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1.Make the bed 2.Set the table 3.Use your best things. 4.Flowers. 5.Candles

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by Anonymousreply 64February 15, 2024 7:12 AM

He looks like a somewhat overweight Spanish woman now. He would be very cute if he lost about 20 lbs.

by Anonymousreply 1February 11, 2024 6:10 PM


by Anonymousreply 2February 11, 2024 6:10 PM

Her Ladyship's "best thing"

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by Anonymousreply 3February 11, 2024 6:12 PM

Bitch stole my act.

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by Anonymousreply 4February 11, 2024 6:15 PM

6. Have a rose petal placed strategically over your hole when your Grindr trick walks through the door.

by Anonymousreply 5February 11, 2024 6:15 PM

She spends the the first half of the vid hawking romantic Oil of Olay.

by Anonymousreply 6February 11, 2024 6:16 PM

Gosh R4, that is TERRIFYING. More than a writer of boring, trite and entirely predictable romance novels, she looked like something out of Suspiria. What a grotesque old witch!

by Anonymousreply 7February 11, 2024 6:19 PM

Make the bed? Whore!

by Anonymousreply 8February 11, 2024 6:21 PM

Romanticize actually means "make something seem more attractive or interesting than it really is."

e.g., "romanticizing the past."

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by Anonymousreply 9February 11, 2024 6:22 PM

Lovely Romantic Candlelight

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by Anonymousreply 10February 11, 2024 6:24 PM

Charming Flowers to set the mood.

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by Anonymousreply 11February 11, 2024 6:27 PM

7. Set up a "lube flight", water, silicon, etc. Use some lovely matching containers.

by Anonymousreply 12February 11, 2024 6:30 PM

8. Trim pubic hair into a heart shape.

by Anonymousreply 13February 11, 2024 6:32 PM

9. Make a sexy, sensuous bouquet of vibrant flowers using shades of oyster, ecru, eggshell and ivory.

by Anonymousreply 14February 11, 2024 6:35 PM


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by Anonymousreply 15February 11, 2024 6:37 PM

I find Lady Nicholas to be rather inoffensive in his pretentiousness, but I'm LOVING the bitchiness on this thread. This is DL at its best! 🤣🤣🤣

by Anonymousreply 16February 11, 2024 6:38 PM

10. Adhere heart-shaped candies to your nipples with edible adhesive.

by Anonymousreply 17February 11, 2024 6:48 PM

Let’s not forget that Valentine’s Day is also Ash Wednesday this year.

Conversation hearts are always in style, but this year, one can kill two birds with one stone.

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by Anonymousreply 18February 11, 2024 6:55 PM
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by Anonymousreply 19February 11, 2024 6:58 PM

R11 Nickie's "vase" looks like it could hold two dozen roses.

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by Anonymousreply 20February 11, 2024 7:02 PM

Most of this thread is one deranged and obsessed Nicholas Fairfield troll posting over and over and over again.

by Anonymousreply 21February 11, 2024 7:08 PM

R21 And what's wrong with that? Huh?

by Anonymousreply 22February 11, 2024 7:09 PM

It’s ‘Nicolas’

by Anonymousreply 23February 11, 2024 7:12 PM

Is she transitioning? The boobs are popping out of that sweater.

by Anonymousreply 24February 11, 2024 7:12 PM

What revolutionary advice dear Nicholas! I don’t know how I lived before you came into my life with your wise words.

by Anonymousreply 25February 11, 2024 7:19 PM
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by Anonymousreply 26February 11, 2024 7:21 PM

There are a lot worse trolls than Nicholas Fairford's troll. You Track Everyone's Post Frau troll R21

by Anonymousreply 27February 11, 2024 7:50 PM

^ R21

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by Anonymousreply 28February 11, 2024 7:59 PM

R23 Her real name is Nicoass Burden

by Anonymousreply 29February 11, 2024 8:02 PM

Wire Hangers are not romantic !!!

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by Anonymousreply 30February 11, 2024 8:15 PM

After dinner, when moving into the bedroom for relations with one’s trick, Nicholas quickly throws a painters drop sheet over the bed to protect the sheets.

She and her trick then lay down back to back and viciously fap as each takes a turn at dirty talk. Nicholas gets turned on by words like “moisturize”, “Edwardian architecture”, “upholstery” and reaches climax when she hears “Fortnum & Mason”.

