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Do you think it would be stupid to go on sedatives because I can't handle aging?

I'll be 45 soon and can't stand the thought of being middle aged. There's just nothing to look forward to anymore. I've never taken any mental medications in my life, but the sadness of aging is overwhelming me. I'm not happy with my life, I've wasted so much time, and now it's too late to change anything significant. Also, I look like shit. I was never attractive, but my skin was firm and now it's getting saggy and I can't stand it. I'm getting lazier too and lack the energy I once had. I'm so depressed every day over this because I think about it from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep.

I'm not ready to be old yet, but according to society and the media, I'm middle aged and over the hill and that's it, game over, sit down. I knew it was coming, but for years I've been in denial, but it's really wearing me out. There's a new nightclub that opened in my city, and I'd like to go, but feel way too old even though I really want to because I haven't had a good night out in ages. Also, I don't have a lot of friends and anyone I do know is boring and married, and MIDDLE AGED. No young person would want to become my friend.

I got even more fed up last night because I went looking through a travel agency brochure for group holidays, you know the ones where you can go with a group of strangers on a bus, so you don't need to bring your own friends. Anyway, some of the holidays are categorized by age, like 18-24, 25-34, 35-40, 40 plus, and beyond. Seeing those numbers makes me feel sick and unwell. What if I don't want to hang out with old people? I just......I don't even know what to say.

by Anonymousreply 60June 2, 2024 6:50 PM

Just smoke copious amounts of pot, silly!

by Anonymousreply 1May 26, 2024 11:29 AM

You sound insufferable.

by Anonymousreply 2May 26, 2024 11:30 AM

“I don’t even know what to say”

Funny, though, you knew enough to start a new account to post this, the first and thus far the only thing you’ve posted on this account. Is that because you don’t want us to see your previous posts on the same subject? Someone, almost weekly it seems, posts something similar. Could that be you?

I do know what to say. A therapist will do you a lot more good if you have serious problems and want to fix them. If you don’t want to change what you’re doing, keep posting on DL.

by Anonymousreply 3May 26, 2024 11:35 AM

Someone needs an estrogen pill.

by Anonymousreply 4May 26, 2024 11:36 AM

Would you prefer death over aging because I'm sure they're are lots of people who died in their youth who would love to trade places with you.

by Anonymousreply 5May 26, 2024 11:50 AM

Someone really should do some thinking. Not more bullshitting to strangers but thinking.

In the States, anyway, this is Memorial Day weekend. It’s when we honor our war dead, many if not most of whom didn’t live half as long as OP even if they saw far more truly terrible things before dying. The whinge-fest this weekend thus seems incredibly selfish. Did they die so you could piss and moan, OP?

Someone needs something more than estrogen. Like decency. Or common sense.

by Anonymousreply 6May 26, 2024 11:53 AM

Jesus, OP. I’m around the same age as you. As I hit 40, i was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. I’m struggling just to stay alive. Believe me, I’ve never appreciated life more. Things are not going well though and I’m not even sure I’ll make it through the year. Don’t waste your precious life in self-pity. Do what you love and appreciate what you’ve got. The only alternative to getting older is…well, not.

by Anonymousreply 7May 26, 2024 12:19 PM

Sending you love and hope, R7.

by Anonymousreply 8May 26, 2024 12:26 PM

My life improves with age as I make more money and understand myself better. You’re just doing it wrong, OP.

I know you’re probably a troll, however, so I’m not really speaking to you but rather perhaps someone else who thinks similarly and came to this thread. Your 40s, 50s and 60s can be the best years of your life.

by Anonymousreply 9May 26, 2024 12:26 PM

I condole you, OP.

by Anonymousreply 10May 26, 2024 12:27 PM

What R7 said. Getting old is a privilege. Lots of people never got to 45. Lots of people get fucking cancer or hit by a car and die before they graduate high school. You were the lucky bastard who got to 45 and now you are whining because … why, exactly?

by Anonymousreply 11May 26, 2024 12:30 PM

30 is middle age for gays. You are delusional at 45.

by Anonymousreply 12May 26, 2024 12:31 PM

Take all that self pitty and effort you are putting into hating your life and start working out. IF you are shredded it won't matter how old you are, you will be getting laid...and isn't that the goal in life?

by Anonymousreply 13May 26, 2024 12:32 PM

One day something really terrible will happen to you or someone you love.,Then you’ll wish this was still your biggest worry.

by Anonymousreply 14May 26, 2024 12:34 PM

OP, browse through some articles in the Guardian's "A New Start After 60" series for some inspiration. Some of the accounts are so joyous, they might cheer you up a little.

