Henry Cavill promotes Argylle

Why does everyone look terrible

Henry needs a better stylist. His body is beautiful but his suits fit so poorly. Does his mom pick out his outfits? Ugh.

Henry and his "girlfriend" made an appearance in London. Apparently they arrived and left in separate vehicles.

He has had a hair restoration again. The widows peak is almost fake looking. Not sure if the restoration would explain the kind of overall shaggy look. Maybe it needs time to set.

I wonder if it could even be artificial? I don’t know too much about them. It looks almost like the scalp on an animatronic.

Glasses looks nice but the, how to say, Grecian thing stands out.

It gives the impression of a child who has been asked to dress himself for church.

I’d say he’s trying to hide a weight gain but his face doesn’t look fat.

r2, I've worked with him for one day, and he has a very odd body- very broad shoulders, overdeveloped lats, skinny waist, great booty, thick thighs. While this sounds perfect, he has a torso of someone who should be 6'2 or so, but he arms and legs of someone who is 5'10", so his upper arms stick out slightly because of the overdeveloped lats, so much so that he wouldn't be able to hold his arms straight down by his sides- like bodybuilders do when they're in a competition. I think that's why he looks great in skimpy/superhero outfits, but not suits. Dwayne Johnson looks great in suits because he's more proportionate and gets proper tailored ones (he has to), whereas I think Henry just gets off the rack with some arm and leg alterations.

He is incredibly handsome in person, but almost looks like a doll. Very quiet, unless you talk about dogs. Showed me a pic of his Akita on his bed. Very asexual vibes.

That suit they put on him is possibly the ugliest thing I've seen in a long time. The slacks are so big they look like something trump would wear. He should never be in anything other than a nice form fitting suit.

Congratulations r8, you’ve described an Aspie!

Assume you were doing hair, makeup or fitting. So no, he would not talk to you. An Aspie would zone out as having a stranger in close proximity touching them would be unpleasant. Also getting hair or makeup done gives them quiet time to think.

R8, interesting stuff. Thanks for the info.

I'd tailor his suit for him then rip it off and fuck him hard!!!!!!

He's just too damn big. But I guess when the only roles you can get are super hero roles you have to stay bloated up. I'd love to see him with about 50 lbs. less bulk.

R13 encourages eating disorders as much as double breasted jackets do. Nobody who isn't stick thin looks good in them, and even then they still looks a bit antiquated and awkward.

He has a classic endomorph build (shorter than proportion limbs, wide shoulders, veers to stockiness)

Nothing you can really do about that

He’s so beautiful, but he needs to fire his stylist.

The oversized suit looks especially comical with the wee coffee cup.

Uncomfortable and awkward kiss with the “girlfriend” who arrives and leaves in a separate vehicle from Henry.

His "girlfriend" looks like an escort.

I noticed that too

However in the parallel universe where Cavill ended up with Michael Blevins, he probably would have kissed him the same way. That’s how Spectrum people kiss.

r2 Don't blame me for this. I used to buy close that fit him.

[quote] Don't blame me for this. I used to buy close that fit him. —Mother Cavill

When he was Fat Cavill.

Boobs.

Thank God he found a tailor

He still needs to knock it off with the double breasted jackets.

So skinny suits are out and baggy suits are in?

Baggy is in, but this is frumpy.

He’s hit a wall.

He can hit my wall, far or not.

I hope (after the super hero trend dies) he pulls a Bob Paris.

He was exquisite in “Stardust”

Why are her boobs out like that? Is she an actress? They look very fake, like domes.

[quote] They look very fake, like domes.

That’s what Henry’s gigantic tits look like except with hair.

R8 Don't ruin my filthy Superman fantasy!

Ashpie.

He looks terrible in those double breasted suits.

R30 Bob Paris? Boy your cultural references need updating

Pretending again we live in a parallel universe where Cavill found a large, muscular man who did not mind long silences, constant trips to the British Museum, watching everything he ate and telling him when to exercise, and regularly reminding him to take his wallet and phone when leaving the house, he would nevvvvver talk about him publicly. Even if he came out he wouldn’t talk about him publicly.

R30, Bob Paris successfully transition from musclehead to trim. Find another successful example for this grizzled queen or eat shit.

R37 forgive me for not knowing the reference to the post-competition physique of a bodybuilder from thirty years ago and assuming you were referencing the only thing he is actually know for, which was taking his husband on daytime talk shows

Ugh another double breasted

We'll, at least the black is marginally more flattering.

