Let's be the Tonya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan saga

I’m going to Disney World

I’m the bird on Tonya’s mom’s shoulder.

I’m the endless screeching of “WHY?!”

I’m the fact people now realize that Nancy was a huge fucking cunt and Tonya was far more talented, just trashy.

I'm Tonya's inhaler

I’m David Letterman endlessly saying “ Gillooly.“

I'm Nancy's busted kneecap.

I'm nobody Margot Robbie and one day I'll star in a movie about this and become a star!

I'm Nancy's virginal white skating costume.

I'm Nancy appallingly thin lips.

Thanks America! The judges have had enough of this bullshit-now I'm the Gold Medal Queen!

I'm the Nutrasweet ad on the rink during Tonya's triple axel

I’m the short-lived teenage crush I had on Nancy Kerrigan, I am deeply, deeply ashamed to admit.

I'm the ice rink at the Lloyd Center Mall where Tonya practiced at.

I'm Nancy's legally blind mother Brenda who had to watch Nancy's skating through a tv monitor close to my face.

I am skinny tremulous Oksana Baiul practicing Swan Flutter Arms in front of the mirror ….

I'm the inevitable FX mini-series, American Crime Story: Tanya & Nancy

R17 I’m Sarah Paulson playing Tonya’s Mom

I’m a big fan of R14! When I was little and we had to go to my Oregon relatives’ home for Thanksgiving, we often stopped at the Lloyd Center mall and I felt so proud that it was the largest mall in the world at that time.

The PNW was a rather obscure part of the world then. We had Boeing and rain and that was about it.

I'm Tonya's ciggies.

R19 I was very young during the Harding saga (about 3-4 years old) but I remember accompanying my parents to watch Tonya practice at the Clackamas Town Center ice rink. It was a big event for locals at that time I think. Weirdly enough, years later while visiting my family during Christmas (I was in grad school on the east coast at the time), I went and saw “I, Tonya” at the Clackamas Town Center theater which is located next to the food court that used to house that very skating rink.

I’m Tonya’s “street whore meets Barnum & Bailey” skate costumes.

I’m the telescopic baton.

I'm the ton o' bricks Tonya was compared to every time she landed a jump.

I’m Shawn Eckhardt, the biggest boob in a story filled with nothing but boobs.

Boobies boobies boobies!

I’m the Heather Langenkamp TV movie nobody remembers.

I'm Tonya's broken skate lace from the free program .

I'm the salty tears and the accompanying "baby taking a shit" facial expression over the torn laces.

I'm Lu Chen of China rollling my eyes at these bitches!

I'm the media glow-up of Kerrigan as some New England princess despite the fact that I'm closer to a Boston fishwife.

I’m Oksana touching up her makeup. Why, she’s just gonna come out here and cry again!!

I'm Josée Chouinard splatting all over the ice thanks to being forced to go compete sooner than I was ready. Thanks, Tonya!

At least I'll get a ZZ Top music video cameo out of it though.

I'm Michelle Kwan, waiting in the wings.

I'm Elvis Stojko with the gigantic butt and martial arts moves, bro!

[quote] I’m the fact people now realize that Nancy was a huge fucking cunt

We always knew this.

NK: WHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY 😩 TH: 🤡

I am Kurt Browning - wow! I still have my hair!!

I'm a past her prime Katarina Witt.

I’m the hot mic that captured Kerrigan bitching to Mickey Mouse.

I’m Tonya’s makeup gun, set to full blast.

“It’s Been A Long Journey From Milan To Minsk - Rochelle, Rochelle!”

I’m the media. I always side with the pretty girl

I'm the laces on the skates Tonya was unable to tie.

I'm this piece of footage.

WHY? WHY? WHY?

^Nancy's sneer!

Oksana seized that moment, but in retrospect, I can see why Nancy would roll her eyes. All that crying. Too much.

BTW, Oksana ended up with a drinking problem. She got arrested for DUI a while back. Hopefully, things are now under control.

It's hard not to empathize with these eastern European girls, though. They've probably been through a lot.

[quote] I’m the Heather Langenkamp TV movie nobody remembers.

