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Let's be the City of Chicago!

I've the sparks-showering Film Noir belt known as "The L".

by Anonymousreply 113February 17, 2024 3:20 PM

I'm the hordes of Instagram influencers collected around the Anish Kapoor "Cloud Gate" sculpture.

by Anonymousreply 1February 9, 2024 12:13 AM

I'm Leslie-Ann Warren, singing the city's praises while slapping my ass.

by Anonymousreply 2February 9, 2024 12:17 AM

I'm the two liquid tons of green food coloring poured into the river every St. Patrick's Day.

by Anonymousreply 3February 9, 2024 12:19 AM

I'm the two liquid tons of suburban teenage vomit poured into the sidewalks every St. Patrick's Day.

by Anonymousreply 4February 9, 2024 12:19 AM

It's El train shortened from "elevated train.

I'm the insufferable doys town guys.

by Anonymousreply 5February 9, 2024 12:25 AM

I’m the Shamrock Shuffle. As I do every year, I will put 30,000 participants on the downtown streets on March 24, 2024. I can only hope for the locals’ sake that Uber, Lyft, the CTA, and O’Hare can get them back out of here promptly. I don’t even want to think about what will happen in the hot dog and pizza places near me!

by Anonymousreply 6February 9, 2024 12:52 AM

I'm the astonishing murder rate.

Then and now.

by Anonymousreply 7February 9, 2024 1:18 AM

I'm all of the toddling.

by Anonymousreply 8February 9, 2024 1:20 AM

I’m the armed juvenile carjacking thugZ who run rampant on Chicago streets because I know I won’t face any consequences for my actions.

by Anonymousreply 9February 9, 2024 1:26 AM

I'm Holabird & Roche.

Although my exquisitely attenuated steel-cage architectural designs set the tone for modern architecture internationally, Burnham & Root and Adler & Sullivan get all the credit.

by Anonymousreply 10February 9, 2024 1:39 AM

I'm Mrs. O'Leary's cow.

Although I get blamed for starting the Great Fire of 1971 by kicking over a lantern, it was most likely a man stealing my milk who left his tallow candle behind who was the culprit.

I was also the first of 250-340 victims of the fire.

by Anonymousreply 11February 9, 2024 1:42 AM

I'm the Picasso. I'm either an abstracted portrait of his most lusted-after female model or a stylized sculpture of his beloved afghan hound.

by Anonymousreply 12February 9, 2024 1:44 AM

I’m State Street, that great street.

by Anonymousreply 13February 9, 2024 1:44 AM


by Anonymousreply 14February 9, 2024 1:47 AM

I’m the dried blood on the sidewalk.

by Anonymousreply 15February 9, 2024 1:49 AM

I am The Weiner’s Circle, the single most foul-mouthed in-your-face hot dog place ever to be found on this earth.

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by Anonymousreply 16February 9, 2024 1:55 AM

I am the museum scene in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

I am the first time anyone actually films the interior and collections of the Art Institute of Chicago.

And I represent the first school trip of the young children - and the last school trip of the three main characters.

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by Anonymousreply 17February 9, 2024 2:01 AM

I’m Naperville, 30 miles away but I tell everyone I’m still a part of you.

by Anonymousreply 18February 9, 2024 2:05 AM

I'm the crime.

by Anonymousreply 19February 9, 2024 2:10 AM

I’m Lower Wacker Drive. Every movie or TV show must include a scene using me.

by Anonymousreply 20February 9, 2024 2:22 AM


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by Anonymousreply 21February 9, 2024 2:23 AM

I had the sexiest mayor in history. You know I mean

by Anonymousreply 22February 9, 2024 2:25 AM

R22. Who me?

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by Anonymousreply 23February 9, 2024 2:32 AM

I'm Frank Lloyd Wright, lurking in the suburbs.

by Anonymousreply 24February 9, 2024 2:34 AM


by Anonymousreply 25February 9, 2024 2:39 AM

Can I be The Devil in the White City?

by Anonymousreply 26February 9, 2024 2:54 AM

I’m John Hughes filming around the North Shore.

by Anonymousreply 27February 9, 2024 3:25 AM

I'm da sport peppahs on ya hot dog.

by Anonymousreply 28February 9, 2024 3:26 AM

I'm the night Chicago died. When a man named Al Capone tried to make that town his own. And he called his gang to war with the forces of the law. You should have heard my mama cry.

by Anonymousreply 29February 9, 2024 3:31 AM

I’m the best Chicago pizza and it’s like no one really knows where I am. Everybody talks about me, lots of people put me down, compare me to New York. I’m in the neighborhood, or used to be, is what some of them say. Others might mention their Uncle Sal or that place that closed.

