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Just got back from a wedding. These things take much too long.

An all-day event that started around forever breakfast all the way through midnight. A good 15h of speeches, small talk, silly rituals, etc.

It’s just too much.

by Anonymousreply 130May 26, 2023 5:09 PM

No, ‘these things’ don't. The one you attended did.

by Anonymousreply 1April 15, 2023 11:55 PM

I hope u didn't bring a +1 that u tortured w/

by Anonymousreply 2April 15, 2023 11:57 PM

Send a gift (or not); don’t attend. The only sane way to handle them.

by Anonymousreply 3April 15, 2023 11:59 PM

I could not do that - even for my OWN wedding.

by Anonymousreply 4April 16, 2023 12:01 AM

Was it a straight wedding?

by Anonymousreply 5April 16, 2023 12:35 AM

Why didn’t you leave when you’d had enough?

by Anonymousreply 6April 16, 2023 2:17 AM

Did you all have to wear a certain color? Some of the demands are over the top.

by Anonymousreply 7April 16, 2023 2:21 AM

The last good wedding I went to was a friend of my mom's daughter at a bay club.. They handed you a glass of good Champagne as you walked in, open bar during, and ceremony was short and sweet. Entertainment was Smokey Robinson.

by Anonymousreply 8April 16, 2023 2:23 AM

Weddings are horrible narcissistic “look at me” rituals for self involved people. I find zero redeeming qualities to them. I absolutely hate weddings. Why do people think they are so important that people should rearrange their lives to watch the, - including traveling to a different city and often spending more than one day. Get a legal contract that says you’re married if you want - don’t guilt everyone you know into spending a day praising you and giving you money and gifts. Ugh.

by Anonymousreply 9April 16, 2023 2:27 AM

Who cares. It's a party and ...

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 10April 16, 2023 2:31 AM

Four hours from ceremony to ending is more than sufficient.

by Anonymousreply 11April 16, 2023 2:33 AM

Did the groom and his groomdouches do their shitty, stupid dance including taking circular turns shaking their booties in the face of the bride seated in her chair at the dancefloor's edge?

And did the requisite, older drunk uncle crash the festivities and choreography?

by Anonymousreply 12April 16, 2023 2:35 AM

I have to endure a long wedding next Saturday, including a six-hour drive there and six hours back. Why can't people just get married in their living rooms with six people attending like they used to?

by Anonymousreply 13April 16, 2023 2:38 AM

Here in Boston, Bay Windows still publishes a print edition, but it's no longer weekly in recent years, but bi-weekly. It's very thin nowadays as it's aged, unlike me and many here.

I used to see them available free at many more places years ago, like bakeries, cafes. supermarkets, etc. Now it's just at Star Market in Cambridge and the Dorchester section of Boston near the JFK Library and Museum. Not even at the Boston Public Library anymore, though it still displays one or two other local print weeklies. Whole Foods Market, I think, carries Bay Windows at a couple of downtown stores still.

I've actually never looked at the website

I recall in the late 80s when I first discovered Bay Windows, it was a weekly and of many more pages. And I'd look forward to each issue, reading or glancing at everything, even the ads. Gay news was hard to find then.

Bay Windows has maybe a couple of small newsboxes in Boston, but usually the window is missing and the papers can get wet.

Which cities still have print editions of gay or LGBTQ newspapers and entertainment guides?

by Anonymousreply 14April 16, 2023 2:40 AM

I swore off weddings in the 1990s. I just don't enjoy being in big crowds mingling with many people I've never met and most likely won't be in their company again. The only wedding I attended since the early 90s was my second cousin I am very close to, five years ago. I went because he's one of the few cousins on that side of the family I like, it was a rather small wedding (50 people) and because his mom (my first cousin) had terminal cancer and not much longer to live. I spent some time with her, knowing it would be the last I'd ever see her. Sure enough, she died two weeks later.

by Anonymousreply 15April 16, 2023 2:42 AM

I think of them as pre-divorce ceremonies and act accordingly.

by Anonymousreply 16April 16, 2023 2:46 AM

Perfect ^. They really are much ado about nothing. Save the celebrating for the ten year anniversary.

