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If you died tomorrow, what is the funniest/most embarrassing thing your loved ones would find in your house?

The funniest or most embarrassing thing will get a special prize.

by Anonymousreply 60May 30, 2024 5:35 AM

I think we all know the answer to this question lol.

by Anonymousreply 1May 28, 2024 12:12 AM

It's always the porn.

by Anonymousreply 2May 28, 2024 12:12 AM

R1 Huge thick dildos?

by Anonymousreply 3May 28, 2024 12:16 AM

I have a couple pair of ratty boxer briefs that have holes, thread bare, the band is almost completely detached, they're loose and I like to wear them under my pajamas. I suppose if they could get into my search history, the porn would be embarrassing...oh, and my messy pantry.

by Anonymousreply 4May 28, 2024 12:18 AM

My autographed DVD of LucyMAME.

by Anonymousreply 5May 28, 2024 12:18 AM

Someone should have asked me this question!

by Anonymousreply 6May 28, 2024 12:20 AM

My poetry journal solely dedicated to a past object of limerence.

by Anonymousreply 7May 28, 2024 12:22 AM

I think I burned it all 20 years ago.

by Anonymousreply 8May 28, 2024 12:25 AM

R4 Wait. You wear underwear under your pajamas?

by Anonymousreply 9May 28, 2024 12:29 AM

Bag of edibles?

by Anonymousreply 10May 28, 2024 12:30 AM

OMG you people are amateurs. Amateurs do you hear me?!

by Anonymousreply 11May 28, 2024 12:31 AM

just a big hatbox of sex toys. whatever, I am not embarrassed.

by Anonymousreply 12May 28, 2024 12:34 AM

All my voodoo stuff. They’d get a kick out of it

by Anonymousreply 13May 28, 2024 12:34 AM

Uhh… my body?

by Anonymousreply 14May 28, 2024 12:35 AM

When my best friend died a few years ago, I found something called a Wizzinator in his place. It's basically a fake penis device used by addicts to beat drug tests. I took possession of that, so it's in my house. Other than that I have a LOT of porn.

by Anonymousreply 15May 28, 2024 12:46 AM

The Whizzinator - now in Latino!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 16May 28, 2024 12:57 AM

The most embarrassing thing would be my laptop's bookmark list, which is why I have no intention of giving anyone the computer's password.

by Anonymousreply 17May 28, 2024 2:10 AM

R 15, i dobelieve they still sell the Whizzinator"

by Anonymousreply 18May 28, 2024 2:19 AM

A Severed Head in the freezer.

by Anonymousreply 19May 28, 2024 2:21 AM

My relatives will find absolutely nothing in my house because not one of them will be allowed into my properties. My heirs have a list of what things they are to hand over to the relatives that I am leaving anything to. The rest of them can rot for all I care.

by Anonymousreply 20May 28, 2024 2:21 AM

My collection of Gone With the Wind porcelain dolls

My extra large black dildos

My KKK robe

by Anonymousreply 21May 28, 2024 2:24 AM

When I was clearing out my parents’ house, I found a vibrator that looked like it had been made in the 1800s.

by Anonymousreply 22May 28, 2024 2:40 AM

R7 been there done that as well 😂

by Anonymousreply 23May 28, 2024 2:43 AM

Datalounge subscription. Yes, mom, I was R452 of that thread.

by Anonymousreply 24May 28, 2024 3:36 AM

The red-and-white-striped dartboards embedded with their faces at the central bullseye locations, on my den’s wall. I’m so glad that I got to practice on mom and dad so well and long, before I moved out on my own and put those damned boards up on my wall. How fun and coordination-building it was for me to practice embedding my darts in their respective foreheads!

by Anonymousreply 25May 28, 2024 4:10 AM

My suitcase of Barbie dolls. I’m ashamed to even admit it here, anonymously.

by Anonymousreply 26May 28, 2024 4:15 AM

Hold on to your Barbie collection R26. A friend of mine (more butch than most of my straight friends), has a huge collection that is worth $$ to collectors. Just try to keep them in their original packaging. "Barbies are also often sought by collectors as highly prized collectible items around the world. Collectors are looking especially for well-preserved, vintage Barbie dolls with original packaging, outfits, and accessories." Sell it before you die and splurge on a fancy vacation!

by Anonymousreply 27May 28, 2024 9:44 AM

I'll be dead. I won't care.

by Anonymousreply 28May 28, 2024 10:01 AM

About 20 years ago I bought an entire wardrobe to cosplay as Little Edie Beale in many different settings and seasons.

by Anonymousreply 29May 28, 2024 10:42 AM

My bank balance.

by Anonymousreply 30May 28, 2024 11:08 AM

My extensive gay porn collection

by Anonymousreply 31May 28, 2024 4:00 PM
Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 32May 28, 2024 4:17 PM

Frighteningly large dildo, fuck machine.

by Anonymousreply 33May 28, 2024 4:22 PM

My home built dog escalator.

by Anonymousreply 34May 28, 2024 4:31 PM

Prostate stimulator with remote control. It goes like a buzzsaw.

by Anonymousreply 35May 28, 2024 4:33 PM

I have many journals going back to 1992 in my closet, having always kept one. Who knows what I wrote about years ago, but there is a lot of good dirt in there.

by Anonymousreply 36May 28, 2024 5:01 PM

[quote] —J. Dahlmer

Oh, dear.

by Anonymousreply 37May 28, 2024 5:27 PM

My will.