I’m the Keyser Soze of culinary marvels. Jon Stewart called me a casserole!

by Anonymousreply 30February 9, 2024 3:44 AM

I'm Lori Lightfoot's forehead.

by Anonymousreply 31February 9, 2024 3:52 AM

I'm the Second City — ostensibly a theater but really an expensive class-taking machine for SNL hopefuls.

The chances of getting on my stage are roughly the same as those of a pickup basketball kid who ends up playing for the Lakers.

by Anonymousreply 32February 9, 2024 3:59 AM

r3, I always wonder how that is environmentally-friendly. They claim it is fine for the fish.

by Anonymousreply 33February 9, 2024 4:01 AM

I’m that Free and easy town, brassy, breezy town. No, wait, I’m a town so smart it's spelling starts with C- H - I - C... Chic!….

by Anonymousreply 34February 9, 2024 4:07 AM

I'm the formerly glamorous Marshall Field taking up a whole square block of downtown.

Now I'm a Macy's that feels like a JC Penney's, and tumbleweeds roll my empty marble corridors.

by Anonymousreply 35February 9, 2024 4:20 AM

I'm everyone's favorite summertime game: "Fireworks or Gunshots?"

by Anonymousreply 36February 9, 2024 4:21 AM

I'm the Tiffany mosaics at Marshall Fields (now Macy's).

Please be impressed by me.


by Anonymousreply 37February 9, 2024 4:22 AM

I'm a box of Frango Mints.

by Anonymousreply 38February 9, 2024 4:22 AM

I’m Lake Michigan. Chicago is the pimple on my backside.

by Anonymousreply 39February 9, 2024 4:27 AM

I’m the city’s sportsball team, the White Cub Hawk Bulls.

by Anonymousreply 40February 9, 2024 4:30 AM


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by Anonymousreply 41February 9, 2024 4:35 AM

I'm Steamworks, and the most bitter cunts in the universe work my front desk. They make even the most sour DLer seem like Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm.

by Anonymousreply 42February 9, 2024 4:39 AM

I'm Garfield conservatory. I'm stunning and free to enter.

by Anonymousreply 43February 9, 2024 4:46 AM


by Anonymousreply 44February 9, 2024 4:48 AM

Boston is London, N'Orleans is France!

New York is anyone's for ten cents a dance!

But that great big town on that great lake

Is America's first, and America's great


by Anonymousreply 45February 9, 2024 4:54 AM

I’m the guy who tells, “Where?”, energizing Judy’s performance of Chicago, closing her Carnegie Hall show.

by Anonymousreply 46February 9, 2024 5:03 AM

I’m the word Ted Baxter mispronounced on the pilot episode of “The Mary Tyler Moore Show”.

by Anonymousreply 47February 9, 2024 5:05 AM

I’m the flatness of the land.

by Anonymousreply 48February 9, 2024 5:07 AM

I’m in WAAAAAY over my head.

by Anonymousreply 49February 9, 2024 5:08 AM

In Albany Park, can you get Korean Food, get shot and see pigeons.

by Anonymousreply 50February 9, 2024 5:48 AM

I’m Section 8. My vouchers destroyed the middle class black neighborhood on the South Side by populating the with former project residents.

by Anonymousreply 51February 9, 2024 5:55 AM

Meanwhile those people moved to Dalton, where the mayor thinks she’s Queen of the Southland.

by Anonymousreply 52February 9, 2024 5:57 AM

Following on r28, I'm da jardineer.

by Anonymousreply 53February 9, 2024 6:27 AM

I’m the gorillas in the Lincoln Park zoo. I’m adorable.

by Anonymousreply 54February 9, 2024 6:36 AM

I'm the lie that Chicago is where it because of the river. They wanted to put it where the Calumet River hits the lake, but Indiana refused to pay any money for the canal, because they were betting on the Maumee-Wabash canal at Fort Wayne, so Illinois moved their canal up to the Chicago river to deprive Indiana of development. It worked. NW Indiana didn't urbanize until 1900 by which time Chicago had engrossed 90% of the trade.

by Anonymousreply 55February 9, 2024 7:08 AM

I’m the giant chip on my shoulder about NYC.

