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Let's be an Eldergay Friendsgiving

I'm Mother's Spode china and Portuguese lace table runner, finally liberated from the sideboard where they wait all year.

by Anonymousreply 429December 9, 2023 3:20 PM

I'm the subtle eye rolling by everyone when the youngest friend in the group looks at the turkey with disgust and announces he's recently gone vegan.

by Anonymousreply 1November 15, 2023 5:27 PM

I'm the intense discussion about Barbra's memoir.

by Anonymousreply 2November 15, 2023 5:32 PM

I'm the Follies cast album (ORIGINAL cast, thank you very much!) on the CD player.

"Yvonne and ONLY Yvonne could do proper justice to I'm Still Here."

by Anonymousreply 3November 15, 2023 5:33 PM

I'm the shriek of horror when a guest brings canned cranberry sauce.

"Mother always said there is NOTHING more common! GET OUT!"

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 4November 15, 2023 5:34 PM

I’m the outrageous radical lesbian who says shit to rile things up like Biden is just as bad as Trump.

by Anonymousreply 5November 15, 2023 5:35 PM

I'm the indigestion caused by suppressing a fart all evening.

by Anonymousreply 6November 15, 2023 5:36 PM

I'm the glass of wine dangled between the fingers of an unattractive queen during deep after-dinner discussion.

by Anonymousreply 7November 15, 2023 5:39 PM

I'm bored and can't wait to get home and do my online Black Friday shopping.

by Anonymousreply 8November 15, 2023 5:40 PM

I'm the old-school joint smoked outside or on the balcony

by Anonymousreply 9November 15, 2023 5:41 PM

I'm the queen who lets out a Phyllis Diller-like cackle after declaring "I'm stuffed" as he says no to a second helping of pie.

by Anonymousreply 10November 15, 2023 5:42 PM

I’m the one of the group who always had a babyface and recently got Botox and now looks like a cross between Neil Patric Harris and a stroke victim.

by Anonymousreply 11November 15, 2023 5:43 PM

I'm the loneliness, felt even here.

by Anonymousreply 12November 15, 2023 5:46 PM

"I've never cared for tomato aspic myself, but it was one of Mother's favorites."

by Anonymousreply 13November 15, 2023 5:46 PM

I am the one who started reading this thread for a chuckle o- only to realize almost everything I remember or treasure is gone -

by Anonymousreply 14November 15, 2023 5:54 PM

I'm the overbearing guest who insists on playing musical selections from "The Wiz" off his iPod.

by Anonymousreply 15November 15, 2023 6:00 PM

I'm the unattractive queen with the wine dangling between his fingers who quips "Stephanie Mills always reminded me of a platypus" after R15 fires up his iPod.

by Anonymousreply 16November 15, 2023 6:03 PM

"Of course Stephanie Mills wasn't going to be in the movie. She was a midget who was uglier than a dog's ass. And yes Diana was too old, but I still think she did a great job."

by Anonymousreply 17November 15, 2023 6:10 PM

Lawd, AIKC u stumbled back to DL huh?

by Anonymousreply 18November 15, 2023 6:17 PM

I'm the Marlboro Light Menthol 100 being smoked on the front porch while waiting for the water to boil.

by Anonymousreply 19November 15, 2023 6:18 PM

I'm Mitzi the poodle all dressed up in my fanciest frock, begging for table scraps which I will end up puking all over Daddy's bedspread in a few hours.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 20November 15, 2023 7:11 PM

I'm r20's partner, hoping he will refrain from imposing the phrase "dog dress" on us for the rest of the evening. But he's on his seventh cranberry and vodka, so who knows.

by Anonymousreply 21November 15, 2023 7:17 PM

I'm Miss Margo, the elderly cat. I've gone to hide in the bedroom. I'm half-deaf and my kidneys are starting to go. I don't like loud strangers.

by Anonymousreply 22November 15, 2023 7:21 PM

"nice girls don't wear cha-cha heels" says the eldest of the eldergays

by Anonymousreply 23November 15, 2023 7:23 PM

I’m the precious Scarlett O’Hara Madame Alexander figurine (I’m NOT a doll, Marcus!) tucked away safely in the locked armoire to keep me safe from Marcus’ drunken impression of Mammy after his fifth Screwdriver..

by Anonymousreply 24November 15, 2023 7:28 PM

I'm the gin

and the regret

by Anonymousreply 25November 15, 2023 7:29 PM

I'm the oft-repeated canard, "Oh, a little seltzer gets red wine stains right out."

And the host's response, "Oh, Jeffrey, [italic]really?[/italic] Does that work for handwoven New Zealand white wool berber rugs too? Or just on the Walmart-type polyester kind you have?"

by Anonymousreply 26November 15, 2023 7:37 PM

I'm the 3 back-to-back football games starting at 12:30p and airing on 3 major networks.

No one is aware that I exist.

by Anonymousreply 27November 15, 2023 7:40 PM

R27 😂 😆

by Anonymousreply 28November 15, 2023 7:42 PM

I'm "the Davids" from the "Let's be a Datalounge Eldergay's Birthday Party" thread.

We have not been invited this year, for reasons that should apparently be well known to us, but which we are chalking up to jealousy over our caftans.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 29November 15, 2023 7:51 PM

I'm the Token Negro.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 30November 15, 2023 7:53 PM

I am the piano that except Brad’s tipsy wistful rendition of “The Entertainer” - heavy on pedal - No one knows how to play ….. Remember when we used to all sing? …..

by Anonymousreply 31November 15, 2023 7:57 PM

R30 Fuck off you racist cunt.

by Anonymousreply 32November 15, 2023 7:58 PM

Let’s not and say we did. The holidays are for celebrating not congregating.

by Anonymousreply 33November 15, 2023 8:06 PM

I'm the strategically placed sex toys near the sofa hoping to get the ball rolling.

by Anonymousreply 34November 15, 2023 8:09 PM

I'm the name-dropping entertainment lawyer who never shuts up.

by Anonymousreply 35November 15, 2023 8:12 PM

I’m the twink boyfriend, dragged to dinner by my rich sugar daddy.

by Anonymousreply 36November 15, 2023 8:24 PM

I'm the bombastic, older partner of a young gayling who regales us with tales of their recent trip to the Middle East. Large gestures, booming voice, and a total conversation hog. Someone please kill him!

by Anonymousreply 37November 15, 2023 8:28 PM

In real life, I know someone like the elder r37 describes. Only he doesn't have a gayling in tow. Not only does he have a booming voice and grandiose gestures, he insists on playing videos on his phone at full volume while he's out in restaurants. I stopped going out with this friend group when said elder is invited.

by Anonymousreply 38November 15, 2023 8:33 PM

I'm the ubiquitous framed vintage movie poster in the hallway.

by Anonymousreply 39November 15, 2023 8:35 PM

I'm the streak of pooh remains in the toilet.

by Anonymousreply 40November 15, 2023 8:35 PM

I’m the multiple references to Linda Lavin.

by Anonymousreply 41November 15, 2023 8:39 PM

I'm me serving up my beautiful lasagne as is customary at holidays in my Italian-American family only to have the younger date or straggler one of my guests brought along exclaim "Lasagna for Thanksgiving??".

by Anonymousreply 42November 15, 2023 8:43 PM

I'm the closet Datalounger who is responsible for much of R14

by Anonymousreply 43November 15, 2023 8:48 PM

^ *meant R41

by Anonymousreply 44November 15, 2023 8:49 PM

R41, r14, I condole you

by Anonymousreply 45November 15, 2023 9:08 PM

I'm the host's uninvited gay male roommate who deliberately saunters completely nude from the bedroom to the bathroom so the guests can get a glimpse.

by Anonymousreply 46November 15, 2023 9:14 PM

I'm the host, noticing that R14 is getting maudlin, and springing up to put on "The Immaculate Collection," followed by a few sharp claps and the announcement: "Now who wants to dance?"

by Anonymousreply 47November 15, 2023 9:17 PM

[quote]I'm the host's uninvited gay male roommate

I'm the rest of the guests, wondering why someone wouldn't invite his roommate to share Thanksgiving dinner with the group. Bitch must have done something unforgivable.

by Anonymousreply 48November 15, 2023 9:19 PM

I'm the rewatch of Auntie Mame. Again.

by Anonymousreply 49November 15, 2023 9:28 PM

I'm the pouting.

by Anonymousreply 50November 15, 2023 9:29 PM

I'm the gin and regret.

by Anonymousreply 51November 15, 2023 9:35 PM

I'm the disappearance of the young lasagna-hating, vegan straggler into the roommate's bedroom.

by Anonymousreply 52November 15, 2023 9:38 PM

Op you don’t have to pretend. Neither do most of the people replying as this their reality.

by Anonymousreply 53November 15, 2023 9:54 PM

I'm the text in the group thread 30 mins into the event:

"Hey guys, my boyfriend just got back in town tonight and he's not feeling well. I don't think we're going to make it tonight, sorry =/"

by Anonymousreply 54November 15, 2023 10:05 PM

Lame thread when this is your life. Boo.

by Anonymousreply 55November 15, 2023 10:08 PM

R36 or just someone he is casually seeing at the time who chooses to come to finally live their truth and really learn what this culture is like.

by Anonymousreply 56November 15, 2023 10:13 PM

I'm the lesbian neighbor smirking as she passes one of the guests in the vestibule as he heads out for a quick smoke. "Celebrating Indigenous People's Day? I'm sure you are. No way a marginalized group is celebrating colonizers today. Enjoy your dead bird!"

by Anonymousreply 57November 15, 2023 10:46 PM

I’m the hostess apron.

by Anonymousreply 58November 15, 2023 10:53 PM

I've known lesbians exactly as r57 describes. They all need a punch in the cunt.

by Anonymousreply 59November 15, 2023 10:59 PM

I'm two old friends and long-ago fuckbuddies sitting on the sofa after dinner, catching up . The horrifying realization dawns on them both separately, slowly: They're talking about who's died, who's sick, who had orthopedic surgery. They sound like their own grandparents.

by Anonymousreply 60November 15, 2023 11:00 PM

R57 That was last month, no?