I wish they still threw rice. I used to boil mine first.

by Anonymousreply 17April 16, 2023 3:09 AM

I hate weddings. I prefer funerals, over in half an hour and someone's dead

by Anonymousreply 18April 16, 2023 3:18 AM

R5 yes — they are more over the top and extended into infinity than gay weddings, it seems

R6 I did! After biding my time for a good 2-3h after dinner, I finally got up and left, as one of the very first to do so

by Anonymousreply 19April 16, 2023 8:39 AM

If I ever get married, it will be an elopement or courthouse wedding. I'd like an outdoor party with tons of flowers and good food (in late Spring or sometime in October...my favorite month) to follow at some point within the year. I'm not a fan of big weddings. And I'm sure as hell never paying for one.

by Anonymousreply 20April 16, 2023 9:02 AM

I’m thinking along the same lines, R20: A simple ceremony of 30 minutes tops, without dramatic entrances or exits; followed by ab lovely dinner across the street. And that’s it! I’d rather spend thousands of euros on my honeymoon.

by Anonymousreply 21April 16, 2023 10:36 AM

I left my sister's wedding at 3.30 a.m. and it felt like I was leaving early.

by Anonymousreply 22April 16, 2023 10:50 AM

For weddings, I love beautiful ones. But only for small groups of people who mean something to me - close friends, relatives, etc. I absolutely hate getting dragged to other kind. It's one thing I enjoyed in 2020...

by Anonymousreply 23April 16, 2023 11:03 AM

They should be short and sweet, considering that the divorce will come in 3-5 years.

by Anonymousreply 24April 16, 2023 11:05 AM

If I were getting married I'd elope, then maybe have a small party/dinner with friends afterwards, but I don't like crowds or attention!

by Anonymousreply 25April 16, 2023 11:19 AM

[quote] "I’m thinking along the same lines, [R20]: A simple ceremony of 30 minutes tops, without dramatic entrances or exits; followed by ab lovely dinner across the street. And that’s it! I’d rather spend thousands of euros on my honeymoon."

Exactly, R21! I'd either apply that money to a honeymoon, or a mortgage. I prefer a laid back atmosphere (with some sort of dress code, of course...). And with a smaller group, we'll be able to give our guests a higher quality experience. It's the way to go.

by Anonymousreply 26April 16, 2023 11:36 AM

What the hell kind of wedding lasts that long, OP, except certain religious/cultural ones such as Indian weddings which can last an entire weekend for attendees.

by Anonymousreply 27April 16, 2023 11:50 AM

I avoid these things. Weddings are nothing more than opportunities for frau gatherings, training frauinas (younger versions) to join their ranks. I've been to a few family weddings (years ago) that were above average but as others have indicated, it's nothing but a shit show for one particular female to be a diva for the day while the other females (including those in the bridal party) to look on and smile yet secretly seethe that it's not them getting the attention.

by Anonymousreply 28April 16, 2023 12:05 PM

R14 got lost on the way to the wedding, it appears.

by Anonymousreply 29April 16, 2023 12:14 PM

Oh God, there's one coming up in June, for our family to attend. Its an all day and half the night affair. I'm really not looking forward to going. Plus we have to travel to it. Shit.

by Anonymousreply 30April 16, 2023 12:27 PM

R30 Find the closest gay bar and escape as soon as dinner is over!

by Anonymousreply 31April 16, 2023 12:37 PM

The right way to do it is up the aisle, friend reads some Kahlil Gibran, clergyman has them repeat the vows, back down the aisle, and within 20 minutes from the opening organ blast everyone's on their way to dinner.

by Anonymousreply 32April 16, 2023 12:43 PM

The most important things at a straight wedding:

1. How the bride looks

2. Her dress ( although Randy would put it at #1)

3. The second and third bride's dresses

4. The theme and colors of the wedding, including flowers and decor

5. The quality of the food and the abundance of liquor

6. The size of the ring

7. The fact that two people are supposedly committing themselves to each other for life.

by Anonymousreply 33April 16, 2023 12:44 PM

R3 DL has taught me many valuable things over the years, and one of the best life hacks (sorry) is the ‘gift/donate and RSVP ‘No’ whenever possible’.

Am in my 30s now so ofc my entire peer group are giving marriage a go. It eliminates so much stress in my life to know ahead of time that I’m going to decline an invite, and save so much time and money and emotional bandwidth. I feel like it saves effort and cash for friends/people I know as well, as it means one less guest for whom to cater.

The only weddings I have been and still go to are for immediate family, and that’s only because it upsets my mother & grandmother if I don’t go to those, and the fallout from that would make my life hell.

by Anonymousreply 34April 16, 2023 1:02 PM

When did weddings become the bride's "special day" on which you cannot steal her "shine" - barf.

I remembers weddings used to be a huge party for family and friends to celebrate. Now, it's this stage show to showcase the bride in all her glory.

by Anonymousreply 35April 16, 2023 1:05 PM


by Anonymousreply 36April 16, 2023 1:11 PM


by Anonymousreply 37April 16, 2023 1:11 PM


by Anonymousreply 38April 16, 2023 1:12 PM

Exactly r34. I have no qualms about declining most invitations except for immediate family which at this point is my nieces and nephews. Not cousins’ kids. I am sure those invites are at their parents request but I know their kid doesn’t give a hoot if I am there or not.

by Anonymousreply 39April 16, 2023 1:16 PM

Anything longer than 20 minutes is an imposition. I only have one sister and her wedding was short and sweet. A hired universalist minister, vows repeated then party, party, party for 3 hours.

by Anonymousreply 40April 16, 2023 2:00 PM

Weddings have become such weird timesucks and money grabbing events.