by Anonymousreply 56February 9, 2024 7:25 AM

I'm all the jeering at Toronto.

by Anonymousreply 57February 9, 2024 10:35 AM

I’m the hundreds of napkins tossed in the air at Sidetrack on show tune Sundays as Don’t Cry For Me Argentina crescendos.

by Anonymousreply 58February 9, 2024 10:46 AM

It’s a vegetable dye, R33, and it’s gorgeous.

by Anonymousreply 59February 9, 2024 2:57 PM

Canal? What canal?

by Anonymousreply 60February 9, 2024 3:12 PM

I'm Beth Jarret doing some much-needed retail therapy downtown after learning that Conrad's therapist is a Jew.

by Anonymousreply 61February 9, 2024 3:18 PM

It's been a number of years R58, but doesn't that bit happen during Sail On (Titanic)?

by Anonymousreply 62February 9, 2024 3:39 PM

R11 Actually, the current conventional wisdom is that sparks from a meteor shower and/or storm may have started the fire in Chicago as well as a large fire in WI on the same evening.

by Anonymousreply 63February 9, 2024 3:41 PM

I'm Mashall Field's, and the numerous prisspots who stood up for its name!

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by Anonymousreply 64February 9, 2024 3:43 PM

They are fighting for a Macy’s to pretend it’s still Marshall Field’s

by Anonymousreply 65February 9, 2024 3:47 PM

^that’s a question.

by Anonymousreply 66February 9, 2024 3:47 PM

Yup, meanwhile department stores are all but dead no matter the name....

by Anonymousreply 67February 9, 2024 3:52 PM

We met at the Pump Room, Ambassador East, to say the least

On shish-kabob and breast of squab we will feast and get fleeced

Don't tell me sin is rampant and rife

Think of that man who ran for his life

Chicago, your home town.

by Anonymousreply 68February 9, 2024 3:59 PM

I'm Steve Dahl at disco demolition night July 12 1979, Comisky Park!

by Anonymousreply 69February 9, 2024 4:24 PM

Let’s not.

by Anonymousreply 70February 9, 2024 4:26 PM

I just looked up the canal. It’s a glorified sewer! How appropriate.

by Anonymousreply 71February 9, 2024 5:11 PM

R62- it happens during both numbers. Clean up is a bitch.

by Anonymousreply 72February 9, 2024 10:32 PM

I’m the plague researcher and his Brit bus driver hookup doing a thrill kill.

by Anonymousreply 73February 9, 2024 11:14 PM

I'm Martin Amis, cunting about Chicago like a cunt.

Cunt cunt cunt, I say, cocking my snook at all this ghastly Modernism.

by Anonymousreply 74February 9, 2024 11:30 PM

I'm the Metro, which hosted so many great bands since 1982. After you dance your ass off until daybreak, then I'm Ann Sather's, where you can get your Swedish pancakes to fill your soul.

by Anonymousreply 75February 10, 2024 12:06 AM

I'm Louis Sullivan.

Frank, you bootleg house-building bitch, you broke my heart.

by Anonymousreply 76February 10, 2024 12:09 AM

Thanks for the interesting history lesson, R55.

In my younger days I used to call Chicago a big, cheap, Midwestern imitation of New York.

by Anonymousreply 77February 10, 2024 12:27 AM

"I’m the giant chip on my shoulder about NYC."

I'm the person who lived there for 20 years and never once saw any evidence of this.

by Anonymousreply 78February 10, 2024 1:50 AM

I would love to be a Chicago speakeasy but I think I missed my time.

by Anonymousreply 79February 10, 2024 1:53 AM

I’m Garrett’s Chicago Mix popcorn. I am ridiculously addictive.

by Anonymousreply 80February 10, 2024 2:02 AM

I'm the Wrigleyville Cumdump!

However, I have been eclipsed in popularity by another hole.....

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by Anonymousreply 81February 10, 2024 2:07 AM

and I am Our Lady of the Underpass

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by Anonymousreply 82February 10, 2024 2:09 AM

I am the sheer number of fuckable men in Chicago.

The nearby farming states send all of their beef to me!

by Anonymousreply 83February 10, 2024 2:09 AM



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by Anonymousreply 84February 10, 2024 2:19 AM

I'm Alexi Giannoulias, the IL Secretary of State.

I'm delicious.