I assume lesbians would know that.

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by Anonymousreply 61November 15, 2023 11:00 PM

The day after Thanksgiving is Native American Heritage Day, R61. The dyke probably just got confused, but if asked, she would no doubt say that every day is Indigenous People's Day when you're living on stolen land.

by Anonymousreply 62November 15, 2023 11:04 PM

We're Kim and Kristie, regaling the other guests with tales of the latest happenings down at the animal shelter.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 63November 15, 2023 11:04 PM

I'm the unmistakable smell of vodka coming from Paul's direction as he mentions he got his 10 year chip last week and shakily sips an orange juice.

by Anonymousreply 64November 15, 2023 11:08 PM

I'm the mystery odor everyone's been smelling all evening which turns out to be dog shit on the bottom of someone's shoe and tracked throughout the house.

by Anonymousreply 65November 16, 2023 12:09 AM


by Anonymousreply 66November 16, 2023 12:46 AM

I'm the "it's turkey lurkey time" video that is reenacted

by Anonymousreply 67November 16, 2023 2:50 AM

I'm Wilma Mankiller, protesting on the sidewalk.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 68November 16, 2023 4:17 AM

I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard at a thread on DL

by Anonymousreply 69November 16, 2023 4:37 AM

I’m the Carol Channing corn jokes.

by Anonymousreply 70November 16, 2023 11:08 AM

I'm the free-range, heritage-breed, no-GMO, no-antibiotic turkey from a local farm. I was bought at Whole Foods for $4.99 a pound, but it's worth it to splurge sometimes on something really special when the boys get together, as the host informs the guests when he serves me.

I am stringy and bone dry.

"Well, you can certainly taste the 'organic' in this turkey!" Michael opines. "You'd never confuse it for one of those big, juicy supermarket Butterballs."

by Anonymousreply 71November 16, 2023 12:48 PM

I'm the lube, I mean, gravy

by Anonymousreply 72November 16, 2023 12:57 PM

I'm the hold-hands-and-listen-to-a-rambling-prayer moment. Nobody really enjoys this banal ritual, but the host is a holier-than-thou eldergay Chinese man hosting the Friendsgiving in his apartment, big enough for six, but holding thirty "family of choice" members.

Most of the attendees would rather be anywhere else, but they fear what the attendees would say about them if they weren't there.

by Anonymousreply 73November 16, 2023 1:27 PM

that sounds super unfamiliar to this eldergay

by Anonymousreply 74November 16, 2023 1:28 PM

I'm the toast. "To absent friends. You're still with us in spirit."

I'm the moment of silence as every attendee's memory flashes to the eternally young face of someone they once cared about.

I'm the host's forced merriment as he interrupts his own reverie to say, "Let's eat, everyone, before it gets cold!"

by Anonymousreply 75November 16, 2023 1:33 PM

I’m the gin

and the sorrow

by Anonymousreply 76November 16, 2023 1:37 PM

That's called "residoodoo," r40.

by Anonymousreply 77November 16, 2023 1:40 PM

I’m the group’s hourly checking in on “the Davids” instagram feed, watching their bitter, drunken antics grow more and more bizarre.

At the last check-in, it was a duet of “Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better.”

….both were wrong.

by Anonymousreply 78November 16, 2023 2:03 PM

Oh, Dear!

by Anonymousreply 79November 16, 2023 2:07 PM

[quote] I'm the indigestion caused by suppressing a fart all evening.

This is an *eldergay* Friendsgiving. No farts are being suppressed.

by Anonymousreply 80November 16, 2023 2:46 PM

I'm the loving atmosphere that comes of seeing friends sitting around the table, still in good health and doing okay financially. Sorry, that's all I got.

by Anonymousreply 81November 16, 2023 3:10 PM

I'm the T-day potluck, with cheapskates bringing church basement-type offerings like orange Jello*with carrot shreds and Rice Krispie treats.

by Anonymousreply 82November 16, 2023 4:34 PM

I'm the laughter, the inside jokes, the camaraderie, and the simple pleasures of preparing and eating a good meal together. Also the quiet gratitude that we're all still around to share quality time with each other even if it's not that often anymore.

by Anonymousreply 83November 16, 2023 5:22 PM

I'm the nephew, Joel.

by Anonymousreply 84November 16, 2023 5:31 PM

I’m the colorful and festive variety of tattersall shirts and matching sweaters.

by Anonymousreply 85November 16, 2023 5:37 PM

I'm the three large pies, a cheesecake, and two half-gallons of Häagen-Dazs ice cream. When I am served, every guest insists in turn that they will have "just a tiny sliver of pie, really -- no, even tinier than that, please" and "the teensiest scoop of the Dulce de Leche ice cream."

Yet within an hour nothing remains of me but crumbs and two empty tubs.

by Anonymousreply 86November 16, 2023 6:24 PM

I'm the brie en croute and chocolate tart that the broke gay guest brought. The well-heeled straight guest brought nothing but her humongus appetite and her annoying laugh. Both will go home with boxes of food but the straight pig is getting disinvited next year if I have anything to say about it.

by Anonymousreply 87November 16, 2023 6:44 PM

I'm the silent tears and sobs in the bathroom from the host. No one complimented his glittered pinecone display that he spent four hours making.

He's also drunk.

by Anonymousreply 88November 16, 2023 6:46 PM

Geez, this thread is so depressing.

by Anonymousreply 89November 16, 2023 7:31 PM

I’m mother’s crystal sherry glasses elegantly arranged on a silver tray.

by Anonymousreply 90November 16, 2023 7:38 PM

I am the sour mood of Mike who has to prep for a colonoscopy the week after and cannot eat anything with fibers.

by Anonymousreply 91November 16, 2023 7:45 PM

I'm the guest who brings a couple of empty containers so I can snag some leftovers for the delicious leftover-turkey sandwich I'll make the next day (which is usually better than the rest of the actual meal). Hosts are happy to oblige because they can offload some extra food and they don't have to kiss their LockNLock containers goodbye.

by Anonymousreply 92November 16, 2023 8:07 PM

I am the glucose monitors on several guests all alarming in quick succession 20 minutes after the sweet potato and marshmallow casserole is served..

by Anonymousreply 93November 16, 2023 8:15 PM

I'm the Christmas vests already being pulled out of the mothballs.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 94November 16, 2023 8:36 PM

I’m the back-handed compliments about the pie crust consistency. I lead to a months long estrangement.

by Anonymousreply 95November 16, 2023 11:09 PM

I’m somebody’s 33-year-old twunk partner, recently usurped by the twink mentioned upthread. I used to be the youngest at these things.

I’m mostly checking my phone, occasionally looking up to try and steer the Barbra memoir convo to Britney’s book.

by Anonymousreply 96November 16, 2023 11:20 PM

I'm Todd's annual recitation of the Gloria Upson/Bunny Bixler ping pong ball incident from Auntie Mame. Complete with arm gestures.

by Anonymousreply 97November 16, 2023 11:31 PM

I’m the one Lucy fan who gets into a heated argument with Lansbury and Russell fans as the “Mame” shenanigans continue.

by Anonymousreply 98November 16, 2023 11:33 PM

I'm Turkey Lurkey Time on a karaoke loop.

by Anonymousreply 99November 16, 2023 11:40 PM

I’m the dance line-up

by Anonymousreply 100November 17, 2023 2:23 AM

[quote] I’m mother’s crystal sherry glasses elegantly arranged on a silver tray.

I’m the tongue lashing the young guest receives when he picks up a glass without asking. They’re for display only.

by Anonymousreply 101November 17, 2023 2:28 AM

I'm the request for sparkling water that ends with the host coming from the kitchen with a can and yelling, "LACROIX, SWEETIE, LACROIX!"

Everyone roars except for the 33-year-old and the twunk.

by Anonymousreply 102November 17, 2023 2:59 AM

I'm Brad. I arrive bearing one, maybe two, bottles of wine (under $10 per bottle, each, probably from Trader Joe's). My glass, however, is filled with the Malbec that Brian brought.

Brad, again. I'm starving. Haven't eaten ALL day. I'm at the buffet table, getting first crack at everything. (My wine glass is in a safe spot while I load up my plate.)

by Anonymousreply 103November 17, 2023 3:14 AM

I'm the freshly polished and dusted main decorative showstopper in the cramped salon: the Maison Jansen brass AND chrome chinoiserie etagère loaded with earth-toned Jugendstil majolica. Several guests sit idly pondering how this affair might be less uneasy making. If only the etagere wasn't two-toned? Swap the dingy majolica for mid-century Bitossi? Greasefire?

by Anonymousreply 104November 17, 2023 3:37 AM

I'm the quick exit at the end of the meal when the host discovers the dishwasher is not working and ask for help in hand washing all the dishes and utensils.

by Anonymousreply 105November 17, 2023 4:07 AM

I’m the Royal Doulton with the hand-painted periwinkles.

by Anonymousreply 106November 17, 2023 4:32 AM

I’m the embarrassment and gagging from the gays when Beth and Tank recognise the turkey baster as the same one they borrowed for their failed insemination attempt.

by Anonymousreply 107November 17, 2023 5:09 AM

I am the realization that each of the attendees posts snarky shit on Datalounge .

by Anonymousreply 108November 17, 2023 6:22 AM


by Anonymousreply 109November 17, 2023 11:45 AM

I'm the moist-eyed toast to friends and lovers who died of AIDS 30 to 40 years ago.

by Anonymousreply 110November 17, 2023 11:49 AM

I'm the moist-ass hot appetizers that one friend insisted upon bringing and hogging the oven with

by Anonymousreply 111November 17, 2023 12:35 PM

I'm the loud moaning coming from the roommate's room as he gets his own turkey stuffed by that horndog Brad

by Anonymousreply 112November 17, 2023 1:19 PM

I'm the guest rearranging tchotchkes on the sly.

by Anonymousreply 113November 17, 2023 1:56 PM

I’m rival queens hissing at each other with their eyes.

