Let’s be a Soap Opera

I'm the reformed rapist.

I'm the videotape.

I'm the lack of annoyance that my wife didn't know she was being fucked by my doppelganger while I sitting in my own shit, chained to a wall.

I'm amnesia. What's the purpose of this again?

I'm the forever 35 year old actress whose character gave birth last year to a child that's now 14.

I'm all the millionnaires, spies, serial killers. terrorists, international jet setters, world-renown surgeons, and famous artists residing in a sleepy small town in the middle of nowhere.

I'm the coming out scene from the hot young twink

I am the Confessing-to-you-in-confidence. But I am also my evil twin, the Eavesdropper. What's the point of confiding if nobody overhears it?

I'm the small town international airport with around-the-clock direct flights to every major city in the world.

I’m Satanic demonic possession.

I'm the big confrontation scene where one of the actor's back is turned to the others so that the audience can see both actors faces.

I'm the rapid aging kid. Born three years ago, it's my first day at school today. In three years I will probably be engaged to my high school sweetheart.

I'm the "consulting firm". No one really knows what I do, but I give my social-climbing founder the opportunity to dine at a fancy restaurant every night and sleep with every nubile young woman in town.

I’m Ava!

We lived by the rules in that grungy house on Bowman Street!

R14, turn in your Another World card now!!

R14,

You deserve a kick in the cunt for that…

I'm the strange sound waves that allow whispered conversations to be heard clear as a bell through a cracked doorway over 20 feet away.

I'm the Slut of Springfield.

And I'm so much better than that slut from the valley.

I'm carrying your child and having feelings for you. And unresponsive, interchangeable baby actors staring at their offscreen mothers.

I'm Fashions Courtesy of Ohrbach's.

I'm the 3 hours in hair and makeup

I'm all the fabulous, often white, beautiful people leading exciting lives of glamour and wealth and yet never seem to work more than 3 hours a week tops.

I'm the plethora of in-town lunatic asylums despite most having been shut down 40 years ago. I'm also incredibly easy to escape from.

I'm the daytime writers and executives who create these shows thinking it's still 1979.

I'm the town homosexual. Much like toddlers, I'm occasionally seen but seldom heard.

I'm the good, hard slap across a cheating cad's face

I'm all the interiors of exciting international settings - from Paris to Cairo to Tokyo - and we all look the same.

I'm the lax security on hospital computer systems that allows random people to change test results to their liking.

I'm the live burial

I'm death, I'm only a thing until the actor's primetime/film career hopes don't work out, or the actor needs money, or the show needs shocking twist for a ratings boost If you don't believe me, talk to my friend, plastic surgery...

...Thank you death, hello everyone, I'm plastic surgery. I cannot only change a face, I can change height, skin tone, chest hair pattern and in some cases and I can literally age or de-age a character by at least a decade. And when my grieving wife realizes it's me, not through DNA - mind you, but some other nonsense means - like I know she doesn't take her coffee with sugar, she never seems to notice that my cock is completely different than the other guy's.

I'm the child that you don't remember having given birth to because you were (a) hypnotized, (b) another of your several personalities, (c) convinced you had delivered a dead baby, or (d) convinced you had a miscarriage or abortion, only to find out twenty-five years later that someone made off with the fetus and gestated it long before such things were possible. Oh, yes, and by the way I might be a twin.

I'm the coed prisons.

I'm the eavesdropping porch. Lots of good dirt can be found on me!

R30 good one, I wondered how all these women could be fooled by differing cocks and lovemaking style.

I'll be the identical tits the doppelganger must have to fool the husband/lover who no doubt has the originals emblazoned in his mind

I'm the character who ends up temporarily paralyzed and I spend a few months in a wheelchair. I end up walking again and there is never any mention of chronic pain or other issues associated with spinal cord injuries.

I’m the love triangle among siblings.

I'm the man whose had both the mother and the daughter.

I am Jill Farren Phelps, here to kill off middle aged female characters, hire my friends, and turn the show into a low budget Sopranos while aggressively pushing for Emmy Nods.

Did I mention that I killed 2P&G soaps?

R37 Cole Deschanel! How the hell are you?

I'm the NuDirection the head writer is taking a character in now that TPTB have decided to recast the role.

I am, "The role of...... is now being played by.....".

I'm Kathy Glasses fan mail.

I'm Lil's Tercel

I’m MTS performing behind-the-scenes racist tirades while wearing an Afro wig… and snubbing Aretha Franklin at a newsstand.

I'm the implosion of the homely tween actor's dreams of superstardom, recast by a smokin' hot 19 year old

I'm the coma a character is conveniently written to go into

I'm the plot lines, where it is 1972, 1993, or 2024, the same plot line is going on:

Margo is cheating on her husband with her husband's evil twin brother.

Alex is in a coma

Victor is ruining Jack through a ruthless business venture

Susan Lucci is still claiming to be 39 despite the actress playing her daughter being 53

I’m 2025, the year in which DOOL takes place.

I'm the late night special where you get some sex scenes and swearing

Likes sands through the hour glass....

I'm the cool opening theme

I'm Sarah Michelle Gellar and Susan Lucci got me fired because I won an Emmy

I’m the octogenarian super-villain who reappears every once in a while to terrorize the town. Why I would want to release my evil supervirus in the town my grandchildren live in is a headscratcher, as is the question of why doesn't someone just push me down the stairs so the osteoporosis can do its job properly.

I'm the Terror Island storyline on Sunset Beach that was ripped off from Scream.

I'm the matriarch who got her start in Mack Sennett comedies. They built the building around me. I have to be wheeled in and poked in the back of the neck in order for me to say my line but I'm still here, damnit!