I've been doing family tree research and found it refreshing to see articles where a young couple married in the house of someone of note in the city - a minister, the mayor, a fire chief - and then 20 or so guests were welcomed for a short meal.

Seems so much more reasonable than a bridezilla going into debt for a dress, or being one of those psychos who sends a mean note to people because their gift didn't equal what you spent for their dinner(s).

by Anonymousreply 41April 16, 2023 2:05 PM

Ugh, straight people.

by Anonymousreply 42April 16, 2023 2:12 PM

The best wedding I’ve ever been to was a surprise wedding my friends held in their backyard. The bride and groom invited a bunch of people to their house for a summer barbecue/new pool celebration, but when we got there we were told it was a wedding. The only people who knew were the bride’s best friend and the groom’s brother.

They had the chairs set up, the food was out, and we mingled for a half hour or so before the ceremony. The ceremony took about 20 minutes, then we all ate, drank, danced, swam, and had a great time. It was incredibly low key and fun. And as far as I’m concerned- a perfect wedding.

This was 16 years ago and the couple is still together.

by Anonymousreply 43April 16, 2023 2:18 PM

Weddings have evolved into an "event" to see whose is bigger and better. These couples would would be smarter to save their money for the eventual divorce.

by Anonymousreply 44April 16, 2023 2:24 PM

It's all about the bride (smaid).

The dresses are the most important thing....even more important than the hair.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 45April 16, 2023 3:06 PM

I agree with just declining, esp. if it’s a destination wedding.

by Anonymousreply 46April 16, 2023 3:58 PM

Attended a bar mitzvah for a close friend’s kid.

Two-hour service in the morning. Reception at noon. They didn’t do the cake until 4:45. !!! We were hostages the entire time.

I vowed never again, and we’ve stuck to that.

by Anonymousreply 47April 16, 2023 4:07 PM

R46 it was, indeed, a destination wedding. 2,5h by train + taxi, no way to simply call it a day and escape, staying over for two nights.

Never again, bitches. I'm exhausted.

by Anonymousreply 48April 16, 2023 9:02 PM

Last year, one of my old highschool friends, with whom I'm no longer in close contact and to whom barely speak (we haven't anything in common anymore tbh), invited me to her weekend-long wedding in Scotland (I live and work in Wales). Instead of explaining to her in detail that my finances can't stretch to that and I can't take that kind of time for travel etc., that I don't believe in marriage as an institution in our current-day society, and that I don't think it would have been appropriate for me to attend as I've never met her now-husband and don't know any of her friends or family besides her mother, I just sent a nice very brief 'thanks for thinking of me but no can do for reasons' email and asked to what charity I could send a donation as a gift. She sent a sweet and accepting if slightly disappointed email back, and that was that. Easier all round, no drama.

by Anonymousreply 49April 16, 2023 9:07 PM

Destination weddings are awful. I once pissed off the bride by skipping the ordained hotel and staying at a cheaper one up the road. I had to pay for a plane ticket and a rental car. Then I was expected to drive everyone around. Paying $250 a night for a middling hotel was off the table. The Marriott up the street was nicer and about $100 cheaper.

by Anonymousreply 50April 16, 2023 9:18 PM

it is dreadful when just regular people pretend that they are wealthy. Everything is horrible, even worse if there is bridezilla in the mix. Why don't people just save their money for their mortgage or rent? Maybe a nice honeymoon/vacation within the year?

by Anonymousreply 51April 16, 2023 9:22 PM

i am glad weddings are falling out of vogue. No one wants to come and deal with your family on their time off. Just use this money for yourself.

by Anonymousreply 52April 16, 2023 9:24 PM

As a single adult, I hate weddings. They are endless and boring affairs. A cousin got married last fall, thankfully my parents, brother, and I had planned an out of town trip for that weekend. We sent a card and gift. I’m sure they were happy to have 4 fewer people to have to cater.

by Anonymousreply 53April 16, 2023 9:29 PM

The worst part is having to pay for your travel, lodgings.. and then the gift! All that money wasted on an event you never really wanted to attend in the first place.

by Anonymousreply 54April 16, 2023 9:31 PM

R50 the bride was pissed you stayed at a different hotel? Did she have some backhander going on? Wtf? I hope you rubbed itching powder inside her overpriced gown

by Anonymousreply 55April 16, 2023 9:56 PM

R50 she wanted corral everyone in the same place, I guess. I didn’t even know her that well, I was friends with the groom. I really didn’t feel like being amongst the screeching bridesmaids. Oh and did I mention this was in Nashville? The boots. The hats. The horror.