by Anonymousreply 114November 17, 2023 2:17 PM

I'm the long gone gay be these friends spent the 1980s in. They all wish they could go back for a twirl one more time.

by Anonymousreply 115November 17, 2023 2:26 PM

long gone gay bar

by Anonymousreply 116November 17, 2023 2:26 PM

I'm the conspiracy theories about the Covid vaccines causing people to drop dead that everyone starts talking about after a few sippy poos.

by Anonymousreply 117November 17, 2023 2:27 PM

I'm the Datalounger who intones "I have sufficient" after being offered seconds. He's disheartened to discover that no one else understands the reference.

by Anonymousreply 118November 17, 2023 2:51 PM

I’m the Frasier and Niles-esque snickering that occurs when one guest insists cranberry sauce should be in the shape of the can.

by Anonymousreply 119November 17, 2023 3:13 PM

I'm the jeering laughter when the group prisspot accidentally lets out a fart after his third cocktail.

by Anonymousreply 120November 17, 2023 4:32 PM

I’m the pretentious queen prancing around in my velvet Versace loafers.

by Anonymousreply 121November 17, 2023 5:12 PM

I'm the ham-handed fumble two of the old friends have in the pantry which results in careless whispers

by Anonymousreply 122November 17, 2023 8:56 PM

Sex in the cities

by Anonymousreply 123November 18, 2023 12:53 AM

r112, My coat is on that bed!

by Anonymousreply 124November 18, 2023 1:15 AM

I'm Jack. Wine is flowing all around the house, more wine than anyone can imagine, glasses tinkling, everyone getting into the Thanksgiving spirit. I hate wine. My consternation that the hosts haven't opened their bar and they don't even have any Coca-Cola is growing by the minute. Knowing it's gonna be ice water for me all afternoon is likely to darken the festivities considerably.

by Anonymousreply 125November 18, 2023 1:26 AM

I'm the next door neighbor who calls the police once the Ethel Merman routine begins in the outdoor hot tub at 1 in the morning.

by Anonymousreply 126November 18, 2023 1:52 AM

I'm the gram of coke, snuck in by two of the guests who take it in turns to have a sneaky line between courses because this dinner is so DULL.

by Anonymousreply 127November 18, 2023 2:09 AM

I’m the old queen who used to do drag. My persona comes out more and more with each drink in the form of very loud, but forced, bitchy quips. I cause a lot of eye-rolling.

by Anonymousreply 128November 18, 2023 2:18 AM

I’m the host’s unstable ex who stumbles in to drop off his keys late in the evening, causing a bitter stir like Betty Lynn in ANOTHER WOMAN.

Everyone’s terribly uncomfortable.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 129November 18, 2023 2:23 AM

I'm the gag rat the host serves up to his queeniest guest, a la Bette to Joan in Baby Jane. No one under 50 gets the joke.

by Anonymousreply 130November 18, 2023 2:25 AM

I'm Connie Green Bean Casserole.

by Anonymousreply 131November 18, 2023 2:28 AM

I’m the twunk getting humped by Brad on the kitchen counter. I delay serving dessert by about twenty minutes, but those seated in the dining room seem to enjoy the noise.

by Anonymousreply 132November 18, 2023 2:32 AM

I'm the reference to Greg's prunes. No one under 60 gets the joke.

by Anonymousreply 133November 18, 2023 2:32 AM

R130 I’m the rubber worms put in the leftover turkey sandwich the next day, referencing the Redgrave remake. Not even the recipient gets that joke.

by Anonymousreply 134November 18, 2023 2:35 AM

I'm the days and weeks spent agonising over table displays, centre pieces and other frivolities, contrasted by the few hours given to what food to defrost and serve.

by Anonymousreply 135November 18, 2023 2:36 AM

I'm Sheldon (or "Shel," for short). I'm the drama queen of the group. People take turns listening to me talk about my latest family and work dramas. Pete's the only one in the group who rolls his eyes right in my face. I avoid Pete until I've fully vented my frustrations to everyone else at this Friendsgiving.

by Anonymousreply 136November 18, 2023 2:40 AM

I’m Chuck finding a wire hanger in the coat closet. Everyone sighs, knowing what is to come.

by Anonymousreply 137November 18, 2023 2:46 AM

I'm the last minute cancellations from invitees when they hear Chuck is on the guest list.

by Anonymousreply 138November 18, 2023 2:51 AM

I'm the 4 in a group of 1s and 2s. I'm so getting laid tonight!

by Anonymousreply 139November 18, 2023 2:55 AM

I'm the half-arsed, ill-informed political debate. "Israel should so let Darfur Orphan back in to Palestine"

by Anonymousreply 140November 18, 2023 3:01 AM

I’m Jeffrey’s complete lack of willpower when it comes to seconds and thirds. He blames the host for his ever spreading figure.

“You’re the one who turned me into this…POTATO that you see before us!”

by Anonymousreply 141November 18, 2023 3:04 AM

I show up with booze and get drunk, stay drunk and leave drunk. I take an Uber home but won’t come back for my car until after December 2nd.

by Anonymousreply 142November 18, 2023 3:08 AM

I'm the inevitable disintegration of the group post dessert. The elder eldergays retreat to the 'lounge' to watch I Love Lucy on betamax. The middling elders hang out in the kitchen discussing the Royal Family.

Those under 45 try their damnedest to get a wifi signal so they can uber the fuck outta there.

by Anonymousreply 143November 18, 2023 3:10 AM

I'm the eldergay who keeps slipping out to the porch for a Parliament.

I miss the days when everyone smoked and the smokers had their own party within a party.

by Anonymousreply 144November 18, 2023 3:11 AM

I’m the hasty reintegration of the group when Brian calls out for all to hear that “The Davids” have uploaded a sex tape to PornHub.

by Anonymousreply 145November 18, 2023 3:15 AM

I'm the snarky asides at the elder host's lack of libido.

"So, you stuffed it yourself?" (turkey)

"Is it usually this soft" (mashed potato)

by Anonymousreply 146November 18, 2023 3:15 AM

I'm the host's elderly pug dog, "Jazz," short for Jasmine. I've been mingling with guests, accepting handouts. I'll probably vomit, at some point, on one of the Oriental carpets.

by Anonymousreply 147November 18, 2023 3:16 AM

I actually wish I had an eldergay thanksgiving to go to. So many of my friends have moved away, dropped dead or are traveling.

I got a halfhearted text invitation today from my brother wanting to know if I’m “coming or not?” This is the first I’ve heard of a family (three of us) Thanksgiving dinner and actually it is the first time I’ve heard from since Easter.

The dinner is going to be take-out from one of those smoked BBQ joints.

by Anonymousreply 148November 18, 2023 3:21 AM

I’m the nude roommate calling out “I have NOT had sufficient,” prompting the twink and the twunk to collide in a race to the bedroom door.

by Anonymousreply 149November 18, 2023 3:27 AM

I'm the one toilet in the whole house.

Guests can't avoid the sight of a cobwebbed douche, hemorrhoid ointment, denture adhesive.

by Anonymousreply 150November 18, 2023 3:31 AM

I’m Chuck giving Tony the Heimlich manoeuvre.

Neither stops after the bit of turkey’s been hacked up.

by Anonymousreply 151November 18, 2023 3:48 AM

I'm the fiesta ware. This year I remain safely in storage after a near fatal incident last year involving a sunset orange bowl being used in a bukkake scenario.

by Anonymousreply 152November 18, 2023 4:21 AM

I’m the host angrily wanting to know who shoved a buttplug into the turkey’s cavity.

Nobody’s confessing, everybody’s giggling.

by Anonymousreply 153November 18, 2023 5:47 AM

I'm Mary Tyler Moore. Yes, I know I'm long dead. But dammit I feel alive, for two brief hours, as these aging, balding gays talk about the good ol' days with a little sadness, a little laughter, and a helluva lot of pluck.

by Anonymousreply 154November 18, 2023 6:18 AM

I’m the “fashionably late” arrival of Dwight and Algernon, whose uncanny resemblance to Mitch and Cam makes everyone lose their appetite.

by Anonymousreply 155November 18, 2023 7:36 AM

I'm a pair of the roommate's worn briefs that once of the party guests steals from the laundry pamper. No chance I got these mixed up with the hosts as they're 4 times smaller

by Anonymousreply 156November 18, 2023 8:56 AM

I’m Shel’s failed attempts to disguise his hatred of the green bean casserole, looking like Lucy swigging Vitametavegamin with each bite.

Icy glares ensue, followed by Sheldon’s snarky “may I be excuuuused?”

by Anonymousreply 157November 18, 2023 9:46 AM


by Anonymousreply 158November 18, 2023 10:10 AM

I’m spinning Out of Control!

by Anonymousreply 159November 18, 2023 10:47 AM

R158, was that in response to R157?

I was referencing earlier posts that mentioned drama queen Sheldon and a green bean casserole.

by Anonymousreply 160November 18, 2023 10:48 AM

Oh, Sheldon, please, Sheldon.

by Anonymousreply 161November 18, 2023 10:51 AM

I’m the drunken queen’s idea to re-enact the Thanksgiving food fight from Cheers. I go down like a ton of bricks.

by Anonymousreply 162November 18, 2023 10:58 AM

[quote]I’m the one of the group who always had a babyface and recently got Botox and now looks like a cross between Neil Patric Harris and a stroke victim. —Teacake

We always suspected you were.

by Anonymousreply 163November 18, 2023 11:01 AM

[quote]the laundry pamper

Oh, dear.

by Anonymousreply 164November 18, 2023 11:10 AM

I'm the truly insane friend trying to reenact the nasty family meal from "the Bear"

by Anonymousreply 165November 18, 2023 11:20 AM

I’m “Everything’s Coming Up Roses” loaded onto the karaoke machine for after dinner.

