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Retiring from sex

I hit 50 this year. I still have a sex drive but can’t interest anyone in getting with me. I’ve never had much luck but it’s worse now. I have tried apps and websites, targeted guys I thought were in my range (old, fat, average tools…basically me), been polite and forthcoming. I have some physical issues that make me particularly unappealing and which I can’t really change.

I don’t want to hire escorts, just my preference. I don’t blame anyone for this predicament except for me. I’m lucky in most other ways in life and will be fine, but this has been a thorn in my side. It’s just not in the cards for me.

I’m not really looking for suggestions about improving my chances for sex. If there are others who were forcibly retired from the kind of sex they want out there, how did you get over it and find some peace? Or is that impossible?

by Anonymousreply 155April 8, 2023 4:38 PM

Date a blind man

by Anonymousreply 1March 22, 2023 8:29 PM

I haven't had sex since 2020, right before COVID. I'm not bothered - I masterbate 3 or 4 times a week. It seems safer and I don't want the hassle or someone in my home. I'm okay with it - really, my choice but, for you. you'll get over it.

However, and I know you don't want this advice, you might try finding a partner (not sure where you live). Plenty of Fish is free and you can find guys your age who want companionship, and love, long term relationships. But with that said, you really need to take the initiative and start the conversation....everyone wants to be chased so use that to your advantage.

by Anonymousreply 2March 22, 2023 8:32 PM

Op Go jump in a toilet.

by Anonymousreply 3March 22, 2023 8:33 PM

R1 and R3, shows the care and compassion of the few DLers who get off on someone else's misery.

by Anonymousreply 4March 22, 2023 8:33 PM

R4 get a fucking therapist.

by Anonymousreply 5March 22, 2023 8:35 PM

R2 Plenty of Fish is awful. It’s full of creeps 100 miles away who don’t know the current sites/apps.

by Anonymousreply 6March 22, 2023 8:35 PM

Masterbation and porn are an old man's friend. Welcome new Eldergay!

by Anonymousreply 7March 22, 2023 8:35 PM

I don’t mind R4. It wouldn’t be Datalounge otherwise.

by Anonymousreply 8March 22, 2023 8:35 PM

^ okay, tune out those losers. You are a great guy and just "do you".

by Anonymousreply 9March 22, 2023 8:37 PM

I reengaged last year post pandemic. Had some fun. But at 55, the drive is just disappearing. I have to make myself masturbate 1-2x week for health/prostate. But I’m finding a drastic drop off in the past 2-3 years. Which I’m fine with - it’s largely a waste of time and mental energy.

by Anonymousreply 10March 22, 2023 8:41 PM

Might I suggest you head down to The Rusty Anchor?

by Anonymousreply 11March 22, 2023 8:43 PM

I invite you to look at hiring escorts in a different light.

I used their services for a few years but more as a way to get back into dating and getting used to booking up and building confidence in a setting where I feel is private and discreet.

I don’t hire them much anymore because I just don’t need to but they helped me transition back into dating after a long relationship in which I isolated myself from social settings.

by Anonymousreply 12March 22, 2023 8:47 PM

What's wrong with paying for an escort for sex? You'd have to pay for a date and it could be unsatisfactory in every way. With an escort, you could have sex with someone you could never get in real life, age- and looks-wise.

by Anonymousreply 13March 22, 2023 8:47 PM

61,fat and thinning hair. I didnt retire from sex,it retired from me. Id LOVE to get railed again,but unlesss i pay for it ,not going to happen. Absolutely nobody wants to fuck an old bottom,not even old tops. Nope,reality is I will never get fucked again unless I shell out. Im okay with that really,but the ones that advertise leave much to be desired.

by Anonymousreply 14March 22, 2023 8:47 PM

Like a personal trainer for your sex life.

by Anonymousreply 15March 22, 2023 8:48 PM

I know you are not asking for advice but try a bath house. Im 30, and often hook up with 50 plus year olds at the sauna.

by Anonymousreply 16March 22, 2023 8:51 PM

In a way - you need to make peace with this new chapter in your life. It doesn't mean you won't ever have sex again, but getting comfortable with this lack of intimacy is good for your mental health. You may feel the loss from time to time but don't let that get you down. Simply acknowledge the feelings you have and grieve however long it takes. You'll be fine. I know I am.

by Anonymousreply 17March 22, 2023 8:51 PM

R1 and R3 maybe the bitchery that is DL but they're still cunts.

