I've just returned from Joan Van Ark's 80th Birthday Bash
I've just returned from Joan Van Ark's eightieth birthday party. Attending were Beverly Hill's biggest and brightest. Mackenzie Phillips, Michelle Phillips, Lisa Hartman, and Teri Hatcher were just a few that were on hand. There was a price-fixed meal that ran $45 which included a dose of xenadrine and slim down solution pills.
"We had a great time," says Joan Van Ark, "and for the first hour of the night it was open bar for well liquor!" But things got a little out of hand when Michele Lee claimed that Marla Gibbs had stolen her glass of Glen Ellen Chardonnay. "Well it was mine! And I paid for it and even gave the bartender (Ted Shackelford) a hefty tip!" said Michele. By then it was well past ten and Michele had taken a male guest upstairs to go over some lines she had for her next film part (she's playing the mother of a 4 year old).
"If Donna Mills and Nicolette Sheridan hadn't stepped in I don't know what would've happened", said a guest who wanted to go unidentified. I'm just glad Michele and that Antonio Sobata guy weren't around to witness the dispute".
When I arrived the under-dressed Charlene Tilton was being escorted out by the doorman (William Devane). Something about her not having a proper invite. Charlene appeared agitated, spewing into the margarita fountain (for an extra $6 you got to keep the glass that said 'Happy 80th Joan!') and shouting at Michele, "Joan got me fired from Knots and I had to go and work for that drunk Larry Hagman!"
But Michele, along with Donna Mills, paid little attention as they were both discussing their plans to go in together the next day for chemical peels. I wondered where the guest of honor could be when finally by the end of a long evening (around eight o'clock) when Joan was wheeled out and made her appearance. Joan wore a fierce yellow leather ensemble. There was not a dry eye in the house when she crooned a spirited version of "Don't Dry Out Loud".
All in all it was a fun evening.
Did any other Dataloungers go? Got any fun backroom stories about Patrick Peterson? What about Ted Shackelford mixing drinks without using his hands? Please share!
| by Anonymous | reply 45 | August 7, 2023 4:06 AM
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Sadly, none of their faces can still make a human expression.
| by Anonymous | reply 1 | June 17, 2023 2:14 PM
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[quote]Beverly Hill's biggest and brightest
Oh, dear.
| by Anonymous | reply 2 | June 17, 2023 2:16 PM
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Makes a nice bookend to your attendance at Joan OF Arc's 80th birthday bash, OP.
| by Anonymous | reply 3 | June 17, 2023 2:17 PM
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[quote] Makes a nice bookend to your attendance at Joan OF Arc's 80th birthday bash, OP.
The BBQ got a little out of control there.
| by Anonymous | reply 5 | June 17, 2023 2:18 PM
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All of the Broads from Knapps Landing I’ve got an extensive plastic surgery over the year. I don’t know why they bother. It doesn’t make them look younger, it doesn’t make them look more attractive, and it doesn’t get them any acting roles.
| by Anonymous | reply 6 | June 17, 2023 2:19 PM
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Were the Collins sisters, Joan and Alana, there?
| by Anonymous | reply 7 | June 17, 2023 2:21 PM
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Joan was there. Jackie was also there, though looking a little... embalmed.
| by Anonymous | reply 8 | June 17, 2023 2:23 PM
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Did the stunning Claudia Lonow make an appearance? What about Dr. Constance McCashin?
| by Anonymous | reply 9 | June 17, 2023 2:25 PM
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Claudia was present, yes, and so was, "Dr" McCashin. Though we had to keep reminding her that a "Sycology" diploma from Trump U is not accredited.
| by Anonymous | reply 10 | June 17, 2023 2:28 PM
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Is it true thar Kim Lankford mistook Lynne Moody for the towel lady in the ladies room, and that Stacey Galina and Danielle Brisbois started a cat fight on the dais?
| by Anonymous | reply 11 | June 17, 2023 2:54 PM
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[quote] Is it true thar Kim Lankford mistook Lynne Moody for the towel lady in the ladies room
Mistook? You mean she wasn't? Don't blame Kim though. She was a little tipsy, which wouldn't have been a problem if she wasn't the valet but...
[quote]and that Stacey Galina and Danielle Brisbois started a cat fight on the dais?
I don't know if that's where it started but that's where in ended up. Danielle was wearing roller skates and so that fight spinning around all over the place. They almost hit the cake, but thankfully missed it and only ended up spilling some punch on Lar Park Lincoln.
| by Anonymous | reply 12 | June 17, 2023 2:59 PM
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[Italics]I was there sitting near the piano when guest Patti Lupone , in full 'Norma' drag from 'Sunset Boulevard', grabbed the microphone and sang an altered verse from 'New Ways To Dream' : [Italics]
"Joan Van Ark
Look at her face !
Isn't it wrong ?
Kept in the dark,
Hide her from view
Where she belongs.
She showed us all
Her face ain't real
She gave the world
A reason to scream
Joan's strange new face
Made us all scream..."
| by Anonymous | reply 13 | June 17, 2023 3:12 PM
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I'm not saying I did attend, and I'm not saying I didn't. What I am saying is that I could've attended any time I wanted.
| by Anonymous | reply 14 | June 17, 2023 3:28 PM
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Did Carole Bayer Sager and Ann Turkel make it?
| by Anonymous | reply 15 | June 17, 2023 3:45 PM
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Who was the sugar daddy that twinky Pat Petersen arrived with?
| by Anonymous | reply 16 | June 17, 2023 4:02 PM
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R16 That was the corpse of Kevin Dobson.
| by Anonymous | reply 17 | June 17, 2023 4:26 PM
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[quote]The BBQ got a little out of control there.
