Jessica Flethcer Here - Ask Me Anything, Bishes.

Who had the bigger cock:

A. Seth Haslett

B. Amos Tucker

Well, Seth was actually bigger, but Amos was a better lovah.

Loretta had the biggest dick and the deepest voice in Cabot Cove.

What was going on between you and Michael Haggarty?

P.S.

Both Seth and Amos were uncut too.

[quote]What was going on between you and Michael Haggarty?

Sorry, I don't recall Michael. Was he a body I found or a fuck buddy?

All I know is people die when you’re around, so I’m cuttin’ outta here…

I won't argue with that, R7.

But if it's your time to be a body, I'll find you.

I'd like to know why you can't spell your own last name.

Size meat verificatia for Grady?

Pix please?

Grady was like his uncle Frank, well-endowed but without a lot of technical skill in bed.

And what about Sheriff Mort Metzger?

[quote]And what about Sheriff Mort Metzger?

Oh Mort was a fine Sheriff, better than Amos, once he got adjusted to living in Cabot Cove.

I see you're back in Cabot Cove. Why'd you leave New York City?

Michael Hagerty.

Well, I still go to the city occasionally, but I gave up my apartment and decided to quarantine in Cabot Cove during the pandemic.

[quote]Michael Hagerty

Oh yes, Michael...what an exceptional man!

I remember him very fondly.

[quote]I see you're back in Cabot Cove. Why'd you leave New York City?

Word in the beauty shop is that after Jess found her 60 or 70th body, the New York cops starting focusing on her little to closely, and that's why she hot-footed it back to good ol' Cabot Cove.

Is it true that you sleep with Dr. Seth in exchange for prescription drugs?

^ folks at the beauty shop are saying that he not only gives Jess drugs, but he lifted her big saggy tits for her too!

Why all that talk is simply gossip - you now how small towns are.

What did Bea Arthur's pussy taste like?

[quote]What did Bea Arthur's pussy taste like?

Sort of like old sardines with a dash of old feet smell.

Oh. So better than I would've anticipated. Thanks!

Since when did you start letting that cunt Loretta do your hair?

Gladys, you know, I've always gone to you for my Brazilian waxes and my butthole bleaching.

But Loretta has always styled my hair...well, my head hair, that is.

And I just about went bankrupt waxing that shag.

Did Masterson really rape those girls?

My speciality is lobster.

I'm afraid I don't know anything about bad clams.

Which one of you couldn’t have kids: you or Frank?

Frank was "shooting blanks", according to the gals in the shop.

Well, I heard that they could have children, because Jess, Mrs. Fletcher, likes to do "butt stuff" so much.

You know, you can't get pregnant that way!

Jess, is it true that you and Eve Simpson make frozen margaritas and lick each other's cooters...

while you're pretending to view real estate listings?

Was Patty Duke really banned from appearing on your show because she stole your Oscar?

Ok...why are you so fucking nosy?

Oh dear, I suppose I sometime am too inquisitive.

That's what my dear Frank used to say anyway.

[quote]Both Seth and Amos were uncut too.

OP is a foreskin fetishist.

R37

You must have a very long list of enemies, Jess. How is that you've managed to not get murdered yourself in all this time, an if you were would you come back as a ghost to solve your own case? Would it be called a very special episode?

Were you the killer in every episode?

Did you let David Tolliver purple your prose?

Oh yes, that clever young David Tolliver was an excellent secretary...

(and a pretty darn good lovah too!)

Of course I wasn't the real murderer. All of the killers confessed, whereupon I shook my head and radiated my disappointment in them. Do you think I hypnotized them into confessing?

^ J.B. Fletcher drag queen impersonator

Was there a Lane Bryant in Cabot Cove, or did you have to drive to Portland?

But weren't the cops catching on to you, and that's why you went to Connecticut? R43?

I can neither confirm nor deny, R46.

As a professional author, shouldn’t your spelling be better?

Sometimes when you are writing, you have to just let the words flow...

I don't let the rules of standard spelling stiffle my creativity.

The murders in Cabot Cove seemed so bloodless and clean. Was it just the way of New Englanders? Thank Heaven you had no relatives involved in that dreadful Helter Skelter nonsense in Los Angeles! So un-seemly!

[quote] But weren't the cops catching on to you, and that's why you went to Connecticut?

Connecticut?

Likely story R46!

Who helped you cadge cigarettes while enjoying your prison stint, Yvonne De Carlo or Eve Plumb?

So Jessie girl, what do you think of this new Murder She Wrote movie they are planning? Who should they cast? (Assuming it's not a CGI reanimated Dame Angela.)

