Hello and thank you for being a DL contributor. We are changing the login scheme for contributors for simpler login and to better support using multiple devices. Please click here to update your account with a username and password.

Hello. Some features on this site require registration. Please click here to register for free.

Hello and thank you for registering. Please complete the process by verifying your email address. If you can't find the email you can resend it here.

Hello. Some features on this site require a subscription. Please click here to get full access and no ads for $1.99 or less per month.

Topping Blues

Hey guys! I'm a top and I've had issues topping ever since I lost my virginity and fucked my first twink back in college a few years ago. I can get an erection, but I don't have "the motion of the ocean" to really please myself or the bottom. Even after practicing a couple of times a year since. I also can't finish without using my hands. I often lose my erection inside of a guys mouth or ass and I have to jerk it to get hard again. I don't really feel that much stimulation in my dick from blowjobs or fucking. The bottoms usually get pissed off, because they think that I'm not physically attracted to them. My poor performance during sex is to blame for two of my relationships ending (although they were only a few months long).

by Anonymousreply 66November 17, 2023 7:42 PM

This boy is a ....

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 1April 9, 2023 5:50 AM

[quote] "back in college a few years ago"

I'll never tire of DL humor!

by Anonymousreply 2April 9, 2023 5:52 AM

If you are on antidepressants, some can hinder orgasm & cause erectile dysfunction.

by Anonymousreply 3April 9, 2023 6:14 AM

R1 Well I've been with guys who are more dominant. Like they pin me to the bed when we made out and it always made me feel squeamish and uncomfortable. Also I have IBD, so my hole skin is very rough and tough despite never taking a dick. I have no flexibility and I get diarrhea every other day, so I really wouldn't make a good bottom.

R3 I was on antidepressents for 3 years, and even after a year off nothing has changed. I also started antidepressants at the time I lost my virginity, so this might be a me issue. I have no problem keeping an erection and cumming quickly while masturbating, but I have these issues during sex.

by Anonymousreply 4April 9, 2023 6:18 AM

OP is clearly a latinx bottom. You need to lie down on the busiest freeway you can find.

by Anonymousreply 5April 9, 2023 6:20 AM

R5 Terrible advice. He can stand up if he wants.

by Anonymousreply 6April 9, 2023 6:24 AM

Another day, another lame EST.

by Anonymousreply 7April 9, 2023 7:35 AM

OP is a gay Woody Allen.

by Anonymousreply 8April 9, 2023 7:52 AM

[quote]I was on antidepressents for 3 years

That'll do it.

by Anonymousreply 9April 9, 2023 3:29 PM

There's a pill that will help you stay hard.

by Anonymousreply 10April 9, 2023 3:56 PM

Try Viagra. Sure it'll give you a massive migraine for hours, and you won't feel well for the next day, but you'll be able to stay pretty hard.

by Anonymousreply 11April 9, 2023 3:59 PM

May I suggest trips to a gay psychologist? He'll understand and you won't be embarrassed.

by Anonymousreply 12April 9, 2023 4:18 PM

If you can’t get hard or stay hard, you aren’t a “Top”, dearie.

by Anonymousreply 13April 9, 2023 4:23 PM

R11 I get no migraine, it's like being fourteen again.

by Anonymousreply 14April 9, 2023 4:24 PM

Totally opposite problem for me is I can’t bottom. I’ve practiced playing back there and I can get something up there but I don’t feel anything pleasurable. Just nothing. I had one experience in my life where I had someone stimulate me in a way that me understand what it’s supposed to feel like and understand why people bottom. I’ve not been able recreate that though and I’m jealous of guys who can hop on a dick like it’s nothing. Feel like I’m missing out. Topping is easy, and you can use Viagra for performance anxiety.

by Anonymousreply 15April 9, 2023 4:37 PM

Stop pretending you are a top. You are not.

by Anonymousreply 16April 9, 2023 5:16 PM

I'd recommend a few weeks at Cascade.

by Anonymousreply 17April 9, 2023 5:17 PM

R15 if you were ever curious or longing to bottom again, I’ve heard excellent testimonials about the Aneros when it comes to learning prostate play and relaxing into it.

