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When People Negate Your Enjoyment

I went to the bank today for work (it has been a grueling week) and the teller said that she was looking forward to the end of the day as well. I said, "Yeah, that glass of wine when I get home is going to taste soooo good," she said, "Oh, I don't drink." So? Bitch, go open a Fresca, I don't care! Or when you tell someone you enjoyed a plate of oysters and their response is, "Oysters are the phlegm of the sea." Why do people react like that? I don't expect instant validation but it's irksome when someone answers your stated enjoyment of something with how they don't like it.

by Anonymousreply 69November 22, 2023 10:16 PM

Wine... oysters... humble-bragging.

by Anonymousreply 1November 17, 2023 9:01 PM

I don’t post rants, OP. I’ve never understood those who do…

by Anonymousreply 2November 17, 2023 9:02 PM

They still make Fresca???

by Anonymousreply 3November 17, 2023 9:05 PM

This place is full of such real world problems.

OP what a terrible ordeal. When people say something like that to me I feel triggered, There should be a law against people saying things that trigger others.

Did you mention her to management before you left the bank?

by Anonymousreply 4November 17, 2023 9:07 PM

[Quote] Oh, I don't drink." This is MY KIND OF REPLY!

by Anonymousreply 5November 17, 2023 9:08 PM

I would have slapped the Fresca killjoy quite viciously before AND after speaking to her manager.

by Anonymousreply 6November 17, 2023 9:08 PM

As my grandmother used to say, "Never tell the world your troubles, half don't care and the other half are glad you have them"

by Anonymousreply 7November 17, 2023 9:13 PM

This is how I respond

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 8November 17, 2023 9:15 PM

I agree with you, OP. It's self-centeredness and a lack of empathy. There's nothing wrong with NOT enjoying wine or oysters, but a person should be able to recognize that others do, and draw a mental parallel with something they DO enjoy. It stops a potential pleasant conversation dead in its tracks.

by Anonymousreply 9November 17, 2023 9:18 PM

They do still make Fresca, and Squirt, too, which is superior but hard to find.

by Anonymousreply 10November 17, 2023 9:18 PM

Perhaps she wasn't trying to kill your joy, OP, but rather trying to relay that she wouldn't know how good wine tastes after the end of Friday so she can't relate.

by Anonymousreply 11November 17, 2023 9:18 PM

Oooohhh, OP, I HATE that. And seems to happen to me all the time.

Early this year as I was taking down the Christmas yard decorations and putting up the Mardi Gras decorations, a mostly-church friend of my Dad's dropped by unexpectedly.

We greeted each other, and I joked, "I'm getting an early start on Mardi Gras; you wanna help?"

Without breaking his stride he curled his lip: "We do NOT believe in Mardi Gras; it's of the Devil."

Inside I'm like, Bitch I'm just being respectful and welcoming; you can miss me with that fundy shit. But I just pointed and told him he'd find Dad in the house.

Fucker. How that aspie dude is a pediatric doctor I'll never understand.

by Anonymousreply 12November 17, 2023 9:23 PM

I make my own joy As you may know, I am a licensed joyologist. I’m qualified and justified!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 13November 17, 2023 9:24 PM

[quote]It's self-centeredness and a lack of empathy.

And tell me about a plate of oysters/bottle of wine YOU enjoyed WITHOUT me ISN'T? As for empathy, forgive me for not sharing the "nom-nom" feelings you had while enjoying said plate of oysters/bottle of wine WITHOUT ME.

Barbara, please.

by Anonymousreply 14November 17, 2023 9:24 PM

Yes the lack of empathy how sad

You just wanted to share your joyful weekend plans with someone who is a non drinker and does not give a fuck about your wine and the absolute joy it brings you.

It starts like this then

Next week you, want to mention to her that you are looking toward a little weekend butt fucking with the gang, Don’t be surprised if the killjoy rains on that comment as well.

I’d suggest looking into a different bank. One more open to hearing about your recreational plans.

by Anonymousreply 15November 17, 2023 9:26 PM

I’ve got the joy joy joy joy down in my ❤️

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 16November 17, 2023 9:30 PM

People do this all the time here on Datalounge…

by Anonymousreply 17November 17, 2023 9:32 PM

I don't share my plans with clerks or service providers.