I'm the Delia's 23rd husband.

I'm the elevator that always gets stuck for hours leading to a couple having sex while they're trapped inside me.

You'll note, however, that I'm very homophobic, since this never happens to two guys who have undeniable screen chemistry.

I'm the many abandoned of Dr Marlena Evans

I'm the good gossip.

Amy Vining likes to blab…

I'm the kid that everyone is fighting for custody over, but who will then be sent to boarding school and forgotten about for several years until I'm SORASed and return to town as a juvenile delinquent 16-year old played by a 22-year old.

I’m the actress the same age as the actor playing my son

I'm the one-night stand that leads to pregnancy.

And for whatever reason, it appears to help if the guy is three sheets to the wind and ready to pass; how this goes to his ability to maintain an erection and complete the job is a bit of a mystery.

I'm the baby who gets named after a deceased villainous relative.

I'm the expunged criminal records

R63, I’m the wanton, manipulative hissy who gets the drunk hero into bed… we never make love, but I’m able to convince him he’s the father of my fetus… the real baby daddy is a dopey nice guy who will never become a member of Mensa.

I'm the attempt at a blowjob to get the drunk hero hard. I don't work but still find it erotic because he looks like Greg Vaughn

R64, I’m the maiden name that becomes the baby’s first name.

But… I’m also the surname of the abusive ex-hiusband/stepfather… long after the abuser is gone the surviving women will preposterously invoke the name as a show of power. (“The Raines women are strong,” Lillian declares to Beth and Lizzie.)

We five decided to post together:

- I'm the 0.1% Failure Rate of Birth Control Pills.

- I'm the Box of Condoms that the girl is seen buying. This is Russian Roulette. One of them inside me will break.

I'm the Vasectomy. Don't even bother.

I'm the over-the-counter Morning After Pill. No one's ever heard of me.

I could be Abortion, but everyone changes their mind at the last minute, and if they don't they will eventually have a nervous breakdown.

^^^ ***HUSSY***

Muriel, an edit button, please.

I'm the kissing right after waking up

I'm the black bra that women don't take off while having sex.

I'm the character who gets severely burned or disfigured in an accident. I undergo one plastic surgery, wearing full face bandages for a few episodes and then the bandages are removed and there are no residual scars.

I'm the new character that eats the show during my first two months as I appear in nearly 40 episodes.

YOU WILL LIKE ME.

I'm the town's funeral home director. I'm the richest man in town having made an absolute FORTUNE off these people who are repeatedly presumed dead, or actually do die but didn't really. No refunds, bitches!

I'm Pat Ashley reporting from Paris. 🇫🇷

I'm the unclaimed corpse who was buried when the town's beloved hero was presumed killed in a freak tornado-avalanche. No one will bother to change the headstone once he returns.

I’m abortion.

I am never an option. It would end too many storylines on top of everything else.

I'm Proctor & Gamble. I stopped giving a fuck about housewives 20 years ago.

I'm the lack of frank sex talk

I'm the diminutive, swarthy, stuttering mob kingpin of the Eastern Seaboard. Even though I am an internationally feared crime boss with immense power and wealth, I do not partake in sex work, drugs, or illegal arms trading. I'm also the moral center of this town.

I'm the DNA report that is continuously meddled with such that no one knows who the real father is.

I am the patriarch at the beginning of the show. I have a wife and two children. They all mean the world to me. In ten years I'll be on wife number three and five more children from various women. My first wife has two more children, one from before we were married and one she had out of wedlock when we were on a two-week break (she never cheats on anyone, hence the necessary brief breakup).

I'm the guy who raised another man's child and when the adult child finds out who his/her's real father is, I'm cast off to the side like garbage.

I'm Trucker's abs.

I'm Ivan Kipling's wallpaper.

I'm the Hammond Organ providing the opening themes and background music that was put into storage back in the early 70s never to be heard from again. HELP!

What about ME?

I'm rape. I can be a horrific crime, but sometimes I'm also foreplay.

I'm the popular young actor who decides to leave the soap after a couple of years in order to find fame and fortune in film and prime time, only to come crawling back three years from now ... well, that is if they haven't recast with someone better.

I'm the voiceover announcer who states "The role of _____ ______ is now being played by _____ ______.

I’m the siblings who have to call one another “big brother” and “sis” because there’s no way we could be related.

I'm Nina Cortlandt's insulin.

I'm the amazing insurance plan every one has. 10 years in a coma? No problem. Emergency reconstructive surgery? We got you covered. Psychotic breakdown? Take all the time you need.

I'm Victor Lord finger banging Irene Manning.

I am the ageing leading man who has been torn between two women for over 30 years and have about 20 kids with both of them.

I'm rapemance.

I’m DID aka multi personality disorder.

I'm the black bitches Slee wants out of her face!

I'm Karen Wolek's tricks.

TALBOT HUDDLESTON!!!!!

I'm Mahjong night at the Craig's.

I'm Bob Hughes' lusty penis.

I'm Gloria Fucking Swanson and the no turbans rule.

I’m the misguided LSD trip that lands you in an asylum.

[italic]Watch your iced tea glass!

I've been watching your house. I know your schedule.

I’m the soon-to-be major star, just passing through.

The rest of you are stuck here FOREVER!

I'm the truck stop diner located somewhere out in the boonies where the heroine takes a job working as a waitress when she's lost, on the run, amnesiac, etc. and has no money.

I'm the insanely rich family that for whatever reason insists on all living together in one house despite obvious, vitriolic hate-spews every day.

I'm the mental block that allows the antagonist to believe their obsession is really in love with them, despite you doing everything you can to ruin their life

I'm the former mental patient with three deaths under my belt, a failed business, multiple marriages, no college education, and well-known mob ties who still manages to be mayor of the town.

