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Are you finding life in your 30's harder than your 20's?


by Anonymousreply 49February 12, 2024 4:24 PM

Actually, just the opposite. My 30s haven't been easy but they have been much better than my 20s, which I hated. I joke around that I will never have a midlife crisis because I hated the time period from adolescence through my mid-twenties. It's been mostly uphill since then, even if some big things in my life have gotten harder. I have a much better job, better friends, more security, better body, etc. than I did in my twenties. But that's largely a result of not appropriately treating my my depression and anxiety until I was 28 or so.

by Anonymousreply 1February 12, 2024 1:43 PM

Wait until you hit your 50s and beyond. You ain't seen nothing yet. Enjoy your 30s, I sure did!

by Anonymousreply 2February 12, 2024 1:44 PM

i appreciate you posting with your authenticated name.

Yes, life gets harder as you get older.

Period. You realize shit is real and your body aches.

Welcome to life 2.0

by Anonymousreply 3February 12, 2024 1:45 PM

My 30's were hard, but increasingly gratifying as I got further into them. Your priorities change as you sense the gain of seniority (and hopefully income) and then start to feel your body change after 35. I ended my 30's realizing how much my 20's felt like "playing house". Shit got real, as I started realizing I have far limited time to take on long term pursuits with youthful energy.

by Anonymousreply 4February 12, 2024 1:47 PM


by Anonymousreply 5February 12, 2024 1:48 PM


by Anonymousreply 6February 12, 2024 1:50 PM

I hated my twenties but I came into my own in my thirties, becoming more confident about myself and my abilities and learning to say no to demanding people. If I could choose to relive a decade of my life, it would be my thirties.

by Anonymousreply 7February 12, 2024 1:53 PM


by Anonymousreply 8February 12, 2024 1:54 PM

OP, live life.

I wasted time at your age working like a dog. travel if you can.

by Anonymousreply 9February 12, 2024 1:55 PM


by Anonymousreply 10February 12, 2024 1:56 PM

OP, don't discount your 40's. It's the best time I've ever had.

by Anonymousreply 11February 12, 2024 1:57 PM


by Anonymousreply 12February 12, 2024 1:59 PM

true, i too slutted it up in my 40s r11

by Anonymousreply 13February 12, 2024 1:59 PM


by Anonymousreply 14February 12, 2024 2:01 PM

Mixed. In some ways my 30’s were better. I developed greater confidence and self-esteem. I felt more comfortable in my own skin and began caring less what others thought and trying to live up to the expectations of others and society or whatever. I became more unapologetically “me”. I think that’s one of the great things about getting older.

Then I hit 40, had a short little meltdown about getting “old”…and a month later was diagnosed with incurable cancer. I’ve been fighting it ever since, and sadly running out of treatment options. That was four years ago. Each birthday I reach, I now celebrate because it’s a man achievement even to be alive.

The only alternative to getting older is…well, dying. That’s not a preferable option really. Age does have its challenges and health can become an issue. But, make the most of what you’ve OP and embrace life. Be kind to yourself and maximise all the things you have to be grateful for. So much of life comes down to our perspective and the way we approach it. Live as well as you can and fill each day with little joys.

by Anonymousreply 15February 12, 2024 2:02 PM


by Anonymousreply 16February 12, 2024 2:03 PM

^ a “man achievement “? Fuck you autocorrect , I think that was meant to say “great achievement”. I like achieving men too, though!

by Anonymousreply 17February 12, 2024 2:04 PM

I loved my thirties. But I took care of myself and had my shit together. Bad habits accrue then, if you haven't reversed them, and age you fast. Not just physical but career and relationship- wise too. Sort it all out before the forties so life smooths out, because nearly everyone has health and family trouble in the 50s. I am 62, kiddo, and I have seen a barrel of pickles in my day. It can be better but you gotta work on it.

by Anonymousreply 18February 12, 2024 2:05 PM

My 20s were a train wreck. I always joke that I didn't even pull my head out of my ass and look around until I hit my 30s.

I worked like a dog in my 30s, but many of those years were the best years of my life.

by Anonymousreply 19February 12, 2024 2:06 PM

R5, I appreciate the kind words! I think life can definitely get better in your 30s and 40s, maybe even 50s too. There are loads of gay men on reddit who have said that their sex lives ramped up in their 40s (despite the stereotype that gay men have an expiration age of ~ 28). So yes, you may feel more aches, pains and family hardships as you get older, but it doesn't mean you cannot find love or fun either.

by Anonymousreply 20February 12, 2024 2:06 PM

I haven't found my 30s for almost twenty years now.

by Anonymousreply 21February 12, 2024 2:07 PM


by Anonymousreply 22February 12, 2024 2:11 PM

DGL, I wish you well. Also, i'd like to visit you...I think you're in Australia, correct?

by Anonymousreply 23February 12, 2024 2:16 PM


by Anonymousreply 24February 12, 2024 2:17 PM

If someone wants to enjoy their 30s make education, developing a career, showing up every day and working hard, starting to save, the priority should be preparing not a life of sex drugs PnP and rock and roll being the priority of your 20s

. Or you fall behind don’t prepare and complain about your bad luck.

It’s an approach that works a lot more often than not

by Anonymousreply 25February 12, 2024 2:27 PM


by Anonymousreply 26February 12, 2024 2:29 PM

R25's advice is EXTREMELY sound.

by Anonymousreply 27February 12, 2024 2:35 PM

i think it can be different for every person depending on life circumstances, obviously.

