My husband is giving me the silent treatment.

Count your blessings.

I hope this doesn't sound harsh, OP, but the best thing at this point is if this ferry capsizes with you both on it. There is no other way forward.

Just kill yourself OP

He has some sort of issue communicating why he's upset. It's frustrating, confusing and upsetting to be treated like this.

If you let it repeat he'll use it as a form of punishment again and again. It's not a mature way to handle conflict and is destructive.

Being ignored is akin to death and causes real psychological harm. You could end up somatizing this.

Give him space and when you're able, ask if there's something else going on.

[quote]Me and my husband

I hoped that this meant we had a new story from the Shit Brickhouse Troll, and was crestfallen to see the subject-verb agreement ("are").

OP, he knows he was wrong but in typical fashion, he is blaming you for making him realize that he was rude. Hopefully he’ll be mature enough to realize that and apologize but if this is a pattern…

Your husband seems like a real jackass, OP. Tell him he's being childish and you have no intention of letting him spoil your day, then go off to do your own thing. Let him stew and sulk by himself while you have fun.

After vacation, you might want to do some serious thinking about this relationship.

He’s clearly cheating on you.

He sounds like an overly touchy ass. Maybe you should beat him. Show him who's boss. Touchy asses need a need a good ass whoopin' once in a while.

My husband has his crabby "periods." He's more or less learned to lay low when he is in that mood so not many conflicts happen anymore. If one does happen, I know it is not me and don't let it bother me. I have plenty to do with or without him.

That is so petty, sulking. OP I agree with R7, don't allow him to ruin your trip. Did he not want to go on this trip? If he really didn't want to he should have been honest with you about it.

OP, "Me and my husband" Where did you learn English?

[quote]I kicked my shoes off

So instead of making an effort to take them off you just kicked them off while laying there.

Extra cunt points if you were looking at him when you did it.

R11 He did want to go. Actually with the exception of the island, I have been here many times. But he hasn’t and since we are moving away I wanted him to experience it with me.

I just don’t understand what I did to warrant literally now 3 hours of silent treatment. In the past, I had a bad temper and so I went to therapy because how it was effecting him. I am proud to say I did not lose my temper or yell at him. But, I have told him many times that him giving me the silent treatment hurts me. I don’t mind giving him alone time, to calm down, but three hours! All because I told him I didn’t like for him to get mad that I was wearing shoes while in bed?

I would go on my own and bike around the island, but he doesn’t ride a bike and will have to be on a shuttle tour alone and I don’t want him to get bored.

But I will just ignore him, enjoy the sights in the tour, and maybe he will come around.

R13 They are sneakers, and I didn’t kick them across the room. I just slipped them off with my feet.

Liar.

Hell is other people

OP, don't quit your day job.

Surely OP, you were aware that this is part of his personality, long before you married him? I can see this getting worse over the years, unless you develop better ways of communicating with each other.

[quote]Being ignored is akin to death

I couldn't agree with you more!

R19 He was always like this, but I thought I could just try harder and not make him upset. And I agree it will get worse, but I asked him to work on it but he won’t. I asked him to go to a therapy session with me, and he won’t.

Actually even though we are moving next month to a new country, he has started applying for jobs in a different city. Part of me thinks he may be wanting to separate, and only staying with me until he finds a job

OP/R14 You used the word “literally” which gives him every right to despise you.

0/10

R21 OP, how many clues do you need?

He is applying for jobs in other cities. How much more of a indication do you need to understand that he wants to move on without you?

This is not about shoes or getting the silent treatment. It's about him being too much of a chicken-shit to break up with you and he's trying to sabotage the relationship through passive-aggressive behavior.

How old are the two of you and how long have you been a couple? And how often do you have passionate sex these days?

And OP, not to sound rude, but your husband also ditched you on Valentine's Day. (according to your other post about your husband)

He does not respect you and he wants out.

I don't fuck with passive aggressive.

Ignore the silent treatment and conduct yourself like nothing happened.

It takes two to dysfunction.

[quote]I should be able to enjoy this beautiful sea but instead I am stuck on DL replaying what I did wrong.

Your husband made a choice to be an asshole, and then you made a choice to remove yourself from a moment you might've still tried to enjoy without him. R26 is correct that it takes two to maintain this dynamic.

