Hello and thank you for being a DL contributor. We are changing the login scheme for contributors for simpler login and to better support using multiple devices. Please click here to update your account with a username and password.

Hello. Some features on this site require registration. Please click here to register for free.

Hello and thank you for registering. Please complete the process by verifying your email address. If you can't find the email you can resend it here.

Hello. Some features on this site require a subscription. Please click here to get full access and no ads for $1.99 or less per month.

Gay Male Couple Monogamy

Do you know any gay male couples who truly are monogamous or gay male couples who say that they are monogamous but you know that they’re really not?

by Anonymousreply 90February 12, 2024 12:47 PM

Oprah and GAYle are the first gay male couple that comes to mine. GAYle is too scared to cheat and Oprah’s 8 inch beer can cock still finds GAYle’s prostrate in 3.2 pushes.

by Anonymousreply 1February 7, 2024 6:27 AM

Yes lots OP. I also know some gay couples who have open relationships. It's none of my business.

Are you now going to post some threads asking why all gay men actually want to be women? Or whether gay men should ridicule effeminate gays or why all gays are effeminate and want to be women or something like that?

by Anonymousreply 2February 7, 2024 6:59 AM

I honestly don't care. It's none of my business what my friends do.

I'm interested in celebrity gossip because I don't know the celebrities in question so it all seems distanced and harmless, but since I left my 20s for some reason I pretty much ceased to be interested in gossip about my friends. I hate being involved in drama.

by Anonymousreply 3February 7, 2024 7:03 AM

R2, fuck off.

by Anonymousreply 4February 7, 2024 7:09 AM

Many couples make private arrangements with rules in place to preserve the central relationship. Nobody else’s business.

by Anonymousreply 5February 7, 2024 7:16 AM

Yeah, R2. Shitstain is working really hard at bumping all of the “why gay men are inferior threads.”

He probably gets off on the idea of being “lesser”.

by Anonymousreply 6February 7, 2024 7:42 AM

I would say my partner and I are as close to "monogamy" as a young'ish gay male couple can get (I'm 36, he's 40). Every once in a blue moon if we're feeling ambitious and hot at the same time, we'll hit up a bathhouse or party together and get some action, but that's a somewhat rare occasion—maybe two or three times a year, and usually when travelling. It's important to us to share those experiences. If he's getting his cock sucked by someone else, I wanna be there watching and jerking off (or helping), and he wants the same with me. But that's about as far as we care to open things up. We both had many years of prolific whoring before falling in love, and pretty much have had our fill of strange for the time being (it'll be four years next month). If that changes in the future, we're not opposed to changing up our dynamic, but we're not rushing it. We're both pretty kinky and voraciously creative, so I can't see things getting dull anytime soon.

by Anonymousreply 7February 7, 2024 8:47 AM

You sound like performative sluts to me r7

by Anonymousreply 8February 7, 2024 9:54 AM

100% monogamous for six years now. We were both sluts before and this is so much easier. Plus no STD worries. He was the one who wanted it and I have no desire to look elsewhere since. 👯‍♂️

by Anonymousreply 9February 7, 2024 12:40 PM

"gay male couples who say that they are monogamous but you know that they’re really not"

Lots, but I live in a huge city with a big gay population, so I suppose the chances are higher here - but as others have said - not really my business, nor do I care.

by Anonymousreply 10February 7, 2024 12:48 PM

I was always monogamous. My bf, not so much (unbeknownst to me). I knew a lot of gay couples who professed to be monogamous but at least one of the partners was always catting around. Made me completely sour on a relationship for myself.

by Anonymousreply 11February 7, 2024 12:54 PM

I would never cheat on my husband. Sex is not worth it. I waited 50 years to find love and am happy now.

by Anonymousreply 12February 7, 2024 2:24 PM

An eldergay widower friend was monogamous with his husband for the duration of their 30+ year relationship. He said the secret to their success was not rushing things.