I’m sung with the modified “Vel commercial” lyrics.

by Anonymousreply 166November 18, 2023 11:32 AM

I’m Bruce’s light and creamy pumpkin chiffon pie.

by Anonymousreply 167November 18, 2023 12:28 PM

I’m the host’s hysterics when a glop of Bruce’s light and creamy pumpkin chiffon pie lands on mother’s Portuguese lace table runner.

by Anonymousreply 168November 18, 2023 12:31 PM

Sparkles will lick it up

by Anonymousreply 169November 18, 2023 1:18 PM

I'm the am-dram performer who never quite made it big, dying for an opening to recreate the dinner scene from August: Osage County. I spent 2 hours last night making sure I had Violet's lines perfect. Who wants to be Barb?

by Anonymousreply 170November 18, 2023 3:21 PM

I'm the drive thru' McDonalds all the dinner guests visit separately en route home from the dinner party.

by Anonymousreply 171November 18, 2023 3:25 PM

I’m “Cousin Mildred.”

No, I’m not a real cousin…I’m the host’s drag alter-ego he trots out to serve the hors d’oeuvres.

The pink suit is from the 80s and the buttons no longer fasten, while the Shirley Temple wig is in dire need of a thorough shampooing.

I make every guest in attendance question his life choices.

by Anonymousreply 172November 18, 2023 4:15 PM

I am the hideous Peruvian street art every guest feels compelled to complement.

by Anonymousreply 173November 18, 2023 4:17 PM

I am the new boyfriend, a hideous Peruvian street whore every guest feels compelled to complement.

by Anonymousreply 174November 18, 2023 4:54 PM

I'm R174 and at least 4 of these hissing Queens make a not-so-subtle pass at me, one even trying to follow me into the bathroom to 'pet my polla'!

They assume because I'm hot and foreign I'm anyone's for a few bucks but don't realise that I'm in love with their buddy and love riding on his beercan cock on the daily.

by Anonymousreply 175November 18, 2023 5:07 PM

I’m the arthritis and incontinence.

by Anonymousreply 176November 18, 2023 5:21 PM

I'm the more intense discussion about Britney Jean's memoir.

by Anonymousreply 177November 18, 2023 5:25 PM

It's compliment, not complement, the way you guys are using the word.

by Anonymousreply 178November 18, 2023 5:26 PM

I’m Jonathan swiftly and sharply correcting Robert when the latter refers to the dressing as stuffing.

by Anonymousreply 179November 18, 2023 5:27 PM

I'm Bill. I'm ladling gravy on top of everything that's on my plate.

People are shooting daggers at me because there's never enough gravy to go around at the Friendsgiving.

by Anonymousreply 180November 18, 2023 5:33 PM

I’m flatulent Phil letting one loose near a candle, causing mother’s red velvet drapes to go up in flames.

by Anonymousreply 181November 18, 2023 5:39 PM

I'm the eager bottom who has a Scruff date with a hung daddy top later that night. As I stares longingly at the meal, I tell everyone I just came from my family Tday dinner and am too stuffed for even one more bite. Oh, my family lives outside of Phoenix.

by Anonymousreply 182November 18, 2023 5:47 PM

I’m the argument snout whether it’s stuffing or dressing.

by Anonymousreply 183November 18, 2023 6:57 PM

[quote]It's compliment, not complement, the way you guys are using the word.

I'm someone's last invitation. to Friendsgiving.

by Anonymousreply 184November 18, 2023 7:14 PM

I am Frank, the fat slob, briefly fit and hot at 22, who has given up decades ago and thoroughly enjoys the meal and the third servings.

by Anonymousreply 185November 18, 2023 7:47 PM

I'm Frank's lack of table manners, loudly and unashamedly belching and commenting about his hope that the host has a strong flush on his 'crapper'. I almost cause 2 seperate fainting spells and much consternation.

by Anonymousreply 186November 18, 2023 7:54 PM

I’m the host’s gift from Deanie the Lesbian: a jar of Crisco and a handwritten note announcing “Happy Fistgiving!”

by Anonymousreply 187November 18, 2023 7:57 PM

[quote]I am the hideous Peruvian street art every guest feels compelled to complement.

OMG I almost choked reading this, it is SO true

by Anonymousreply 188November 18, 2023 7:59 PM

I'm the Gen Z friends who arrived late, empty-handed, unkempt looking and with a list of food and pronoun restrictions.

by Anonymousreply 189November 18, 2023 8:00 PM

I’m all the guests sitting and watching David choke himself to death.

by Anonymousreply 190November 18, 2023 8:39 PM

I’m the homeowner furiously checking his insurance policy

by Anonymousreply 191November 18, 2023 8:41 PM

I'm the host's internal voice: "Sweet Lord Jesus, I am NEVER doing this again!".

by Anonymousreply 192November 18, 2023 9:02 PM

[quote]I’m flatulent Phil letting one loose near a candle, causing mother’s red velvet drapes to go up in flames.

Mother should be accustomed to flamers by now.

by Anonymousreply 193November 19, 2023 2:25 AM

I am the fear that most of this is true as I am nearing the Thursday dinner.

by Anonymousreply 194November 19, 2023 3:28 AM

I'm the still-frozen turkey which the hosts were sure would thaw in just 24 hours. I'll be roasted deliciously next Sunday when the unexpectedly vegetarian Thanksgiving is just a horrifying memory and the hosts can have it all to themselves.

by Anonymousreply 195November 19, 2023 3:47 AM

I’m one of the Gen Z’ers with a dead cellphone, attempting to call an Uber on the host’s rotary phone.

I’ll never be able to leave this place.

by Anonymousreply 196November 19, 2023 6:32 AM

I'm Grindr getting a rigourous workout today. Most of the guests are discretely (so they think) are usng me to find some post-Friendsgiving coitus.

by Anonymousreply 197November 19, 2023 11:13 AM

And ALL of those guests that are on Grindr are using profile pics at least 15 years out of date. ^^^^

by Anonymousreply 198November 19, 2023 11:21 AM

I’m the unexpected power outage, promoting everyone in attendance (excluding the Gen Z’ers, the twink and the twunk) to launch into a simultaneous rendition of Julia Sugarbaker’s “The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia” rant.

by Anonymousreply 199November 19, 2023 11:29 AM

I'm the guest scrolling Grindr on the toilet and wondering how it's possible for 8 ripped hot guys to be 10 feet away from me.

by Anonymousreply 200November 19, 2023 11:43 AM

I’m the gasps that ensue when one of the youngins asks “Judy who?”

Cue whipping out the Carnegie Hall LPs.

by Anonymousreply 201November 19, 2023 12:10 PM

I am the Diana Scream reenactment when the humorous (or so he thinks) Twink suddenly announces that Madonna is dead.

by Anonymousreply 202November 19, 2023 12:54 PM

I am the bag of meth waiting in Doug’s backpack. I may come out after David and David and the obnoxious queen are gone and the twink sends the right signals.

by Anonymousreply 203November 19, 2023 1:10 PM

I’m the argument about how pecan pie should be pronounced.

by Anonymousreply 204November 19, 2023 1:49 PM

I am the gratefulness that we are still here, with warts and all, although we expected to die before 40. I am a genuine feeling.

by Anonymousreply 205November 19, 2023 2:22 PM

I'm the empty bottles of Pinot Noir.

by Anonymousreply 206November 19, 2023 2:32 PM

I am that roiling anxiety that picks up speed on Thanksgiving week - what have I done to offend? I haven’t gotten any of the usual check ins or calls - even the poor frumpy Houlihan sisters from my childhood …. Have I been too flip? Did everyone believe me when I said I wasn’t “doing” Thanksgiving this year? …… My normal fast food places are closed Thursday ….. Let me check my texts ……. Marie Callandars - a turkey tv dinner ….Well, I have to give the cat his sub q fluids anyway ….. I should go volunteer and feed the homeless . …. snap out of it look at those poor people in Israel and Gaza …… Is there going to be a West Wing Marathon? …….

by Anonymousreply 207November 19, 2023 2:40 PM

R207, you can go to the restaurant I'm scheduled to eat at on Thursday. I'd love to stay home with Marie Callender's instead.

by Anonymousreply 208November 19, 2023 2:54 PM

I’m the pills

by Anonymousreply 209November 19, 2023 4:36 PM

I’m the Aldi Bailey’s Irish Cream knock-off discarded by the host as an unworthy complement to his feast. When the gin dries up I will be hurled into shot glasses to keep the party going.

by Anonymousreply 210November 19, 2023 4:45 PM

I’m the in-depth comparisons of Barbra’s audiobook to Michelle Williams’s rendition of Britney’s audiobook.

by Anonymousreply 211November 19, 2023 5:03 PM

[quote]most of the guests are discretely Oh, dear.

by Anonymousreply 212November 19, 2023 5:06 PM

I was the 20-something "young straggler" at one of these events and got a tongue-lashing from some old queen for not going into the kitchen to help wash dishes afterward. Most of what I'm reading in this thread is pretty spot on.

by Anonymousreply 213November 19, 2023 5:31 PM

Well? Did you go into the kitchen to help wash dishes?

by Anonymousreply 214November 19, 2023 5:36 PM

I got out of it by dropping trou, R214

by Anonymousreply 215November 19, 2023 5:59 PM

better to put out than put up

by Anonymousreply 216November 19, 2023 8:00 PM

I am the liquid accident Flatulent Bill has as he tries to silently pass one. I am slowly working my way down the left leg…

by Anonymousreply 217November 19, 2023 8:34 PM

I’m the Nathan Lane-esque guest who catches on to Bill’s accident.

“Oh my god, did you SHIT!?!? Get off the carpet NOW! Next time, wear a buttplug or Depends! Preferably both!”

by Anonymousreply 218November 19, 2023 9:18 PM

Im the Bruce Villanch -like guest who screams: “wear a napkin for god’s sake!”

by Anonymousreply 219November 19, 2023 10:01 PM

I'm Bruce Villanch's t-shirt with a snarky quote that is smeared with turkey gravy and pumpkin pie.

by Anonymousreply 220November 19, 2023 10:08 PM

Gross R217 Is flatulence that common among the eldergays?

by Anonymousreply 221November 19, 2023 10:19 PM

“That bothers me”

by Anonymousreply 222November 19, 2023 10:19 PM

R215 did you let more than one guest sample the delights of your hot young body?

by Anonymousreply 223November 19, 2023 10:23 PM

When did gays become so obsessed with shit and farting?

by Anonymousreply 224November 19, 2023 10:36 PM

When they got old.