Heather was perfectly cast as Nancy. I was a kid when the Tonya/Nancy saga was going on. I staying over at my aunt's house when that TV movie premiered and watching it with my cousins. Years later, I watched a couple of more times when Lifetime or LMN used to reair broadcast TV movies.

Recently, I was browsing through Freevee and I saw the Oksana Baiul TV movie on there. I had also watched that when I was kid. I watched it again on Freevee, it was pretty campy and there was a scene where Oksana is at a practice session Olympics and Nancy Kerrigan gives her a dirty look.

R48, Oksana had a hard life so I'm sure she was overjoyed to win the gold. She deserved it. Nancy acted classless and acted like the stereotypical "Ugly American".

I'm the 30ish gay Tonya fan who never rooted for an athlete more in my life.

I wish Tonya had skated to Divine's Native Love, it's not like her musical choices weren't fairly close to it anyway...

R52, boy. Tonya Harding skated to the music of JURASSIC PARK and she reminded the entire world of a lumbering Brontasaurus!

I'm the episode of Saturday Night Live that Nancy hosted.

I'm Nancy's coach and we're fucking behind my wife's back

I think I read it here. Oksana once took a 40oz of vodka and layed down on the nearest railroad tracks.

Damn, Nancy looks like a dude in the clip backstage at R45

I'm Nancy's brother, Mark. I end up killing our father.

I'm the flat translucent plane of white ice on which the contestants skate.

I watch Nancy's routine, I watch Tanya's. The drama makes my ice shimmer.

I can look up under their skirts as they skate and see their panties

I'm Kristi Yamacuchi who could have prevented all of this if I hadn't selfishly decided not to stick it out two more years and go to another Olympics... and if I had, I would have easily won another Gold.

I'm Oksana's stretched out sex trafficked pussy.

I'm Midori Ito who is still competing 32 years later!

I'm Dorothy Hamill. Still better than all these bitches.

The Ice Capades would beg to differ, Dorothy.

I’m Scott Hamilton being a bitch in the commentator’s booth.

I’m Nancy’s chicken noodle soup commercial.

Nancy has resting butch face.

R65 “Okay Nancy, smile while tasting the soup.”

“Ugh, this is the corniest soup I’ve ever tasted!!!”

R61, is Midori still throwing triple axels?

I’m Linda Fratianne and I STILL can’t look at my silver medal from the 1980 Olympics

Im the screen the legally blind Mrs Kerrigan uses to watch her princess skate

[quote]I’m Nancy’s chicken noodle soup commercial that she stole from Kristi Yamaguchi.

Fixed that for you.

I'm the Neil Diamond medley that Nancy skated to that was somehow considered more sophisticated and elegant than the Jurassic Park soundtrack.

I'm figure skating the closest thing that sports has to dinner theater.

I’m midori ito and I also could’ve prevented this from happening if I won the gold in 92 like I was expected to.

I'm Tonya's low-cut skating costume, revealing that she is flatter than any of her competitors, including the males.

I'm sorry, OP, I'm still processing this whole Amy Fisher thing. I'll get to Tonya Harding later.

[quote]I’m midori ito and I also could’ve prevented this from happening if I won the gold in 92 like I was expected to.

It's sweet you think Midori was ever going to win in 1992... not on our watch.

I'm Jill Trenary, I was actually the real pretty one, too bad I hurt my ankle and couldn't compete in '92.

Kristi Yamaguchi got married to a hockey player (Stanley Cup winner) that she met at the Olympics. They've been married for 20+ years.

I think she and Nancy Kerrigan are friends.

Now I want to know if Nancy was really sleeping with her coach

Jill Trenary was always billed as this beuatiful, elegant, graceful, ARTISTIC gymnast and yet if you look back at the shit she was doing you're literally wondering what the fuck people were smoking when they watched her.

And broken ankle or not, she was never going to make it to Albertville. She didn't have the technical ability to beat out any of the Americans for a spot.

*skater obviously, not gymnast.

I think Peggy Fleming had a soft spot for Trenary because Carlo Fassi was her coach. Jill’s goose was cooked after school figures were eliminated.

Her world title was a huge gift as Midori Itos figures were too far down to pull her up to victory which was a shame because her short and long programs were better than the year before when she won the world title.

I had a teenage crush on Peter Carruthers and I'm sure some DLers have had him.

Who's had Timothy Goebel's ass?