But it looks awful against the purple wall.

Is it me or can you actually see the plugs when they zoom in?

Definitely chose this to hide a bit of a weight gain

You gain a few pounds, you gain a few pounds. No reason to dress like doorman at the Soho House.

He seems oddly stiff even by his standards

At first I thought this read Henry Cavill promotes autogynophile.

At times he seems very uncomfortable in his own body. I can't imagine a man like this would be good in bed. Way too self conscious.

There was that time when he was with blevins when he actually appeared like he was producing testosterone

(a lot of testosterone)

Otherwise he’s always given the impression of one of those terra cotta soldiers they keep digging up in China

They posted the hairstyling test for Argylle and how can really see what the poster above said about his proportions in the second photo

His arms aren’t as pumped as in the Superman films and it does look like they just sort of emerge from his lats, which are gigantic

I wonder if it’s possible he doesn’t like the film? He seems kind of dead inside.

It can’t be that bad if Universal picked it up for theatrical (was originally meant for Apple TV) and is giving it a global push

I will eat my hat if he has EVER kissed that woman behind closed doors. Why even bother? He should just bring his mother to events.

R49 he did

OH I UNDERSTAND NOW

The reason he looks so strange is because he just had Botox. He may be planning on presenting at the BAFTAs or Oscars and it hasn’t set yet. His smile muscles are completely paralyzed.

He’s a prisoner in his own face

That "girlfriend" is an escort. A courtesan. A meretrix. A harlot.

I saw the trailer for Argyle and it looks horrible

[quote]That "girlfriend" is an escort. A courtesan. A meretrix. A harlot.

Oh Heintz, she's straight from the gutter!

A fille de joie!

I've always thought his arms looked too short for his body.

Commando in sweat pants.

I think he looks better in casual clothing.

He's a beautiful man. R8 has described him well. The arms are probably short and sticking out at his sides.

His date does look like an escort.

The girlfriend can best be understood by the photo at r50

a person on the spectrum can only have a relationship with a) someone else on the spectrum (ie. darryl hannah & jfk jr., woody allen & soon-yi)

b) a caretaker. a "seeing-eye neurotypical". cavill's mother was obviously the original caretaker. michael blevins was employed as his literal caretaker so that would obvs explain the intensity of that relationship. dani garcia, obvs just a platonic relationship there, but he moved to ft lauderdale to be near to her. and now glasses.

I want to point out something. this is not exactly fun. it is like minding an enormous child. in the photo up at the top of the thread, that is exactly what he looks like when he takes off the stoic henry cavill persona mask: an enormous child. so no this is not a relationship where she just turns up for a photo and leaves in a separate car. she is the caretaker.

GRADY: ...She's always been the caretaker.

on a side note what the hell is going on here?

I know nothing about dua lipa. she's not an aspie is she? two aspies in a room together either attract or repel like magnets depending which way the poles are facing.

This is how I imagine Dual Lips and Henry being married. The wife would be Henry and DL the husband. I think that because in the video, the wife constantly looks around during the interview. Henry is obsessed with Warhammer and probably has only this and The Witcher on his mind when he gets interviewed and until recently DL had no personality of her own. The first time I heard her talk full sentences was when she released her single "Houdini", 6 years after her career has started. That's why I imagine her to be like the cute husband in this video. Good looking but rather "short-sentenced".

Very pronounced stimming during this junket

The Aspergers may be getting worse with age, or he was always like this and just decided to stop hiding it

He's done the double-breasted coat thing for a while. Photo linked below of Cavill with Tom Cruise during the promotion of "Mission Impossible: Fallout" (2018).

Well yes he always dresses the same, that’s the point

The only thing that makes me doubt he's gay is his utter lack of fashion sense. He has the body and face to look amazing, but he dresses so badly.

The older he gets, the more he resembles Michael Weatherly (and not the young MW version).

He also looks better in motion than in stills, at least the bit I've seen of him (don't watch superhero things).

I’m telling you, if we were to hear this man’s internal monologue, it would sound exactly like Hyacinth Bucket. 🪻 🪣

R64 I think he gets his fashion advice from videos like this

At R66, DL anti-fave Alex Pettyfer is standing behind Henry.

Well yes he is in the movie.