Watch Golden Bachelor.

The old ladies are obsessed with gas and farting.

by Anonymousreply 225November 19, 2023 10:44 PM

Let’s just say that certain muscles are not as tight as they used to be, R224.

by Anonymousreply 226November 19, 2023 11:20 PM

And kegels can only do some much

by Anonymousreply 227November 19, 2023 11:23 PM

R213, did you get ravished in the vintage chopping block?

by Anonymousreply 228November 19, 2023 11:43 PM

This is being older, gay or straight or whatever

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 229November 19, 2023 11:51 PM

I’m the playful “Mommie Dearest” banter between courses (“you’re not getting up from this table until you have Finished. That. Dark. Meat!”)

I’m ground to a halt when one of the Gen-Z’ers says it’s “triggering” because he has a “ narcissistic” mother.

Deafening silence, followed by Todd’s “Declan, I want to talk to you…in the OTHER room!”

by Anonymousreply 230November 20, 2023 6:17 AM

A little after dinner dancing:

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by Anonymousreply 231November 20, 2023 7:36 AM

I'm the consternation that 'Gone With The Wind' isn't being shown anywhere on TV. The host offers his Blu-Ray copy but the guest claims "It isn't the same.."

by Anonymousreply 232November 20, 2023 9:34 AM

I’m Algernon’s slides from Fire Island, 1996.

by Anonymousreply 233November 20, 2023 11:06 AM

I’m the quiet fury around the table when one of Bryan’s twinks holds up Liza’s Results CD and asks who this is….

by Anonymousreply 234November 20, 2023 12:12 PM

I'm the raucous guests blasting music in the kitchen, and the quiet, conversational types holed up in the bedroom because someone's toddler claimed the TV in the Living Room. Every half hour there's a failed attempt at cross pollination, but we all end up right back where we started.

by Anonymousreply 235November 20, 2023 3:38 PM

I'm the realization, while looking at photos of Friendsgivings past, that the number of new guests invited to supplement those who've moved away exceed the few remaining members of the original group for the first time. It's always nice to get together and meet new people, but it will never be the same...

by Anonymousreply 236November 20, 2023 3:40 PM

"When did gays become so obsessed with shit and farting?"

Certainly not prior to fucking. Nothing worse than a shitty, undouched hole.

by Anonymousreply 237November 20, 2023 5:41 PM

I'll never attend a friendsgiving at any home without a bidet.

by Anonymousreply 238November 20, 2023 6:59 PM

I’m the guests raving about the host’s “homemade” stuffing, while the box of StoveTop lies hiding at the bottom of the trash can.

by Anonymousreply 239November 20, 2023 11:10 PM

I’m just raving

by Anonymousreply 240November 21, 2023 1:40 AM

I’m the serving tray.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 241November 21, 2023 9:32 AM

I'm the trigger warning that needs to accompany R241!

by Anonymousreply 242November 21, 2023 10:23 AM

I'm the guest misreading the tray as an invitation for "later".

by Anonymousreply 243November 21, 2023 10:36 AM

r242=MichFest alumna

by Anonymousreply 244November 21, 2023 3:09 PM

I’m the intense debates about who is better Madonna or Cindy Lauper.

by Anonymousreply 245November 21, 2023 3:15 PM

I'm the after-dinner surprise Jarvis brought from the "Get It While It's Hot Erotic Bake Shop". I'm not in the shape of Florida..

by Anonymousreply 246November 21, 2023 3:22 PM

[quote] someone's toddler claimed the TV in the Living Room.

There are no toddlers at an eldergay Friendsgiving.

by Anonymousreply 247November 21, 2023 3:33 PM

the thought is inconceivable

by Anonymousreply 248November 21, 2023 6:24 PM

I'm the closed bedroom door with someone sobbing on the other side.

The host whispers to his other guests, "Something made him think about Roger."

Everyone nods sympathetically.

by Anonymousreply 249November 21, 2023 7:31 PM

R245, I'm the young friend (age 42) who blithely interjects that Madonna and Cyndi are OK if you like nostalgia acts, but for sheer talent and staying power, Janet is the ultimate Diva.

I don't realize that I have just branded myself Persona Non Grata with everyone in the room. There won't be a Friendsgiving for me next November.

by Anonymousreply 250November 21, 2023 7:54 PM

I’m one of mother’s crystal candy bowls, passed around as a tip jar to try and persuade the twunk to clear the table in the nude.

by Anonymousreply 251November 21, 2023 10:01 PM

I’m the flicker effect electric candle next to mother’s urn.

by Anonymousreply 252November 21, 2023 11:36 PM

I am the Eldergay reading the “Let’s be an Eldergay Friendsgiving” threat out loud during the Eldergay Friendsgiving.

by Anonymousreply 253November 21, 2023 11:50 PM

I'm sudden and collective anal tightening when, unexpectedly, Jeryth arrives and announces their pronouns.

by Anonymousreply 254November 21, 2023 11:51 PM

I'm the host's apron with its cunning colorful drawings of shirtless construction workers.

by Anonymousreply 255November 21, 2023 11:57 PM

I'm the large bowl of colorful gourds with the rotten ones hidden at the bottom.

by Anonymousreply 256November 21, 2023 11:58 PM

I’m the vintage steve kelso colt calendar in the bathroom

by Anonymousreply 257November 22, 2023 2:51 AM

I'm the guest hand towels in the bathroom. These towels are more decorative than absorbent. Nobody really likes using them. Paper towels would have been better. Oh, well.

I'm the roll of toilet paper that has maybe 7 sheets left on it. Steve will be bold enough to open up the under-sink cabinet and dig out an extra roll.

by Anonymousreply 258November 22, 2023 2:59 AM

I’m the pumpkin spice condoms in a bowl by the door.

by Anonymousreply 259November 22, 2023 3:21 AM

I'm the host who is SO grateful to Mabel (practically a member of the family!) who polished silver all week long and is now "helping out" in the kitchen.

by Anonymousreply 260November 22, 2023 3:23 AM

I'm Jason, at 28 the closest thing this gathering will have to a twink. I pestered the host repeatedly with "what should I bring," and was told, "Bring some good vanilla ice cream for the pie." I show up with a carton of already melting Blue Bunny Neapolitan "frozen dairy dessert" in a translucent plastic ShopRite bag. I hand it to the host, who takes it with an expression of undisguised disgust. I don't notice because I'm off to hug/shriek in recognition of Brad across the room.

by Anonymousreply 261November 22, 2023 1:15 PM

I’m brad going into anaphylactic shock upon. eating red dye number two in the ice cream

by Anonymousreply 262November 22, 2023 2:09 PM

I'm Danielle, the fag hag with the big gift box of homemade gluten-free cookies that everyone will feel obligated to sample before they dig into the Costco chocolate pecan pie.

by Anonymousreply 263November 22, 2023 2:27 PM

I’m the keto fag and hated by all.

by Anonymousreply 264November 22, 2023 3:21 PM

I’m Jimmy and I’ve lost 40 pounds on Ozempic - with 10 more to go - since the last time these bitches saw me.

I gaze at all the food, eat nothing, burp a lot, and silently judge everyone here.

by Anonymousreply 265November 22, 2023 3:34 PM

I’m everyone judging the mudflaps hanging from Jimmy‘s arms

by Anonymousreply 266November 22, 2023 3:55 PM

I'm Mother's portrait hanging in the dining room, casting a cold, mirthless, disapproving gaze on the day's festivities.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 267November 22, 2023 4:48 PM

I’m the supremely depressing Thanksgiving night bathhouse visit on the way home. Just a quick stop.

by Anonymousreply 268November 22, 2023 4:54 PM

I'm the discussion about how they never got the appeal of Elaine Stritch.

"I mean I know we're all SUPPOSED to have liked her, but I just couldn't bear her. And yes I KNOW that makes me a bad gay, but I just COULDN'T with her."

by Anonymousreply 269November 22, 2023 4:57 PM

That’s not a cold look R267!

by Anonymousreply 270November 22, 2023 4:57 PM

I’m Friday’s devastating farts.

by Anonymousreply 271November 22, 2023 5:08 PM

I’m Miss Sissy Boodles hiding in terror under Mother’s old bed.

by Anonymousreply 272November 22, 2023 5:17 PM

I'm the beast with two backs made by Jason & Brad on R272, causing poor Miss Sissy Boodles to produce a puddle of piss, located approximately one week later by no-nonsense Mabel.

by Anonymousreply 273November 22, 2023 5:56 PM

I'm the formal tea service, which of course was Mother's, which will be wheeled out shortly.

by Anonymousreply 274November 22, 2023 5:58 PM

I am the sudden drop in mood when Bill reads the “Let’s be an Eldergay Friendsgiving” threat out loud during the Eldergay Friendsgiving. Because Mike, David, and David realize that someone writes about THEM!

by Anonymousreply 275November 22, 2023 6:17 PM

OH, The HUmanity!

by Anonymousreply 276November 22, 2023 7:03 PM

I am the words James drunkenly, loudly begins warbling, the words that strike terror in those who know him too well: "With my high starched collar and my high-top shoes...."

by Anonymousreply 277November 22, 2023 7:24 PM

Shaun and I attended the Eldergay Friendsgiving in San Diego on Monday night. Marc is flying back to Montgomery County (Philly) on Wed. for his older brother last turkey day. We went to Wharton together in the late 80's. He knows all my 80's and 1990's secrets from Philly and NYC. We had sooo many friends and lovers die from HIV, neither of us got sick.