He'd known his husband was promiscuous and kept his crush to himself for several years, not wanting to get hurt. They became friends and only started dating once the husband was ready to settle down.

by Anonymousreply 13February 7, 2024 2:39 PM

I like this thread. Happy men, happy together. We need a LOT more of this.

by Anonymousreply 14February 7, 2024 2:55 PM

I remember someone on here saying that Henry Kravall and Jake Gyllen were a secret couple during Prince of Persia but Jake was mad when Kravall wasn't exclusive so I assume Jake would be someone who is monogamous if he were with a man.

by Anonymousreply 15February 7, 2024 2:59 PM

I'm willing to bet that monogamy in gay male couples is pretty much the same as monogamy in straight couples. Cheating is hardly restricted to gay guys.

I would say that you'll find far more of the "saying they're monogamous when they really aren't " sort among straights. If they can't keep up their optics then they can't feel superior.

Sorry to burst your self-hatred bubble OP.

by Anonymousreply 16February 7, 2024 3:04 PM

My husband and I have been together 30 years. We have been monogamous from the beginning. Neither of us has any desire to look elsewhere.

by Anonymousreply 17February 7, 2024 3:17 PM

R17 I'm pretty sure you visit the bear sauna together though.

by Anonymousreply 18February 7, 2024 3:23 PM

" Neither of us has any desire to look elsewhere"

R17 You can only speak for yourself. Ever. You may very well be right, though!

by Anonymousreply 19February 7, 2024 9:05 PM

" Neither of us has any desire to look elsewhere"

R17 Whatever you tell yourself is ok too! Besides, you're probably 400lbs, only crazy people want all that.

by Anonymousreply 20February 7, 2024 9:40 PM

I support couples doing whatever works for them. And I’m quite in favor of allowing one’s partner to fool around with someone else from time to time… but keeping it to themselves. I’m long-time partnered and can’t imagine knowing they are doing the deed this very moment.

But when I hear coupled gays talk about constantly fucking others outside the relationship — I just listened to Joel Jim Booster discussing this in his own relationship — I know I couldn’t handle that and I also think for some it poses a serious risk to the relationship.

by Anonymousreply 21February 7, 2024 9:56 PM

We WERE monogamous for the first 8 years, and then we decided to go to a sex party 2x a year, so we do. Been doing that for 3 years, and it's spread to 'happy ending massage is also ok' and 'bar night where sex occurs is also ok even if we're not together'. I'm a bit troubled by that last one though...but I like the other two.

by Anonymousreply 22February 7, 2024 9:57 PM

No way. Period.

by Anonymousreply 23February 7, 2024 10:17 PM

27 years , so yes..

by Anonymousreply 24February 7, 2024 10:22 PM

My partner and I are monogamous and we’ve been that way since the beginning of our relationship. We were each other ‘s first and remained that way. We’ve been together for 18 years (married for 11). This isn’t to brag at all as I don’t judge and don’t care what you do in the bedroom. I’m just bringing it up because OP assumes that gay monogamous relationships don’t exist when in fact they do. You just don’t hear about them because we aren’t loud about it. We just go about our daily life. We’re both not into the gay bars and clubs scene nor big parties. We’re just homebodies who go about our daily 9-5 lives and come home to each other, stay in, and watch tvs. We plan a date night weekly where we’ll go somewhere nice. I know it sounds super boring but we’re content with the way we are and are just blessed to have each other. I think one of the biggest contributing factors also is that we’re both terrified of catching STDs. Also, there’s just something so special about sharing intimacy with your one and only, and yes, sex is and can still be amazing. You just gotta be creative. Everyone’s happiness is different and so deeply personal. I’m not here to judge anyone’s preference. I’m just speaking from my own experience.

by Anonymousreply 25February 7, 2024 10:31 PM

We did it for 26 years. Probably better to compare us to het boys, who lie about it far more often. There was a UCSF study in the 1980s that indicated the same: gay couples just talk about it (non-monogamy) more. Het boys just cheat. Sorry Frau, OP. Peddle your heterosexism elsewhere.

by Anonymousreply 26February 7, 2024 10:34 PM

R25 I envy you for the intimacy. I will never be able to experience that because my circumcision left me with no feeling during sex. That's why I will stay single.

by Anonymousreply 27February 7, 2024 10:42 PM

I agree with R2. I know plenty who are monogamous, and probably nearly an equal amount that aren't.

It's all I have to say to OP......when one's mind is on one's OWN business......

by Anonymousreply 28February 7, 2024 10:45 PM

A few years back a study of at least a 1000 men was reported in a gay magazine.

