I'm Mother's Spode china and Portuguese lace table runner, finally liberated from the sideboard where they wait all year.
Let's be an Eldergay Friendsgiving
|by Anonymous||reply 427||December 7, 2023 6:12 AM|
I'm the subtle eye rolling by everyone when the youngest friend in the group looks at the turkey with disgust and announces he's recently gone vegan.
|by Anonymous||reply 1||November 15, 2023 6:27 PM|
I'm the intense discussion about Barbra's memoir.
|by Anonymous||reply 2||November 15, 2023 6:32 PM|
I'm the Follies cast album (ORIGINAL cast, thank you very much!) on the CD player.
"Yvonne and ONLY Yvonne could do proper justice to I'm Still Here."
|by Anonymous||reply 3||November 15, 2023 6:33 PM|
I'm the shriek of horror when a guest brings canned cranberry sauce.
"Mother always said there is NOTHING more common! GET OUT!"
|by Anonymous||reply 4||November 15, 2023 6:34 PM|
I’m the outrageous radical lesbian who says shit to rile things up like Biden is just as bad as Trump.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||November 15, 2023 6:35 PM|
I'm the indigestion caused by suppressing a fart all evening.
|by Anonymous||reply 6||November 15, 2023 6:36 PM|
I'm the glass of wine dangled between the fingers of an unattractive queen during deep after-dinner discussion.
|by Anonymous||reply 7||November 15, 2023 6:39 PM|
I'm bored and can't wait to get home and do my online Black Friday shopping.
|by Anonymous||reply 8||November 15, 2023 6:40 PM|
I'm the old-school joint smoked outside or on the balcony
|by Anonymous||reply 9||November 15, 2023 6:41 PM|
I'm the queen who lets out a Phyllis Diller-like cackle after declaring "I'm stuffed" as he says no to a second helping of pie.
|by Anonymous||reply 10||November 15, 2023 6:42 PM|
I’m the one of the group who always had a babyface and recently got Botox and now looks like a cross between Neil Patric Harris and a stroke victim.
|by Anonymous||reply 11||November 15, 2023 6:43 PM|
I'm the loneliness, felt even here.
|by Anonymous||reply 12||November 15, 2023 6:46 PM|
"I've never cared for tomato aspic myself, but it was one of Mother's favorites."
|by Anonymous||reply 13||November 15, 2023 6:46 PM|
I am the one who started reading this thread for a chuckle o- only to realize almost everything I remember or treasure is gone -
|by Anonymous||reply 14||November 15, 2023 6:54 PM|
I'm the overbearing guest who insists on playing musical selections from "The Wiz" off his iPod.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||November 15, 2023 7:00 PM|
I'm the unattractive queen with the wine dangling between his fingers who quips "Stephanie Mills always reminded me of a platypus" after R15 fires up his iPod.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||November 15, 2023 7:03 PM|
"Of course Stephanie Mills wasn't going to be in the movie. She was a midget who was uglier than a dog's ass. And yes Diana was too old, but I still think she did a great job."
|by Anonymous||reply 17||November 15, 2023 7:10 PM|
Lawd, AIKC u stumbled back to DL huh?
|by Anonymous||reply 18||November 15, 2023 7:17 PM|
I'm the Marlboro Light Menthol 100 being smoked on the front porch while waiting for the water to boil.
|by Anonymous||reply 19||November 15, 2023 7:18 PM|
I'm Mitzi the poodle all dressed up in my fanciest frock, begging for table scraps which I will end up puking all over Daddy's bedspread in a few hours.
|by Anonymous||reply 20||November 15, 2023 8:11 PM|
I'm r20's partner, hoping he will refrain from imposing the phrase "dog dress" on us for the rest of the evening. But he's on his seventh cranberry and vodka, so who knows.
|by Anonymous||reply 21||November 15, 2023 8:17 PM|
I'm Miss Margo, the elderly cat. I've gone to hide in the bedroom. I'm half-deaf and my kidneys are starting to go. I don't like loud strangers.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||November 15, 2023 8:21 PM|
"nice girls don't wear cha-cha heels" says the eldest of the eldergays
|by Anonymous||reply 23||November 15, 2023 8:23 PM|
I’m the precious Scarlett O’Hara Madame Alexander figurine (I’m NOT a doll, Marcus!) tucked away safely in the locked armoire to keep me safe from Marcus’ drunken impression of Mammy after his fifth Screwdriver..
|by Anonymous||reply 24||November 15, 2023 8:28 PM|
I'm the gin
and the regret
|by Anonymous||reply 25||November 15, 2023 8:29 PM|
I'm the oft-repeated canard, "Oh, a little seltzer gets red wine stains right out."
And the host's response, "Oh, Jeffrey, [italic]really?[/italic] Does that work for handwoven New Zealand white wool berber rugs too? Or just on the Walmart-type polyester kind you have?"
|by Anonymous||reply 26||November 15, 2023 8:37 PM|
I'm the 3 back-to-back football games starting at 12:30p and airing on 3 major networks.
No one is aware that I exist.
|by Anonymous||reply 27||November 15, 2023 8:40 PM|
R27 😂 😆
|by Anonymous||reply 28||November 15, 2023 8:42 PM|
I'm "the Davids" from the "Let's be a Datalounge Eldergay's Birthday Party" thread.
We have not been invited this year, for reasons that should apparently be well known to us, but which we are chalking up to jealousy over our caftans.
|by Anonymous||reply 29||November 15, 2023 8:51 PM|
I'm the Token Negro.
|by Anonymous||reply 30||November 15, 2023 8:53 PM|
I am the piano that except Brad’s tipsy wistful rendition of “The Entertainer” - heavy on pedal - No one knows how to play ….. Remember when we used to all sing? …..
|by Anonymous||reply 31||November 15, 2023 8:57 PM|
R30 Fuck off you racist cunt.
|by Anonymous||reply 32||November 15, 2023 8:58 PM|
Let’s not and say we did. The holidays are for celebrating not congregating.
|by Anonymous||reply 33||November 15, 2023 9:06 PM|
I'm the strategically placed sex toys near the sofa hoping to get the ball rolling.
|by Anonymous||reply 34||November 15, 2023 9:09 PM|
I'm the name-dropping entertainment lawyer who never shuts up.
|by Anonymous||reply 35||November 15, 2023 9:12 PM|
I’m the twink boyfriend, dragged to dinner by my rich sugar daddy.
|by Anonymous||reply 36||November 15, 2023 9:24 PM|
I'm the bombastic, older partner of a young gayling who regales us with tales of their recent trip to the Middle East. Large gestures, booming voice, and a total conversation hog. Someone please kill him!
|by Anonymous||reply 37||November 15, 2023 9:28 PM|
In real life, I know someone like the elder r37 describes. Only he doesn't have a gayling in tow. Not only does he have a booming voice and grandiose gestures, he insists on playing videos on his phone at full volume while he's out in restaurants. I stopped going out with this friend group when said elder is invited.
|by Anonymous||reply 38||November 15, 2023 9:33 PM|
I'm the ubiquitous framed vintage movie poster in the hallway.
|by Anonymous||reply 39||November 15, 2023 9:35 PM|
I'm the streak of pooh remains in the toilet.
|by Anonymous||reply 40||November 15, 2023 9:35 PM|
I’m the multiple references to Linda Lavin.
|by Anonymous||reply 41||November 15, 2023 9:39 PM|
I'm me serving up my beautiful lasagne as is customary at holidays in my Italian-American family only to have the younger date or straggler one of my guests brought along exclaim "Lasagna for Thanksgiving??".
|by Anonymous||reply 42||November 15, 2023 9:43 PM|
I'm the closet Datalounger who is responsible for much of R14
|by Anonymous||reply 43||November 15, 2023 9:48 PM|
^ *meant R41
|by Anonymous||reply 44||November 15, 2023 9:49 PM|
R41, r14, I condole you
|by Anonymous||reply 45||November 15, 2023 10:08 PM|
I'm the host's uninvited gay male roommate who deliberately saunters completely nude from the bedroom to the bathroom so the guests can get a glimpse.
|by Anonymous||reply 46||November 15, 2023 10:14 PM|
I'm the host, noticing that R14 is getting maudlin, and springing up to put on "The Immaculate Collection," followed by a few sharp claps and the announcement: "Now who wants to dance?"
|by Anonymous||reply 47||November 15, 2023 10:17 PM|
[quote]I'm the host's uninvited gay male roommate
I'm the rest of the guests, wondering why someone wouldn't invite his roommate to share Thanksgiving dinner with the group. Bitch must have done something unforgivable.
|by Anonymous||reply 48||November 15, 2023 10:19 PM|
I'm the rewatch of Auntie Mame. Again.
|by Anonymous||reply 49||November 15, 2023 10:28 PM|
I'm the pouting.
|by Anonymous||reply 50||November 15, 2023 10:29 PM|
I'm the gin and regret.
|by Anonymous||reply 51||November 15, 2023 10:35 PM|
I'm the disappearance of the young lasagna-hating, vegan straggler into the roommate's bedroom.
|by Anonymous||reply 52||November 15, 2023 10:38 PM|
Op you don’t have to pretend. Neither do most of the people replying as this their reality.
|by Anonymous||reply 53||November 15, 2023 10:54 PM|
I'm the text in the group thread 30 mins into the event:
"Hey guys, my boyfriend just got back in town tonight and he's not feeling well. I don't think we're going to make it tonight, sorry =/"
|by Anonymous||reply 54||November 15, 2023 11:05 PM|
Lame thread when this is your life. Boo.
|by Anonymous||reply 55||November 15, 2023 11:08 PM|
R36 or just someone he is casually seeing at the time who chooses to come to finally live their truth and really learn what this culture is like.
|by Anonymous||reply 56||November 15, 2023 11:13 PM|
I'm the lesbian neighbor smirking as she passes one of the guests in the vestibule as he heads out for a quick smoke. "Celebrating Indigenous People's Day? I'm sure you are. No way a marginalized group is celebrating colonizers today. Enjoy your dead bird!"
|by Anonymous||reply 57||November 15, 2023 11:46 PM|
I’m the hostess apron.
|by Anonymous||reply 58||November 15, 2023 11:53 PM|
I've known lesbians exactly as r57 describes. They all need a punch in the cunt.
|by Anonymous||reply 59||November 15, 2023 11:59 PM|
I'm two old friends and long-ago fuckbuddies sitting on the sofa after dinner, catching up . The horrifying realization dawns on them both separately, slowly: They're talking about who's died, who's sick, who had orthopedic surgery. They sound like their own grandparents.
|by Anonymous||reply 60||November 16, 2023 12:00 AM|
R57 That was last month, no?