Marc and I had a "1 question game" that we had to be completely honest with the answer we gave, no lies.

by Anonymousreply 278November 22, 2023 7:24 PM

i'm the BI%TCH

by Anonymousreply 279November 22, 2023 7:24 PM

I’m Miss Sissy Boodles. I’ve actually been stuffed since 2013.

by Anonymousreply 280November 22, 2023 7:31 PM

I'm that guest's little dog. Even though my masters assured the host I'd be no trouble, I've been shitting under the master bedroom's king sized bed.

by Anonymousreply 281November 22, 2023 7:33 PM

I'm Sheila. I wasn't invited, but after 4 bountiful glasses of Charlie Mingus' special-recipe egg nog, Alan disappears and Sheila takes over. "Alan? Who's Alan? My name is SHEILA! And I am FABULOUS!"

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by Anonymousreply 282November 22, 2023 7:34 PM

I’m Marc complimenting Rick and Steve on the track lighting. “It really brings out the vividness of the Peruvian street art!”

by Anonymousreply 283November 22, 2023 7:52 PM

I'm the underemployed gay working as a retail clerk who hates the world and is sharpening his claws to critique your cooking.

by Anonymousreply 284November 22, 2023 8:00 PM

I'm Barbra's Greatest Hits on the stereo.

by Anonymousreply 285November 22, 2023 8:03 PM

I'm Bette Midler's Greatest Hits, which has now replaced Barbra's Greatest Hits, playing on the stereo. This prompts one of the Davids to exclaim "I've always loved Bette Midler, she's such a hoot!"

by Anonymousreply 286November 22, 2023 8:09 PM

I’m Miss Sissy Boodle’s bed, a scale replica of her master’s.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 287November 22, 2023 8:12 PM

I am Robert's phone. I ring during the appetizer and Robert's face tenses up instantly when he sees the screen. He leaves the table to take the call and snippets are heard through the bedroom door. "Yes, of [italic]course[/italic] I care about them. .... Because I didn't want to bother them while they were with their cousins --Oh, HI, sweetie! How is everything? Are you having a good meal at Grandma's?..."

by Anonymousreply 288November 22, 2023 8:18 PM

r288 = Mart Crowley

by Anonymousreply 289November 22, 2023 8:51 PM

I'm the "stereo" that they're playing the Barbara and Bette records on.

Milton yelled to "turn down that HiFi".

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by Anonymousreply 290November 22, 2023 9:48 PM

R284, that’s called a shopbottom.

by Anonymousreply 291November 22, 2023 9:52 PM

I’m the intense giggling and whispering when the older crowd discover two of the young stragglers are named Richard and Froy.

by Anonymousreply 292November 22, 2023 10:19 PM

I'm Rex Reed.

by Anonymousreply 293November 22, 2023 10:44 PM

I’m the discreet, under-the-table BJ horndog Brad gives to Froy.

by Anonymousreply 294November 22, 2023 10:55 PM

I’m Michael Musto.

by Anonymousreply 295November 22, 2023 11:00 PM

I'm Milky Loads. The doorman has been shown my picture and has been instructed not to buzz me up.

by Anonymousreply 296November 22, 2023 11:16 PM

I'm the new Dolly Parton "Rockstar" album, which Michael and Richard swear is "an absolute scream."

by Anonymousreply 297November 22, 2023 11:35 PM

I’m the lesbians marvelling at the lack of nutloaf jokes so far tonight.

by Anonymousreply 298November 23, 2023 3:40 AM

I’m the hosts reuniting this morning after breaking up last night in a vicious confrontation over the arrangement of the place settings.

by Anonymousreply 299November 23, 2023 10:44 AM

I’m the host couple spending the day before making Martha Stewart’s gourd candles for centrepieces.

We’re furious when several of our drunken guests remove the candles and try putting something else in the holes instead.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 300November 23, 2023 11:43 AM

I'm one-half of the host couple beginning to carve the turkey and loudly announcing "we should have said 'fuck it' just like Martha".

by Anonymousreply 301November 23, 2023 11:55 AM

I’m Mitchel but everyone called me Missy. I’m the life of the party and will spill my red wine on the white sofa. I’ve somehow wormed my way into this group of friends, and my back stories have fooled the majority of the group except for three queens who picked up on the inconsistencies and stare daggers at me. I’m wanted in another state for bank fraud and will be chased down in a mall by a bounty hunter the following summer. The three queens will gloat the following Thanksgiving. ‘’Told you bitches’.

by Anonymousreply 302November 23, 2023 12:12 PM

Does Mitchell also go by the name Kitara sometimes?

by Anonymousreply 303November 23, 2023 12:35 PM

I’m the three Andrews in attendance, who of course have to do their “Anders Sisters” routine, much to everyone’s chagrin.

by Anonymousreply 304November 23, 2023 2:08 PM

“Andrews Sisters”. Oh, dear.

by Anonymousreply 305November 23, 2023 2:09 PM

If you're going to title a thread 'Eldergay' anything, you should be required to state your own age. How old are you OP?

by Anonymousreply 306November 23, 2023 4:27 PM


by Anonymousreply 307November 23, 2023 4:30 PM

To R286, I am the "elder gay" who requested that Marc play Bette Midler instead of Barbra. I said, "Barbra having her moment, plus she has a Mall; I need to hear some Bette" Then those nasty bitches tried to start picking on me about meeting with the Gen Z'ers plus the HRC & DNC meetings in Wash DC a few weeks ago (about fundraising).

by Anonymousreply 308November 23, 2023 4:53 PM

Not an eldergay in the bunch!

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by Anonymousreply 309November 23, 2023 6:28 PM

Catered by Fairway or Fresh Direct, R309? No way any of those twinks would know how to make a jello mold, let alone a ham or turkey.

by Anonymousreply 310November 23, 2023 6:51 PM

R308 what were you meeting them for and was it productive?

by Anonymousreply 311November 23, 2023 6:54 PM

I'm the corn flake topping my husband insisted on sprinkling on his otherwise perfect sweet potato casserole. I hope our guests will be amused.

by Anonymousreply 312November 23, 2023 6:58 PM

To R312, my neighbor makes her sweet potato casserole and does the same thing with it. I love it that way.

BTW, I love corn flakes too. Her mom's Irish cook did that to make the children eat the sweet potatoes. loved it.

by Anonymousreply 313November 23, 2023 7:14 PM

I'm Bryan Singer. The turkey is fine, but I was promised CHICKEN!

by Anonymousreply 314November 23, 2023 7:16 PM

I'm that eldergay, scrambling from one 7-11 to another, trying to buy that cranberry sauce, the hubs forgot to buy. I'd even settle for the canned variety!

by Anonymousreply 315November 23, 2023 7:28 PM

I'm the host's morning-after declarations to his partner that, from now until summer, with maybe a little break at Christmas, he's going to be on an extremely strict "regimen."

He holds firm to this vow until he opens the fridge and is confronted by leftover mashed potatoes, stuffing, turkey, gravy, and pie.

The diet starts tomorrow.

by Anonymousreply 316November 24, 2023 10:59 AM

I’m the whirling dildo used to whip the potatoes when the KitchenAid mixer goes on the fritz.

by Anonymousreply 317November 24, 2023 11:51 AM

I'm the early morning Thanksgiving dump the next day.

by Anonymousreply 318November 24, 2023 5:59 PM

I'm the WhatsApp group the guests have set up but excluding the host.

This night is gonna get a bigger roasting than that dried out old turkey we were served.

by Anonymousreply 319November 24, 2023 6:04 PM

r319 = why I limit my gay male friendships to a few very close friends

by Anonymousreply 320November 24, 2023 6:09 PM

I'm the deflating feeling the host feels the next morning when the majority of the text messages he receives are from the guests wanting horndog Brad's phone number.

Not a single request for a recipe!

by Anonymousreply 321November 24, 2023 6:24 PM

I'm all the calories horndog Brad is gonna burn between now and Christmas.

And it won't be from working out in the gym.

by Anonymousreply 322November 24, 2023 6:26 PM

I'm all those boring Instagram photos of food displays, table settings and middle aged pot bellies on your feed right now.

by Anonymousreply 323November 24, 2023 7:22 PM


I'm a scathing review of our hosts' Friendsgiving gala, I am accidentally posted to the WA group which INCLUDES the hosts.

by Anonymousreply 324November 24, 2023 8:05 PM

I’m the head of lettuce angrily chucked at the smug vegan.


by Anonymousreply 325November 24, 2023 8:08 PM

I'm the resurfacing feelings of rejection the host feels when one of the guests drunkenly shows him the WhatsApp chat, probably around Christmas time. Thanks R319, turn on disappearing messages next time!

by Anonymousreply 326November 24, 2023 9:12 PM

I'm the prissy fussing by the host the morning after as he brings back out the fiesta ware, hummel figurines and mother's thimble collection, now that danger has passed.

by Anonymousreply 327November 24, 2023 9:17 PM

I'm the prissy fussing by the host the morning after as he brings back out the fiesta ware, hummel figurines and mother's thimble collection, now that danger has passed.

by Anonymousreply 328November 24, 2023 9:17 PM

I'm the radiation emitted by Mother's vintage postwar red Fiestaware set. Nothing to worry about. Each piece in the 24-piece set emits only 10 milliRoentgens per hour. Hour after hour. Decade after decade.

by Anonymousreply 329November 24, 2023 9:32 PM

I'm the grisly discovery of a generously skidmarked pair of Hanes, size 36, thrown into the bathtub last night and hidden by the shower curtain.

The host has his suspicions about who had the accident, but he knows none of the guests will cop to it. Not because of the humiliation of the "accident," but because not one of the 14 people present would ever admit to having a 36-inch waist -- or, far more humiliating, wearing Hanes tighty-whities.

by Anonymousreply 330November 24, 2023 9:39 PM

Gay Friendsgiving seems to include a lot of pooping accidents

by Anonymousreply 331November 24, 2023 10:40 PM

Tomorrow is another day! I’m Ms Scarlett O’Hara - released from my armoire protection and back pride of place on the pink satin bed cushions - safe from Marcus for another year.

by Anonymousreply 332November 24, 2023 10:54 PM

I am the desperate feeling that I need to keep this thread going until it hits 600.

by Anonymousreply 333November 24, 2023 11:06 PM

I'm the increase in sales of diarrhoea meds amongst guests. Was the food defrosted and cooked through? Either way, I'm spraying liquid shit out my ass like silly string.

by Anonymousreply 334November 24, 2023 11:11 PM

I’m the post eating and drinking tiredness that sets in.

