Let's be the dubious claims of cosmetic products!

I'm Alpha Hydroxy

I'm Nancy Kwan's pearl cream

Pearls don't make your skin younger, bitch!

I'm the Visible Difference.

I cost more but I'm worth it.

I'm the gluten-free face cream.

I'm biotin

I won't do anything

I'm the locked-in moisture.

I'm "royal" "queen" and "princess" semiotics that persuade the POC buyer.

Thanks for the laugh, r2

I'm a lady chemist at the Ponds institute. Like all my coworkers I look like a supermodel. I make a note on my iPad: radiance revels increased by 40 percent.

I am the hair growth vitamins, if I really do work then how would I know to only grow hair on your head?

I'm dermatologist recommended.

That is oriental pearl cream bitch!

Use my Ethocyn Essence bitch.....

r6 Biotin will make your fingernails grow like mad, that's for sure

I’m the apple cider vinegar, here on the ingredients but for no clear reason.

I will erase all wrinkles. Give me your money, fool.

Hi, I'm Marilyn Miglin!

(Please don't mention how my husband died)

Dubious...

r18 Which husband?

I'm "collagen & elastin"

I don't do shit!

Were bees !! ... Stop stealing our pollen you assholes !!

I am the Swiss Institute that uses "cellular" complex in my "skin caviar". However you can now buy my products in Costco.

I am also the marine derived product that can cost $1000/jar. Oprah uses me on her feet.

I'm the Creme de la Mer "Miracle Borth"

I’m thermal waters, aka “holy” waters.

I'm magical melon antioxidants

I'm GOOP!

I'm the skin-tightening that happens after you massage your face with this faux-jade facial roller.

I'm the CBD products for hair and fingernails.

I'm the insufferable Clinique Stan on Datalounge. I will describe the 4 product skin care line that keeps me 60 something but looks 40, forever. The same damn products for coming on 4 decades. I will pine for that one product that was discontinued to my dying day. I'm virtually a clone of my mother, who was a life-long Estée Lauder Stan.

I'm WATER, and although I am only one in a long list of ingredients, I make up for about 90% of the lotion's substance.

I'm the 20K deep plane facelift that is a better value than 30 years of expensive lotions and potions.

I'm the 500% mark up!

I found The Fountain of Youth- inside a melon from the south of France!

I'm Gwyneth Paltrow and GOOP. Hello.

I am the Dead Sea, giving up ever more of my salt so you can smooth away roughness and allow new skin cells to regenerate.

R2...Don't forget the "special oriental ingredients" after you pulverize those genuine pearls!!

I’m the latest buzz ingredient, snail mucin. I think it’s slime. Ick!

I'm some of the hottest videos on social media.

I'm the snail mucin. Don't think about me too much

I‘m ESSENTIAL. You will find my name splashed across 3 out of 4 cosmetic products.

Skin appears 95% brighter in three weeks!. What the fuck is brighter?

I’m CBD. I’ll find my way into hair products somehow …. because I am magical. I cure cancer, asthma, diabetes, psychosis, eczema, arthritis. Surely I can slay dandruff.

[quote] Biotin will make your fingernails grow like mad, that's for sure

You know what’s making my nails super strong and growing like mad? Semaglutide. I take it once a week it’s the generic form of Ozempic that I get from a compounding pharmacy through my doctor. It’s funny how different people are from each other with regard to drugs. Some people say Semaglutide gives them diarrhea and makes their hair fall out. My hair is fine. I get constipation from it, not diarrhea, so I use Miralax.

When I told my doctor semaglutide made my fingernails regress back to my teen years, she thought I was crazy. But it’s true. Instead of filing my nails because they’re splitting all the time, I’m filing them because they’re growing too long. Finally, a good drug side effect.

[quote] I will pine for that one product that was discontinued to my dying day

I mourn 2 Clinique products. Stop Signs hand cream and Color Rub liquid blush. I mourn 1 Estée Lauder product which was Diminish retinol cream in a big green dispenser.

And I will always mourn Neutrogena Instant Nail Enhancer

[quote] I'm the 20K deep plane facelift that is a better value than 30 years of expensive lotions and potions.

Tell me more about a 20k facelift when just Botox and restylane cost $3k and only last 5 months.

I'm Adrienne Arpel whose face is a result of using my products.

I’m Brawndo! Okay, technically I’m a sports drink but I’m a liquid and I make a great foundation, a moisturizer, AND a makeup remover!

I'm the lobsters from Maine. I'm used in a startup skincare company that some dumbasses are going to buy. Hopefully I'll be all the rage!

erase-erase

I'm facial exercises

I'm "natural."

I'm the "clean ingredients"....I won't actually do anything to help your skin

I'm the ingredients that are hot for a few years before falling from favor, like charcoal, clay, and Argan oil.

[quote] I'm dermatologist recommended.

Oh you got the good stuff, mine just said, Dermatologist Tested. It didn't say whether the Dermatologist would recommend it or not.

^ 🤣

I'm Mrs. Sylvester Stallone, my skincare will give you botox like results for four EasyPay payments!

I'm the little drawing of a rabbit so you think we don't test on animals....you THINK we don't.

I’m infomercials at 3 AM in 1995.

I’m placenta. I used to be big. Everybody wanted me. Shampoo, conditioner, moisturizer. Then I got replaced by jojoba. Then jojoba got replaced by shea butter. Then she butter got replaced by copper peptides, which were replaced by ceramides …..

I’m full-strength sulfuric acid.

I'm RéVive Skincare’s Moisturizing Renewal Cream

I’m Camay - for your beautiful complexion.

A Princess says so!!

R18, I spit my drink out of my nose when I read your post. Thank you.

R38, don't knock the snail mucin before you try it. My skin is amazing when I use it.

I will penetrate your skin layers...

I’m placenta shampoo

I'm Cher extolling my best friend (who I totally did not meet just five minutes ago) Lori Davis's miraculous hair care products on tv for two hours straight while wearing high end human hair wigs the entire time.

Nancy Kwan is a racist bitch! It's AAPI, not ORIENTAL!!!!

I'm the 100% plastic tube with "30% less plastic". How does that figure?

I'm the oddly specific % of measurable results "most" people saw when using a product, sometimes something believable, like ninety-five, and other times outlandish, like 180.

I love r63 and Princess Luciana's commercials.

"I have a friend who goes to bed with her makeup on. I think that's TERRIBLE!"

"I was an UGLY teenager..."

I’m the smoothest, silkiest hair Rula Lenska has ever had after using Alberto VO5 hot oil treatment. And Alberto VO5 Miral 80 hairspray keeps Rula’s hair in place for 14 hours in London weather!

[quote] Then she butter got replaced by copper peptides, which were replaced by ceramides …..

You left out coconut oil

But Chisa needs it only on the ends!

I'm HY A LU RONIC acid.

I will plump your skin.

Hyaluronic acid dried the fuck out of my face

I'm the fine lines and wrinkles that are visibly reduced.

I’m homeopathic acne treatments.

You might as well rub your own urine into your zits - at least you’ll save money.

I'm the patented peptide bond that is specially formulated to erase fine lines and wrinkles.

My snatch is super tight now that I use this collagen cream

I am Trentonin . Insurance usually covers me. The cosmetic companies hate me. I am far cheaper than any OTC "anti-aging" cream. I smooth skin texture, fade discoloration, eliminate wrinkles and make the skin produce more collagen.