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After Sex, what do you say to your partner?

I kiss and cuddle and say thank you.

by Anonymousreply 209September 25, 2023 8:14 PM


by Anonymousreply 1September 8, 2023 1:20 PM

I conk myself on the noggin and cry “I could’ve had a V8!”

by Anonymousreply 2September 8, 2023 1:21 PM

Thanks. That was fun!

by Anonymousreply 3September 8, 2023 1:21 PM

Worst sex EVER!

by Anonymousreply 4September 8, 2023 1:22 PM

Cash only.

by Anonymousreply 5September 8, 2023 1:22 PM

Do you want to grab a shower before you go?

by Anonymousreply 6September 8, 2023 1:22 PM

Your money's on the dresser, Chocolate.

by Anonymousreply 7September 8, 2023 1:23 PM

I put on my Peggy Lee wig and sing "Is that all there is?"

by Anonymousreply 8September 8, 2023 1:24 PM

What -- are those...pimples...on your dick?

by Anonymousreply 9September 8, 2023 1:24 PM

You made love to me on Christmas Day. Now I'm pregnant and I want money!

by Anonymousreply 10September 8, 2023 1:26 PM

Sorry bro, gotta run. The wife wants to go out for dinner.

by Anonymousreply 11September 8, 2023 1:26 PM

You can leave, now!

by Anonymousreply 12September 8, 2023 1:26 PM

I lost my condom while I was fucking you. Ooops.

by Anonymousreply 13September 8, 2023 1:27 PM

Sorry, forgot to tell you I have crabs.

by Anonymousreply 14September 8, 2023 1:28 PM

I wonder what you taste like, with a nice Chianti and some fava beans.

by Anonymousreply 15September 8, 2023 1:29 PM

Your son was a better fuck than you.

by Anonymousreply 16September 8, 2023 1:32 PM

I have sufficient.

by Anonymousreply 17September 8, 2023 1:32 PM

Leave the money on the dresser.

by Anonymousreply 18September 8, 2023 1:37 PM

You speak to them?

by Anonymousreply 19September 8, 2023 1:38 PM

Don't shit on my sheets! Damnit!!!

by Anonymousreply 20September 8, 2023 1:40 PM

OK, boomer!

by Anonymousreply 21September 8, 2023 1:42 PM

You were my first.

by Anonymousreply 22September 8, 2023 1:42 PM

Depends on if I’m the Dom or sub. Sometimes it’s “your a great piece of ass, now go to the kitchen and make me a turkey sandwich.” Others times it’s “I love being your fkin whore. I do anything my daddy tells me to”.

by Anonymousreply 23September 8, 2023 1:43 PM

Right BEFORE sex guys will often look at my cock and say-




by Anonymousreply 24September 8, 2023 1:44 PM

Can you break a hundred dollar bill?

by Anonymousreply 25September 8, 2023 1:44 PM

" Now that you've turned 14,I think I can find a part for you in my next film."

by Anonymousreply 26September 8, 2023 1:45 PM

You can go now.

by Anonymousreply 27September 8, 2023 1:46 PM

Nobody says I love you?

by Anonymousreply 28September 8, 2023 1:46 PM

Are you still here?

by Anonymousreply 29September 8, 2023 1:47 PM

That was exquisite, sweetums! I can't wait to take you home to Mother!

by Anonymousreply 30September 8, 2023 1:48 PM

I don't have sex anymore but one time I got: "Can I have some of your weed for the road?"

by Anonymousreply 31September 8, 2023 1:49 PM

I should've killed myself when he put it in me. After the first time, before we were married, Ralph promised never again. He promised, and I believed him. But sin never dies. Sin never dies. At first, it was all right. We lived sinlessly. We slept in the same bed, but we never did it. And then, that night, I saw him looking down at me that way. We got down on our knees to pray for strength. I smelled the whiskey on his breath. Then he took me. He took me, with the stink of filthy roadhouse whiskey on his breath, and I liked it. I liked it! With all that dirty touching of his hands all over me.

