Gay Red Flags

I'm the vanilla sex preferences.

I’m the fear of swallowing.

I'm the apps that stay on the phone.

I’m R1 ‘s prolapsed hole.

Taylor Swift fans. If you have terrible taste in music, I probably can't trust you.

Too numerous to list.

Beyoncé fans. If you have terrible taste in music, I probably can't trust you.

"You're paying for this, right?"

I'm the lack of any male friends.

I’m the disposable flooring that greets you at the entryway.

I’m art that glorifies the human erection mounted throughout the living room.

I'm the wedding ring and wife

I'm the many pictures of myself, on my walls, credenzas, and even my phone's wallpaper.

I’m the raw ginger, waiting to get shoved up your asshole

I'm a DVD copy of Legally Blonde

R13 omg the phone background of themselves 🚩

I'm cod and prunes.

I’m all and only erotic coffee table books.

I'm the powerhouse corporate professional who is worth $5 million, own a penthouse condo, has a full-time employee to drive me around in a limo, and travel weekly out of state for work in my private jet. Strangely, you've never seen the condo, the limo or jet. You're always picking up the tab when we go to dinner.

I'm George Santos.

I’m family albums filled with Polaroids of your date’s swinging and orgy history.

I’m constantly interrupting you to answer texts and calls from girlfriends with annoying “yaaaas kween” affectations.

R14, I'm pushing sixty and have NEVER heard of that way to use raw ginger...

R22 Gurrrrllll…

I’m saying “Yaasss Kween!!!”

I’m a collection of smutty Hummel figurines.

Red flags for what? That a gay is a bad gay?

I’m the look: little cutoff tee with 90s jeans, ethnic hair that pushes the limits to prove a point, lipgloss, foundation/concealer & eyeshadow, Doc Martens, a little dangly earring, a pinkie ring, bracelets, and squiggly tattoos.

I'm the shop bottom who thinks that being behind the counter is the same as being in front of the counter.

I’m the roommate.

R23 google FIGGING

I’m the references to “mother”

I'm the rimming chair, discretely disguised with a throw blanket when guests come over.

I’m using “she/her” to refer to other gay men.

I’m the stains on the carpet he doesn’t seem to notice.

I'm the bar cart.

I’m the giant poster of Marilyn Monroe over his bed.

I’m his casual reference that he’s been in between jobs for a year or more.

I’m his

Cigarettes

High credit card debt

Racist remarks

I’m the former boyfriend now turning tricks for meth with my broken dick in Puerto Vallarta .

I'm the "fuck the vanilla sex experience" and want you to go straight-up fisting me while in a full-size hamster suit.

I’m the third time he’s canceled plans due to a hangover

I’m his casual reference that he only does coke a few times a week

I'm the Golden Girls... box set.

I'm also the Golden Girls Christmas tree ornaments.

I’m the stink of filthy roadhouse whiskey on his breath.

I’m the pile if unpaid bills you find in a kitchen drawer along with packs of mustard.

I am the tacky special order Louis Vuitton / Gucci male purse, bag, wallet I just have to bring with me everywhere so people know "I gots money"

I'm the "REP" on his voter registration card.

R48 Even worse when it's a fake one.

I’m this question.

I’m the terrible realization that he and his friends only talk about Real Housewives and TikTok videos.

I'm:

Singing in public

Drawing attention to himself constantly.

Loudness

[quote]I’m the stink of filthy roadhouse whiskey on his breath.

Hey, Mrs. White. Is Carrie home?

I'm the only shirts he owns - tank tops and conversational tees.

I’m the pnp and anything goes

I am the eHarmony ad where I have the same exact interests as almost all gay men. There is nothing unique about me.

Hi Del / r40!

I'm the green hair. It's the first of many signs you see that will eventually lead you to understand that they identify as gay, but not a man, and you then have to dance with their gender politics until you go home.

I'm mentioning their "sign" after you're introduced.

I'm the large blue plastic barrel of hydrochloric acid in his apartment.

I'm 100,000 replies and 10 likes on something called "Datalounge."

I’m his large collection of American Girl dolls on his bedroom shelves, with many pictures of his mother on his nightstand.

I’m the missing tooth.

I’m the hag with too much power

I'm the basement or "loft" with a mattress on the floor.