I assume lesbians would know that.
|by Anonymous||reply 61||November 16, 2023 12:00 AM|
The day after Thanksgiving is Native American Heritage Day, R61. The dyke probably just got confused, but if asked, she would no doubt say that every day is Indigenous People's Day when you're living on stolen land.
|by Anonymous||reply 62||November 16, 2023 12:04 AM|
We're Kim and Kristie, regaling the other guests with tales of the latest happenings down at the animal shelter.
|by Anonymous||reply 63||November 16, 2023 12:04 AM|
I'm the unmistakable smell of vodka coming from Paul's direction as he mentions he got his 10 year chip last week and shakily sips an orange juice.
|by Anonymous||reply 64||November 16, 2023 12:08 AM|
I'm the mystery odor everyone's been smelling all evening which turns out to be dog shit on the bottom of someone's shoe and tracked throughout the house.
|by Anonymous||reply 65||November 16, 2023 1:09 AM|
|by Anonymous||reply 66||November 16, 2023 1:46 AM|
I'm the "it's turkey lurkey time" video that is reenacted
|by Anonymous||reply 67||November 16, 2023 3:50 AM|
I'm Wilma Mankiller, protesting on the sidewalk.
|by Anonymous||reply 68||November 16, 2023 5:17 AM|
I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard at a thread on DL
|by Anonymous||reply 69||November 16, 2023 5:37 AM|
I’m the Carol Channing corn jokes.
|by Anonymous||reply 70||November 16, 2023 12:08 PM|
I'm the free-range, heritage-breed, no-GMO, no-antibiotic turkey from a local farm. I was bought at Whole Foods for $4.99 a pound, but it's worth it to splurge sometimes on something really special when the boys get together, as the host informs the guests when he serves me.
I am stringy and bone dry.
"Well, you can certainly taste the 'organic' in this turkey!" Michael opines. "You'd never confuse it for one of those big, juicy supermarket Butterballs."
|by Anonymous||reply 71||November 16, 2023 1:48 PM|
I'm the lube, I mean, gravy
|by Anonymous||reply 72||November 16, 2023 1:57 PM|
I'm the hold-hands-and-listen-to-a-rambling-prayer moment. Nobody really enjoys this banal ritual, but the host is a holier-than-thou eldergay Chinese man hosting the Friendsgiving in his apartment, big enough for six, but holding thirty "family of choice" members.
Most of the attendees would rather be anywhere else, but they fear what the attendees would say about them if they weren't there.
|by Anonymous||reply 73||November 16, 2023 2:27 PM|
that sounds super unfamiliar to this eldergay
|by Anonymous||reply 74||November 16, 2023 2:28 PM|
I'm the toast. "To absent friends. You're still with us in spirit."
I'm the moment of silence as every attendee's memory flashes to the eternally young face of someone they once cared about.
I'm the host's forced merriment as he interrupts his own reverie to say, "Let's eat, everyone, before it gets cold!"
|by Anonymous||reply 75||November 16, 2023 2:33 PM|
I’m the gin
and the sorrow
|by Anonymous||reply 76||November 16, 2023 2:37 PM|
That's called "residoodoo," r40.
|by Anonymous||reply 77||November 16, 2023 2:40 PM|
I’m the group’s hourly checking in on “the Davids” instagram feed, watching their bitter, drunken antics grow more and more bizarre.
At the last check-in, it was a duet of “Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better.”
….both were wrong.
|by Anonymous||reply 78||November 16, 2023 3:03 PM|
|by Anonymous||reply 79||November 16, 2023 3:07 PM|
[quote] I'm the indigestion caused by suppressing a fart all evening.
This is an *eldergay* Friendsgiving. No farts are being suppressed.
|by Anonymous||reply 80||November 16, 2023 3:46 PM|
I'm the loving atmosphere that comes of seeing friends sitting around the table, still in good health and doing okay financially. Sorry, that's all I got.
|by Anonymous||reply 81||November 16, 2023 4:10 PM|
I'm the T-day potluck, with cheapskates bringing church basement-type offerings like orange Jello*with carrot shreds and Rice Krispie treats.
|by Anonymous||reply 82||November 16, 2023 5:34 PM|
I'm the laughter, the inside jokes, the camaraderie, and the simple pleasures of preparing and eating a good meal together. Also the quiet gratitude that we're all still around to share quality time with each other even if it's not that often anymore.
|by Anonymous||reply 83||November 16, 2023 6:22 PM|
I'm the nephew, Joel.
|by Anonymous||reply 84||November 16, 2023 6:31 PM|
I’m the colorful and festive variety of tattersall shirts and matching sweaters.
|by Anonymous||reply 85||November 16, 2023 6:37 PM|
I'm the three large pies, a cheesecake, and two half-gallons of Häagen-Dazs ice cream. When I am served, every guest insists in turn that they will have "just a tiny sliver of pie, really -- no, even tinier than that, please" and "the teensiest scoop of the Dulce de Leche ice cream."
Yet within an hour nothing remains of me but crumbs and two empty tubs.
|by Anonymous||reply 86||November 16, 2023 7:24 PM|
I'm the brie en croute and chocolate tart that the broke gay guest brought. The well-heeled straight guest brought nothing but her humongus appetite and her annoying laugh. Both will go home with boxes of food but the straight pig is getting disinvited next year if I have anything to say about it.
|by Anonymous||reply 87||November 16, 2023 7:44 PM|
I'm the silent tears and sobs in the bathroom from the host. No one complimented his glittered pinecone display that he spent four hours making.
He's also drunk.
|by Anonymous||reply 88||November 16, 2023 7:46 PM|
Geez, this thread is so depressing.
|by Anonymous||reply 89||November 16, 2023 8:31 PM|
I’m mother’s crystal sherry glasses elegantly arranged on a silver tray.
|by Anonymous||reply 90||November 16, 2023 8:38 PM|
I am the sour mood of Mike who has to prep for a colonoscopy the week after and cannot eat anything with fibers.
|by Anonymous||reply 91||November 16, 2023 8:45 PM|
I'm the guest who brings a couple of empty containers so I can snag some leftovers for the delicious leftover-turkey sandwich I'll make the next day (which is usually better than the rest of the actual meal). Hosts are happy to oblige because they can offload some extra food and they don't have to kiss their LockNLock containers goodbye.
|by Anonymous||reply 92||November 16, 2023 9:07 PM|
I am the glucose monitors on several guests all alarming in quick succession 20 minutes after the sweet potato and marshmallow casserole is served..
|by Anonymous||reply 93||November 16, 2023 9:15 PM|
I'm the Christmas vests already being pulled out of the mothballs.
|by Anonymous||reply 94||November 16, 2023 9:36 PM|
I’m the back-handed compliments about the pie crust consistency. I lead to a months long estrangement.
|by Anonymous||reply 95||November 17, 2023 12:09 AM|
I’m somebody’s 33-year-old twunk partner, recently usurped by the twink mentioned upthread. I used to be the youngest at these things.
I’m mostly checking my phone, occasionally looking up to try and steer the Barbra memoir convo to Britney’s book.
|by Anonymous||reply 96||November 17, 2023 12:20 AM|
I'm Todd's annual recitation of the Gloria Upson/Bunny Bixler ping pong ball incident from Auntie Mame. Complete with arm gestures.
|by Anonymous||reply 97||November 17, 2023 12:31 AM|
I’m the one Lucy fan who gets into a heated argument with Lansbury and Russell fans as the “Mame” shenanigans continue.
|by Anonymous||reply 98||November 17, 2023 12:33 AM|
I'm Turkey Lurkey Time on a karaoke loop.
|by Anonymous||reply 99||November 17, 2023 12:40 AM|
I’m the dance line-up
|by Anonymous||reply 100||November 17, 2023 3:23 AM|
[quote] I’m mother’s crystal sherry glasses elegantly arranged on a silver tray.
I’m the tongue lashing the young guest receives when he picks up a glass without asking. They’re for display only.
|by Anonymous||reply 101||November 17, 2023 3:28 AM|
I'm the request for sparkling water that ends with the host coming from the kitchen with a can and yelling, "LACROIX, SWEETIE, LACROIX!"
Everyone roars except for the 33-year-old and the twunk.
|by Anonymous||reply 102||November 17, 2023 3:59 AM|
I'm Brad. I arrive bearing one, maybe two, bottles of wine (under $10 per bottle, each, probably from Trader Joe's). My glass, however, is filled with the Malbec that Brian brought.
Brad, again. I'm starving. Haven't eaten ALL day. I'm at the buffet table, getting first crack at everything. (My wine glass is in a safe spot while I load up my plate.)
|by Anonymous||reply 103||November 17, 2023 4:14 AM|
I'm the freshly polished and dusted main decorative showstopper in the cramped salon: the Maison Jansen brass AND chrome chinoiserie etagère loaded with earth-toned Jugendstil majolica. Several guests sit idly pondering how this affair might be less uneasy making. If only the etagere wasn't two-toned? Swap the dingy majolica for mid-century Bitossi? Greasefire?
|by Anonymous||reply 104||November 17, 2023 4:37 AM|
I'm the quick exit at the end of the meal when the host discovers the dishwasher is not working and ask for help in hand washing all the dishes and utensils.
|by Anonymous||reply 105||November 17, 2023 5:07 AM|
I’m the Royal Doulton with the hand-painted periwinkles.
|by Anonymous||reply 106||November 17, 2023 5:32 AM|
I’m the embarrassment and gagging from the gays when Beth and Tank recognise the turkey baster as the same one they borrowed for their failed insemination attempt.
|by Anonymous||reply 107||November 17, 2023 6:09 AM|
I am the realization that each of the attendees posts snarky shit on Datalounge .
|by Anonymous||reply 108||November 17, 2023 7:22 AM|
|by Anonymous||reply 109||November 17, 2023 12:45 PM|
I'm the moist-eyed toast to friends and lovers who died of AIDS 30 to 40 years ago.
|by Anonymous||reply 110||November 17, 2023 12:49 PM|
I'm the moist-ass hot appetizers that one friend insisted upon bringing and hogging the oven with
|by Anonymous||reply 111||November 17, 2023 1:35 PM|
I'm the loud moaning coming from the roommate's room as he gets his own turkey stuffed by that horndog Brad
|by Anonymous||reply 112||November 17, 2023 2:19 PM|
I'm the guest rearranging tchotchkes on the sly.
|by Anonymous||reply 113||November 17, 2023 2:56 PM|
I’m rival queens hissing at each other with their eyes.
