After Sex, what do you say to your partner?

Venmo?

I conk myself on the noggin and cry “I could’ve had a V8!”

Thanks. That was fun!

Worst sex EVER!

Cash only.

Do you want to grab a shower before you go?

Your money's on the dresser, Chocolate.

I put on my Peggy Lee wig and sing "Is that all there is?"

What -- are those...pimples...on your dick?

You made love to me on Christmas Day. Now I'm pregnant and I want money!

Sorry bro, gotta run. The wife wants to go out for dinner.

You can leave, now!

I lost my condom while I was fucking you. Ooops.

Sorry, forgot to tell you I have crabs.

I wonder what you taste like, with a nice Chianti and some fava beans.

Your son was a better fuck than you.

I have sufficient.

Leave the money on the dresser.

You speak to them?

Don't shit on my sheets! Damnit!!!

OK, boomer!

You were my first.

Depends on if I’m the Dom or sub. Sometimes it’s “your a great piece of ass, now go to the kitchen and make me a turkey sandwich.” Others times it’s “I love being your fkin whore. I do anything my daddy tells me to”.

Right BEFORE sex guys will often look at my cock and say-

WOW

or

it's BEAUTIFUL

Can you break a hundred dollar bill?

" Now that you've turned 14,I think I can find a part for you in my next film."

You can go now.

Nobody says I love you?

Are you still here?

That was exquisite, sweetums! I can't wait to take you home to Mother!

I don't have sex anymore but one time I got: "Can I have some of your weed for the road?"

I should've killed myself when he put it in me. After the first time, before we were married, Ralph promised never again. He promised, and I believed him. But sin never dies. Sin never dies. At first, it was all right. We lived sinlessly. We slept in the same bed, but we never did it. And then, that night, I saw him looking down at me that way. We got down on our knees to pray for strength. I smelled the whiskey on his breath. Then he took me. He took me, with the stink of filthy roadhouse whiskey on his breath, and I liked it. I liked it! With all that dirty touching of his hands all over me.

I can get you on The Apprentice..

I text a photo of something special I’d like.

"Man, you were incredible last night: you can really take it. I always said six was my lucky number but I don't get to say it very often."

Thanks, Dad. Please don't tell Mom.

Next time, take your teeth out.

Don't worry that itchy burning sensation will quiet down in a month or so.

I’d have let you cum inside, but I don’t have room for another passenger.

NEXT!

I sing "Never Been To Me".

Did you preheat the oven?

Where's my sandwich?

"If you say a word to anyone about this, I'll kill you."

My pussy stinks!

You can show yourself out.

That was fun. Now go back to your own room - I want to be alone!

R32 I can see your dirty pillows!

R40- Are you a WHORE darlin?

Your ass is leaking. Try not to drip on the carpet on your way out.

If you've just been fucked by your writing teacher George Saunders, you might want to discuss his work, but he's out the door to his wife.

Would you untie me? My legs hurt.

Not much until he takes the hood off.

Is it in?

George also really likes blowjobs in his office.

Fag!!

I lost my wedding ring while fist fucking you.

The dental floss is in on the bottom shelf in the medicine cabinet.

I was molested.

Don’t let the door hit you in the ass…

as if

I say that was nice, thank you.

Now get the fuck out!

Enjoy AIDS!

Not related but above the joke was crabs. One night i crashed in bed with one of my besties. He had crabs but was afraid to admit it so he let me sleep in his crab laced bed. I got them & had to do the RIT thing. He finally let me know it was his whore ass that gave them to me. I was majorly pissed - now we laugh about it.

Deutsche marks or Dollars? American Express will do nicely, thank you!

What partner? For tricks, here is my email. For regulars, see you next time.

For a fat man, you don't sweat very much.

0/10

I don’t mean that about your post, OP. That’s what I say after sex.

I always told him how much I loved him and how good me made me feel.

If life transcends death,

Then I will seek for you there.

If not, then there too.

Are you still bleeding?

If you tell anyone at school, i'll beat your ass.

"Years from now when you talk about this - and you will - be kind."

NEXT!!!

"I can't stop thinking about Tony, wondering where he could be, who he is with, what is he thinking, is he thinking of me, and whether he'll ever return someday."

Now I must kill you.

Leave the money on the dresser

I don’t talk to my hand, do you think I’m mentally ill?

You were a great bottom, Senator Graham

Get away from me you dirty motherfucker!

Now just sign this NDA and you can be on your way.

Do you take venmo?

I'm sorry my lil' ladybugs offput you so and we were unable to cojoin this evening. Mayhaps another time we can arrange an assignation. I promise the room shall be darker than it was tonight.

Don't bother calling the cops. They won't believe you.

