Is Royal Caribbean’s Icon of the Seas the ugliest tourist attraction ever created?

I like bright colors, but I wouldn't want to be on a ship that big. It's tempting fate.

Boats like this are catnip for conservative Southerners.

Think it's sorta cute.

It’s rather fascinating because it’s so terrible. I can’t imagine being stuck on that nightmare.

What could possibly go wrong?

Perfect setting for the Tasteful Friends Cruise.

Must be a magnet for the Hot Houti.

I'd get on that thing if it was free. It's obnoxious and trashy looking but I bet it's comfortable on board. If it hit an iceberg or got bombed, there's a ton of colorful bullshit to grab on to while it sinks. I'd have a fun story at parties.

If it sank 10,000 people would go down!

^ More than a White Party

All cruise ships look hideous like floating multi story hotels. What’s the point of taking a sea voyage if you can’t even tell you’re on the sea?

R 11 nailed it. I guess the trash goes for the free booze and a way to pretend they’re not trash because they are “taking a cruise.” You couldn’t pay me to take it

Monstrosity on the seas. If it sank you’d be doomed to death. No escape on a fucking lifeboat as that behemoth would suck you down with it

It is ugly and ungainly looking. The asymmetrical shape is a fail. And like the Oasis class ships, there’s no real connection to the sea.

They don't care about making ships beautiful on the outside anymore R14. Just pack as much crap onto the outer decks as you can.

It’s essentially a floating Six Flags

To me as an introvert this looks like a nightmare to me. I like a nice cruise, but this exponential Vegas feeling would make me sick. I've enjoyed Celebrity cruises more because on those ships you don't really notice how crowded it is. But this - nope, not feeling it. Carnival is probably jealous right now.

Has anyone here watched any of JoJo Crichton or Kyle Pallo’s vlogs of the maiden voyage?

Chuck-e-Cheese for retired drunk people…

They had better offer great sign-up bonuses for any staff packing meat; they’re going to earn every penny.

I'm rooting for the rogue wave.

It looks vulgar inside. I prefer Art Deco or even tasteful midcentury. I don't understand what they are doing here. Did they hire Joe Farcus from Carnival?

Icon of the Seas Cabins and Suites Tour - One is VERY CONTROVERSIAL!

The most HONEST review. The word is in all caps so it must be so.

I’m a tacky bitch and I wish I could ride this boat.

It's the first outside job our design team has tackled, and we're thrilled with how it turned out!

Those interior balconies are a ripoff. You can’t enjoy the sun.

I'd go and look for all the forgotten '70s TV actors and has-been old movie stars that I understand are frequently on board.

Is anyone waiting, like me, for one of these monstrosities to go down just like the Titanic killing thousands? They just seem like total death traps.

I don’t understand the open-air center atrium? section. Are those cabins overlooking it? Who would stay in a cabin over.liking the interior of the ship? The noise bouncing off the walls would be horrendous.

I guess they’d be ideal for those who enjoy people watching.

One can only imagine the sort of people who would be one’s fellow passengers. [shudder]

God, it's tackier than I thought after watching that YouTube review. It looks like a dated shopping mall to me...and it's BRAND NEW!

People who say things like “The best thing about this area is that it has literally four different food spots” should not be content creators.

Also, saying your review is “very honest “ of course suggests it’s corrupt as hell.

[R29] Probably better than staying in an interior room with no windows.

what a HORROR!

We probably won't ever see a Titanic level disaster again. There are too many (well, enough) lifeboats/tenders on modern day cruise ships. Plus, these ships really just cruise around the Caribbean so icebergs and rogue waves probably aren't much of a threat. I could totally see bad actors (terrorists) trying to blow one up or an over-achieving active shooter taking it to open waters. Even with that, a quick response from land and sea would happen and emergency personnel would be on scene immediately in those unfortunate circumstances. Gastro-intestinal illness and drunk jumpers/baby droppers will remain a thing, though.

About midway through the review—which focuses a lot on how uncrowded the ship feels and how you never have to wait for anything—our intrepid reviewer casually drops that the ship is not at full capacity. Hmm.

Really, R36? I don’t really buy that. I’m sure that there are emergency provisions in place now, but extreme things happen in water disasters that can’t be controlled, and these ships seem to be profoundly unregulated in their design and size. When you’re dealing with ten thousand midwestern disabled fatasses needing to be removed from fast sinking ship (for whatever reason) you’re asking for serious disaster.

When that ship nearly the Italian coast turned on its side, thirty people died, despite the fact it was right next to shore. If something that enormous starts sinking in open water with a bunch of panicking people who have no experience in the ocean, there’s going to be a lot of death.