by Anonymousreply 32September 8, 2023 1:50 PM

I can get you on The Apprentice..

by Anonymousreply 33September 8, 2023 1:55 PM

I text a photo of something special I’d like.

by Anonymousreply 34September 8, 2023 2:00 PM

"Man, you were incredible last night: you can really take it. I always said six was my lucky number but I don't get to say it very often."

by Anonymousreply 35September 8, 2023 2:19 PM

Thanks, Dad. Please don't tell Mom.

by Anonymousreply 36September 8, 2023 2:19 PM

Next time, take your teeth out.

by Anonymousreply 37September 8, 2023 2:28 PM

Don't worry that itchy burning sensation will quiet down in a month or so.

by Anonymousreply 38September 8, 2023 2:31 PM

I’d have let you cum inside, but I don’t have room for another passenger.

by Anonymousreply 39September 8, 2023 2:32 PM


by Anonymousreply 40September 8, 2023 3:00 PM

I sing "Never Been To Me".

by Anonymousreply 41September 8, 2023 3:21 PM

Did you preheat the oven?

by Anonymousreply 42September 8, 2023 3:28 PM

Where's my sandwich?

by Anonymousreply 43September 8, 2023 3:37 PM

"If you say a word to anyone about this, I'll kill you."

by Anonymousreply 44September 8, 2023 3:38 PM

My pussy stinks!

by Anonymousreply 45September 8, 2023 3:40 PM

You can show yourself out.

by Anonymousreply 46September 8, 2023 4:14 PM

That was fun. Now go back to your own room - I want to be alone!

by Anonymousreply 47September 8, 2023 4:22 PM

R32 I can see your dirty pillows!

by Anonymousreply 48September 8, 2023 4:28 PM

R40- Are you a WHORE darlin?

by Anonymousreply 49September 8, 2023 4:28 PM

Your ass is leaking. Try not to drip on the carpet on your way out.

by Anonymousreply 50September 8, 2023 4:39 PM

If you've just been fucked by your writing teacher George Saunders, you might want to discuss his work, but he's out the door to his wife.

by Anonymousreply 51September 8, 2023 4:40 PM

Would you untie me? My legs hurt.

by Anonymousreply 52September 8, 2023 4:40 PM

Not much until he takes the hood off.

by Anonymousreply 53September 8, 2023 4:41 PM

Is it in?

by Anonymousreply 54September 8, 2023 4:42 PM

George also really likes blowjobs in his office.

by Anonymousreply 55September 8, 2023 4:45 PM


by Anonymousreply 56September 8, 2023 4:50 PM

I lost my wedding ring while fist fucking you.

by Anonymousreply 57September 8, 2023 4:51 PM

The dental floss is in on the bottom shelf in the medicine cabinet.

by Anonymousreply 58September 8, 2023 4:57 PM

I was molested.

by Anonymousreply 59September 8, 2023 4:59 PM

Don’t let the door hit you in the ass…

as if

I say that was nice, thank you.

by Anonymousreply 60September 8, 2023 5:06 PM

Now get the fuck out!

by Anonymousreply 61September 8, 2023 5:06 PM

Enjoy AIDS!

by Anonymousreply 62September 8, 2023 6:21 PM

Not related but above the joke was crabs. One night i crashed in bed with one of my besties. He had crabs but was afraid to admit it so he let me sleep in his crab laced bed. I got them & had to do the RIT thing. He finally let me know it was his whore ass that gave them to me. I was majorly pissed - now we laugh about it.

by Anonymousreply 63September 8, 2023 6:33 PM

Deutsche marks or Dollars? American Express will do nicely, thank you!

by Anonymousreply 64September 8, 2023 6:36 PM

What partner? For tricks, here is my email. For regulars, see you next time.

by Anonymousreply 65September 8, 2023 6:37 PM

For a fat man, you don't sweat very much.

by Anonymousreply 66September 8, 2023 8:56 PM


I don’t mean that about your post, OP. That’s what I say after sex.

by Anonymousreply 67September 8, 2023 9:27 PM

I always told him how much I loved him and how good me made me feel.