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by Anonymousreply 15May 26, 2024 12:36 PM

And yet you bring your menstrual cycles, lack of creative-writing skills, and miserable bullshit to us, you cunt.

And you've looked middle-aged since you finally grew out of your overworked diapers.

by Anonymousreply 16May 26, 2024 12:40 PM

And I thought I was fucked up.

by Anonymousreply 17May 26, 2024 12:41 PM

You’ve been aging since you were born. Why complain now. Just don’t change a thing and quit your bitch chin.

by Anonymousreply 18May 26, 2024 12:46 PM


by Anonymousreply 19May 26, 2024 12:47 PM

Can you find some other people around that age and be friends? I know it's a big change but it's not the end of the world.

If you need therapy or an antidepressant to deal with it, it might be a good idea. You shouldn't have to feel this way about something that everyone goes through (if they're lucky to live long enough).

Instead of nightclubs which are notably more for the younger crowds, try other hobbies. I remember going to a few nightclubs and wondering why people even liked those places. Awkward hookups and hangovers, and dramatic social interactions with people I was newly acquainted with wasn't my cup of tea.

You need to get out and get friends your age op!

by Anonymousreply 20May 26, 2024 12:48 PM

OP, sounds like you need to take a little trip to see your sister Stella in New Orleans.

by Anonymousreply 21May 26, 2024 12:50 PM

Do you have any hobbies or interests other than:



Doing Drugs


Merely existing outside the home and/or workplace

by Anonymousreply 22May 26, 2024 12:58 PM

If you think 45 is bad wait till you turn 62.

by Anonymousreply 23May 26, 2024 1:04 PM

Try Seconal. It's a great sedative and not at all addicting.

by Anonymousreply 24May 26, 2024 1:11 PM

You make your to own life. From the inside out. Stop looking outside to the media and popular culture to tell you who you are. Look inside and decide for yourself. Also it sounds like you didn’t really do anything with your youth, so why are you so desperate to hold on to it? Make THESE your good years. Get over the ignorance of the youth pr campaign. You’re supposed to be getting wiser as the years go by. You still think like a kid. Read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. The past is a memory and the future is imagination, so really only RIGHT NOW is real. Make it count.

by Anonymousreply 25May 26, 2024 1:13 PM

Get a fucking life and snap out of it OP. You sound pathetic.

by Anonymousreply 26May 26, 2024 1:21 PM

Honestly if you need to be sedated to deal with the THOUGHT of aging, you should just end it all. Take the whole bottle with whiskey.

by Anonymousreply 27May 26, 2024 1:25 PM

Valium. You're life won't get better, it never does, but for me it's made life tolerable. I wish I had started taking it when I was much younger. Homely all my life, hobbies, new pursuits, trying to be more sociable, years of therapy. All I got out of it was more frustration and loneliness. Maybe I was born with a chemical imbalance but I can honestly say I had nothing going for me. Like nothing. Not even parents who loved me. Jesus Christ he's gay!

Anyway after all these years of nothing working out for me(as happens to some people, see Night Mother that's my life) and never having a real home, just basements and tiny apartments, I finally got on Valium and I can accept it. I recently became a senior citizen and it's not a big deal. I never had much sex or made friends, no talent for them, though I wanted them so achingly, but now I can accept it and go on living.

And if you think solving your problems with medication is a terrible thing just think of all the people who ended up in institutions and committed suicide before any of these things were available. Yes this still happens but I'll willingly take what works for me. Find what works for you Op even if it is medication. Also pay for a gay masseur. Like cats and dogs we need to be touched and treated affectionately even if we have to pay for it it's worth it. Of course not ideal. You want somebody who loves you and wants to make love to you and you want to want to return that affection but for some it's their fate to be alone and without love. Like the terrible things that happen to people who have cancer dying at a young age or are killed in accidents or who are murdered. There is tragedy all around us and you make do the best you can.

by Anonymousreply 28May 26, 2024 1:35 PM

Sedatives like benzos OP? No, never, ever go on them. Go to the gym. Exercise is great for depression. Eat healthy, take natural supplements. Reconnect with nature. Be more spiritual. Get a pet. Understand that everyone is in the same boat as you. Meditate and calm down. Become a Buddhist and find inner peace.