51% of those gay men surveyed in a monogamous relationship claimed they had cheated.

17% of those who had cheated claimed they had received an STI

And this is what really stuck out to me, of that 17% that had an STI, 61% claimed they did not tell their partner. Now I find this latter very hard to believe but it is what was reported.

by Anonymousreply 29February 7, 2024 11:06 PM

[quote] I would never cheat on my husband. Sex is not worth it. I waited 50 years to find love and am happy now.

How old are you?

by Anonymousreply 30February 7, 2024 11:50 PM

R22, bar sex? Are you allowed to bring someone back to your house if the other isn’t around? That always weirds me out, someone else in my bed fucking my husband.

by Anonymousreply 31February 7, 2024 11:52 PM

R31, no way. Nobody comes home, we agree on that.

by Anonymousreply 32February 9, 2024 5:05 AM

My opinion is... NO. Monogamy is generally NOT possible. Men want variety, it's kinda biological. AND there is no compelling social reason for monogamy given the fact that we are not fathering children, and thus don't care about the genetic consequences of variable sex partners. Men can, of course, choose to make monogamy their paradigm, but enforcing it will not be pretty, by and large. Don't ask or make your man be monogamous. Be with him in the way he wants you to be with him, and he will do the same, till one or both of you cannot do that anymore.

by Anonymousreply 33February 9, 2024 5:09 AM

I could be wrong (probably am) but I tend, with experience from my gay friends, to find that the reason why gay relationships are more likely to be open that straight relationships is that men are usually far more openly highly sexed than women. Also, you tend to find that gay couples aren't always on the same page in terms of libido; one will want to do it all the time and one will happily not. Some cheat, some are open, some suffer and wait for their partner to be in the mood which could be like waiting for Halley's Comet. It's a mixed bag. I know it might only be sex to some but it's a shame in a way that more gay couples can't be exclusive. But, if it's agreed by both partners then there's nothing wrong with it providing it's not one agreeing because he thinks the other (with the higher libido who probably suggested it) would only do it in secret and cheat anyway if they said no or end up breaking up. Sex is important but it's shallow when it becomes the be all and end all in a relationship.

by Anonymousreply 34February 9, 2024 5:12 AM

[quote]I would say my partner and I are as close to "monogamy" as a young'ish gay male couple can get R7

🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣....R7 has no idea what the word monogamy means. He's just talking about dry spells when they cant find a thruouple.

by Anonymousreply 35February 9, 2024 5:19 AM

Yes. My cousin Tim and his partner, Robert.

by Anonymousreply 36February 9, 2024 5:40 AM

The only odd thing is I have known one coupe for over 10 years who has always had an open relationship. They can date other guys, does not have to be a three way or whatever. They are open about it, their friends know, not a big deal. But then one day we were at a party, standing around talking to lots of new people, then I hear one of them say to another gay couple "oh we are both monogamous too". My head did a spin like Linda Blair.😮

by Anonymousreply 37February 9, 2024 6:22 AM

I know about ten couples in or around my age (thirties to early 40s) who initially started off monogamous.

Only two of them are still going strong!

by Anonymousreply 38February 9, 2024 6:24 AM

Most of the gay couples I know who did not start out as open, then shift to open almost all break up over time. Some lament the breakup years longer than the actual relationship.

by Anonymousreply 39February 9, 2024 6:28 AM

Men are not wired for sexual monogamy.

by Anonymousreply 40February 9, 2024 6:41 AM

R40 that is true and that's why I consider women sexist for not allowing their men to sleep around. Tell him to get a vasectomy and let him have fun.

by Anonymousreply 41February 9, 2024 9:40 AM

[quote] that is true and that's why I consider women sexist for not allowing their men to sleep around.

This is why straight men and women are at such odds with each other.

Two men? They tend to understand each other a helluva lot better, and that's a fact.

by Anonymousreply 42February 9, 2024 9:58 AM


So you are saying that gay couples stay together in a LTR while straight couples usually don’t? All because the gay guys go out and fuck others?

This conversation would be a different one if gay men were not the most infected with STI and HIV cohort in the country . Costing society untold amount of research and health care dollars trying to stay abreast of all this bb fucking.