by Anonymousreply 56April 17, 2023 12:16 AM

Oh, no. She wanted a break on her room. She promised the hotel she would sell X rooms for them and got a nice suite at a discounted rate.

by Anonymousreply 57April 17, 2023 1:37 AM

I was a wedding photographer for 20 years, and the town I live in was a wedding destination. I enjoyed many aspects of my job but thought the weddings themselves were ridiculous, for all of the reasons others have already listed. It still amazes me how many couples have the nerve to expect people to commit their time and money to attend their out of town wedding, and how many of those people actually do it.

When my husband and I got married we went to Europe, just the two of us, and had the most unforgettable day of our lives.

by Anonymousreply 58April 17, 2023 4:49 AM

For straight couples, it might be a reciprocation thing. You attend weddings with the anticipation of someday getting married, yourself. You then have a wedding and expect others to attend, give gifts.

by Anonymousreply 59April 17, 2023 4:54 AM

I used to work in a photo lab, so I've seen a lot of wedding photos. One that sticks out was a plus-sized woman in a strapless wedding dress which was not flattering. On her arm was a tattoo of a red cartoon devil.

by Anonymousreply 60April 17, 2023 5:00 AM

I would also like to share three examples that should serve as a warning for anyone considering committing to an out of town wedding:

Wedding #1: I call it The Pizza Hut Wedding. The couple clearly blew their wad on the ceremony, with a truly dazzling wedding gown, a spa and private parlor for the bride and bridesmaids, elaborate floral displays and decorations in the church. They then kept their guests waiting three hours while took pictures (their choice, not mine). When it came time for the reception, they served Pizza Hut - 50 boxes of pizza, cans of soda, paper plates and plastic forks. It was so insulting to the 200 people who spent an entire weekend and money on travel, hotel, rental cars and food, and no doubt came as a big shock to be served Pizza Hut after such an elaborate wedding.

Wedding #2: The Hysterical Bride. I've actually witnessed many of these, but one bride never came out of her room. She had her hair and makeup done 3 times, each time hysterically crying that it was all wrong. They had contracted me for 4 hours and I had told her several times that I was booked for another wedding that evening and couldn't stay beyond the 4 hours they booked, but there was no talking to her, she was hysterical and refused to get her emotions under control. 50 guests spent the entire afternoon waiting around for a bride who never showed, and the only pictures I took were of the groom and his family.

Wedding #3: The Family Feud. When I arrived at the church it was obvious there was a strange vibe unlike any I'd ever experienced. Turns out the groom had spent the previous night with his ex-girlfriend and stayed up all night doing coke. The bride found out about it and when they argued the morning of their wedding day he called her fat. He showed up looking disheveled, pale and smelly, and the bride told me she didn't want to be photographed below the neck. I explained that it was impossible to have wedding pics of her head only, but she was adamant. She didn't want any pics of her in her dress, no ring shots, nothing but her head. And the two families weren't speaking to each other. During the reception the bride's family and guests sat on one said of the room, the groom's family and guests on the other. There was no dancing, no celebrating (they cut the cake but I couldn't photograph her hands, only her head). It was the most ridiculous excuse for a wedding I've ever seen. And over 100 people came out of town for it.

by Anonymousreply 61April 17, 2023 5:13 AM

R61 awful, awful, awful. The fat bride story did make me laugh.

by Anonymousreply 62April 17, 2023 8:40 AM

Thank you R61 I really enjoyed those 😆

by Anonymousreply 63April 17, 2023 1:14 PM

Do marriage work, when there is a bridezella?

by Anonymousreply 64April 18, 2023 1:30 AM

I went to what was billed as “the first gay wedding in Connecticut.” Not sure if that was historically accurate but it was in early days when gay marriage was legal. It was a beautiful and tasteful affair but apparently both grooms were bridezillas. Luckily that wasn’t evident to the guests but I pity the event venue staff and service providers.

by Anonymousreply 65April 18, 2023 1:58 AM

I don’t want a wedding, I want a marriage.

by Anonymousreply 66April 18, 2023 1:59 AM

I’m encouraged to see the relatively homogenous hate of weddings here. I thought I was a strange holdout in the era of the big wedding. I find the whole process annoying bordering terrifying.

by Anonymousreply 67April 18, 2023 2:01 AM

I think big weddings are a pre-COVID thing, at least in the NYC Metro area.I know so many young couple who were planning the big traditional wedding and got shut down during COVID, which lasted three years here, they just went ahead and had small weddings. And then had more money to pay off student loans and put a down payment on a home. No one should go into debt for a party. The GoGo days are over.

by Anonymousreply 68April 18, 2023 2:29 AM

Big weddings are the reason behind the high divorce rate. Too much fantasy and then reality hits too hard.

by Anonymousreply 69April 18, 2023 2:31 AM

More wretched wedding stories, please! This thread is making me feel so good about skipping a wedding last July in Brooklyn. Her second. I’d already gone to the first. Enough already.