This is something I used to do to people, before I learned through hard karma how to communicate more respectfully, and before I got a long-overdue diagnosis for autism. I lost relationships with all my friends and some of my family because of my behaviour.

OP, if your DH can’t or won’t acknowledge that he’s treating people this way and that it needs to change, then give him the keys to the street (easier said than done, I know). You deserve better from a partner and you can’t change him. Change is conscious accountability work he has to do himself in his own time, and you oughtn’t stick around to be a free therapist/punching ba while he does.

When that bitch told you that wearing your shoes in/on bed was gross, the correct response was:

"My big dick is dirty, too, from fucking your hot ass last night. I just can't get enough, after all these years, hunny. Why don't you come over here and clean it with your purdy mouth."

I once apologized to my bf for giving him the silent treatment but he said he hadn't noticed.

He sounds like a twat. When I read stuff like that it makes me glad I'm single. I haven't got the patience to put up with unreasonable behaviour as outlined by OP.

Imagine marrying a man lol

one gets the husband that one deserves , OP

Does your relationship tiff history include parsley and cilantro, OP?

Go to the urinal on that ferry and pickup a trashy townie. Leave your husband on the dock as you climb on behind the townie on his motorcycle and shoot off.

[quote]They are sneakers, and I didn’t kick them across the room. I just slipped them off with my feet.

Because the best place for dirty shoes is at the foot of the bed. Maybe it's your laziness that pisses him off.

[quote]I hope this doesn't sound harsh, OP, but the best thing at this point is if this ferry capsizes with you both on it. There is no other way forward.

And don't get any stupid ideas about never letting go.

When you have to come to DL for relationship advice over something like this... I'd lose ten pounds and update your Scruff profile.

Why can’t you just be grateful you have a husband, OP? You should be sucking his dick right now, instead of whining on Datalounge. No one else will love you.

Well, I know we're all sex positive at all costs, R39, but I think they're still on the ferry. Let's not add indecent exposure charges to the list of relationship woes.

Getting super mad about something small and really not important like this is usually about something else. So you're going to have to stop analysing why his reaction to this was stupid (which I 100% agree was dumb) and understand that it's really about other things and this is just a convenient way to express his anger/passive aggression.

OP, if you were anywhere above 7" down there, your husband would think your dirty shoes on the bed are sexy. You're obviously under endowed, are loosing your looks, and should accept to downsize to a more compatible partner.

HEAVEN! I'd grab some booze and have fun, right in his FUCKING face.

This thread has me thinking ChatGPT isn't quite ready for prime time

I'm passive aggressive and prone to giving silent treatments. I'm just not good at fighting it out.

R45 You should at least try to communicate why someone has upset you. My mother would tell me about how her mother would give her the silent treatment (and I myself experienced it, randomly, for no good reason that I could think of). My mother cut off her mother when I was in my teens. I just think it's a pretty cowardly way to deal with things. Better to at least explain or tell someone why you're giving them the silent treatment so that they have a chance to repent. If they don't, then sure, continue to cut them off. But the way some people use silent treatments seems fairly cowardly to me.

Joel would never act so crassly.

Consider also that the husband may have serious anger problems, a history of abuse, and/or depression. That's the case with my father who often goes mute on people. He's accidentally outbursted a couple of times before that if he expresses his issues or why he's upset, he'll start lashing out verbally or physically, and he's scared he won't be able to stop. He is from a poor hick background, one of ten kids, and was neglected and beat by his parents as a child. It's no excuse, of course, but an explanation is not always an allowance.

OP may be in danger here (gurl).

[quote] He did want to go. Actually with the exception of the island… so I went to therapy because how it was effecting [sic] him. I am proud to say I did not lose my temper or yell at him… All because I told him I didn’t like for him to get mad that I was wearing shoes while in bed?

1. It’s not because you had shoes on the bed. It’s your whole dynamic. I’m guessing you’re a very assertive Type A and in general he feels invalidated.

2. To wit: why are you forcing him to go to the island? He didn’t want to go. He’s silent because he’s on the ferry thinking, “I didn’t even want to go to this fucking island.”