But if you want to talk about drinking wine and eating oysters with strangers in a population where 90% of people are stupid shits, at least you have company and your observations are justified further.

by Anonymousreply 18November 17, 2023 9:33 PM

Lucy already was sloshed on wine and wanted to order two dozen oysters, but Gary talked her out of it.

by Anonymousreply 19November 17, 2023 9:34 PM

OP, I agree. The gauche teller should have said something along the lines of, "sounds lovely--do you have a favorite wine?"

Some people just are killjoys, contrarians, call it what yoy will. As soon as I get a hint of that from someone, I steer clear.

by Anonymousreply 20November 17, 2023 9:36 PM

You people have to be kidding. There's a difference between oversharing and human-to-human connection.

by Anonymousreply 21November 17, 2023 9:37 PM

R11, it's not about the wine. It's about OP's expression of relief that the day is over and he can enjoy a glass of wine at home. He could have easily said "read a book" (I WOULDN'T KNOW, I CAN'T READ!) or "cuddle with my cat" (I WOULDN'T KNOW. I'M ALLERGIC TO CATS). Nobody cares if you can't relate specifically; it's obvious it's only an expression of a common feeling that even the teller would recognize if she didn't have to draw attention to herself in this way.

It's like people who always had to drag "Actually, I don't own a television" into any conversation that mentioned TV.

by Anonymousreply 22November 17, 2023 9:38 PM


by Anonymousreply 23November 17, 2023 9:40 PM

My friend was raving about a new restaurant and so we went together for lunch. I did not tell her I thought the food sucked. Obviously she enjoyed this place so I just said “yeah it’s good!” It doesnt hurt to keep your mouth shut or white lie

by Anonymousreply 24November 17, 2023 9:42 PM

Rustin State Bank

Where their motto is

“We are not the kind of bank that just wants your money and to be of service we want to be your friends and hear about your weekend plans”

by Anonymousreply 25November 17, 2023 9:46 PM

R22 - I may be wrong, but my reading of OP that he felt she did it deliberately to negate him. I don't know what tone of voice she used or whether her expression changed to suggest disapproval. She may be obtuse and have poor social skills and blurted out the first thing that occurred to her. Maybe she's on the spectrum. Who knows?

by Anonymousreply 26November 17, 2023 10:05 PM

Not as bad as the people who respond to “Hi, how are you?” with “well, ….”

by Anonymousreply 27November 17, 2023 10:12 PM

Team Teller. I’m also uncomfortable with overbearing, oversharing eldergays.

by Anonymousreply 28November 17, 2023 10:14 PM

Is being negated anything like being triggered? And if not which one is worse? The Z youth of today lives with daily trauma us old folks can only guess at.

by Anonymousreply 29November 17, 2023 10:16 PM

It’s a bad example. Someone who has an issue with alcohol may feel uncomfortable responding in a way that suggests they would also enjoy that.

If you’d said you were looking forward to a glass of milk and a plate of cookies the teller could have responded that she was trying to cut back on cookies, but still in a friendly way. “Oh, a plate of cookies is the LAST thing I need…chuckle chuckle.” You can’t say, “God, I fucking LOVE wine, but if I get another dui I’ll loose my job.”

by Anonymousreply 30November 17, 2023 10:19 PM

Lose my job

by Anonymousreply 31November 17, 2023 10:20 PM

Get her FIRED OP! What the hell kind of customer service experience is that? How dare they hire some sober bitch who can count accurately?

by Anonymousreply 32November 17, 2023 10:21 PM

This is a great thread. Big discussion about human behavior and we still find some time handle Fresca vs. Squirt.

by Anonymousreply 33November 17, 2023 10:22 PM

She had already related to OP that she was also looking forward to the end of the day. She shouldn’t have to also pretend she is excited about his beverage of choice.

- R30

by Anonymousreply 34November 17, 2023 10:23 PM

These killjoys appear a lot here on DL. And I just cannot tell why they post negative shit in an appreciation thread. And it's not just with adults. Even toddlers do it. It's like kindergarden where the four year old bully knocks over other kids' block towers. I guess people (of all ages) want to leave an impression, if not positive then at least negative.

by Anonymousreply 35November 17, 2023 10:26 PM

"It's like people who always had to drag "Actually, I don't own a television" into any conversation that mentioned TV."