And I don’t want to be sweating in formal wear in the city when I can stay at home…where I live near the beach. Thanks, no thanks.

by Anonymousreply 70April 18, 2023 2:44 AM

Fifteen hours?

I didn't spend that much time with it on the day of my own wedding.

by Anonymousreply 71April 18, 2023 2:47 AM

Many years ago, I agreed (for the first and last time) to be in a friend's wedding party. The night before the wedding, the couple had a major blowout, tears were shed. I was at home relaxing when I got a phone call about all the drama.

Never again.

by Anonymousreply 72April 18, 2023 3:01 AM

The bigger the wedding, the faster the divorce.

by Anonymousreply 73April 18, 2023 3:10 AM

How much are you supposed to spend on a gift these days? Even worse is when they demand you provide them with money.

A destination wedding is a big fat no unless they are immediate family.

by Anonymousreply 74April 18, 2023 3:18 AM

R74 cash gift of $250 is the going rate for a singleton is expected in NYC area. $500 for a couple.

by Anonymousreply 75April 18, 2023 3:50 AM

That's a lot of money to demand R75.

by Anonymousreply 76April 18, 2023 3:59 AM

Earlier this year, I was invited (by a relative) to a destination wedding. I RSVP'd no and did not send a gift, either. I just got another wedding invitation (another relative). This one's not for a destination wedding, but it would involve travel for me, if I did attend.

Anyway, I plan to RSVP no and not send a gift. I actually like this 2nd person more than I like the 1st person I got the invitation from. However, I don't want to play favorites. It's the same level of consanguinity for both inviters. So, I can't justify treating them differently.

I'm just tired of giving gifts all the time.

by Anonymousreply 77April 18, 2023 4:06 AM

R76 it’s not a demand but an expectation. I feel much better about declining and sending a tasteful gift that costs around $100:

by Anonymousreply 78April 18, 2023 4:17 AM

Weddings have become a circular 'payback' - all the weddings other people are forced to go to, they then expect you to come to yours and pay back all the money they've spent on others.

Of course gays were excluded from this payback up until recently and STILL are in many ways. Gay weddings are just not large affairs - and many families don't consider them as important.

It's hard to be excited about a celebration for others that you'll never receive in return. It's rare that gays EVER receive the same warmth and treatment for their own life milestones.

For the majority of us, we're second-class family members. That's just a fact, but none of the straight family members recognize that.

by Anonymousreply 79April 18, 2023 4:29 AM

1) Frau #1: I knew a frau in school who booked a big destination wedding at a Sandals Resort in the Caribbean. $2k+ per person. She complained that some of her cousins only put $50 in the gift envelopes. On top of that when they got home she had an additional party/reception for friends and family who couldnt make it to the wedding. I declined both invites.

2) Frau #2: At my last workplace about 2-3 months after I started working there a frau colleague asked me to come to her engagement party. She was engaged to a much younger Mexican guy. I assume he was looking for a green card. I declined as I didnt know her or her friends, plus I actually had a close friends birthday that same weekend and said it would run late. She got pissed off and insisted that I "show up after midnight". I declined and gave a small gift. I spent the next year at work listening to her bitch about how her older sister was getting married before her, she didnt want to attend that wedding, how selfish sister was etc.

3) White trash wedding: another friend from school had a low-key wedding in her backyard. Some of the bridesmaids didnt try the dresses they bought on before the big day causing then to show up with ill fitting dresses that werent tailored. The photographer was some uncle who didnt have professional equipment, just took photos in the nearby park with a regular small digital camera. They hired a catering company who only sent one poor chef to prepare all the food for 100 guests in her tiny kitchen. A few drunk guests were upset that the food was taking so long and started cursing at the chef, breaking beer bottles around the backyard etc. The only fortunate thing was that it was in May in Canada and freezing outside so most guests left early.

by Anonymousreply 80April 18, 2023 12:45 PM

Yeah, yeah, I know from posting this in previous threads that it’s a matter for some to tsk, tsk, but it’s true and correct:

Presenting a gift to the wedding couple is entirely optional on the part of the guest.

There is no breach of etiquette if a guest does not send a gift or bring one to the wedding.

And that’s true even, if as Guest, you drink copious amounts of liquor at an open bar and eat like a truck driver bellying up yo the trough at the road side Heart Platter.