All this fucking others, no condoms for the most part , and we complain when the govt does not find the cures quick enough and cheap enough.

It’s not a model without significant long term on going forever problems, and problems that are bound to get worse.

by Anonymousreply 43February 9, 2024 10:44 AM

[quote] This conversation would be a different one if gay men were not the most infected with STI and HIV cohort in the country .

That may or may not be true -- I truly am too indifferent to look it up -- but at least gay men aren't the ones with sky-high domestic violence/wife-beating rates, and nasty baby daddy/baby mama children custody battles.

I guess we all have our crosses to bear. ;)

by Anonymousreply 44February 9, 2024 10:56 AM


So you are a gay man that has no idea what the HIV and STI problems are like in the gay male community? And based on your comment you don’t give a fuck.

In 1954 drunk driving was pretty much tolerated. You might get a no big deal ticket you might get a warning. But drunk or impaired driving was just something normal that we accepted. Not so today. Society got tired of the deaths, injuries, and enormous costs to society. Today drunk driving is not tolerated. It can mean the end of political and business careers it can mean the loss of a license or even jail.

At one time 1964 fifty percent of US adults were daily smokers. Smoking was tolerated everywhere, hospitals, elevators, offices, etc etc. Not so today. Society those that were not smokers said we are tired of paying for someone else’s addiction. Today smokers in the US are a hated and scorned small minority. That was not health education that was the force of laws and regulations and hate.

And as far as wife beaters or those that beat children as you point out, that was also accepted in 1954. A mans right and parents right.

Today those acts get the police called. And often jail after.

If you think the heavy hand of the 90% will never be felt on the gay male community——we are one outbreak away of sexually transmitted disease and one political change at the top —-and you might find that high risk bb sex with strangers is also no longer being tolerated.

Society has a right to protect itself. And in time it does.

And it’s not the sex that’s the problem it’s the lack of fucking condoms by the me me me generations.

It’s going to get worse it’s not going to get better it is what it is.

by Anonymousreply 45February 9, 2024 11:45 AM

R45, dear lord, you're talking about HIV problems in the gay male community today and drunk driving in 1954. You sound lost and quite a bit all over the place.

by Anonymousreply 46February 9, 2024 11:49 AM


No I am giving you a history lesson and a peak at the future.

In time the larger 90% of society will get sick and tired of paying for all this high risk bb sex. And the many expensive and deadly diseases that follow.

And in time they will pass laws and lose tolerance for this just like they did for drunk driving, smoking, and beating wives and children.

And if you think that won’t happen then you are just like the smokers in 1964 that had no idea what was coming down the road for them.

by Anonymousreply 47February 9, 2024 11:56 AM

Eldergay now. 15 years, monogamous. We both had our fun when we were younger, and a few bad relationships. We’re just content now with each other. Sure, I’ve been tempted, but never by anyone hot enough to wreck my relationship. However, we might have a conversation in the future…he’s 10 years older than me and on medications that make sex difficult and less frequent lately. I’m not really bothered. I’ve had a LOT of sex, and I just don’t have this huge desire to be intimate with someone else. Yet? I am still horny a lot, but I can sort myself out rather quickly and move on.

by Anonymousreply 48February 9, 2024 12:26 PM

[quote]Men are not wired for sexual monogamy.

Speak for yourself. This man is.

by Anonymousreply 49February 9, 2024 12:32 PM

R48, I can’t give advice, but I am in a very similar boat. Including the sorting out. His health problems arose before we had a discussion on monogamy, so I technically have an “out.” But I know it would gut him, and I know I would have to face myself. Plus I have had plenty of sex that brought me nothing good, while this relationship has given me the best years of my life.

by Anonymousreply 50February 9, 2024 12:54 PM

Oh my R45, the Puritans are amongst us. In 1669, being self-righteous and burning witches was tolerated , not so much in 2024.

by Anonymousreply 51February 9, 2024 12:55 PM

R47 You’re right. It’s like being a different kind of deplorable. You can believe in science, but only when the Petri dish is above the waist.

by Anonymousreply 52February 9, 2024 12:55 PM

I’ve enjoyed reading this thread but it’s useless without Phillywhore.