by Anonymousreply 18March 22, 2023 8:52 PM

Hi OP. I retired when COVID hit. I was 58. Unlike you, I was very handsome for years and many of those years I was a raging slut with as many partners as I wanted. Hundreds a year easily. It started to taper out for me too, anyway, at 50. I mean I could still get fucked, but my older fuck buddies started to drop me at 50, because they were 50 too and 50 yo hotties don't want to fuck their own age. Each year I noticed a decline in my prospects. Finally when COVID arrived I had to face facts that I was handsome but OLD and of no value on the meat market. Now that COVID is over, perhaps I'll keep it open for another romance but no more fast and easy sex. Seasons of life I guess. Good luck to you. Keep yourself open for a flirt or relation, perhaps.

by Anonymousreply 19March 22, 2023 8:58 PM

^ can I ask what you HIV status is? I wonder if that plays into it too??

by Anonymousreply 20March 22, 2023 9:07 PM

R19 it really is the opposite for me. Body shame and fear of HIV, as well as intermittent SSRI use, kept my libido low during my peak years of stamina and attractiveness. Then the opposite happened during the pandemic—my sex drive woke up and my delayed adolescence is now ready to start. I don’t know why, I don’t want it, but I guess the repressed will always return if you live long enough. And that’s why I don’t want escorts—I wanted the experience of meeting a sex partner who wants me and going for it. Jot going to happen.

It sucks. I’ll manage but wish it were easier.

by Anonymousreply 21March 22, 2023 9:22 PM

[quote]Absolutely nobody wants to fuck an old bottom,not even old tops.

There's that community pulling together again!

by Anonymousreply 22March 22, 2023 9:25 PM

I overdid it for years, and am now underdoing it... it was fun while it lasted and I'm still running on the fumes.

by Anonymousreply 23March 22, 2023 10:10 PM

I let go of hookups and now do daily wanks with porn after having enough of the crazy experiences and letdowns. I've had good sex and can go back to the memory library, and porn lets me order up whatever I want with a better success rate. I'm thoroughly happy with this and just look at it like another life stage thing.

by Anonymousreply 24March 22, 2023 10:10 PM

Like I really give a shit what you do with yourself.

by Anonymousreply 25March 22, 2023 10:10 PM

Reading through the comments and what I'm understanding is that the grand jury USUALLY only meets on Mondays and Wednesday but have the option to meet on Thursdays.

And, there was a witness they wanted to hear from who was not available today (Wednesday) but is available tomorrow.

This would also explain why he assumed he would be indicted on Tuesday--after the vote on Monday

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 26March 22, 2023 10:19 PM

Op please retire from the DL. Just a thought.

by Anonymousreply 27March 22, 2023 10:23 PM

R26, interesting take!

by Anonymousreply 28March 22, 2023 10:24 PM

OP, you sound like a great guy. I hope things work out for you.

by Anonymousreply 29March 22, 2023 10:28 PM

Don’t give up, OP, you’re too young for such a drastic decision.

by Anonymousreply 30March 22, 2023 11:02 PM

I totally agree with R2!

by Anonymousreply 31March 22, 2023 11:18 PM

Sorry, wrong thread

by Anonymousreply 32March 22, 2023 11:32 PM

I’m pregnant

by Anonymousreply 33March 22, 2023 11:33 PM

OP, but your cock is too nice and too big to keep in reserve! Be the slut you want to be!

by Anonymousreply 34March 22, 2023 11:59 PM

It’s really not R34

by Anonymousreply 35March 23, 2023 12:10 AM

OP, get with some of the eldergays on DL. They're horny, and they'd love to make your hole happy!

by Anonymousreply 36March 23, 2023 12:12 AM

[quote]Retiring from sex

[quote]I hit 50 this year.

Retiring at 50 - what are you, French?

by Anonymousreply 37March 23, 2023 12:27 AM

The drop off in interest on the apps after 50 is brutal. Even fellow over-50s are uninterested. I think it's just me and my right hand from here on out. 🤷‍♂️

by Anonymousreply 38March 23, 2023 12:41 AM

I didn't have any sex from almost 45 to 60, raising three kids on my own, working a stessful job, etc. Joined Grindr about a month ago (my gay son talked me into it), and now I have A LOT of mid-20s to mid-30s guys begging me to fuck them. I'm decent looking but nothing spectacular, OK dad bod, average cock, but they love it. Feels weird to sleep with people who can be younger than my kids, but also liking it. Can't cum three times a night like I used to but once seems to be good enough.....

by Anonymousreply 39March 23, 2023 12:45 AM

OP, start fucking women and/or trans guys. They're into older guys.

by Anonymousreply 40March 23, 2023 12:45 AM

Miss, with all due respect I have problems of my own.

by Anonymousreply 41March 23, 2023 12:48 AM

OP, have you tried shaking your groove thing while wearing long earrings that glitter and sway with the movement?

by Anonymousreply 42March 23, 2023 12:51 AM

Sounds like a great idea. No one really turns me on and when I do finally get laid, I find the hookups typically suck. Like not in the good way. It’s like why put dollars out there, when all you get back is cents?

