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What little nuisances did you grow up with that you have banned from your adult life?

I am currently in the process of moving into a new apartment, rearranging my clothes and my closets. I never realized how OCD I am not about having the exact same hangers for everything. I grew up in a household full of haphazard hangers - dry cleaner hangers, department store hangers, plastic 1980s style hangers of all shapes and sizes, big and small. I never realized how much it bothered me. One of my guilty pleasures is going and buying a shitload of the exact same hanger - the same for clothes and the same bigger ones for coats.

The same goes for cups and glasses. We had Burger King glasses from Muppets take Manhattan to Star Wars, small cups, big cups, novelty glasses. Now all of my mugs and stemware have to match, four of each for each purpose.

by Anonymousreply 131September 24, 2023 2:56 AM

[quote] I grew up in a household full of haphazard hangers - dry cleaner hangers, department store hangers, plastic 1980s style hangers of all shapes and sizes, big and small. I never realized how much it bothered me.

I'm so terribly, terribly sorry for your trying childhood, OP, and proud of your purchases!

by Anonymousreply 1September 17, 2023 5:42 PM

Well there was trauma R1. The hangers was something I could actually correct.

by Anonymousreply 2September 17, 2023 5:48 PM

No wire hangers Im guessing?

by Anonymousreply 3September 17, 2023 5:53 PM

[quote]No wire hangers Im guessing?

Or apostrophes it seems. Oh, dear.

by Anonymousreply 4September 17, 2023 5:55 PM

Mom used to put all sorts of pans and pots in the unused oven.

I loathe that and now I won’t permit her to place anything for storage in the ovens.

We have proper storage containers now, too. None of this margarine or cool whip containers to store left-overs.

by Anonymousreply 5September 17, 2023 5:56 PM

R5, do you live with your mother or does she live with you?

by Anonymousreply 6September 17, 2023 6:05 PM

Pets. Other people can have them. I will pet them... that's about it.

by Anonymousreply 7September 17, 2023 6:10 PM

R5 employs his elderly mother as his maid.

He now says “My house, MY rules,” several times a day.

by Anonymousreply 8September 17, 2023 6:11 PM


by Anonymousreply 9September 17, 2023 6:12 PM

I can’t think of anything I’ve “banned” from my adult life. OP you sound like you didn’t have a good childhood and are overcorrecting, I don’t blame you. I no longer have pets while i did as a child but I wouldn’t call that banning.

by Anonymousreply 10September 17, 2023 6:18 PM

I know people don't want to hear about my terrible childhood. They truly don't understand what it is like to grow up in an abusive environment. My parents made Joan Crawford seem like Mother Teresa. They both had a hair-trigger tempers and would deliver harsh spankings and were extreme control freaks. Two things I could do to rebel were to become a picky eater and for my face to break out: @ age 11 had pimples, blackheads, whitehead and even boils. My mother made me sit on their bed with my head in her lap as she worked over my blemishes. One time after I as she put it "picked my own face" she cut my fingernails so short they hurt for 3 weeks. She used to serve all kinds of lousy food including canned corn. Have grown up not liking cooked vegetables. About the only I'll eat out of a can is pineapple. You SHOULD miss your parent when they die. I don't miss mine.

by Anonymousreply 11September 17, 2023 6:27 PM

I get it, R11, nobody wants to hear about an abusive childhood. Been there, believe me, but nobody wants to hear an adult talk about being abused as a child. So when people ask about my family in a friendly well-meaning way, I just say "Oh, there's issues there" and change the subject.

But I'm the opposite of the OP as far as household crap goes, I grew up being screamed at for failing to be perfect and to spend my life making everything in the house perfect, so everything in my apartment is casual and mismatched! NONE of the silverware or glasses match! I don't neatly make my bed with hospital corners, I throw comforters on! And when I buy a place of my own there will be NO CARPETS, no more vacuuming - just a Roomba to sweep things up!

by Anonymousreply 12September 17, 2023 6:55 PM

Sharing one bathroom with six other people. Now I have two-and-a-half for two.

by Anonymousreply 13September 17, 2023 7:11 PM

Why do you need bigger hangers for coats?

by Anonymousreply 14September 17, 2023 7:13 PM


My parents were late for everything and there was always a mad dash for the bathroom to shower and get out of the house. I was always already ready to go by then, yet the two of them were locked in a permanent Chinese Fire Drill as if the event we were attending was some sort of surprise. It drove me insane.