Yeah, but we had some GREAT S'mores.
| by Anonymous | reply 18 | June 17, 2023 6:06 PM
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It was a great shindig. Joan doesn't look a day over 79!
| by Anonymous | reply 19 | June 17, 2023 8:20 PM
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Ted Shackelford was an absolute dream. Shame I wasn't born soon enough, or a beautiful woman.
| by Anonymous | reply 20 | June 17, 2023 8:44 PM
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Tonya Crowe looked miserable the entire time, as she would rather have been ANYWHERE else, and pretty much kept to herself. I did see her deep in conversation with John Pleshette at one point. I wonder what they were discussing.
| by Anonymous | reply 21 | June 17, 2023 9:07 PM
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Thank Gawd Don Merideth didn't show up. He has really, really deteriorated at this point.
| by Anonymous | reply 22 | June 17, 2023 9:12 PM
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R21 She was talking about this really great Timeshare she purchased in Mobile, Alabama trailer-park, and was counting down the days until she started her vacation.
| by Anonymous | reply 23 | June 17, 2023 9:41 PM
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The mothballs, they are strong in this thread.
| by Anonymous | reply 24 | June 17, 2023 9:44 PM
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I heard the valet (Brian Austin Green) drove Lar Park Lincoln’s VW Cabriolet into one of the Japanese water features in front of Joan’s house. That’s not going to help with his overdue child-support payments.
| by Anonymous | reply 26 | June 17, 2023 9:55 PM
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The ghost of Kevin Dobson kept circling the guests on the patio. Unfortunately, no one mentioned him.
| by Anonymous | reply 28 | June 18, 2023 1:13 AM
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Couldn't hold a candle to Nana's Hollywood Hills cul-de-sac parties. Nothing tops Ricardo Montalbán doing The Frug with a gimp leg.
| by Anonymous | reply 29 | June 18, 2023 1:25 AM
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The wrong Collins sister died!
| by Anonymous | reply 30 | June 18, 2023 1:28 AM
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Susan Richardson was there. I wonder what kind of a time was had by America's Sweetheart.
| by Anonymous | reply 31 | June 19, 2023 1:30 AM
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OP = Brendad Ickson
Just kidding. She'd never be invited.
[quote] 'I love Knots so much."
I was really little, but find the early seasons comforting, because I only saw it when I spent time with my late grandmother. Same with "Murder She Wrote", "Dynasty" and "Dallas". I remember finding "Dallas" to be really dry and boring (to this day, I only really like the theme), and preferring "Dynasty". Even at five years old. Go figure.
| by Anonymous | reply 32 | June 19, 2023 2:05 AM
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[quote] OP = Brendad Ickson. Just kidding. She'd never be invited.
And you think that would stop her from showing up?
| by Anonymous | reply 33 | June 19, 2023 6:40 PM
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Hunt Block escorted Teri Austin. Hunt appeared to have a good time, chatting up a storm with Jim Houghton and special guest Mary Crosby. Teri, on the other hand, looked miserable and drank way too much. At the end of the night, she could be heard muttering over and over, "Poor Joan".
| by Anonymous | reply 34 | June 19, 2023 7:48 PM
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OP is a liar. Donna would not do ANYTHING with Nicolette- she does not like her- she actually said she Nicolette would study her onset.
Only castmember she does not have nice things to say about..
| by Anonymous | reply 35 | June 19, 2023 8:11 PM
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"she actually said she Nicolette would study her onset."
Her onset of what? Menopause? Diabetes? Herpes?
| by Anonymous | reply 36 | June 19, 2023 8:18 PM
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R16 , R17 lost his glasses. It was Nick Schillace aka Dimitri Pappas aka Lorenzo Caccialanza. But I saw Patrick leaving with Joseph Gian. I think Lorenzo paid him for one hour only...
In the background Michelle Phillips and Kathleen Noone laughed about it. What went on in their minds? I can't mind-read so I asked their writers David Jacobs and Lisa Seidman but couldn't understand a word. Michele Lee and Lisa Hartman sang Pat Benatar's You Belong. I wished for an earthquake but had better luck: Grace Zabriskie shot Michele. Everyone was filming it and Lisa asked for a selifie with Grace.
| by Anonymous | reply 38 | June 19, 2023 8:30 PM
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Scoche Marin (Katherine Chancellor, THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS) tried to coax Joan into returning to the show as Gloria! Scoche is slaying the Y&R audience as the definitive Kay.
| by Anonymous | reply 39 | June 20, 2023 2:47 AM
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This ad just popped up on the ABC news site!
| by Anonymous | reply 40 | August 7, 2023 2:22 AM
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R40 Donna Mills has publicly admitted to attempting to make that story go viral with Van Ark's photo...
| by Anonymous | reply 41 | August 7, 2023 3:07 AM
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Did Julie Harris bother to show up?
| by Anonymous | reply 42 | August 7, 2023 3:22 AM
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Was Susan Dey among the Hollywood elite?
| by Anonymous | reply 43 | August 7, 2023 3:23 AM
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Please tell me Stephanie Kramer brought a nice gift. She’s always so thoughtful. Those Bath and Bodyworks candles aren’t cheap.
| by Anonymous | reply 44 | August 7, 2023 3:37 AM
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Did Doug Sheehan miss the party again? He keeps promising he’ll show and pick up a sheet cake from Costco.
| by Anonymous | reply 45 | August 7, 2023 4:06 AM
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