Let's be the movie Misery

I'm a dirty birdy.

I'm 1990 James Caan. I look very different from 1970s James Caan.

I'm Lauren Bacall.

Yes, I was in this movie.

I'm Annie's little ceramic penguin always facing due South. Now I'm facing North!

I'm the cockadoodie car.

I’m Corrasable Bond typing paper. I smudge.

I remember reading that Annie represented King's drug addiction, but these days, Annie is the ultimate internet troll, and of course, a Trump supporter

I’m the missing ‘N’

I'm the spam that Annie adds to her meatloaf, to give it that extra zip!

I am the hammer that slams James' lovely feet. Oh, those glorious toes!!!

I’m Mister Man!

I'm the scrapbook filled with newspaper clippings about Annie's past.

I’m the hobbling.

And I, R9, am fresh tomatoes (never canned)!

I’m the hammer that replaced the ax from the book.

I'm the snow.

I'm Bette...

I’m the pills that Paul hoards under the mattress.

I’m the Mustang, wondering why you’d drive a rear-wheel drive car with a four-link rear suspension that could barely handle dry gravel through a foot of sloppy wet snow.

I'm Misery the pig and I know my owner is a CRAZY ASS PSYCHO BITCH!

I'm the thumb that remains attached in the movie but not so in the book!

I'm YOU POOP!

I'm the binge eating

I’m the little ceramic penguin which always faces due south.

I'm the lawnmower running over the cute young police officer

I'm all the horrific things that pussywillow Rob Reiner had to remove to get this movie made.

- Annie was severely bipolar, amongst other things, and had poor hygiene and diet during her low periods

- When Paul complained too much about the missing "N" on the typewriter, Annie cut off his thumb with a carving knife

- Paul's "hobbling" involved an axe and a blowtorch, not a hammer

- During an episode, Annie left Paul alone and bedbound for 2+ days, forcing him to endure pain without medication and to drink his own urine to survive

- When Paul made a mess of his meal, Annie made him suck on the sponge she used to clean it up

- Annie brutally murdered a young cop with a lawnmower, and forced Paul to watch

- Annie kept a scrapbook detailing how she murdered neighbors, a cat, a roommate, and dozens of babies and elderly patients as a nurse

- Paul survived the ordeal, but was left maimed and traumatized

You forgot the bit when she was about to nail his penis to a board R26.

I’m Annie chowing down while watching Love Connection.

R26 Maybe Rob Reiner didn't want to make a horror movie. I'm glad he removed all of these horrific things.

[quote]- Paul survived the ordeal, but was left maimed and traumatized

And drug addicted!

I'm the burnt chards of his magnum opus. Annie did not approve.

R26, the ending of the film is different than the book as well. If memory serves, Paul has a panic attack in NYC, believing Annie has broken into his apartment. They battle/fight and Annie cuts off his hand or hands - right?

Of course, there is no fight, Annie is not in the apartment. Paul had a daytime nightmare. The only person in the apartment was, I think, his maid.

The film has Lauren and James in the restaurant and James thinks he sees Annie wheeling a dessert cart with a very large knife.

I read the book when it was first released. It's a very good Stephen King. The film is a very, very, very good adaptation of a King novel - and those are very, very rare. Kudos to William Goldman screenwriter and everyone else involved.

^I was trying to remember the ending of the book too; I thought after being considered a hack writer, he writes this blockbuster novel after escaping Annie that changes everything for him, but he's now this broken man & does believe Annie is still after him, though it's just a panic attack,.

I'm Lauren Bacall, phoning in my performance. Literally.

King should have been braver and dealt with the issue of male rape in the novel. In one of her manic states Annie would have almost certainly demanded sex from Paul or at the very least sat on his face.

R32 I think the novel ends on a happy note where, after months of drug withdrawal, nightmares, panic etc Paul finally gets a flash of inspiration to begin a new novel.. he then starts to cry

I'm LAUREN BACALLL again

This movie is about ME, a publisher who lost her number one client and had to fight tooth and nail to save him. Did you see my High Point Coffee reference?

R36, really? I don't remember that part of the novel's end... just the freaky encounter with Annie when eh enters the apartment.

* sigh * I should go find the novel and read.

I'm the Liberace records!

I’m the newspaper clippings. Pause and you’ll see one paragraph repeated over and over.

R40, I know! It scared the shit out of me!

Remake that movie, R26. The current version is a Disney production by comparison.

I’m the Kathy Bates dummy that hits the typewriter.

I'm Michelangelo and I painted the Sistine Chapel!

R44, you mean you're that dago that painted the Sistine Chapel?

I’m Shotgun by Jr. Walker and the All Stars.

I'm the rain. Sometimes I give Annie the blues.

I'm Paul Sheldon, gently weeping inside when Annie spills her wine full of Novril. I have to think of Plan B now which is to beat the shit out of her with the typewriter.

I am: 1: Bacall's "congeniality" and diminished box office contributed her little more than cameos roles here and The Mirror Has Two Faces. 2: Annie's dowdy pageboy 'do she's had since the third grade.

I’m smudge!

I'm DoM PeriGnoN.

I'm the neighbours, jubilant that crazy fucking woman has been done in

I am the Misery fan that had a melt down in a bookstore that went viral about 12 years ago. In reality, I am an actress who was paid to make this little spoof but people online are so dense not picking up on the hints I was dropping to get it was a joke.

