Let’s be DataLounge University

[quote] Let’s be DataLounge University

Let’s not - too old!

I'm the virulent racism and antisemitism.

I'm the panty raids in the boys dorm. No women allowed in the school, of course.

I'm the Sondheim Lounge, where only theater queens devoted to Stephen are allowed entrance. Leather bondage gear is required.

I'm the community cum rag.

I’m the boozy, tenured old queen who’s assignments are mostly analysing every recording of “Follies” down to the last detail.

[quote] I'm the community cum rag.

What’s your name?

I'm the Mandatory Remedial English Courses (ENG F101A, ENG F101B, ENG F101C) required before full entry to the campus is permitted.

My instructor is O. Dear, Ph.D.

He requires and receives frequent psychiatric treatment in order to continue, given the stress.

[quote[I'm the community cum rag.

[quote]What’s your name?

Why, R7, of course!

I’m the Queers for Palestine camp. We have gluten free vegan food and lots of colored hair and student debt.

In addition to r2, I'm also xenophobia.

I'm the dorm where all the twinks live. I'm called Twink Dorm.

I’m the RA. I’m always breaking up the fiddly diddling in the showers!

I am the Dean of Admissions. I have a stamp that says “Nubile Twink”.

[quote] I’m the Queers for Palestine camp. We have gluten free vegan food and lots of colored hair and student debt.

But no bagels!

I’m the caftans worn as graduation gowns.

I am the earrings handed out as Graduation Rings.

I am the collective “present hole “ at the graduation ceremony.

I’m stewed prunes in the cafeteria. Again. Nobody ever touches them but they keep being put out.

I'm the Annual LindseyBelle Cotillion, where we all dress up in our finest hoop skirts and parasols.

Im the protestors outside saying (correctly) that DU should not be celebrating a closeted, Trump-ass-kissing political coward.

I'm the Darfur Orphan attending on a Full Scholarship.

I'm the grammar classes where the grammar queens get their impeccable skills.

I'm DataLounge University's most brilliant alum. Most people call me a genius.

I'm majoring in Donald Trump.

Oh look, another Trump major.

I'm the vintage gang showers in the dorms and locker rooms that will NEVAH. BE. REPLACED.

I'm Dean Nancy Lee Grahn. I spend most of my time on social media correcting the poor word choices of the students.

We are the progressives occupying the Quad. We have DEMANDS, but we forgot what they are. Rest assured they are just and necessary.

Our minders will remind us. We’re not supposed to be speaking to you without permission.

Don’t punish us. And don’t ask our names. This action is meant to be consequence-free for us. We’re all fired up to fight oppression, but not at any cost to ourselves.

Just think of it like an exercise in performative outrage, but of course you must give in to our DEMANDS, if not before we take your scholarships and degrees, then certainly right after.

I’m the traditional freshman initiation: performing “Shortnin’ Bread” and “My Hero” in the Vivian Vance Memorial Theatre while the upperclassmen pull pranks on the stage behind them.

I'm...the Quad.

I'm giving the commensshment addressh!

Liza, don’t slur your words!

I'm the gang showers. The only kind on campus.

I'm the interesting departments in the campus store: sex toys, speedos, classic jock straps, makeup and moisturisers, polo shirts only in sizes XS, S, and M.

I'm the admissions policy that clearly states: no fems or fatties.

No Lizha, R32, not after your appearance in the SATC II movie. You are banned from public events.

All freshmen must pass a swim test. The young men will be tested only in the old Men's Field house, during the hours of the naked swim.

I am the male university diving team. I am known for my well done TikTok videos.

The glory hole tearooms on campus are all protected by Faraday cages to block all localisation apps. This brings old timey anticipation and mystery - you never know who you will find or if it will be dead or hopping. Needless to say, campus security may not patrol these tea rooms.

I am the sudden closure in 2025 when it is discovered that large funds have been misappropriated by the provost for AbuDhabi vacations with The Cockgobbler.

I'm teaching English Hyperbole. There isn't anything mundane enough that couldn't be sensationalized to sound like a constitutional crisis.