by Anonymousreply 43March 23, 2023 12:53 AM

I could be wrong but, in similar threads to this, there has been a poster who claims to be 80 and still have a sex life. I didn't get the impression he was making it up (by clearly playing it for laughs, for example). Perhaps he'll contribute.

by Anonymousreply 44March 23, 2023 12:57 AM

OP, you need to embrace the Mama-method for nailing hot trade after 50: when you spot your prey, smile, lick your lips, and slowly mouth the word "yummmmm..." Then throw your caftan over your head and let him feast his eyes. Works every time...

by Anonymousreply 45March 23, 2023 12:57 AM

R19- It's a bit extreme but my father went to the office 5 days a week until he was 91. Why did you retire so young-ish at 58. Every other queen on the datalounge mentions the fact that they retired at fifty something.

by Anonymousreply 46March 23, 2023 1:27 AM

R38- Someone mentioned it earlier- FUCK the apps

Try a bathhouse. I've never used the sex apps. I only use a bathhouse when I want some action- and no I am perfectly happy to have sex with guys who are 48+ years old- I'm 57 years old. I had sex the other night at a bathhouse with a guy who's penis was impressively small.

by Anonymousreply 47March 23, 2023 1:31 AM

My motto is "Go where you are treated best." Every few months I book a ticket to Cairo or Delhi. Believe me I am no oil painting, but I meet some very enthusiastic guys who seem so happy I am there. Believe me they will be happy to see you.

by Anonymousreply 48March 23, 2023 1:56 AM

R48- I LIKE Arab guys and Indian guys- that sounds HOT.

by Anonymousreply 49March 23, 2023 1:57 AM

It is best to be a bottom in Cairo but in India you find both tops and bottoms.

by Anonymousreply 50March 23, 2023 2:00 AM

R48- Where do you meet these guys?

Do THEY approach you?

by Anonymousreply 51March 23, 2023 2:01 AM

Some of us have been so fugly since birth no one has ever wanted to have sex with us. You'll get used to it.

by Anonymousreply 52March 23, 2023 2:02 AM

Just kill me...

by Anonymousreply 53March 23, 2023 2:03 AM

I meet them on the apps usually. Planetromeo is big in India. In Cairo less so. Make sure you have an apartment from Airbnb or something because the Cairo hotels often time refuse guests. In India it is not problem.

by Anonymousreply 54March 23, 2023 2:05 AM

I'm the opposite of op. I'm almost 60 and still quite horny. I was just actually browsing rentmen and thinking of hiring an escort . lol

by Anonymousreply 55March 23, 2023 2:12 AM

I’m 56 and COVID led to my abrupt early retirement. I’ve had sex three times since March 2020, all with a fuck bud in his early 60’s who probably is winding down too. My sex drive had slowed considerably in the 5 years before 2020, but I was still getting plenty of sex when I wanted it in the before times so this has been a big change. I’m a decent looking top with a nice sized dick that still gets hard without assistance, so I probably still have reasonable prospects for a bit longer. But I can’t do it anymore amid all this contagion. The worst is that kissing is what turns me on the most now and it’s the thing I now fear doing most.

I had great sex and great gobs of it for about 30 years. So at least I’ve moved into a new phase with no regrets about lost time or opportunity. But watching porn does make me miss it!

by Anonymousreply 56March 23, 2023 2:51 AM

R56, if COVID is the only thing holding you back, maybe you should reevaluate. If you are sufficiently boosted and can get Paxlovid if needed, a COVID infection should not be too serious unless you are immunocompromised. I’m not trying to minimize it, but it’s at least worth discussing with your doctor. We are just not seeing many extremely serious cases like we did in the beginning.

by Anonymousreply 57March 23, 2023 3:39 AM

MrGoAsian has yet to chime in.

by Anonymousreply 58March 23, 2023 3:55 AM

It seems like the genuine ones who want something are just spread out way too damn thin.

by Anonymousreply 59March 23, 2023 3:56 AM

You aren't That old, OP. You never know what life is gonna bring. Don't be resigned to give up on romance.

by Anonymousreply 60March 23, 2023 6:17 AM

Another hot old codger here with his dance card fully booked. I have to peel the twinks off me, everywhere I go. A line outside my door.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 61March 23, 2023 6:36 AM

One thing I have learned when it comes to sex is that there is a lid for every pot. You never know what someone is attracted to. People assume that hot guys just like other hot guys. For the most part that might be true. But you don't need most guys to like you, you just need one or two. I would search sites like fetlife that focus on fetishes mostly, outside of the box thinking. I would put up an honest profile stating what you are looking for. Consider yourself to have drifted in to a niche, fetish category when it comes to sex. There might be someone out there who desires exactly what you are and has been waiting for you to come along. There are some people who get off fucking "undersirable" guys because their ego requires them to be worshiped. You never never know what get's someone off. And you might be exactly the thing that does it for them. They won't be taking you to dinner - sometimes people are embarrassed about their real desires. But behind closed doors it's a different story. And once they've found the one that fulfills it for them, they tend to stick with them.