I'm selective memory.

1) He terrorized me and my family for years, but now I realize that he was just misunderstood - now I love him and want him and his past crimes to me and my family don't matter.

2) He raped me on a dance floor, but he saved the town from becoming a popsicle, so it's okay

3) He raped my twin sister, but now he's the love of my life

4) I kidnapped and swapped babies, but when the same thing happens to me, I get to claim the moral high ground

I'm all the crimes committed by the supposed upstanding citizens, that go unpunished. I include tampering with evidence, lying to the police, failing to report a crime, falsifying records, leaving the baddie to die and drugging others.

I am the kind of love Alice Frame will never know!

I'm the child whose paternity was the source of endless plot twists, who was a teenager for three months, came back to town six months later trained as a doctor whose speciality -- cardiologist, brain surgeon, obstetrician -- changes to accommodate the plot.

I’m cheap sets.

I'm the cue cards.

I'm the pub/bar that has rooms upstairs for boarders or members of the family who owns the bar/pub.

I'm the presumed dead spouse who shows up in the middle of the wedding ceremony of the surviving spouse.

I'm Bob, the lawyer. I specialize in everything

Need a will done? Call Bob

Criminal hearing? Call Bob

Need someone to represent your Fortune 500 Company? Call Bob

Fighting the HOA? Call Bob

Bankruptcy? Call Bob

Bob is also called the best lawyer in town, yet he has never won one murder case.

I'm the show's main villain who is an ass to everyone. In order for the audience to still like me I have been given a genuine tender bond to the one child on the show. It shows my weak but sympathetic side. And voila, people love me.

I'm the wardrobe attendant taking home the discarded undies from the hot actor to put on my face

I'm the lame holiday traditional family event like the 4th of the July barbecue in Springfield or the Christmas tree ornament placing party in Salem.

I'm walls that shake when a door closes.

I'm the character who just shows up at someone front door without calling first.

Im long long rich aunt from Georgia only to discover she murdered 3 of her ex boyfriends.

I'm the new "Story Consultant" brought in by The Suits to fix this crapfest.

Now, it's really going to get bad. And if I play my cards right, I'll be the next Head Writer!

Im the fact that sometimes people come back from the dead in our universe.

I’m the flakes of snow that never melt when a character comes inside.

I'm the speedos worn by all the hot guys in the pool scenes years ago.

I'm the plastic surgeon who can make anyone look exactly like someone else, even if the two people aren't the same height-weight, have very recognizable moles or scars, different looking teeth, eye colors, boobies, cock dimensions, etc.

I often end up dead after I've performed the surgery.

I'm Dr Rolf, doing a full body search of an unconscious Marlena/Hope so he can make Hattie/Gina look exactly like them. The pervert

R131 Don't forget the voice transplant as well.

I'm the lovelorn oft-married heroine whose full name makes people think I'm a law firm.

Coma followed by amnesia.

Murder trials.

Disputed parentage.

I am the accelerated speed of our legal system. I am arrested on Monday, indicted on Tuesday, stood trial of Thursday and the verdict is due late on Friday.

I can't remember the last time I even saw a guy on a soap wearing a speedo. Probably Ronn Moss (gross), who's been gone from B&B for 12 years.

[quote]R117 I'm the pub/bar that has rooms upstairs for boarders, or members of the family who own the bar/pub.

I’m Kelly’s, renamed Bobbie’s after a certain someone died.

(I am still livid about this. FUCK Bobbie Spencer!)

I'm General Hospital.

I'm the plus-size girl who's love interest is the new hot hunk in town, because he's not superficial and is attracted to my personality; he only sees how beautiful I am on the inside.

I'm the crunchy old mean drunk turned town heroine. I look and sound like a used-up bar hag, but men (especially stable boys) still want to get with me.

I'm Rick's Beanie Babies

I'm the pregnant female character who goes into labor and my baby ends up being delivered by my love interest who isn't the baby's father.

R143 = Brooke Logan

I'm THE BIG POTTED PLANT that some actress will be standing behind during the last five months of her real-life pregnancy.

Team members include: a vase full of giant chrysanthemums, a desk lamp with a very large shade, and a thick overcoat with matching satchel bag.

i cant post

I’m the ingenue who lasts all of the 13 contracted weeks and is replaced. I never act again.

I'm Christine Jones. From the temp agency. I come and stink up a soap now and then when they need a cheap substitute.

I’m the long-awaited wedding that unites our beloved hero and heroine and turns them into a dull married couple.

Fuck you R149

I'm the 5-year old kid that everyone's fawning over, but I can't act for shit and can barely get two words out. I like to look around everywhere except at the adult character who's actually talking to me in the scene.

[quote]I'm Christine Jones. From the temp agency. I come and stink up a soap now and then when they need a cheap substitute.

Are you really coming for Janice Frame? THE Janice Frame?

[italic]Cause of Death: Stabbed by Rachel Cory in a swimming pool.[/italic]

Good god!

I'm the tape recorder that just happened to be on when someone confessed to a crime, allowing for months and months of blackmail.

I'm the incredibly mawkish holiday shows and other "family-feel-good," syrupy, saccharine episodes.

I'm a book, and you've never seen a character read me on any soap ever.

I'm the one-dimensional parent of a character who is mean, abusive, condescending, and just plain awful, which is intended to draw out the sympathy of the audience to a badly-acted young character.

I am the multi national corporations that somehow avoid bankruptcy, despite changing CEOs every 3 months, being the subject of a hostile takeover every 6 months, and being forgotten for a year while 1-2 of the CEOs is on trial for murder.