I am NEVER late for anything. Ever.

by Anonymousreply 15September 17, 2023 7:17 PM

[quote]None of this margarine or cool whip containers to store left-overs.

A friend who has at least two complete sets of Spode and (maybe) Johnson Brothers eats most meals out of cool whip containers.

by Anonymousreply 16September 17, 2023 7:27 PM

[quote]We have proper storage containers now, too. None of this margarine or cool whip containers to store left-overs.

My parents have (and always have had) random Tupperware containers without the lids. Or lids that don't match any containers.

Or lids to pans/dishes they no longer have. It drives me nuts.

I always keep this stuff hyper (almost OCD) organized now.

by Anonymousreply 17September 17, 2023 7:31 PM

You should hire yourself out as a professional household shopper, OP.

by Anonymousreply 18September 17, 2023 7:33 PM

Why does it matter, R6?

When we remodeled the kitchen last year, I made sure to give away any containers that didn’t have corresponding covers.

We now have plastic and glass containers with corresponding lids. We keep the lids in a big plastic storage bin.

Fuck off, R8, I say it with love. 😬

by Anonymousreply 19September 17, 2023 7:49 PM


by Anonymousreply 20September 17, 2023 7:49 PM

I stopped banning certain foods a long time ago. If I get a craving I satisfy it. I can’t believe the 60+ year olds who still obsess over food, like 20 year olds.

by Anonymousreply 21September 17, 2023 8:07 PM

[quote]I know people don't want to hear about my terrible childhood.

And yet, you still told us about it.

by Anonymousreply 22September 17, 2023 9:17 PM

Oh, and margarine.

by Anonymousreply 23September 17, 2023 9:19 PM

Any mold/mildew in shower tiles for obvious reasons.

by Anonymousreply 24September 17, 2023 9:22 PM


by Anonymousreply 25September 17, 2023 9:23 PM

Alcoholics. Bi Polar people. Violence. Religion. Guns.

by Anonymousreply 26September 17, 2023 9:24 PM


by Anonymousreply 27September 17, 2023 9:26 PM

r24 has stated her boundaries.

by Anonymousreply 28September 17, 2023 9:26 PM

[quote] Why do you need bigger hangers for coats?

Because coats are bigger and heavier.

by Anonymousreply 29September 17, 2023 9:27 PM

Clutter. My mom was a packrat. Before you could even clean a surface or vacuum the floor, you had to move things out of the way.

My mom grew up very poor, so she hated throwing things away.

by Anonymousreply 30September 17, 2023 9:30 PM

Lack of privacy. Growing up, I had to share a bedroom most of my life.

As a young adult, I had several different roommate situations.

Now, forget it. I live in a small apartment, by myself, but I'm comfortable.

by Anonymousreply 31September 17, 2023 9:32 PM

[quote]Why do you need bigger hangers for coats?

R14 Coats should be hung on wider hangers with larger shoulder surface area so they keep their shape. It's the same reason you shouldn't hang sweaters or any knits, but instead fold them down.

by Anonymousreply 32September 17, 2023 9:33 PM

Remember, "If it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down"?

As an adult, I vowed to always, always always flush the toilet after I've used it. And I always have.

As an OT corollary, when I was in grad school FT (91-96), I promised myself that after I left school I would never, ever, ever use a laundromat again. And with only two exceptions, I never have.

by Anonymousreply 33September 17, 2023 9:34 PM

Serving canned corn is an affront?

by Anonymousreply 34September 17, 2023 9:35 PM

Ditto to lack of privacy! Hated the "no inside locks" rule!! I lock all my inside doors - even when home alone.

by Anonymousreply 35September 17, 2023 9:38 PM

r5, I have to use my oven for some storage because my place doesn't have enough space. I use my oven often and it's a pain in the ass to have to remove the few things that are inside each time but I really have no choice.

by Anonymousreply 36September 17, 2023 9:44 PM

Saving money. I live as luxuriously as I want to.

by Anonymousreply 37September 17, 2023 9:46 PM

These goddamned things.

For just two or three dollars more you can get a sharper, more comfortable vegetable peeler.

We had the same damn one my whole childhood and my parents probably had it up until I was 35 or so, when I replaced it so I wouldn’t need a tetanus shot. Same with their knives!

