LADY NICHOLAS FAIRFORD TIPS ON CREATING A ROMANTIC VALENTINES DAY!

He looks like a somewhat overweight Spanish woman now. He would be very cute if he lost about 20 lbs.

MARY!

Her Ladyship's "best thing"

Bitch stole my act.

6. Have a rose petal placed strategically over your hole when your Grindr trick walks through the door.

She spends the the first half of the vid hawking romantic Oil of Olay.

Gosh R4, that is TERRIFYING. More than a writer of boring, trite and entirely predictable romance novels, she looked like something out of Suspiria. What a grotesque old witch!

Make the bed? Whore!

Romanticize actually means "make something seem more attractive or interesting than it really is."

e.g., "romanticizing the past."

Lovely Romantic Candlelight

Charming Flowers to set the mood.

7. Set up a "lube flight", water, silicon, etc. Use some lovely matching containers.

8. Trim pubic hair into a heart shape.

9. Make a sexy, sensuous bouquet of vibrant flowers using shades of oyster, ecru, eggshell and ivory.

LEAVE NICHOLAS ALONE !!!

I find Lady Nicholas to be rather inoffensive in his pretentiousness, but I'm LOVING the bitchiness on this thread. This is DL at its best! 🤣🤣🤣

10. Adhere heart-shaped candies to your nipples with edible adhesive.

Let’s not forget that Valentine’s Day is also Ash Wednesday this year.

Conversation hearts are always in style, but this year, one can kill two birds with one stone.

R11 Nickie's "vase" looks like it could hold two dozen roses.

Most of this thread is one deranged and obsessed Nicholas Fairfield troll posting over and over and over again.

R21 And what's wrong with that? Huh?

It’s ‘Nicolas’

Is she transitioning? The boobs are popping out of that sweater.

What revolutionary advice dear Nicholas! I don’t know how I lived before you came into my life with your wise words.

There are a lot worse trolls than Nicholas Fairford's troll. You Track Everyone's Post Frau troll R21

^ R21

R23 Her real name is Nicoass Burden

Wire Hangers are not romantic !!!

After dinner, when moving into the bedroom for relations with one’s trick, Nicholas quickly throws a painters drop sheet over the bed to protect the sheets.

She and her trick then lay down back to back and viciously fap as each takes a turn at dirty talk. Nicholas gets turned on by words like “moisturize”, “Edwardian architecture”, “upholstery” and reaches climax when she hears “Fortnum & Mason”.

Then she collects the drop sheet and places it in the bin to be disposed of later. The trick makes them both a cup of Russian Caravan tea, and they sit in the drawing room basking in the glow of a wild, passionate night (never to be spoken of out loud).

R30 “My housekeeper, Miss Jenkins, said this floor was clean. But it is clearly not clean. So now I am going to show you how to properly clean this floor. You and me together.”

Fillers are romantic.

Oh my God, R31 - that was BRUTAL! You get today's award for Best Murder by Bitch-slapping on DL. 🤣🤣🤣

Thank you.

Thank you R34. I graciously accept the award for my post at R31. I do so love delivering a murder by bitch slapping and feel seen and acknowledged.

11. Select a miniature bottle from your collection. For Valentine's Day I'm using an antique French enameled porcelain and glass perfume bottle.

12. Rinse with distilled water. Set it upon a a sunny windowsill for a few hours.

13. Decant your amyl nitrite into it when it is absolutely bone dry.

"She and her trick then lay down back to back and viciously fap as each..."

Nonsense. Nicki would never touch that... that THING between their legs. Besides, a lady never presents hole until engaged; only frottage.

14. Pre-lube your bussy.

Miss Fairford regrets she's unable to lunch today.

Married DILFS on the downlow do NOT want romance, flowers and candles from their homosexual partners. Better stock up on weed, whiskey, poppers and sex toys. Clean out your sigmoid colon because shit smell lingers even on well-washed cock.

<- Word...

LOL

U bishes r terrible!

Wow, I've been doing it all wrong...bologna sandwiches on paper plates under a flickering fluorescent bug lamp. Flowers, you say?

M'Lady is not receiving (under 8 inches) today.

There’s a tortured sadness behind those eyes: he’s flailing about with this schtick, and he knows it.

He's lonely. He runs so he won't notice.

She has child-bearing hips.

[quote] 1.Make the bed 2.Set the table 3.Use your best things. 4.Flowers. 5.Candles

I'm not sure the world is ready for such groundbreaking advice. Truly, Nicholas is ahead of his time.

M'lady is TIMELESS.

White pencils!

For dialing!

For a second I thought they were white straws for spilling.

Pencils because she's always moving appointments around with her busy schedule, and changing her wishy-washy mind constantly. The only thing in ink is her boyfriends' tattoos.

And they have his name on them in gold. You know it's a serif font.

Maybe some Mantovani on the hi-fi?

R55 With that chunky bum they certainly weren't for snorting.

I should think the pencils best be Oyster White or Bavarian Cream to blend into his decor.

…with a “tan scrotum” for the accent pieces.

R29, cut him some slack.

He just doesn't want to be a Burden to others.

I like to collect things. There's nothing I like better than shopping for knick knacks.

R63 “a couch? For two thousand quid. Eddie, what will everyone think?”