Leave! NOW!

You shot your mouth off, and I showed you what that hole is for.

“I know we just met but I have a really good feeling about you. What would you think about moving in together?”

You’re not gonna shit right for about a week, but no need to see a doctor. It’ll pass.

Where do you keep the turkey meatballs?

This place is too small for the both of us.

I know a fabulous realtor…

Go - and never darken my towels again!

"I'm not running a Bed & Breakfast!"

I say “fart and let me see you push it out.” And then I lap it up.

Stay the Night...

Don't talk about me behind my back or it will kill me.

I’m sorry, my dick is so large. I hope the bleeding stops soon.

And now…a warning.

[quote]“I know we just met but I have a really good feeling about you. What would you think about moving in together?”

Lesbian talk.

Sorry I have crab and herpes

"Please reverse the charges. Love you!" [Click.]

I'm going to be sore tomorrow.

I’m not Willie Nelson.

Thank you.... whoever you are.

Oh shit, what’s your name again?

Would you put another token in the projector? I want to finish the movie.

"Have you ever thought about the advantages of owning a really fine set of encyclopedias?"

Let's go again!

In the water I'm a very skinny lady.

That'll do, pig.

"Your wicked temptation will not go unpunished"

“You’re money’s on the dresser, Chocolate.”

We usually just cuddle. My lover usually sings a great song, I can't remember the name, but it's something like daaa, daannny booon, danny, danny boon.

And after he says "thank you," I remind to take care as he makes his way to the exit.

After my gentleman caller climaxes following the first round, I tell him “let us have a couple more drinkypoos, then we go again”.

Dat’s da suck job!

"I didn't get your name.."

Oh, Pizza Boy! Don't forget to leave my delivery on your way out.

"Sir, this is a Wendy's."

I have a Groupon.

"Say "Hi" to your mom."

What time does mom get home?

Best one minute ever

That was like pulling it out in a warm room.

“And what did that do for the morale of our boys overseas”

Oh, all right. Seven's always been my lucky number!

"You men are all alike. Seven or eight quick ones and you're off with the boys to boast and brag."

Do you validate parking?

I usually pat him on the side of his thigh, up near his ass and say, "Goood girl! Goood girl!"

Don't push that out. I want you to keep that deep inside you until it's completely absorbed.

"Can you F&F R116 on the way out for recycling that reddit joke again for the 5000th time?"

r128 doesn't get the nature of running jokes.

In the water I'm a very skinny lady.

“I’m taking a shower. Try not to steal any of my shit.”

It's not a wig, it's a system, and yes, I should have told you beforehand.

Next!

You don’ gots the AIDS, do you?”

Could you tell that I used to be a woman?

"I had no idea that any mere physical experience could be so stimulating!"

Well faggot, I'm pretty sure you're pregnant now.

Git off me Pa, yer crushing my smokes.

What’s your name?

[quote]doesn't get the nature of running jokes.

It's overused.

What's your name again?

Again?

He didn't tell you in the first place!

Cigarette?

Good job.

Me suckie suckie long time Mitchie. You go bed now.

That will cost you $50 fat old man.

This isn't a bed and breakfast.

Pull my finger.

Need a towel to clean your face?

Pull your caftan down Antonio. I finished.

What's that smell?

I might be allergic to your seeing eye dog.

Spearmint or fruit?

Would you like a free personality test?

You have the nicest dick I’ve ever been with. You are so hot. I’m gonna make you cum again.

Be a lamb and don’t cash the check until next month.

Who loves ya baby?

Now get in there and make me some potato salad!

Tinker Bell Ladybug, good rim & bj; now get over here & I’ll slap your nasty, ugly face a few more times. You love that, don’t you?

Well, I never in all my life!

I’m really a men

Do you want to shower first, or shall I?

The best line I've ever read was in an article about men who hire prostitutes.

"I don't pay people to have sex with me. I pay them so they'll leave afterwards."

Keep the tip.

R162 that’s scarily accurate lol.

Welcome to the world of HIV!

I ask for cab fare.

Don't let the door hit ya on the way out.

Move it along, toots!

I want sexy talk suggestions please

Can I also eat your boogers?

Just smoke copious amounts of pot, silly.

"Wow. In that robe you look like Vincent "The Chin" Gigante!"

“Let us pray.”

"Don't quit your day job."

Best one minute I ever have

I warned you.

You got blood on my dick.

That's sixty-five extra for the snowball, gummy.

What was your name, again?

Never mind, I don’t care.

Gesundheit.

Now go to bed! I’ve got to be at work early in the morning!

Should I call you an Uber ?

Mitchie, I suckie suckie your thingy ten minutes. You owe me 20 dollar.