I'm the only university to offer a major in Advanced Golden Girls Studies!

R35 “You’re too fat, GET OUT!!!!!”

I am the free Prep vending machines at every turn.

I'm the prof who teaches Gay history and it's about gay and bisexual men only. Nothing and nobody else. The course will never be renamed Queer history. I have very secure tenure and if you don't like this history, you can fuck off.

I'm the newly tenured professor of marriage and family therapy.

R46 That’s too radical! I’m melllllttttinnnnggg. 🫠

[quote] I'm the gang showers. The only kind on campus.

How about golden showers?

[quote] I'm the admissions policy that clearly states: no fems or fatties.

How about Asians?

We're the BEAR fraternity. Do not enter without pizza and comic books and beer.

I am the chair of the Sports Medicine Program. I will cause a $500 million law suit in 2039.

Our bespoke financial aid policy is anything but "need blind". All young men with their hands out must offer two out of four stellar features, minimum: gorgeous face, hot body, big dick, perfect ass. We will dump a fortune on a rich boy with 3 out of 4, to prevent him choosing the Ivy League. Fugly and poor? NOK

Two professors teaching at branch campuses:

Kellyanne at the salons of Paris.

Miss Lindsey at the baths of Istanbul.

I'm the most popular non-credit course offered in DataLounge University history: how to get straight guys to dig the homosex.

Sorry, course is filled for the next twelve semesters.

I'm the Hissing Eldergays School of Music.

^No rap. This is a School of MUSIC!

For our own amusement, we actively encourage Apex Sorority Culture of the richest, prettiest, most hard partying, sluttiest and bitchiest girls in the land.

Meet Demir, our new assistant coach of Kırkpınar, Turkish Oil Wrestling. Hacky sack has been banned on the quads.

I'm 95%.

I'm the failure to graduate rate.

I’m this awful thread that doesn’t have one humorous or insightful post.

I'm the witless Bitter Betty who clicks on the thread, knowing it's going to be low brow, just to complain about that.

I'm R61, needing a tampon change.

R61 applied for an Angel position and was summarily rejected. Angels are modelled after Vassar's White Angels, dorm receptionists dressed like nurses, who controlled all entries and exits and curfews on the Vassar campus.

We're looking for stern, middle-aged, gay men for the posts, who command authority yet know when to indulge a delightful peccadillo.

I'm Dearest O'Dear. Be a dear and don't miss my exciting new course in Diagramming the Sentence 101.

I'm the fraternity house, Kunta Kunta Kunta.

I'm R61. I have a PhD in cuntery from DataLounge University and graduated summa cum laude.

But you already knew that.

I'm the new exchange student from Italy, whom everyone checks out in the shower, while I slowly lather my muscles and huge cock. For some reason, everyone wants to take a shower when I'm in there.

[quote] graduated summa cum laude.

At DL University it’s “sum cum lad”.

I'm the glory holes in the library carrels for boys who are studying REAL HARD.

I an Dawson F.. I work in shipping and receiving, mostly in receiving.

I'm Professor Sum Ting Wong, head of the Asian Studies Department. Ho Lee Fuk is a visiting scholar.

I'm the cafeteria. We're out of Red Dragon Cheese.

Red Dragon. Correct.

R73, how about Wei Tu Lo?

Don't miss visiting Urban Linguistics Professor Rosie O'Donnell's lecture: "Reclaiming Ching Chong Ching Chong Chong Chong in a Post-Appropriation Political Economy."

Hilaria Baldwin comes to campus with her participatory workshop "A Castilian Gurudevica's New Kama Sutra". (This workshop will be conducted in Spanish and Sanskrit.)

I’m the Dean’s List.

A list of the hottest students who get to perform on the OnlyFans of president Dean Szlist.

I’m Ginny in billing. I don’t really “get” school, but I receive excellent benefits.

I look like I'm still in third grade. 👼

I’m the toga parties, made with authentic imported material. Anyone wearing a bedsheet gets kicked out.