by Anonymousreply 62March 23, 2023 7:11 AM

Great reply, R62.

by Anonymousreply 63March 23, 2023 7:24 AM

I can't imagine spending hours/days/months looking for a fuck, when all you have to do is look down at your right/left hand. And in most cases, you've found the best fuck you'll ever have.

by Anonymousreply 64March 23, 2023 7:49 AM

R64 what is it like to live with Autism?

by Anonymousreply 65March 23, 2023 8:16 AM

R65 What is it like to live with constant yearning for the unattainable?

by Anonymousreply 66March 23, 2023 8:54 AM

The hard thing at 50 is not only to find someone that is attracted to you for sex... but for you to be attracted back... I spent most of my life in a relationship with someone I loved very deeply from an emotional level but with whom I was never physically attracted to or sexually compatible with. The sex was infrequent and not altogether satisfying. The relationship ended during the pandemic... now I'd like to find someone attractive, but that's not an easy thing to find at this age... and with my own pandemic belly!

by Anonymousreply 67March 23, 2023 9:08 AM

R64, maybe you're a bottom (as I am, mostly) but ai find that there's no comparison between orgasm after masturbation and orgasm as a top in anal sex. That's been my experience, at any rate - YMMV.

by Anonymousreply 68March 23, 2023 9:13 AM

I retired from sex when I was 37. It wasn’t an overnight decision. Anti depressants and a succession on heartbreaks and bad hook ups just made me not want to pursue sex anymore. Until a few years back I would still fantasize but that is long gone. As I’m pushing 50 I still got my looks (I won the genetic lottery - just good genes I guess) but never really have anyone interested in me other than creeps.

I guess it’s not related to our appearances. Aging counts as well but at the end I just don’t emanate any sexual vibes like I used to. I miss some aspects of a regular sex life but the benefit is that I live a more peaceful existence. That also didn’t come overnight and I slowly embraced my new reality.

Wish you the best OP and hope things will work out for you.

by Anonymousreply 69March 23, 2023 9:13 AM

That should be "I" find that there's no comparison. I'm sure that AI is scrupulously neutral on this question!

by Anonymousreply 70March 23, 2023 9:14 AM

OP, since every sentence starts with "I" we can safely assume you'll continue your selfish ways.

by Anonymousreply 71March 23, 2023 9:19 AM

I’ve gotta say this…. My parents are both 82 and still have sex every week. They love it. Been together since they were both 20 years old. I’ve been with my current husband for 18 years and our sex life just keeps getting better and better. I’m mid 50’s he’s mid 40’s. my second long term partner. I was the bottom he the younger top. Now’s it’s kinda flipped. Always monogamous, not because we have to be, we’re both still working out 5 times a week and handsome. But damn, the intimacy is so good.

We both never understood the need to sleep around. It was just boring for both of us!, Sex was never hard to come by and the both of us have pretty high self esteem. We both just waited for that certain someone to show up and then got to know each other in a deep honest way.

Being happy and confident is the best lure for sex you’ll ever have, no matter what age. It’s never about looks, it’s always about that inner confidence. My advice would be to get out and do the things you love, be open to people and friends. Stop caring at all, and then that’s the moment I’ve always found someone looks at you and thinks….mmmm.., that guys got it together, I might like to try some of that.

At 82, I watch women flirt with my dad outrageously, he is oblivious to it and that is the attraction.

by Anonymousreply 72March 23, 2023 10:43 AM


IDGAF about sex so much, anymore.

I need enough money to retire in the next 15 years.

Right now, I’m concentrating on making money, putting as much away as possible, & finding a decent spot for my elder years.

I wouldn’t mind finding a partner, but I’m perfectly fine if I don’t.

OP, why are people turning you down? Do you live with a partner, & aren’t truly available? Do you hide behind physical traits used to make you less attractive? Do you have a job, or do you spend the day just indulging yourself? Do you have a host of ideas to discuss with others, or is your rundown really superficial?

Being attractive to others isn’t just about looks. You have to have something going on, in order to have others want to spend time with you, and/or fuck you.

I’m not attempting to be cruel. I’m just asking these questions, because self awareness is key, for us all.

by Anonymousreply 73March 23, 2023 11:31 AM

I'll be 50 next year. I'm slender, fit, and handsome, but I've given up as well. But, I also manage my depression without therapy/meds, which certainly doesn't help.