You state you planned everything and used to get so mad at him that you sought therapy. Why are you proud of yourself for not yelling at HIM for expressing his normal feelings about you having dirty shoes near the bedding? Did he want to plan something for the trip — or maybe he likes spontaneity.

Also you thinking it was more acceptable to put your feet up because it wasn’t even your bed can be an issue of respect of service people as well.

In relationships things are cumulative. Maybe you already bossed him around before he even got in the shower. Did you overrule what he wanted to do for breakfast? What he wanted to do instead of the island? In wanting to share what YOU think is best, do you blow off his wishes?

Ask him if any of this is right, because type a people have a hard time putting themselves in other people’s shoes, (pun not intended) feelings-wise.

Many people would have said to his understandable bed reaction, “Oh sorry that skeeved you out.” or “I wasn’t thinking. Of course I’ll take my shoes off!” But perhaps you audibly sighed, said “whatever” and rolled your eyes.

OP is such a dumb bitch - and serial EST shitposter.

Her “my boyfriend is too passionate” thread is still around from last month.

There is no boyfriend, no shoes, no ferry, and no fight. WTF is wrong with you OP?

How long have you two been together?

I think an "accident" on the ferry is in order, OP. Push that cunt off. If he survives, make sure he drags his wet ass back to the hotel to find your shoes on his pillow.

He sounds like an ungrateful twat who wants out, so give him a good push.

In true EST fashion you should have referred to him as his “Husbear”.

What R53 said. Also, there should be mention of a basket of fruit and wine, or cookies. No EST is complete without a basket handmade at the art and craft fair in The Dalles, filled with treats, that you delivered at the neighbor/future husband 's door.

OP, spank your husband, hump him silly, film it & post it at The Datalounge.

Why do people write ESTs? Do they get off on lying (which they call creativity?) Are they trying to put some color in their otherwise dull lives? Are they aspiring fiction writers? Are they fantasists? Psychotic? Is this their idea of content creation?

Serious question, EST-writers. Why do YOU do it?

I've done it because it's so easy to push DL's buttons and fun to watch it freak out. Don't blame me. Blame yourselves, Old Faithfuls.

And in fairness, I haven't done it in a long time. But if anybody remembers Janis the lesbian vegan coming to Thanksgiving, that was me. All hell broke loose. It was great.

My favorite part of an EST is when it's established (or admitted) it isn an EST and people still freak out for three hundred more posts.

is this straight people's problems?

lol at the poster who said he apologized to his partner for giving him the silent treatment, and Mr Charming replied he hadn't noticed. thanks mate

R60 It’s no people’s problem because it didn’t happen.

You should both jump off the side of the ferry.

Better yet, OP, jump off the front of the ferry so you end up shredded by the motors as the ship passes over you.

Tell your husband that you're into men, not tantrum toddlers and go out and fuck around with some hot men.

It’s over, OP. Get a divorce, like now. He’s just not into you.

suck his dick n continue sucking his dick after he cums

Drink through it, hon. And take all the money before he does. Let him move to another city. Change the locks. Get a divorce. Smoke week. Take up yoga. Find a hot younger guy and fuck yourself silly.

Smoke weed

Maybe play MY HEART WILL GO ON while embracing on the bow of the ferry and then fling the diamond necklace into the water

This reminds me of

R71 Urgh not those fake grifting weirdos.

It's an obvious EST, but is it straight, though? I don't care for this content here.

I've posted quite a lot on this thread, but TBH I couldn't bother to read the OP until the end, so I have no idea R73

This isn’t an EST. Yes, I also did post about him standing me up on Valentines day, but we resolved that when DL told me to get over it. As for the EST about the too passionate lover, that was just a partial EST - it was inspired by a past Spanish lover I had who was too passionate (what I left out of the EST was that he was also smelly which is why I ended it). The way some of you track who post what is kinda creepy however. I also posted an hilarious EST about getting fired for singing Mame which was well received, a thread about TV pilots which was lukewarm, and a few duds here and there.

Anyway, after about 3 hours (at 12:40) I saw he was looking at a scarf in a handicraft shop and asked if he would get it. He said no, because it was too expensive. I thought we would go back to talking but he still kept ignoring me. So, I had another talk with him. I told him that I have worked hard to stop snapping him, but I don’t understand why he can’t work hard on his silent treatment bullshit. I told him I don’t mind giving him time to cool off if we have a disagreement but 3 hours is ridiculous, especially when he knows I have been looking forward to the trip.