If I decide to attend a wedding, I give cash because it’s always the right size and the right color, but a gift is not, under rules of etiquette, required.

After all, Wedding Couple, what are you hosting? An event? Or, a shakedown?

by Anonymousreply 81April 18, 2023 5:07 PM

Hearty Platter^

by Anonymousreply 82April 18, 2023 5:08 PM

[quote]For straight couples, it might be a reciprocation thing. You attend weddings with the anticipation of someday getting married, yourself. You then have a wedding and expect others to attend, give gifts.

One of the few times that Sex and the City got it right was when Carrie got her shoes stolen at her friend's baby shower, and she complained about having to fund her friend's "lifestyle" choices with engagement parties, bridal shower, bachelorette parties, wedding, baby shower(s), and infant birthday parties.

by Anonymousreply 83April 18, 2023 5:42 PM

If you make people miserable at your engagement and wedding, you are a bad person. If these people were more low key and happy to have friends and family, they would probably get some nice gifts, even from ones that cannot attend. Insanity and anger is harder to process. You have to figure out these people. Then, you realize, just stay away. AND...No gift for you.

by Anonymousreply 84April 19, 2023 12:45 AM

If you make people miserable at your engagement and wedding, you are a bad person. If these people were more low key and happy to have friends and family, they would probably get some nice gifts, even from ones that cannot attend. Insanity and anger is harder to process. You have to figure out these people. Then, you realize, just stay away. AND...No gift for you.

by Anonymousreply 85April 19, 2023 12:45 AM

Good Thread. Having a look back at weddings, I have notice this. You never get anything back from bad people/bridezillas, even if you spent a lot on the gifts. They will never gift you anything for any of your rites of passages or achievements. They are always horrible. This is the sign. I would not spend that much money on gifts for weddings. Also, Bridezillas come from bad parents/families. People need to get their shit together.

by Anonymousreply 86April 19, 2023 12:52 AM

Yeah, I feel like I've had different rites of passage (e.g., professional college degree) that friends didn't recognize. Yet, I get sent announcements and invitations for every damn thing. I don't even have a lot of money, but I think friends consider me to be some type of "money-bags" because I don't have kids. I'm tired of always doling out gifts (usually money) for relationships that have become tenuous and streeeetched over the years (hardly hear from these people except for announcements and invitations re: their milestones).

by Anonymousreply 87April 19, 2023 2:06 AM

Reading your horror stories I am glad to report that both groom and bride of last weekend's wedding are some of the sweetest, relaxed people you can imagine.

But you bitches did inspire me to draw up a new rule: No more out-of-town weddings. I want to be able to come and go as I please.

The last two weddings were in remote locations far away from home, and they dragged on for too long as I couldn't really leave. The wedding before that was a gay couple's wedding, a modest affair. Quick but lovely ceremony (about 30 minutes) and then dinner in a nice, no-fuzz restaurant.

Do keep your terrible wedding stories coming!

by Anonymousreply 88April 19, 2023 7:36 AM

I like the old Southern tradition of evening weddings. It's very civilized. Ceremony at 6:30 or 7, followed by reception dinner. Guests start leaving by 10:30 or so, especially older people. No one thinks this is odd; after all, they're old. Thus, you can make your escape with the old folks. The whole thing's over in 4 hours or so if you want it to be. (Or you can stay on into the early morning hours if you want to do that. The point is, because everything starts late, you don't have to stay long unless you want to.)

The most elegant wedding event I ever saw was an evening wedding reception at the Hyatt in New Orleans about 20 years ago. I was staying at the hotel (not a wedding guest), so I only saw bits and pieces. The men in the wedding party wore white tie. Proper white tie, not some bizarre modern "innovation". The bridesmaids wore pale sheath evening dresses that they could certainly wear for another occasion. Many of the male guests were in black tie. It was quite a spectacle in a good way.)

By the way, I am aware that if this had been truly an old-money crowd – which New Orleans is certainly supplied with – they would likely not have had the reception at the Hyatt. These people may have been new money, but they were carrying it off very well.

by Anonymousreply 89April 19, 2023 9:00 AM

R81, you’re technically correct. Gifts are never required; if they were required, they wouldn’t be gifts. From your phrasing, however, I think you’re aware that it would be odd and in bad taste to go to a wedding reception without having sent a gift (or made a donation or whatever the couple requested). On the other hand, gifts should be what you can afford and feel is appropriate, not what you think they expect of you. $250 seems like too much for guests who are not family or close friends.

by Anonymousreply 90April 19, 2023 9:05 AM

yeah, do not go to a destination wedding, unless you want to go to the destination of your vacation. It is okay to swing in on the reception for a bit. Just say you have other plans because you are on vacation.

by Anonymousreply 91April 19, 2023 9:07 AM

I am really liking this wedding trend: having the reception on a different day then your wedding ceremony or more than one smaller receptions.

