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‘Top burnout’ is ruining the marriage of two whores

I am a man in my early 30s married to a man in his mid-50s. We have always been in an open relationship: we met at a sex party. When we met I was always a bottom and he a top. Over time, however, he has become obsessed with bottoming. He never penetrates me, even in a group, and has starting expressing jealousy about the tops that I attract. I feel he is throwing our life away in pursuit of a pipe dream and I long to get back the dominant top that I married – a role he is suited for physically. He has been looking at escort websites, which I find depressingly inevitable. How can I wake him up to reality?

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by Anonymousreply 37May 15, 2024 2:30 PM

The reply:

Top burnout is a fairly common occurrence and it can lead to a shift in a person’s power exchange preferences, usually temporarily. This is less likely to happen when partners switch, exchanging roles from time to time, but clearly that is not for you. It might be wise to relax about this and try to tolerate – even support – his period of exploration. In fact, dominance and submission are not so different; just polarised aspects of the same erotic style. So some tops frequently fantasise about bottoming but are not prepared to practise it – and vice versa. The top usually does most of the work: initiates, arranges the scene, toys and so on, so your husband may want a break from the responsibility. I can understand your disappointment and fear of losing your preferred sexual style, but people and relationships change and evolve over time so it would be best to talk patiently and lovingly with your husband – without reproaching or blaming him – about what he is feeling and the reasons for this change. You need to understand each other. Gently express your sadness about the potential loss you are facing. Then do your best to show that you love and support him.

by Anonymousreply 1May 14, 2024 9:50 PM

Disappointed that Pamela didn’t suggest a double ended dildo or sharing a top

by Anonymousreply 2May 14, 2024 9:59 PM

Mr. Top is probably tired of throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

by Anonymousreply 3May 14, 2024 10:01 PM

A true top never burns out. He’s a latent bottom.

by Anonymousreply 4May 14, 2024 10:02 PM

I saw this some hours ago, it seemed like a parody post, it would certainly bee deemed a EST here in datalounge.

But yes, Top Burnout is a great expression.

by Anonymousreply 5May 14, 2024 10:07 PM

Sexual needs change. If they are open, WHO THE FUCK CARES?????????

by Anonymousreply 6May 14, 2024 10:20 PM

This would be in The Guardian.

by Anonymousreply 7May 14, 2024 10:24 PM

One word apparently makes your entire identity, yet so exhausting.

by Anonymousreply 8May 14, 2024 10:27 PM

They’re whores, Darling.

by Anonymousreply 9May 14, 2024 10:45 PM

And whining bottom whores, Crystal.

by Anonymousreply 10May 14, 2024 10:57 PM

[quote]The top usually does most of the work: initiates, arranges the scene, toys and so on, so your husband may want a break from the responsibility.

I don't necessarily want to get plowed, but I definitely find doing all the work tiresome. I find it a bit stressful to worry about whether the other person is satisfied and having to be responsible for everything from positions to timing of activites.

by Anonymousreply 11May 14, 2024 11:11 PM

I kind of identify with the partner. No, I haven’t become interested in bottoming. I’m a top but sometimes I just don’t feel like fucking, I just want to get sucked and/or suck. Many men have a terrible reaction to that. (“That’s boring. It’s not real sex. Blah blah blah.”) But it seems (I know you’ll think I’m humblebragging but that’s honestly not my intent.) that once they see me hard it can only proceed one way from there regardless of what I want.

by Anonymousreply 12May 14, 2024 11:29 PM

Isn't this the point of being in an open relationship? Let your erstwhile dom get his bottom jollies with someone else so he can find the strength to come home and fuck your tired ass one more day. Or if him tricking with other guys is just too upsetting for you, stop being so lazy and throw him a fuck once in awhile. Watch some porn to get some inspiration, toss back a martini or two, and roleplay for your husband if you have to. Do your damn wifely duty. When tops switch, they usually want the same thing they give, so it's not too hard to know how to take the reigns with them.

by Anonymousreply 13May 15, 2024 12:30 AM

R13, I hate to Oh, dear you but… take the reigns?

by Anonymousreply 14May 15, 2024 12:48 AM

R14 It's okay, I'll take my lashing. I can't even blame that on autocorrect. Gonna go slam back some ginko.

by Anonymousreply 15May 15, 2024 12:53 AM

You'd never find articles like that in the International Herald Tribune, that's for sure.

by Anonymousreply 16May 15, 2024 12:55 AM

Or letters like that to Miss Manners!

by Anonymousreply 17May 15, 2024 12:59 AM

Is the Brick Shithouse troll writing letters to the Guardian now?

by Anonymousreply 18May 15, 2024 1:02 AM

What about me? I just lie there with legs spread and do nothing.

by Anonymousreply 19May 15, 2024 1:06 AM

That’s not how it’s supposed to work, Rose.

by Anonymousreply 20May 15, 2024 1:24 AM

[quote]The top usually does most of the work

So not true. The bottom has to douche every time they have sex, which is a major hassle.

The older guy needs to be realistic about his bottoming prospects. Not many top want to fuck a middle-aged bottom. He apparently has a big dick, which means he can attract hot, younger bottoms. He should count his blessings and stop forcing an unrealistic sexual lifestyle.

by Anonymousreply 21May 15, 2024 1:52 AM

Top Burnout is my new drag name.

by Anonymousreply 22May 15, 2024 2:14 AM

Top BurnouT

by Anonymousreply 23May 15, 2024 2:30 AM

Lesbian Bed Death has competition now - Top Burnout

by Anonymousreply 24May 15, 2024 2:30 AM

America’s Next Top Burnout hosted by Tiresome Banks

by Anonymousreply 25May 15, 2024 2:32 AM

Sex? Meh, why bother?

by Anonymousreply 26May 15, 2024 2:36 AM

[quote]He never penetrates me, even in a group

by Anonymousreply 27May 15, 2024 2:43 AM

Top burnout is real. My bottom is douched and pre lubed when we go to bed, I wake up at 6:30 and he's already had his bowel movement, showered, shaved, cleaned himself out if needed, and he's back in bed begging me to fuck him again, each session is typically 30-45 minutes. This goes on 5-6 days per week, I rarely get a day off.

by Anonymousreply 28May 15, 2024 3:08 AM

Elective procedure…

by Anonymousreply 29May 15, 2024 3:12 AM

I don't think these 2 men are suited to marriage and suspect the attraction to mid 50s daddy is financial as much as sexual.

by Anonymousreply 30May 15, 2024 8:00 AM

At 50+ it might not all work that well downstairs anymore.. lots of eldergays switch to bottoming

by Anonymousreply 31May 15, 2024 8:03 AM

The Seven Year Itch has been replaced by the Seven Inch Itch.

by Anonymousreply 32May 15, 2024 10:45 AM

He's not a Top, he's Topsy-Turvey.

by Anonymousreply 33May 15, 2024 10:55 AM

Please fucking kill me if I’m in my mid fifties and worrying about pathetic shit like this.

by Anonymousreply 34May 15, 2024 1:13 PM

R28 Good Lord. Unless you're paying him, I'd say buy him a big ol dildo and sleep in. Any man that needs to have his ass drilled that much has issues.

by Anonymousreply 35May 15, 2024 1:23 PM

[quote]Please fucking kill me if I’m in my mid fifties and worrying about pathetic shit like this.

It's the bottom who wrote to The Guardian about this, the submissive bottom with the dominant husband who is 25 years older.

by Anonymousreply 36May 15, 2024 2:18 PM

Slip some ED meds in daddy's cheerios and he'll be back to topping in no time.

by Anonymousreply 37May 15, 2024 2:30 PM
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