I'm Diana Taylor's blood.

I'm the hot young male character that all the elder gays who watch this shit want the writers to make gay.

I'm Drake Hogestyn's character.

Every few years, the writing regime of the show reinvents my back story.

I'm a spy/agent! I'm a DiMera! No, I'm an Alamain! No, my father is Dick van Dyke!

huh?

R161 The character of John Black is meant to be a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma that's enveloped by the smell of a silent, but deadly fart.

I'm the fluid geography of the town. Sometimes I'm on a river, or a lake, or near the beach. Sometimes I'm a short drive to a real major city and other times I'm clear across on the other side of the state. As an added bonus, weather is flexible too. I'm often set in the cold states like Wisconsin or upstate New York, and yet characters walk around outside in just a windbreaker during winter months.

I am the horrible display of actual business practices and HR incidents. Insider trading, sleeping with co-workers, blackmail, and extortion as vehicles to drive the storyline.

I'm an ex-breakdown writer on the number one soap. The headwriter decided the scriptwriters could make it up as they go along. I don't believe they got an accompanying salary bump.

I'm Beverly. Secretly eating bread in the ladies room at the disco.

I'm Dr Marlena's overworked colleagues, trying to cover for this bitch while she's kidnapped again. Or possessed (yeah right!). Or in prison. Or a coma. Amnesia following a miscarriage was very creative though. We're taking odds on her next trick to get out any actual work..

I’m Traci Abbott’s early stint with bulimia (maybe the first for this topic in daytime tv). Traci’s best friend, played by Elizabeth Kiefer, seems to be noticing me. Then I disappear.

Fat bitch only puked up her food so she could eat it again.

I'm the ladies room at the Springfield Country Club. When they mount this set, you know you're in for a week of shit gettin' real.

Yes!

R171, love it! Nola and Vanessa, India and Reva…

I'm Nepotism.

If you're an executive producer, head writer, or lead actor on the show, I'm sure I can find something for that kid of yours to do.

I'm the toilet baby who grew up to be a top model.

I'm the prime time actor who's agent told him to take this stupid guest stint. Something about losing my health insurance.

I'm the show's big supercouple who can't stand each other in real life. The only time we talk to each other is during scenes.

I’m a five foot tall woman… and I’m a SUPERMODEL!!

I’m the original character who now gets two lines a month, affects no stories whatsoever, and gets pushed into the background at parties and weddings.

r178 and a toilet baby...don't forget you were a toilet baby

I'm the hate watcher. I now make up 95% of the daytime soap opera viewing audience.

I'm the murder mystery in which eight of the major characters have a motive and an opportunity, but the killer turns out to be a day player who nobody really cares about.

R182 - While very enjoyable it really is absurd how after months or years of a villain's atrocious behavior, 6-8 characters suddenly, all at once on one night independent of each other, go publicly off the rails threatening to kill so-and-so and then have no alibi.

I’m an actress who shows my tits in an R-rated movie and then gets a major role on a soap a year later.

I'm the town's token Jewish character. I don't appear in the annual big Christmas episode.

I’m a make soap actor. In real life, I’m either a rabid Republican or gay.

*Male

[quote] I'm the hate watcher. I now make up 95% of the daytime soap opera viewing audience.

I'm the other 5% who are over 87-years old and fall asleep after the first ten minutes.

snatch

"I'm the other 5% who are over 87-years old and fall asleep after the first ten minutes."...and it makes no difference because 90% of the episode is retelling what happened in the past episodes and only 10% (if that) is any actual movement of the plot.

I'm the fluidity of time. One day might last a month, but it's always today. Sometimes Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas all follow seamlessly.

To R191’s and R190’s points, I think (some of) the undoing of the genre has been the attempt to speed things up.

I'm Big Pharma!

I love paying for these soaps with my non-stop ads for the diabetic, the obese, the depressed, and all the other old-timers out there with heart disease, arthritis, osteoporosis and multiple respiratory illnesses. Just ask your doctor!

I'm the yellow residue all over the Snyder kitchen.

I'm Seth Snyder.

I am a nerdy dork in my flannel shirt, but I have a foot long love monster that makes all the girls scream.

I'm the big glasses that make a beautiful woman automatically be seen as ugly and frumpy once she puts them on. Stay tuned for the glam makeover.

R192 That, and the noted lack of speedos in the soap operas of today.

I'm the couch that characters always end up having sex on even though they're supposedly in a residence with multiple bedrooms.

I'm The Baseball Cap of Invisibility. Characters put me on when they want to lurk around town hoping no one will see or recognize them. I'm sometimes joined by a pair of eyeglasses or sunglasses from Dollar Tree.

I'm the young muscled male second lead. I like to pretend I didn't get the job by blowing the EP.

R200 Excuse me?

[quote] I'm The Baseball Cap of Invisibility. Characters put me on when they want to lurk around town hoping no one will see or recognize them. I'm sometimes joined by a pair of eyeglasses or sunglasses from Dollar Tree.

Like when Harley donned a "disguise" to pretend she was someone else around Philip, but the "disguise" was just a pair of glasses?

I'm the chubby, frumpy, dumpy actress who plays a fashionista running an international glamour magazine.

I'm the pregnant woman who falls down the stairs and has a miscarriage.

I'm the bad girl character who goes through the "raped portrayed as redemption" storyline.

I am the fat actress who had her hair teased to god-level drag queen height to take away from my jowls.

I play a maid and haven't had a storyline in years. But my overwhelming sense of self-importance and entitlement is astounding.

I’m my great aunt Clara. My story’s on TV. DON’T call me!

I’m the hated replacement actress of a popular character, usually a villain, when the red haired played me so much better.