If life transcends death,

Then I will seek for you there.

If not, then there too.

by Anonymousreply 68September 8, 2023 9:30 PM

Are you still bleeding?

by Anonymousreply 69September 8, 2023 9:31 PM

If you tell anyone at school, i'll beat your ass.

by Anonymousreply 70September 8, 2023 9:37 PM

"Years from now when you talk about this - and you will - be kind."

by Anonymousreply 71September 8, 2023 9:44 PM


by Anonymousreply 72September 8, 2023 9:45 PM

"I can't stop thinking about Tony, wondering where he could be, who he is with, what is he thinking, is he thinking of me, and whether he'll ever return someday."

by Anonymousreply 73September 8, 2023 9:50 PM

Now I must kill you.

by Anonymousreply 74September 8, 2023 11:37 PM

Leave the money on the dresser

by Anonymousreply 75September 8, 2023 11:38 PM

I don’t talk to my hand, do you think I’m mentally ill?

by Anonymousreply 76September 8, 2023 11:38 PM

You were a great bottom, Senator Graham

by Anonymousreply 77September 8, 2023 11:39 PM

Get away from me you dirty motherfucker!

by Anonymousreply 78September 8, 2023 11:44 PM

Now just sign this NDA and you can be on your way.

by Anonymousreply 79September 8, 2023 11:50 PM

Do you take venmo?

by Anonymousreply 80September 8, 2023 11:57 PM

I'm sorry my lil' ladybugs offput you so and we were unable to cojoin this evening. Mayhaps another time we can arrange an assignation. I promise the room shall be darker than it was tonight.

by Anonymousreply 81September 9, 2023 1:38 AM

Don't bother calling the cops. They won't believe you.

by Anonymousreply 82September 9, 2023 1:42 AM

Leave! NOW!

by Anonymousreply 83September 9, 2023 1:44 AM

You shot your mouth off, and I showed you what that hole is for.

by Anonymousreply 84September 9, 2023 1:45 AM

“I know we just met but I have a really good feeling about you. What would you think about moving in together?”

by Anonymousreply 85September 9, 2023 1:46 AM

You’re not gonna shit right for about a week, but no need to see a doctor. It’ll pass.

by Anonymousreply 86September 9, 2023 1:46 AM

Where do you keep the turkey meatballs?

by Anonymousreply 87September 9, 2023 1:53 AM

This place is too small for the both of us.

I know a fabulous realtor…

by Anonymousreply 88September 9, 2023 2:19 AM

Go - and never darken my towels again!

by Anonymousreply 89September 9, 2023 2:23 AM

"I'm not running a Bed & Breakfast!"

by Anonymousreply 90September 9, 2023 2:25 AM

I say “fart and let me see you push it out.” And then I lap it up.

by Anonymousreply 91September 9, 2023 2:27 AM

Stay the Night...

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 92September 9, 2023 2:42 AM

Don't talk about me behind my back or it will kill me.

by Anonymousreply 93September 9, 2023 2:44 AM

I’m sorry, my dick is so large. I hope the bleeding stops soon.

by Anonymousreply 94September 9, 2023 2:45 AM

And now…a warning.

by Anonymousreply 95September 9, 2023 2:55 AM

[quote]“I know we just met but I have a really good feeling about you. What would you think about moving in together?”