|by Anonymous||reply 114||November 17, 2023 3:17 PM|
I'm the long gone gay be these friends spent the 1980s in. They all wish they could go back for a twirl one more time.
|by Anonymous||reply 115||November 17, 2023 3:26 PM|
long gone gay bar
|by Anonymous||reply 116||November 17, 2023 3:26 PM|
I'm the conspiracy theories about the Covid vaccines causing people to drop dead that everyone starts talking about after a few sippy poos.
|by Anonymous||reply 117||November 17, 2023 3:27 PM|
I'm the Datalounger who intones "I have sufficient" after being offered seconds. He's disheartened to discover that no one else understands the reference.
|by Anonymous||reply 118||November 17, 2023 3:51 PM|
I’m the Frasier and Niles-esque snickering that occurs when one guest insists cranberry sauce should be in the shape of the can.
|by Anonymous||reply 119||November 17, 2023 4:13 PM|
I'm the jeering laughter when the group prisspot accidentally lets out a fart after his third cocktail.
|by Anonymous||reply 120||November 17, 2023 5:32 PM|
I’m the pretentious queen prancing around in my velvet Versace loafers.
|by Anonymous||reply 121||November 17, 2023 6:12 PM|
I'm the ham-handed fumble two of the old friends have in the pantry which results in careless whispers
|by Anonymous||reply 122||November 17, 2023 9:56 PM|
Sex in the cities
|by Anonymous||reply 123||November 18, 2023 1:53 AM|
r112, My coat is on that bed!
|by Anonymous||reply 124||November 18, 2023 2:15 AM|
I'm Jack. Wine is flowing all around the house, more wine than anyone can imagine, glasses tinkling, everyone getting into the Thanksgiving spirit. I hate wine. My consternation that the hosts haven't opened their bar and they don't even have any Coca-Cola is growing by the minute. Knowing it's gonna be ice water for me all afternoon is likely to darken the festivities considerably.
|by Anonymous||reply 125||November 18, 2023 2:26 AM|
I'm the next door neighbor who calls the police once the Ethel Merman routine begins in the outdoor hot tub at 1 in the morning.
|by Anonymous||reply 126||November 18, 2023 2:52 AM|
I'm the gram of coke, snuck in by two of the guests who take it in turns to have a sneaky line between courses because this dinner is so DULL.
|by Anonymous||reply 127||November 18, 2023 3:09 AM|
I’m the old queen who used to do drag. My persona comes out more and more with each drink in the form of very loud, but forced, bitchy quips. I cause a lot of eye-rolling.
|by Anonymous||reply 128||November 18, 2023 3:18 AM|
I’m the host’s unstable ex who stumbles in to drop off his keys late in the evening, causing a bitter stir like Betty Lynn in ANOTHER WOMAN.
Everyone’s terribly uncomfortable.
|by Anonymous||reply 129||November 18, 2023 3:23 AM|
I'm the gag rat the host serves up to his queeniest guest, a la Bette to Joan in Baby Jane. No one under 50 gets the joke.
|by Anonymous||reply 130||November 18, 2023 3:25 AM|
I'm Connie Green Bean Casserole.
|by Anonymous||reply 131||November 18, 2023 3:28 AM|
I’m the twunk getting humped by Brad on the kitchen counter. I delay serving dessert by about twenty minutes, but those seated in the dining room seem to enjoy the noise.
|by Anonymous||reply 132||November 18, 2023 3:32 AM|
I'm the reference to Greg's prunes. No one under 60 gets the joke.
|by Anonymous||reply 133||November 18, 2023 3:32 AM|
R130 I’m the rubber worms put in the leftover turkey sandwich the next day, referencing the Redgrave remake. Not even the recipient gets that joke.
|by Anonymous||reply 134||November 18, 2023 3:35 AM|
I'm the days and weeks spent agonising over table displays, centre pieces and other frivolities, contrasted by the few hours given to what food to defrost and serve.
|by Anonymous||reply 135||November 18, 2023 3:36 AM|
I'm Sheldon (or "Shel," for short). I'm the drama queen of the group. People take turns listening to me talk about my latest family and work dramas. Pete's the only one in the group who rolls his eyes right in my face. I avoid Pete until I've fully vented my frustrations to everyone else at this Friendsgiving.
|by Anonymous||reply 136||November 18, 2023 3:40 AM|
I’m Chuck finding a wire hanger in the coat closet. Everyone sighs, knowing what is to come.
|by Anonymous||reply 137||November 18, 2023 3:46 AM|
I'm the last minute cancellations from invitees when they hear Chuck is on the guest list.
|by Anonymous||reply 138||November 18, 2023 3:51 AM|
I'm the 4 in a group of 1s and 2s. I'm so getting laid tonight!
|by Anonymous||reply 139||November 18, 2023 3:55 AM|
I'm the half-arsed, ill-informed political debate. "Israel should so let Darfur Orphan back in to Palestine"
|by Anonymous||reply 140||November 18, 2023 4:01 AM|
I’m Jeffrey’s complete lack of willpower when it comes to seconds and thirds. He blames the host for his ever spreading figure.
“You’re the one who turned me into this…POTATO that you see before us!”
|by Anonymous||reply 141||November 18, 2023 4:04 AM|
I show up with booze and get drunk, stay drunk and leave drunk. I take an Uber home but won’t come back for my car until after December 2nd.
|by Anonymous||reply 142||November 18, 2023 4:08 AM|
I'm the inevitable disintegration of the group post dessert. The elder eldergays retreat to the 'lounge' to watch I Love Lucy on betamax. The middling elders hang out in the kitchen discussing the Royal Family.
Those under 45 try their damnedest to get a wifi signal so they can uber the fuck outta there.
|by Anonymous||reply 143||November 18, 2023 4:10 AM|
I'm the eldergay who keeps slipping out to the porch for a Parliament.
I miss the days when everyone smoked and the smokers had their own party within a party.
|by Anonymous||reply 144||November 18, 2023 4:11 AM|
I’m the hasty reintegration of the group when Brian calls out for all to hear that “The Davids” have uploaded a sex tape to PornHub.
|by Anonymous||reply 145||November 18, 2023 4:15 AM|
I'm the snarky asides at the elder host's lack of libido.
"So, you stuffed it yourself?" (turkey)
"Is it usually this soft" (mashed potato)
|by Anonymous||reply 146||November 18, 2023 4:15 AM|
I'm the host's elderly pug dog, "Jazz," short for Jasmine. I've been mingling with guests, accepting handouts. I'll probably vomit, at some point, on one of the Oriental carpets.
|by Anonymous||reply 147||November 18, 2023 4:16 AM|
I actually wish I had an eldergay thanksgiving to go to. So many of my friends have moved away, dropped dead or are traveling.
I got a halfhearted text invitation today from my brother wanting to know if I’m “coming or not?” This is the first I’ve heard of a family (three of us) Thanksgiving dinner and actually it is the first time I’ve heard from since Easter.
The dinner is going to be take-out from one of those smoked BBQ joints.
|by Anonymous||reply 148||November 18, 2023 4:21 AM|
I’m the nude roommate calling out “I have NOT had sufficient,” prompting the twink and the twunk to collide in a race to the bedroom door.
|by Anonymous||reply 149||November 18, 2023 4:27 AM|
I'm the one toilet in the whole house.
Guests can't avoid the sight of a cobwebbed douche, hemorrhoid ointment, denture adhesive.
|by Anonymous||reply 150||November 18, 2023 4:31 AM|
I’m Chuck giving Tony the Heimlich manoeuvre.
Neither stops after the bit of turkey’s been hacked up.
|by Anonymous||reply 151||November 18, 2023 4:48 AM|
I'm the fiesta ware. This year I remain safely in storage after a near fatal incident last year involving a sunset orange bowl being used in a bukkake scenario.
|by Anonymous||reply 152||November 18, 2023 5:21 AM|
I’m the host angrily wanting to know who shoved a buttplug into the turkey’s cavity.
Nobody’s confessing, everybody’s giggling.
|by Anonymous||reply 153||November 18, 2023 6:47 AM|
I'm Mary Tyler Moore. Yes, I know I'm long dead. But dammit I feel alive, for two brief hours, as these aging, balding gays talk about the good ol' days with a little sadness, a little laughter, and a helluva lot of pluck.
|by Anonymous||reply 154||November 18, 2023 7:18 AM|
I’m the “fashionably late” arrival of Dwight and Algernon, whose uncanny resemblance to Mitch and Cam makes everyone lose their appetite.
|by Anonymous||reply 155||November 18, 2023 8:36 AM|
I'm a pair of the roommate's worn briefs that once of the party guests steals from the laundry pamper. No chance I got these mixed up with the hosts as they're 4 times smaller
|by Anonymous||reply 156||November 18, 2023 9:56 AM|
I’m Shel’s failed attempts to disguise his hatred of the green bean casserole, looking like Lucy swigging Vitametavegamin with each bite.
Icy glares ensue, followed by Sheldon’s snarky “may I be excuuuused?”
|by Anonymous||reply 157||November 18, 2023 10:46 AM|
|by Anonymous||reply 158||November 18, 2023 11:10 AM|
I’m spinning Out of Control!
|by Anonymous||reply 159||November 18, 2023 11:47 AM|
R158, was that in response to R157?
I was referencing earlier posts that mentioned drama queen Sheldon and a green bean casserole.
|by Anonymous||reply 160||November 18, 2023 11:48 AM|
Oh, Sheldon, please, Sheldon.
|by Anonymous||reply 161||November 18, 2023 11:51 AM|
I’m the drunken queen’s idea to re-enact the Thanksgiving food fight from Cheers. I go down like a ton of bricks.
|by Anonymous||reply 162||November 18, 2023 11:58 AM|
[quote]I’m the one of the group who always had a babyface and recently got Botox and now looks like a cross between Neil Patric Harris and a stroke victim. —Teacake
We always suspected you were.
|by Anonymous||reply 163||November 18, 2023 12:01 PM|
[quote]the laundry pamper
|by Anonymous||reply 164||November 18, 2023 12:10 PM|
I'm the truly insane friend trying to reenact the nasty family meal from "the Bear"
|by Anonymous||reply 165||November 18, 2023 12:20 PM|
I’m “Everything’s Coming Up Roses” loaded onto the karaoke machine for after dinner.