When people start talking to me about TV shows and asking if I watch them, it makes sense to explain I don't have a TV in the house. Sorry that offends you, precious one.

by Anonymousreply 36November 17, 2023 10:33 PM

OP, you were both guilty of oversharing. The people behind you in line thought so too.

by Anonymousreply 37November 17, 2023 10:37 PM

R20 take your prissy tastes out of my face. Like I care if you sit n drink yourself until you’re unconscious or that you throw down ocean phlegm. I’m here to move money in your bank accounts not spend the night with you indulging in your addictions and seafood obsessions!

by Anonymousreply 38November 17, 2023 11:19 PM

I reply,

You are confusing banter with debate.

by Anonymousreply 39November 17, 2023 11:24 PM

She yucked OP's yum!

by Anonymousreply 40November 17, 2023 11:49 PM

What annoys me is when I mention I enjoy a certain tv show and someone remarks they don't watch tv or even own a tv. Well smell you. I can't be the only one watching the tv show, in order for it to be on the air hundreds of thousands of people are watching along with me.

by Anonymousreply 41November 17, 2023 11:59 PM

Yeah, r41, I only tell people I don't have one if they ask me if I've seen the shows they like. I'm happy to hear about something they enjoy, however when they ask if I've seen something or tell me I should start watching it, there's no point pretending.

by Anonymousreply 42November 18, 2023 1:01 AM

[quote]The gauche teller should have said something along the lines of, "sounds lovely--do you have a favorite wine?"

Some people just are killjoys, contrarians, call it what yoy will. As soon as I get a hint of that from someone, I steer clear.

The U.S. is filled with people who fucking hate each other yet construct elaborate rituals to feign interest in each other's well-being.

Wouldn't a "Thanks very much" be an easier and still agreeable interaction?

by Anonymousreply 43November 18, 2023 1:09 AM

[quote] —It's not like I point out TV is opium for the masses

These days, opium is opium for the masses.

by Anonymousreply 44November 18, 2023 1:13 AM

The computer generations largely want everyone to be machine-like and not engage with others unless it's something that fulfills an immediate need of their own; but my opinion is that civil exchanges and sharing in the glow of others' little joys or in the sadness of some setback are the circulating invigorating blood of a healthy society. OP is right to feel dismay. People taking advantage of the benefits of society pay their membership by being supportive of others; those who withhold their payment are cheating society (and, emotionally, themselves).

by Anonymousreply 45November 18, 2023 1:33 AM

Silly post

by Anonymousreply 46November 18, 2023 1:36 AM

[quote]I may be wrong, but my reading of OP that he felt she did it deliberately to negate him.


She thinks she’s some kind of dick magnet so anyone suggesting they want to have a drink means OF COURSE they want to have a drink with her so her response was another version of “please stop hitting on me.”

She’s basically a dumb cunt who needs to look in the damn mirror once in a while to get a reality check.

by Anonymousreply 47November 18, 2023 1:48 AM

I would welcome OP’s exchange even if I didn’t drink wine. It makes the world a little less bleak and is sorely needed. I’ve had nice banter with so many people in my lifetime while standing in line or looking at the same item to purchase or some other mundane thing. Rarely if ever has anyone been negative in response.

Just today I was walking my dog and had a nice convo with a park worker. He told me to have a great day as I continued by.

Cheers OP!

by Anonymousreply 48November 18, 2023 1:50 AM

Appropriate response would have been “No offence but I’m looking for someone more on my level, not a simple bank teller.”

by Anonymousreply 49November 18, 2023 1:50 AM

I don't drink

You should.


by Anonymousreply 50November 18, 2023 2:16 AM

Go find a real problem, OP.

by Anonymousreply 51November 18, 2023 4:04 PM

R22, Haha! I was just about to post the "I don't have a TV" bit! My drum teacher said this to me several months ago. I replied, "Well, I'll try not to make any cultural allusions then!"