My parents don’t cook much so I always had to bring my own vegetable peeler and knives and cast iron when I visited them.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 38September 17, 2023 9:49 PM

My family always stayed in the cheapest hotel possible, sneaking extra people in past the registration desk. Visits to family, were crammed with hordes of people too frugal to stay in even a cheap hotel. It wasn’t lack of money. As an adult, I’m a hotel snob and almost never like to stay as a guest in someone’s home. A nice hotel room is a worthwhile expense for me.

by Anonymousreply 39September 17, 2023 9:53 PM

bureaus. won't have them in the apartment. I refuse to fold clothing, I hang everything except underwear, bras and socks. those go in baskets.

by Anonymousreply 40September 17, 2023 9:54 PM

I understand, R36.

On our kitchen remodel I was lucky enough to request, and get, a skinny condiment cabinet right next to the stove.

Plus a drawer for the lids for my pots and pans. 🤗🤗

by Anonymousreply 41September 17, 2023 9:56 PM

Funny you say that R18, I am a personal shopper.

And R30, in the middle of writing this thread, I almost stopped to change it to that exact same issue. I grew up in a cluttered house and it was traumatic. As far as traumas go, it's a very mild one. But it does have an effect on you. I was constantly embarrassed by my home and we didn't have people over. If someone came by, you never answered the door. When family would visit from out of town when I was a kid, I would spend days straightening up, cleaning, cutting the bushes, doing dishes, cleaning my room and my mom's room because I didn't want people to talk about her. She could never throw anything away and always felt the need to be surrounded by stuff. Even to this day, if she visits me, I could have enough storage space for everything she has brought, but her stuff still ends up on top of the dresser or in piles on the floor, clutter piles of receipts, cups, plates. The mismatched jumble of hangers was only a small part of it.

To this day, I only want clean surfaces, clean floors. If I have a couch it is raised up off of the floor so I can see the expanse of the clean surface under it. I want nothing extra than what I absolutely need. And I am constantly culling my belongings, getting rid of duplicates or items I don't need. The only thing I keep long term are photos, letters from family and greeting cards.

I've always wanted my mom to have a nice home. She just wasn't much of a home maker. That is what I have become, and I have tried to do it for her. We have had huge fights over throwing out things, getting rid of clutter in her small condo (that I actually bought for her). She only seems to think you get rid of things if they are broken, and every little thing is a future project. And she loves to shop for random, random shit. We had to ban her from Zullily in my home. She erupted into tears when I got rid of an old Nano that I got her like twelve years ago, that you couldn't even use anymore. I hate to make her cry, but I have to make her see. I don't dare call her a hoarder, it was never THAT bad, but she has all of the characteristics of a hoarder. Actually I did call her a hoarder and she collapsed on her bed in tears and wouldn't come out for a couple of hours. These types of relationships are always tough when you genuinely want the best for someone BUT you kind of have to let them be who they are. Letting them be who they are is sometimes the best thing you can do for them.

She did like the way I fixed up her home though. She always thought I thought her stuff was crap and I wanted to get rid of it. But I actually used all the things she already owned to interior design her little condo. I paired random knick-knacks she had together so they made sense, used throws she had bunched up in the closet. I actually hung pictures that were on the floor leaning up against the walls for years. She saw her stuff in a new light and liked it. I think I did finally break through. At least when I go back to visit her now, it's exactly the same as I left it, except for all the almost dead grocery store flowers she likes tending to and drying out.

by Anonymousreply 42September 17, 2023 10:03 PM

Barbra Streisand worship. ALL (well almost all) CDs and old LPs into the trash!

by Anonymousreply 43September 17, 2023 10:06 PM

After that last tirade, the OP.

by Anonymousreply 44September 17, 2023 10:11 PM

Perhaps ironically, the nuisances I've now "banned" from my adult life were the products of my old childhood OCD. Dishes & glasses never bugged me, but I always lined everything up in the fridge in precise lines. I checked EVERY fucking window and door in the house – EVERY night – to make sure they were locked, including going into my mom's room long after she went to sleep. Our A/C system had a minor "hum" that was barely audible but enough to prompt me to pull out a 12-foot ladder and unlatch the wall panel that held its air-intake filter in place. I drove my mom largely crazy with that shit.