We all retreat to the living room, put on the Golden Girls and watch silently.

by Anonymousreply 335November 24, 2023 11:17 PM

[quote]The host has his suspicions about who had the accident, but he knows none of the guests will cop to it. Not because of the humiliation of the "accident," but because not one of the 14 people present would ever admit to having a 36-inch waist -- or, far more humiliating, wearing Hanes tighty-whities.

I would gladly admit to both, since I'm wearing size 50 Fruit-of-the-Looms. But then I wasn't invited, was I?

by Anonymousreply 336November 24, 2023 11:21 PM

I'm the host the day after, with a fridge full of food but eating french-fried onion strings from the can over the sink.

by Anonymousreply 337November 25, 2023 12:20 AM

I’m the Friday morning sniffles that induce sheer panic and unhinged blaming.

by Anonymousreply 338November 25, 2023 12:54 AM

[quote]Gay Friendsgiving seems to include a lot of pooping accidents

Because some unfortunately prolific DL-ers think that scat jokes are hilarious.

by Anonymousreply 339November 25, 2023 2:06 AM

I'm the host desperately trying to get the pee stain in the carpet left by that fag hag Danielle's little morkie-poo on their way out of the apartment.

by Anonymousreply 340November 25, 2023 2:09 AM

[quote]Gay Friendsgiving seems to include a lot of pooping accidents

Because some prolific DL-ers think that scat jokes are hilarious.

by Anonymousreply 341November 25, 2023 2:10 AM

I’m the host that trots out eggnog made from Eudora Welty’s recipe. My eyes are windmilling as every guest looks at me questioningly.

by Anonymousreply 342November 25, 2023 2:18 AM

R330 surely the culprit would be more likely to chuck the soiled undergarment out of the bathroom window, landing in next door's azalea bush? In which case, I'm the profuse apologies to the low-key homophobe neighbour who suspects the host have been throwing a filthy orgy

by Anonymousreply 343November 25, 2023 7:43 AM

I’m the uninvited nude roommate’s scathing Instagram video the following day, bitching to everyone about why he wasn’t invited and how it was entirely the host’s fault.

There’s also an OnlyFans link to watch his shenanigans with Brad and the twunk.

by Anonymousreply 344November 25, 2023 9:38 AM

I'm the Gen Z guest unloading to his tiktok followers.

"Oh my gawd, they were fucking ancient! At least one of them was like 50!"They were all like singing along to a song by Madonna that was totally a hundred years old. I think she's Sam Smith's mother?" "They eat carbs and no one there was wearing size appropriate clothes".

by Anonymousreply 345November 25, 2023 9:48 AM

I'm the horror when the host, browsing Instagram a few days later, notices that one of the guests has posted an antivax meme. I'm the fear when the host realizes he has developed a slight cough in the last 24 hours. This is followed by a manic spraying, wiping, cleansing ritual in every room of the house.

by Anonymousreply 346November 25, 2023 1:08 PM

I’m the understated bitchiness that pervades the evening.

“This is homemade? Well done, it tastes exactly like why I bought at the store last week.”

“This must’ve taken a lot of time and effort. It’s no wonder you didn’t have time to do your hair, bless you.”

by Anonymousreply 347November 25, 2023 1:49 PM

Your second remark, r347? Understated?

by Anonymousreply 348November 25, 2023 1:55 PM

We're the fun lesbian couple that has brought our new-ish puppy to this gathering. She's still too young to be left alone at home, so we have to bring her everywhere, or decline invitations. We are now going to insist that you help us train the little pup. We will be dishing out instructions what to do if little Post-It jumps on your chest, tries to steal a morsel from your plate etc. We insist that you do it correctly, that's the only way Post-It will learn.

We're the rest of the guests getting super annoyed at this bit of nonsense. We smile adorignly at little Post-It, but really would rather someone lock her up in the basement and let her go hog wild.

by Anonymousreply 349November 25, 2023 2:01 PM

R348 That was after a few glasses of Sherry. For him, it was understated.

by Anonymousreply 350November 25, 2023 2:38 PM

I'm an eldergay and throwing a "leftovers" party today. My party is always more fun

by Anonymousreply 351November 25, 2023 2:57 PM

"Mother NEVER would've served cranberry from a can! How vulgar! OUR cranberry sauce was always prepared by Beulah, who chopped fresh cranberries."

by Anonymousreply 352November 25, 2023 3:19 PM

I’m the ambulance arriving.

by Anonymousreply 353November 25, 2023 3:53 PM


Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 354November 25, 2023 5:23 PM

I’m the guest who has an entire turkey and side dishes in the car “just in case.”

by Anonymousreply 355November 25, 2023 6:23 PM

I'm the prisspot who fancies himself an oenophile. Upon being offered a glass of 2019 Gallo Signature Series Cabernet Sauvignon, he sniffs, "Oh, what a playful selection! I didn't realize we were drinking California Cabernet. I would've bought a box of the stuff at 7-11 and saved you a few dollars, dear!"

by Anonymousreply 356November 25, 2023 6:30 PM

I’m the charming intellect and precise storytelling of delicate seasoning.

by Anonymousreply 357November 25, 2023 7:13 PM

[quote] I'm the prisspot who fancies himself an oenophile.

I’m Rose, who thinks that means “person who enjoys masturbating.”

by Anonymousreply 358November 25, 2023 9:55 PM

I’m Bob rehearsing his tearful, heartfelt coming-out speech in front of all his friends, which he plans to share with mother at their family Thanksgiving later.

Marcel offers his appraisal. “Honey, after 56 years of caftans and Chinese slippers, I think she already knows.”

by Anonymousreply 359November 26, 2023 3:53 PM

No she would not, R359. Not consciously. Bob has just not met the right girl yet that understands his artistic, creative side.

by Anonymousreply 360November 26, 2023 4:19 PM

I'm Choupette, the host's white Persian cat. I have the best gaydar in history and can tell a bossy bottom from a sub bottom at a sniff. The bottom guests get my hissy, scratchy side and I will pee in their shoes later on. I kiss up to the only top at the table. And so does my owner, in a whirl of silk caftans and Jean-Paul Gaultier's Le Male.

by Anonymousreply 361November 26, 2023 4:28 PM

I'm Chad, arriving solo. Brian and I are fighting, again.

by Anonymousreply 362November 26, 2023 4:30 PM

I am the really bad last-minute cold that Brian supposedly has.

by Anonymousreply 363November 26, 2023 4:46 PM

I'm the Daddy Bear Grindr hookup who caused Brian to pick the fight with Chad and develop a "cold". I'll be stuffing Brian's turkey several times while Chad is gone. I'll also be the reason Brian and Chad breakup before Christmas and Brian moves out... to move in with me!

by Anonymousreply 364November 26, 2023 5:06 PM

I am the Turkey leftovers and Cranberry sauce Chad brought home to make up with Brian. I will end in the trash once Chad realizes that Brian is high as fuck and his cellphone is all greased up.

by Anonymousreply 365November 26, 2023 5:13 PM

I’m Brian and Chad gearing up for a spin-off thread.

by Anonymousreply 366November 26, 2023 5:22 PM

This thread is fucking depressing.

by Anonymousreply 367November 26, 2023 5:33 PM

R366 - I'm someone hoping for a Brian and Chad spin-off thread for Christmas!

by Anonymousreply 368November 26, 2023 5:42 PM

Please stop trying to make Brian and Chad happen, it's boring and it's killing a wonderful thread!

by Anonymousreply 369November 26, 2023 5:46 PM

I’m Chuck enjoying the leg and thigh meat.

Not the turkey’s.

by Anonymousreply 370November 26, 2023 7:18 PM

Chuck is unwanted here too.

by Anonymousreply 371November 26, 2023 7:31 PM

I’m the host counting Mother’s silver before any guest has a chance to leave.

by Anonymousreply 372November 26, 2023 7:37 PM

I'm the host, reminiscing about how only Beulah could polish Mother's silver just so.

by Anonymousreply 373November 26, 2023 7:41 PM

With her cunt, R373.

by Anonymousreply 374November 26, 2023 7:43 PM

I'm Jacob, praising "this fabulous reproduction Saarinen Knoll Tulip dining set! Very thrifty, with the price of vintage Saarinen so high!"

The host turns, a frozen, tight smile on his face. "Reproduction?"

by Anonymousreply 375November 26, 2023 7:47 PM

I’m elder-fatigued and glad this weekend is over.

by Anonymousreply 376November 26, 2023 8:06 PM

Fuck off R369 We're just having fun as we're supposed to with this. Some people (read: trolls) take things way too seriously.

by Anonymousreply 377November 26, 2023 8:12 PM

I’m the “accident” which befalls mother’s China after Chad and Chuck are told they’re not wanted.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 378November 26, 2023 8:14 PM

[quote]I'm the drive thru' McDonalds all the dinner guests visit separately en route home from the dinner party.

I'm the drive thru worker who is seriously pissed off to see you because if our store is open on Thanksgiving it means we didn't meet our revenue goals.

by Anonymousreply 379November 26, 2023 8:30 PM

[quote]This thread is fucking depressing.

And it also stopped being funny, despite a good start.

by Anonymousreply 380November 26, 2023 8:43 PM

I'm Aunt Mabel who, with her festive cheese-ball, unfortunately decided to pay a surprise Thanksgiving visit and has a bemused look as she is introduced to each of the guests ("Are the ladies in the kitchen washing the dishes?", she whispers to the host).

by Anonymousreply 381November 26, 2023 8:57 PM

I am Robert's homemade pumpkin chiffon cupcakes, laced with (surprise!) THC butter. Hilarity ensues a couple hours later when everyone is trying to get ready to go and realizes they aren't in any shape to go anywhere. Much laughter from everyone except the exhausted host, who is tired, achy, crotchety, and ready to collapse into bed and fall asleep to Murder She Wrote reruns on FreeVee.

by Anonymousreply 382November 26, 2023 8:58 PM

I’m the host anxiously awaiting this night to be over, only so he can start with the Christmas decorations.

