major illness, and you have more than a few, changes everything.

R48 = NOT A SISSY!

I turn 102 tomorrow. Am I excited? Not one bit.

Golden years my ass !

[quote] It beats the only alternative.

That's a cliché. Also, given the opportunity to check out peacefully, some people would.

r51: hi, Norman Lear!

My mom is 80 and says everyday when I'm visiting, "Do not get old". I always reply, "I would love to, but it's physically impossible.". She's starting to get a little forgetful with her short term memories, but has very "recollections may vary" with the long term ones- we always disagree about events that happened in the past. I've also noticed that she's become an alarmist about things- sending us links regarding identity left, phishing, crime, etc. Thank the gods she's liberal though- she hates Trump with a white hot heat of a thousand suns.

Growing horny

You're only as old as who you feel.

I’m 71 and have the money and time to do anything I want. The only problem is that I don’t want to do anything.

Getting older is not the greatest, but it beats the alternative. I hate that every time something new aches, I wonder is this it... is it cancer? I hate that pizza makes my stomach hurt. I hate it when people call me sir now. I hate that I think about stairs now. I hate that body parts I never used to think about have started letting me know that they are there, like knees.

But on the other hand, I like being financially secure and I like being able to see through a lot of bullshit. I also like the confidence that comes with getting older, you just don't sweat the small stuff.

I don't think a lot about it until I look in a mirror. Them's the breaks.

Of course it does.

I think previous str8 generations were cool with getting older. They 'achieved' things like moving out of the family home, getting a place, a steady job, some nice things. And of u look at older pics of young people, up to the 80s, they look old...and that's because kids and teens didn't get respect and so they tried to be grown up as early as possible. I think the human race from here on out will have a huge problem with ageing. So ur not alone OP. One thing I often use to help me is to think that my TV peers, like 90210 and Friends are ageing with me.

At 63 I'm feeling lots of aches and pains, but I'm amazed at what I can still do. I just tackled a landscaping project where I moved and placed 120 heavy flagstones, 60 bags of 50# rock, 40 bags of soil, 20 bags of mulch, and planted 20 aborvitae trees, all within about 2 weeks.

Just turned 70 last week, I feel good and have no complaints.

It's liberating. No one feels threatened by you and you also become invisible to anyone not around your age.

I’m usually ok with being older / getting older. I still feel excited by life, motivated to experience things.

One weird thing I’m noticing, though, is my interactions with strangers are often more joyful, more satisfying, than my interactions with friends and family. Isn’t that strange?

Like one day last week I was having dinner out. The (straight) couple seated next to me -tables very close together - started talking to me. And before I know it the server has brought over a glass of wine for me, courtesy of that couple. I’m sometimes overwhelmed by people’s kindness.

I don’t want to dwell too much on why this seems to happen. Just want to enjoy whatever good comes my way.

Another challenge of being older is that my sex drive is still raging. Not really a blessing because I cannot find sex partners easily. So I’m super frustrated. Friends say it’s great that I still want it, get hard easily, but I’m not so sure.

Plus, while my cock is great, my knees are fucked. And ultimately well functioning knees are way more critical than a constantly stiff penis. Walking and biking and even climbing stairs are ok. But walking downstairs hurts. Standing for too long hurts. And even though I’m old, people rarely offer me a seat on a crowded subway.

And on those rare days when I find a guy to fuck, the number of positions that work for my wonky knees is limited. And it’s a buzzkill to say, “Oh please move this way my knee is about to seize up.”

But back to the positive side of growing ancient, I am grateful to do what I want, go where I want, dress how I want… without caring if other people think it’s weird that I’m out somewhere nice by myself or somewhere late and lively though I’m old. I sort of try to live by this mantra - it came off a button people wore in the 70s I guess. It said, “Don’t die wondering.”

Forgive me droning on. (Something I know I do more often now that I’m aged.)

R59- How old are you?

Me too- I can't eat spicey foods- I have acid reflux and get heartburn easily. I can't eat pizza ( too high in sodium) If I eat any food that's even moderately high in sodium my blood pressure soars. My weight soars too if I'm not extremely careful about my caloric intake- I also weigh myself everyday to make sure my weight does not creep up.

I'm 58 years old.

[quote][R59]- How old are you?

I'm 53.

r67, are you on medication?

R69- For high blood pressure.

My spelling SUCKS nowadays.

I should have written spicy not SPICEY

r71, it's okay, don't beet yourself up.

R72- I grate raw beats into my salad every week.

It's a natural phenomenon, why worry? You will die eventually, no getting out of it so live it up the way you want.

You whippersnappers in your 50s and 60s!

My back and my hips didn't ache in those decades. I had more hair in those halcyon years. I took only one medication back then. I could pull weeds, stand in lines, and go for walks unaided. Now?

Now I'm on two BP meds. Now I rub pain-relief ointments on my lower back. I wear a hairpiece outside. And I crossed the fitness Rubicon just last week when I assembled my spiffy new....

All-Terrain Rollator!

So get off my lawn before I run you over! 👵

This IG skit had me all fucked up as a millennial gamer.

why do you start to feel less horny? in your 50s?