I'm the early 90s soap opera collectors' plates that were hawked to frau soap fans.

I'm hair extensions. If I weren't around, all these well-beyond-menopause female characters with thinning hair would be wearing Eva Gabor wigs like they used to.

I'm the threat to kill the character off in that mid-season cliffhanger if the self-important asshole actor doesn't start towing the line

I'm the 90s. The only acting experience needed was nice pecs, chiseled abs, and a pretty face.

[quote]towing the line

toeing

I'm the son you never knew you had, from that time you had sex with your brother-in-law.

I'm your rep from Hear-It-All, manufacturer of eavesdropping porches throughout the marvelous midwest.

I'm the weekend. Has it ever once been a Saturday or Sunday on any soap opera?

We're the two babies switched in the hospital nursery.

The wrong one given to the lead actress will more than likely die.

I'm the new actress who has been on the show for six weeks and got an emmy nomination while the older lead who has been on the show 20 years has never gotten a nomination.

I’m the whoring 18 yr old daughter. Last year I was 5.

I'm Cheetos, which I just ran out of..

I'm the lack of interest in the history of established characters that leads to forgetting their backstory.

I'm the character who suffers a head injury and spends some time in a coma. After I wake up, I have no long-term cognitive or physical health issues. I just walk around with a cane for a few episodes and then everything is fine.

And I'm also the character who gets shot in the head and has no long term brain damage.

I'm Boarding School.

I'm usually located in Switzerland or Great Britain, but occasionally fly the flag of some other European country. I'm that place where parents deposit their kids - typically those in the seven to 12-year-old age range - after they've outlived their adorable cuteness, but aren't yet old enough to be featured in a Young Adult romance. .. That's right! Just hand them over to me, and after a year or two, I'll SORAS these unwanted kids and send them home as 16-year-olds ready for action!

Unfortunately, for the stellar reputation I have in the field of education, these new teenagers will more than likely return as bratty juvenile delinquents who are always out to cause some kind of trouble. .. And for the record, you might want to give them a 12-panel drug test as well as a detailed lecture on birth control and STDs as soon as they get off the plane. It's not in our curriculum.

Some of those boarding schools have special powers or something special in the water.

I went to boarding school a skinny 10 year old, and came back soon after as a tall, muscular 18 year old!

[quote] I’m a male soap actor. In real life, I’m either a rabid Republican or gay.

Can't it be both?

[quote] I play a maid and haven't had a storyline in years. But my overwhelming sense of self-importance and entitlement is astounding.

Those most true-to-life character on the show also.

I'm the vampires, werewolves, and witches desperately written in when Gothic Romance wasn't selling the show.

I'm the gay orgies being had over at Edge of Night.

I'm the flaming actor desperately trying to act like a straight romantic lead. No one over the age of 12 is buying it.

I'm bad the prom dress fashion featured on The Bold & the Beautiful.

I'm the 19 year old actor gloating over my Young Actor Emmy win over my fellow contestants, all of whom were between 7 - 12 years old.

We're the characters of Palmer Cortlandt and Alan Spaulding.

We're supposed to be two of daytime's most feared villains, not to mention the kind of leading men who inspire wet pussies everywhere.

But we're played by two of the nelliest prisspots around!

We're the new Hispanic family. There's at least four kids along with their poor Mama who has two work two jobs. There's no Papa in sight. The oldest son has always acted like the father in the family. One brother won't do as his older brother says, though, and one of the girls always dreams that Papa will return someday.

*has to work too jobs

* I give up LOL

has to work two jobs

R202 — Harley as Ruth

R225 — Lincoln Prep!

I vividly remember Phillip and (Frede)Rick returning unexpectedly, Rick driving Phillip’s fancy sports car. When Springfield PD pulls them over for speeding Phillip switches seats and takes the blame — their characters and their friendship cemented in a few moments of airtime.

I'm The Friday Cliffhanger ... I've been killed off by Spoilers!

R237 don't remind me! It was so obvious LOL!

I'm gayling Will's naughty thoughts about Uncle Eric

I'm twin hijinks. I'm either the long lost twin. The never known about twin. The vengeful twin. The psychotic twin. The goody two shoes twin. Or... the slutty twin.

I'm the big star from the other soap who just started on this new show expecting to be the star and my character is written off six months later.

I'm EJ's 13 x 8.5". Uncle Eric in r241 doesn't stand a chance.

I’m CBS

I'm General Hospital and Days of Our Lives. r245 doesn't know what he's talking about.

I'm Will thinking about EJ's 13 x 8.5. And I'm also Will, moaning and cumming as I think about my beautiful stepfather EJ calling me "William" or "Master William."

Who the hell are Will and Uncle Eric?

Im the long lost cousin from England who sleeps in a box in the basement. Why has no one noticed why they only see me at night?

Im the long lost cousin from England who sleeps in a box in the basement. Why has no one noticed why they only see me at night?

I'm the shitty, back and forth editing for twins scenes.

R246 O I thought only Young and Restless and B&B were left.

[quote] I'm the long lost cousin from England

I'm Sabrina, the other long lost half-cousin - slash - half-sibling from England. I like to ride a cockhorse to Banbury Cross.

I'm the disaster episodes to mark the big soap anniversary.

I'm the huge fire/flood/other destruction used as a cover for replacing the cheap sets, as HD takes over

I’m the black family on Y&R. We’re all beautiful and only interact with the prominent members of the Newman family.

I’m Ryan Philippe and I played a fag.

As mentioned at R233.....I am the leading man who can be clocked as a gay man from SPACE.

I'm also the leading lady, yet I am the dykiest dyke that ever dyked.