Jessica Flethcer?

So I went through the victims dirty clothes hamper. And I found these women's panties in there. And they had the initials J.B.F on them. And I thought "what broad has those initials". And then I saw your full name on dat book you gave me. Jessica Beatrice Fletcher. It was you, wasn't it?

Oh hello, Detective Columbo!

Yes, and I believe these dirty boxer shorts are yours.

Is it true that your TV show single-handedly changed CBS from the Tiffany network to the Geritol rest home?

Sorry J.B. - from one old dyke to another, they're mine, and YOU know how they got there..

Were there “Depends” diapers on June Allison’s nightstand?

Did handsome young men frequent Van Johnson’s hotel room?

[quote]Thank Heaven you had no relatives involved in that dreadful Helter Skelter nonsense in Los Angeles! So un-seemly! —Squeaky

Squeaky dear, how nice to hear from you after all these years - I apologize for not contacting you, but we just assumed you were still in some sort of Mental institution or womens prison.

As you know, my daughter Deidre did spend time with you and the other members of the Manson Family, and they even used my credit cards to buy food and other necessities.

Of course, when we found out, we moved Deidre to Ireland and away from these distractions.

Unlike Jessica, we have absolutely no real life experience with murder, and neither I, nor Deidre, know anything about those terrible Manson Family murders.

[quote]Did handsome young men frequent Van Johnson’s hotel room?

Oh yes, Van was such a dear man and a wonderful mentor so many handsome young men!

I remember that his trailer looked like some sort of locker room with all those half-naked men wandering around. And that scamp Van was often completely nude himself...you know, just to make the young men less self-conscious and more comfortable.

Van never seem to tire of working with those gorgeous young men.

But I did have to warn Van not to over-exert himself in his athletic endeavors with those handsome young men...

Poor Van, he sometimes strained himself and found it difficult to walk or even to sit.

"Murder, She Wrote" had a lot of great guest stars:

Academy Award winners Martin Balsam, Ernest Borgnine, Kim Hunter, Mickey Rooney, Eli Wallach, and others.

Future Oscar winners George Clooney, James Coburn, and Martin Landau.

TV stars Rue McClanahan, Jessica Walter, Robert Stack, Tom Selleck, Jerry Stiller, Megan Mullally, and others.

Young actors Joaquin Phoenix, Caitlyn Jenner, Linda Hamilton, Bryan Cranston, Courteney Cox, Neil Patrick Harris, and others.

^ Wow, Jess was a one-woman "Love Boat", employing all these Hollywood actors.

What am I, chopped liver?

You're a nobody, Shirley.

You almost were Shirley in the episode "Shear Madness".

I won a fucking Oscar for playing a whore, bitches. Worship me!

[quote]I won a fucking Oscar for playing a whore, bitches. Worship me!

I don't know her.

Who’s gonna watch the rebooooot? After the strike of course.

^ I'll watch it...as long as they don't cast someone like Lens Dunham to play Jessica...

An old drag queen with bad makeup and saggy tits would be the PERFECT J.B Fletcher.

^ Eve Simpson, jealousy is really unattractive...especially at YOUR age...you fat old tramp!

Hey Jess,

Were you able to treat that stubborn STI you got from fucking all of those Carribean black men at that resort where you went "undercover"?

Was your father a Commie? Asking for a DL poster.

My father was actually an Irish man named MacGill, whose family hailed from Kilcleer, County Cork, Ireland. I had two sisters and two brothers, Martin and Marshall.

Frank and I met at Harrison College in Green Falls, New Hampshire, where I was studying to become a journalist.

Frank was a Sigma Nu, and I was member of Delta Alpha Chi sorority.

R75 I would have, if you had given me actual antibiotics. And not a jar of sulfa pills that had been sitting in your office since Taft was president. You horse and buggy hack.

[quote] Wow, Jess was a one-woman "Love Boat", employing all these Hollywood actors.

Jess was all ballast with a well-swabbed poop deck.

William Windom was sultry.

Jess, do you shave your cooch?

Did you own slaves back in the day?

“Cabot Cover” sounds like combination of wall primer and full cover skin foundation.

I like to think that we're all Cabot Covers at heart.

Young(ish) William Windom was sexy. Not exactly handsome... but sexy.

Well, I do declare, that young Mr. Windom certainly had a firm drip on his long, hard pistol.

More Windom

[quote]Well, I do declare, that young Mr. Windom certainly had a firm drip on his long, hard pistol.

Oh yes, Seth had the firmest and perkiest buttocks I've ever come across....

and I've come across quite a few things too!

^^^ biggest ho in Maine

Have you ever been with a Black man?