I'm the tedious DL Bacall-bashing from the two 93-year old queens who once had an altercation with her over the last diet Tab at craft services for Murder on the Orient Express.

All Tab was diet. Just like all Fresca is diet. There were/are no sugar-high calorie versions of those sodas. Diet Tab is redundant.

I’m a justice higher than that of man. I shall be judged by Him.

I'm the ancient impotent sheriff.

I’m effin’ pig feed and bitchly cow corn.

I’m Matthew Cuthbert from the Anne of Green Gables miniseries. What the hell am I doing in THIS film!?

R36, I found my copy of Misery and read the ending... I wouldn't say Paul finds peace, but he does turn away from the pills and booze and sits down and starts to write. That pleases him, but he also acknowledges that the horror of Annie will live within... he again has a vision of her, but it's brief, he doesn't panic or freak out. He can make it go away.

Appreciate your post...

[quote]Annie's dowdy pageboy 'do she's had since the third grade.

You could be referring to 'Briony' from ATONEMENT who was played by three different actresses at different ages but somehow maintains the same pageboy haircut from the 1930s to the 1990s. 😂

^Thanks for clarifying that; I honestly couldn't remember - even though the book was good, the movie ending is sort of burned into my brain. SK doesn't really do "happy endings" so I didn't think it was entirely happy, but the perception (in his own mind) that he was hack writer was gone & he felt inspired.

I’m the laughable idea that James Caan could write romance novels.

R63 Kathy Bates was a legend in that role, but Jimmy Caan was miscast.

She says he's a sweetheart, and was a very vibrant and athletic guy at the time. So for him to spend the entire shoot bedbound, he was miserable.

I thought Caan and Bates were perfect.

R65 They were an incredible duo, and worked well together, but I do have a little hard time picturing him writing romance novels sincerely.

I’m Kathy’s disappointment at the lawnmower scene being cut.

Paul Sheldon was miserable writing his successful "Misery Chastain" novels. So unhappy that he killed the character so he could start writing novels outside the romance genre.

James Caan as the physical embodiment of King's character works fine. A masculine guy who found an unhappy success writing Misery Chastain novels.

In real life, Lawrence Block's first novel was lesbian fiction, "Strange Are the Ways of Love." If the image of a man dictates what he writes, see the image below... does he look like a man who wrote about lesbians?

Kind of, R68. In a pervy, lesbians exist to titillate men kind of way.

I'm Kathy Bates' mother who was not impressed by her daughter's performance in the movie.

I’m the ozone layer. Ah, well, it’s a theory.

I'm the song "Mister Man" by Culture Club.

I would've been her newest bop had she survived & looked for new material away from recently deceased Liberace.

I’m the viewer that saw it years ago & forgot most of it.

I pisted at R73. I really don’t remember it. The hammer - yes. The fat chick was good. How did she die at the end?Thanks!

I’m Misery’s Child!

I'm a cigarette...Paul likes to smoke me after finishing one of his novels

I'm the chainsaw in the barn. I was instrumental to Annie Wilkes' original ending, but Kathy Bates used me to cut up too many rib roasts for lunch, and I broke the day of the shoot.

So they replaced me with a cast iron pig statue. Paul kills Annie with a little piggy.

I’m “Misery”s Hobby”, the short story Paul wrote about Misery fucking an Irish Setter. Unsurprisingly, I wasn’t mentioned in the film.

I'm a question: What kind of stupid name is Misery for a girl? Did she have a brother named Depression?

R79, during the Puritan era children were sometimes given names that reflected the tribulations of earthly life - Sorrow, Darkness, etc.

Not sure when the Misery novels were supposed to have taken place.

"Misery" was also slang in the early 20th century for a girl who was attractive, available and not worth the effort (usually due to a shrill personality).

I'm the Bobby pin

I'm Novril. I don't really exist but I sound like I'm a real drug.

R82 good point, it didn't occur to me a former nurse has no right to have that huge stockpile of drugs

Thanks for the info R80.

I’m what they did to the workers at the Kimberley Diamond Mines. 🔨

I'm Buster The Sheriff and I know Paul Sheldon didn't crawl out of that car alone.

He was... drumroll...PULLED OUT!

I'm the freakishly strong Annie Wilkes who thanks to a daily diet of sodas and chips, carried Paul during a snowstorm to my car, then my house, then down in the basement when the sheriff came and back up the stairs again. God I love this man!

I’m junking a Mercedes just because of a broken spring!

I'm a question: How was Paul Sheldon rescued? Did the police come to Annie's house looking for Buster or did Paul crawl out of the house and used the radio in Buster's police car?

I'm the fact that Kathy Bates made Annie much more sympathetic than she was in the book. You could see her loneliness and also her puzzlement as to why she couldn't fit in. Which made the story more sad than horrific. The fictional Misery in the book was presented as a lunatic's random obsession. In the film Misery is clearly an avatar/escape for Annie.

Good points r90

I'm the fact that I would love to have my book repped by Lauren Bacall.

I think she would have been a dynamite literary agent in real life.

R90 totally agree, Bates made her a much more sympathetic and disturbed character than the novel did

Misery is one of those movies that I really enjoyed watching, but have never seen a second time.

That Bates could imbue her psycho character with any level of sympathy was a testament to her acting choices. It really made it much more compelling, rather than her being just your garden variety psycho.

King's ending of Misery sounds similar to DePalma's ending of Carrie.

I'm middle America who thought Rosie O'Donnell played Annie.

I’m the hollowed-out rotary phone.