Now, the twink starting to stir in bed next to me needs tending to and I have to use my phone to record the video for my husband back home. Good bye for now, DL

by Anonymousreply 53February 9, 2024 1:37 PM

I think for me I think of sex differently than feelings. If I was with someone and he got attracted to a waiter or someone at a bar and they had sex and then it was over, who does it harm? If feelings are involved, that’s when it’s a problem. If he wanted to go to a movie with this person, or dinner. Then it’s not just sex.

by Anonymousreply 54February 9, 2024 1:43 PM

Honored more in breach than practice.

by Anonymousreply 55February 9, 2024 1:44 PM

43 years. I’ve never looked at anyone else let alone hooked up. It happens.

I’m guessing it’s not all that likely, but it’s worked for us. Some people do really well by themselves. Some people do better together.

by Anonymousreply 56February 9, 2024 1:47 PM

[Quote]We WERE monogamous for the first 8 years, and then we decided to go to a sex party 2x a year, so we do. Been doing that for 3 years, and it's spread to 'happy ending massage is also ok' and 'bar night where sex occurs is also ok even if we're not together'. I'm a bit troubled by that last one though...but I like the other two.

Please invite us to your divorce party, because that's where you're headed.

by Anonymousreply 57February 9, 2024 1:47 PM

Eldergay who has seen lots of gay male couples over the years. The successful ones have emotional and social monogamy but rarely physical monogamy. There are almost always some sort of rules for playtime built in.

by Anonymousreply 58February 9, 2024 1:51 PM

What is bb sex?

by Anonymousreply 59February 9, 2024 2:02 PM

Oh, dear.

by Anonymousreply 60February 9, 2024 2:03 PM

It’s a type of sex that involves a special toy, R59.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 61February 9, 2024 2:06 PM

Ooooh baby fire that gun in me! 🔫 💦

by Anonymousreply 62February 9, 2024 2:08 PM

Most who say they're monogamous are so nasty and unattractive, that no one wants to have sex with them anyway.

by Anonymousreply 63February 9, 2024 4:41 PM

I know couples who are monogamous- quite a few. I know fewer who are not and some type of open. Bottom line is I really don’t care because it’s none of my business and has nothing to do with me- unless one of them puts the moves on me. That only happens on occasion in a car or party or gym with guys I don’t know. I don’t do the hookup apps but I know lots of couples do. That’s their business.

by Anonymousreply 64February 9, 2024 5:31 PM

R63, not remotely true-

by Anonymousreply 65February 9, 2024 5:32 PM

R64 I have found that often, you don't speak for my experience. Go away straight cunt.

by Anonymousreply 66February 9, 2024 6:05 PM

R35 Which is precisely why I put 'monogamy' in quotes. Two to three times a year is also being generous. I think in 2023 there was maybe one bathhouse blowjob. Neither of us fuck other people (I don't really want to fuck anyone else but him and he's too paranoid about STDs to be fucked by anyone else). I still think of it as an extension of monogamy because we think of those guys as purely supplemental to our sexual experience together. I usually pick the person I want to see sucking his dick, and he's looking in my eyes the whole time. It's about us, not the other guy.

Everyone has different definitions of monogamy, particularly gay couples. For some people monogamy even forbids porn consumption. For some people, monogamy could include the special occasion threesome. For us, it means we don't have new sexual experiences that aren't shared.

by Anonymousreply 67February 9, 2024 8:54 PM

“When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.’

’The question is,’ said Alice, ‘whether you can make words mean so many different things.’

’The question is,’ said Humpty Dumpty, ‘which is to be master — that’s all.”

by Anonymousreply 68February 9, 2024 9:38 PM

R67 The more you explain, the more it makes you not understand monogamy lol.

by Anonymousreply 69February 9, 2024 9:53 PM

I was monagamous in 3 out of 4 relationships. The exception was with a 30 yr old guy when I was 22. He was fine with me getting some action on the side if I didn't bring them home or make it a regular thing.