I'm Devon's mullet

I'm Mary Stuart, "fuck those goddamned McClearys!"

I'm Ada's dishtowel.

I'm the neurotic maid.

[quote]Louise Goddard, Vivian, Esther, Mamie

That was Vivien with an E.

I'm the bartender at the town's primary watering hole who serves drinks without uttering a spoken line.

Who do I have to blow around here to get Underfive status.

I’m locked up in a room or a closet or a basement for months by my rival or my evil twin.

How do I go to the bathroom?

I'm the stereotypical gay character who is lusting after the hot muscled straight man.

^^^ I think that only happens with "Xeo" on Days of our Lives ..lol

I am the 60 year old man involved with a 25 year old woman.

Or the 60 year old woman involved with a 25 year old man.

I'm the hotel where multi millionaires live in a one room suite, because the budget is nil, and the same set is used with hardly a change in design.

I'm the bad girl daddy issues

I am the hambone veteran actress who was never a star, now lounging about in peignors chewing up the scenery, dragging out my lines and warbling. I'm what is accepted as great acting, but I would be laughed off the screen in primetime or film.

I’m the serial killer storyline that’s basically been created to trim the cast of too much fat.

I’m “Dark Shadows” and somehow the luckiest soap pre-1979 as every episode of me, except one, still exists.

I’m the middle-aged character who was once front burner in the late 70s. Remember me? I was part of a couple, we weren’t THE couple but we’re still popular.

The writers stopped writing for me years ago but occasionally you’ll still see me around town.

I’m the melodic theme song from the 60s, 70s, and/or 80s that will make you very nostalgic and maybe even tear up a little when you seek me out on YouTube. I remind you of your grandmother and your mom and the old living room.

R276 isn't lying. This wasn't even my consistent show but I watched this when Agnes Nixon died and cried like a baby when I heard this.....MARY!

l am Paul Rauch's brain. I came up with the 90 minute soap and destroyed that soap in the process. How I ever got another job, with my past history of racism, sexism and backstabbing would have made the greatest soap ever.

I'm Mindy Lewis, Chelsea Newman, Summer Newman. We are fashion designers from small towns. We also don't know any gay men.

Love it, R253!

We always gripe about women (like YR’s Phyllis) having sex with a doppelgänger and not noticing any difference (faux Jack was likely uncut!), but Seth fucked Sabrina at the Snyder pond thinking she was Frannie. I know it was later rationalized by saying that Seth subconsciously loved Sabrina, but come on!

I'm the former cast member of a soap opera who returns to play the ghost of my deceased character for several episodes during sweeps month.

It was dark, R280!!! And Seth was horny and without her glasses, Sabrina could have passed for Frannie.

I did like that they immediately told Frannie, not hiding it for months, and that Sabrina didn’t get pregnant.

I am the identical twins/lookalike cousins Eventually we leave the show and are replaced by two different actresses who look nothing alike.

And a few years later Holden got shitfaced and knocked up his sister in law Julie, thinking he was fucking his true love, his niece Lily.

All of that incest in the Snyder family contaminated their gene pool, so the boys had bad eyesight.

I was once the big star of a soap, but up and left the show.

I eventually took a job on another soap with much ballyhoo in the press, but no one gave a fuck about me or my character there

[quote]I'm the former cast member of a soap opera who returns to play the ghost of my deceased character for several episodes during sweeps month.

And I'm the shocking realization that ghosts age in real time.

R285 is Marcy Walker.

Jill Farren Cunts should be flogged for a long list of sins and stupid actions. Naming a character "Tangie" - short for "Tangerine" - is one of them.

If this has already been mentioned, my apologies.

I am the name heard rarely, but show up on soaps frequently.

Tangie

Ridge

Thorne

Snapper

Raven

Winter

Jinx (and Minx)

Preacher

Trucker

Liberty

Cricket

I'm sure I'm forgetting many more.

^ I think my personal favorite was Egypt. Who the fuck names a kid Egypt?

Eygpt! Yes, loved her.

I'm Trucker McKenzie, the hottest man to ever appear on any soap opera at any time in the entire history of soap operas.

I'm the ambitious actor who prepares a complex background to better inhabit my character and asks the director "what's my motivation in this scene?" Not realizing they were just hired to look pretty.

I'm the actors who play brothers, but have scorching sexual chemistry and/or are fucking behind the scenes.

I'm Robin Scorpio, the only child soap opera character who was never SOARSED.

Really, R294?

I'm the old Hollywood star who can't handle the workload.

I'm the repeated dialogue. The HW finds 4 different ways to say the same thing.

"Are you sure you want this divorce?"

"Are you having second thoughts about your marriage?"

"Having seen Brad again, do you want to try again?"

"You must have given this some thought...a divorce may not be the answer"

"

R294 Heather Williams on Y&R was never SORASed. In fact, it's probably the reason the character wasn't played during the time they brought Steve Burton in to play Paul Williams' unknown cult baby son, Dylan McAvoy. Steve is and looks 10+ years older than the actress (Vail Bloom) who's been playing Heather; yet the retcon they were doing meant cult baby Dylan would have been Heather's younger brother, since he was born after her by a year or more. And since Heather aged normally this would have been odd. Now that he's no longer on the show, they've started playing her again.

I'm the pub in a British soap. Stick around long enough and you'll be told to GET OUT! - you're banned !!

R297 that wouldn't be the head writer, it would be a dialogue writer, one that does have to find 4 different ways over a week to say the same thing.

R299

On Emmerdale, Chas just told her own son, Aaron, to GET OUT of the Woolpack last week

I'm the alien sci-fi storyline.

I'm all the empty gin bottles and ratty wigs found when they cleaned out Ruth Warwick's dressing room.