I'm the school colors, chosen by Joey Luft: different shades of blue.

I’m the dozen hick townies who never spent a day on this campus, but will tell you all the ways the college experience is one big cartoon of blue hair dye, communism, and DEI lectures.

They mow our lawns for forty years, and call it the School of Hard Knocks.

Film Studies 365: Films That Gary Talked Her Out of Doing

This upper-level seminar will focus on famous Hollywood and international films of the late 1960s through the early 1980s with strong female roles which Lucille Ball might well have played had her producer-husband not dissuaded her. Discussions will focus primarily on at what point in the movie Ball would have performed "The Spider" to show regret and/or disgust; which co-stars she would have made cry; and how much booze she would have knocked back on the set. Films to be analyzed may include: Rosemary's Baby, Bonnie and Clyde, Belle de Jour, Cabaret, The Devils, The Day of the Locust, Swept Away, One Flew 0ver the Cuckoo's Nest, The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant, An Unmarried Woman, Norma Rae, Coal Miner's Daughter, and Sophie's Choice. Prerequisites: Film Studies 101 and 102.

I’m the motto:

Datalounge U - Sat Habeo

(Latin for I Have Sufficient)

For an advanced class in painting Neanderthal nudes, ‘’Large Marge’ has graciously volunteered to pose.

I’m the Patsy Ramsey Institute for the Study of Motherhood

I’m Mike Branson. I got my law degree here.

R87 is unauthorized.

If DLU had a "Museum of Human Oddities," after whom would it be named?

OP what is the Equity Building?

I’m guest lecturer Matt Damon on the history of fa…gay rights.

I am Dean Muriel. I handle faculty affairs and expulsions.

The Equity Building houses the DEI infrastructure, including the university officials, their staffs and the various safe spaces. There’s also a coffee shop.

There is a re-education module for white cis-men.

Is there a menstrual hut available for womon on garbage detail?

I’m the dorm rooms furnished with fainting couches instead of single beds.

We're George and Martha. An invitation to our house on campus is not for the faint of heart or weak of liver. The performative nature of our evenings makes the challenge of special interest to drama students.

Cute boys?

[quote]STRAIGHT A'S, DEAN'S LIST, CHANCELLOR'S DORM, PRIVATELY SPONSORED ONLYFANS!!!!

What does the A possess?

DL University is delighted to announce that 'Hump the Hostess' , previously available only to full time graduate students and non-tenured professors, has opened eligibility to all Undergrads over the age of 17. George has had a revelation so Hump the Host is open to all ages and genders.

Friends, if you plan on staying in your dormitory over the Christmas holidays, decorations must be tasteful!

A is for Athlete

B is for Beautiful

C is for Cute

D is for Dumb

F is for Female

We're sorry dear, but chicks with dicks may not compete in intercollegiate sports restricted to women. If you don't like it, transfer to another university because our donor base has spoken.

I'm the surprisingly lengthy course list for the minor in "TV Dinner Appreciation."

I'm the heated debates over which mayonnaise is the best!

I'm the campus health clinic, with a renowned specialty in resolving meat sweats and "socially acquired" anal fissures. We have a satellite clinic on Fire Island.

And the deadly new fungal strain that spreads across campus within one year and forces closure of Datalounge University.

Is the campus in Iowa?

I’m Marcia Cross. I’m planting pipe bombs on campus, you motherfuckers.

Will Tommy Tuberville be coaching the DLU football team?

University colors: flamingo, fuchsia & jasmine

The Lady Lindzebelle Cultural Affairs Center is opening an exhibit of antebellum women and gents wardrobes in the Gentleman Callers room through the parlor.

I'm the Sensory Awareness dorm where the cafeteria serves nothing other than fixded cheeseburgers.

I'm the Musical Theater Dept. The only production we do is " Follies." No one seems to complain.

I’m the “Mommie Dearest” Masterclass. Knowledge of the book is a plus, but most important is being able to quote the film verbatim.