I am also more focused on career and building up savings. If I'm growing old and my body is going to fall apart, I am going to do i as comfortably as I can.

by Anonymousreply 74March 23, 2023 11:36 AM

OP and R74, you two should get together for copious amounts of sex.

by Anonymousreply 75March 23, 2023 12:43 PM

[quote]Retiring from sex

If you are not a sex worker but feel that sex is work, you are doing it wrong.

by Anonymousreply 76March 23, 2023 12:45 PM

Will there be a retirement party? I’ll come.

by Anonymousreply 77March 23, 2023 12:52 PM

66 and living my best sex life since 60 in my big college town. Was fucking a hot freshman all last year and then he invited a buddy to come fuck with us. They say we're a thruple but I won't invite them to live with me. Word is out that I'm the hottest and coolest zaddy in town. I even go to some campus parties and everyone is so nice to me. More action then I got at West Point when I was 20. I have to be careful they don't get too attached, however. Trying to keep my options open, and not looking to settle down with a twink. I like mature guys, around 30.

by Anonymousreply 78March 23, 2023 4:44 PM

Wow Dude, I'm in the same boat. For some reason my cock got bigger in my 50s, from 8 to over 9. My doctor couldn't explain it I guess it was the HGH I was stacking. Now I'm 63 and just broke up with my boyfriend, who's 24 and in law school. I hated to do it but he started pestering me about how we should adopt kids. Adopt!!! He knows I already have grown children from my 1st AND 2nd wives. I just want to fuck and have affection. And I like puppy play. I don't need kids again but I sure love fucking and training young rapscallions!

by Anonymousreply 79March 23, 2023 4:51 PM

[quote] For some reason my cock got bigger in my 50s, from 8 to over 9. My doctor couldn't explain it.

Perhaps, it was that 200 pounds you lost on Jenny Craig.

by Anonymousreply 80March 23, 2023 5:32 PM

I’m in a similar situation- old, ugly, etc- but I have nothing else better to do with my life so I’m going to keep trying to find “Mr Right” since the thought of giving up entirely is too sad for me.

I may never find him and the search is frustrating but it’s better to try than to give up in order to sit at home masturbating until I die.

by Anonymousreply 81March 23, 2023 6:44 PM

I don't understand. You go out - into public - looking for Mr. Right? Where?

by Anonymousreply 82March 23, 2023 7:29 PM

I stopped having sex during the pandemic. I still appreciate eye candy but that's about it. I have no interest in sex but try to masturbate weekly using porn to flush out the pipes.

by Anonymousreply 83March 23, 2023 7:50 PM

Op and R81, you have nothing to lose. Try some dating site, again, Plenty of Fish is free and see what you get. The only commitment is for you to take the initiative in approaching someone. You have absolutely nothing to lose.

R81, lay off insulting yourself. You should be your biggest fan and speak that talk!

by Anonymousreply 84March 23, 2023 7:59 PM

R81- How old R U?

by Anonymousreply 85March 23, 2023 8:07 PM

R85, I know you didn't pose the question to me but wanted to add:

I'm 61, above average looks, educated, nice job, tall, thin/fit and live in West Hollywood, My primary ask is that the guy be decent, kind, considerate and has a retirement account. I'm those and I want that in return - I'm attracted to a lot of different men so that isn't holding me back.

I'm also finding men are getting better looking with age and there is an audience for me...and this is in West Hollywood!!

At my age, people want a nice guy who treats them well and they can age together....the other stuff is icing on the cake.

by Anonymousreply 86March 23, 2023 8:19 PM

OP, what celebrity or known figure do you most resemble? It would help to tailor advice to you if we had some idea of what you look like.

by Anonymousreply 87March 23, 2023 8:20 PM

R81 here. I’m 51 and I live in NYC. I’m tall and have a big dick but I’m flabby and kind of boring. I’m on all the apps though I’m looking for dates (ultimately a long term) and not hookups (too depressing).

I hate it but like I said, giving up isn’t an option for me since I have nothing else going on (no real friends or family, no pets). So my life these days consists of work, sleep, Netflix, and trying to score a date. I’m guessing I’ll be doing this for a while unless God decides to send me a man before I die.

by Anonymousreply 88March 23, 2023 8:22 PM

[quote] I’m guessing I’ll be doing this for a while unless God decides to send me a man before I die.

That's the spirit!

by Anonymousreply 89March 23, 2023 8:24 PM

No one has sex anymore.

by Anonymousreply 90March 23, 2023 8:25 PM

If you have a REALLY big dick, 51 is young enough to get you laid, hun.

by Anonymousreply 91March 23, 2023 8:27 PM

^ but does it work without help??

by Anonymousreply 92March 23, 2023 8:32 PM

Oh brother, get a load of some of the humble brags on here.

by Anonymousreply 93March 23, 2023 8:57 PM

R87, Joyce DeWitt

by Anonymousreply 94March 23, 2023 9:19 PM

No sex. Heck I don’t even masturbate anymore. Lost interest.

by Anonymousreply 95March 23, 2023 9:24 PM

Another one for the sexcation team-

Latin America is another option. Partner & I's getaway of choice.