Ruth Warrick?

THAT bitch.

I'm the two-time Emmy-winner from when I first started on the show. 10 years, I'm selling real estate in Encino.

I'm the stud actor who once had a syndicated hit where I barely wore clothes, then parlayed that into a long time soap role only to get fired. Now I'm an escort, or for pay, will show up at your garage sale for $$$$.

I won a Daytime Emmy in the Younger Actor category. .. No one remembers me and now the damn award itself is even defunct.

I'm the opening photos/sketches of the most important characters, almost every soap copied Y&R after they did it.

R309, God, I loved Sandy Dvore and his sketches.

That’s oddly specific, R307.

R310 Dvore ended up kind of peeved at Y&R and hired lawyers when the soap removed his name from the end credits, because (per him) he was supposed to continue receiving credit for the Y&R brush stroke logo that he created and is still used today. He also says he didn't receive a dime from any of the merchandise they sold with the logo on it when that became a thing. Finally, he tells the story of how he was nominated for a Daytime Emmy in 1984 for Outstanding Achievement in the Creative Technical Crafts - Graphic Design, but then was told he wouldn't be get the statue, because there were no other nominees.

R307 who are you talking about?

R312, I didn’t know any of that.

I emailed back and forth with him years ago. He wanted to sell me a piece for $500. I was so broke at the time that I declined. One of my biggest regrets.

I'm FauxSilver's Lens Crafter glasses.

R314 Dvore got kind of feisty in his old age, and he'd put posts on social media where he'd spout off. That's where I learned about each of those circumstances. I remember checking on the Daytime Emmy story, and it's totally true. He's listed as the lone nominee for the category in 1984, and yet there's no win.

I'm the book at the start of AMC.

[quote]I remember checking on the Daytime Emmy story, and it's totally true. He's listed as the lone nominee for the category in 1984, and yet there's no win.

Hell of a way to run an awards show.

Why would the Academy even include that category in the final nominations if nobody could win?

I'm one of three jailhouse thugs already in the town's dirty holding cell when the 18-year old kid from the soap's wealthy core family gets his juvenile delinquent ass tossed in here for doing something stupid. .. Oh, oh! .. Looks like 'Sweetcheeks' will be forced to spend the night in lockdown with us, if you get my drift.

Only one of us three has lines, however, and today, it's not me. All my script says is: "Leer at the boy's hot ass like it's the last bussy on the planet. Every time your jailhouse leader, "Bull," says something to the kid, lasciviously nod in agreement, then lick your lips and pinch your tit."

Who writes this porny shit?

I'm the sassy female bar owner or lab assistant or boarding house owner. I dispense advice, shrug with a world weariness and shake my head over the stupidity of younger, front burner characters.

Over in Port Charles, that would be Stella (owner of Jake's) and Ruby (former brothel madam cum boarding house landlord).

I'm the gay actor who is never convincing as a straight leading man.

I'm the diner.

R323 - Just the one dear? Even the "straight" actors come off as gayer than goose. I could never believe Stuart Damon was married to a woman and had children, for example.

I'm the car interior. You only see me when someone is going to crash.

I'm the Metro Court. I have 5 Michelin stars and an amazing reputation despite being the location of several murders, kidnappings, hostage crises, bombings, and a favorite hangout for mobsters. Oh and the main restaurant only has about 6 tables.

I'm sperm at a sperm bank.

I'm going to be switched!

I am the town alcoholic. All I need is a good 'talk to' by Mother to be cured.

I'm hypothermia.

I happen when a couple who say they can't stand each other (not really) get stuck someplace in the freezing cold. And in order to survive, it's suggested that they'll need to share body heat. Oh gee .. to do that, they'll have to remove their clothing and make skin-so-skin contact, while trying to stay covered with the one small blanket they have.

Like the elevator above, I'm also very homophobic, since this only happens to opposite sex couples.

I'm the early 2000s teen character storylines that ripped off Carrie.

We're the two crew members backstage who are positioned on each side of the set elevator, so that we can pull its doors open and allow some diva to exit a scene at just the right melodramatic moment. .. We then wait for a signal from the assistant director informing us that the cameraman has his closeup shot of the character's soap face in frame before pushing the doors shut.

I'm the poor girl from the wrong side of the tracks.

I'm the tracks. Someone will die when they try to outrun the train or their car stalls while crossing me.

We are straight male characters whose dialogue is written by straight women. We never talk about hockey or football or basketball. We don't talk about cars. Or finances. We gossip about relationships just like the ladies.

I'm television.

Rarely do you even see a TV set, and usually I only make a very brief appearance when someone needs to watch a press conference being held by another character ... then POOF, I'm gone!

I never go to the bathroom unless it's to take a pregnancy test. So I am NOT a male character. We don't EVER go for a piss.

I'm all the kids getting hit by cars.

R336 - One of my favorite scenes from early Dynasty was Jeff walking into the study where Fallon is on the couch watching TV. And she's watching a Heather/Joe scene from Golden Era GH. :LOL. It just seemed so shameless and random at the same time.

I'm the split scene telephone call.

I'm the talking out loud and suddenly my worst enemy can blackmail me with what they overheard me say to myself.

I'm the mid-show bumper that only eldergays will talk about 35-years from now.

I'm radio soap that when started was all about religion and piety but when switched to TV was all about adultery, murder, rape and venality.

I'm the seven minutes of pacing around a room alone and talking out loud to oneself that a character does to explain convoluted storyline or to just fill air time.

I'm the reading a magazine on the couch scene as the credits roll.

I'm the preternaturally gorgeous, successful, yet single bachelor madly in love with the plainest, most neurotic girl in town.