He can’t wait to hear the compliments on the newest additions to his Byers Choice Carolers collection at the Eldergay Christmas Party.

by Anonymousreply 383November 26, 2023 9:03 PM

I'm the host, explaining to Aunt Mabel that all the boys are "going stag" today. He then has to repeat it much more loudly in her good ear. "I said GOING STAG, Aunt Mabel! No wives today!"

"Oh! I see! Then I'll leave you boys to your sports and cars and hunting talk," she says with a wink, heading for the door. "Enjoy the cheesy ball!"

by Anonymousreply 384November 26, 2023 9:07 PM

Aunt Mabel isn't going anywhere, not after that cupcake she ate

by Anonymousreply 385November 26, 2023 9:12 PM

I’m the conversation about whether or not Bebe Neuwirth is enough to spend another $300 to see Cabaret, since we have all seen Cabaret 6-7 times already.

by Anonymousreply 386November 26, 2023 9:13 PM

I’m the eldergay who never went to an Eldergay Friendsgiving.

by Anonymousreply 387November 26, 2023 9:13 PM

[quote] I’m the conversation about whether or not Bebe Neuwirth is enough to spend another $300 to see Cabaret, since we have all seen Cabaret 6-7 times already.

I'm the uninvited guy who can tell you dumb queens to stay home, she isn't.

by Anonymousreply 388November 26, 2023 9:16 PM

To R290, I have one of them from the early 1950's in Cherry Mahoganey. I had it fixed 2 yrs. ago, upgraded everything inside, CD player. Medium dark cherry color matches the wooden tables perfectly. All from the early 1950s.

My ex-father- in law says to me on Thanksgiving, "That looks like Esther's HiFi" I'm like "that is Aunt Esther's record player, upgraded to 2021" I told him, all the wooden furniture is Esther's and her 2nd husband, she left all the mid-century wooden tables-dining room set.

by Anonymousreply 389November 26, 2023 9:18 PM

Such an important piece of information, R389. Now I shall sleep in peace.

by Anonymousreply 390November 26, 2023 9:21 PM

I'm the very drunk queen responding loudly to R388 that "well, Bebe might not be worth it, but the 2200 dollars I spent for center orchestra seats, 4th row, so Christopher and I could see Bette in 'DOLLY' was worth EVERY PENNY!"

by Anonymousreply 391November 26, 2023 9:31 PM

I'm the smirk on R388's face when he hears how much R391 wildly overpaid for a meh performance in a meh production.

by Anonymousreply 392November 26, 2023 9:39 PM

I'm Aunt Mabel, stoned and confused in a corner, hard of hearing but able to hear the stentorian queen from R391. I respond, equally loudly, "I'd say it sounds like you have MORE MONEY THAN SENSE, young man!," and then cackle madly at my own wit.

by Anonymousreply 393November 26, 2023 9:43 PM

I'm aunt Mabel again, slurring "I don't think any of them have girlfriends, Missy" into the dog's ear.

by Anonymousreply 394November 26, 2023 9:45 PM

Apparently Aunt Mabel has usurped this thread from Brian and Chad.

by Anonymousreply 395November 26, 2023 9:51 PM

Brian and Chad sure sound jealous of that.

by Anonymousreply 396November 26, 2023 9:54 PM

I don't even remember who Brian and Chad are.

by Anonymousreply 397November 26, 2023 9:55 PM

Well then R390, I am glad I can help you finally sleep and learn to relax.

That is the reason for the Thanksgiving season!!

by Anonymousreply 398November 26, 2023 11:42 PM

The thing about an Eldergay Friendsgiving dinner is that at least a few guests or the host knows what to do in the kitchen, and at some point a nice meal will actually be served.

I wouldn't even guess what might be served at a Millennial, or Gen Z Friendsgiving!

by Anonymousreply 399November 27, 2023 1:09 AM

Bagels delivered from Door Dash. Or sushi.

by Anonymousreply 400November 27, 2023 2:29 AM

I’m Bertram sharing his “sitting next to Kristin Chenoweth on a plane” story for the umpteenth time.

Marcel: “That story’s had more performances than South Pacific!”

by Anonymousreply 401November 27, 2023 3:46 AM

I'm the 1960s Drexel Heritage dining room set, curated at twelve estate sales over seven years. I am exactly like the set Meemaw had, around which the family gathered every Thanksgiving for thirty-seven years. Her set went to a druggie cousin, who sold it on Craigslist in 2006 for $100. There is nothing of Meemaw's in this house, as the family disowned and shunned the disgraceful homosexual when he came out of the closet in 1993. We tell new friends that these are "family pieces," but old friends know the real story.

by Anonymousreply 402November 27, 2023 4:05 AM

I'm Brian. Chad's been away at the Friendsgiving for a couple of hours now. I'll just send Chad a short text:

"bring me a plate plz"

by Anonymousreply 403November 27, 2023 4:09 AM

I'm the small hole on the bottom of Mike's socks that snagged and is now an embarrassment. Mike's walking around like a foot bound Chinese woman so that the hole doesn't show.


Poor Chris only has those half socks that keep falling off.

Steve's socks smell like moldy cheese cuz he always wears those heavy black boots.

by Anonymousreply 404November 27, 2023 4:18 AM

[quote]R382 Much laughter from everyone except the exhausted host, who is tired, achy, crotchety, and ready to collapse into bed and fall asleep to Murder She Wrote reruns on FreeVee.

Won’t he be surprised when he finds that Ricky passed out drunk in there right after dinner. Everyone thought he’d left.

by Anonymousreply 405November 27, 2023 7:16 AM

I’m the leftovers going into the Tupperware. The host has plenty, as he didn’t sell any at his last party…in 1989.

by Anonymousreply 406November 27, 2023 8:27 AM

I’m the murder-suicide that ends Brian and Chad for good.

by Anonymousreply 407November 27, 2023 4:32 PM

R407 save that story for their Xmas spin-off!

by Anonymousreply 408November 27, 2023 4:36 PM

What's up R369 and R407 's ass? If we want to continue Brian and Chad we will. The trolling deranged cunt is under no obligation to read it.

by Anonymousreply 409November 27, 2023 4:41 PM

I'm the demented label whore dropping designer name brands into every sentence. I don't hear the others whisper to the host that I should not be invited to any future gatherings because "he's not our kind, dear."

by Anonymousreply 410November 27, 2023 4:54 PM

I googled it and it's gorgeous, R402! So sorry about your experience. Your meemaw would be proud of such a sophisticated grandson, though.

I'm the slippers that the host in R404 didn't offer to his guests after a whiff of Steve's feet reached his nose. "I'll be dashed if I let them rub their body odour off my Barbour Suede Tartan-Trim Monties!", the host hisses to his partner in the vestibule.

by Anonymousreply 411November 27, 2023 5:03 PM

I’m the hot young neighbour who didn’t go home this year. Everyone tries to woo him over with whiffs of food, an occasional wink, and a few flashes of leg.

Brad finally goes over, and half-an-hour later returns with him, both looking sweaty and disheveled.

by Anonymousreply 412November 27, 2023 10:16 PM

Is Brad an Eldegay or an assorted sugarbaby?

by Anonymousreply 413November 28, 2023 1:05 PM

Brad's not young, but he's maybe 6 years younger than the core group of eldergays. No, he's not a sugar baby. But he does use that 6 years to his advantage. Or tries to.

by Anonymousreply 414November 28, 2023 3:20 PM

I attended an Eldergay Friendsgiving this year and it was lovely. NO politics were discussed (well, we're all Dems) and the table topics included the upcoming Color Purple movie, old Christmas movies, our favorite Rihanna songs and rumors about her, and Shelley Winters. In agreement with the general consensus that she was an excellent actress, I remarked that if I were Montgomery Clift in A Place in the Sun, I'd have killed her too. My comment was (in the voice of the Zelig voiceover) coolly received. All of a sudden it was time for dessert!

by Anonymousreply 415November 28, 2023 4:19 PM

Brad here. I am NOT 6 years younger than these old queens. I am barely touching 40. So fuck all of you!

by Anonymousreply 416November 28, 2023 4:26 PM

Brad, you’re 48 if you’re a day and the barbed wire tattoo around your upper arm proves it.

by Anonymousreply 417November 28, 2023 4:52 PM

R415, you have more willpower than I. My ass would have been out of there the minute they started talking about favorite Rihanna songs.

by Anonymousreply 418November 28, 2023 4:54 PM

Seriously r418. I would've been bored to death with all of those topics of conversation.

by Anonymousreply 419November 28, 2023 4:59 PM

I’m the small portrait of Eve Arden the host hangs on the far dining room wall.

Obligingly, the guests all ask if it’s Shelley Winters or Judy Holliday.

by Anonymousreply 420November 28, 2023 5:50 PM

[quote] Seriously [R418]. I would've been bored to death with all of those topics of conversation.

I might have had fun talking about Shelley Winters, but I agree with the rest.

by Anonymousreply 421November 28, 2023 6:20 PM

[quote] Brad, you’re 48 if you’re a day and the barbed wire tattoo around your upper arm proves it.

I'm 46, dammit! And I look 42.

by Anonymousreply 422November 28, 2023 6:29 PM

I’m the guest who recently had Botox and collagen. I look unnervingly like an older George Santos.

by Anonymousreply 423November 29, 2023 6:35 AM

Has anyone started a Christmas version of this? I want more!

Sorry, "Holiday" *sigh*

by Anonymousreply 424December 6, 2023 10:37 PM

I'm one of the Davids having an explosive case of the shits as soon as he gets home. No butt lovin' from the other David tonight!

by Anonymousreply 425December 7, 2023 12:17 AM


Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 426December 7, 2023 4:48 AM

I would not go to any invite called “Friendsgiving”.

by Anonymousreply 427December 7, 2023 5:12 AM

I’m every sitting around watching Liza With A Z after dinner.

by Anonymousreply 428December 9, 2023 3:20 PM


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