I’m sung with the modified “Vel commercial” lyrics.
|by Anonymous||reply 166||November 18, 2023 12:32 PM|
I’m Bruce’s light and creamy pumpkin chiffon pie.
|by Anonymous||reply 167||November 18, 2023 1:28 PM|
I’m the host’s hysterics when a glop of Bruce’s light and creamy pumpkin chiffon pie lands on mother’s Portuguese lace table runner.
|by Anonymous||reply 168||November 18, 2023 1:31 PM|
Sparkles will lick it up
|by Anonymous||reply 169||November 18, 2023 2:18 PM|
I'm the am-dram performer who never quite made it big, dying for an opening to recreate the dinner scene from August: Osage County. I spent 2 hours last night making sure I had Violet's lines perfect. Who wants to be Barb?
|by Anonymous||reply 170||November 18, 2023 4:21 PM|
I'm the drive thru' McDonalds all the dinner guests visit separately en route home from the dinner party.
|by Anonymous||reply 171||November 18, 2023 4:25 PM|
I’m “Cousin Mildred.”
No, I’m not a real cousin…I’m the host’s drag alter-ego he trots out to serve the hors d’oeuvres.
The pink suit is from the 80s and the buttons no longer fasten, while the Shirley Temple wig is in dire need of a thorough shampooing.
I make every guest in attendance question his life choices.
|by Anonymous||reply 172||November 18, 2023 5:15 PM|
I am the hideous Peruvian street art every guest feels compelled to complement.
|by Anonymous||reply 173||November 18, 2023 5:17 PM|
I am the new boyfriend, a hideous Peruvian street whore every guest feels compelled to complement.
|by Anonymous||reply 174||November 18, 2023 5:54 PM|
I'm R174 and at least 4 of these hissing Queens make a not-so-subtle pass at me, one even trying to follow me into the bathroom to 'pet my polla'!
They assume because I'm hot and foreign I'm anyone's for a few bucks but don't realise that I'm in love with their buddy and love riding on his beercan cock on the daily.
|by Anonymous||reply 175||November 18, 2023 6:07 PM|
I’m the arthritis and incontinence.
|by Anonymous||reply 176||November 18, 2023 6:21 PM|
I'm the more intense discussion about Britney Jean's memoir.
|by Anonymous||reply 177||November 18, 2023 6:25 PM|
It's compliment, not complement, the way you guys are using the word.
|by Anonymous||reply 178||November 18, 2023 6:26 PM|
I’m Jonathan swiftly and sharply correcting Robert when the latter refers to the dressing as stuffing.
|by Anonymous||reply 179||November 18, 2023 6:27 PM|
I'm Bill. I'm ladling gravy on top of everything that's on my plate.
People are shooting daggers at me because there's never enough gravy to go around at the Friendsgiving.
|by Anonymous||reply 180||November 18, 2023 6:33 PM|
I’m flatulent Phil letting one loose near a candle, causing mother’s red velvet drapes to go up in flames.
|by Anonymous||reply 181||November 18, 2023 6:39 PM|
I'm the eager bottom who has a Scruff date with a hung daddy top later that night. As I stares longingly at the meal, I tell everyone I just came from my family Tday dinner and am too stuffed for even one more bite. Oh, my family lives outside of Phoenix.
|by Anonymous||reply 182||November 18, 2023 6:47 PM|
I’m the argument snout whether it’s stuffing or dressing.
|by Anonymous||reply 183||November 18, 2023 7:57 PM|
[quote]It's compliment, not complement, the way you guys are using the word.
I'm someone's last invitation. to Friendsgiving.
|by Anonymous||reply 184||November 18, 2023 8:14 PM|
I am Frank, the fat slob, briefly fit and hot at 22, who has given up decades ago and thoroughly enjoys the meal and the third servings.
|by Anonymous||reply 185||November 18, 2023 8:47 PM|
I'm Frank's lack of table manners, loudly and unashamedly belching and commenting about his hope that the host has a strong flush on his 'crapper'. I almost cause 2 seperate fainting spells and much consternation.
|by Anonymous||reply 186||November 18, 2023 8:54 PM|
I’m the host’s gift from Deanie the Lesbian: a jar of Crisco and a handwritten note announcing “Happy Fistgiving!”
|by Anonymous||reply 187||November 18, 2023 8:57 PM|
[quote]I am the hideous Peruvian street art every guest feels compelled to complement.
OMG I almost choked reading this, it is SO true
|by Anonymous||reply 188||November 18, 2023 8:59 PM|
I'm the Gen Z friends who arrived late, empty-handed, unkempt looking and with a list of food and pronoun restrictions.
|by Anonymous||reply 189||November 18, 2023 9:00 PM|
I’m all the guests sitting and watching David choke himself to death.
|by Anonymous||reply 190||November 18, 2023 9:39 PM|
I’m the homeowner furiously checking his insurance policy
|by Anonymous||reply 191||November 18, 2023 9:41 PM|
I'm the host's internal voice: "Sweet Lord Jesus, I am NEVER doing this again!".
|by Anonymous||reply 192||November 18, 2023 10:02 PM|
[quote]I’m flatulent Phil letting one loose near a candle, causing mother’s red velvet drapes to go up in flames.
Mother should be accustomed to flamers by now.
|by Anonymous||reply 193||November 19, 2023 3:25 AM|
I am the fear that most of this is true as I am nearing the Thursday dinner.
|by Anonymous||reply 194||November 19, 2023 4:28 AM|
I'm the still-frozen turkey which the hosts were sure would thaw in just 24 hours. I'll be roasted deliciously next Sunday when the unexpectedly vegetarian Thanksgiving is just a horrifying memory and the hosts can have it all to themselves.
|by Anonymous||reply 195||November 19, 2023 4:47 AM|
I’m one of the Gen Z’ers with a dead cellphone, attempting to call an Uber on the host’s rotary phone.
I’ll never be able to leave this place.
|by Anonymous||reply 196||November 19, 2023 7:32 AM|
I'm Grindr getting a rigourous workout today. Most of the guests are discretely (so they think) are usng me to find some post-Friendsgiving coitus.
|by Anonymous||reply 197||November 19, 2023 12:13 PM|
And ALL of those guests that are on Grindr are using profile pics at least 15 years out of date. ^^^^
|by Anonymous||reply 198||November 19, 2023 12:21 PM|
I’m the unexpected power outage, promoting everyone in attendance (excluding the Gen Z’ers, the twink and the twunk) to launch into a simultaneous rendition of Julia Sugarbaker’s “The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia” rant.
|by Anonymous||reply 199||November 19, 2023 12:29 PM|
I'm the guest scrolling Grindr on the toilet and wondering how it's possible for 8 ripped hot guys to be 10 feet away from me.
|by Anonymous||reply 200||November 19, 2023 12:43 PM|
I’m the gasps that ensue when one of the youngins asks “Judy who?”
Cue whipping out the Carnegie Hall LPs.
|by Anonymous||reply 201||November 19, 2023 1:10 PM|
I am the Diana Scream reenactment when the humorous (or so he thinks) Twink suddenly announces that Madonna is dead.
|by Anonymous||reply 202||November 19, 2023 1:54 PM|
I am the bag of meth waiting in Doug’s backpack. I may come out after David and David and the obnoxious queen are gone and the twink sends the right signals.
|by Anonymous||reply 203||November 19, 2023 2:10 PM|
I’m the argument about how pecan pie should be pronounced.
|by Anonymous||reply 204||November 19, 2023 2:49 PM|
I am the gratefulness that we are still here, with warts and all, although we expected to die before 40. I am a genuine feeling.
|by Anonymous||reply 205||November 19, 2023 3:22 PM|
I'm the empty bottles of Pinot Noir.
|by Anonymous||reply 206||November 19, 2023 3:32 PM|
I am that roiling anxiety that picks up speed on Thanksgiving week - what have I done to offend? I haven’t gotten any of the usual check ins or calls - even the poor frumpy Houlihan sisters from my childhood …. Have I been too flip? Did everyone believe me when I said I wasn’t “doing” Thanksgiving this year? …… My normal fast food places are closed Thursday ….. Let me check my texts ……. Marie Callandars - a turkey tv dinner ….Well, I have to give the cat his sub q fluids anyway ….. I should go volunteer and feed the homeless . …. snap out of it look at those poor people in Israel and Gaza …… Is there going to be a West Wing Marathon? …….
|by Anonymous||reply 207||November 19, 2023 3:40 PM|
R207, you can go to the restaurant I'm scheduled to eat at on Thursday. I'd love to stay home with Marie Callender's instead.
|by Anonymous||reply 208||November 19, 2023 3:54 PM|
I’m the pills
|by Anonymous||reply 209||November 19, 2023 5:36 PM|
I’m the Aldi Bailey’s Irish Cream knock-off discarded by the host as an unworthy complement to his feast. When the gin dries up I will be hurled into shot glasses to keep the party going.
|by Anonymous||reply 210||November 19, 2023 5:45 PM|
I’m the in-depth comparisons of Barbra’s audiobook to Michelle Williams’s rendition of Britney’s audiobook.
|by Anonymous||reply 211||November 19, 2023 6:03 PM|
[quote]most of the guests are discretely Oh, dear.
|by Anonymous||reply 212||November 19, 2023 6:06 PM|
I was the 20-something "young straggler" at one of these events and got a tongue-lashing from some old queen for not going into the kitchen to help wash dishes afterward. Most of what I'm reading in this thread is pretty spot on.
|by Anonymous||reply 213||November 19, 2023 6:31 PM|
Well? Did you go into the kitchen to help wash dishes?
|by Anonymous||reply 214||November 19, 2023 6:36 PM|
I got out of it by dropping trou, R214
|by Anonymous||reply 215||November 19, 2023 6:59 PM|
better to put out than put up
|by Anonymous||reply 216||November 19, 2023 9:00 PM|
I am the liquid accident Flatulent Bill has as he tries to silently pass one. I am slowly working my way down the left leg…
|by Anonymous||reply 217||November 19, 2023 9:34 PM|
I’m the Nathan Lane-esque guest who catches on to Bill’s accident.
“Oh my god, did you SHIT!?!? Get off the carpet NOW! Next time, wear a buttplug or Depends! Preferably both!”
|by Anonymous||reply 218||November 19, 2023 10:18 PM|
Im the Bruce Villanch -like guest who screams: “wear a napkin for god’s sake!”
|by Anonymous||reply 219||November 19, 2023 11:01 PM|
I'm Bruce Villanch's t-shirt with a snarky quote that is smeared with turkey gravy and pumpkin pie.
|by Anonymous||reply 220||November 19, 2023 11:08 PM|
Gross R217 Is flatulence that common among the eldergays?
|by Anonymous||reply 221||November 19, 2023 11:19 PM|
“That bothers me”
|by Anonymous||reply 222||November 19, 2023 11:19 PM|
R215 did you let more than one guest sample the delights of your hot young body?
|by Anonymous||reply 223||November 19, 2023 11:23 PM|
When did gays become so obsessed with shit and farting?
|by Anonymous||reply 224||November 19, 2023 11:36 PM|
When they got old.
