Let’s Be “Alice” If Mel’s Diner Was Actually A Brothel

You mean it wasn't?

For $50 bucks you can kiss one of my grits.

"Kiss my tits!"

I’m the hooker with the heart of gold. I’m the only one who isn’t inappropriate with Alice’s son Tommy. I tell him, “Nevermind pimpin’ like Mel. Go to Arizona State and BE somebody!”

R3 Winner

"Tahwmee, come rub Mama's feet and back...I hadda do a double shift, and I smell like dirty trucker."

As they say at the phone company, HELL-O!

I'm Tommy, and I'm making more money than anyone else here.

Tahmee, I told you to stop using those horse teeth when you're giving a blow job!

If I have to give one more refund, you're going to have to start wearing your mouth guard again!

Mel's "Coffee" was code for customers who had a taste for dark meat...

Op and your replies…..

Get it all out of your system.

Mel's Chili Special?

Well, let's just say Erna would know all about that.

Jump back!

Alice, was a tired old Madam, who pretended to be a "fresh freckled face" in the neighborhood.

Nobody bought it.

Alice made Tahmee put "love beads" all around her section...for privacy...when she was "entertaining" big groups

There's a new girl in town ...

Mel became a Fred Garvin he would have sex with men and he was a TOTAL TOP

Why did the sitcom stray from the movie's portrayal of a divorced woman setting-off on a new life and- hopefully- a new career playing music? It ended-up just being cranky diner humor.

Do you have some sort of businesswomen's special?

"Hey, to the old broad who keeps playing the piano and shrieking off key, SHUT UP!"

"I'm trying to have some fun with my gal Vera, and your killing the mood!"

Scat take on a whole different meaning.

What about Mel’s mother? With her big mouth, she could probably suck dick and balls all at once.

You got to move like the waves in the ocean, uh-huh!

When Flo says "Adam and Eve on a raft"...it means something completely different

If you like scat, ask for Alice.