It’s near impossible to get firearms onboard a cruise ship. Or any other type of weapon. Potential pirates are deterred using these hornlike tools that emit a deafening sound and high powered fire hoses. But 99.9% of the time guns and other weapons don’t get through security. I’m guessing it would have to be an intricately planned inside operation.

R39, I agree for the most part but there are security vulnerabilities everywhere. I wonder if produce, musical instruments, liquor and other supply shipments go through metal detectors and spot checks.

Or a small thermonuclear device .

think of the people who go on cruises. they'll think this is like a wonder of modern art and design.

I just hope they fixed the windows

He interviewed one youngish guest who has been on 20 of these cruises. I have to think that represents a significant percentage of his vacations. To me it’s like vacationing in a shopping mall. I suppose the illusion of “free” food and booze at the mall is a powerful lure for some.

r23 Who better to trust for an honest review than someone wearing merch of the thing he's reviewing?

Also, a Disney adult.

Not me r42. It really is ugly to me, inside and out.

r43, I'll have my guys fix those pronto.

Consider that IOS carries 3x's the passengers that Concordia carried: The only thing that limited the death on Concordia is it sank close to shore. If IOS catches fire or sinks miles at sea . 10,000 people may die. Thousands of the slave like multinational crew will rise up from below decks and scramble into the boats and rafts leaving the fat old Muricans to burn and drown.Something to look forward to.

Bill Burr has an excellent idea of how to deal with people who cruise for fun.

Go out at night in a one-man submarine and torpedo the ships at random, during their awful dance marathons. All the watery margaritas and fried meats will go down with the ship. Nothing of value will be lost.

I don't see a huge cruise ship disaster happening, unless shitters go down and/or a mega virus mutates, but it would be a fun, exciting, non-political 2024 news story

Is there a less hideous child free pool?

I stay away from the pools and Jacuzzis. Many people just jump on in without washing first. Trifling af.

[quote]I stay away from the pools and Jacuzzis. Many people just jump on in without washing first.

Yes, but many of those things unwashed are young men's genitals. You have to have the right mindset.

Ew.

r 22 god i hate their voices

Its less worse inside than I expected given how hideous it is outside. Going by the review at R22 its pretty standard cruise ship interior decor, I dont like it but then there hasnt been a ship interior built to my tastes for over a hundred years. It looks comfortable enough and /i could live with it for the duration of a cruise, but then cruises dont really appeal to me anyway

You people are such snobs.

I feel right at home.

R57 That's because you're trash, dear.

[quote] but it would be a fun, exciting, non-political 2024 news story

Oh honey, sadly there is nothing -- no thing -- that isn't politicized now. Both teams will be looking to score inane points with psychotic gusto and dripping with hypocrisy.

The DEUTSCHLAND has beautiful Art Deco interiors but she is rather small and isn’t really marketed outside of Germany. And only two of her cabins have balconies. But her interior design is stunning.

R58, that isnt necessarily true, I'm kinda trashy and I dont like cruise ships

I meant I feel right at home here with you snobs, not with that cruise crowd.

From Frau to stern

I'm a regular cruiser -but never on one of those giant ships. Royal Caribbean's newer ships are all inward-facing. The only windows are in your cabins, so most of the time you can't even tell you're on a ship. Why bother? I'll stick to the smaller ships and classier lines.

Nobody did cruising better than Al Pacino.

Ooooh, such Old World elegance, class, cosmopolitism and aristocratic flair!

Unless cruises are EXTREMELY expensive and on the smaller side, you're bound to find trash who think that they're potentates because they're visiting 20 destinations in two weeks, inhaling food all day long and getting drunk each night at one of the discotheques, thanks to their all-drinks-included package.

Cruises were something relatively exclusive a hundred years ago, and up to the 1960s only middle class people could afford them. However, nowadays it's all Shane the Tradie and his wife Kayleigh the Nail Technician with the gaggle of little chavs, or sleazy, fat people who think that getting drunk at sea is more refined than doing so at the local pub.

In short, nobody minimally civilized ought to go on a cruise, unless it is with the very selective, small and expensive companies. As for this ship, is it any wonder that it looks like a cross between a cheap water park and a brothel? After all, the sorts of people who would frequent those places need to feel at home... 🤮🤮🤮

[quote]All the watery margaritas and fried meats will go down with the ship

Oh, the humanity!

Right on cue, R58.

The Times weighs in.

Kind of bullshit to have the ship’s reviews written when the ship is only 2/3rds full.

I suppose with 8000 passengers the odds some may be 10s like myself would be improved. Simultaneously the chances of multiple families getting into entertaining fights in the dining room would increase even moreso.