R109 Yes, and it works out since they banned all the gay books they don’t have to read. And you can eat as much as you want still be the thin one.

R116 “NOW SCRUB… SCRUB”

R118 And if you question the professor…

“Don’t…you…EVER use that tone of voice with me, MISSY!”

The campus STILL doesn't have official colors, a mascot, or an architectural theme. Every time we convene the design committee, it devolves into physical violence before we even finish calling roll.

I’m House Cleaning 101.

Semester 1: moving trees when polishing floors.

Semester 2: Why Miss Jenkins’ word is not good enough!

R22

I´m green with envy because nobody gives a shit about me. But i have pictures with Audrey Hepburn and Sophia Loren to console me.

I'm the guest lecturer in Journalism 101.

I am Barbara Bennett from Redbook.

R124 Lesson 1: focusing on your original assignment while ignoring a much juicer story occurring IN THE OTHER ROOM.

Our own DLU has not been immune to the recent campus unrest that has plagued our country. Just last week a group of violent protestors (fueled by outside agitators no doubt) staged a sit-in outside the psychology building. They vow to to remain until the university issues a formal proclamation that men who have sex with other men can never, under any circumstances, be called straight.

Wednesday is twice around the garden at the Irma S. Rombauer Canteen. Faux pot luck church brunch, first Sunday of the month.

Might I suggest an official campus color of Wallis blue by Mainbocher?

[quote] Faux pot luck church brunch, first Sunday of the month.

It’s a soupluck not a potluck.

Church brunch?? Church???

Literal violence!

There will be no damned BRF, manqué or otherwise, at Datalounge U.

Pudgy politicians are welcomed to visit. That includes Ron DeSantis and JD Vance.

I’m JD Vance at the adjacent drug store looking for eyeliner for my big day.

I’m the eternal argument are we DU or DLU?

P.S. As there are no graduate programs, the title “university” is dubious.

I highly recommend an Associate in Arts degree {2 year program) at DLU’s Charm and Finishing Institute. It’s about how to become a proper, well dressed, and eloquent lady with developed manners and interactive skills for the most sophisticated social circles.

Im the New Risky hire, Opera Diva/Human rights teacher from Argentina. Im here not for the money but to rip a piece off these privileged first world spoiled private school boys. I'm off kilter my first semester because no matter how much I humiliate them in front of the class they keep coming back for more.

Is George Santos the Chancellor?

What do you mean, no graduate program??? Where else could one get a masters in The Golden Girls??

No accredited graduate program.

I'm the Spectrum Building housing the Aspie Chair held by the Autism Troll emeritus.

R139 Ironic, considering how utterly FAGGY most graduate programs are these days. Seriously, unless it's an MBA program, most of the dudes you'll meet are as gay as a picnic basket.

Graduate programs are so FAGGY that Matt Damon didn't even graduate from university! He didn't want that taint!

Is the DLU an institution of learning or a teenage brothel?!

R143 That depends on how closely you examine the Dominican birth certificates of the DLU wrestling team.

[quote] DLU has an impeccable reputation!

On what planet?

Let’s be the football team, we’re the Trojans!

I should have known DLU knows where to find the boys, and the booze!

"Graduate programs are so FAGGY that Matt Damon didn't even graduate from university! He didn't want that taint!"

Funny - He was all about the taint when we were in school. He licked mine every night!

-Ben

If I catch any of you bitches making out in the stables, I’m going to TELL!!!

R149, the Sarah Jessica Parker Memorial Stables.

^She’s not dead

[quote] ^She’s not dead

They shoot horses, don't they?

The Richard Simmons Center with Richard missing.

Sweatin’ to the Oldies for eldergays and obese lesbians. Karens not welcomed.

I’m the sorority house, Delta Upsilon Delta.

We’re all DUDs here.

No, [bold]I'm[/bold] the fraternity house, [bold]PH[/bold]i [bold]A[/bold]lpha [bold]G[/bold]amma

I'm the Datalounge École de Théatre Prisspot Players of the Dramatique Arts' production of the classic "Dial C For Cunt."