Monagamous in my 4th (25+ years).

by Anonymousreply 70February 9, 2024 9:53 PM

R69 Or rather that we don't subscribe to YOUR definition of monogamy. Do you and your partner ever watch porn when you jerk off? Occasionally fantasize about other men during sex or even while masturbating? Because if you have, there are plenty of monogamous couples who would say you also do not meet the definition.

by Anonymousreply 71February 9, 2024 11:44 PM

[quote]In 1954 drunk driving was pretty much tolerated. Not so today. Society got tired of the deaths, injuries, and enormous costs to society. Bla, bla, bla.

In 1954, the divorce rate 2.5%, now it's over 50% among heterosexuals. Because of that we have broken families, sky rocketing depression, babies left in trash dumpsters, record number of s syphilis cases among heterosexuals, mass shootings by young men who grew up watching their parents break their vows, dozens of trashy shows about housewives who cant stand each other and marry only for money. This is the sick and twisted world heterosexuals created by their lack of moral character just so they can fuck with the wife next door.

by Anonymousreply 72February 10, 2024 9:51 AM

R72 if women would not expect Disney Princess fantasies the world would be better off. Straights and the expectation of full monogamy is the cause of so many problems in the world.

by Anonymousreply 73February 10, 2024 10:28 AM

Straight men in certain middle eastern countries can have more than one wife, many in fact and they still turn out fanatical terrorist so I dont think monogamy is the cause of problems in the world.

by Anonymousreply 74February 10, 2024 10:34 AM

We’ve been together almost 20 years. Monogamous. Have never been tempted to stray. If you saw him, you would understand.

by Anonymousreply 75February 10, 2024 12:26 PM


I’m sure that’s meant to be a compliment to your partner, but it’s sad to think that monogamy can be enforced just because someone is prettier than you.

by Anonymousreply 76February 10, 2024 8:13 PM

No 76 I’m quite pretty.

by Anonymousreply 77February 10, 2024 9:38 PM

r75 Now let's put HIM under truth serum

by Anonymousreply 78February 10, 2024 9:42 PM

About 90% of the profiles on Scruff cite Open Relationship.

by Anonymousreply 79February 10, 2024 9:48 PM

Gay men are MEN. Men can't even be faithful to the mother of their children. To be faithful to another man is a not just a Hallmark fantasy it's a delusion. So is an "open relationship". The only long term gay partnerships I've seen work were based on "don't ask don't tell."

by Anonymousreply 80February 10, 2024 9:50 PM

Well you have a limited experience of gay men, R80.

by Anonymousreply 81February 10, 2024 9:52 PM

R80 As they should because a lot of times straight men are tricked into fatherhood with the famous "pill baby". You shouldn't expect your man to be moral when you weren't moral yourself.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 82February 11, 2024 3:22 PM

Which is why roughly 5% of babies are not the child of their putative father. This holds true for all ethnicities, socioeconomic groups, religious traditions etc. It's a remarkably consistent statistic.

by Anonymousreply 83February 11, 2024 7:20 PM

R81 Your Disney fantasy is actually admirable

by Anonymousreply 84February 11, 2024 9:27 PM

Isnt it funny how whores cant imagine the rest of the world is not just like them? To them everyone is lying because it makes them feel better if everyone is just as trashy as they are. It validates their behavior in their own little minds.

by Anonymousreply 85February 12, 2024 5:50 AM

[quote]To them everyone is lying because it makes them feel better if everyone is just as trashy and bitter and lonely as they are.


by Anonymousreply 86February 12, 2024 12:22 PM

R72 Seek help. If you think all those things are solely attributed to divorce, you need to educate yourself.

by Anonymousreply 87February 12, 2024 12:35 PM

You seem very lonely r85.

by Anonymousreply 88February 12, 2024 12:36 PM

I wonder if the people so adamant that "omg we are monogamous" or "monogamy is the only way" are secretly wondering if their partner is truly monogamous.

"Monogamy is the only way. My view is the only worthy one!"

by Anonymousreply 89February 12, 2024 12:38 PM

Everyone lies about sex even if it's just to themselves

by Anonymousreply 90February 12, 2024 12:47 PM
Need more help? Click Here.

Yes indeed, we too use "cookies." Take a look at our privacy/terms or if you just want to see the damn site without all this bureaucratic nonsense, click ACCEPT. Otherwise, you'll just have to find some other site for your pointless bitchery needs.


Become a contributor - post when you want with no ads!