New ideas for shows for Datalounge Network

Cooking with Gerg. Though Gerg would have to have its voiced altered and its features blurred out. As it doesn't want anyone to know its actual sex or race. So no live studio audience. Learn how to boil water in 20 simple steps!

Hollywood Chat with Darfur Orphan. The Darfur orphan interviews celebrities and condoles them on their petty problems.

Mrs. Patsy Ramsey, formerly of Boulder, CO, hosts a "reimagined Romper Room".

America's Next Top Womanly Butt. Things that make me go "meh" The Vivian Vance Show! Poo Shoes

[quote]Hollywood Chat with Darfur Orphan

I would watch the fuck out of that show.

Cooking with Darfur Orphan would be quite vivid.

"Joan Steffend's Tasteful and Twenty."

DTLN gives Joanie a $20 and a sixer of Yellow Tail and has her redo rooms.

A "This Week" style Sunday show with a roundtable panel arguing about blind items.

“Eating Light with Chrissy Metz”

bring back 'The Weakest Link"

This week!

Aaron SCHOCK! Chrissy METZ and PON! Brendad ICKSON! Lens DUNHAM!

Chasten BUTTIGIEG! Billy PORTER! Burke RAMSEY! Bristol PALIN!

and in the center square: Roxane GAY! (don't worry, we had the set reinforced)

They're here to play America's new favorite game, the DATALOUNGE SQUARES!

Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous of NYSD, hosted by Didi and Cici von Muffington

"Casket Dancing With the Stars"

The Real Housewives of Sumer

Family Feud with the Judds

Supertrans

On the sister channel DATAMUNDO, enjoy our new telenovela LA VIDA PUTA.

Ouija Board Weekly. Each week an interview with a deceased star, brought back for an hour for an exclusive interview.

Lesbians vs. MTF Transgender discussion show.

Each episode is 3 days in length and all guests just repeat the same made up statements and claims over and over and over and over and over and over.

Topics include:

- Bathrooms. - Rape. - Sport. - Rape. - Being forced at gunpoint to have sex with transgender people. - Rape. - All gay children being erased. - Rape. - Women's rights. - Rape. - What is a woman? - Rape.

Anyone who watches the show starts planning their own suicide within minutes. Nobody has ever seen the end of the show.

- Rape.

“WHET and Wild”

Catch up with 80’s gay porn stars, 1 hit wonders from old Gap playlists, and the inventors of the Viennetta frozen dessert. Hosted by Dr. Joyce Brothers and Paul Lynde.

R7 I'm SO there for that series!

Extra bonus points if Joan makes it to the end before passing out.

R17 to be followed by the long anticipated telenovela LA GORDITA PUTA.

And the documentary special "La Pissalina: The Broken Dicked Drug Fiend of Puerto Vallarta."

"Getting Classy With Food Stamp Cookery" hosted by Jackie on Assistance

I want my own talk show. I'm calling it...La Chat. A sophisticated late night soiree with a bit of Robin Byrd thrown in.

"Exhausted"

Roxane Gay's weekly talk show.

"Under Intense Pressure"

The weekly talk show from Roxane Gay's Chair.

"Sex tips with Muriel"

An octogenarian who was first triple penetrated during the Kennedy administration. Advices todays youth (and those over 60 but who look only 20) on how to have pleasurable relations.

R27 in the off season, they just run episodes of Talk Sex with Sue. “….this dildo is so high tech, it could have been invented by NASA… 🚀 “

That’s So Meghan!!!!!

A former A-List actress marries the 2nd heir to the throne of a British royal dynasty while secretly carrying a black love child!!!

Hilarity ensues!!!!!!!!

Ace of Spades: ♠️ A different kind of dating show

The Pepsi Cola Gay Porn Hour Hosted by Mrs. Alfred Steele

A weekly variety show highlighting the newest in gay porn and up and cumming porn stars. There is also a weekly Pepsi challenge were future porn stars have to get creative in “product placement” of a Pepsi bottle….

FAGS!!!!! Hosted by Matt Damon

Matt Damon presents hole while also presenting Facts About GayS

Let’s Roll™️ Into the Kitchen with Lisa Beamer

Alec Baldwin hosts “Fuck Around and Find Out”

it’s Cops meets Scared Straight meets the Brady Bunch.

Fat Whore Wars and nightly sex and the city and queer as folk marathons. (Both versions)

WHET Weekly.

“Dicks”

No explanation required.

Below Dick, a transy kinda talk show starring Dylan Mulvaney and Jazz sponsored by BUD LIGHT.