Lesbian talk.

by Anonymousreply 96September 9, 2023 3:04 AM

Sorry I have crab and herpes

by Anonymousreply 97September 9, 2023 3:20 AM

"Please reverse the charges. Love you!" [Click.]

by Anonymousreply 98September 9, 2023 3:26 AM

I'm going to be sore tomorrow.

by Anonymousreply 99September 9, 2023 3:30 AM

I’m not Willie Nelson.

by Anonymousreply 100September 9, 2023 3:45 AM

Thank you.... whoever you are.

by Anonymousreply 101September 9, 2023 3:47 AM

Oh shit, what’s your name again?

by Anonymousreply 102September 9, 2023 3:50 AM

Would you put another token in the projector? I want to finish the movie.

by Anonymousreply 103September 9, 2023 4:00 AM

"Have you ever thought about the advantages of owning a really fine set of encyclopedias?"

by Anonymousreply 104September 9, 2023 4:00 AM

Let's go again!

by Anonymousreply 105September 9, 2023 4:08 AM

In the water I'm a very skinny lady.

by Anonymousreply 106September 9, 2023 4:14 AM

That'll do, pig.

by Anonymousreply 107September 9, 2023 12:12 PM

"Your wicked temptation will not go unpunished"

by Anonymousreply 108September 9, 2023 12:27 PM

“You’re money’s on the dresser, Chocolate.”

by Anonymousreply 109September 9, 2023 12:32 PM

We usually just cuddle. My lover usually sings a great song, I can't remember the name, but it's something like daaa, daannny booon, danny, danny boon.

by Anonymousreply 110September 9, 2023 12:32 PM

And after he says "thank you," I remind to take care as he makes his way to the exit.

by Anonymousreply 111September 9, 2023 12:35 PM

After my gentleman caller climaxes following the first round, I tell him “let us have a couple more drinkypoos, then we go again”.

by Anonymousreply 112September 9, 2023 1:09 PM

Dat’s da suck job!

by Anonymousreply 113September 9, 2023 1:45 PM

"I didn't get your name.."

by Anonymousreply 114September 9, 2023 1:49 PM

Oh, Pizza Boy! Don't forget to leave my delivery on your way out.

by Anonymousreply 115September 9, 2023 2:13 PM

"Sir, this is a Wendy's."

by Anonymousreply 116September 9, 2023 2:38 PM

I have a Groupon.

by Anonymousreply 117September 9, 2023 2:39 PM

"Say "Hi" to your mom."

by Anonymousreply 118September 9, 2023 2:40 PM

What time does mom get home?

by Anonymousreply 119September 9, 2023 2:54 PM

Best one minute ever

by Anonymousreply 120September 9, 2023 2:59 PM

That was like pulling it out in a warm room.

by Anonymousreply 121September 9, 2023 3:08 PM

“And what did that do for the morale of our boys overseas”

by Anonymousreply 122September 9, 2023 3:14 PM

Oh, all right. Seven's always been my lucky number!

by Anonymousreply 123September 9, 2023 3:42 PM

"You men are all alike. Seven or eight quick ones and you're off with the boys to boast and brag."

by Anonymousreply 124September 9, 2023 3:53 PM

Do you validate parking?

by Anonymousreply 125September 9, 2023 4:51 PM

I usually pat him on the side of his thigh, up near his ass and say, "Goood girl! Goood girl!"

by Anonymousreply 126September 9, 2023 5:42 PM

Don't push that out. I want you to keep that deep inside you until it's completely absorbed.

by Anonymousreply 127September 9, 2023 5:59 PM

"Can you F&F R116 on the way out for recycling that reddit joke again for the 5000th time?"

by Anonymousreply 128September 9, 2023 6:46 PM

r128 doesn't get the nature of running jokes.

by Anonymousreply 129September 9, 2023 6:59 PM

In the water I'm a very skinny lady.

by Anonymousreply 130September 9, 2023 7:11 PM

“I’m taking a shower. Try not to steal any of my shit.”

by Anonymousreply 131September 9, 2023 7:17 PM

It's not a wig, it's a system, and yes, I should have told you beforehand.

by Anonymousreply 132September 9, 2023 7:18 PM


by Anonymousreply 133September 9, 2023 7:20 PM

You don’ gots the AIDS, do you?”

