Let's Be.....an Eldergay's Last Will and Testament

Alejandro won't appreciate it but your best gal pal will unless they're all black.

I'm the requisite use of the phrase '"..reasons which are well-known to them.".

I am the stipulation that the body, the cat’s ashes, and the signed portrait of Quentin Crisp shall be incinerated at the hottest possible temperature known to mortuary science while all the deceased’s side pieces gather to dab the tears from their eyes and exclaim that no one has ever flamed better.

I also include the note that, if possible, someone should drape themselves over the coffin and scream inconsolably just prior to the testimonials which should stray as far as possible from the facts.

Lastly, if the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence are free that weekend, I am the deceased’s express wish that they serve wafers and hear confessions at the wake.

I'm the credit card debt.

I'm the charitable donation to........*pause*.....the Republican Party.

I am the forgotten notary stamp, leading to everything going to the nearest blood relative, 3rd cousin Dee Plorable.

I'll cut right to the chase, OP. You *aren't* in the will.

I'm the hopeful niece who called weekly, hoping she'd get some dough.

I'm the niece's disappointment when she's bequeathed Uncle Adam's entire collection of Photoplay.

Fifty plus years of mylar wrapped magazines. Who the fuck is Claudette Colbert? The Goodwill might take these?

I'm the instructions for the "naughty box".

I'm the caftan codicil.

I'm the lifetime of personal correspondence with Faith Prince.

My extended family has discussed "who" gets my money when I die, since I have no immediate relatives.

So when I die, I want all my relatives to have to gather at an inconvenient location and tell them all off while announcing that none of them get anything, and have a coffin full of fire lit of fire before them.

I'm the Latino houseboy who inherits EVERYTHING. I'll never have to plow another elder gay flabby white ass in my life. I'm gonna buy a house with a pool and then a car.