WELCOME TO MY HOMO with Brenda Dickson, former star of CBS's The Young and the Restless hosts a breezy hour with her hand picked gay fan of the week. Trips to Gelson's for potato salad, dress fittings with Raoul, and the guard gate at CBS Televison City where Brenda recites warm remembrances of Bill Bell and Jeanne Cooper. This week's guest - Doug Davidson.

BED TIME WITH BRYAN acclaimed director Bryan Singer helps put your kids to sleep by reading out loud some of his favorite stories from Nifty. org

Sex in the North

"Schockingly RIGHT!"

The Cockgobbler gives fashion and decorating tips.

"Verificatia of Sizemeat"

A Dating Game-style show where three men are interviewed and asked questions about their junk. The contestant must guess whether the men are packing, or whether they have tinymeat syndrome.

"Our Authentic Selves"

A show about living in truth and authenticity

with your hosts

Kevin Lanflisi, Alok, and LENS

Game show based on " What's my line" called "What's my Demographic" Panelists will be blindfolded and only allowed to ask "woke " questions such as.

1. Have you been victimized by the hetrosexual normative majority?

2. In the spectrum of pan veganism where do you reside?

3. Repeat this back to me. " Can I ask you a question?"

"Clack Fan"

A show similar to The Talk or The View where several YASSS KWEEEN queens sit around, complain about wypipo, cis people and The Patriarchy, and then emphasize their displeasure with a loud CLACK! of their clack fans.

WHET - a show that features one obscure actor from any era or genre. .

"I Have Sufficient."

Contestants are continuously offered food until they utter the phrase "I have sufficient." Cancelled after the first episode, which featured contestants Chrissy Metz, Chris Christie, and Carnie Wilson. No one ever spoke the required words.

Leave the T- a Survivor-like game show where the Pretty white gays vote out the trans people, the non-binary and then all the non-white gays, then one by one eliminate the fattest white gays.

[quote] WHET

Okay, we've now had 3-4 suggestions involving WHET. I think that's been covered

r46 IDKH - WHETs sister show in which a relatively well known actor or musician under 40 talks to an elder gay who asks repeatedly who the fuck they are.

[quote] Trips to Gelson's for potato salad

Potatoe!

R48, great idea!

They need Jeff Varner to host!

Catch It and You Keep it!

"Try and stay awake through this" with Don Lemon. Each week Don updates us on his daily routine. From using the toilet first thing in the morning to putting on his face before bed.

"You're a Whore, Darlin'!" an interactive talk show where guests share their sexual adventures. At the end of each guest's tale, the audience shouts, "YOU'RE A WHORE, DARLIN'!" The guest who gets the loudest shouts/took the most loads gets a sex toy gift basket from Adam and Eve.

"Mommie Dearest", is a game show where three gay men sit hidden from their three mothers like the Dating Game, and each mother with a voice disguise device unleashes a tirade of insults at them and the sons need to pick out which one is their mom. The winner gets a bodybuilder.

The Maury Povich Show DataLounge Special

Maury returns, but this time rather than a panel of potential fathers he has a panel of potential sock puppet creators. The audience oohs and ahhh at the reveals and than Muriel demands child support payments from the sock holders.

"How Now, Seacow?"

A half hour comedy highlighting the life and times of Moobs McSeacow.

Also starring Neil Patrick Harris as La Belle Schock, KJ Apa as Harrison the Petrified Target Employee, and Donald Glover as the poor DoorDash delivery man that Moobs continuously calls his "boyfriend."

Kill It, Cure It and Cook It!

R58 And like Carlton the Doorman on Rhoda, Moobs will refer to his important relative who's a member of the NYPD.....but the audience will never see that person or any evidence of their actual existence......

Defenestration Update

Hosted by and including always-new footage shot by V. Putin

Dead to Me Daily

Solid (Tampa) Gold. A reboot of the classic music showcase hosted by Sondra Pill.

Or even by Sondra PRILL

Thank you R64… fucking autocorrect!

Which inspired me to suggest “Esiting for Wverykne” 3 second PSAs, much like “Schoolhouse Rock” in which Muriel offers editing tips and critiques.

The Prancersize Programme!

Stars of the Golden Age Celebrity Death Watch

This week: Eva Marie Saint, Kim Novak & Robert Wagner!

Pencil-Dialing for Dollars

The Anti-Trans/Anti-Drag Queen Rage-a-holic hour, in which a basement dwelling gay incel rages on endlessly about gay erasure and other delusions.

Greenlit for a pilot only. No one in their right mind would watch this pointless drivel week in and week out.

Datalounge History Channel - where the host explains why it is WHET and not WEHT among other Datalounge eccentricities. Cheryl a brief history. Who is Poo shoes...where is Greg? Was Silky Nutmeg Ganache really here?