I think these are just sneaky viewers, though, watching on laptops.

by Anonymousreply 52November 18, 2023 4:21 PM

The teller might simply have replied, "Enjoy!" Or any other brief acknowledgment.

by Anonymousreply 53November 18, 2023 4:23 PM

These people are annoying, OP. They no longer know how to banter or small talk, and they are proud of it. They think they are just "honest" and not "people pleasers", forgetting that they live in a society. Leave these people alone in their self-centered sense of superiority.

by Anonymousreply 54November 18, 2023 5:24 PM

If I were the teller, I would have said, “Go tell someone who gives a fuck!”

by Anonymousreply 55November 18, 2023 5:29 PM


And you think , I don’t drink, is not a reply or is in any way a nasty reply? Only an absolute fruitcake could be triggered or negated, or made upset , by the response that , I don’t drink.

This is not the reaction of a sane adult.

The OP could have said—-have a nice day and leave it at that. Instead he made it about him. The youngsters who post here do not give me optimism as far as the future.

Overly sensitive children

by Anonymousreply 56November 18, 2023 5:30 PM

Meh. You're talking to a total stranger, hoping to get some affirmation ("Wine sounds like a great idea!"). It's a crap shoot. People don't owe you an affirmation. Yes, maybe it's pissy to say, "I don't drink." But so what?

You shot your shot with a random person and didn't get the cozy interaction that you wanted.

Call a supportive friend or self-soothe.

by Anonymousreply 57November 18, 2023 5:30 PM

I don’t have a tv = I can’t afford to buy one

by Anonymousreply 58November 18, 2023 9:46 PM

R56, Re-read the OP.

1.) The bank teller volunteered that she was looking forward to day's end.

2.) Part of a teller's job is to be the "face" of the bank to the public. Courtesy is a rung on that ladder, while an implied "tsk-tsk" is not (yes, a reply of "I don't drink" qualifies).

by Anonymousreply 59November 19, 2023 12:52 AM

R12=stupid frau CUNT

by Anonymousreply 60November 19, 2023 1:05 AM

R59, the OP wrote that the teller said she was looking forward to the end of the day “as well.” Implying that OP had introduced the topic and she had already affirmed him once.

I also avoid talking about alcohol consumption at work. She was at work. He wasn’t. Being “the face” of a bank does not entail talking about how you can’t wait for the day to end so you can tie one on.

by Anonymousreply 61November 19, 2023 1:23 AM

OP is the DLer who also complained about the phony politeness of service workers in the South.

You can’t win with OP.

by Anonymousreply 62November 19, 2023 1:27 AM

OP even wore her second best caftan as she sashayed into the bank and deigned to speak with the little people. That teller should have appreciated the opportunity to bask in her aura of gin and regret.

by Anonymousreply 63November 19, 2023 1:51 AM

I'd argue that it's another symptom of why "evil" is so rampant in the world today.

Evil is the lack of imagination - the inability to conceive of how your actions affect or impact another person and the inability to see the beginning, middle, and end of another person's life. People cannot conceptualize something they have not experienced. They cannot and do not empathize with something which doesn't affect them because they lack the capacity to understand how they would feel if the same thing happened to them.

It's why rethugs like Rob Portman only backed gay marriage AFTER his own son came out. Until then, it didn't affect him, so why would it matter if he fought against it.

And, OP's scenario, it's why the other person would "negate your enjoyment." They do not enjoy it, so lack the imagination to understand how anyone could enjoy wine or oysters. It's awful and that's all they can conceive in their small and limited minds.

by Anonymousreply 64November 19, 2023 2:23 AM


So the OP complains when the workers are friendly , and starts a thread, and then complains when different workers don’t bask in his joy of booze appearing to him as unfriendly, and starts a thread.

The lack of good mental health and the excess love for drama once again leads to another interesting thread made by those with a love for drama and not having a lot of good mental health themselves.

Another young persons DL thread describing how difficult being young today is..

by Anonymousreply 65November 19, 2023 8:57 AM

as my mom and grandma used to always say (and it's true).


by Anonymousreply 66November 19, 2023 10:49 AM

[quote] the phony politeness of service workers in the South.

Only the service workers?

by Anonymousreply 67November 22, 2023 11:43 AM

I always assumed that when service workers were excessively polite and nice to me it was because they wanted to be my friend.

How disappointing to find out that they were told or trained to act this way with customers and it was not because they wanted to be my special friend. Sneaky fucks trying to be fake nice and fake polite while delivering a service.

by Anonymousreply 68November 22, 2023 12:25 PM

Tell em to eat your ass.

by Anonymousreply 69November 22, 2023 10:16 PM
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