I'm the emergency organ transplant/blood transfusion that reveals to the whole town that one character is secretly the parent of another character.

I'm the conversation with myself in my head.

I'm the sexy, swarthy, young leader of a South American revolution that somehow winds up in a small midwestern town to romance a woman twice my age. I was very common in the 80s.

I'm Ivan Kipling's raised eyebrows.

I'm the Production Booth. .. What's said in here is better than the soap!

I'm all the young actors who don't know how to portray drunk or stoned realistically, despite being alcoholic drug addicts in real life.

I'm the blind item that could actually be about every daytime soap in production.

I'm the daytime tenet that sex can only be discussed but never seen and that violence can only be seen but never discussed.

SURPRISE !! .. I'm the change-of-life baby.

The writers couldn't think of any other storyline for the fiftysomethng actress who plays my mother, so here I am!

I'm the transvestite mob hit man, "Sally". I exist because the writing staff was high as fuck most of the time.

I'm the law books.

I'm the persistent soap-hopper. Every time I've left one (or it's gotten canceled more likely), my fans begin to campaign that I get hired on another one.

I'm the 4' 5" model.

I'm the wardrobe budget for the show's nominal star. High fashion botique wear if I'm the star, K-Mart on sale if I'm not.

I'm the final episode of a cancelled soap. TPTB had over nine months to script me and managed to fuck that up too.

I'm singing Danny Boy.

I'm the Christmas Story.

They're gonna trot out the old guy out to read me for the umpteenth time.

Holy shit. Here come a boatload of kids who can't act.

I'm the church that used to host weddings, funerals, and baptisms. I was a huge, glorious set and nearly the whole cast showed up for a weeklong extravaganza. Now I'm about 1/4 the size and only about 10 cast members show up with another 10 extras with no lines. It's all very forgettable.

I'm The Big 80s exotic location shoot.

I've been replaced by stock footage and some wonky green-screen and/or CGI done by the intern.

I'm that annoying dumb waitress chick who was only supposed to be there for one episode but lasted 5 years to represent poverty.

I’m the insta-family. Even thought I’ve only discovered last month that random people in town are my relatives, now I’d commit crimes to protect them because they’re “family.”

I’m the small town in the middle of nowhere that hosts mob bosses, international spies, major conglomerates, and has a great college that’s as good as Harvard or Yale.

I'm the made-up foreign country or tropical island where the big adventure takes place that no one's ever heard of before, because I really don't exist.

I'm the big bad new villain fresh in town. Two weeks ago no one ever heard my name, and now people won't shut the fuck up about me. Suddenly I'm a part of everyone's storyline no matter how disparate they are.

I'm Tony Geary fucking Liz Taylor in my dressing room.

I'm the voice that says, "The role of ______ ____ is now being played by ________ _______."

I'm the token fat one.

R371 - Well, there goes my breakfast

I'm the small town newspaper that in the real world went defunct 30 years ago. We still have a mimeograph in the office, and use a fax machine regularly.

The final episode of Another World fits R361.

I'm the cafeteria at the hospital. A lot of good shit goes down there.

I'm the marble patterned linoleum covering the columns at the courthouse set.

I'm the special primetime event that daytime soap operas had many years ago.

I'm the 30 second network promo telling you how HOT its four daytime soaps are going to be this summer!

^ The summer sizzles on NBC!

I'm Patti Austin

Tony Geary was, is and will always be a homosexualist, so there was never any "fucking." He may have been one of her escorts, as was Malcolm Forbes, but Geary was getting dicked down by or dicking down Ron Glass back in those days.

Tony must have lusted after fellow homo Kin Shriner. I can't imagine Kin giving him the time of day. Tony's pubic hair perm was so gross.

I'm the temporary recast while one of the lead actresses on the soap is on maternity leave from back in the day when head writers didn't change storyline to accommodate such things.

P.S. The audience loves me and is enjoying the break. That'll teach her to not get knocked up AGAIN!

Kin's type = Billy Warlock.

Thank you all for remembering me.

Sorry ladies. I'm the hot, sexy soap actor who's in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend on the other coast. To fill my lonely weekends, I dabble in gourmet cooking and collecting antiques.

I'm the most aptly-named yet never-seen daytime soap, "It Never Ends". I exist only in the Simpsons' world, and Moe Szyslak starred.

I'm "All My Circuits". Airing daily in 3000s, I am surely the longest-running soap opera in history.

I've won numerous Daytime Emmys, but the only other regular gig I could ever book was selling prunes.

Thank you, R380! Loved those promos. Roxie riding the bull is almost as great as India’s hair flip!

I'm Hal Linden.

I’m the family vampire wondering what the hell im doing in Pine Vallly.

I'm Love in the Afternoon.

I’m Llantano Mountain. Victor Lord bought me to stave off developers… oh, to hide the underground city of Eterna which is nestled beneath me.

R395 - And I'm Daytime Dilemma!

I'm the makeup artist who's been told by the executive producer to do something about the lead actress' latest cosmetic procedure that's made her look like an escapee from the wax museum. The key hair stylist has come up with something to hide half her face with bangs and side curtains, but that's not enough. I wish we could still put Vaseline on the camera lens.

I'm the secret room.

I'm the alcohol decanter. Only the rich characters have one.

I'm the backdrop scene through the rear window during the car driving scenes.

I'm the revolving door of writers all recycled from other soaps where they did an equally unimpressive job.

I'm the 5th Mary Ryan.

I'm Faux Silver's glasses.

R403 Im the 254th Kevin Buchanan.

I'm the buried alive storyline.

I'm Mikkos Cassadine set on freezing the world. Miss me now, bitches? Enjoy your summer...