Decades later, nearly all of my OCD tendencies have long since dissipated. I've never had any type of therapy for it – and AFAIK it's not a disorder that can be "cured" per se – but I think it was all a product of an anxiety-laden youth (as a closeted teenager at a conservative school).

by Anonymousreply 45September 17, 2023 10:18 PM

I spent around $60 on making sure all my hangers were the same posh felt type.

by Anonymousreply 46September 17, 2023 10:19 PM

My entire family.

by Anonymousreply 47September 17, 2023 10:20 PM


by Anonymousreply 48September 17, 2023 10:47 PM

Only wooden hangars for me.

by Anonymousreply 49September 17, 2023 10:58 PM

R42 My dad is the same “almost hoarder.” He lives in a small apartment and every summer I ask if he would like me to come and help him weed through his things. He always refuses. I feel sad that he won’t do anything to improve his living situation.

I see many of the same tendencies in myself, so I tend to go overboard with getting rid of things that sometimes I do wish I’d kept and I need to buy again.

by Anonymousreply 50September 17, 2023 10:59 PM

Oh OP ! You sound like a housemate nurse ratchett.

by Anonymousreply 51September 17, 2023 11:03 PM

OP/R42, I had a very similar childhood in some ways. Not being able to have friends over can exclude a child from the round of activities that their schoolfriends engage in, and can be extremely damaging.

by Anonymousreply 52September 17, 2023 11:18 PM

Noise from others, and them as well.

by Anonymousreply 53September 18, 2023 12:15 AM

Rep 22: Thank you for your kind comment. It makes Faye Dunaway seem like Miss Congeniality. Hope it gave you a sense of power you lack in real life.

Rep 34: You can sit on a popsicle and tell what flavor it is that is where your taste buds are located.

by Anonymousreply 54September 18, 2023 12:17 AM

Interesting formatting, OP. And you seem a little sensitive.

Are you a new guest to this site?

by Anonymousreply 55September 18, 2023 12:41 AM

Let's see... my spoiled brat half-sister, my egotistical and equally spoiled grandfather who made Archie Bunker look warm and cuddly, my judgemental and phony grandmother, and my mentally unstable and absent mother. I haven't heard from my sister in twenty-four years and the last three are dead.

by Anonymousreply 56September 18, 2023 12:53 AM

I keep next to nothing on my kitchen countertops and never ever will I own a sectional sofa.

by Anonymousreply 57September 18, 2023 1:24 AM

Fridge, freezer, and pantry have things that you actually want to eat.

My parents' house had so much stuff in the freezer, in the bowels. Old stuff, stuff you forgot about. Pantry had cans of stuff you didn't want to eat. Refrigerator had many containers of leftovers. Every so often, my mom would go through the fridge and dump stuff. What a waste.

by Anonymousreply 58September 18, 2023 1:29 AM

Those fast food novelty glasses are now expensive collectibles

by Anonymousreply 59September 18, 2023 1:37 AM

My mother color-coded us. I was yellow and my drinking cup and toothbrush and bean bag, etc. were all yellow. I have nothing yellow now.

by Anonymousreply 60September 18, 2023 1:52 AM

Absorbent toilet tissue

by Anonymousreply 61September 18, 2023 1:54 AM

We we built the new house in the early’60s, dad wouldn’t install a food disposer in the sink because he believed we would clog the pipes up. I have had a food disposer in every apartment and home I’ve lived in since I’ve been on my own. Three apartments, three houses, four states.

by Anonymousreply 62September 18, 2023 2:13 AM

Mowing the lawn. I am the youngest sibling so this weekly chore got passed down to me very early on. I swore I’d never have lawn ever again and haven’t.

by Anonymousreply 63September 18, 2023 2:33 AM

Trauma doesn't include being served canned corn.

by Anonymousreply 64September 18, 2023 2:37 AM

[quote]What little nuisances did you grow up with that you have banned from your adult life?

Just the one.

by Anonymousreply 65September 18, 2023 2:48 AM

Watching tv any time of the day, even if it's really nothing i'm paying attention to. I go to sleep most often with tv as the background noise. And watching tv shows with no redeeming value like the Love Boat, Virgin River, select British, Australian and one or two US reality shows (NOT the Kardashians or Bachelor/Bacholorette/or "Idol" type shows).

When i was growing up, we were not allowed to watch tv very often: no morning or afternoon tv viewing, and most definitely never cartoons so I never watched Saturday morning cartoons unless i was spending a summer week with my Grandma.

We also were only allowed to watch shows that our parents felt was educational, sent a message, was strong on value or principals, hard work or had some sort of redeeming value: Little House on the Prairie, the Waltons, National Geographic, 60 minutes, a live musical show on PBS.