The Real Kept Boys of WeHo

The Kevin Spacey Acting Workshop - watch Kevin gives tips to young aspiring actors. Males only. No fats, no fems, no blacks, no Asians

Unsolved Mysteries: Datalounge Edition - in this updated version of the show, we examine mysteries like "How did Jeff Gannon get a White House press pass?"

The updated concept for Pencil-Dialing for Dollars will involve examining how much flair and flamboyance contestants invest in their pencil dialing prowess.

There will also be speed dialing contests to see who can pencil dial a 10 digit number the quickest on a rotary phone, a push button phone, a flip-phone and an iPhone.

The show will also feature regular segments for Teen Tournaments and Pre-Teen Tournaments of aspiring pencil dialers.

Datalounge Movie of the Week

Rather than showing an actual movie, this popular weekly program features a panel of homosexuals taking an extraordinarily deep dive into the minutiae of classic films. First up: Rosemary's Baby.

[quote]The show will also feature regular segments for Teen Tournaments and Pre-Teen Tournaments of aspiring pencil dialers.

Bryan Singer and Kevin Spacey will personally screen the contestants before approving them to play in the tournaments.

TASTEFUL EYE FOR THE HOMELESS GUY. Five of DL's snobbiest "friends" are let loose in downtown San Francisco, and wackiness predictably ensues. "The interior of your cardboard box is a little dated, true, but the bones are GREAT, and if you can just embrace the cubist vibe..."

[quote}Oh, Dear!

A spelling bee type game show where contestants have to use proper grammar and spelling via display to cite phrases, sentences and proper nouns. The DL Maiden Aunt Brigade will be the judging panel.

Top prizes are: A Texas Manor fruitcake subscription; a lovely floral chintz davenport; Ruby Red vintage glassware set, and dinner and drink tickets to the local country club.

"Real Ex-Wives of Beverly Hills". starring Dataloiunge faves Alice Evans, Amber Heard, Christine Baumgartner, Heather Mills, and Jerry Hall.

Rumor has it that Angeline Jolie and Meghan Markle are being begged to appear, but no luck so far.

"Race To the Bottom"

Teams of Alpha Male Tops Race Around the World following clues that lead them to the grand prize, an evening with Armond Rizzo.

Hosted by Magnolia Bottomley (Miss Lindsey in drag)

"I Never Thought He Was Funny." Each weekly half hour is dedicated to a deceased comedy legend.

To be followed by "I Thought He Was Already Dead."

BRF Now!

A 24-hour news channel devoted to all things related to the British Royal Family. Every royal will be covered. From Queen Consort Camilla to Princess Michael of Kent, plus a certain actress turned exiled royal.

Everything the royal family and their relatives do will be covered in relentless detail. Andrew goes to visit a sexual predator? We've got it covered. Prince Louis scrapes his knee on the playground? We're there! Princess Eugenia sneezes? We're telling you about it before the snot hits the wall.

When there's not breaking news on the Windsor Bunch to discuss, past gossip and scandals will be rehashed in excruciating details. No iota of factoid will be too minute to be examined under endless hours of DataLounge scrutiny.

On Mondays, the channel will be devoted to Markle Mondays -- a full 24 hours of non-stop Meghan Markle discussion. Be there or be square!

Faulty Trump Towers.

That will be playing 99% of the time.

"The Real Beards of Washington, D.C."

This thread is destined to become a classic. More! More!

"Cocktails with the Queen," a new talk show starring DL fave, Queen Camilla. This week's episode: "Bitches I Hate."

R83, will Tim Scott's lovely new Christian girlfriend being making an appearance?

The Beth Jarrett Hour - where Beth judges all her guests for not being as good as Buck

Educational Programming:

The Lighter Side of Slavery - brought to you by the Florida Department of History

Educational Programming from Florida's Don't Say Gay Department:

History's Loneliest Bachelors: Why Walt Whitman, Alan Turing, and Tennessee Williams Tragically Never Found Mrs. Right.

The Love Boat: Atlantis Cruise Edition -

Your favorite actors from yesteryear take a fun-filled trip on an Atlantis Cruise!

“To Catch a Predator” with everyone’s favorite creepy uncle, GapPlaylist guy.

I am more than sure that closetgay Fox and ABC executives are quickly jotting down as many of these concepts as possible - especially "You're a Whore Darlin!"

Homeless Trade Makeover......DL shopbottoms give a homeless man a makeover, shave, deworming and scabies treatment.

“Bronzie Loves Chachi”

*theme from A Summer Place starts playing* This week begins our new Home and Garden programming block. It starts with an all-new episode of "Tasteful Friends" starring Nicolas Fairford.