From James Thurber, 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫, excerpt:

"The moth left his father’s house, but he would not fly around street lamps and he would not fly around house lamps. He went right on trying to reach the star, which was four and one-third light years, or twenty-five trillion miles, away. The moth thought it was just caught up in the top branches of an elm. He never did reach the star, but he went right on trying, night after night, and when he was a very, very old moth he began to think that he really had reached the star and he went around saying so. This gave him a deep and lasting pleasure, and he lived to a great old age. His parents and his brothers and his sisters had all been burned to death when they were quite young.

𝑀𝑜𝑟𝑎𝑙: 𝑊ℎ𝑜 𝑓𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑓𝑎𝑟 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑝ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑠𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑜𝑤 𝑖𝑠 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑡𝑜𝑑𝑎𝑦 𝑎𝑛𝑑 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑡𝑜𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑜𝑤.

Ricki Lake is trying desperately to convince herself that she’s happy. She’s not.

R79- Are you referring to this thread that I started?

Having a GAY husband does not lead to a road of happiness.

is a shipwreck

I'm 72 and in great health and now I'm going to say something that will totally infuriate most DLers. Particularly the young ones. But what the hell, this is an anonymous board ... being vegan is an excellent to maintain your health into old age. Check out Dr. Greger's How Not to Age. My doctor recommended it to remedy my high cholesterol level and it worked. My last physical was superb, I'm not taking any medications. And yes, going vegan, which I did ten years ago, takes a little getting used to. But these days given both the new vegan food companies and the rise of farmers markets offering fresh vegetable and fruits, it's really easy once you get the hang of it. One other benefit: if you live in most urban areas, there are lots of vegan meet up groups where you can make new friends, as I have.

"there are lots of vegan meet up groups where you can make new friends"

The problem is that those new friends will be vegans.

I'm 72, retired for 7 years, and on 14 meds (3 of 'em self-injected) for a laundry list of medical problems but feel good. I took the subway home the last time they changed my pacemaker. I walk three miles to and from the gym 4 or 5 days a week, have sex 2 or 3 times a week, weigh what I did in high school, and have more money to spend in retirement (and a nicer car) than I did when I was working. The people at Fidelity tell me I'll have enough to live on until I'm 107 and while I hope I don't, it's reassuring to know.

I saw my parents go through hell at the end health-wise 30 years ago and vowed not to go out that way. Who knows? I could get cancer or run over by a bus tomorrow, but so far I like the way I feel and do what I can to stay that way. My brother didn't give a shit about his health and hated to see doctors. He died at 67.

[quote] weigh what I did in high school

Good for you, R84, but I personally know of no one who weighs what they did in high school.

Well I can say I weigh less than I did in high school. But then my body has shriveled to the point I'm not much more than a bone draped with skin.

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!

Actually, I might know one person who is still the same weight he was in high school. But he's the exception in every way.

[quote]And ultimately well functioning knees are way more critical than a constantly stiff penis

That's my takeaway for the day. Not since Judge Judy shared her secret for a long life (Don't Fall) have I been both amused and inspired. Thank you!

R85 When I was younger I worked for a surgeon who did. You should have seen him in his tuxedo: I think he bought it during FDR's second term when he got married. It fit, but the lapels were awfully wide. He was an inspiration to me when I was in my late 20's. He was in great shape and lived to be 90, having only stopped performing surgery at 86.

But most of my friends from high school still weigh what they did then. My husband weighs what he did in 1980 today, although he was 31 when we met. OTOH, my sister was a fattie in school who didn't lose weight until she was in her 50's. Now she weighs what she should have weighed in high school.

I just found prostitution isn’t glamorous as everyone says

I was having a medical assessment a couple of months ago to have my ears micro-suctioned. The young lady asking the questions couldn’t believe it when I told her I wasn’t on any regular medications, she asked me three time as I think she maybe thought I didn’t understand the question.

I’d never thought of it before, but is it unusual to be 64 and not on any regular medications?

My mother is 94, no medication. My sister is 75 and I'm 70, no medication.

R6- is Grace ever going to FALL in NYC? -balance issues/vertigo,”help,help I can’t get up’’

It's better than dying young

Tried senior centers in my town and LGBTQ senior groups.Never in one place so many grasping,whining,pinning for lost youth folks,so depressing I stopped going.

R71 I misspell sometimes.No big deal but some on DL just can’t let that go.I guess DL is all they have.

Today I was having chemo at the hospital

while my partner took numerous texts and calls from her 50-year-old sister whose connecting flight to the Galapagos was delayed for a day.

Yes, it sucks to miss a connection and lose a day of vacation. They take about a half dozen trips a year.

I feel much greater empathy with people in poor health and a bit less sympathy for so-called white peoples' problems.

As you age, you shrug off a lot of stuff. When you age and have a health challenge, many things sounds trivial. My partner's sister certainly did.

.

Whatever it takes to feel the warm embrace of that high ground of superiority, I suppose.

I'm sure that when you get cancer, you'll be a role model for all of us.

Or maybe I'll keep my bile to myself and not blame the relatives of loved ones for not keeping me first in their thoughts.

I more than understand the point about perspective, but making your partner's sister the cunt in the story seems a little unreasonable. Was it not thinking sufficiently of you, or taking too many trips?

The world doesn't stop every time one of us is facing a grave situation. Would you really want it to do?

You're enjoying beating up on a cancer patient far too much. All I said was that I appreciated her complaints but they sounded trivial compared to cancer. I do not want to engage with you further or at all so you get the last word.

Yeah, R101. You sound like a fucking cunt. R102 is completely correct.