I’m the many binders stuffed with Playbills.

I’m Madonna memorabilia everywhere, chronicling her entire career.

F&F R1

I’m those Gray Ace people who want something deeper but not in their ass. At least right away.

R50 is trying to justify why he's actually the tacky queen described in R48.

"My ex is my best friend"...........Means.........We still fuck and will deny it.

"My Mom is my best friend".............means..........."I am going to run to Mommy with every gripe I have and she will take MY side. Then she is going to nag you and tell you everything YOU are doing wrong...Get ready for it. The two of us are going to make your life hell until you walk out the door and never come back."

I'm the rings and necklaces and scarves and bracelets and accessories, accessories, accessories darling! I look like someone who was coated in glue and set loose in a Claire's.

R74 Well accessorization is what you were really looking for.

I’m the unconventional spelling of an otherwise ordinary name.

I’m the hole in several garments where the theft security tag was removed.

I’m the two guys feeling up your date when you return from the bar with his drink.

I'm a 40 year old bartender who insists my acting career will take off any day now! I have two self produced podcasts and a web series no one watches or listens to. I just came back from my second stint in rehab in a six month period for "anxiety." My best friends are a married couple who were friends with my ex before I started sleeping on their couch "between apartments" and they were forced to take my side. I've been here for over a year.

Just the Cliff’s Notes, please—not the full volume of your autobiography.

I’m living in WeHo, HK, South Beach, any part of D.C., or Oaklawn.

I am the greasy door handles and the little baggies between the seat cushions.

I AM the Skye Vodka.

I'm the chipped, dusty Phantom of the Opera mask on his wall.

I'm the screen burn of the Chaturbate logo

The Ethan Allen decorating addiction while looking down at you for not having "taste"

I’m the cancellation due to a sore throat and then you find out later from friends that he was out at the bars.

I’m the doxyPEP… taken daily. 🥴

I'm the historically challenged guy who thinks you must wear a condom even if you're on Prep.

I'm chemsex, especially the date rape drugs you voluntarily take so that you don't remember anything.

I'm R89 who thinks HIV is the only STD around.

I'm Mitzi

I'm the broke unemployed renter who introduces himself as a writer/producer.

I’m demanding ‘BB ONLY’ like R89 obviously does. Put more loads in my infested Kombucha Bottom hole. NOW!

I’m the antibiotic resistance.

I’m alcoholism.

R94 high fade moron

Posts selfies on insta all day and seems to travel all the time and live large despite not having a job

Being a member of the Log Cabin Republicans

High grade moron as well 🤠

[quote] The Ethan Allen decorating addiction while looking down at you for not having "taste"

Oh you know him too, huh?

I'm a "model"

My only "modeling" seems to consist of a handful of shots of me posing in my underwear on some shady-looking website

I’m Andy Cohen.

There are pictures of me hanging out with Aaron Schock

I'm Moobs McSeacow.

I'm the 50 year old who just joined an improve class. I tell everyone it's just for fun, to get out of my shell but secretly I am hoping it springboards me into being an actor and Hollywood movie star.

You are going to be at my show right?

I'm use of the word "prisspot."

I'm the mansion and sports car that were paid for by Peter Thiel

I’m the guy who tells his boyfriend at the nude beach that I’m going for a walk, and then I walk right into the bushes.

When he can't call a dick a dick, and calls it his dingle dangle instead.

When mother's doilies are on every flat surface in his home.

I'm the guy whose past relationships consisted of feeding random straight guys beer and drugs.

I’m R106

My dreams died in my youth when I was repeatedly molested by a family member. I have a very cold Stalinist view of the world. If someone is not doing manual labor or a desk job by 28, and are still pursuing any frivolous dreams, they better be a wealthy international celebrity or they might as well drop dead. I want the rest of the world to be as dead inside as I am.

I'm the bottles of bum wine in the kitchen

I’m the sex/alcohol/drug addiction that is GLARINGLY obvious to everyone else in the room!

Too much DL

R112 GURL!

you came in HARD!

I'm the 20-year-old twink whose boyfriend is an elderly man who just happens to have a lot of money.

I'm R112 who was triggered by R106 for pointing out Improve classes are not going to make him a star. Especially at middle age.

Moves to a new city every few years for a ‘restart’. Blames the prior city for his lack of success or happiness. Hasn’t figured out he’s the common variable.

