If you died tomorrow, what is the funniest/most embarrassing thing your loved ones would find in your house?

I think we all know the answer to this question lol.

It's always the porn.

R1 Huge thick dildos?

I have a couple pair of ratty boxer briefs that have holes, thread bare, the band is almost completely detached, they're loose and I like to wear them under my pajamas. I suppose if they could get into my search history, the porn would be embarrassing...oh, and my messy pantry.

My autographed DVD of LucyMAME.

Someone should have asked me this question!

My poetry journal solely dedicated to a past object of limerence.

I think I burned it all 20 years ago.

R4 Wait. You wear underwear under your pajamas?

Bag of edibles?

OMG you people are amateurs. Amateurs do you hear me?!

just a big hatbox of sex toys. whatever, I am not embarrassed.

All my voodoo stuff. They’d get a kick out of it

Uhh… my body?

When my best friend died a few years ago, I found something called a Wizzinator in his place. It's basically a fake penis device used by addicts to beat drug tests. I took possession of that, so it's in my house. Other than that I have a LOT of porn.

The Whizzinator - now in Latino!

The most embarrassing thing would be my laptop's bookmark list, which is why I have no intention of giving anyone the computer's password.

R 15, i dobelieve they still sell the Whizzinator"

A Severed Head in the freezer.

My relatives will find absolutely nothing in my house because not one of them will be allowed into my properties. My heirs have a list of what things they are to hand over to the relatives that I am leaving anything to. The rest of them can rot for all I care.

My collection of Gone With the Wind porcelain dolls

My extra large black dildos

My KKK robe

When I was clearing out my parents’ house, I found a vibrator that looked like it had been made in the 1800s.

R7 been there done that as well 😂

Datalounge subscription. Yes, mom, I was R452 of that thread.

The red-and-white-striped dartboards embedded with their faces at the central bullseye locations, on my den’s wall. I’m so glad that I got to practice on mom and dad so well and long, before I moved out on my own and put those damned boards up on my wall. How fun and coordination-building it was for me to practice embedding my darts in their respective foreheads!

My suitcase of Barbie dolls. I’m ashamed to even admit it here, anonymously.

Hold on to your Barbie collection R26. A friend of mine (more butch than most of my straight friends), has a huge collection that is worth $$ to collectors. Just try to keep them in their original packaging. "Barbies are also often sought by collectors as highly prized collectible items around the world. Collectors are looking especially for well-preserved, vintage Barbie dolls with original packaging, outfits, and accessories." Sell it before you die and splurge on a fancy vacation!

I'll be dead. I won't care.

About 20 years ago I bought an entire wardrobe to cosplay as Little Edie Beale in many different settings and seasons.

My bank balance.

My extensive gay porn collection

Frighteningly large dildo, fuck machine.

My home built dog escalator.

Prostate stimulator with remote control. It goes like a buzzsaw.

I have many journals going back to 1992 in my closet, having always kept one. Who knows what I wrote about years ago, but there is a lot of good dirt in there.

[quote] —J. Dahlmer

Oh, dear.

My will.

All but one of them will be embarrassed.

One will not be, and he's the executor.

Nothing, they will find nothing. I'm secretive.

[quote] Nothing, they will find nothing.

That would be cool to make your home your pyre.

Nah, R40. This is what a house looked like after a guy lit a cigarette while the gas was leaking inside.

earrings

Caftans!

A friend instructed me that if he died I was to get into the house before his family did and dispose of a bankers' box innocuously named "Batman 66 Videos."

I will shred my diaries (dating back to 1973) when I get a terminal diagnosis. If I die unexpectedly, I have instructed my spouse to burn my diaries, warning him not to read them lest he be vexed.

I have no sex toys, no porn stash, but during my last days I will dump all the search history on my PC.

I have no fear of loved ones finding anything in particular. What I do have an irrational fear of (thanks to the enormous amount of true crime content I've consumed over the years) is either being abducted or murdered in some fantastic/intriguing way that makes it ripe for true crime fodder.

There have been so many cases where the victim's search history, diaries, purchases, text messages, emails, pictures of every room of their home at the time of their disappearance/demise are entered into evidence and publicly pored over by hundreds of thousands of people for decades, revealing all kinds of private or shameful details of their lives that would have otherwise never seen the light of day.

About once a year, I do a great big "just in case I'm murdered" cleaning. It's a hell of a way to live.

I just received a new pocket bussy from Ebay. I was surprised that so many items were sold out, and how cheap they've become. I guess most men own some sort of masturbator now.

Jimmy Hoffa

My vibrating butt plug (with remote control!) and my sealed carton of unused RAW cones is sure to bring a giggle. Got them both from Amazon Vine too.

My big jar of Albolene under my bed.

A big sex toy of a butt (full size) with balls. It's in its original box in the back of my closet. I don't know how to get rid of it - I hate to throw it away, it cost $250.

[quote] My big jar of Albolene under my bed.

Astroglide will do in a pinch!

R52 — water based is sticky and gross. I’m curious about silicone lubes, but I know it can stain bed sheets.

I'm afraid my husband will find my collection of cast-signed programs from Andrew Lloyd Webber's musicals.

r51 if I found that in my friend's house I would definitely tell! Butt AND balls, you say?

The fact I was on this website all the effing time if they check my iPad.

My husband has already gone behind my back and read all my journals. That smug look on his face, that smirk. It made him feel good. I can live with that. He even now knows a lot of it was written that way because I knew he was snooping.

But his private stuff is so boring, worse when he was an attache for a local politician. Very Spock. I married a guy like my older brother.

My 3d printed model of a clitoris.

But they probably wouldn't know what it was...especially the men.

Chinese masturbation device with milking, vibrating action.

[quote]But his private stuff is so boring, worse when he was an attache for a local politician. Very Spock. I married a guy like my older brother.

Chasten, isn't it the twins' bedtime?