Watch Golden Bachelor.
The old ladies are obsessed with gas and farting.
|by Anonymous||reply 225||November 19, 2023 11:44 PM|
Let’s just say that certain muscles are not as tight as they used to be, R224.
|by Anonymous||reply 226||November 20, 2023 12:20 AM|
And kegels can only do some much
|by Anonymous||reply 227||November 20, 2023 12:23 AM|
R213, did you get ravished in the vintage chopping block?
|by Anonymous||reply 228||November 20, 2023 12:43 AM|
This is being older, gay or straight or whatever
|by Anonymous||reply 229||November 20, 2023 12:51 AM|
I’m the playful “Mommie Dearest” banter between courses (“you’re not getting up from this table until you have Finished. That. Dark. Meat!”)
I’m ground to a halt when one of the Gen-Z’ers says it’s “triggering” because he has a “ narcissistic” mother.
Deafening silence, followed by Todd’s “Declan, I want to talk to you…in the OTHER room!”
|by Anonymous||reply 230||November 20, 2023 7:17 AM|
A little after dinner dancing:
|by Anonymous||reply 231||November 20, 2023 8:36 AM|
I'm the consternation that 'Gone With The Wind' isn't being shown anywhere on TV. The host offers his Blu-Ray copy but the guest claims "It isn't the same.."
|by Anonymous||reply 232||November 20, 2023 10:34 AM|
I’m Algernon’s slides from Fire Island, 1996.
|by Anonymous||reply 233||November 20, 2023 12:06 PM|
I’m the quiet fury around the table when one of Bryan’s twinks holds up Liza’s Results CD and asks who this is….
|by Anonymous||reply 234||November 20, 2023 1:12 PM|
I'm the raucous guests blasting music in the kitchen, and the quiet, conversational types holed up in the bedroom because someone's toddler claimed the TV in the Living Room. Every half hour there's a failed attempt at cross pollination, but we all end up right back where we started.
|by Anonymous||reply 235||November 20, 2023 4:38 PM|
I'm the realization, while looking at photos of Friendsgivings past, that the number of new guests invited to supplement those who've moved away exceed the few remaining members of the original group for the first time. It's always nice to get together and meet new people, but it will never be the same...
|by Anonymous||reply 236||November 20, 2023 4:40 PM|
"When did gays become so obsessed with shit and farting?"
Certainly not prior to fucking. Nothing worse than a shitty, undouched hole.
|by Anonymous||reply 237||November 20, 2023 6:41 PM|
I'll never attend a friendsgiving at any home without a bidet.
|by Anonymous||reply 238||November 20, 2023 7:59 PM|
I’m the guests raving about the host’s “homemade” stuffing, while the box of StoveTop lies hiding at the bottom of the trash can.
|by Anonymous||reply 239||November 21, 2023 12:10 AM|
I’m just raving
|by Anonymous||reply 240||November 21, 2023 2:40 AM|
I’m the serving tray.
|by Anonymous||reply 241||November 21, 2023 10:32 AM|
I'm the trigger warning that needs to accompany R241!
|by Anonymous||reply 242||November 21, 2023 11:23 AM|
I'm the guest misreading the tray as an invitation for "later".
|by Anonymous||reply 243||November 21, 2023 11:36 AM|
|by Anonymous||reply 244||November 21, 2023 4:09 PM|
I’m the intense debates about who is better Madonna or Cindy Lauper.
|by Anonymous||reply 245||November 21, 2023 4:15 PM|
I'm the after-dinner surprise Jarvis brought from the "Get It While It's Hot Erotic Bake Shop". I'm not in the shape of Florida..
|by Anonymous||reply 246||November 21, 2023 4:22 PM|
[quote] someone's toddler claimed the TV in the Living Room.
There are no toddlers at an eldergay Friendsgiving.
|by Anonymous||reply 247||November 21, 2023 4:33 PM|
the thought is inconceivable
|by Anonymous||reply 248||November 21, 2023 7:24 PM|
I'm the closed bedroom door with someone sobbing on the other side.
The host whispers to his other guests, "Something made him think about Roger."
Everyone nods sympathetically.
|by Anonymous||reply 249||November 21, 2023 8:31 PM|
R245, I'm the young friend (age 42) who blithely interjects that Madonna and Cyndi are OK if you like nostalgia acts, but for sheer talent and staying power, Janet is the ultimate Diva.
I don't realize that I have just branded myself Persona Non Grata with everyone in the room. There won't be a Friendsgiving for me next November.
|by Anonymous||reply 250||November 21, 2023 8:54 PM|
I’m one of mother’s crystal candy bowls, passed around as a tip jar to try and persuade the twunk to clear the table in the nude.
|by Anonymous||reply 251||November 21, 2023 11:01 PM|
I’m the flicker effect electric candle next to mother’s urn.
|by Anonymous||reply 252||November 22, 2023 12:36 AM|
I am the Eldergay reading the “Let’s be an Eldergay Friendsgiving” threat out loud during the Eldergay Friendsgiving.
|by Anonymous||reply 253||November 22, 2023 12:50 AM|
I'm sudden and collective anal tightening when, unexpectedly, Jeryth arrives and announces their pronouns.
|by Anonymous||reply 254||November 22, 2023 12:51 AM|
I'm the host's apron with its cunning colorful drawings of shirtless construction workers.
|by Anonymous||reply 255||November 22, 2023 12:57 AM|
I'm the large bowl of colorful gourds with the rotten ones hidden at the bottom.
|by Anonymous||reply 256||November 22, 2023 12:58 AM|
I’m the vintage steve kelso colt calendar in the bathroom
|by Anonymous||reply 257||November 22, 2023 3:51 AM|
I'm the guest hand towels in the bathroom. These towels are more decorative than absorbent. Nobody really likes using them. Paper towels would have been better. Oh, well.
I'm the roll of toilet paper that has maybe 7 sheets left on it. Steve will be bold enough to open up the under-sink cabinet and dig out an extra roll.
|by Anonymous||reply 258||November 22, 2023 3:59 AM|
I’m the pumpkin spice condoms in a bowl by the door.
|by Anonymous||reply 259||November 22, 2023 4:21 AM|
I'm the host who is SO grateful to Mabel (practically a member of the family!) who polished silver all week long and is now "helping out" in the kitchen.
|by Anonymous||reply 260||November 22, 2023 4:23 AM|
I'm Jason, at 28 the closest thing this gathering will have to a twink. I pestered the host repeatedly with "what should I bring," and was told, "Bring some good vanilla ice cream for the pie." I show up with a carton of already melting Blue Bunny Neapolitan "frozen dairy dessert" in a translucent plastic ShopRite bag. I hand it to the host, who takes it with an expression of undisguised disgust. I don't notice because I'm off to hug/shriek in recognition of Brad across the room.
|by Anonymous||reply 261||November 22, 2023 2:15 PM|
I’m brad going into anaphylactic shock upon. eating red dye number two in the ice cream
|by Anonymous||reply 262||November 22, 2023 3:09 PM|
I'm Danielle, the fag hag with the big gift box of homemade gluten-free cookies that everyone will feel obligated to sample before they dig into the Costco chocolate pecan pie.
|by Anonymous||reply 263||November 22, 2023 3:27 PM|
I’m the keto fag and hated by all.
|by Anonymous||reply 264||November 22, 2023 4:21 PM|
I’m Jimmy and I’ve lost 40 pounds on Ozempic - with 10 more to go - since the last time these bitches saw me.
I gaze at all the food, eat nothing, burp a lot, and silently judge everyone here.
|by Anonymous||reply 265||November 22, 2023 4:34 PM|
I’m everyone judging the mudflaps hanging from Jimmy‘s arms
|by Anonymous||reply 266||November 22, 2023 4:55 PM|
I'm Mother's portrait hanging in the dining room, casting a cold, mirthless, disapproving gaze on the day's festivities.
|by Anonymous||reply 267||November 22, 2023 5:48 PM|
I’m the supremely depressing Thanksgiving night bathhouse visit on the way home. Just a quick stop.
|by Anonymous||reply 268||November 22, 2023 5:54 PM|
I'm the discussion about how they never got the appeal of Elaine Stritch.
"I mean I know we're all SUPPOSED to have liked her, but I just couldn't bear her. And yes I KNOW that makes me a bad gay, but I just COULDN'T with her."
|by Anonymous||reply 269||November 22, 2023 5:57 PM|
That’s not a cold look R267!
|by Anonymous||reply 270||November 22, 2023 5:57 PM|
I’m Friday’s devastating farts.
|by Anonymous||reply 271||November 22, 2023 6:08 PM|
I’m Miss Sissy Boodles hiding in terror under Mother’s old bed.
|by Anonymous||reply 272||November 22, 2023 6:17 PM|
I'm the beast with two backs made by Jason & Brad on R272, causing poor Miss Sissy Boodles to produce a puddle of piss, located approximately one week later by no-nonsense Mabel.
|by Anonymous||reply 273||November 22, 2023 6:56 PM|
I'm the formal tea service, which of course was Mother's, which will be wheeled out shortly.
|by Anonymous||reply 274||November 22, 2023 6:58 PM|
I am the sudden drop in mood when Bill reads the “Let’s be an Eldergay Friendsgiving” threat out loud during the Eldergay Friendsgiving. Because Mike, David, and David realize that someone writes about THEM!
|by Anonymous||reply 275||November 22, 2023 7:17 PM|
OH, The HUmanity!
|by Anonymous||reply 276||November 22, 2023 8:03 PM|
I am the words James drunkenly, loudly begins warbling, the words that strike terror in those who know him too well: "With my high starched collar and my high-top shoes...."
|by Anonymous||reply 277||November 22, 2023 8:24 PM|
Shaun and I attended the Eldergay Friendsgiving in San Diego on Monday night. Marc is flying back to Montgomery County (Philly) on Wed. for his older brother last turkey day. We went to Wharton together in the late 80's. He knows all my 80's and 1990's secrets from Philly and NYC. We had sooo many friends and lovers die from HIV, neither of us got sick.