Rolling Stone:

‘Argylle’ Has a Big Secret: It’s a Stunningly Bad Movie

Everyone from spy-movie lovers to Swifties have been trying to unravel the mystery at the center of this action-comedy. Here’s a hint: The film blows.

I just saw this and I know why Cavill seemed blasé about promoting this

His part was reduced in editing.

Huge chunks of the film feel missing yet it also seems too long.

I can see why it got such a good cast; it looked great on paper i’m sure.

It does not work as a film. At all. It is too complicated. It’s an 8-10 episode JJ Abrams miniseries turned into a 2.5 hour Matthew Vaughan film. This is just like Flower Moon. Apple is taking that would make great limited series and forcing them into overlong films.

That’s the first problem.

The second problem is obvious for anyone who remembers the Aughts. Bryce Dallas Howard is not a leading lady. She failed again and again. She was able to repair her rep with good supporting turns in films like The Help but she cannot carry a film. She has no chemistry with the leading man, Sam Rockwell. Even Frances McDormand had chemistry with Sam Rockwell.

I kept thinking of actresses who could do this role; I thought Ellie Kemper (Kimmy Schmidt) would have been perfect for it, or Rachel Brosnahan, or even Melissa McCarthy. This needed charisma out the wazoo. It was denied it. It failed.

Finally, the last question is why was this even picked up for theatrical. It is not good enough. I said in another thread that I can only think that Universal picked it up and promoted the hell out if it as training wheels for doing a Warner Bros-type star-focused release, in anticipation of the merger. True enough, even that building on 42nd Street that is always leased with wraparound ads for Warner Bros releases was leased to Universal to promote Argylle. Really this film had no business being sent to theaters. It is outright bad.

Ouch:

While the theatrical marketplace is starving for big movies post strike, Apple Original Films‘ $200M pick-up of Matthew Vaughn’s Argylle isn’t cutting it, with a $16.5M opening, C+ CinemaScore, and 3 stars on Comscore/Screen Engine’s PostTrak.

This is the first Deadline article that actually dared to criticize Apple’s freewheeling industry spend (including ads on Deadline). It shows that they have worn out their welcome.

The preposterous $200 million price tag (compare with $75 million for the very similar Henry Cavill Man from U.N.C.L.E.) shows the hallmarks of a company unfamiliar with show businesses being taken for a ride in Hollywood. Up until now, the most notorious example was the Peters/Guber reign at Columbia TriStar following its acquisition by Sony. Great book about it called Hit & Run:

[quote]In 1989, after Sony overpaid for Columbia, the company set itself up for what one insider calls ”the most public screwing in the history of the business” by picking an inexperienced management team. The Sony execs are made to look like “the dumbest bastards that ever lived,” in the words of one source, by not realizing that Guber and Peters were underqualified and would run the studio into the ground with profligate spending and bombs like Radio Flyer.

Also a comment on Deadline also pointed out that after one week on Apple Plus, Killers of the Flower Moon has fallen to number 7 on the streaming service. No one cared about it by the time it hit Apple Plus. Apple released it hoping it would capitalize on the Oscar nominations: it came in third place in total noms.. Killers was logically only a contender for one Oscar win - Lily Gladstone - and sentiment is already turning towards Annette Bening to give her a career recognition Oscar. She was a shoe-in for Supporting, but Apple thought they knew better. They do whatever DiCaprio and Scorcose tell them to, forgetting that DiCaprio and Scorsese struggled to get Oscars for decades.

Mind blowing stupidity from the smartest people in the room.

I’ll also add

Deadline did Henry Cavill a kindness in the post where they declared the movie a bomb - they used Rockwell and Howard’s pictures, although Cavill was the face of the campaign. But Cavill is not in the movie that much, he doesn’t deserve to have bomb strapped to him especially with another theatrical release in April.

This movie is an insult to plaid.

Is Dual Lips a good actress?

She’s barely in it. All her scenes are in the trailer and released clips.

Saw Argylle thjs afternoon. There were SIX viewers in the big IMAX theatre at 12:30.

Horrendous. A waste of an absolutely stellar cast.

Not recommended. Two thumbs down. F rating.