Caveat: Puerto Vallarta is an exception. It's a great gay destination but all the North Americans coming there, many over 50, have created a dynamic of *GENEROSITY* required. Many old gringos willingly pay for play there so don't think your personality or even 9 inch dick will get you attention.

Side note: most American men these days seem incapable of flirting unless it's a passive aggressive tap or woof on an app. While I long for my lost days of flirtatkon, I realize they are not mine alone.

I feel for the future of gays.

by Anonymousreply 96March 23, 2023 10:23 PM

To R96 point, if you want to pursue a relationship, look outside of your race, comfort zone. Also, look at men chat groups in other countries.

If you are solely looking to move on, time will help with that.

by Anonymousreply 97March 23, 2023 11:32 PM

I don’t miss sex at this time.

I want to spend the next year, working on myself. I’ve been at my current job for almost 6 months, soon.

I’m just starting to really feel my confidence coming back, & I want to excel there.

Also, I’m slightly overweight right now. I want to spend the next year really taking GREAT care of myself, by going to the gym, & just doing things that make my life healthier and happier.

I’m also still in need of more therapy. There are things that I still need to work out in therapy, & I’m self aware enough to understand this.

For the first time in a VERY long time, I have the genuine desire to put myself first. I’ve been waiting for this feeling to authentically resonate within me, for more than just a few hours, or a few days. And lo & behold, it has.

I reconnected with someone whom I truly care for, but I’m my honest estimation, I do not believe either of our circumstances are ideal right now.

I’d like to eventually find someone who is genuinely, emotionally available to me. Dating a guy who still has entanglements with others, is as non ideal for me, as it is for him, when I just don’t want to answer to anyone but myself right now.

It’s OK to prioritize one’s self, OP.

Good luck. Wishing you well.

by Anonymousreply 98March 24, 2023 2:57 AM

R88- If you're in NYC and you decide you do want to have some sex while waiting for MR. RIGHT to come along , I would suggest you go to a bathhouse. I read there's only one left in NYC- East Side Club.

by Anonymousreply 99March 24, 2023 3:02 AM

R88 you need to go to an underwear party or just go out and also you need to emphasize that you are hung on the apps and in person.

by Anonymousreply 100March 24, 2023 3:10 AM

Retiring from sex? Nevah. My gentleman callers need me.

by Anonymousreply 101March 24, 2023 3:11 AM

The clubs with basements/dark rooms have taken over the bathhouse market. They are all over the place now, especially nyc. As the bathhouses are closing, this scene is expanding.

by Anonymousreply 102March 24, 2023 3:11 AM

R88- Your life consists of work, sleep, Netflix, trying to score a date and


by Anonymousreply 103March 24, 2023 3:23 AM

OP, just face the facts and give it up already. It's just going to get worse the older you get. Start looking to have interests in a hobby or something like that. Getting old can be a real bitch or rather , is a real bitch.

by Anonymousreply 104March 24, 2023 4:02 AM

R14- Just start TOPPING silly

by Anonymousreply 105March 24, 2023 4:04 AM

Look. I'm just going to ask.

[quote]I have some physical issues that make me particularly unappealing and which I can’t really change.

What does this mean OP?

by Anonymousreply 106March 24, 2023 4:09 AM

R106- He means that he has a SCRAWNY ass and an ACORN sized penis.

by Anonymousreply 107March 24, 2023 4:11 AM

Oh I see R107! I don't know what to say to that actually.

50 seems pretty young to hang it all up is my opinion. I'm 53 and still wank a couple of times a day. I'm a firm believer in that old adage that there's someone for everyone.

by Anonymousreply 108March 24, 2023 4:30 AM

Even Hitler had a girlfriend OP.

by Anonymousreply 109March 24, 2023 6:24 AM

[quote] The clubs with basements/dark rooms have taken over the bathhouse market. They are all over the place now, especially nyc

Where? Where? Are they very sketchy?

by Anonymousreply 110March 24, 2023 6:58 AM

Sex is overrated

by Anonymousreply 111March 24, 2023 11:21 AM

R111-When was the last time you had sex?

by Anonymousreply 112March 24, 2023 5:40 PM

Sounds like you know what the issues are OP and what you need to do to correct them aside from the problems you are vague about which kind of limits a substantive response.

Where sex and friendship are concerned, what you give is what you get! As you grown older what you have to give changes and therefore you must as well.

by Anonymousreply 113March 24, 2023 5:47 PM

R62 That is so sad. Who wants to be treated like a fetish?

by Anonymousreply 114March 24, 2023 9:49 PM

I was a two or three times a day guy in my 20s for about two years, making up for lost time. Cruising, clubs, gaydar, darkrooms, couldn't get enough.