Marc and I had a "1 question game" that we had to be completely honest with the answer we gave, no lies.
|by Anonymous||reply 278||November 22, 2023 8:24 PM|
i'm the BI%TCH
|by Anonymous||reply 279||November 22, 2023 8:24 PM|
I’m Miss Sissy Boodles. I’ve actually been stuffed since 2013.
|by Anonymous||reply 280||November 22, 2023 8:31 PM|
I'm that guest's little dog. Even though my masters assured the host I'd be no trouble, I've been shitting under the master bedroom's king sized bed.
|by Anonymous||reply 281||November 22, 2023 8:33 PM|
I'm Sheila. I wasn't invited, but after 4 bountiful glasses of Charlie Mingus' special-recipe egg nog, Alan disappears and Sheila takes over. "Alan? Who's Alan? My name is SHEILA! And I am FABULOUS!"
|by Anonymous||reply 282||November 22, 2023 8:34 PM|
I’m Marc complimenting Rick and Steve on the track lighting. “It really brings out the vividness of the Peruvian street art!”
|by Anonymous||reply 283||November 22, 2023 8:52 PM|
I'm the underemployed gay working as a retail clerk who hates the world and is sharpening his claws to critique your cooking.
|by Anonymous||reply 284||November 22, 2023 9:00 PM|
I'm Barbra's Greatest Hits on the stereo.
|by Anonymous||reply 285||November 22, 2023 9:03 PM|
I'm Bette Midler's Greatest Hits, which has now replaced Barbra's Greatest Hits, playing on the stereo. This prompts one of the Davids to exclaim "I've always loved Bette Midler, she's such a hoot!"
|by Anonymous||reply 286||November 22, 2023 9:09 PM|
I’m Miss Sissy Boodle’s bed, a scale replica of her master’s.
|by Anonymous||reply 287||November 22, 2023 9:12 PM|
I am Robert's phone. I ring during the appetizer and Robert's face tenses up instantly when he sees the screen. He leaves the table to take the call and snippets are heard through the bedroom door. "Yes, of [italic]course[/italic] I care about them. .... Because I didn't want to bother them while they were with their cousins --Oh, HI, sweetie! How is everything? Are you having a good meal at Grandma's?..."
|by Anonymous||reply 288||November 22, 2023 9:18 PM|
r288 = Mart Crowley
|by Anonymous||reply 289||November 22, 2023 9:51 PM|
I'm the "stereo" that they're playing the Barbara and Bette records on.
Milton yelled to "turn down that HiFi".
|by Anonymous||reply 290||November 22, 2023 10:48 PM|
R284, that’s called a shopbottom.
|by Anonymous||reply 291||November 22, 2023 10:52 PM|
I’m the intense giggling and whispering when the older crowd discover two of the young stragglers are named Richard and Froy.
|by Anonymous||reply 292||November 22, 2023 11:19 PM|
I'm Rex Reed.
|by Anonymous||reply 293||November 22, 2023 11:44 PM|
I’m the discreet, under-the-table BJ horndog Brad gives to Froy.
|by Anonymous||reply 294||November 22, 2023 11:55 PM|
I’m Michael Musto.
|by Anonymous||reply 295||November 23, 2023 12:00 AM|
I'm Milky Loads. The doorman has been shown my picture and has been instructed not to buzz me up.
|by Anonymous||reply 296||November 23, 2023 12:16 AM|
I'm the new Dolly Parton "Rockstar" album, which Michael and Richard swear is "an absolute scream."
|by Anonymous||reply 297||November 23, 2023 12:35 AM|
I’m the lesbians marvelling at the lack of nutloaf jokes so far tonight.
|by Anonymous||reply 298||November 23, 2023 4:40 AM|
I’m the hosts reuniting this morning after breaking up last night in a vicious confrontation over the arrangement of the place settings.
|by Anonymous||reply 299||November 23, 2023 11:44 AM|
I’m the host couple spending the day before making Martha Stewart’s gourd candles for centrepieces.
We’re furious when several of our drunken guests remove the candles and try putting something else in the holes instead.
|by Anonymous||reply 300||November 23, 2023 12:43 PM|
I'm one-half of the host couple beginning to carve the turkey and loudly announcing "we should have said 'fuck it' just like Martha".
|by Anonymous||reply 301||November 23, 2023 12:55 PM|
I’m Mitchel but everyone called me Missy. I’m the life of the party and will spill my red wine on the white sofa. I’ve somehow wormed my way into this group of friends, and my back stories have fooled the majority of the group except for three queens who picked up on the inconsistencies and stare daggers at me. I’m wanted in another state for bank fraud and will be chased down in a mall by a bounty hunter the following summer. The three queens will gloat the following Thanksgiving. ‘’Told you bitches’.
|by Anonymous||reply 302||November 23, 2023 1:12 PM|
Does Mitchell also go by the name Kitara sometimes?
|by Anonymous||reply 303||November 23, 2023 1:35 PM|
I’m the three Andrews in attendance, who of course have to do their “Anders Sisters” routine, much to everyone’s chagrin.
|by Anonymous||reply 304||November 23, 2023 3:08 PM|
“Andrews Sisters”. Oh, dear.
|by Anonymous||reply 305||November 23, 2023 3:09 PM|
If you're going to title a thread 'Eldergay' anything, you should be required to state your own age. How old are you OP?
|by Anonymous||reply 306||November 23, 2023 5:27 PM|
|by Anonymous||reply 307||November 23, 2023 5:30 PM|
To R286, I am the "elder gay" who requested that Marc play Bette Midler instead of Barbra. I said, "Barbra having her moment, plus she has a Mall; I need to hear some Bette" Then those nasty bitches tried to start picking on me about meeting with the Gen Z'ers plus the HRC & DNC meetings in Wash DC a few weeks ago (about fundraising).
|by Anonymous||reply 308||November 23, 2023 5:53 PM|
Not an eldergay in the bunch!
|by Anonymous||reply 309||November 23, 2023 7:28 PM|
Catered by Fairway or Fresh Direct, R309? No way any of those twinks would know how to make a jello mold, let alone a ham or turkey.
|by Anonymous||reply 310||November 23, 2023 7:51 PM|
R308 what were you meeting them for and was it productive?
|by Anonymous||reply 311||November 23, 2023 7:54 PM|
I'm the corn flake topping my husband insisted on sprinkling on his otherwise perfect sweet potato casserole. I hope our guests will be amused.
|by Anonymous||reply 312||November 23, 2023 7:58 PM|
To R312, my neighbor makes her sweet potato casserole and does the same thing with it. I love it that way.
BTW, I love corn flakes too. Her mom's Irish cook did that to make the children eat the sweet potatoes. loved it.
|by Anonymous||reply 313||November 23, 2023 8:14 PM|
I'm Bryan Singer. The turkey is fine, but I was promised CHICKEN!
|by Anonymous||reply 314||November 23, 2023 8:16 PM|
I'm that eldergay, scrambling from one 7-11 to another, trying to buy that cranberry sauce, the hubs forgot to buy. I'd even settle for the canned variety!
|by Anonymous||reply 315||November 23, 2023 8:28 PM|
I'm the host's morning-after declarations to his partner that, from now until summer, with maybe a little break at Christmas, he's going to be on an extremely strict "regimen."
He holds firm to this vow until he opens the fridge and is confronted by leftover mashed potatoes, stuffing, turkey, gravy, and pie.
The diet starts tomorrow.
|by Anonymous||reply 316||November 24, 2023 11:59 AM|
I’m the whirling dildo used to whip the potatoes when the KitchenAid mixer goes on the fritz.
|by Anonymous||reply 317||November 24, 2023 12:51 PM|
I'm the early morning Thanksgiving dump the next day.
|by Anonymous||reply 318||November 24, 2023 6:59 PM|
I'm the WhatsApp group the guests have set up but excluding the host.
This night is gonna get a bigger roasting than that dried out old turkey we were served.
|by Anonymous||reply 319||November 24, 2023 7:04 PM|
r319 = why I limit my gay male friendships to a few very close friends
|by Anonymous||reply 320||November 24, 2023 7:09 PM|
I'm the deflating feeling the host feels the next morning when the majority of the text messages he receives are from the guests wanting horndog Brad's phone number.
Not a single request for a recipe!
|by Anonymous||reply 321||November 24, 2023 7:24 PM|
I'm all the calories horndog Brad is gonna burn between now and Christmas.
And it won't be from working out in the gym.
|by Anonymous||reply 322||November 24, 2023 7:26 PM|
I'm all those boring Instagram photos of food displays, table settings and middle aged pot bellies on your feed right now.
|by Anonymous||reply 323||November 24, 2023 8:22 PM|
I'm a scathing review of our hosts' Friendsgiving gala, I am accidentally posted to the WA group which INCLUDES the hosts.
|by Anonymous||reply 324||November 24, 2023 9:05 PM|
I’m the head of lettuce angrily chucked at the smug vegan.
“DIG IN, BITCH!”
|by Anonymous||reply 325||November 24, 2023 9:08 PM|
I'm the resurfacing feelings of rejection the host feels when one of the guests drunkenly shows him the WhatsApp chat, probably around Christmas time. Thanks R319, turn on disappearing messages next time!
|by Anonymous||reply 326||November 24, 2023 10:12 PM|
I'm the prissy fussing by the host the morning after as he brings back out the fiesta ware, hummel figurines and mother's thimble collection, now that danger has passed.
|by Anonymous||reply 327||November 24, 2023 10:17 PM|
I'm the prissy fussing by the host the morning after as he brings back out the fiesta ware, hummel figurines and mother's thimble collection, now that danger has passed.
|by Anonymous||reply 328||November 24, 2023 10:17 PM|
I'm the radiation emitted by Mother's vintage postwar red Fiestaware set. Nothing to worry about. Each piece in the 24-piece set emits only 10 milliRoentgens per hour. Hour after hour. Decade after decade.
|by Anonymous||reply 329||November 24, 2023 10:32 PM|
I'm the grisly discovery of a generously skidmarked pair of Hanes, size 36, thrown into the bathtub last night and hidden by the shower curtain.
The host has his suspicions about who had the accident, but he knows none of the guests will cop to it. Not because of the humiliation of the "accident," but because not one of the 14 people present would ever admit to having a 36-inch waist -- or, far more humiliating, wearing Hanes tighty-whities.
|by Anonymous||reply 330||November 24, 2023 10:39 PM|
Gay Friendsgiving seems to include a lot of pooping accidents
|by Anonymous||reply 331||November 24, 2023 11:40 PM|
Tomorrow is another day! I’m Ms Scarlett O’Hara - released from my armoire protection and back pride of place on the pink satin bed cushions - safe from Marcus for another year.
|by Anonymous||reply 332||November 24, 2023 11:54 PM|
I am the desperate feeling that I need to keep this thread going until it hits 600.
|by Anonymous||reply 333||November 25, 2023 12:06 AM|
I'm the increase in sales of diarrhoea meds amongst guests. Was the food defrosted and cooked through? Either way, I'm spraying liquid shit out my ass like silly string.
|by Anonymous||reply 334||November 25, 2023 12:11 AM|
I’m the post eating and drinking tiredness that sets in.