[quote] If it sank 10,000 people would go down!

We already had a wreck like that. They did it with a much smaller ship.

Like a vacay at the Beverly Center with a chance of drowning.

Vomit of the Seas

I tend to not like anything designed for families. Kids ruin everything if you don't have them. The vibe on the ship is off - the parents don't really get to relax like they want, there's always chaos in the dining rooms, the pools are overrun with running kids.

Fuck that shit.

I prefer some sophistication like Celebrity or Virgin. The rest of the standard cruise lines are either for the elderly, families, or for unsophisticated lower income people.

NO thanks. But Celebrity and Virgin seem to provide a good experience.

Viking Cruises and Regent Cruises come close to recreating the cruise experience of the 80's that I like. Of course you pay a premium price.

A good rule of thumb is, if you know the cruise line from TV -avoid it. NCL, Carnival, Royal Caribbean, Princess... They have all signed onto the giant-amusement-park-for-the-family concept. Their food and service has declined noticeably along with the ship bloat. You have to pay more to get what cruising used to be back in the day. That comes with smaller ships, fewer kids, and older passengers. Celebrity, Virgin, Viking, Cunard, Holland America... Though Celebrity is flirting with the family thing lately -much to the chagrin of their longtime fans. Oddly, Disney is clearly into the family thing, but they manage to do is significantly better than the other lines, making sure there are real adults-only spaces and quiet zones and keeping the level of food and service up.

A traditional cruise is still a wonderful vacation. Modern megaships (almost typed magaships for some reason) are an abomination.

R76 Disney is family-oriented, but pricey enough to keep out the trash.

Virgin is adults-only, but don't mistake that for upscale. It's actually quite gaudy and boozy.

R42 you're right. People who sail on these cruises are probably coming from boring beige houses with white walls and hand-me-down furniture. Even if tacky, they think the bright decor is paradise for a week.

They don't give a rat's ass about the decor or colors, R78. They care about someone else doing the cooking and cleaning while they booze it up and play like a kid -and someone else is dealing with the kids. It is the natural extension of our national narcism. They get to pretend they are rich and important for a week.

I just can't get over the fact that it looks like it should capsize the instant it tries to move away from the pier. Scooping everyone on deck into its cavernous interior atrium as it does so, and allowing their final moments to be a simulation of being trapped inside a pinball machine.

It looks like a Playmobil cruise ship.

Look at that thumbnail for the YouTube at r22. It’s classic clickbait.

Apparently the thumbnails that have an arrow accompanied by really stupid text are irresistible — like a photo of a Lamborghini with an arrow pointing to a wheel and text saying “why only four?”

I really despair of modern life.

[quote] We probably won't ever see a Titanic level disaster again.

Well, r36, the only thing that’s truly unsinkable is Molly Brown, but we likely won’t ever see a titanic type sinking because of the sheer stupidity of that ship’s design, elegant though her appearance might have been.

Large ships have a series of walls inside the hull that go from front to back. They have doors that allow passageway from one section to the next. If a hole develops under the waterline, you can close the doors and the compartment with the hole will flood, yes, but not the rest.

The designers of the Titanic decided they didn’t need to have these walls go all the way up to the deck. So, even though they closed the doors in the section where the iceberg damage was, once that compartment flooded, the water flowed over the top of the wall to the next compartment. Rinse and repeat and you have a lot of dead robber barons and immigrants.

Needless to say, this was seen as a suboptimal arrangement by ship designers.

No ferris wheel?

[quote] the parents don't really get to relax like they want, there's always chaos in the dining rooms

Or they leave their children unattended…which is worse than the parents being unable to enjoy themselves.

They have activities and facilities for parents to dump their kids and have someone else look after them.

[quote] Virgin is adults-only

That wasn't my experience...

With all of those people on board, how do they decide who gets to sit at the captain’s table?

Highest bidder would be my guess.

In the contemporary cruise industry, the senior crew are not as personable as Captain Steubing and Gopher. There are a few that are beloved (Celebrity Cruises’ Kate McCue, the only American woman commanding a ship, is universally adored) and who are out and mix with the passengers, but more of them just stay on the bridge.

Personally, I would prefer the ship's captain and first-in-command to be, oh I don't know, manning the fucking ship rather than making inane small talk with Aunt Lorraine from Des Moines about her vegetable garden.

With a crew of more than 2,000, I’m sure they can find someone to take over if the computer that is controlling the ship goes down while the Captain is at dinner.

r39 r40 - Stewards are trained to look through cabins for firearms, etc.

r91 r92 On the newest ships, that captain can walk around with an Ipad that has virtually "the entire bridge on it". Controls have been available now for about 20 years where the entire vessel can be remotely controlled, although that is not supposed to be discussed with outsiders like the people reading this thread.