by Anonymousreply 92April 19, 2023 9:09 AM

OP....and you didn't anticipate this?

by Anonymousreply 93April 19, 2023 9:12 AM

Op, this is a good thread.

by Anonymousreply 94April 19, 2023 9:14 AM

I didn't anticipate it was going to be this dreadful, cunt R93. Since you seem to have a crystal ball in your possession, could you share next week's winning lottery numbers with us? TIA.

by Anonymousreply 95April 19, 2023 9:31 AM

R95, can't do that, but I CAN tell you that the next wedding you're invited to will include a list of events associated with the wedding. If it's possible for you, do the math, fag.

by Anonymousreply 96April 19, 2023 9:48 AM

If you don’t go to other people’s funerals, they won’t bother coming to yours

by Anonymousreply 97April 19, 2023 9:49 AM

OP, I'm sure the folks getting married loved having your sour puss there, and appreciated your "vanilla cupcake" wedding gift from Yankee Candle.

by Anonymousreply 98April 19, 2023 9:52 AM


R93 = R96 = R98.

Posing as various posters attacking me, when it's clearly one unhinged troll.

by Anonymousreply 99April 19, 2023 9:54 AM

Speaking of lists of events, why would a guest feel obliged to do anything but go to the ceremony and the reception, which you can leave shortly after dinner? I'm curious because I've heard similar complaints from others, and I always wonder why they don't just make up an excuse not to show up until showtime at the church, or wherever the ceremony is.

This would be impossible at an out-of-town so-called destination wedding, but if you go to one of those, you probably know what you're in for. If the wedding is local or in a regular city (not a "destination") you have to travel to, can't you just say you won't be able to get there until 4, or whenever the ceremony is?

(OP, this is not a criticism of you; thank you for starting this interesting topic. I'm just thinking that so many people seem to hate this nonsense and perhaps could refuse to go along with more than the traditional wedding + reception.)

by Anonymousreply 100April 19, 2023 10:04 AM

Weddings and funerals.

When I was kid, we lived on a block that had a Catholic Church on the corner. It, also, of course, had a loud bells sound system, the kind that could be heard for many blocks.

Gong.......Gong.......Gong for a funeral, Ding!, Ding! Ding! for a wedding.

"That should be the other way around," my Mom remarked one day.

by Anonymousreply 101April 19, 2023 11:30 AM

I like the wedding trend of having a few witnesses/family at your wedding ceremony, then a fun reception. The reception on another day, when you are happy and not stressed out.

by Anonymousreply 102April 20, 2023 12:36 AM

R102 that sounds sane, to me

by Anonymousreply 103April 20, 2023 6:37 AM

[quote] Posing as various posters attacking me, when it's clearly one unhinged troll.

You've got issues, ladybird. I posted multiple comments, which isn't the same as "posing as various posters". Am I supposed to alert you to the fact that I previously posted? You didn't.

I called you a dope for not anticipating how much time such events take up - and you called me a cunt. You're the unhinged one. Move on, cunt.

by Anonymousreply 104April 20, 2023 8:15 AM

This is my thread, so no, I shan't move on, Poo Shoes.

by Anonymousreply 105April 20, 2023 9:06 AM

Well your thread sucks (as did your wedding gift) and it's clear that you are a lousy friend. I hope they find out how much you detested those "silly rituals" of theirs, and what a waste of time it was.

They must have held a gun to your head to force your attendance.

by Anonymousreply 106April 20, 2023 9:31 AM

Tell me, R106 — Why are you so triggered by this thread, and all the many comments, not just mine, agreeing with the overall sentiment that destination weddings suck?

by Anonymousreply 107April 20, 2023 11:12 AM

A bonus of living thousands of miles from most of your family is no one expects you to attend weddings, but they still hit you up for a gift. I’ve learned my lesson on the gift as well. I bought my nephew and his wife one of the more expensive things on their registry as I wasn’t attending in person, and it was much less than I would have spent on airfare and travel expenses. From my point of view, I was getting off cheap. However, I heard through the grapevine, that it caused drama because it upset some kind of expected gift hierarchy because it was more than what other closer relatives gave. Never again. From that point, I always buy the most innocuous and forgettable gift on the registry like pillow cases, mixing bowls, or something.

by Anonymousreply 108April 20, 2023 11:29 AM

Your life sounds like hell R80. That's scary stuff.

by Anonymousreply 109April 20, 2023 1:27 PM

R108, you're a moron. If your nephew and his wife were grateful for your gift, who cares what anyone else thinks of it. Instead, you decided to cave to mere gossip and insult future family and friends with crappy gifts. Are you still in high school?