Believe it or not, my parents were hippies who strived to live as off-grid as possible and were vehemently against organized religion of any kind.

I also now keep diet Coke in the house (although i kind of go through phases on that) even though soda/soft drinks were not allowed and i have canned corn and green beans in the house too as we had no canned food of any kind - except tuna - as all our vegetables were grown by us). I have even bought Velveeta cheese on occasion (although that's been very rare). Government/processed foods of any kind were strictly verboten in our home. The closest we got was sometimes making salad dressing from the packets by adding our own oil an vinegar. We even made our own MAYONNAISE!!!

We did have Grey Poupon, though. And (shudder) liverwurst on occasion. We were poor folk.

Oh, and for some reason i recall never having washcloths around either. I have TONS of washcloths now.

by Anonymousreply 66September 18, 2023 3:16 AM

R66 Same here. No T.V. and no sweets growing up unless very special occasions. I love watching T.V. today and still hide cookies and candy in my suitcase when I am home for a visit.

by Anonymousreply 67September 18, 2023 3:21 AM

[quote] When we remodeled the kitchen last year, I made sure to give away any containers that didn’t have corresponding covers.

I bet the lucky recipients were thrilled!

by Anonymousreply 68September 18, 2023 3:28 AM

Well, as a matter of fact, yes, my aunt was glad to get some of our containers.

She no longer had to use the margarine containers either.


by Anonymousreply 69September 18, 2023 4:53 AM

At least her margarine containers probably had corresponding covers.

by Anonymousreply 70September 18, 2023 5:39 AM


Forget it, Jake- it’s Datalounge.

by Anonymousreply 71September 18, 2023 6:09 AM

[qoute]Oh, and for some reason i recall never having washcloths around either. I have TONS of washcloths now.

It must be a generational thing. My grandparents (born in the 20s) and my parents (born in the 40s) were the kind that once you bought a certain thing, you never had to buy it again unless it was destroyed - towels, sheets, pillows, toothbrush. When I was going through my early gayling interior design phase and was able to express my style in my own room, I remember convincing my mom to buy one of those "Bed in the Bags" with the matching comforter, curtains and bed skirt from Macy's. I was 16 at the time. I am 48 now. To this day, she still has it on her bed.

Oh and we were always renters growing up, so we never hung pictures or painted because my mom always wanted her security deposit back. Once I finally got my own place, I painted every room with strips, different designers, whatever and had entire art walls.

by Anonymousreply 72September 18, 2023 7:29 AM

^ The only picture we had hanging was a religious image. My father didn't want to change anything about his childhood home... which the municipality went on to declare unfit for occupation. I like to have some nice things now.

by Anonymousreply 73September 18, 2023 8:11 AM

Hangers are a thing for me too.

I'm also a purger. I have no sentimentality when it comes to keeping things. Including pictures..I throw things away that I have no "place" for and I'm obsessive about cleaning.

My mother was like this but not as bad. I've taken it to the next level.

by Anonymousreply 74September 18, 2023 1:02 PM

I have found it better in life to let go of things, to not be so sentimental. Things tend to hold you down especially over time when given more import. You don't really miss them when they are gone and that allows you to move forward in life. But a silly t-shirt that I could have lost any number of times over the years becomes important only because I've had it twenty years.

by Anonymousreply 75September 18, 2023 1:51 PM

What R39 said, especially about being an overnight guest in someone else's home. I get that some people offer that to be nice, and be mindful that everyone can't afford a hotel, but I don't like when I visit someone overnight and they "insist" I sleep on their futon or pullout couch, or in their kid's room, and act offended when I say I'm booking a hotel room for myself.

Worse still is the family member who has more money than me, but expects to move in with her husband and two teenaged sons at my house when they visit. I have one guest room that doubles as my office, and I work from home. She's oblivious.

by Anonymousreply 76September 18, 2023 4:59 PM

Cats. I don't hate cats, but I don't want them in my house.

by Anonymousreply 77September 18, 2023 5:14 PM

Spode r16? That is Frau Central.

by Anonymousreply 78September 18, 2023 5:16 PM

Loud music on the stereo or radio played by drunks. It’s headphones all the time now, drunk or sober.

by Anonymousreply 79September 18, 2023 5:19 PM

Soap and deodorant. Never again!

by Anonymousreply 80September 18, 2023 6:07 PM

I’m not a pet person either…like children, when they belong to other people I love them. Can’t see myself taking them on walks, veterinary visits and …cleaning their ANAL GLANDS! Many dog breeds require this…no thanks!

by Anonymousreply 81September 18, 2023 6:11 PM

I buy better toilet paper and bath towels than what I had, growing up.