"With all of those people on board, how do they decide who gets to sit at the captain’s table?"

Simple: it is exclusively for defrocked priests and New York detectives who have married prostitutes. Oh -and Marla Gibbs' sister.

[quote] On the newest ships, that captain can walk around with an Ipad that has virtually "the entire bridge on it".

So a passenger would just need to grab the iPad if they want to make an unscheduled port of call.

The first two Disney ships are the best looking ships. Subsequent ships are bulkier, taller and less graceful. The MAGIC & WONDER come closest to mimicking the classic liners of the past.

R90 Jeffrey Sterling is no Gavin MacLeod on that point.

r96 It's 'read only'. PS - Remote controls are usually physically disconnected for security reasons, like, um unscheduled port calls.

But a captain doesn't always follow the rules!

Oops 😬 wrong thread

[quote] The first two Disney ships are the best looking ships. Subsequent ships are bulkier, taller and less graceful. The MAGIC & WONDER come closest to mimicking the classic liners of the past.

Nothing is going to top the Disney Adventure, the hull from the bankrupt Dream Cruises they bought for the Chinese market.

Huge and ugly.

R102 The Chinese never did have any taste. They won't notice or care, as long as they can take selfies around decadent Western cartoon characters.

Plus the names of the Chinese cruise ships are terrible. At least when they are translated into English. ADORA MAGIC CITY and PIANO LAND must sound better in their native tongue.

I mean, “Disney Adventure” is better than its intended name “Global Dream” at least.

Frankly, it sounded like hell on Earth as was originally intended. Dream Cruises was planning her to have a passenger capacity of 9000, which Disney has lowered to the somewhat less daunting 6000.

On the positive, it’s supposed to run on green methanol instead of diesel or LNG, so it’ll be closer to carbon neutral.

[quote] The first two Disney ships are the best looking ships. Subsequent ships are bulkier, taller and less graceful.

Just like Rosie O'Donnell!

It's funny.

When I look at that ship, I wonder how it stays afloat. I never question how a much larger aircraft carrier stays afloat, but that ship just looks like it'll Poseiden Adventure if tapped the wrong way by a wave, let alone an actual storm.

R108 there is some very interesting finite-element computer modeling that goes on to determine stability. An example of this is placing whatever number of tons (yes, they are heavy fuckers) of slot machines will be in the casino.

Fuel, luboil, potable water, non-potable water of assorted uses, grey water, and black water tankage are almost all used for stability, and can be pumped into alternate tanks if needed, such as high winds.

"The Chinese never did have any taste." r103 Which also explains Lang Lang.

Have any of you ever sat at the captain's table for dinner?

Yes, multiple times, r111.

R111 - No, but I offered to sit on the Captain's lap.

R111 Only once, when I was traveling with Danny Thomas, but I found the glass a little slippery. And I wondered why he said it would be such an honor, considering the mess he told me to make.

While I agree with you about the perceived stability, R108, the eyesore in question is actually about 100 feet longer than a Nimitz class aircraft carrier and 2.5x the mass. I think there are some supertankers and container ships that are a bit longer, but a quick search only turned up one ship currently in service that's significantly heavier. (The Pioneering Spirit, a crane ship used to move and install entire oil drilling platforms.)

Yes.

And that includes Las Vegas, Dubai, the Shanghai Disney Resort, and Casa Bonita in Denver.

Are the window openings in the cabins large enough to discreetly drop the frame of a six-year old girl?

R115 That ugly ship is a catamaran, and a working girl.

And nearly 600 people can be berthed inside her.

[quote] think there are some supertankers and container ships that are a bit longer, but a quick search only turned up one ship currently in service that's significantly heavier. (The Pioneering Spirit, a crane ship used to move and install entire oil drilling platforms.)

Here's a video with some size comparisons of both current and historical ships, both commercial and military.

Somewhat ironically, the graphic places the Titanic and Costa Concordia next to each other.

Also, Ever Given, the Chinese container ship that got stuck in the Suez Canal a few years ago is longer than Icon. It doesn't quite have the same displacement, but that's also because it's heavier when fully loaded.

I can smell the sticky, screaming children from a still photo.

Worse than the gaudiness and cheap carnival appeal of the ship is the thought of being trapped aboard that thing for several days with the kind of people who would actually pay to do a cruise on it.

Pictured: R122

R119 - Cool video, thanks for posting. Is it weird that so many of those ships sank? I had no idea the Edmund Fitzgerald was that big.