Then it became maybe once a week- again all randoms or fuckbuddies. Now in my late 40s, have zero interest in sex- where at one time I chased guys for sex to the point of exhaustion. My sex drive is dropped to 'negligible'. I don't miss it. The field became 'competitive', so I'm glad for what I got at that time in my life.

by Anonymousreply 115March 24, 2023 9:56 PM

R110 basically all the bars in HK will at least have a room or a night where it goes down.

Red Eye seems to do it a few times a week.

Will add some more. Don’t know about Brooklyn.

It seems to be going mainstream where it used to be seedy and drug fueled o think it’s more of a party vibe now and they do those live onlyfans shoots.

Some are expressly voyer- friendly and some forbid it, requiring all attendees to participate or be booted as a looksy-loo.

by Anonymousreply 116March 24, 2023 10:03 PM

Sex basically stopped happening for me when I turned 40.

I hired a couple of escorts in my 40s, and got some man-on-man contact from strippers and lap dances, but by the time I turned 50 that dried up too. No real interest in hiring escorts (not to mention, with the advent of OnlyFans, really hot escorts just evaporated because they can make money WITHOUT having to have 50 year old out of shape uggos like me pawing and slobbering all over them).

I officially retired from even trying to have sex or any kind of sexual contact with others when I turned 50. And of course Covid made me really double down on that. I barely even socialize anymore. If I need to get off (which is pretty much daily) I just hit up newtmbl or bdsmlr for my porn fix and rub one out. I can't imagine I'll ever actually have sex with another human being again.

by Anonymousreply 117March 24, 2023 10:32 PM

Gosh as a 33 year old this thread scares me.

by Anonymousreply 118March 24, 2023 10:39 PM

R118- Don't worry. I'm 57 years old and I still seek out sex. I had sex at a bathhouse last Saturday. It's still fun too.

by Anonymousreply 119March 24, 2023 10:57 PM

Kevin Sessums in da house at R119!

by Anonymousreply 120March 24, 2023 11:01 PM

R120- Who is this Kevin Sessums person and what is the significance of him?

by Anonymousreply 121March 24, 2023 11:05 PM

R33 it scares me as well. But I’m 54 and the sex is still 2 - 3 times a week. Why would you ever stop!

by Anonymousreply 122March 24, 2023 11:49 PM

OP have you tried Gay Parks? What about paying hot guys? ......Just trying to be helpful....

by Anonymousreply 123March 24, 2023 11:51 PM

"It is best to be a bottom in Cairo but in India you find both tops and bottoms."

All I can think of is the diarrhoea bottoms there.

by Anonymousreply 124March 25, 2023 12:01 AM

So you sex retirees find you have freed up time and energy after retiring from sex?

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 125March 25, 2023 3:49 AM

Who cares, R114? Reframe it as a niche market, not some sad fetish. You could make yourself and someone else really happy if you found each other.

I think the OP and all those who are deprived of sex should learn to top. This is a skill that can be acquired and tops will always be in demand.

by Anonymousreply 126March 25, 2023 5:54 AM

R126 Nailed it, pun intended.

Just turned 47. This last year I somehow developed top vibes without any intention of doing so. 9 out of 10 guys these days want me to top 10. Even more interesting, I am Asian and a bottom my whole gay life.

Happens here at home in SF and other countries. FWIW, Paris is 99% bottom despite all those MENA men.

Only change is more gray in my stubble that multiplied over the pandemic.

by Anonymousreply 127March 25, 2023 4:21 PM


I'd care. I wouldn't want to be some weird thing that someone has sex with. Many years ago, I watched a documentary about a group of women friends all of whom were morbidly obese. They claimed their weight had no effect on their lives. Then, one had surgery to reduce the size of her stomach. She lost weight, her health improved, she looked better, felt better about herself, began to date more, and her friends hated her. Toward the end, one who was a big promoter of "Big Women" started crying and saying that every man she'd dated wanted her only because she was grotesquely fat. They didn't see her as a person.

by Anonymousreply 128March 25, 2023 4:30 PM

R128 Because gay men lusting after cock size and muscle care about the guy as a person?

by Anonymousreply 129March 25, 2023 5:12 PM

There’s a difference between being a fuckboy and a fetishized fattie.

by Anonymousreply 130March 25, 2023 5:17 PM

I am not interested in any sexual relationship/boyfriend situation. 55 here. I date sometimes but when the guy wants to have sex I am not going there.

by Anonymousreply 131March 25, 2023 10:55 PM

Put that mussy in moth balls...

