DL Cat behaviorist, HELP!

I have three juvenile kitties, littermates. They're about 5-6 months old, outside-only. The problem I have is they bumrush anyone who opens an outside door. They are the cutest guys ever, but my Dad is 96 and tottery (and blind), my sister who often visits from out of state also has vision issues, and my eldest sister (who lives in the home with Dad and me, and is the "breadwinner," as I'm Dad's 24/7/365 caregiver) is a mercurial cunt.

The kitties are endlessly curious, playful, and energetic. But they looooovvve inside. They've learned the best food is inside (outside guys get wet food only in the evenings, whereas the 2 inside guys have access to wet all day/night), the best nooks, crannies, and climb-y things are inside, the warmest spots are inside. And to my inside bitch queen cat's unending fury, the kittens located and trained themselves to the two indoor litter boxes.

I think they're great little fellows, but my job is to create and maintain peace and harmony; and the three little kittens have not endeared themselves to my sisters. Dad's in hospital now, I'm with him, and mercurial sister is at home. Cats bumrushed her earlier this evening, and she called me, so full of rage she didn't even pause her tirade when I told her our cousin Butch was sitting beside me, visiting with my Dad.

I don't have the energy to fight her, and she won't accept the fact that training animals takes patience and time. I've trained them not to potty in the flower beds; they take their business to the vacant lots next door. They've learned not to hop into the open car when I'm offloading groceries. Etc., etc., etc.

But the rushing the door thing, then refusing to leave when fussed at, I need help with. I would love to be honest with her and tell her cats will do the very thing they know you hate (and yes, they know what you hate), but somehow I don't think she'd see the truth (and humor) in that. Explaining I'm actually working with them on the issue isn't working. And I'm allergic to rampaging Furies.

Ideas? I'm feeling a bit beat up this evening.🤕

Domestic cats belong inside. Letting them roam outside is irresponsible and does great damage to the native fauna.

I fucking hate cat owners who do that, no offence. You have a cute bunch, but please keep them inside.

Simple. Let the cats inside, send your sister outside.

I grew up with a thousand cats and they always lived outside. Of course I live in SoCal so it never gets below freezing. But it's natural for a cat to live outside and feel the dirt beneath its feet. These fools who lock their pets indoors are the ones abusing their animals.

It might be too cold for them outside. Can you build or buy a cat house or tree and put a heating pad in it, or maybe build some kind of fort with nooks and crannies and blankets or hay? If it snows hay won't freeze but blankets will.

Bless you Op and I hope you're given the time to sort this out. Your post qualifies as the Ultimate Doll Face thread!

Thanks for worrying about their little cold noses, R5, but that one I've got licked. 4-5 years ago, after 40 years in the colony game I grew tired of fretting obsessively during prolonged cold snaps. So I spent hours measuring out and rigging up a double-row of heavy-duty C-screws along the entire front porch, then attaching two 19.6-mil tarps, one just above the other, securing the double-runs with EXTREMELY strong duck tape along the top and sides, then weighting down the whole shebang with cinder blocks (this both keeps the tarps secure from wind gusts and keeps that crinkly vinyl from making noises that would frighten the cats sheltering on the porch). Then I lay carpet runners on all 3 steps, then put 4-7 cozy cat beds on top. I take cheap face towels, sew them on three sides, insert 2 activated Hot Hands into each, then place one pouch in each bed (they stay hot for 10-12 hrs easily). Once that's done, food and water dishes get put out, and my little guys (including a 15-year old and his 12-year old buddy) are safe and toasty warm. I make a cunning little exit for them on two sides for when they need to leave for bathroom breaks; the exits close immediately after Cat walks through. During the Great Ice Storm of 2021, when temps stayed in single-digits for 96 straight hours, temps on my porch enclosure only dipped below 70° one time-- briefly. Which had the added benefit of insulating the front of the house, so we didn't get a spike in our electric bill like thousands of others did!

Which means I have plenty of time to put any good anti-bumrushing ideas through their paces. So please do post even half-baked suggestions!

Aw, you're too kind, R6--I blush!

Here's Pippin, who last week sneaked inside while I was doing the night feed outside, the little minx! He was utterly disinclined to be put outside ...plus he's so darned cute! So I let him stay in, and he took up residence in the room where we store the out-of-season furniture. He was so good, playing quietly, sneaking my haughty bitchcat's food, and chasing haints in the wee hours.

Mercurial sister was none the wiser!

Cat door on your catio - place a box with a side entrance to decrease drafts.

Caregiving has made you insane and I fully support you. Ensure the babies are fixed.

Cats do not belong outside. If they hate your sister it’s because of how she acts around them. She’s either too loud, too handsy, etc.

They don't hate her, actually R10; I think they don't think about her at all. They're too busy living the life of spoiled kitties for whom the world is just one giant bouncy castle.

And, yes, R9, in three weeks all three will be delivered unto Vet for The Great Snip. I'm too old for babies.

Clearly, it is your sister that is the problem. I will never understand those that hate animals. Cats are so easy to own. I'm surprised they try to get inside. The problem is often the opposite of that, they bolt for the open door to get out. I don't have any suggestions. Cats don't take well to training IMO. Like I said, your sister is the problem, not the kitties. Ask sis to be more tolerant.

Look at that perfect ice scream spoon on the seated cat at R1. I would let him eat at least one bitchy senior citizens face without ratting him out.

Seems to me the optimum solution would be to off the bitch sister.

[quote]I spent hours measuring out and rigging up a double-row of heavy-duty C-screws along the entire front porch, then attaching two 19.6-mil tarps ...

My goodness, R7. You're so butch!

Every animal should be taught "back!" with a couple brisk hand claps. This is for their own safety, not as punishment. Eventually you just say 'back' and they back off whatever it is. Behavior problems come from them not knowing the boundaries. Teach your cats fairly and they'll comply. I echo the others in saying NO outside for the cats! Especially with weird viruses erupting in animals, you must be more diligent about that. Zero outdoors!

100% with you, R12. I think she fancies herself lady of the manor, while I'm the brilliant fuckup. The hardcore religiosity makes it that much worse, because you can't tell a hardcore fanatic jack shit; they already know everything. The condescension is absolutely galling.

Obviously this thread is turning into a therapy session for me, because I know good and damn well what will end up happening is those cats will train HER, not the other way around. Three years from now it'll be "Well, you know, of course, I have loved those three little guys since the day their mother dropped them off you you to keep." (Cue the Jessica Walter massive eyeroll gif troll)

Thanks, guys.

Forgot to add @R7 I also rig up a large (but energy-efficient) heat lamp high above the cat beds. Talk about snug as a bug....

Guess who just called and apologized abjectly?

Like I said, mercurial.

Thanks, DL, for keeping me (somewhat) sane in the sleepless overnight hours in a lonely hospital room.

Big sister Tess thanks you, too.

DL is not the place to discuss pussy issues.

OK, R20, would you be happier with LITERAL pussy violence instead?

Bitch wanted to slap that pussy.