YOU AGAIN??

I hate myself for loving you.

Get in there and start cookin’

R178 what is a Snowball Gummy?

Why do I suddenly want a chili dog?

Put the cash in the dresser

Don’t let the screen door hit…

Well, at least we tried.

We'll always have Cleveland ...

Chew your corn.

I'm gonna log off now.

Get lost!

Like Maude to Archie when he told her to get out of his chair.

What just happened

I TELL HIM HES QUITE A GOOD FELLOW AND TO DROP BY ANY OLD TIME.

BLESS,

So… what’s your name?

Sorry - I just saw that R179 beat me to the joke.

This is why you should ALWAYS read the entire thread before posting.

What does a man who is in complete ecstasy and 100% sexually satiated say after sex?

I didn't think any of you knew...

Generally, "Thank you, menluvinguy!"

I'll never regain control of those sphincters again...

I’m usually left speechless.

“Sorry about the shit stain”.

God this thread is truly disgusting and I can’t stop laughing.

You can put your legs down now.

Stop crying.

"Thanks, would you like to cum, too?"

“What was your name again?”

your dick barely worked. seriously, my friend just fucked a guy who couldn't get hard but he was able to cum

so what else are you saying?

I told you I don’t get off the first time! Glad you got yours. That’s all that matters. Bye!

Ass good?

I say "Get off me, you fat jerk."

“ I think I heard my work phone buzz. It’s probably an emergency. Do you need any help getting out of here?”

Please take your tongue out of my mouth. I'm kissing you goodbye.

"If it's true what they say about the brain and hearing remaining active for a few minutes after death....I loved you, babe!"

THAT was SEX?????

Got change for a twenty?

You didn’t get anything on the sheets, did you?

I’ve already changed them twice in the past week.

Only twice?

Amateur!

Why do I itch?

Your pussy tastes great.

r214=Vairst Letty

"Don't take anything on your way out. I have cameras all over this place."

Leave!

$100.00 please you dick don’t work then give me $20.00

"I remember when I was a little boy, our house caught on fire. I'll never forget the look on my father's face as he gathered me up in his arms and faced through the burning building out on the pavement..."

Luke and Jon wear the same green coat

"I wish you were real and I didn't rip you. I hope I can still order some more of you on Amazon." :(

I bypass my partner and go tell my daughter about the stench of roadhouse whiskey on his breath.

Birtch, go back to your room and don’t forget you sleep-ap, your dental guard and your diapers.

Close your legs to married men.

R233 That’s the answer to everything, especially our demographic.

I got 6 more hours to kill, want to continue?

Wash it next time

I light up. Ooh there it is!

What's your name again?

Your money is on the dresser.

Go out the back stairs.

I have to insert a joke in here. ( Maybe I did earlier). A guy goes to a bar, and is drinking when a woman sidles up to him . They have a few drinks together and she leans over to him and says, "is it true what they say about men with big feet?" He says, "why yes it is". Pretty soon they're headed off to her place. He wakes in the morning to see the woman fully dressed, digging in her purse. She angrily slams two $50 bills on the dresser. He says, "There's no need to pay me, honey". She says, "this isn't payment. It's so that you can buy a pair of shoes that fit".

"Get out"...

This is a tiny bbody who have tried my best. Big guys have raped me.

Let me get you a towel with a warm wet end.

Oh, are you still here?

I can’t never found me a good dick the reason most celebrities sleep with men is because gay sex is extra special

I say get the fuck out of here!

It's on the counter.

I hate when someone asks me after sex what my name is.

You’re givin mah cooter the itchies!!

Clean it up bitch.

GET OUT OF HERE! GET OUT!

Next time, pop the haemorrhoids first!

We’re probably going to need a winch or something to get that prolapse stuffed back inside of you.

To fix anal prolapse all you have to do is use a plunger on the guys mouth.

Doctor asked patient if she smokes after sex. "Don't know, I never looked."

Well, not the worst 8 seconds I’ve experienced.

Phyllis, [italic]jag har slutat[/italic] (I am done).

Daddy did I do good?

No you didn’t do good try to give me at least one minute

Can you please strait you tongue

Are you ok? I didn’t hurt you at all did I? How was it?

I can’t kiss you…your face smells like piss!

“Nigger, please.”

You leave money on bed, I stay in White House.

Word to your mother.

Thank you for momentarily allowing me to forget my certain knowledge of increasing mortal agony before my impending eternal oblivion.

"So, ya feel better?"

Get dressed. Not that!

$250? I don’t have any tens, so here, just take $260.

Why did you do that to me?

I say, "Move over, bitch. I need to get some sleep."

What is that god-awful smell?