Do you think you'll ever be in love again?

No, I don’t think I’ll live long enough to fall in love again.

I’m in love with being in love!

not until tomorrow

Aside from a mother & child relationship, love is transactional, fleeting, and conditional. I am capable of abiding love (Mary!), but not many people are. I'm tired of the whole game, right now, and am not seeking love.

I'm in love currently and I'm sure I'll be in love lots of times in the future. Problem is, no one has ever been in love with me and I doubt that will ever change.

I will lovvveeee again again again 💃

I am not capable of feeling romantic love, or romantic attraction. I don't date as a result, as it would be terrible to lead someone on that way. I do feel sexual attraction, but not romantic. I am capable of non-romantic love, however.

That is interesting, R7. And it's great that you have self-awareness.

No, my husband is dead and I"m old. No one wants old.

Yeah. I'm a luvvah.

I've never been in love. I'm not wired for it. I grow tired/bored of people very quickly, get irritable, and do toxic shit to push them away on purpose.

Feel the exact same way, R4. Used to believe in romantic love. Now I'm realizing that there's chemicals, there's mutual benefit, there's mutual orgasms, and it all seems rather transactional from where I stand as a 50-year-old with a string of relationships that ran their course. I can see the transactional aspects in all my past relationships now.

Love is meant to be a verb, you have to put effort into it. People want love to hit them over the head. They want to be passively swept away by the feeling of love, and get disappointed when they discover that what they thought was love was the chemicals, which invariably fade with time.

^ you're not eaxctly lovely, no

There's companionship, and that can feel really good. When you are compatible with someone and you have that kind of copacetic companionship, it's very nice. But is that "love?" I honestly don't know.

r7 This you?

To me, real, true love is rather selfless. You are each willing and motivated to listen, to care, to compromise, to put in the effort. You don't want to see the other person in pain, ever. Your partner's triumphs do not make you feel insecure but rather proud, and not because you stand to profit by association, but just because you are so proud of them. You just want the very best for them. You are willing to learn and grow over time with one another, and can admit when you are wrong. You are willing to face your shadow and do inner work to become a better person.

And that is incredibly, incredibly rare.

I am alway$ in love.

hat do you get when you fall in love? A guy with a pin to burst your bubble That's what you get for all your trouble I'll never fall in love again I'll never fall in love again What do you get when you kiss a guy? You get enough germs to catch pneumonia After you do, he'll never phone ya I'll never fall in love again Don't you know that I'll never fall in love again Don't tell me what's it all about 'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out Out of those chains, those chains that bind you That is why I'm here to remind you What do you get when you fall in love? You only get a life of pain and sorrow So for at least until tomorrow I'll never fall in love again No, no, I'll never fall in love again I'm out of those chains, those chains that bind you That is why I'm here to remind you What do you get when you fall in love? You only get lies and pain and sorrow So for at least until tomorrow I'll never fall in love again Don't you know that I'll never fall in love again I'll never fall in love again

I'll never fall in love again.

R15, I didn't watch the video (and I don't think that romance doesn't exist,) but yes, I consider myself aromantic. It took a while to figure it out, and come to terms with it. I tried really hard in my 20s to want what all my friends wanted, but I just didn't. I feel bad that I hurt people during that time, before I understood what my deal was.

Then I had to come out all over again - though in a more limited capacity. Just friends, family, and the relentless matchmakers.

Sorry, R20=R7

I mean this sincerely and with no malice or judgement, R20, but have you been diagnosed as being on the spectrum? A lot of Aspergers folks find that they strongly value and derive great pleasure from their hobbies, their stuff, and their time alone. And derive less joy from relationships. Not to say that you want to live in isolation, but there is something in the wiring that you just don't get as much dopamine or oxytocin from human closeness as from your routines, your collections, your activities, and own company generally.

R9 Wrong. I'm 42 and trying to find older guys for friends and relationship. The problem is they all want sex and I'm asexual. I thought/hoped older guys would be sexually incapacitated by their age, but nope. Many of them even write in their profiles/ads that they're just as horny as they were when they were teenagers. And apparently gay men don't have friends they don't have sex with. If they're going to be friends with you, you MUST have sex with them.

I'm trying to find other asexual males but they're practically non-existent on this planet. Especially ones who don't have gender identity issues as well.

R22, I am largely asocial, and greatly prefer being alone than I am with other people. I was tested as a child, and they determined that I was not on the spectrum, not socio/psychopathic, though I was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and had weekly therapy session until I was 17. Of course, they didn't refer to it as a spectrum back then, and Aspergers didn't make it into the DSM until 13-14 years later. I do think that I missed the spectrum by a hair, as I do have some sensory issues, and it is possible that I have slipped over the border during my adulthood. I thought about getting tested again, but I don't really know what good knowing would do. I am satisfied with my life the way it is, and I don't really feel like I am missing out on anything. I did manage to have a long period of heavy socializing in my 20s and early 30s, largely fueled by alcohol. It was exhausting, though, and I don't drink anymore.

Thank you for sharing, R24. There are many ways to be fulfilled in life. Honestly, we all are so conditioned to feel that relationships are THE MOST fulfilling thing in life, and no life is complete without that "special someone" to share it with. When in reality, as well all know, relationships be a very draining, demoralizing and painful part of life.

