Were you close with your cousins growing up? Are you close with them now?

Yes then. Now, no.

Yes I was very close with many of my maternal cousins from several of my mother's siblings children. She had 9 other siblings. My younger sister and I were similar ages to many of our cousins and used to stay with them for weeks in the school holidays and go away with them and spend Xmas with the cousins. They were our large extended family.

Then my mother's siblings all had a family reckoning and bad falling out about incest inflicted by 3 of the older brothers on the 2 youngest girls and youngest boy (my mother was one) in their seriously dysfunctional family when they were growing up. This happened when I was about 10 and my sister 7. Because of this falling out, my mother's family all split into groups and we were forbidden to see or speak to our cousins again and I have only seen one of them (one cousin) since when I was in my mid-30s and then only just once for dinner. It left a gaping hole in our childhoods and left both my sister and I with issues into our adulthoods. I often wonder what our lives would have been like had we continued having our extended family before the big falling out.

Not really. Not at all. They never call me, so I don't go out of my way to call them.

We're a weddings and funerals family. Never see them otherwise.

I've never been close to any of my American cousins. I haven't seen any of them in 25 years or more. I am quite close with my cousin from Holland who has lived in St. Maarten for decades, and I was especially close to his brother who also lived in St. Maarten, until we lost him several years ago to a massive stroke.

We went to the same church as my father’s older brother so I saw them every week and holidays.

I liked my cousin from my father’s younger brother. He was a year younger than me. We played together when were little but grew apart as teenagers. I regret that. He has no social media presence so I don’t know how to get in touch.

We lived away from my mother’s family so we only saw those cousins once or twice a year.

I have 32 1st cousins. Exceptionally close to 1, who recently passed away. Sweetly 2 others have made it clear they’d like to be closer. There are some that are super MAGA. But the upside is I already knew they were horrible and was keeping far, far away.

Growing up, fairly close to one of them, who was practically a neighbor and babysat us during the summer. Most lived far away or were much older, so only met them on rare occasions, if ever. There was another cousin who was my age, who I didn't see often, but we got along great whenever we did. She was from the east coast, moved to NY and was very into the underground scene in the 90s. I was jealous. She died of an OD when we were 22.

My other favorite cousin died of cancer a few years back. I don't have any contact with the rest.

Yes growing up, no now. Fourteen first cousins on mom's side, one on dad's.

It's weird to see this post because last night I had a dream about them. I am the one that didn't maintain a relationship with any of them and in the dream they were rejecting ME because I didn't join the party downstairs until it was very late. But in real life the family gatherings were loud and nerve wracking even though they were basically good people. I just couldn't be bothered as an adult.

Maternal: Close when young, not when older and now.

Paternal: Less when young, but closer now when we speak.

Very different groups, with my mother's family being German, a clan, with what I'd say is a more conventional, less creative and less intelligent approach to life. My father's family members are smart, independent, sometimes dangerous, and carry a very long American history. My paternal cousins are interested in how I really am doing. My maternal cousins can't connect on that level.

I don’t have a cousins on my mom’s side.

I’m not close with the cousins on my dad’s side because they’re a bunch of snobs who look down on me because I’m not fully white.

So you are Italian?

7 cousins on my mother's side.

10 on my father's.

And then there were 2 second cousins (kids of my dad's cousin) who lived close by.

There's an age spread of about 30 years from my dad's side to my little brother who's the youngest on both sides. I had a lot of exposure to both but it was mostly because we had a summer cottage. Everyone had to visit. In later years I became much closer to my older cousins online than I ever was as a kid. We reconnected at funerals. Also, early on, became closer to older cousins' kids who were closer to my age. Still closest to one of them. People say we look alike. We're also both gay and we almost... but never.

Yes, until the all moved to Texas.

Now they’re all obnoxious MAGAs so I have nothing to do with them.

Yes we were all very close when we were younger, only a couple of towns apart, so we'd all pile in the beach wagon and drive to Cape Cod on summer weekends. Now that we are all old, we still sometimes meet down here, and at weddings and funerals, but it's like we are still little kids when we see each other.

My maternal cousins all lived elsewhere, so I've never really been that close with them. My paternal cousins all live in the same town and feel like extra siblings.

Growing up - yes, very close … same age, their parents & my parents were best friends. We took many trips together.

And now?

Not close at all because my mother bitterly argued with my aunt about how the farm my grandparents owned was divided.

Like Cyndi Lauper says - money changes everything.

I only had two first cousins, and we weren't close, as in, confiding in each other, but we did spend most holidays and some vacations together growing up. Both of them struggled with mental illness and kind of dropped out of sight as the years went on. The older one was a guy around my age, who despite his issues had a lot going for him. He was very attractive and a successful real estate broker. When we were young adults, we were living in the same city and met for a drink now and then. Once our mothers died (they were sisters who were very close) I tried to keep in touch, but he made it clear (politely) that he wasn't interested.

I've kept track of them online over the years, and both he and my other cousin, his younger sister, have very bleak lives now. The realtor struggled with substance abuse issues over the years. His condo went into foreclosure and he lives in a halfway house for for men who are seniors or disabled or both. The younger sister was scammed out of her modest inheritance by some guy, and she is unemployed and living in some hell hole of a shack in Texas.

I do think of them late at night sometimes. In old pictures, we'd all be dressed to the nines on holidays, and my aunt and uncle gave my cousins such a nice life, and great educations. I feel sad about how things ended up for them.