Do you have your typewriter there under the hairdryer, tapping out a new chapter while you finish that third martini?

R90 - Honey, please, there weren't any people of color in Cabot Cove, ME. And certainly not sexualized ones. Why do you think the show was so popular with the olds?

Was Eve Simpson conducting a torrid affair with Ideal Molloy at Hill House during lunch hour?

^ Yes, but that was only until Eve got the listing on Ideal's big ol' house...

Eve may swing both ways but she really loves the dick

Jess,

Do you prefer Anilingus or Cunnilingus?

[quote]Do you prefer Anilingus or Cunnilingus?

Mrs. F. likes it all.

She's surprisingly versatile and experimental. That's why my trannie wife Adelle and I enjoy her so much.

"Corrine, take Mrs. F. in the back and give her the full Brazilian and an anal bleaching."

"Wow, all that..you must have some interesting plans, Mrs. Fletcher."

Are you jealous that no one tried to turn this into a Trump thread yet?

The best episode was "Town Father" wherein confirmed bachelor Sam Booth, the flamboyant mayor, was accused of fathering four children in Wyoming out of wedlock. Seth commented that he was like a character out of a Jacqueline Susann novel.

A more appropriate comment would have been if Seth had said the mayor ACTED like Jacqueline Susann...

Jess,

Could you share your receipe for Clam Chowda...you know, the one with the barbiturates...the one you served to Amos Tupper's family.

You remember, Jess, that time his brother-in-law died at your dining room table.

Is it true you secretly like big black cock?

Well, as my friend Mamie Sue says, "Once you’ve had carnal relations with a gentleman of African descent, it’s very unusual to go back."

How did you cope with DEATH all around you, day in day out? Did you see a grief counselor?

[quote]How did you cope with DEATH all around you, day in day out? Did you see a grief counselor?

I did see one when I was in Miami.

Her name was Rose Nylund, and she was very nice.

But she semmed...oh, I don't know exactly how to say it...well, she seemed "limited".

Jessica, be honest now...were you ever tempted to fuck Andrew Stevens...or did he completely skeeve you out?

R106, please see my earlier reply on this topic at R42.

Thank you for being a fan, and look for my new book "The Corpse Twerked at Midnight"**.

** My publisher is trying to make my books "more relatable' to young readers.

What do you think of the buff new fitness instructor?

[quote]What do you think of the buff new fitness instructor?—Sally Struthers' headband

Oh yes, he's very attractive and his gym has become very popular here in Cabot Cove.

But given how heavy your wife is, I must wonder if his fitness programs are effective.

Did you have a mammy?

[quote]Did you have a mammy?

No, I didn't have a mammy.

But as you may know, my late husband Frank and I met at Harrison College in Green Falls, New Hampshire, whre I was a Delta Alpha Chi.

My dear friend and sorority sister Emily Dyers (who bore an uncanny resemblance to Dinah Shore) grew up in a wealthy Southern family, and she often spoke fondly of her dear Mammy.

(In fact Emily/Dinah was always singing about "her mammy", much to our consternation.)

Are you and fellow member of the literary intelligentsia, Barbara Thorndyke still close. I believe she dedicated Scarlett Dawn at Boca Raton to you.

Is it true that the B. in your name is in honor of that battleaxe Beatrice Arthur?

[quote]Are you and fellow member of the literary intelligentsia, Barbara Thorndyke still close.

Oh yes, Barbara Thorndyke.

While Barbara did introduce me to the joys of Sapphic love after Frank died, I ultimately found Barbara to be pretentions, and a little racist to be honest.

But I have enjoyed her books.

[quote]Is it true that the B. in your name is in honor of that battleaxe Beatrice Arthur?

Although my middle name is "Beatrice", I was named for an aunt.

But I did know Miss Arthur and had the greatest respect for her.

How many pairs of mom jeans and gold clip on earrings did you own, Jess?

[quote]How many pairs of mom jeans and gold clip on earrings did you own, Jess?

I do have quite a collection of both, R116; good observation.

But I probably also have as many blouses with shoulder pads as I have jeans and gold earrings.

My name is AMOS TUPPAH

Were you a little humiliated when they made you wear jeans that really showed off your gunt and made you try to pick up younger guys in the bar?

How many false flags do you follow in Cabot Cove each year?

Do the number of overdoses from fentanyl exceed the number of food poisonings from bad lobster rolls?

Has anyone been poisoned with a fentanyl-laced lobster roll?

JB - given the # of murders you 'solved' - is it possible you were complicit in most of them? Did you feel ridding Cabot Cove of undesirables was your cause?

Have you ever had an abortion?