My mom did have a lot of mismatched, plastic containers. I have containers in different sizes, but they're uniform, within each size.

by Anonymousreply 82September 18, 2023 6:13 PM

Turn the heating on at the slightest hint of cold.

by Anonymousreply 83September 18, 2023 6:16 PM

I love canned corn and peas. If it wasn’t a hassle carrying and storing a bunch of canned goods I would have them packed in my cupboard for snacks.

by Anonymousreply 84September 18, 2023 6:21 PM

Honestly, nothing. I grew up with more and had more than I do now.

I will say my first childhood home had both louvered windows, and the neighborhood sewers/drains had roaches. I'm glad I don't have to deal with either of those now. But we had a much bigger house and in a nicer area than I live in now.

by Anonymousreply 85September 18, 2023 6:27 PM

R78, Notice R16 carefully phrased her post so as not to reveal the sex of the Spode/Cool Whip dinnerware friend-- as if there could be any doubt!

by Anonymousreply 86September 18, 2023 6:33 PM

Spode dinnerware is perfect for serving up one of Cathy Mitchell's delicious dump cakes!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 87September 18, 2023 6:37 PM


by Anonymousreply 88September 18, 2023 6:42 PM

Darkness. I grew up in a huge colonial house and my rich parents were cheap as hell with the electricity. The house was always dark it seemed. Especially in the long northern winter. I have a much smaller house of course but when the sun goes down every fucking light in the house goes on and stays on until I go to bed. In the living room I have two floor lamps and a ceiling lamp. ALL ON. 💡💡💡💡

by Anonymousreply 89September 18, 2023 6:48 PM

The series of drunken stepfathers who would beat me.

by Anonymousreply 90September 18, 2023 7:00 PM

Someone mentioned TV. When we were little, my mom made us feel guilty for watching too much TV, sitting too close to the TV, etc.

As a younger adult, I watched TV (network, MTV, cooking shows, reality shows) as much as I liked.

Now, I don't have a TV, but watch a lot of YouTube on my iPad. A mixture of stuff, cooking, gossip, but some educational stuff (meditation, exercise), as well.

by Anonymousreply 91September 18, 2023 7:07 PM

If I want to roll up the cold cuts and eat it as a snack I will. No mother or father bellowing behind me "MAKE A SANDWICH THE COLD CUTS ARE NOT A SNACK."

by Anonymousreply 92September 18, 2023 7:59 PM

This thread should be titled ‘OCD Fags Unite’

Geez you all sound exhausting. Hopefully organizing your plastic food storage containers into color-coded bins makes you feel better about getting beat up by the hot quarterback and his cronies behind the high school.

by Anonymousreply 93September 18, 2023 8:01 PM

[quote][R78], Notice [R16] carefully phrased her post so as not to reveal the sex of the Spode/Cool Whip dinnerware friend-- as if there could be any doubt!

He's a he, r86. So am I.

by Anonymousreply 94September 18, 2023 8:59 PM

Sheesh, R93, lighten up.

It’s all in good fun.

Besides, what the fuck is wrong with being organized?

It was, and is, a big hassle to try to put leftovers away and not have the lid to the container you want to use?

I’ve never been in a fight, ever, either. Girls are much more civilized than the unwashed bullies.

Take a pill. 😬

by Anonymousreply 95September 18, 2023 10:56 PM

I don't keep food in the freezer forever. My mother thought that once you put something in the freezer it was good for infinity.

by Anonymousreply 96September 19, 2023 1:05 AM

"When not in use, turn off the juice!" my dad as he went around the house turning off lights.

Nuisance when I was a kid but now as an adult and I am the one paying the power bills ... .

by Anonymousreply 97September 19, 2023 8:15 AM

Living alone. I grew up in a small three bedroom row house in North Philadelphia. Even though it was only four of us, we always seemed to be on top of one another and my father allowed us no privacy; he said that it was his house and that we had no right to privacy until we moved out on our own. He’d even read my journals with my brother. Then they would tease me about it at mealtimes. My mom initially defended me but eventually told me that if I didn’t want people reading it I shouldn’t keep it in the house! I had no allies whatsoever. So, I grew up thinking that I had no right to personal space or boundaries. Only in adulthood did I find out that what my family had done to me was beyond odious. So now, I strongly cherish my privacy and solitude.

by Anonymousreply 98September 19, 2023 1:10 PM

It sounds like it’s still Dad’s house, R97.

by Anonymousreply 99September 19, 2023 10:59 PM

[quote]my father allowed us no privacy; he said that it was his house and that we had no right to privacy until we moved out on our own.