But don't take meds if you don't absolutely need them.

by Anonymousreply 29May 26, 2024 1:36 PM

Well I did ALL that stuff and it meant nothing. I got into great shape and it still did not make me feel better about myself. I ate healthy and I did not feel better about myself. Endless therapy-nothing. Hobbies-nothing. Listen life is cruel and all these same suggestions just do not work for some people. like being in a terrible car accident or turning out like Christopher Reeve. There are not answers for everything. You do what you can and sometimes even that isn't enough. What you are suggesting for some people, not all, is meaningless. And there is a good chance it is OPs misfortune they will not work for him.

by Anonymousreply 30May 26, 2024 1:50 PM

You know better than to ask DL about this issue,enjoy your responses.

by Anonymousreply 31May 26, 2024 2:01 PM

Oh, darling, you're just going through male menopause just like the rest of us did.

Some men develop depression, loss of sex drive, erectile dysfunction, and other physical and emotional symptoms when they reach their late 40s to early 50s. Other symptoms common in men this age are: mood swings and irritability.

If it gets bad, go see a therapist like I did. Mine gave me something to get through the blues without too much sorrow, then I snapped out of it and feel better taking nothing.

I also got a dog which forced me to get out of bed and go for exercise. That helped a lot, just getting out and walking and talking to neighbors. I also became more aware of my diet which helped. Your body is changing, sweetie. Pay attention to it, love it and it will love you. This too shall pass.

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by Anonymousreply 32May 26, 2024 2:37 PM

“Sedatives” is a 1960s term used to describe the meds that killed Marilyn Monroe and Dorothy Kilgallen. Seconal, etc.

You wouldn’t take ‘sedatives’ to feel better about anything. In fact, they would probably contribute to your aging - not make it better.

by Anonymousreply 33May 26, 2024 3:03 PM

R22 You left off "Writing ESTs for the Data Lounge"

by Anonymousreply 34May 26, 2024 3:08 PM

What a pussy. Everyone ages. Try to do so gracefully and keep living life. I'm actually happier now as I'm not judged on physical appearance anymore. I'll be even happier when I hit retirement age and can pursue things I'vebeen interested in like pottery and jewelry making.

by Anonymousreply 35May 26, 2024 3:43 PM

Fucking bastard OP doesn't know what a privilege or is to age as a gay person.

by Anonymousreply 36May 26, 2024 3:44 PM

OP, go volunteer at an assisted care facility. That should give you an appreciation for your relative youth.

by Anonymousreply 37May 26, 2024 5:53 PM

Do something nice for yourself, OP. Go buy some Lee Press-Ons.

by Anonymousreply 38May 26, 2024 5:58 PM

OP, when I was about your age, I was freaking out about aging, too. But something unexpected happened after I turned 55 this winter: I realized I'm OLD and, well, it's pretty cool! No one expects me to look great; if I want to downsize my life and occupation, it's fine. As long as my health and finances hold up, I'm happy!

Just stick it out. You might find you enjoy getting old.

by Anonymousreply 39May 26, 2024 6:05 PM

Read some books by James Hollis and do a re-examination of your life in preparation for the second half.

And find a therapist

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 40May 26, 2024 6:15 PM

With Age Comes Wisdon. It sounds like you must be physically younger than your years OP.

by Anonymousreply 41May 26, 2024 6:28 PM

I’m not even going to attempt to list all the ways you’re wrong but I do have to say that I’m impressed at your determination to define as impossible the doing of ANYTHING that would require you to make a change.

by Anonymousreply 42May 26, 2024 6:34 PM

Don't worry, on DL twenty years from now you'll still look 45.

by Anonymousreply 43May 26, 2024 6:52 PM

I insist you go on sedatives. Now. Many sedatives.

by Anonymousreply 44May 26, 2024 6:56 PM

I'm almost 71 OP. Trust me, the only thing that would do you any good is for a group of elderly men to slap you around for about an hour and try to knock some sense in your stupid ass.

by Anonymousreply 45May 26, 2024 8:07 PM

[quote] it's too late to change anything significant.

