Am I too old to be going clubbing at gay bars

I was at a straight bar with some friends and saw a guy who looked at least 70 hanging out!

Who cares, as long as you're enjoying yourself

Get you a sugar baby!

NYC has the luxury of age zoning:

Christopher St.: old coots

Chelsea: middle-aged daddies in rehab

Hell's Kitchen: horny 30yo twinks

I'm 61 and just don't feel comfortable in the HK bars. I feel like I'm in a nursery.

Go out and have fun. Life is too short.

OP, do what you want. But do you really want to be the old guy at the club?

[quote] OP, do what you want. But do you really want to be the old guy at the club?

OP, SOMEONE is going to be the old guy at the club, why not you? Live your life.

Go for it, Op, who cares. I turned 50 last year and with Covid i lost a little the habit of going out on weekends but when i do, every month or so, not only feels good but am shocked by how someone older still is hit on. Like r4 sais, Life is short, dance and do what you like.

OP looks 28

As long as you're not fat the only thing you need to worry about is who you're going to fuck! Enjoy!

Depends on the club. Sparklepony night at the twink bar, no. A bear party, probably. An oldies house night with a Body & Soul vibe, of course.

The moment you feel the need to project joviality, you have to leave. Your optimism has to be organic or you get flop sweat. People can smell it on you.

It’s okay as long as you stay sitting at the bar and if the bar establishment is old looking so that you blend into the decor. It doesn’t work if the theme is modern since then you would stick out.

The only thing worse than being old is being fat, so let's hope you are not both.

Is there bingo nights at these bars?

R5, here again. I want to add something to my previous comment.

Lucky for you OP, we now live in a world where young gays actively seek out older guys as sugar daddies. There are sugar daddy apps. I can't tell you what to do, but even if you don't care if you're the old guy at the club, do you really want to be the old guy mark at the club with some young twink looking to get into your bank account?

[quote] "Go out and have fun. Life is too short.

I agree entirely, R4. Fuck what other people think. Celebrate the moment, and life in general. Life is a buffet, after all.

If you are in your 50’s why are you hanging out with guys in their 30’s? Do you pay for dinner?

^ Yes, and sex.

Age is just a number. Unless you act like you’re an old man you need to go out and have lots of fun with the guys. The naysayers here are jealous they do not have opportunities or friends like you do. Trust me on this.

I lost my partner last year after 17 years, so I am starting again on the scene aged 55.

I’ve been to Soho on Saturday night a couple of times just for a couple of ciders and had a good time. Wasn’t approached by anyone and am not really looking at the moment, but that will change as time rolls on…

I still have a few years left on the clock before I am totally dried up and wizened, and do need to get out and socialise once more.

Am I too old? Possibly, but its got to be done.

If you are over 30 you are too old to be clubbing at bay bars.

If you are 40-50, you fucking better be hung, have a ton of money or good drugs that you give away freely. Any combination of the three can gain you a couple of years.

If you over 50, no one really notices you anyway so who the fuck cares?

[R19] Thank you, OP here, your reply made my day 😀

Young men looking for a financial arrangement should make their intentions clear at the outset. (the two I've run into made it quite clear what they were looking for.)

[quote] OP, do what you want. But do you really want to be the old guy at the club?

Contradict yourself much?

I lost my partner last year after 17 years, so I am starting again on the scene aged 55.

I’ve been to Soho on Saturday night a couple of times just for a couple of ciders and had a good time. Wasn’t approached by anyone and am not really looking at the moment, but that will change as time rolls on…

[quote] "I still have a few years left on the clock before I am totally dried up and wizened, and do need to get out and socialise once more. Am I too old? Possibly, but its got to be done."

R20 = Dolly Levi

Go for it!

[quote]Thank you, OP here, your reply made my day

OP, so you were just wanting affirmation from this thread, and not advice?

Yeah, you're probably too old to be hitting the clubs, OP. There are other ways to meet people besides clubbing.

As long as you keep buying the drinks you'll always be welcome 😉

Hang with your friends, envelop the vibe, and live your best life. Anyone who says differently is jealous, narcissistic or just "types fat"!