His attitude was quite wrong. If you bring children into this world, then you have a series of one-way obligations to them until they're adults.

by Anonymousreply 100September 19, 2023 11:21 PM

[quote] he said that it was his house and that we had no right to privacy until we moved out on our own.

This was the authoritarian parenting style, which my parents used, as well. I think I'd have more self-confidence if not for that. Authoritarian parents make you second-guess all of your ideas and thoughts.

by Anonymousreply 101September 19, 2023 11:33 PM

So many stories by grown men still scarred and compensating for hardscrabble upbringings. Yet the compensations are so modest. Sets of matching glasses, 4 of each style! Embarrass de richnesses.

by Anonymousreply 102September 20, 2023 12:07 AM

R100 he didn’t really want the responsibility of being a parent. He resented us because he couldn’t afford the material things that his friends had. He was a butcher and several of his friends were businessmen and entrepreneurs or had those well paying factory jobs that were prevalent throughout the 60s and 70s. They lived in Cherry Hill and Willingboro NJ, middle class enclaves with growing populations of affluent blacks. They would lease fancy cars and live in detached houses and go to the Caribbean for New Years. I’d watch him stew over the fact that he could not afford to live like them. But he lacked confidence in himself because, r101 he was raised by authoritarian parents and they undermined his confidence and character. And he took it out on his own family. The bastard.

by Anonymousreply 103September 20, 2023 1:07 AM

My mom wouldn't let us ever go to Jack in the Box, because she said their stuff was too salty. So now I go there all the time and get the Fat Whore Special.

by Anonymousreply 104September 20, 2023 1:08 AM



by Anonymousreply 105September 20, 2023 1:09 AM

Delayed gratification. Growing up, if anybody in my family wanted something, we had to wait. Not because we could not afford whatever it was, but because my parents ingrained into us kids that if we really wanted something, we should build anticipation for it by ... waiting. I remember wanting an adding machine when I was a kid. I *begged* my parents for one. Almost a year later, I got one for Christmas and was, like, an adding machine?! They had to remind me I really wanted one the previous winter.

Fuck that. If I want something, I get it or do it.

by Anonymousreply 106September 20, 2023 1:15 AM

Kraft singles

by Anonymousreply 107September 20, 2023 2:10 AM

R103, my father resented us too because he didn't want the obligations of parenthood. He would turn to my mother and call us "those fuckers" if the mood took him. The total self-centredness actually makes me laugh now.

by Anonymousreply 108September 20, 2023 9:04 AM

Did anyone actually say anything like R102's post? Or is inventing people he can look down upon just [italic] his [/italic] way of making himself feel better? Maybe he's a dish queen himself and someone struck a nerve.

by Anonymousreply 109September 20, 2023 9:08 AM

Yes of course I am a (reformed) dish queen! I am touched by the modesty in this thread. Yes OP mentioned the matching glassware. Reading skills?

by Anonymousreply 110September 20, 2023 10:15 AM

[quote]I am touched by the modesty in this thread.

Ugh, you sound awful. Also, your post made it sound like lots of people had stories like OP with the glassware, which is not true. "Reading skills?" yourself.

by Anonymousreply 111September 20, 2023 10:34 AM

Not having the whole can (or bottle) of a soft drink. With three siblings, two cans had to suffice for the four of us. Of course, my mom played the "mom trick" of letting one child pour, and the other one pick which glass to have.

I always think of that when people on airplanes ask for a whole can of something. Not that they're not entitled to it.

by Anonymousreply 112September 20, 2023 11:37 AM

Would you like the can, sir?

by Anonymousreply 113September 20, 2023 1:05 PM

My brother, his acoustic guitar, and I shared a bedroom. He was forever tuning that fucking guitar. I no longer listen to most music that features acoustic guitar, including classical. Can't stand that sound.

by Anonymousreply 114September 20, 2023 1:21 PM

I have a similar reaction to dish soap, R114, both the blue one and the lemon one. We had a dishwasher, but my parents never used it for pots and pans-- I had to wash those by hand. The lemon scented dish soap is not a clean, bright lemon scent, it's groady! And the blue one smells like misery to me.

