The Greatest Story Ever Told (1965)

Awful- just awful. One big long flat dragging bore.

The biblical epics were pretty much boring. I'm not ashamed to admit that I liked the Jesus of Nazareth mini series, though. Don't know if I'd like it now. We need a hot Jesus move. Ha, ha, ha.

Matt Bomer as Jesus. Grows his hair or wears a wig, Those eyes could hypnotize the fish to jump out of the sea, onto the beach and feed everyone!

Too much wine, beddy-buy time.

[quote] Matt Bomer as Jesus.

Another white Jesus? We need a historically-accurate representation of Jesus. Thus, a film set in first century Judea with an invisible man.

Half an hour in. In spite of using more orange pan cake and smudged black eyeliner than a pantomime performance of Aladdin, it’s quite staid.

Charlton Heston is big, without ever going OTT. That's why he was always cast in these things. I can’t quite say the same for Jose Ferrer. Donald Pleasance is very good as the Lucifer.

R5 I was brought up years ago and the pictures of Jesus were of a handsome, white man with long hair. Maybe it was a fairy tale but young impressions last. That's not to say it was accurate. It doesn't matter what he looked like anyway, he seemed to be a cool dude. If he even existed, who knows? I liked most of his philosophy, it resonated.

The order came down - NO BLONDES IN THIS MOVIE!

Little James the teenage disciple is such a wimp.

Charlton Heston has heavily muscled pecs for someone who spends all his time baptising people in the Jordan and shouting at Roman centurions.

I can’t help but feel that modern audiences would denounce John for slut-shaming Herod and Herod’s sister in law.

Absolute garbage. More like “The Worst Story Ever Told “

I prefer Troy McClure in “The Greatest Story Ever Hula’d”

Watch Rolling Thunder on Netflix. Dylan never sounded better than church.

Sal Mineo is at the height his cuteness.

Shelley Winters is at the height of her hamminess. Thank God.

The best sequence is when Lazarus is raised from the dead.

[quote] It doesn't matter what he looked like anyway, he seemed to be a cool dude. If he even existed, who knows? I liked most of his philosophy, it resonated.

Thoughtfulness, compassion and good manners. I can’t argue with the bulk of his teachings. A shame so many of his followers forget the beauty and simplicity of his message.

R15 - You know the woman is bad cos she wears red whereas everyone else favors whites and browns.

[quote] Charlton Heston has heavily muscled pecs for someone who spends all his time baptising people in the Jordan and shouting at Roman centurions.

He was also a carpenter. Construction workers are hot.

I thought the GSET was the lie of 9/11?

A biblical epic with John Wayne, Shelley Winters and Ed Wynn should have its casting director shot. How did Liz not get Mary? Didn't this ruin George Stevens career and The Only Game in Town finish it off?

Did no one wonder why Jesus had a Swedish accent?

This was the beginning of the REALLY slow reverential Biblical movies.

The previous ones like King of Kings and The Ten Commandments at least had action parts, and the first half of King of Kings is actually not bad.

But Greatest Story is SO fucking sincere and SO reverend and SO painstakingly slow and SO tedious, it's unbearable to watch.

The miniseries Jesus of Nazareth is the same.

Bible stories need to be trashy and over-the-top, like a prime time 1980s soap opera.

R22 Jesus also didn't speak English.

R23 Thank you, Cecil B. DeMille.

R21 A casting director didn't cast those people.

Greatest Story Ever Told? Meh, I've heard better. Anyone see "Usual Suspects" or "Memento"?

Dorothy McGuire played the Virgin Mary in the film - she was close to 50.

That’s how we know her pregnancy was a miracle

R29, No, see...she was playing a character.

It isn't terrible, but it is so, so boring.

Remember when George Stevens had a sense of humor?

Angela Lansbury was Pontius Pilate’s wife. She barely had any lines and was shot in the shadows; she was portrayed as the power behind the throne.

Is Bette Davis in it?

[quote] Is Bette Davis in it?

I don’t recall, but Lucille played the Whore of Babylon in a deleted scene about the Book of Revelations. Too accurate they sait.

Pasolini cast a working class Spanish twink (and communist) with a unibrow to play Jesus. He was hot IMO.

If you have an attention span and are open to subtitles, here's the full movie. Of course you could make an effort and find an excellent DVD quality.

That’s no twink, R36.

He's 18 or 19 in this movie.