All my friends are younger (30s) and push me to come out because they enjoy ME not my age. So good on you!

Go early and leave early. Or find a nice piano bar. The Townhouse in NYC or similar might be your best bet.

Gay bars are becoming extinct for a reason. The purpose they served is no longer necessary. And if you are 50 something and say “clubbing” you need to examine what is the actual purpose of your endeavor. Are you looking for young dick? I would question why most of your friends are younger.

Do you have anything in common with these younger men, or are you just buying them drinks. My guess is you are on a different socioeconomic level, different level of education and have zero to talk about regarding music, literature or art.

Prove me wrong.

What "proof" would satisfy R31? Tax returns? Long from birth certificates?

R21, as a fifty year old that is jus not true.

Also, op et all, if there are several older people at the bar or disco they can find each other, if they want.

You don’t have to go out now, there are plenty of apps for all tastes. But nothing bets meeting a stranger on a dark night at the bar.

I need you to clarify 'clubs' because as far as I can see, the days of the big gay dance clubs in almost every large US city are sadly gone. There are some bars with a dancing area - but I don't consider that a club by any means.

No, you're not too old. Have fun.

[quote] Anyways, I think

Oh, dear.

OP = Madonna

What do you wear when you are out clubbing at 53 OP?

For R33, the link goes on to list and explain the other usage rules for et al.

Using et al. in APA Style APA Style has slightly different rules for using “et al.” depending on whether you’re following the 6th or 7th edition.

7th edition rules In APA 7 in-text citations, when a source has two authors, list both. When there are three or more authors, cite the first author followed by “et al.”

“Et al.” in APA 7 Number of authors In-text citation 1–2 authors (Anderson & Singh, 2018) 3+ authors (McDonnell et al., 2019) Don’t use “et al.” in the reference list. Instead, list up to 20 authors in full. When a source has more than 20 authors, list the first 19, then an ellipsis (…), then the final name:

Example: APA reference entry with 21+ authors McDonnell, F., Davidson, M., Singh, J., Clobus, R., Davies, R., Eliot, A., McCombes, S., Caulfield, J., Streefkerk, R., Corrieri, L., LaBrode, M., Theel, M., Swaen, B., Debret, J., Jonker, S., Driessen, K., Baldwin, I., Bevans, R., Bhandari, P., … Peters, H.

I'm sure this varies by the city, but in NY it is definitely common to see guys in their 40s and 50s at gay clubs/parties. As other people have said it varies based on the venue, some have younger crowds but others have a lot of daddies. It obviously helps if you stay in shape.

Live your life. Just don't be a creepy old guy trying to hit on a bunch of guys half his age.

[quote]disco

Oh, sweetie...

At 53, your bag of fucks should be completely empty. Do whatever you want, Mary!

PS Go to Palm Springs. At 53 you'll be chicken.

Please just dress age appropriately, do not get on the dance floor, and do not act desperate. You're probably a cool older person, so just remain laid back. Have fun.

Wow, there really is some vile lot of unpleasantly snide little faggots that deserve the increasingly hostile world they will get to live in, with the heat and the flooding and the shortages of drinking water and increasingly violent attacks on the LGBTQ community that are posting here. Groovy.

OP, fuck it - if you are cool with going out, go out and enjoy - and congrats on still having the energy to do so.

Are you the Mother Hen type and they all come to you with their drama and heartache? Maybe you are the wise Uncle or Aunty? I have found myself in that situation a couple times. However, it didn't last long. As well-described upthread by (R41), my "bag of fucks is completely empty."

I agree R44 that the younger generation deserves what’s coming to it.

OP, how big is your dick?

"vile lot of unpleasantly snide little faggots that deserve the increasingly hostile world they will get to live in, with the heat and the flooding and the shortages of drinking water and increasingly violent attacks on the LGBTQ community that are posting here."

R44 Speaking of vile.....

It’s definitely fine. It gets weird when older people also try to dress super young. That makes me sad.