That's just bullshit. Embrace your redemption arc and ask yourself what you would like to be yet - not for yourself but maybe for others too, make a plan and work for it. Also, we're all going to die. It's the great unifier. Welcome to adulthood!

by Anonymousreply 46May 26, 2024 9:06 PM

OP, you're going through your midlife crisis. Don't worry about it. Next, you'll be behaving like a 21 year old. The best thing to do from now on is try to stay fit and healthy, eat well and make the most of life (it's a beautiful world, you will find something pleasurable to do).

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by Anonymousreply 47May 26, 2024 9:15 PM

As a guy in my late 50s, I can honestly say my life has improved with age.

You learn not to sweat a lot of the nonsense and hopefully have dropped from your life any of those friends with nothing to offer you.

Just stop staring in the mirror.

by Anonymousreply 48May 26, 2024 9:28 PM

Pay for some dick.

by Anonymousreply 49May 26, 2024 9:33 PM

Yes. What else is there?

by Anonymousreply 50May 26, 2024 9:35 PM

Will they stop you from posting? Then yes.

by Anonymousreply 51May 26, 2024 10:07 PM

Waaa Waaa Waaa

by Anonymousreply 52May 26, 2024 10:17 PM

You knew it was stupid when you asked the question OP.

by Anonymousreply 53May 26, 2024 10:22 PM

porn addicted demented twinks will still take your dick, life still has meaning

by Anonymousreply 54May 26, 2024 11:13 PM

Gurl please!!! At 45 you're an Embryo, still viable in the gay womb!! Go to the gym, change your career, get a facelift, buy new clothes whatever it is do what you need to do to be happy.. Also pharmaceutically prescribed solutions are not a good idea they typically lead to dementia. You've got 10 years to figure this out!

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by Anonymousreply 55May 27, 2024 12:03 AM

You still have your mind at 45, OP. And hopefully some years left. You will never be an Olympian or whatever you are so upset over, but guess what, 99.9% of those who started young won't be either. Find an interest and stick to it for once. If you have issues such as ADHD or drug addiction or whatever, get those settled. There is still time to do what you want to do. But there isn't as much time as there once was. Quit whining and take advantage now.

by Anonymousreply 56May 27, 2024 12:15 AM

My friend’s son just died at age 18. It was a car accident. No drugs involved. He just started college and was working at a pizza place.

I’ll be 65 this year. I’m retired. I have gratitude. I made it beyond 18. I went for a short hike today. Finished a good book. Snuggled my dogs. Watching hockey. Had a nice dinner.

Not once today did I fixate on my looks/aging. It’s so shallow to do that. Age gracefully. Enjoy the good things. Get through the hard things.

by Anonymousreply 57May 27, 2024 1:54 AM

Has this queen even been back to the thread since he posted that rant? He's probably had a complete mood swing and is out partying.

by Anonymousreply 58May 27, 2024 2:15 AM

Hope he didn’t OD. What a silly reason. I wish all I had to worry about is aging.

by Anonymousreply 59June 2, 2024 5:22 PM

OP, I am a year younger than you. I was never involved in the gay community. I have never been to P Town. I used to club when I was 20-23- I would dance- is what I mean by "club" There was this cool club in Cambridge Ma called Campus.. So that being said, I have avoided gay life for that reason as I have gotten older- Its vicious. So this has actually helped me.

I take care of my skin and my body the best that I can. I really do believe in -no smoking-sunscreen- and at least 7 hours sleep. I vibe more with 30-40 year olds than people older. Most of them are shocked when I tell them I am 44. I think my attitude and interests are more the reason than my looks.. But its still scary because 50 is on the horizon.

What I dig is fashion- not like in a Lipstick and Prada way, but I dig Japanese designers/streetwear stuff and have a pretty good sense of style. I love hoodies too which is going to make me look foolish the older I get, but I don't give a FUCK... I won't be looking like my grandparents as an old fuck. But I don't want to look like a fool.

Truly, I would be cool with dying in my sleep in my late 60's...

I don't even know what I am saying other than I understand. But I am having a good time giving zero fucks about what anyone thinks of me. The world is REALLY hard right now and all we have is ourselves ultimately. To quote Livia Soprano- We all die in our own arms. You don't have to be some old geezer.

"We all DOY in OUR EUWNN AWRMS" (I prefer it with her Philly accent)

by Anonymousreply 60June 2, 2024 6:50 PM
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