All but one of them will be embarrassed.

One will not be, and he's the executor.

by Anonymousreply 38May 28, 2024 5:42 PM

Nothing, they will find nothing. I'm secretive.

by Anonymousreply 39May 28, 2024 5:47 PM

[quote] Nothing, they will find nothing.

That would be cool to make your home your pyre.

by Anonymousreply 40May 28, 2024 6:09 PM

Nah, R40. This is what a house looked like after a guy lit a cigarette while the gas was leaking inside.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 41May 28, 2024 6:13 PM


by Anonymousreply 42May 28, 2024 6:14 PM


by Anonymousreply 43May 28, 2024 6:14 PM

A friend instructed me that if he died I was to get into the house before his family did and dispose of a bankers' box innocuously named "Batman 66 Videos."

by Anonymousreply 44May 28, 2024 7:12 PM

I will shred my diaries (dating back to 1973) when I get a terminal diagnosis. If I die unexpectedly, I have instructed my spouse to burn my diaries, warning him not to read them lest he be vexed.

I have no sex toys, no porn stash, but during my last days I will dump all the search history on my PC.

by Anonymousreply 45May 28, 2024 7:24 PM

I have no fear of loved ones finding anything in particular. What I do have an irrational fear of (thanks to the enormous amount of true crime content I've consumed over the years) is either being abducted or murdered in some fantastic/intriguing way that makes it ripe for true crime fodder.

There have been so many cases where the victim's search history, diaries, purchases, text messages, emails, pictures of every room of their home at the time of their disappearance/demise are entered into evidence and publicly pored over by hundreds of thousands of people for decades, revealing all kinds of private or shameful details of their lives that would have otherwise never seen the light of day.

About once a year, I do a great big "just in case I'm murdered" cleaning. It's a hell of a way to live.

by Anonymousreply 46May 29, 2024 1:13 PM

I just received a new pocket bussy from Ebay. I was surprised that so many items were sold out, and how cheap they've become. I guess most men own some sort of masturbator now.

by Anonymousreply 47May 29, 2024 1:56 PM

Jimmy Hoffa

by Anonymousreply 48May 29, 2024 3:29 PM

My vibrating butt plug (with remote control!) and my sealed carton of unused RAW cones is sure to bring a giggle. Got them both from Amazon Vine too.

by Anonymousreply 49May 29, 2024 4:55 PM

My big jar of Albolene under my bed.

by Anonymousreply 50May 29, 2024 4:58 PM

A big sex toy of a butt (full size) with balls. It's in its original box in the back of my closet. I don't know how to get rid of it - I hate to throw it away, it cost $250.

by Anonymousreply 51May 29, 2024 5:01 PM

[quote] My big jar of Albolene under my bed.

Astroglide will do in a pinch!

by Anonymousreply 52May 29, 2024 5:20 PM

R52 — water based is sticky and gross. I’m curious about silicone lubes, but I know it can stain bed sheets.

by Anonymousreply 53May 29, 2024 5:25 PM

I'm afraid my husband will find my collection of cast-signed programs from Andrew Lloyd Webber's musicals.

by Anonymousreply 54May 29, 2024 6:05 PM

r51 if I found that in my friend's house I would definitely tell! Butt AND balls, you say?

by Anonymousreply 55May 29, 2024 6:47 PM

The fact I was on this website all the effing time if they check my iPad.

by Anonymousreply 56May 29, 2024 8:20 PM

My husband has already gone behind my back and read all my journals. That smug look on his face, that smirk. It made him feel good. I can live with that. He even now knows a lot of it was written that way because I knew he was snooping.

But his private stuff is so boring, worse when he was an attache for a local politician. Very Spock. I married a guy like my older brother.

by Anonymousreply 57May 30, 2024 2:31 AM

My 3d printed model of a clitoris.

But they probably wouldn't know what it was...especially the men.

by Anonymousreply 58May 30, 2024 3:00 AM

Chinese masturbation device with milking, vibrating action.

by Anonymousreply 59May 30, 2024 3:20 AM

[quote]But his private stuff is so boring, worse when he was an attache for a local politician. Very Spock. I married a guy like my older brother.

Chasten, isn't it the twins' bedtime?

by Anonymousreply 60May 30, 2024 5:35 AM
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