You're not too old until you start feeling ridiculous.

R43 - the fuck? Why even go? You need to 'remain laid back' and not get on the dance floor - at all?

Bars are supposed to have people of all ages - particularly gay bars.

Do you make TikTok videos with silly dances?

Last time I was at a gay club was in my mid forties. I no longer felt like I was comfortable at my age in that situation.

At your age, you should be saving for retirement. Not buying drinks, dinner and new clothes for your “friends.”

You are the guy you once looked at in the club and thought "why is HE here??". Stay home. Youth has passed you by.

What's wrong with getting on the dance floor? I agree about dressing one's age, but you are never too old too dance.

OP if it makes you happy - go to the clubs! I think it's great you go. I'm 43 and I hate that type of scene because I'm so introverted, but I admire people who enjoy it and go for it.

And please don't let anyone on here tell you otherwise. You live once. Do what makes you happy. People are drawn to those who have confidence and good energy - it doesn't matter how old you are. If you want to go out and dance with your friends - you do it.

I have a friend that is 60, who does drugs, is always on Grinder, does Botox, and obsesses about his weight. It’s not pretty.

OP, my only suggestion would be to know when to get off that circuit.

Even with that r60, if your friend is content with his life then whatever.

We are all going to be dead one day, people should live their life how they want.

No one cares. Everyone is so busy chasing a piece of ass in that club, they won't care if a man in his 50s or older is enjoying himself. And especially if he doesn't try to look like one of them. Dress nicely and age appropriate. You can't go wrong with a black polo or button front shirt with dark jeans or pants with dark shoes. Silver watch and/or mineral jewelry. Look successful. And if you are 53 and enjoy what you are doing and paying your own way, you are successful.

I love men in their 50s. So I'm glad you still go out, OP.

(Of course, I'm 43. So I have my own cross to bear in this respect.)

Your age does not matter. Just for gay god's sake don't dress like a 20 year old.

R 59, here. I meant "minimal jewelry".

Get your freak on OP.

Everyone here talking like OP is 90. Fifty-three is young these days. He has younger friends who invite him out. He must have a youthful vibe.

Dance all you want, OP; don’t talk about your age (“This Madonna song takes me back to high school!”), and don’t dress like Machine Gun Kelly. Have fun.

I'm 58. A couple weekends ago, some younger friends dragged me out to a bar/club on Saturday night. I was going to stay home and watch a movie or something. But I had a blast!

It is rare that I don't drive, so it was a nice change to be able to have as many drinks as I wanted and not worry. I met more than ten guys, and all were (much) younger than I. A few asked to go get coffee some time later.

As we were leaving, I noticed the sponsor of the event: Daddies and Dudes. Apparently the promoter of this event moves it around SoCal every week or two and it happened to be at that place that night.

I have a blast at the clubs!

I am close to OP's age and I find this a lot with my fellow GenXers. Trying to hold on to something that's long gone. I understand that our teens and 20s were a mixed bag in the age of AIDS before cocktails and PrEP. If partying with GenZers and Millenials helps you feel good, then go for it, as long as you don't make the mistake that you are one of their peers - because you are not. To your face they will say things like, 'but you're not like those other 50 year olds.' Is that what you want your life to be at this point? To be a talk to? To be a bank? To be someone's daddy? To be the magical old queen doling out advice to the twinks and twunks?

R65- If it wasn't Daddies and Dudes night at the club then you probably would have been totally INVISIBLE.

Oh, I agree. It was a happy coincidence indeed.

I for one admire the gays who don't want the cookie cutter life of marriage in the suburbs. Who says we have to live like the straights just because we have the option nowadays.

It sounds like you're thriving. The only problem is you think there might be something wrong when there's not.

I don't think you're too old. 53 is not that old. Go out and have fun. Life is short ( painful too), so go enjoy yourself.

OP, Canadians get their seals in the Arctic. You won't find any in a gay bar. And that's actually very cruel.

Oh, wait... you're gonna club gay men?!! OUCH!