We all retreat to the living room, put on the Golden Girls and watch silently.
|by Anonymous||reply 335||November 25, 2023 12:17 AM|
[quote]The host has his suspicions about who had the accident, but he knows none of the guests will cop to it. Not because of the humiliation of the "accident," but because not one of the 14 people present would ever admit to having a 36-inch waist -- or, far more humiliating, wearing Hanes tighty-whities.
I would gladly admit to both, since I'm wearing size 50 Fruit-of-the-Looms. But then I wasn't invited, was I?
|by Anonymous||reply 336||November 25, 2023 12:21 AM|
I'm the host the day after, with a fridge full of food but eating french-fried onion strings from the can over the sink.
|by Anonymous||reply 337||November 25, 2023 1:20 AM|
I’m the Friday morning sniffles that induce sheer panic and unhinged blaming.
|by Anonymous||reply 338||November 25, 2023 1:54 AM|
[quote]Gay Friendsgiving seems to include a lot of pooping accidents
Because some unfortunately prolific DL-ers think that scat jokes are hilarious.
|by Anonymous||reply 339||November 25, 2023 3:06 AM|
I'm the host desperately trying to get the pee stain in the carpet left by that fag hag Danielle's little morkie-poo on their way out of the apartment.
|by Anonymous||reply 340||November 25, 2023 3:09 AM|
[quote]Gay Friendsgiving seems to include a lot of pooping accidents
Because some prolific DL-ers think that scat jokes are hilarious.
|by Anonymous||reply 341||November 25, 2023 3:10 AM|
I’m the host that trots out eggnog made from Eudora Welty’s recipe. My eyes are windmilling as every guest looks at me questioningly.
|by Anonymous||reply 342||November 25, 2023 3:18 AM|
R330 surely the culprit would be more likely to chuck the soiled undergarment out of the bathroom window, landing in next door's azalea bush? In which case, I'm the profuse apologies to the low-key homophobe neighbour who suspects the host have been throwing a filthy orgy
|by Anonymous||reply 343||November 25, 2023 8:43 AM|
I’m the uninvited nude roommate’s scathing Instagram video the following day, bitching to everyone about why he wasn’t invited and how it was entirely the host’s fault.
There’s also an OnlyFans link to watch his shenanigans with Brad and the twunk.
|by Anonymous||reply 344||November 25, 2023 10:38 AM|
I'm the Gen Z guest unloading to his tiktok followers.
"Oh my gawd, they were fucking ancient! At least one of them was like 50!"They were all like singing along to a song by Madonna that was totally a hundred years old. I think she's Sam Smith's mother?" "They eat carbs and no one there was wearing size appropriate clothes".
|by Anonymous||reply 345||November 25, 2023 10:48 AM|
I'm the horror when the host, browsing Instagram a few days later, notices that one of the guests has posted an antivax meme. I'm the fear when the host realizes he has developed a slight cough in the last 24 hours. This is followed by a manic spraying, wiping, cleansing ritual in every room of the house.
|by Anonymous||reply 346||November 25, 2023 2:08 PM|
I’m the understated bitchiness that pervades the evening.
“This is homemade? Well done, it tastes exactly like why I bought at the store last week.”
“This must’ve taken a lot of time and effort. It’s no wonder you didn’t have time to do your hair, bless you.”
|by Anonymous||reply 347||November 25, 2023 2:49 PM|
Your second remark, r347? Understated?
|by Anonymous||reply 348||November 25, 2023 2:55 PM|
We're the fun lesbian couple that has brought our new-ish puppy to this gathering. She's still too young to be left alone at home, so we have to bring her everywhere, or decline invitations. We are now going to insist that you help us train the little pup. We will be dishing out instructions what to do if little Post-It jumps on your chest, tries to steal a morsel from your plate etc. We insist that you do it correctly, that's the only way Post-It will learn.
We're the rest of the guests getting super annoyed at this bit of nonsense. We smile adorignly at little Post-It, but really would rather someone lock her up in the basement and let her go hog wild.
|by Anonymous||reply 349||November 25, 2023 3:01 PM|
R348 That was after a few glasses of Sherry. For him, it was understated.
|by Anonymous||reply 350||November 25, 2023 3:38 PM|
I'm an eldergay and throwing a "leftovers" party today. My party is always more fun
|by Anonymous||reply 351||November 25, 2023 3:57 PM|
"Mother NEVER would've served cranberry from a can! How vulgar! OUR cranberry sauce was always prepared by Beulah, who chopped fresh cranberries."
|by Anonymous||reply 352||November 25, 2023 4:19 PM|
I’m the ambulance arriving.
|by Anonymous||reply 353||November 25, 2023 4:53 PM|
|by Anonymous||reply 354||November 25, 2023 6:23 PM|
I’m the guest who has an entire turkey and side dishes in the car “just in case.”
|by Anonymous||reply 355||November 25, 2023 7:23 PM|
I'm the prisspot who fancies himself an oenophile. Upon being offered a glass of 2019 Gallo Signature Series Cabernet Sauvignon, he sniffs, "Oh, what a playful selection! I didn't realize we were drinking California Cabernet. I would've bought a box of the stuff at 7-11 and saved you a few dollars, dear!"
|by Anonymous||reply 356||November 25, 2023 7:30 PM|
I’m the charming intellect and precise storytelling of delicate seasoning.
|by Anonymous||reply 357||November 25, 2023 8:13 PM|
[quote] I'm the prisspot who fancies himself an oenophile.
I’m Rose, who thinks that means “person who enjoys masturbating.”
|by Anonymous||reply 358||November 25, 2023 10:55 PM|
I’m Bob rehearsing his tearful, heartfelt coming-out speech in front of all his friends, which he plans to share with mother at their family Thanksgiving later.
Marcel offers his appraisal. “Honey, after 56 years of caftans and Chinese slippers, I think she already knows.”
|by Anonymous||reply 359||November 26, 2023 4:53 PM|
No she would not, R359. Not consciously. Bob has just not met the right girl yet that understands his artistic, creative side.
|by Anonymous||reply 360||November 26, 2023 5:19 PM|
I'm Choupette, the host's white Persian cat. I have the best gaydar in history and can tell a bossy bottom from a sub bottom at a sniff. The bottom guests get my hissy, scratchy side and I will pee in their shoes later on. I kiss up to the only top at the table. And so does my owner, in a whirl of silk caftans and Jean-Paul Gaultier's Le Male.
|by Anonymous||reply 361||November 26, 2023 5:28 PM|
I'm Chad, arriving solo. Brian and I are fighting, again.
|by Anonymous||reply 362||November 26, 2023 5:30 PM|
I am the really bad last-minute cold that Brian supposedly has.
|by Anonymous||reply 363||November 26, 2023 5:46 PM|
I'm the Daddy Bear Grindr hookup who caused Brian to pick the fight with Chad and develop a "cold". I'll be stuffing Brian's turkey several times while Chad is gone. I'll also be the reason Brian and Chad breakup before Christmas and Brian moves out... to move in with me!
|by Anonymous||reply 364||November 26, 2023 6:06 PM|
I am the Turkey leftovers and Cranberry sauce Chad brought home to make up with Brian. I will end in the trash once Chad realizes that Brian is high as fuck and his cellphone is all greased up.
|by Anonymous||reply 365||November 26, 2023 6:13 PM|
I’m Brian and Chad gearing up for a spin-off thread.
|by Anonymous||reply 366||November 26, 2023 6:22 PM|
This thread is fucking depressing.
|by Anonymous||reply 367||November 26, 2023 6:33 PM|
R366 - I'm someone hoping for a Brian and Chad spin-off thread for Christmas!
|by Anonymous||reply 368||November 26, 2023 6:42 PM|
Please stop trying to make Brian and Chad happen, it's boring and it's killing a wonderful thread!
|by Anonymous||reply 369||November 26, 2023 6:46 PM|
I’m Chuck enjoying the leg and thigh meat.
Not the turkey’s.
|by Anonymous||reply 370||November 26, 2023 8:18 PM|
Chuck is unwanted here too.
|by Anonymous||reply 371||November 26, 2023 8:31 PM|
I’m the host counting Mother’s silver before any guest has a chance to leave.
|by Anonymous||reply 372||November 26, 2023 8:37 PM|
I'm the host, reminiscing about how only Beulah could polish Mother's silver just so.
|by Anonymous||reply 373||November 26, 2023 8:41 PM|
With her cunt, R373.
|by Anonymous||reply 374||November 26, 2023 8:43 PM|
I'm Jacob, praising "this fabulous reproduction Saarinen Knoll Tulip dining set! Very thrifty, with the price of vintage Saarinen so high!"
The host turns, a frozen, tight smile on his face. "Reproduction?"
|by Anonymous||reply 375||November 26, 2023 8:47 PM|
I’m elder-fatigued and glad this weekend is over.
|by Anonymous||reply 376||November 26, 2023 9:06 PM|
Fuck off R369 We're just having fun as we're supposed to with this. Some people (read: trolls) take things way too seriously.
|by Anonymous||reply 377||November 26, 2023 9:12 PM|
I’m the “accident” which befalls mother’s China after Chad and Chuck are told they’re not wanted.
|by Anonymous||reply 378||November 26, 2023 9:14 PM|
[quote]I'm the drive thru' McDonalds all the dinner guests visit separately en route home from the dinner party.
I'm the drive thru worker who is seriously pissed off to see you because if our store is open on Thanksgiving it means we didn't meet our revenue goals.
|by Anonymous||reply 379||November 26, 2023 9:30 PM|
[quote]This thread is fucking depressing.
And it also stopped being funny, despite a good start.
|by Anonymous||reply 380||November 26, 2023 9:43 PM|
I'm Aunt Mabel who, with her festive cheese-ball, unfortunately decided to pay a surprise Thanksgiving visit and has a bemused look as she is introduced to each of the guests ("Are the ladies in the kitchen washing the dishes?", she whispers to the host).
|by Anonymous||reply 381||November 26, 2023 9:57 PM|
I am Robert's homemade pumpkin chiffon cupcakes, laced with (surprise!) THC butter. Hilarity ensues a couple hours later when everyone is trying to get ready to go and realizes they aren't in any shape to go anywhere. Much laughter from everyone except the exhausted host, who is tired, achy, crotchety, and ready to collapse into bed and fall asleep to Murder She Wrote reruns on FreeVee.
|by Anonymous||reply 382||November 26, 2023 9:58 PM|
I’m the host anxiously awaiting this night to be over, only so he can start with the Christmas decorations.
