Parent’s Egos & their Children

Continuation of the species, OP. If parents didn't believe their children to be extraordinary... they'd strangle 'em.

I’m realistic about my kids and I’ve noticed other people seem shocked by it. And I love my kids and I’m proud of them. So maybe some of it is social convention? Maybe they know, but also know not to admit it?

R2 are you a straight woman?

What R2 says. I think parents know. They're just too tired to do anything about the little shits.

It’s worse with dogshit cultists.

I see a lot of competitive parenting. As in, trying to show they do more for their kids than other parents.

It results on over parenting. Kids who aren’t resilient because parents shield them from failure and just do everything for them.

Some of it stems from the mommy wars around working vs stay-at-home moms, each maligning the other and setting out to prove they made the superior choice.

I have one niece who I think is better than most people in many ways but the other nieces and nephews are pretty average

My brother confessed that he wished he hadn't had children. Don't get me wrong, he loves his kids to death but they have made his life SO much harder and stressful than it needed to be. Kids are a huge burden. I'm so glad I never had them but I know plenty of people who deny the challenges because they are afraid of admitting their kids aren't perfect.

I learned my cousin had a kid recently, so I said congratulations and she said "Thanks and yes, she's awesome!" Humans are so silly. 🙄 They think because something came out of them, it must be the most amazing thing in the world.

R9 their poop is amazing too!

I don't think that most parents actually believe their children are marvelous or perfect, the current climate just makes them feel obligated to say so. There's always been competition in parenting, hell, there used to be "best family" contests at American fairs, but today's parenting trends pressure parents to be "supportive" to the point of smothering, and call any behavior less than adoring "Abusive".

So I suspect the typical modern parent's life is a mix of bragging to other adults and being endlessly flattering to the kid(s), and inner disappointment. Or rage, at the kids who've taken up so much of their lives, but who are totally failing to be better than their friends' kids.

R11 has it exactly.

There's so much illogical peer pressure in parenting and if another parent calls it out, they're ostracized to varying degrees.

I let my son ride his bike to the park and go to the store by himself and people around here think I am a horrible parent. The 1:300,000 chances he would be kidnapped outweigh the one in what (1:5, 1:4 odds that if he stays "safe" inside with his ipad and streaming services and snacks he will suffer from anxiety/depression, low self-esteem, obesity, etc.

That falls on deaf ears. And it isn't because other mothers genuinely CARE about someone else's kid, it's about the projecting the appearance of 'knowing better than' in the neverending Nurture Olympics that moms (and nurse aides!) are prone to participating in.

I think it isn't so much the children themselves but the parents who are trying to boost their egos by seeing their kids through rose glasses.

They’re like pit bull owners.

Who knows? My mom constantly made me feel like a fuck-up at home, but God forbid someone say something negative about me to her face. She would, legit, be ready to fight them.

I guess, the way she saw it, the only one allowed to utterly destroy her children's self-esteem and will to live was her.

I actually think parents are more aware than ever that other people view their kids as a nuisance. The "childfree" sentiment is pretty mainstream now.

I feel bad for my sister sometimes for getting judged harshly with her three year old... She does everything right to handle tantrums about taking the kid outside and talking them down, but people glare shamelessly. (This is in kid-friendly places like McDonald's etc.) And 3-4 year olds are NOT always capable of being controlled; they are egocentric and physiologically can't think beyond themselves.

[quote]I feel bad for my sister sometimes for getting judged harshly with her three year old... She does everything right to handle tantrums about taking the kid outside and talking them down, but people glare shamelessly.

Tell your sister to get some older Latina friends, r16.

They know what to do in such dire straits.

[Quote]And 3-4 year olds are NOT always capable of being controlled; they are egocentric and physiologically can't think beyond themselves.

That's more true for an early three year old than for a four year old. Someone needs to lay down the fuckin' law!