by Anonymousreply 18April 9, 2023 8:55 PM

Viagra or (preferred) Cialis are not only for Erectile Dysfunction. Because of the increased blood flow they proved to the targeted region - they naturally increase sensitivity and pleasure from fucking. Or masturbating. Or bed humping. I'm not impotent but use them for marathon fuck sessions. Any cock can lose strength from A continuous thrusting motion. Sometimes fucking a too tight or too loose hole gives the wrong message to the DICK. Try Cialis and see how hard you get and stay with NO partner. It's a confidence builder. Headaches for some, stuffy nose for others or a delayed sore back are the common side effects. The blood flow has been rerouted. For many people no side effects or none worth giving up FUCKING for. Warning : No poppers on these drugs. Already enough vasodialation going on. Hence the headache etc.

Also, see a chiropractor or work on opening up your spine through other means, like yoga or stretching. The nerves can get compressed back there. Most important - Cardio.

I ONLY top and I ain't stopping. When my topping era is over, I am going to use my MITTS.

by Anonymousreply 19April 9, 2023 9:09 PM

OP you literally don't have to do anal or penetrative sex at all. Perhaps it does nothing for you either way. Have you tried intercrural, or frot, or other side activities?

by Anonymousreply 20April 10, 2023 12:48 AM

Same here OP. And Viagra gives me horrible congestion for 24+ hours. Thankfully I’m entering a zone where sex is less important to me - I’m tired of trying to fix it and I’m happy just wanking off. The porn type fantasies just ain’t gonna happen I’m afraid.

by Anonymousreply 21April 10, 2023 2:51 AM

I love frot. So hot.

by Anonymousreply 22April 10, 2023 3:13 AM

Frotting is for teenagers and perverts. You can frot your mattress.

FUCKING is what REAL gay MEN do. Datalounge has a lot of gloryhole type ugly/old incels. Fantasizing about touching bodies and never getting close.

by Anonymousreply 23April 10, 2023 3:22 AM

OP sounds like the most bottomy bottom I've ever heard.

by Anonymousreply 24April 10, 2023 3:24 AM

R20 "literally"

Good grief

by Anonymousreply 25April 10, 2023 3:26 AM

I did some more looking, and I found something that really fits what I'm going through. It's called "Death Grip Syndrome". I'm going to try some of the suggestions in the article and hopefully it helps. I only masturbate once or twice a week, but maybe I have gotten too used to my own grip and it's strength. And to everyone who says I'm a bottom, if I was a bottom, I wouldn't have any shame about it. But one of my favorite feelings is when I see a man on a bed face down, ass up with his lubed up ass waiting for me. So I'm pretty sure I'm a top. Also I've done frotting, and it's hot for a while, especially as foreplay. But I can't imagine doing it longer than a minute or too.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 26April 10, 2023 4:01 AM

Get a cock ring. Then use it.

by Anonymousreply 27April 10, 2023 4:07 AM

Stop pretending you’re gay.

It will get better.

by Anonymousreply 28April 10, 2023 4:34 AM

^^^not on Make Love in a Gay Style Monday!!!!!!

[quote] But you just can't fake being gay. You know, if you're gonna claim that you're gay, you're gonna have to make love in gay style, and most of these kids just aren’t gonna make it.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 29April 10, 2023 2:59 PM

For those who get horrible side effects from Viagra, (like headaches, sinuses): you have to play with the dose to find just the right amount. Take a full pull and slice it in quarters: if it doesn't help you to get hard, then try the half; If you get an erection but also get a headache and/or sinuses, but that in half and try again. At some point, you'll find just the right amount that gives you the hardness you need without the side effects.

by Anonymousreply 30April 10, 2023 8:01 PM

^^^ "cut", not "but"

I am presently 58 years old. When I tried Viagra for the first time many years ago, I took 1/2. I was walking around with a 3rd leg for two days, but my sinuses got stuffed up and I had a headache so bad I thought my head would explode off my body.

The next time I tried it, I just took a small bite. It worked extremely well without side effects.

These days, I find I have to splice the pill in quarters and take 3 of the 4 to get what I need without the side effects.