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by Anonymousreply 85February 10, 2024 2:26 AM

I'm part of the soundtrack of the city

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by Anonymousreply 86February 10, 2024 2:27 AM

I'm the sense of inferiority because I'm not New York City.

by Anonymousreply 87February 10, 2024 3:25 AM

R87, Toronto!

So nice of you to stop by.

by Anonymousreply 88February 10, 2024 3:27 AM

[quote] I'm the person who lived there for 20 years and never once saw any evidence of this.

Yes. They love to be called Second City. Especially when they’re third or fourth.

by Anonymousreply 89February 10, 2024 3:30 AM

I'm human meat fart and ultraMAGA Mike Ditka, still worshiped by a great deal of straight Chicago men.

I'm hideous inside and out. And my wife looks like a dyke.

by Anonymousreply 90February 10, 2024 3:34 AM

I'm Narcissa Niblick (Mrs. James Ward) Thone's exquisite collection of miniature rooms.

I was created under Miss Niblick (Mrs Ward Thorne)'s exacting specifications by no less than 80 architects and artisans over a thirty-year period.

I have my own wing at the Art Institute of Chicago.

I am worth a trip.

by Anonymousreply 91February 10, 2024 3:46 AM

I am the Diversey Rocks, where many a load has been splattered over the years....

by Anonymousreply 92February 10, 2024 4:45 AM

I'm the Trump Hotel and Tower, now a favorite tourist selfie spot to give the middle finger.

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by Anonymousreply 93February 10, 2024 4:50 AM

I’m a Chicago window.

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by Anonymousreply 94February 10, 2024 4:54 AM

I'm ugly brown Chicago common brick, which is a shame because the natural yellow limestone there is actually quite attractive.

by Anonymousreply 95February 10, 2024 4:57 AM

I’m the glorious lack of any lesbian community.

by Anonymousreply 96February 11, 2024 1:51 PM

Really? The mayor was a lesbian.

Chicago has the best infrastructure of any city in the nation, mainly because the people who built it in the 1850s were exceptionally smart, something not found anywhere else in American city building.

by Anonymousreply 97February 11, 2024 6:34 PM

R97, they were so smart in the 1850s that it burned to the fucking ground in 1871.

by Anonymousreply 98February 11, 2024 6:46 PM

All cities burned in olden times.

Today's Chicagoans seem like midgets in shoes that are too big for them.

by Anonymousreply 99February 11, 2024 6:48 PM

I am Nookie's, known for terrible food and hot waiters.

by Anonymousreply 100February 11, 2024 6:51 PM

I’m the unasked-for banana next to your eggs at the Melrose.

by Anonymousreply 101February 11, 2024 6:52 PM

I'm the downstairs at Unabridged, ostensibly filled with travel books......I'm as cruisy as the cock, I mean the day is long.

by Anonymousreply 102February 11, 2024 6:54 PM

I’m Lori Lightfoot’s men’s pinstriped suit

by Anonymousreply 103February 11, 2024 7:37 PM

I’m a full floor of THE best building in Chicago.

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by Anonymousreply 104February 11, 2024 7:55 PM

I’m Lori Lightfoot’s too long pants!

by Anonymousreply 105February 11, 2024 10:07 PM

I'm the hot hairy jogger running shirtless in winter.

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by Anonymousreply 106February 17, 2024 4:18 AM

I'm the glorious ribs, burgers and onion rings at the Twin Anchors tavern in Old Town.

by Anonymousreply 107February 17, 2024 4:23 AM

I'm the Bijou Theater. I'm covered in layers upon layers of nacreous permacum.

by Anonymousreply 108February 17, 2024 4:55 AM

R101 The Melrose closed in 2017.

by Anonymousreply 109February 17, 2024 5:03 AM

I’m ketchup on a hotdog.

by Anonymousreply 110February 17, 2024 1:14 PM

Isn’t steppenwolf in Chicago? Why haven’t you bitches mentioned me?

by Anonymousreply 111February 17, 2024 1:32 PM

R111 Because it's generally relentlessly hetero at The 'Wolf.

I'd sooner mention Hell in a Handbag, the great parody/comedy troupe that does funny, gay themed stuff like Christmas Dearest (yes, A Christmas Story mashed with Mommie Dearest).

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by Anonymousreply 112February 17, 2024 3:02 PM

I'm the front seat of the Chicago cop cruiser.

The sacred spot where a hot Polish daddy cop fucked my face years ago.

by Anonymousreply 113February 17, 2024 3:20 PM
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