I don't like Cascade dishwasher detergent, either, that's all my parents used from the time I was little until I was long gone. I used to hate getting a glass of water and being able to smell Cascade fragrance as I was drinking, . Now I use Finish (doesn't leave a scent) and whatever festive frau seasonal dish soaps I can find, and I change them out often so I don't have a chance to associate them with seemingly infinite hopelessness.

by Anonymousreply 115September 20, 2023 1:46 PM

Oh, I think you know very well what "little nuisance" I gave up some years ago.

by Anonymousreply 116September 21, 2023 1:09 AM

To R98, where in North Philly did u grow up? I grew up in East Falls(in the project& beside the project). It's considered NW Philly. I did like playing in RavenHill!! At 62 yrs old, I remember more GOOD than Bad!

by Anonymousreply 117September 21, 2023 1:40 AM

[quote]So many stories by grown men still scarred and compensating for hardscrabble upbringings. Yet the compensations are so modest. Sets of matching glasses, 4 of each style! Embarrass de richnesses.

"Compensations are modest", what in the hell is that? ChatGPT Talk? I am guessing that is why the thread is titled "LITTLE NUISANCES" R102 not "Major Traumatic Childhood Events that Changed the Course of your Life."

by Anonymousreply 118September 21, 2023 8:18 AM

I think you were right R103 to go along with your dad. I wouldn't fux with no Butcher. There is a reason they don't like using Butchers on juries.

by Anonymousreply 119September 21, 2023 8:20 AM

R117 near the SEPTA bus barn.

by Anonymousreply 120September 21, 2023 10:33 AM

We had some form of potatoes as a side for dinner growing up probably 80% of the time. Once I left the house, I’d only occasionally eat them when out, but I stopped eating them entirely at home. It wasn’t until my late 40s that I started buying them and making them at home again. I like potatoes well enough. I think it was just a case of ‘familiarity breeds contempt’, and I wanted to get to know other side starches. Rice is my bff, sorry Spuds.

by Anonymousreply 121September 21, 2023 10:51 AM

Maids who were lazy in the colonies. Today I only hire professional cleaners with stellar track records.

by Anonymousreply 122September 21, 2023 11:44 AM

Somebody upthread mentioned lateness. It wasn't extreme, but we (my family) were always the last ones to arrive somewhere (e.g., a party). My dad was the driver, so we were always waiting on him. He wasn't late to work. I think he was rebelling against having to be somewhere at a certain time.

by Anonymousreply 123September 21, 2023 6:38 PM

As per my original post, you are right, canned corn was a bad example. Would you like to be served eat up it's good for you liver loaf. It was gross. Or creamed beef served on white bread that wasn't even toasted. This devolved into disgusting messin seconds. As I mentioned I rebelled by being a picky eater. One evening when my mother was working, my father made hash and Jello. When I didn't eat the hash fast enough to suit him, he mixed both items together and made me eat it that way .

by Anonymousreply 124September 21, 2023 6:50 PM

That hash & jello sounds mean, R124.

That said, I was watching my little cousin feed her baby brother. She was in a hurry and started mixing the foods from the different jars (putting 2 things on the spoon). Vanilla pudding and chicken, IIRC.

by Anonymousreply 125September 21, 2023 7:01 PM

We always drove beaters in my family and it caused me no small embarrassment as a teenager. Now I’m firmly in favor of leasing just so I can have a fresh car every few years.

by Anonymousreply 126September 21, 2023 11:18 PM

Lights and heat ON! In winters the house was cold in order to reduce heating costs. Lights were turned on only as needed. As an adult, I decided that the reason I go to work each day is so I can have light and heat when I’m at home!

by Anonymousreply 127September 22, 2023 4:19 AM

Having to use public transportation. I don’t do it anymore, especially flying.

by Anonymousreply 128September 22, 2023 4:22 AM

I use the entire bag of Nestle semisweet chocolate chips when I make cookies. Mom used only half a bag.

by Anonymousreply 129September 22, 2023 4:34 AM

The TV has to be at least 6 feet away.

Fuck that.

by Anonymousreply 130September 22, 2023 5:13 AM

From about the ages of 6-16, my eldest brother hit me hard in the arm/shoulder every single time he could. Then he went away for some years and I grew much bigger than him. He's never hit me again, he doesn't dare.

by Anonymousreply 131September 24, 2023 2:56 AM
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