Anyway he didn’t budge and so I finally took DLs advice and had fun on my own. I walked away from him, and enjoyed myself. I also had a nice lunch. By the time he got to the tour bus area the bus was soon to depart so he had to settle for a small sandwich. I actually did text him and ask if he wanted food but he didn’t get the text due to signal.

At the next stop, I actually fell down (I have bad balance and often fall). It wasn’t bad but I did scratch my hand and it was a little bloody. He didn’t see me fall but he did see my hand afterwards because he came over with a bottle of water and washed it off. Then we started talking again. He also had bought me a little something at the gift shop when we were fighting.

Now we are fine. And having fun. We are on the ferry back to the mainland now. Still, tonight I would like to bring up the silent treatment and also ask why he got so mad. I also want to address the job thing, but maybe on Monday after our trip is over.

Maybe you would be better off married to another neurodivergent guy like yourself, with autism.

R49 You have a lot of assumptions. Let me set you straight.

I didn’t “spring” the trip on him. He wanted to go. In fact, like I said, I have been here twice but he hasn’t so I took him because we are leaving the country soon. I planned the trip because he doesn’t plan anything. He used to plan trips for us, and often when we go elsewhere to travel he will do research and help plan. But he usually doesn’t do any weekend plans for us. But I asked and he wanted to come here. He also wanted to come to the island.

As for the shoes, like I said, the shoes were not in the bed. I was in the bed, half sitting, half laying, and legs and feet dangling off the bed. My shoes were on because I went to the car to get a jacket, and then we were going to leave again once he got out the bathroom. Why would I take off my shoes when I was going to leave again in 5 minutes. And, stop your histrionics about me being rude to service staff. If I am staying in a hotel, of course I am going to relax a bit more than normal. And again, having my legs hanging off the bed is hardly dirty.

As for breakfast or whatever you are on, we didn’t have it because he were going to get it on the way to the terminal. So no, I didn’t ignore his breakfast decisions.

There are ways of dealing with this sort of sticky situation.

"I was laying on the bed"

Oh, dear!

R56 And to answer your question, I will flip it on you. What do you dislike about EST? Would you prefer more threads about the royal family, aging porn stars, and Trump lovers? ESTs keep the place fresh and fun. The only issue with EST are when hall monitors like you scold everyone for enjoying them.

I smell trouble. In the past with boyfriends I was ready to kick to the curb, I would start making big deals out of things that weren't so I'd have a case when I wanted to break up. OP made a point to say that he planned the trip, blah blah. It sounds like your husband isn't that into this little weekend getaway and is definitely not into the island. OP pushed the island (Catalina?) on hubby when he knew he was either an out of shape fat whore or simply doesn't like cycling around. Also, OP mentioned this would be their last time to make a trip like this before they moved. Is the move in total agreement? Why are you moving and how do you both feel about it?

Two very important questions to give this a final verdict. How often are you having sex and who is top/bottom?

R82 I move a lot for work. Thats the deal. He knew this before he married me. And I already said he wanted to go on this trip. He is not fat, he just doesn’t know how to ride a bike.

Just out of curiosity, how does he not know how ride a bike, R82?

[quote] I move a lot for work. Thats the deal. He knew this before he married me.

Is he happy about the move or is it just part of the deal? Are you the breadwinner for the household? Who is the top?

Is this shit about two men? Please? I don't want to read long screeds about straight people.

Any amber alerts? Men overboard? Failing relationship hissing or at we locked in this doom loop of silence and looking for help in all the wrong places?

I care, man. I'm invested. We're here for you. We won't be any use, but we're here.

[quote]tonight I would like to bring up the silent treatment and also ask why he got so mad.

Good idea. Perfect timing.

OP, you're a Frau, aren't you?

[quote] He hasn’t spoke to me for

Oh, dear.

Is OP a woman? And I don’t mean the tranny kind.

Let’s take guess as to where OP’s husband will bury his body.

Burial at sea. Duh. That ferry has to do a return trip.