by Anonymousreply 110May 13, 2023 9:13 AM

OP, always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

by Anonymousreply 111May 13, 2023 9:17 AM

Make Brides Magazine illegal like fentanyl

by Anonymousreply 112May 15, 2023 9:58 AM

OP's wedding gift to the happy couple was a gift certificate to Bed, Bath & Beyond.

by Anonymousreply 113May 17, 2023 7:33 AM

As you get older, you realize that you can just decline a lot of invitations.

by Anonymousreply 114May 18, 2023 11:38 PM

Everything is infantilized.

by Anonymousreply 115May 18, 2023 11:50 PM

At a summer outdoor wedding last, which was held next to a swimming pool, the inevitable happened. The groom and his groomsmen jumped into the pool fully clothed. Then most of the male guests and a few women jumped in as well. We're talking neckties, bowties, crisp shirts, shiny dress shoes, even sports coats. Eventually I joined them. My tie was old, so I wasn't bothered by it. The shirt, pants and shoes dried as if nothing had happened to them. It was fun. I got to see quite a few male nipples under wet shirts, as well. If the opportunity presents itself, I'll probably do it again.

by Anonymousreply 116May 19, 2023 12:01 AM

I don't respect people who have huge weddings that carry on forever and string together 100s of little traditions and "moments" borrowed from every other respectable wedding they and their wedding committee could think of on the two years of preparation.

Really, I don't care if it's expensive buy keep some elements of simplicity to it. Select. Pare it down to what's important.

I went to a big, expensive wedding recently of 400 people.It started inside at a small church that could hold only 50 so the great bulk of the guests went directly to the reception and it unfolded very naturally over 24 hours. For all the expense and orchestration it was lovely, everything seemed to flow naturally, never a need for announcements about what happens next or herding of guests from one place to another. It never felt forced, there were remarkably few cheesy traditions woven into it. Clearly they they thought to make something nice for the guests not just use them as puppets in a series of increasingly bizarre tableaux.

I had a great time and was glad to be there, but I could never do something so big and complex and expensive, no matter how easily it seemed to come off.

by Anonymousreply 117May 19, 2023 12:47 AM

I liked my friend’s wedding. Had the ceremony in the hall at 5. Ate from 6-7. A few speeches and cocktails. Music around 8:30 til midnight or so. Only about 100 guests. It was a nice, intimate party. Relaxed dress code. All my friend and her hubby wanted was a fun party.

by Anonymousreply 118May 19, 2023 12:52 AM

You have a wedding ceremony. You have a reception. What more is there to do? When and why did all these other activities involving guests arise? Rehearsal dinners and the like have been around forever, but they only involve the families and the bridal party.

by Anonymousreply 119May 19, 2023 11:22 AM

If you do not have the social skills to host people at a wedding and reception, just keep it small. Spend the money on something nice for yourselves, the wedding couple. Like two vacations. Large weddings suck, lots of problems. I think so many people bitch because it is an insane amount of money to spend. No one really has fun. If this is you, have a vacation. Spend the money on yourself.

by Anonymousreply 120May 19, 2023 12:02 PM

It is too much.

by Anonymousreply 121May 19, 2023 12:24 PM

Can't sleep. More please. The uglier the better.

by Anonymousreply 122May 25, 2023 12:18 PM

I can't stand weddings. I was a groomsman in so many weddings in my twenties. From a Southern society background so the weddings were big. Luckily most everyone is Episcopalian so the services were short and sweet. I just got tired of standing around the receptions in white or black tie in the summer heat. Plus these days, I hate small talk and would rather be at home with my partner and our dog. All that bs exhausts me.

by Anonymousreply 123May 25, 2023 2:28 PM

You can always leave early.

by Anonymousreply 124May 25, 2023 2:56 PM

It's always a genuine surprise if I don't have a wedding.

Funerals on the other hand...

by Anonymousreply 125May 25, 2023 3:55 PM

I really miss the Covid shutdown sometimes. It was the perfect, inarguable excuse to avoid weddings, funerals, holiday gatherings, and every other social event I didn't want to attend.

by Anonymousreply 126May 25, 2023 5:53 PM

The best wedding I ever attended was short and sweet. The couple had a brief church ceremony, then in place of a receiving line the couple went along the pews and greeted each guest. Very efficient. We were out of there in less than 25 minutes.

by Anonymousreply 127May 25, 2023 7:33 PM

the bride and groom used to leave at reception fairly early in the olden days

by Anonymousreply 128May 25, 2023 9:18 PM

These things are what illegal industrial grade pharmaceuticals were invented for.

by Anonymousreply 129May 25, 2023 9:21 PM

R128 Because the groom was ready to do some fucking. A lot of women were virgins when they married. Can you imagine?

by Anonymousreply 130May 26, 2023 5:09 PM
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