My 20s were miserable. I came into my own in my 30s, and loved that decade and my 40s. Those 20 years will always be remembered as the best.

50s and 60s were okay. Sort of. For some people health concerns take over. I recently turned 70 - I don't FEEL 70 - the idea of BEING 70 is frightening - and I don't look what we used to see and think of as 70, but I'm definitely old. It gets harder and scarier at this age. I'm lucky that I've got a secure life, or I'd consider taking an off-ramp.

The future looks grim. I'm glad I'm an eldergay. You youngins have a tougher road ahead than I did. I wish you luck.

by Anonymousreply 28February 12, 2024 2:36 PM


by Anonymousreply 29February 12, 2024 2:37 PM

I'm at the end of my 50s.

I hated my 20s. Drama! Angst! Chaos!

My 30s were the best years of my life, and the first half of my 40s weren't bad either.

Hit a wall at 50 and it's been rapidly downhill ever since.

But the 30s were definitely the peak... still healthy, finally out of debt, making enough money to be able to travel, deepened friendships (before they all went away in my 50s)... and a massive reduction in "drama". Good food, good fun, good friends, good travels, good health... man, I miss my 30s.

by Anonymousreply 30February 12, 2024 2:38 PM

Want to call out how lucky we are to be alive to talk about these things. That wasn't a luxury we always had, and we've not been talking to each other as gay men about how to approach life stages as a result. Such a positive change.

by Anonymousreply 31February 12, 2024 2:39 PM

R26, my best sex life was in my 30s. BY FAR. Thirty wasn't the end of great sex, it was the beginning of it.

However, that all ended when I hit 40. I only had a decade or so of a great sex life. But hey, it was great, so there's that!

by Anonymousreply 32February 12, 2024 2:41 PM


by Anonymousreply 33February 12, 2024 2:47 PM


by Anonymousreply 34February 12, 2024 2:48 PM


by Anonymousreply 35February 12, 2024 2:52 PM

R35, yeah, but when I hit 40 I hit a wall. I haven't had sex in ages now, as I push 60. I will likely never have sex with another person again... jerking off daily is the extent of my sex life now and forever more. I do very much miss my 30s.

by Anonymousreply 36February 12, 2024 3:04 PM

Darkgemini my 30s are so much greater than my 20s.

by Anonymousreply 37February 12, 2024 3:04 PM


by Anonymousreply 38February 12, 2024 3:09 PM


by Anonymousreply 39February 12, 2024 3:09 PM


by Anonymousreply 40February 12, 2024 3:10 PM

On the one hand, confidence grows as you age, and generally, you have a better sense of yourself and of others. And THAT part gets better as you hit 40, 50, etc.

But the combo of loss of friends/family and health issues as one ages can be a bitch.

If you're lucky, those two things balance out and you can age in relative contentedness. If not, it can be a rough road.

by Anonymousreply 41February 12, 2024 3:12 PM


by Anonymousreply 42February 12, 2024 3:16 PM

[quote] Which of course, isn't always a negative to lose some things, because it makes room for newer or better things in your life.

True, some losses are a way to point you to other paths, and sometimes it's good to let go of old friends. But some losses - parents, etc. are just sad. And debilitating health issues can fuck with every aspect of one's life.

by Anonymousreply 43February 12, 2024 3:19 PM

R41 is right about loss. Losing the WW2 generation was (and is) surprisingly hard for me and has had a profound effect on me. You'll have your equivalent.

by Anonymousreply 44February 12, 2024 3:20 PM

My equivalent was losing a bunch of friends and acquaintances to AIDS in my 20s. That fucking sucked.

by Anonymousreply 45February 12, 2024 3:24 PM

As I recall- they were easier.

by Anonymousreply 46February 12, 2024 3:30 PM

R26,it really is ageism at its worst. And it's not true. I know loads of hot gay men in their 40s and 50s. Some even in their early 60s! Honestly, a part of me does not get the obsession with men in their 20s because I think older bodies are much hotter. And that's without discussing the personalities (or lack thereof) of men in their 20s.

by Anonymousreply 47February 12, 2024 3:51 PM

Also forgot to mention, I feel like most people in their twenties--gay men included--tend to have middle-of-the-road taste in everything. For instance, as far as music goes, the average 25 year old gay man probably worships the likes of Taylor Swift but knows nothing beyond what's popular on tik tok or spotify.

by Anonymousreply 48February 12, 2024 3:59 PM

As a 50-year-old, I think the 30s are the best decade. When you're in your 20s, you make stupid mistakes and pay for them. You're surrounded by stupid 20-somethings, too. When you're in your 30s, you still have your youth, AND you make smart choices and are rewarded for that. Plus, your peers are no longer idiots, either. Remember when you were in your early 20s and thought "whoa, I'm really getting up there?" and now you realize that was silly? The same thing is going on now!

You just have to be a little more careful and attentive to what's going on in your body. Lots of people in their 30s balloon in weight because they keep eating like they're in their 20s but no longer have a twenty-something body that can handle it. If you find that your hair is thinning, don't kick the can down the road. Make a decision right away if you are going to accept it or if you want to do something about it. No cigarettes, and plenty of sunscreen.

by Anonymousreply 49February 12, 2024 4:24 PM
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