Angry sex in a dom/sub role play way makes it all better. Trust me.

My parents would sometimes give eachother the silent treatment for 1-2 months. Naturally I did the same to friends when I got upset. Fortunately I grew out of it but my siblings weren't so lucky.

Push him off the ferry.

R2 is why Datalounge is the best site on the webs.

Hahahaha.

R93 1-2 months!! Omg that is really horrible. Very pathological.

When you walk outside you step in all sorts of things including dog shit. Get your fucking shoes off the bed. Maybe he’s pissed because you keep doing it and disregard his simple request?

Does this emotional setup mirror the dynamics you learned in your childhood, OP? Does experience tell you that he’ll starve you of his attention until you grovel? His response is disproportionate to what you did. You could try mind reading forever and never get at whatever he’s not divulging. And he doesn’t want to go see a counselor with you.

It’s a mess. Take care of yourself.

I feel like this is a straight couple. Still no response as to who is the top/bottom and frequency of sex.

R99 We are gay.

Vers.

He isn’t having sex with me much anymore.

Happy?

Yes, thank you. Also, do you pay all the bills and what's the follow up on the post island visit. Are you all talking now?

R100, but who's more the top? (And we all know one partner always is)

And who has the bigger cock? If it's the temperamental husband who is hung like a horse (is that why he can't ride a bike), you might need to make more provisions, especially if you are a very bottom, to R102 's point.

This EST has jumped so many sharks it feels like Marinland

And still no mention of OP's puny cocklet.

They should both push each other off the ferry and be done with it.

In the end, he gave me the silent treatment from 9:00 to 3:00 PM. He stopped when he saw me slip and fall, and used some water to rinse off the tiny droplet of blood on my hand. I wasn’t really hurt so it was sweet.

On the bus ride, I explained that what he did wasn’t okay, regardless of the shoe thing. I said in the future if you give me the silent treatment, at least give me a time limit so I don’t let my anxiety take over.

We had a good rest of the trip. As for the job thing, I will not bring it up because I have a lot going on.

Well, it's certainly nice we got to live through this seminal life event with you.

Are you sure the issue with the shoes hasn’t come up before? Do you tend to be a filthy slob?

We can now finally breathe that sigh relief we've been waiting for OP.

Finally.

Thank you Jesus.

Should take a ferry on Lake Superior, on a stormy day. 🌊

I neglected to mention that after I kicked my shoes off, I lowered my trousers and took a big shit on his side of the bed.

I have IBS - don’t judge me.

You need to sit your husband down and ask what he honestly wants in a partner. Then change yourself into that person.

Clearly you are failing him. Why are you deliberately driving him away by displeasing him?

You are exhausting, OP. You are either a woman or one of those extremely fussy, insufferable old gays. Your follow up post showed your cards.

R107 in R75 you said he didn’t see you fall, but in R107 you said he did.

OP, you should consult with the Catholic Church and see about scheduling an exorcism for yourself. Kicking the shoes off while lying on the bed is proof of demonic possession.

R115 I was just paraphrasing.

[quote] OP, you should consult with the Catholic Church and see about scheduling an exorcism for yourself. Kicking the shoes off while lying on the bed is proof of demonic possession.

Let me know if I can help.

Greg, we were hoping the exorcism could take place in your kitchen. Hope that's okay.

R118 He was giving me the silent treatment, not the silent but deadly treatment that your prunes are sure to create.

[quote] Greg, we were hoping the exorcism could take place in your kitchen. Hope that's okay.

Yes, of course.

My kitchen is spotless. Its counters are clutter-free.

Everything in it is white.

There is a faint scent of geranium.

All these things excel at driving away the enemy.

I’ll make tea.

I would recommend that you put a dirty shoe on his pillow very close to his face, the next morning m, so he wakes up to seeing a dirty shoe. He’s clearly in need of some psychological warfare.

💩

👠

🧵

If you follow Miss Crawford’s advice, I suggest you place some paper toweling beneath the dirty shoe so as not to soil the pillow slips.

I’m certain Lucille would agree.

Drag your ass across his side of the bed like a dog does after using the facilities. Then he can finally be free of you.

Tell him you’d never realized till now how much he reminds you of your mother.

OP, how I wish you’d give us the silent treatment.