by Anonymousreply 134September 9, 2023 7:28 PM

Could you tell that I used to be a woman?

by Anonymousreply 135September 9, 2023 7:41 PM

"I had no idea that any mere physical experience could be so stimulating!"

by Anonymousreply 136September 9, 2023 7:44 PM

Well faggot, I'm pretty sure you're pregnant now.

by Anonymousreply 137September 9, 2023 7:46 PM

Git off me Pa, yer crushing my smokes.

by Anonymousreply 138September 9, 2023 7:47 PM

What’s your name?

by Anonymousreply 139September 9, 2023 7:52 PM

[quote]doesn't get the nature of running jokes.

It's overused.

by Anonymousreply 140September 9, 2023 7:55 PM

What's your name again?


He didn't tell you in the first place!

by Anonymousreply 141September 9, 2023 8:09 PM


by Anonymousreply 142September 9, 2023 8:20 PM

Good job.

by Anonymousreply 143September 9, 2023 8:26 PM

Me suckie suckie long time Mitchie. You go bed now.

by Anonymousreply 144September 9, 2023 8:52 PM

That will cost you $50 fat old man.

by Anonymousreply 145September 9, 2023 9:11 PM

This isn't a bed and breakfast.

by Anonymousreply 146September 9, 2023 9:49 PM

Pull my finger.

by Anonymousreply 147September 9, 2023 9:49 PM

Need a towel to clean your face?

by Anonymousreply 148September 9, 2023 9:50 PM

Pull your caftan down Antonio. I finished.

by Anonymousreply 149September 9, 2023 9:58 PM

What's that smell?

by Anonymousreply 150September 9, 2023 11:25 PM

I might be allergic to your seeing eye dog.

by Anonymousreply 151September 9, 2023 11:31 PM

Spearmint or fruit?

by Anonymousreply 152September 10, 2023 5:05 AM

Would you like a free personality test?

by Anonymousreply 153September 10, 2023 7:02 PM

You have the nicest dick I’ve ever been with. You are so hot. I’m gonna make you cum again.

by Anonymousreply 154September 10, 2023 7:09 PM

Be a lamb and don’t cash the check until next month.

by Anonymousreply 155September 11, 2023 11:16 AM

Who loves ya baby?

by Anonymousreply 156September 11, 2023 3:11 PM

Now get in there and make me some potato salad!

by Anonymousreply 157September 11, 2023 3:31 PM

Tinker Bell Ladybug, good rim & bj; now get over here & I’ll slap your nasty, ugly face a few more times. You love that, don’t you?

by Anonymousreply 158September 11, 2023 3:48 PM

Well, I never in all my life!

by Anonymousreply 159September 12, 2023 12:07 AM

I’m really a men

by Anonymousreply 160September 18, 2023 10:02 PM

Do you want to shower first, or shall I?

by Anonymousreply 161September 18, 2023 10:11 PM

The best line I've ever read was in an article about men who hire prostitutes.

"I don't pay people to have sex with me. I pay them so they'll leave afterwards."

by Anonymousreply 162September 18, 2023 11:15 PM

Keep the tip.

by Anonymousreply 163September 19, 2023 2:07 AM

R162 that’s scarily accurate lol.

by Anonymousreply 164September 19, 2023 2:53 AM

Welcome to the world of HIV!

by Anonymousreply 165September 19, 2023 2:59 AM

I ask for cab fare.

by Anonymousreply 166September 19, 2023 3:12 AM

Don't let the door hit ya on the way out.

by Anonymousreply 167September 19, 2023 3:42 AM

Move it along, toots!

by Anonymousreply 168September 19, 2023 10:52 PM

I want sexy talk suggestions please

by Anonymousreply 169September 19, 2023 11:28 PM

Can I also eat your boogers?

by Anonymousreply 170September 20, 2023 12:21 AM

Just smoke copious amounts of pot, silly.