and find something more satisfying to do with your time

by Anonymousreply 132March 25, 2023 11:48 PM

But do you still jerk off OP? Nothing still beats orgasm.

by Anonymousreply 133March 26, 2023 12:22 AM

R131 so what makes it a date?

by Anonymousreply 134March 26, 2023 12:25 AM

R134 Because guys say they are fine in a sexless relationship then they get all pissy when I won't put out. I have even dated guys who have said "I can change your mind"...F THEM.

by Anonymousreply 135March 26, 2023 12:29 AM

[quote] I am not interested in any sexual relationship/boyfriend situation

But r135 you are not interested in a boyfriend situation either! You're a cock tease!

by Anonymousreply 136March 26, 2023 12:59 AM

It's a pickle, OP.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 137March 26, 2023 1:29 AM

R137- That's a beautiful pickle.

by Anonymousreply 138March 26, 2023 1:30 AM

And no back talk. Just don't invite me for salad.

by Anonymousreply 139March 26, 2023 1:31 AM

I was going to go the bathhouse tonight but I took a nap and slept longer than I thought I would so I guess I'll just stay in and continue watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding on HBO.

I SO relate to Toula ( I've seen this movie numerous times)


by Anonymousreply 140March 26, 2023 1:35 AM

I've been a top all my life (really not into bottoming, I've tried), but don't give "top vibes" and literally can't get laid even when I was younger and in good shape. Also, being a top without having a big dick is just a curse, nobody wants me to top them. They're all size queens. Or looking for more girth than I have. Or whatever. I'm average length (REAL average), and below average girth, and kind of a nerd, and a total introvert/wall-flower, so getting laid is not something that has happened to me at all since I turned 40 over 18 years ago. The only sex I've had is groping strippers, lap dances, and two escorts ... and even all THAT stopped about six years ago.

Thank god for internet porn I guess.

by Anonymousreply 141March 26, 2023 1:44 AM

Just had any 63rd birthday. I'm single, in pretty good shape and even though I consider myself pretty sexual (usually jerk off once a day) It has been ages since I had sex - even though I would love to suck some nice hard cock, I don't feel like actually going out and looking for it - not into hooking-up and can't be bothered going to any of the sex parties. I'm a lazy fuck!

I have a good friend I'm quite fond of and find very attractive (don't know iff he feels the same about men) , but I can't imagine having sex with him - but I'd love an overnight smoochy snuggle and cuddle.

by Anonymousreply 142March 26, 2023 1:55 AM

I meant to say "I don't know if he feels the same about ME."

Covid quarantine made me realize that I could go a year without having sex. And not getting any dick didn't kill me.

by Anonymousreply 143March 26, 2023 1:59 AM

[quote] I'd love an overnight smoochy snuggle and cuddle.

Does that count as a relationship of sorts?

by Anonymousreply 144March 26, 2023 2:05 AM

R141- What about a bathhouse?

by Anonymousreply 145March 26, 2023 2:06 AM

I know a 70 yr old “little person” who LIVES to entice men on all the various apps. He smells, and is really creepy. Don’t let this saucy senior fool you! He REEKS!

by Anonymousreply 146March 26, 2023 2:06 AM

R141- You've not had sex since ca. 2004?

by Anonymousreply 147March 26, 2023 2:20 AM

I've not had sex with a mutual partner since 2008, and I've not had sex of any kind (including paid escorts) since about 2017. That was six years ago. It's been six years since I touched (or even fondled through clothing) a dick other than mine.

by Anonymousreply 148March 26, 2023 9:05 PM

OP I haven't read thru this thread, but just judging from my own experience, you have another 20 years before you can say that.

by Anonymousreply 149March 26, 2023 9:08 PM


The person I responded to told OP to look on fetish sites. He was saying that OP should treat himself like a fetish. Unless your fetish is being fetishized, I think that's sad and sick.

by Anonymousreply 150March 26, 2023 9:11 PM

R148- What about trying a bathhouse?

Do you have one near you?

by Anonymousreply 151March 26, 2023 10:02 PM

I’m so happy. Orange Pudding gives me access to the tits and all below.

by Anonymousreply 152April 7, 2023 1:21 PM

I was going to retire from sex and did for a while, but things didn't go as planned and I recently had to unretire from sex.

by Anonymousreply 153April 8, 2023 2:29 AM

Got lucky on Grindr and hooked up a horny 22-year old frat kid this week. Two mornings in a row. I'm more than 2x his age (47).

Maybe I'll consider retiring at 50? As the kid said "Nah" it was "lit."

Yes, I get rejected/ignored more these days (Covid brought the grays out in my stubble more), but I don't need every guy to want me. Sex is too good.

by Anonymousreply 154April 8, 2023 2:17 PM

R154- You go GURL!

by Anonymousreply 155April 8, 2023 4:38 PM
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