^ I think you're too harsh. It's a ridiculous romp and as such it was a lot of fun. It's a very playful take on action/spy movies. The acting is fine. Visually it was a pretty movie. I love the energetic soundtrack. And I was never bored in these 2 hours 19 minutes. That means something because the current batch of super hero movies bore me too tears. There seems to be a misunderstanding about the movie. Per Rotten Tomatoes, only 35% of the critics appreciate the movie but 70% of the audience. Isn't it unusual that critics and general audience are so far apart?

I'm confused as to how many films he has out atm.

…he has one film out at the moment, Argylle.

In two months, the Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare comes out.

And later this year, the film with Jake Gyllenhaal comes out.

Three films. One two three. Ah ah ah.

He looks portly and not in a good way.

R3 Henry and the “girlfriend” are so totally NOT an item. It’s almost an energy I’m picking up. They’re not intimately close or close in any way. They look extremely uncomfortable in each other’s company.

He looks good with the period facial hair in The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare:

R84 oddly formal, businesslike and with a tinge of discomfort?

Yeah don’t read too much into that.

These two apparently have a very happy marriage.

Couple of things

Cavill talks about himself as “we” now. “We” have a bucolic house in the countryside. “We” have plans for more dogs in the future. He would like to alternate large dogs and small dogs.

I would not be surprised if he has already asked her to marry him.

I also would not be surprised if she said no.

I know very little about Glasses other than she seems like a typical privileged LA girl who ended up in the film industry. It is quite one thing to date a handsome movie star, straight/queer or whatnot, especially if it aligns with your career ambitions. It is quite another thing to date a handsome movie star who wants to live an isolated existence in the English countryside with a rotating assortment of large and small dogs.

Frankly, it sounds like Henry Wilcox taking Miss Schlaegle to Howards End.

Oh God I can see it happening exactly like this.

Who picks the unflattering suits that Cavill often wears?

This is why I don’t buy that he’s gay. No gay man would wear such an ill-fitted suit.

Speaking of the suit

I will also add that Cavill is beginning to show the appearance and mannerisms of someone who in previous eras would be labeled as a little eccentric. I think it’s more of a self acceptance thing than any change; he was always the person he is now, he just doesn’t try to hide it. But it is a profound change. The body language, style of speaking, everything is different.

Chris Pine went through the same change (or unmasking), although the eccentricity is more dramatic.

Even up to last year, the idea that Cavill would start going on talk shows looking like this would seem far fetched. He looks like he’s getting ready to play David Lynch.

He is beginning to look like his Sherlock Holmes, which I suspected was the closest Cavill got to playing his real self onscreen.

I never understood DL’s obsession with this man. He has the charisma of dishwater. I’d rather watch paint dry than watch anything of him on tv.

He’s very good looking, R94. In a world of Timotheee Chalamets, he’s of the few Hollywood leads I find attractive these days. Even if he projects a very asexual, sexless kind of vibe. I’d happily help him work on that…

This is how Cavill will end up, female or male partner.

This is his costar from UNCLE, Luca Calvani. He lives on a farm in rural Tuscany with his husband and four dachshunds, doing bucolic shit like chopping wood and raking leaves, and cooking carbohydrate-rich foods in a rustic kitchen while golden light streams through the window.

[quote] I never understood DL’s obsession with this man.

He looka like a man.

R96 I didn't see a PC in this video

[quote] He looka like a man.

Henry has always had a repressed/sublimated feminine quality to me as if he tries too hard to seem masculine. His body and face though do look masculine.

R99 Indeed. It has been pointed out by many others that he possesses a lot of female energy.

There is a cognitive dissonance that happens when a man who looks like an alpha male does not behave like one. He’s quiet, aloof and docile. Women who marry AS men always say the same thing: “I was attracted to a silent, handsome stranger.”

This is the Jake Ryan phenomenon. Michael Schoeffling, who by virtue of becoming a recluse would almost certainly be on the Spectrum, is the prototype.

Confirmed not gay because he didn't do plastic surgeries. Except for the alleged circumcision the other datalounger claimed in an old thread. Does he look drugged up though?

Wait you need to have plastic surgery to be gay? Who creates these rules?

He looks crazy here

Maybe it’s the ring light

Hmm he's definitely broken his nose, whether accidental or intentional, who knows?

Kal, the Beardog, is from Kansas City.

Kal, Beardog.

Oh he got FILLERS

That’s why he looks so odd

It would seem he would probably be presenting at Oscar’s or BAFTAs if he took the trouble

They look awful

The photo on the right looks like something from an Sean Cody parody of Catcher from the Rye