by Anonymousreply 171September 20, 2023 4:02 AM

"Wow. In that robe you look like Vincent "The Chin" Gigante!"

by Anonymousreply 172September 20, 2023 4:18 AM

“Let us pray.”

by Anonymousreply 173September 20, 2023 7:43 AM

"Don't quit your day job."

by Anonymousreply 174September 20, 2023 2:50 PM

Best one minute I ever have

by Anonymousreply 175September 21, 2023 11:06 PM

I warned you.

by Anonymousreply 176September 21, 2023 11:12 PM

You got blood on my dick.

by Anonymousreply 177September 21, 2023 11:14 PM

That's sixty-five extra for the snowball, gummy.

by Anonymousreply 178September 21, 2023 11:17 PM

What was your name, again?

by Anonymousreply 179September 21, 2023 11:18 PM

Never mind, I don’t care.

by Anonymousreply 180September 21, 2023 11:19 PM


by Anonymousreply 181September 21, 2023 11:27 PM

Now go to bed! I’ve got to be at work early in the morning!

by Anonymousreply 182September 21, 2023 11:30 PM

Should I call you an Uber ?

by Anonymousreply 183September 21, 2023 11:34 PM

Mitchie, I suckie suckie your thingy ten minutes. You owe me 20 dollar.

by Anonymousreply 184September 22, 2023 12:43 AM


by Anonymousreply 185September 22, 2023 12:47 AM

I hate myself for loving you.

by Anonymousreply 186September 22, 2023 11:40 AM

Get in there and start cookin’

by Anonymousreply 187September 24, 2023 8:00 PM

R178 what is a Snowball Gummy?

by Anonymousreply 188September 24, 2023 8:03 PM

Why do I suddenly want a chili dog?

by Anonymousreply 189September 24, 2023 8:38 PM

Put the cash in the dresser

Don’t let the screen door hit…

by Anonymousreply 190September 24, 2023 8:40 PM

Well, at least we tried.

by Anonymousreply 191September 24, 2023 9:02 PM

We'll always have Cleveland ...

by Anonymousreply 192September 24, 2023 9:13 PM

Chew your corn.

by Anonymousreply 193September 24, 2023 10:27 PM

I'm gonna log off now.

by Anonymousreply 194September 24, 2023 10:41 PM

Get lost!

Like Maude to Archie when he told her to get out of his chair.

by Anonymousreply 195September 25, 2023 4:40 AM

What just happened

by Anonymousreply 196September 25, 2023 4:56 AM



by Anonymousreply 197September 25, 2023 5:29 AM

So… what’s your name?

by Anonymousreply 198September 25, 2023 5:45 AM

Sorry - I just saw that R179 beat me to the joke.

This is why you should ALWAYS read the entire thread before posting.

by Anonymousreply 199September 25, 2023 5:46 AM

What does a man who is in complete ecstasy and 100% sexually satiated say after sex?

I didn't think any of you knew...

by Anonymousreply 200September 25, 2023 8:39 AM

Generally, "Thank you, menluvinguy!"

by Anonymousreply 201September 25, 2023 8:40 AM

I'll never regain control of those sphincters again...

by Anonymousreply 202September 25, 2023 8:55 AM

I’m usually left speechless.

by Anonymousreply 203September 25, 2023 9:58 AM

“Sorry about the shit stain”.

by Anonymousreply 204September 25, 2023 9:59 AM

God this thread is truly disgusting and I can’t stop laughing.

by Anonymousreply 205September 25, 2023 2:04 PM

You can put your legs down now.

by Anonymousreply 206September 25, 2023 3:55 PM

Stop crying.

by Anonymousreply 207September 25, 2023 7:58 PM

"Thanks, would you like to cum, too?"

by Anonymousreply 208September 25, 2023 8:12 PM

“What was your name again?”

by Anonymousreply 209September 25, 2023 8:14 PM
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