Hope this info helps.

by Anonymousreply 31April 10, 2023 8:06 PM

There’s nothing more useless than a top with ED.

by Anonymousreply 32April 10, 2023 8:07 PM

Any top man is in demand much longer than an OLD ASS bottom over 35. FACTS.

A bottom who hasn't found a partner by 28 years old - will always be alone.

by Anonymousreply 33April 10, 2023 9:22 PM

OP have you tried edging before sex, to get in the zone? Or even edging over a longer term, just to practise staying hard?

by Anonymousreply 34April 10, 2023 9:23 PM

[quote]A bottom who hasn't found a partner by 28 years old - will always be alone.

I was 31 when I met my partner, you ignorant cunt!

by Anonymousreply 35April 10, 2023 10:45 PM

When you say marathon sessions on dick pills, how many times do you come? Typically.

by Anonymousreply 36April 11, 2023 12:43 AM

R34 I have tried edging, but it doesn't really work. I think if I masturbate less and I use lube every time and maybe use a fleshjack instead of my hands, i'll get better. I'll try viagra as well as insurance if those methods don't work. IDK I feel bad having to use viagra at 24

by Anonymousreply 37April 11, 2023 3:17 AM

R15 u hate bottoming and only want to top? Sweet! can I get ur number?

by Anonymousreply 38April 11, 2023 4:29 AM

Something I always wanted to ask, but didn't know to whom: after taking viagra and then coming, does your dick continue hard?

by Anonymousreply 39April 12, 2023 12:38 AM

R39 It remains fluffed more than normal, but not hard.

by Anonymousreply 40April 12, 2023 12:41 AM

so do you continue to fuck after that? or do you wait until you get hard?

by Anonymousreply 41April 12, 2023 7:18 PM

Oh wow

by Anonymousreply 42April 15, 2023 1:01 PM

If you have a huge dong, OP, get caverjet. Don't waste big dong.

by Anonymousreply 43April 15, 2023 1:08 PM

r15 one method that may prove easier is laying on your side, slightly on your stomach or possibly supported by pillow, one leg spread further than the other as if your body was in transition to rolling over onto your stomach while your top remains vertical leaning over your body.

You may also explore adaptive sexual positions for those with spinal injuries (really, disability as a whole.. but you'll find more graphic references and videos looking up sexual positions for spinal injuries)

in addition, there's a wide variety of sexual furniture and pillows that may also prove supportive.. and slings have gained popularity to this extent as well.

no one position works for everyone.

And some people just aren't built for anal.. there are ways to make it easier to grin and bear it but it often involves more prep work and time than a standard hookup allows. Most people don't want to invest either if there's no guarantee of getting laid or it being the immediate activity on the menu.

by Anonymousreply 44April 15, 2023 1:16 PM

I had ChatGPT write a song called “Topping Blues”

Verse 1:

Well, he's a top in every way,

But he's got a problem that won't go away,

When he's with his man and they start to play,

He can't keep his erection without some self-betray.


Oh, he's a gay guy who's a top,

But he can't keep it up without a little pop,

He tries to hide it, but he can't stop,

He's got to jerk it off, to get back on top.

Verse 2:

He's tried everything, from pills to creams,

But nothing works, it's not what it seems,

He's embarrassed and he feels obscene,

It's not like the movies, where it's always a dream.


Verse 3:

He's talked to doctors and his therapist too,

But they just tell him what he already knew,

That it's all in his head, and he's feeling blue,

He wishes he could just feel normal like me and you.


Verse 4:

Now he's learned to accept it and be okay,

It doesn't define him, it's just the way,

He's found a partner who loves him anyway,

They make it work, and they don't need to play.


by Anonymousreply 45April 15, 2023 1:50 PM

You could also try testosterone injections, OP. I hear they work. Though you may also go off on someone unpredictably at work and stab them in the eye with a pencil.

by Anonymousreply 46April 15, 2023 11:00 PM

If you don’t jerk off/cum for several days, topping will be much easier and you will eventually fight the right partner and rhythm so you can reach ejaculation through penetrative sex. The not jerking off/cumming for several days in order to build up your libido is the secret.

by Anonymousreply 47April 15, 2023 11:10 PM

I agree with R47.