Its such a silly question. Gay bars NEED older customers who can pay for as many drinks as they feel like buying for themselves and friends. Those cute twinks who are just graduating college--the ones you think belong there more than you--they can't afford to buy shit. YOU are the customer. They are there to look cute and be admired and you are there to drown in as much ass as you can get.

If one out of 25 twinks in a crowded gay bar has a thing for older guys, you could have your own gangbang by the end of the night.

HAVE FUN

When I was a hot twink in NYC in the 80s I had 50 year old daddy friends, who were miraculously not dying of AIDS, and even an over 60 or two. I didn't fuck any of them. They were happy to invite me for cocktails and dinners and special events and I was happy to have mature male friends. I'm responding to R67. There is nothing wrong with intergenerational friendships but you make them sound crappy. What's your issue? In my 40s I left a career for a full professorship and so have spent 20 years with college boys and I really enjoy it. I wouldn't mind having some real friendships with young people but my job provides an alternative way to have relationships with young people. I'm going to miss it when I retire. Young people are not spoiled and they are generous with their energy.

Yes, you are.

@r57, "I have a friend that is 60, who does drugs, is always on Grinder, does Botox, and obsesses about his weight. It’s not pretty. "

Thanks, how would you like it if I told the world about YOU? 😠

R74 there is nothing wrong with intergenerational friendships, but this thread set it up in the realm of going to clubs. No one is going to clubs to have deep conversations and to make meaningful friendships,

R73- Not every guy who's young and good looking belongs in the category of Twink.

No OP, I don't beleive your too old to go to the bars. Have a great time.

I go to bars to meet my friends who are my own age. I sometimes attract attention from younger guys (I’m 56), but I have no interest in pursuing anything with them. I have nothing in common with them, and it is rare for me to find their conversation stimulating.

OP is an American to even ask the question, and the respondents telling him to stay home are Americans.

In other parts of the world with gay bars, it wouldn't be an issue. For all the usual reasons, gay men in their 50s, 60s, 70s may be a minority in a gay bar or club, but they are there. And in other parts of the world, no one thinks twice about it.

The U.S. is very age conscious, they want friends within a year or two of their own age, convinced that anyone outside that range is too ancient or too young and stupid to be worthy of conversation. Their grandparents, parents, older acquaintances, younger relatives, and younger people are worthy only of being patronized, infantilized, or ignored with a sniff of "what's he doing here?"

Back in the 70's and 80's, the older crowd dominated the disco/dance club scene

I worry that perhaps this is how OP looks when he steps out for the evening:

R83 impossible as OP is an OLD and that is a YOUNG.

I meant those clothes stretched over OP's ample frame R84. And that little handbag. Especially the handbag...

@r81, I love how foreigners have American Gay men all figured out. Where are you from and I'll give you the stereotypical world view of your existence 😠

I'm from the U.S., R86, and lived there half a century.

Other things I know about people from my native land: they are very thin-skinned and bristle at observation, let alone the least criticism.

^ No, you were suggesting that all American Gay men were of the same mind. You may live in America now, but your heart and your bigotry are with your homeland.

I think OP created confusion. No one goes "clubbing" at gay bars. Gay clubs and gay bars are two different things with two different purposes. Gay bars are populated by an older crowd. Gay clubs are younger and more druggy.

Recently, I went to a gay club to do some research for a project I'm working on. Today's gay clubs are not Splash. There is dancing and guys with no shirts on, but very different from what you'd expect.

No doubt you were the belle of the ball twirling in your caftan and fingering mother’s pearls coquettishly while sipping your appletini.

If you enjoy going clubbing at gay bars just fucking do it and to hell with what anyone else thinks. Life is too short to be worrying about what other people think and especially not doing something you enjoy because of that.

Personally the music does nothing for me and I cant dance for shit so I'll pass... but not on account of my age. I didnt like the music when I was young either. Heard too much of it going to those places with my first ex

[quote] I for one admire the gays who don't want the cookie cutter life of marriage in the suburbs. Who says we have to live like the straights just because we have the option nowadays.