But this week, it will be guest hosted by our favorite decorating eldergay queen, P. Allen Bottom! He'll show you several country estates in the U.S. South -- and will give you an opportunity to see him turn into his beautiful drag alter-ego known as Petunia Clark. Doily collections, how to bag a rich husband, anal douching tips, flower arranging, fine gilded bone china, art nouveau, and MORE! This week on the DataLounge Network.

And PS, I am quite fond of Bronzie.

[quote] Datalounge Movie of the Week - Rather than showing an actual movie, this popular weekly program features a panel of homosexuals taking an extraordinarily deep dive into the minutiae of classic films. First up: Rosemary's Baby.

Second film: Girl Most Likely To

"Gaudy Like Me! " -- Drag hair, makeup and fashion tips from MSNBC's Joy Ann Reid.

Blowing the Homeless for Dollars!

Norwegian Catholics and its sister show Bay Ridge Norwegian Catholics.

Experts discuss the existence of such creatures. Are they fact or fiction?

‘¿Do You Think, No?’

A show where the host asks your opinion, no?

"Momma's Family"

Direct from her trailer with the Cagemeat of the Week!

From the makers of Farmer Needs a Wife, here comes Director Needs a Twink, the Bryan Singer dating show!

LATE NIGHT with SHELLY HACK!

Shelly interviews all the HOTTEST stars of today such as Polly Holliday, Max Gail and Mindy Cohn.

Chrissy Metz Presents Snacks for the Snack Purse.

Unfunny SNL bits from the 1970s- all of them on loop 24/7.

Bryan Singer Presents - kind of like Alfred Hitchcock Presents, but with more twinks

"Shopbottoms"- 'If you have to ask, you can't afford it!'.

Five aging twinks struggle to survive retail jobs in the Big City- while holding on to their dreams.

Who Wants to Be Peter Thiel's New Blood Boy?

"Me, Joel, and Mitzi Too!"

Our favorite horny neighbor and his Lhasa Apso travel the county solving crimes with the help of their college student friend Joel.

county = country!

"Faghag"- A struggling young actress collects a motley crew of gay friends after moving to The Big Apple.

"Kavorting With Kevin!" (OWN)- Roll-up your sleeves for a dumpster dive into the world of iconic, ironic literary diva Kevin Sessums. Episode 1: K.S. gets throwed out of a church rummage sale for taking two donuts intead of one.

The Kevin Lanflisi Football Hour - Kevin shares his thoughts on football, but mostly just rants about Aaron Rodgers. Each episode ends with Kevin's slam poetry

On Sunday nights, I never miss the sophisticated panel show "What's My Pronoun?".

Smegmadoon!

I would watch half these shows.

At least.

"To Tell the Top"

A panel of guest celebrities quizzes two total bottoms and one top in an attempt to determine who actually can perform insertive anal intercourse and who is actually Ol' Helium Heels.

"The Amazing Race with Denise"

Denise hosts 13 lesbian couples and the problems they encounter trying to get to WashFest, the successor to MichFest.

Cancelled after the third episode due to transwomen lawsuits.

The New Rachel Maddow Show - a weekly, one minute show where Rachel pauses, and well that's it.

"Chic Chix"- Each week a lipstick lesbian tries to teach poise, diction, social skills and style to a trio of diesel dykes.

"Heartstopper" - No not the actual show, why the fuck would we care about that? Its DLs ongoing round table where we discuss the actors, who has more social media followers, who broke up with who, why Joe Locke's gremlin face is the cutest thing ever. - On 24/7

We tried inking a deal with David Venable for a late-night "In the Bedroom with David" shopping program but unfortunately, he wouldn't take the deal since he wouldn't demonstrate the dildoes on camera.

Project Kaftan. Self Explanatory.

R103 see R39

[quote] but unfortunately, he wouldn't take the deal since he wouldn't demonstrate the dildoes on camera.

I will!

Guess who has Type 2 Diabetes! Each week a panel of "celebrity" judges have to guess which contestant has Type 2 Diabetes! Join us for the exciting bonus round where they guess the A1C of the panel!

R113 wouldn't that show be called "Messhy?"

"No Bad Men" - training advice presented by Datalounge Emotional Support Therapist, Miss Peanut, and her intern Prancer.

"These Boats Are Made For Walking." Join Ron Desantis as he fights his inner demons as he travels from gay bar to gay bar across the country.

"Sizemeat Or Tinymeat?" (BDF)- A panel of veteran size queens tries to determine the length and girth of a group of clothed men. The Big Reveal at the end is pay-per-view only (VISA or Mastercard). Winner gets a $10,000 shopping spree at Dicker & Dicker of Beverly Hills.