If they reach the age of 40 without ever have a relationship that lasted at least 1 year, it's a BIG red flag. It usually means no one can put up with them that long.

I'm the gay man who is never at ease, for whom nothing is ever easy. Everything must be said with a note or archness and condescension, everything must be a little funnier than it is, no double-entendre may be left unexplored, nor fillip, nor flourish. Everything has a story, and a dramatic one.

No article of clothing without frills and flourishes and intensity of pattern, color, and texture enough to make Donatello Versace's head spin. No article of clothing or style of hair or grooming product or any object in his home comes without a rote explanation, an apology that it's not better, a boast that it is better. No vacation is ever taken, nor walk to the corner store for bread is ever a simple journey, it is one of Hercules's labors, only greater.

My manufactured drama and specialness and he quality of competitiveness that exudes all that I do or say or intimate with with a tiny sigh or raised eyebrow or poutines is frankly fucking exhausting. But isn't it all so clever?

Has never had an eating disorder

Blocking people over really petty shit.

[quote]But isn't it all so clever?

The irony.

I'm the letter e being added to the end of the word 'improv' for some reason

I’m the worship of all things Disney, and the gaudy collection of Disneyana. Disney is inserted into every conversation.

"I'm not political."

Grindr profile with a photo of a female in it.

R119, sounds exactly like this guy I used to know. He's an escort and a grifter/con-man who steals from his tricks and sugar daddies. When people catch onto him in one city, he moves to another.

GERG

His favorite singer is Britney Spears

He's 30 but only dates 18 or 19-year-olds

^R54.

He starts talking about all the antique china he just bought at a garage sale.

I’m the “RAW IZ LAW!!” Bttm that blocks / ghosts when a top (or his profile) suggests the possibility of using a condom with a stranger

I'm the sixth month of dating and you still haven't met anybody he knows. We always go to discreet restaurants or stay in.

I'm the copious amounts of his pot I was looking forward to smoking, until he pulled out a metal bowl.

I'm really bi.

he's 60 and on his Grindr profile states he only dates 18-25 and pleads "please don't message me if you're older, it won 't work"

Twenty minutes after you leave his place after your very first assignation, he calls to tell you he "misses your voice."

I’m the giant terd he forgot to flush because he thought it would be funny.

R139, it’s the afternoon call - the one after the morning call. He ate lunch. Do you… Do you want to know what he ate? Hmm?

I'm the uncut guy who can't skin it back (phimosis). No living out a fantasy for you. Suck on the lifeless twig while he enjoys your real penis. Complete disappointment. Ripoff. Fraud. Scam.

You have wasted your time, completely.

R139 talking about his Asian dates.

R142 owns this thread. Run!

I’m the webmistress with an agenda who blocks and labels posters who don’t feed into my extremist ideology.

"Pictures aren't me but what I like" on their profile

He uses pictures on his social media from 10 years (and 60 pounds) ago

My favorite- you show up to his place and an old man answers the door. He apologizes and says your date ran out to get cigarettes.

And you’re waiting, and waiting, and waiting.…

They have a BB BFF who is rich, single, 35, and looks fertile.

He wont let you touch him because he thinks YOU got AIDS but he feels like the world is unfair and the reason he's alone is out of his control.

Drags his fag hag everywhere, even to gatherings that are clearly intended to be for gay men only

I’m the pictures from 2007.

All his friends are ex-boyfirends.

He seems to travel a lot with older daddy types but says they are just "friends".

I’m the huge collection of empty liquor bottles.

When telling you about his family, he mentions, "Mother" as if that's her name. ("So, this afternoon, Mother called and she was having quite the spell.") I have my own mother, thank you. That type of idolization is usually a indicator that he will expect you to place his family above your own.

I’m the giant, economy sized drum of lube on the bedside table, I didn’t know they came that big!

He doesn't kiss well.

[quote] I didn’t know they came that big!

I'm the creampie to which this statement also applies!

"Be right back. I gotta go Poopy-Doo!"

He starts talking about his skin care routine and the cosmetics he "just adores".

He constantly uses the word “luxurious”.

He has a collection of antique dolls.

Teddy bears on the bed.

MAJOR RED FLAG if said bear is wearing a tiny leatherman outfit.