I've come to the conclusion that real love is respect. And unfortunately what people respect (desire? covet?) are credentials: education, career/money, status, popularity, attractiveness, sexual potency. Do they like you? Maybe. But assets are more important.

Would they still 'love' you if you became disabled, moved to a Section 8 apartment and got Meals On Wheels delivered? You'd hope so.

I think it's OK for love and relationships to be somewhat transactional. We all love each other for certain reasons. If I got married to someone who was reliable, had a job, didn't drink to excess, I would hope and expect that he stayed that way. If he became flaky, became unemployed for 1.5 years, and became a day drinker, then it's natural to fall out of love.

What's sad, IMO, is the constant "what have you done for me lately" attitude that a lot of people seem to have. I recently lost a long-time friend who had become disrespectful and really taking our friendship for granted.

LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD OP!!

I've never been 'in love' with someone who loved me back. Being 'in love' or 'falling in love' is very different from 'loving'. I have loved many and have been and am loved. For that last part I am grateful.

R22 You weren't replying to me but I'm the asexual 42 year old. I must be on the spectrum too because when I have to deal with people instead of getting a rush of dopamine and oxytocin I get a rush of cortisol and adrenaline. Human interaction is taxing and punishing to me so I avoid it as much as possible.

I totally get it. I love you, and I get it.

At 55 years old I cant see it happening again.

But I have been lucky. I had 31 wonderful years with my husband till he died suddenly a year ago.

Since my ex died I just don't know where life will bring me. I'm just pushing around a year and a half since he suddenly died and I just can't imagine loving again. I had met someone online through my online travels last fall and as a musician, but he was just a lengthy flirt who also threw me away at the earliest convenience. He was a distraction from the grief and sadness...I never loved him.

But I am done FOREVER with dating apps and the horrible clientele they harbor. Crimm was an incredible guy, but his demons (alcoholic, 2x DUI, liar, and was a slob ngl) were plenty enough to consider him not good enough. But I just can't stop loving him deep inside. I wake up with thoughts of him as often as I go to sleep about him. I'm only 26 (25 at his death, 24 when we were together) and he was 32— feel like I'm a widower in some way... Just a small taste of what that must be like. I couldn't imagine.

I just don't feel the same thing in any other guy I've met or looked at since I was with him. He was a gorgeous man with such a gentle personality. He was also just the best kisser ever. I am still in love with someone who's DEAD. And I don't want anyone else. I live in the shadow of 2021 and the love we had...I was in love girls, truly in love. 🥺

Also, I've had to grieve alone without my family. They know nothing about what happened and it just destroys me inside, but I had to grow up and find my support system in other places. Being raised by southern homophobes is not fun.

I've been in love before. That was enough. I have a great partner now, that's good enough.

R4 Lies. So which are you: fat or ugly? Those are the two unloveable types. A face only a mother could love? Or can’t eat enough pancakes? You must be fun to be around

r22, I know how useless, right now, this word is, because it doesn't help with your grief today. Still, believe me, what it seems to lack in help now, more than makes up for it in truth, it's just that you're not yet through it - Time.

One day, in the future, you'll wake up and realize that obsessive thinking of him is lessening. You'll suddenly realize more and more time has passed where you hadn't thought of him.

32 is young to die. Take that unexpended energy of the portion of his life he didn't live and use that for yourself. He'd want you to do that.

Anyway, I'm a sentimental fool.

Here are a few words that others have written that perfectly capture my experiences with romantic love, and, I think happen to be correct, too-

"Loretta, I love you. Not like they told you love is, and I didn't know this either, but love don't make things nice - it ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We aren't here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die. The storybooks are bullshit. Now I want you to come upstairs with me and get in my bed!" - Ronnie Cammareri, Moonstruck (John Patrick Shanley).

And

" I know that's what people say- you'll get over it. I'd say it, too. But I know it's not true. Oh, you'll be happy again, never fear. But you won't forget. Every time you fall in love it will be because something in the man reminds you of him." - Katie Nolan to Francie. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith).

oops, meant for r34^, not r22, kind as those words are.

r37 Take, a break, from commas, for now.

lol, r37, you clever thing.

[quote]I am capable of abiding love (Mary!), but not many people are.

I come from a family that marries early and happily, and so far, for life. I'm talking grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers, cousins. So I think I'm genetically programmed for it. But I've never met a gay man capable of it. I'm sure there are some out there but I've never been fortunate enough to come across them. I've pretty much given up -- though I would welcome it I'm not actively pursuing it.

r4 Maybe those relatives were taught to settle, and focus on just happiness, and maybe that's what love is after all. (Is there a country song in there?). Perhaps your standards for "love" are just higher than theirs? I don't know. I don't really know that I'm capable of "true love" in the way that my brain has defined it for me.

I’d had a lot of very high-temperature relationships and decided to try with a guy who was less volatile. Shortly after we moved in together, he had a life threatening surgery. I told myself I would 100% commit to getting him through, but that I had permission to leave after. I never did, and now it’s 10 years later. Is it love? It doesn’t resemble the exhausting dramas of my younger days. Sometimes, warmth is better than fire.

I gave you my heart and you tore it all apart

I'll never fall in love

I'll never fall in love again