by Anonymousreply 48April 16, 2023 12:22 AM

Are you circumcised? If so you might wanna look into foreskin restoration.

by Anonymousreply 49April 16, 2023 12:28 AM

OP - You need a fluffier on standby.

by Anonymousreply 50April 16, 2023 12:36 AM

Duct tape your dick to a thick carrot and go to town!

by Anonymousreply 51April 16, 2023 12:42 AM

here's a question, a very drunk guy in his mid 50s, assuming he takes dick pill, can his dick still work when he's very drunk?

by Anonymousreply 52April 27, 2023 2:25 PM

You are disassociated from intimacy. In short, you think too much about it. You don't have a physical issue since you can get an erection and perform somewhat. My guess would be you think too much about it while in it so to speak. You create so much anxiety you lose your erection. You also could be watching too much porn?

by Anonymousreply 53April 27, 2023 3:02 PM

[Quote]Frotting is for teenagers and perverts. You can frot your mattress.

[Quote]FUCKING is what REAL gay MEN do. Datalounge has a lot of gloryhole type ugly/old incels. Fantasizing about touching bodies and never getting close.

Funny how all the "sex-positive" sluts get their panties in a twist when they're called out and "slut shamed" but have no problems shaming individuals who prefer other activities than anal.

by Anonymousreply 54April 27, 2023 4:24 PM

Anal sex is gross. Just stop trying.

by Anonymousreply 55April 27, 2023 6:12 PM

no seriously, i want to know. can your dick work if you're very, very drunk. esp if this is a man in his 50s, assuming he's on dick pills.

by Anonymousreply 56April 27, 2023 7:11 PM

A "top" on anti-depressants.

What a dick wilter that is.

by Anonymousreply 57April 27, 2023 7:15 PM

There's a type that's now recognised other than Top and bottom...it's called Side. (Think if the top, the bottom of a box and now the Side!!!! That's the thinking behind this). It means you're not into anal. I'd much rather kissing and lots of foreplay than f***ing. Maybe you are a SIDE.

by Anonymousreply 58April 27, 2023 7:22 PM

what's the latest? any updates?

by Anonymousreply 59May 3, 2023 10:59 PM

how long do you fuck before your hole is too lose?

by Anonymousreply 60November 17, 2023 5:18 PM

OP, maybe you’re watching too much porn.

by Anonymousreply 61November 17, 2023 6:19 PM

Butt sex is overrated. No thanks.

by Anonymousreply 62November 17, 2023 6:24 PM

You are showing signs of desensitization to sex. Most likely you watch porn masturbate and come fairly fast. I would assume you also have a particular genre of porn you like you so fetishize those types of situations. It's pretty common actually. You can get turned on, you can get hard but lose "interest" or stimulation part of the way through. Your mind will wander, you wonder why you are not cumming like you do when you watch porn. You take yourself out of the moment. It sounds all psychological. Try this. No porn, no masturbateing for two weeks. Even if you have a steel hard borner begging to be stroked just say no. Same with Porn. If you have a partner or fuck buddy you plan to hook up with, start to fantasize about them in the two weeks. Put them center in all of your sexual thoughts but again don't masturbate. I guarantee you will be hard the full-time and cum more than you thought you ever could when you do finally hook up.

by Anonymousreply 63November 17, 2023 6:48 PM

are you kidding? Anal sex is awesome!

by Anonymousreply 64November 17, 2023 6:49 PM

OP, I think you’re a side.

And there’s nothing wrong with that.

by Anonymousreply 65November 17, 2023 6:54 PM

Here on DL, Dan Savage catches some flak, but he's the brains behind the catchy term "Death Grip Syndrome." If you go through his column's archives, you'll find that many guys have the same problem, and he offers good advice. Also, within the pointless bitchery on this thread, there's some solid advice too.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 66November 17, 2023 7:42 PM
Need more help? Click Here.

Yes indeed, we too use "cookies." Take a look at our privacy/terms or if you just want to see the damn site without all this bureaucratic nonsense, click ACCEPT. Otherwise, you'll just have to find some other site for your pointless bitchery needs.


Become a contributor - post when you want with no ads!