R70 You realize there are more than two options, right? "Going out clubbing with the younger gays" and "marriage in the suburbs living like the straights" are not remotely the only choices.

I'm 47 and admire your motivation! Going to bars/clubs these days feels like a chore. "Get ready at 9-10pm to be out until 1-2am?" Can't be bothered.

Be surrounded by GenZers (most millenials these days are not clubbing either, IMHO). Doubly exhausting.

Exhaustion from staying up late the night before, possibly even a hangover the next day? Yep, exhausting.

The fact that you even WANT to do this means you're getting something out of it. Maybe making up for lost time (what GenX gay male hasn't done thta?). FOMO (again, the first gay male who hasn't been motivated by this throw the first stone...).

Just focus on being in the moment if you like going. If you stop feeling it, don't go. Also, manage your expectations. Rarely in my 47 years have I met any gay man who found the man/job/experience of his life at a club.

Also agree, dress and act like your age (not boring, but your age). Nothing shows off more confidence than that and confidence is ALWAYS attractive.

Is a night of clubbing no longer midnight to 6 am?

[quote]You may live in America now, but your heart and your bigotry are with your homeland.

No again, R86 R88. I'm from the U.S., I was born in the U.S., I'm still a citizen citizen of the U.S. I lived there, from birth for more than 50 years. It is my homeland, and my parents' and their parents' back to buckle-shoe Pilgrims. I don't live there now for reasons quite unrelated to the thread subject, and not because I hate the U.S.

My opinion, though, would have been the same going back decades before I moved away. Just because you don't agree with me doesn't make me a foreigner (as you can find easily enough in your own backyard.)

Calling out a foreigner as having a presumedly uninformed and illegitimate opinion is also a bit American. Especially the name-calling in place of substance part.

R93- I always dress like a SLOB.

What does THAT say about me?

For our friends who want to club

I am 51 and there’s no way in hell I’m ever going dancing again. I’ve said this before but, I cannot attract a 50-year-old man on an app to save my life. I only get messages from 21 to 28 year olds. And they don’t want money or dinner or financial support. They just want hot daddy sex. Which is totally understandable because that’s all I want too. I want to have sex with a hot 50-something year old daddy.

But I do live two blocks away from a club where dancing happens. And I’ll get messages at midnight saying “what are you doing? Come to the club” and I’ll have to say, no, I am old and in bed.

I actually have to turn my profile off during pride, because that club has a backyard, and they build what looks like the stadium on Ninja Warrior and it fills up with like 500 people. And I will get 60 messages from 20 year olds asking me to come meet them. It’s flattering and exhausting.

But when I think about the idea of dancing, all I think of is, oh, I bet that’s gonna hurt my knees and back. And I’m not in bad shape, I’m just 51. Things break down.

I’ve reached the four Advil a night stage of my life.

This is not typical of the messages I get, but Sunday I went to a beer bust that went from 4 to 8 PM and got this at 1:45 in the morning. The profile has no pic, distance is turned off, and there’s absolutely no information in the profile.

Aside from the fact that they messaged me without any info or picture, I also kind of felt like “it’s 1:45 AM. How many guys did you try to hook up with before messaging me at 1:45 in the morning? Was I guy number 27 or something and your last desperate attempt before giving it up for the night? Because that’s not very flattering”.

I mean, if they were serious, why didn’t they just walk up to me and talk to me in the daylight at the bar?

R98 nailed it.

GenZ has weird daddy issues. When I get messaged on Grindr it's usually one of three categories: 1) guys over 40 looking for a fuck buddy or 2) guys in their early-mid 20s looking for a daddy. No. 2 is VERY eager to get used and abused and then disappear. I blame it on the weird porn of today. The comical "I'm fucking a guy under the table and my gross girlfriend doesn't know" or AI-based.

GenZ gays have a weird ass fetish; they universally seem to have Kim Kardashian shapes and they love thongs, chastity belts, and jocks (in that order it seems).

For a change, us older guys are NOT missing out on anything.