He can’t wait to hear the compliments on the newest additions to his Byers Choice Carolers collection at the Eldergay Christmas Party.
|by Anonymous||reply 383||November 26, 2023 10:03 PM|
I'm the host, explaining to Aunt Mabel that all the boys are "going stag" today. He then has to repeat it much more loudly in her good ear. "I said GOING STAG, Aunt Mabel! No wives today!"
"Oh! I see! Then I'll leave you boys to your sports and cars and hunting talk," she says with a wink, heading for the door. "Enjoy the cheesy ball!"
|by Anonymous||reply 384||November 26, 2023 10:07 PM|
Aunt Mabel isn't going anywhere, not after that cupcake she ate
|by Anonymous||reply 385||November 26, 2023 10:12 PM|
I’m the conversation about whether or not Bebe Neuwirth is enough to spend another $300 to see Cabaret, since we have all seen Cabaret 6-7 times already.
|by Anonymous||reply 386||November 26, 2023 10:13 PM|
I’m the eldergay who never went to an Eldergay Friendsgiving.
|by Anonymous||reply 387||November 26, 2023 10:13 PM|
[quote] I’m the conversation about whether or not Bebe Neuwirth is enough to spend another $300 to see Cabaret, since we have all seen Cabaret 6-7 times already.
I'm the uninvited guy who can tell you dumb queens to stay home, she isn't.
|by Anonymous||reply 388||November 26, 2023 10:16 PM|
To R290, I have one of them from the early 1950's in Cherry Mahoganey. I had it fixed 2 yrs. ago, upgraded everything inside, CD player. Medium dark cherry color matches the wooden tables perfectly. All from the early 1950s.
My ex-father- in law says to me on Thanksgiving, "That looks like Esther's HiFi" I'm like "that is Aunt Esther's record player, upgraded to 2021" I told him, all the wooden furniture is Esther's and her 2nd husband, she left all the mid-century wooden tables-dining room set.
|by Anonymous||reply 389||November 26, 2023 10:18 PM|
Such an important piece of information, R389. Now I shall sleep in peace.
|by Anonymous||reply 390||November 26, 2023 10:21 PM|
I'm the very drunk queen responding loudly to R388 that "well, Bebe might not be worth it, but the 2200 dollars I spent for center orchestra seats, 4th row, so Christopher and I could see Bette in 'DOLLY' was worth EVERY PENNY!"
|by Anonymous||reply 391||November 26, 2023 10:31 PM|
I'm the smirk on R388's face when he hears how much R391 wildly overpaid for a meh performance in a meh production.
|by Anonymous||reply 392||November 26, 2023 10:39 PM|
I'm Aunt Mabel, stoned and confused in a corner, hard of hearing but able to hear the stentorian queen from R391. I respond, equally loudly, "I'd say it sounds like you have MORE MONEY THAN SENSE, young man!," and then cackle madly at my own wit.
|by Anonymous||reply 393||November 26, 2023 10:43 PM|
I'm aunt Mabel again, slurring "I don't think any of them have girlfriends, Missy" into the dog's ear.
|by Anonymous||reply 394||November 26, 2023 10:45 PM|
Apparently Aunt Mabel has usurped this thread from Brian and Chad.
|by Anonymous||reply 395||November 26, 2023 10:51 PM|
Brian and Chad sure sound jealous of that.
|by Anonymous||reply 396||November 26, 2023 10:54 PM|
I don't even remember who Brian and Chad are.
|by Anonymous||reply 397||November 26, 2023 10:55 PM|
Well then R390, I am glad I can help you finally sleep and learn to relax.
That is the reason for the Thanksgiving season!!
|by Anonymous||reply 398||November 27, 2023 12:42 AM|
The thing about an Eldergay Friendsgiving dinner is that at least a few guests or the host knows what to do in the kitchen, and at some point a nice meal will actually be served.
I wouldn't even guess what might be served at a Millennial, or Gen Z Friendsgiving!
|by Anonymous||reply 399||November 27, 2023 2:09 AM|
Bagels delivered from Door Dash. Or sushi.
|by Anonymous||reply 400||November 27, 2023 3:29 AM|
I’m Bertram sharing his “sitting next to Kristin Chenoweth on a plane” story for the umpteenth time.
Marcel: “That story’s had more performances than South Pacific!”
|by Anonymous||reply 401||November 27, 2023 4:46 AM|
I'm the 1960s Drexel Heritage dining room set, curated at twelve estate sales over seven years. I am exactly like the set Meemaw had, around which the family gathered every Thanksgiving for thirty-seven years. Her set went to a druggie cousin, who sold it on Craigslist in 2006 for $100. There is nothing of Meemaw's in this house, as the family disowned and shunned the disgraceful homosexual when he came out of the closet in 1993. We tell new friends that these are "family pieces," but old friends know the real story.
|by Anonymous||reply 402||November 27, 2023 5:05 AM|
I'm Brian. Chad's been away at the Friendsgiving for a couple of hours now. I'll just send Chad a short text:
"bring me a plate plz"
|by Anonymous||reply 403||November 27, 2023 5:09 AM|
I'm the small hole on the bottom of Mike's socks that snagged and is now an embarrassment. Mike's walking around like a foot bound Chinese woman so that the hole doesn't show.
But James DOES NOT ALLOW SHOES IN THE HOME - EVER! It's TRASHY!
Poor Chris only has those half socks that keep falling off.
Steve's socks smell like moldy cheese cuz he always wears those heavy black boots.
|by Anonymous||reply 404||November 27, 2023 5:18 AM|
[quote]R382 Much laughter from everyone except the exhausted host, who is tired, achy, crotchety, and ready to collapse into bed and fall asleep to Murder She Wrote reruns on FreeVee.
Won’t he be surprised when he finds that Ricky passed out drunk in there right after dinner. Everyone thought he’d left.
|by Anonymous||reply 405||November 27, 2023 8:16 AM|
I’m the leftovers going into the Tupperware. The host has plenty, as he didn’t sell any at his last party…in 1989.
|by Anonymous||reply 406||November 27, 2023 9:27 AM|
I’m the murder-suicide that ends Brian and Chad for good.
|by Anonymous||reply 407||November 27, 2023 5:32 PM|
R407 save that story for their Xmas spin-off!
|by Anonymous||reply 408||November 27, 2023 5:36 PM|
What's up R369 and R407 's ass? If we want to continue Brian and Chad we will. The trolling deranged cunt is under no obligation to read it.
|by Anonymous||reply 409||November 27, 2023 5:41 PM|
I'm the demented label whore dropping designer name brands into every sentence. I don't hear the others whisper to the host that I should not be invited to any future gatherings because "he's not our kind, dear."
|by Anonymous||reply 410||November 27, 2023 5:54 PM|
I googled it and it's gorgeous, R402! So sorry about your experience. Your meemaw would be proud of such a sophisticated grandson, though.
I'm the slippers that the host in R404 didn't offer to his guests after a whiff of Steve's feet reached his nose. "I'll be dashed if I let them rub their body odour off my Barbour Suede Tartan-Trim Monties!", the host hisses to his partner in the vestibule.
|by Anonymous||reply 411||November 27, 2023 6:03 PM|
I’m the hot young neighbour who didn’t go home this year. Everyone tries to woo him over with whiffs of food, an occasional wink, and a few flashes of leg.
Brad finally goes over, and half-an-hour later returns with him, both looking sweaty and disheveled.
|by Anonymous||reply 412||November 27, 2023 11:16 PM|
Is Brad an Eldegay or an assorted sugarbaby?
|by Anonymous||reply 413||November 28, 2023 2:05 PM|
Brad's not young, but he's maybe 6 years younger than the core group of eldergays. No, he's not a sugar baby. But he does use that 6 years to his advantage. Or tries to.
|by Anonymous||reply 414||November 28, 2023 4:20 PM|
I attended an Eldergay Friendsgiving this year and it was lovely. NO politics were discussed (well, we're all Dems) and the table topics included the upcoming Color Purple movie, old Christmas movies, our favorite Rihanna songs and rumors about her, and Shelley Winters. In agreement with the general consensus that she was an excellent actress, I remarked that if I were Montgomery Clift in A Place in the Sun, I'd have killed her too. My comment was (in the voice of the Zelig voiceover) coolly received. All of a sudden it was time for dessert!
|by Anonymous||reply 415||November 28, 2023 5:19 PM|
Brad here. I am NOT 6 years younger than these old queens. I am barely touching 40. So fuck all of you!
|by Anonymous||reply 416||November 28, 2023 5:26 PM|
Brad, you’re 48 if you’re a day and the barbed wire tattoo around your upper arm proves it.
|by Anonymous||reply 417||November 28, 2023 5:52 PM|
R415, you have more willpower than I. My ass would have been out of there the minute they started talking about favorite Rihanna songs.
|by Anonymous||reply 418||November 28, 2023 5:54 PM|
Seriously r418. I would've been bored to death with all of those topics of conversation.
|by Anonymous||reply 419||November 28, 2023 5:59 PM|
I’m the small portrait of Eve Arden the host hangs on the far dining room wall.
Obligingly, the guests all ask if it’s Shelley Winters or Judy Holliday.
|by Anonymous||reply 420||November 28, 2023 6:50 PM|
[quote] Seriously [R418]. I would've been bored to death with all of those topics of conversation.
I might have had fun talking about Shelley Winters, but I agree with the rest.
|by Anonymous||reply 421||November 28, 2023 7:20 PM|
[quote] Brad, you’re 48 if you’re a day and the barbed wire tattoo around your upper arm proves it.
I'm 46, dammit! And I look 42.
|by Anonymous||reply 422||November 28, 2023 7:29 PM|
I’m the guest who recently had Botox and collagen. I look unnervingly like an older George Santos.
|by Anonymous||reply 423||November 29, 2023 7:35 AM|
Has anyone started a Christmas version of this? I want more!
Sorry, "Holiday" *sigh*
|by Anonymous||reply 424||December 6, 2023 11:37 PM|
I'm one of the Davids having an explosive case of the shits as soon as he gets home. No butt lovin' from the other David tonight!
|by Anonymous||reply 425||December 7, 2023 1:17 AM|
|by Anonymous||reply 426||December 7, 2023 5:48 AM|
I would not go to any invite called “Friendsgiving”.
|by Anonymous||reply 427||December 7, 2023 6:12 AM|