Judge Judy LGBTQ edition. Watch each week as Judge Judy does her best to not scream homophobic epitaphs as she gets owned by bitchy, snarky, witty litigants who put her in her place. Ru Paul stars as the Bailiff.

Snatch Game

Hosted by Cheryl

Sows at the Trough, the Reality Show

Two offices compete each week to solicit the most bountiful edible gifts from their vendors and then consume every bite in record time.

"What Will Brandon Routh Do For $5?": A show about has-been hotties tempted by the allure of quick bucks. Rated M for Mature.

George Santos' 50 Load Weekend

[quote]Judge Judy LGBTQ edition. Watch each week as Judge Judy does her best to not scream homophobic epitaphs

She is very liberal and would be putting the douchebags on the show in their place as per usual.

Inspired by the linked thread.

"Battle of the Yassss Kweens"

Teams of screeching, pretentious twinks battle it out to see who can be the most exhausting and offensively stereotypical.

"Towel Dance" (LOGO)- Hosted by Danny Pintauro, contestants compete to snap the most dick pics from toilets, gyms, nude beaches, etc.- without getting arrested or assaulted (a celebrity is an automatic win).

You're the Top, hosted by Andy Cohen. Famous tops explain why they are 100% tops who would never bottom ever

The Debbie Down There Report, with Dr. Cheryl

Inspired by r18's oujia board show idea, a psychic channelling Joan Rivers could host Fashion Police shows on the red carpets at the Oscars, Emmys, etc.

Would Joan's wit work without her delivery, though?

"How Moist Was My Mussy," a weekly anthology series based on Momma's experiences in stalking and dating hot cagemeat.

Followed each week by

"I Know Why the Cagemeat Sings," a variety series featuring men's prison choruses from around the country.

The Datalounge Mystery Movie

Upcoming episodes:

Death At Dyaltov

The Murders in the Rue McClanahan

Sociopath: The Soft-Butch Sous Chef Story

This Gunt For Hire

And

Murderous Fatty on the Lam

"Mary Me!" Who can have the most over-the-top reaction to any event? Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem crazy and ridiculous?

Winner gets a string of clutching pearls.

[quote] The Murders in the Rue McClanahan

Sooo many! Will this bitch ever stop???

The Nana Mouskouri Hour.

Once Around The Garden!

Lethal uses for mushrooms

"Celebrity Yard Sale" (OWN)- Hosted by Tori Spelling, each week a D-list celeb tries to sell whatever they can to keep living the Hollywood dream. Pilot episode: dozens of Eve Plumb's paintings are rained on by tropical storm Hilary. But it's actually an improvement resulting in abstract creations that rake-in $1,000s.

You’re a Whore Darlin sounds kind of good. ESP if they did it as a Survivor vote off the island thing.

[quote] Kevin shares his thoughts on football, but mostly just rants about Aaron Rodgers. Each episode ends with Kevin's slam poetry

I imagine it was true poetry, how Aaron would slam into Kevin’s thirsty hole

Battle of the Network Porn Stars

Cheryl, The Musical

Spot the Fag

Hosted by Matt Damon.

Kind of like To Tell the Truth but with closet cases.

Cagemeat!

A police procedural in which all the criminals are hot.

The Golden Gays....3 eldergays living out their golden years in Miami move in together in with the elderly but spicy father of one of them. Hilarity ensues.

Joel at 17

A Canadian water polo player develops an interest in an eccentric neighbor.

R156 beat me to it. My idea was “Fag Talk” with your totally straight host, Matt Damon!

Oh That Julie!

Her friends never know what kind of trouble she’ll cause next

R154, or Battle of the OnlyFans "Stars"

“There’s Something About MARY!” - An overenthusiastic fag with the jolliest opinions about the gayest subjects who, somehow, manages to be very endearing and attracts lots of unexpected men.

“Die in a Grease Fire” - Game show where vitriolic gays dump contestants into a flaming pit of grease over the tiniest, pettiest annoyances.

"Keeping up with the McCaffreys" - The new reality show starring Ed & (helicopter mom) Lisa McCaffrey showing the whole country how is still "possible" to raise a family of 4 boys (and 0 girls) without any of them turning out to be secretely gay.

Life on the Trans List!!. Hosted by Kathy and Dylan!!

“He he” - In-depth docudrama about Anne’s life, death, and everything in-between. Starring “Celestia” as Anne.

“Life With Lorna Luft: Me and My Molestations”

I want a morning show co-hosted by Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. Just like Regis and Kathie Lee.