R98- I'm 57 years old and I agree that 20 something guys being interested in me is flattering and not flattering. I would be more flattered if an attractive 3O something guy expressed an interest in me but sometimes I can't tell if a guy is 20 something or 30 something especially when they have facial hair.

R99, you are exactly right. And sometimes they get super aggressive. There’s no “Hi, how are you doing?”

They go straight to “come over and breed my hole”. And if you say no, they’ll send you ten follow-ups each with increasingly weird demands. “Come breed me pressed up against my glass patio window so the neighbors can see”.

Uh. No.

No honey, you were too old 13 years ago.

OP is ready for clubbing

OP, wear a black tuxedo and give everyone at the club something to talk about. Don't speak, just walk around like you own the place. You'll thank me later.

I was thinking of a cape - with full extenders like the kind Tim Curry flashed about in “The Worst Witch”.

Just do whatever you enjoy doing with your time, don't worry about how its perceived unless you think that'll have some real consequences. Ultimately, you'll be dead pretty soon. Have a good time.

[quote]Please just dress age appropriately, do not get on the dance floor, and do not act desperate. You're probably a cool older person, so just remain laid back. Have fun.

OK, I think I got it. Thanks!

Gen X gays have access to testosterone, fillers, botox and Cialis/Viagra. We are the post aids generation an a lot missed out on the freeness of coming out and fucking everything that moves. Now with Prep and the above, they are out and the Daddy generation is on the prowl.

I think you should do what you want with friends and by yourself and enjoy yourself.

OP perhaps you should cruise places that have Early Bird Specials you might have better luck.

R108 You are right.

We also just survived 3 years of Covid lockdowns closed off by a summer of monkeypox. We're PrePped and Vax'd (3 X 2, some even 4 X 2).

Hits close to home. At 47, I feel like I have 3 years to go before the big 5-0. It's comical how much I say "I'm not 50 YET!" and act out on that artificial deadline. Something desparate and empowering about it.

Went to a bathhouse last weekend and geez, after maybe 12 seconds for foreplay/eye contact, guys these days literally turn around and bend over. No "are you a top?" or "fuck me daddy" even. You just stick it on in.

Back when I was in the 20s in the 90s, we'd have to have this discussions about condoms, status, safety and the need to do so was real.

TY.

^forgive my *desperate* typo, I got caught in the moment

[quote]Gay bars are becoming extinct for a reason. The purpose they served is no longer necessary.

People keep saying this and yet they keep opening new ones.

R95, I'm just an observer, but you are the one who was throwing stones "Calling out a foreigner as having a presumedly uninformed and illegitimate opinion is also a bit American. Especially the name-calling in place of substance part." calling the kettle black

I haven’t read this thread, but the answer is YES.

R111 - no we did not have elaborate pre-coital negotiations in saunas and cruise areas in the 90s. If you were a safe sex player, that's what you did. If you started with someone and they tried to take it bareback, you'd say something. It was quickly negotiated with few words by both parties. Sheesh!

Yes you are too old. Just go on sugarbabies,com like ever other old guy.

R116 Sadly for me and my circle of friends we did not do the saunas and cruise areas in the 90s. No judgments, just our preference. We were in our prime and met primarily in bars/clubs or AOL chatrooms. There was definitely more discussion of safe sex/status back then in those places. Or maybe I self-selected. Anyone who was "uninhibited" = bareback = auto-ignore.

HIV/AIDS was a real threat.

R101 If anyone told me to come over and breed their hole in front of a window so neighbors could see, I'd probably clutch my pearls so tight I would pass out from lack of oxygen.

R118 That's how I have been too. I didn't even have a lot of anal sex for a long time. And I went into a full panic if I slipped and had a condom malfunction or cut in my mouth when I blew people. I was so afraid. I wasn't out for a long time so I was afraid of AIDS but also just people finding out I was gay. I know I sound like I was a mess. I guess I was. But I lived through it and am happily partnered up now, 56 and partner is 41. He's a different generation.

GIRLS never tell anyone your age.

Just say what my mother said when anyone asked her age-

I'm 21+