Then she collects the drop sheet and places it in the bin to be disposed of later. The trick makes them both a cup of Russian Caravan tea, and they sit in the drawing room basking in the glow of a wild, passionate night (never to be spoken of out loud).

by Anonymousreply 31February 11, 2024 8:27 PM

R30 “My housekeeper, Miss Jenkins, said this floor was clean. But it is clearly not clean. So now I am going to show you how to properly clean this floor. You and me together.”

by Anonymousreply 32February 11, 2024 8:30 PM

Fillers are romantic.

by Anonymousreply 33February 11, 2024 8:31 PM

Oh my God, R31 - that was BRUTAL! You get today's award for Best Murder by Bitch-slapping on DL. 🤣🤣🤣

by Anonymousreply 34February 11, 2024 9:18 PM

Thank you.

by Anonymousreply 35February 11, 2024 9:23 PM

Thank you R34. I graciously accept the award for my post at R31. I do so love delivering a murder by bitch slapping and feel seen and acknowledged.

by Anonymousreply 36February 11, 2024 11:05 PM

11. Select a miniature bottle from your collection. For Valentine's Day I'm using an antique French enameled porcelain and glass perfume bottle.

by Anonymousreply 37February 12, 2024 5:00 AM

12. Rinse with distilled water. Set it upon a a sunny windowsill for a few hours.

by Anonymousreply 38February 12, 2024 5:00 AM

13. Decant your amyl nitrite into it when it is absolutely bone dry.

by Anonymousreply 39February 12, 2024 5:01 AM

"She and her trick then lay down back to back and viciously fap as each..."

Nonsense. Nicki would never touch that... that THING between their legs. Besides, a lady never presents hole until engaged; only frottage.

by Anonymousreply 40February 12, 2024 9:40 AM

14. Pre-lube your bussy.

by Anonymousreply 41February 12, 2024 10:31 AM

Miss Fairford regrets she's unable to lunch today.

by Anonymousreply 42February 12, 2024 10:43 AM

Married DILFS on the downlow do NOT want romance, flowers and candles from their homosexual partners. Better stock up on weed, whiskey, poppers and sex toys. Clean out your sigmoid colon because shit smell lingers even on well-washed cock.

by Anonymousreply 43February 12, 2024 10:52 AM

<- Word...

by Anonymousreply 44February 12, 2024 11:37 AM


U bishes r terrible!

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by Anonymousreply 45February 12, 2024 12:32 PM

Wow, I've been doing it all wrong...bologna sandwiches on paper plates under a flickering fluorescent bug lamp. Flowers, you say?

by Anonymousreply 46February 12, 2024 12:38 PM

M'Lady is not receiving (under 8 inches) today.

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by Anonymousreply 47February 12, 2024 2:16 PM

There’s a tortured sadness behind those eyes: he’s flailing about with this schtick, and he knows it.

by Anonymousreply 48February 12, 2024 2:23 PM

He's lonely. He runs so he won't notice.

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by Anonymousreply 49February 12, 2024 2:43 PM

She has child-bearing hips.

by Anonymousreply 50February 12, 2024 4:14 PM

[quote] 1.Make the bed 2.Set the table 3.Use your best things. 4.Flowers. 5.Candles

I'm not sure the world is ready for such groundbreaking advice. Truly, Nicholas is ahead of his time.

by Anonymousreply 51February 12, 2024 4:23 PM

M'lady is TIMELESS.

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by Anonymousreply 52February 12, 2024 4:45 PM

White pencils!

by Anonymousreply 53February 12, 2024 4:47 PM

For dialing!

by Anonymousreply 54February 12, 2024 5:47 PM

For a second I thought they were white straws for spilling.

by Anonymousreply 55February 12, 2024 7:16 PM

Pencils because she's always moving appointments around with her busy schedule, and changing her wishy-washy mind constantly. The only thing in ink is her boyfriends' tattoos.

by Anonymousreply 56February 12, 2024 8:00 PM

And they have his name on them in gold. You know it's a serif font.

by Anonymousreply 57February 12, 2024 8:52 PM

Maybe some Mantovani on the hi-fi?

by Anonymousreply 58February 12, 2024 11:30 PM

R55 With that chunky bum they certainly weren't for snorting.

by Anonymousreply 59February 12, 2024 11:46 PM

I should think the pencils best be Oyster White or Bavarian Cream to blend into his decor.

by Anonymousreply 60February 13, 2024 12:02 AM

…with a “tan scrotum” for the accent pieces.

by Anonymousreply 61February 13, 2024 12:41 AM

R29, cut him some slack.

He just doesn't want to be a Burden to others.

by Anonymousreply 62February 14, 2024 7:36 PM

I like to collect things. There's nothing I like better than shopping for knick knacks.

by Anonymousreply 63February 15, 2024 5:37 AM

R63 “a couch? For two thousand quid. Eddie, what will everyone think?”

by Anonymousreply 64February 15, 2024 7:12 AM
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