I’m in my early 30s and I’d rather jack off than hookup.

I suppose actual relationships are off the menu?

Then you better do something about it pronto, dude. Get help. Get counseling, Get high. Get a whore. Do Something!

You gotta long life ahead of misery if you don't.

R2, what are you telling him to do something about? I don't see a problem.

I don't blame you, OP. Honestly. That said, it's the general physical contact that I enjoy most in those encounters. Not the sexual act(s).

I'd rather jack than Fleetwood Mac

I guess be open to a relationship then. Maybe that would be satisfying.

OP, you've stumbled upon an inconvenient truth about gay sex.

It's so much easier, and often more satisfying to do it by yourself.

Making initial contact with someone, going through the hassles and games, often to have it not work out.

And all for what? An encounter that may or may not even be satisfying, lasting just a few minutes.

Forget it.

Personally, I've got a great stash of porn videos online, and a great imagination.

Plus, at least in porn videos, you can download the "partner of your dreams," and just fantasize about that while you jerk it.

It's definitely better than sex.

Me too. I don't have to worry about my electronics disappearing.

Here is my throwback response

TMI

R9 TMI means you should excuse yourself from the conversation and let the adults talk.

[quote] I’m in my early 30s and I’d rather jack off than hookup.

It's good for your self-esteem, because you'll never have to deal with rejection or judgment.

No Grindr, no bars, no getting ready and "prepping," no haircut, no shaving, and you don't even have to take a shower beforehand.

And on top of that, think of all the time and money you'll save!

When it's over, you can eat a bowl of ice cream and watch TV.

For me the thrill of someone agreeing to hook up is enough for me. Then I just jack off and ghost them. I just need to know I'm wanted.

My last few experiences weren’t that great either. Had a streak of bad luck with bad breath.

Welcome to Act ll

R14 Act II, they usually get off in 10 minutes and unfortunately have a refractory period. Rest assured, I usually don’t have one.

R12, OP is not pathetic. OP is actually reasonable. You, however, R12, are pathetic.

R16 I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd actually drive to that Arby's parking lot.

Me too. We’re even the same age group. After I admitted this to myself and got off #TheApps so much pressure and anxiety went away that I was able to stop drinking and drugging (for the most part) Maybe I just haven’t had sex the right way, but as it stands I definitely enjoy it more by myself.

Your in early 30’s and you hang on DL-get a life!

Apps suck and are so frustrating.....jacking off alone is definitely preferable, I get it.

I miss my old cruising days. It wasn't even about hooking up - I could just jack off with someone if the right guy was there at the cruising spot. But now negotiating a hookup on an app has more back and forth/negotiations than the DMV and filling out a tax return combined.

You sound like your tired of the disappointment of casual sex. Time for a real relationship.

[quote] negotiating a hookup on an app has more back and forth/negotiations than the DMV and filling out a tax return combined

ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY!

This is precisely why I gave up on "dating" apps.

The negotiating is exhausting, as if you're going through a job interview.

Fuck that. I've had sufficient.

Gays are far too picky nowdays.

They all want a 10, but they look like a 4 or 5.

No thank you!

R20 and R22, I wholeheartedly agree. I also find it frustrating that so many guys these days can't be bothered to fill out their profiles -- they message you saying they like YOUR profile but when you open theirs, all it says is "bottom" (or top or vers, whichever the case may be) and that's it. I realize it's asking a lot but think if more of them would take the time to provide a bit more details upfront, it would help cut down on all the negotiating.

I’ve never used a hook up and likely never will. I abhor intimacy and despise the need for intimacy.

R12 you are the problem.

R23 That also bothers me a lot! So many morons online without any pics in their profile, yet mine is packed with lots of pictures and that already feels like such an unfair start.

Finally fed up with it, I took all of my pics off and am now just one of the many anonymous profiles online. Yay….

I'm in my mid 40s and have totally stopped looking for sex. I really don't have much of a drive, but I don't look even for those time I do.

I just don't want to be on Grindr. Or worry if I've gained a pound. Or worry if I'm too old to bottom. Or whatever else just makes it not worth the hassle.

I had GREAT sex for decades, two wonderful, long term relationships, and a very good run as an active gay man. But now? I just want to watch a dumb TV show, listen to music, jack off to hot daddy porn by myself, and hang out with my friends when I feel like socializing.

I was on and off Scruff for a few years and had a few hook-ups with guys, sometimes the sex was great but I would not be interested in hanging out with the guy or dating them. Not too long ago I saw someone on Scruff and we went back and forth and before we met I could tell I liked this guy - very smart and quick and great banter. We met for a date - went out to dinner, a quick kiss after. I was surprised that I really liked him and enjoyed spending time with him and talking. Had another date, same thing - lots of daily texting and it was great - I was so happy I was actually interested in someone. We finally had a date that ended with sex, it was kind of awkward and he didn’t cum. Another date, another round of awkward sex, it was very frustrating because I loved chatting with this guy and hanging out - it was so comfortable and we were totally aligned and he was so my perfect type - I would get butterflies when I saw him. We tried sex again and it didn’t go that well so we finally talked about what was going on and he was having a problem with intimacy - he was so used to “anonymous” hook-ups and porn that being intimate with someone he cared about was difficult. I was patient and we tried lots of things but it never went well. I don’t know how to resolve it but damn I really like this guy.

I know how you feel, OP. Ever since the pandemic, people have gotten so flaky and self-absorbed. Trying to have any type of relationship with them just isn't worth the effort.

Eh, I definitely prefer a hookup to jacking off, but I do get it. There's so much nonsense affiliated with it. And it's true that the pic game can lead to absurd levels of pickiness that wouldn't exist if your initial introduction was in person..

For example, things were going great with a really hot guy. He liked my face, dick, etc., Was REALLY into me, supposedly. But one of my later pics showed my toes. And while I keep them perfectly fine and trimmed and neat and all that, he said he didn't like the shape or some shit. I asked if he had a foot fetish and he said no. I asked if he thought he would actually ever see that when I was eating or fucking his ass. (My feet aren't the ones in the air, after all.) He said no. But he said it was a boner killer and then he ghosted. A few weeks later he popped up again under a different profile and messaged me like he hadn't ghosted me and once again expressed interest, and I told him to go fuck himself.

Just another example of something that never would have happened if we had met on a beach or even nude at a sex party. Too busy talking or getting down to business in those cases. The apps let people be time wasting idiots.

r12 is part of the problem. If you just want guys to tell you how hot you are while you jack off, go on a cam site or something. Grindr is for MEETING OTHER GAYS TO FUCK!!! Not manipulating them so you can get off and then ghosting them. Asshole.

R28 that really sucks. I was probably that guy at one time, so used to anonymous stuff that it was hard to transition to a different kind of intimacy and contact.

R28, I think that sucks also but hoping that you and the guy can still maybe work things out. The sex issue aside, it sounds like the two of you are perfect for each other.