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Biggest reason people stay in closet?

Why don't people come out?

by Anonymousreply 21September 17, 2023 9:04 PM

Maybe they don’t see a place for themselves with their new found identity. The stereotypes and loud queens screeching about batshit things, scares some of the best ones away.

by Anonymousreply 1September 10, 2023 11:19 PM

They read datalounge and say 'Oh no fucking way I want to associated with those idiots'

by Anonymousreply 2September 10, 2023 11:20 PM


by Anonymousreply 3September 10, 2023 11:23 PM

OP forgot the most obvious and likely reason: "Self-loathing"

by Anonymousreply 4September 10, 2023 11:39 PM

Don't want to be associated with the stereotypes / it lowers chances for promotion

by Anonymousreply 5September 11, 2023 12:21 AM

I've always said that the people afraid to come out of the closet are the ones afraid of losing something they really don't have. If you're afraid your "loving family and friends" won't accept you, you never had "loving family and friends" to begin with.

by Anonymousreply 6September 11, 2023 12:35 AM

I already hate myself for saying this but some of us are self-loathing gays who hate gay culture.

by Anonymousreply 7September 11, 2023 12:40 AM

But they imagine "gay culture" as something other than what it is R7. And deep down they must know that they have merely created a strawman.

by Anonymousreply 8September 11, 2023 4:06 AM

Decades ago they fell in love with a guy who saw through their lies and showed them a glimpse of true intimacy. They got scared, pulled away, or even attacked that man. And now that they realize they made a poor decision they want their last years to an FU to that guy so that he'll never know they loved him, they missed him, and they regret their choices every minute of every day.

by Anonymousreply 9September 11, 2023 4:13 AM


by Anonymousreply 10September 11, 2023 11:21 PM

[quote] some of us are self-loathing gays who hate gay culture.

What the hell is gay culture? A collection of stereotypes?

No gay man is obligated in any way to identify with whatever he thinks is gay culture.

by Anonymousreply 11September 12, 2023 1:32 AM

They're not thinking clearly. Be yourself is a good motto to live by.

by Anonymousreply 12September 12, 2023 1:45 AM

OP, your poll is one of the dumbest things ever posted on DL. Are you even gay?

The number one reason people stay in the closet is FEAR, a word that appears no where in your post or your poll.


by Anonymousreply 13September 12, 2023 2:16 AM

Because it's tastefully furnished.

by Anonymousreply 14September 12, 2023 2:56 AM

OP forgot the dominate reason, "Cowards who can't seem to grow a pair." Honestly, one of the best parts of coming out is taking contol and being bold enough to live your damn life. Cowards hide behind the closet for 1 million reasons.

Maybe people like Pete Buttigiege could have been president if in the closet and married to a woman, but then he would have to hide a part of himself and be miserable. Instead, he's out and made a gigantic leap from podunk mayor to Transportation Secretary. Maybe Matt Boomer could have made more of a movie career in the closet, but then he would miss out on copious loads of baby batter from his husband or years spent playing domestic god(dess) (he really is a male Blake Lively).

Maybe we lose some friends or family, but we gain ourselves. We only have one life to live so no point being a coward and bending to please people who are also primarily focused on themselves and their desires.

So OP, the main reason is that many closeted men are cowards. Exceptions to those outside of the west in dangerous areas or those under age and relient on parents.

by Anonymousreply 15September 12, 2023 4:00 AM

Despite being 2023, it is still an act of courage to come out - at work, to your family, to your community.

Think about the decades of anti-gay comments and conditioning and religious arguments most people have been brought up with. It's much less than it was 20 or more years ago, but it's still there.

Parents say anti-gay stuff without realizing it. Friends - particularly male friends - can't NOT stop joking about gays. Girls tease boys about being gay.

Plus, half of this country (or more in certain areas) are political conservatives - meaning your boss, co-workers, relatives, almost EVERYONE around you - votes for anti-gay politics.

Working in some industries in most areas of the country, it's career suicide to be openly gay. Many gay people have heard the comments about openly gay co-workers.

So - yeah - as much as we want to live in a bubble and think everyone's open, they are not. And it's really frightening to think how your life would change in a snap of a finger with almost everyone you know.

by Anonymousreply 16September 12, 2023 4:15 AM

I concur with R16. But there's also the fact that the US is currently standing upon a precipice, with Republicans plotting to take us back into the past with regards to civil rights, and it's not yet altogether clear that they will fail.

by Anonymousreply 17September 12, 2023 5:06 AM

r17 that's why coming out take courage but matters. Gay acceptance only occurred because more and more American families had gay children, nieces, cousins that came out. It's harder to hate those in your own family. People don't want to give up on their loved ones they've spent decades loving and raising.

Given the political precipice the US is in, now is more important than other to remind others that gays are the people they know.

by Anonymousreply 18September 17, 2023 6:55 PM

I think calling it cowardice is too harsh, and if that's the kind of support and understanding on offer, it doesn't add up to much. I agree, fear holds most people back and I know from experience that fear is far worse in your mind that it is in real life.

by Anonymousreply 19September 17, 2023 7:46 PM

1, 2, and 3.

A combo of those.

by Anonymousreply 20September 17, 2023 8:45 PM

I'm 66, and never officially came out to my family, although they've certainly figured it out by this point. I don't want to come out now and force people to imagine my crepe skin and sagging scrotum in the throes of homosexual ecstasy.

by Anonymousreply 21September 17, 2023 9:04 PM
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