Does anyone feel uncomfortable and out-of-place in luxurious, fancy locations?

Yes, OP, I know what you mean -- and that's mostly because I'm put off by the crowd.

I probably would, but I've never been to someplace luxurious enough to make me feel that way. I'm never going to a State dinner at the White House, or an elusive retreat in Dubai, or the Oscars.

R2 What about expensive stores or first class on a plane?

No, because I don't have access to those spaces to begin with. Know your place and stay in your social sphere.

r4 thank you for your input, Mr Hudson...

I haven't been to India, but I know a couple who traveled there and stayed in the most luxuries hotels and resorts. At one place the staff greeted them with a cascade of rose petals. Abject poverty and squalor greeted them outside these hotels, and one half of the couple told me he felt nothing but guilt staying in such luxuriousness while people lived like that outside the gates.

So, did he move out and offer his place to a squalid local r6?

I'm just not terribly impressed with luxurious and fancy, and especially not with the people typically encountered in such locations.

I used to get this feeling about Whole Foods, especially before it got taken over by Amazon. I still hate it and the assholes that shop there and every time something irritates me to the point I tell myself I should stick to Aldi where I belong. Similarly I’d feel this way the few time I’ve stepped into a Saks or Neiman-Marcus.

Good point, R7.

I have no guilt about shopping in high end stores or attending functions in exclusive or luxurious venues.

I feel uncomfortable around people who live luxurious, fancy lives with little thought of how most people live or the grinding problems and inequities around them!

I do, but if I were exposed to them more often, I am certain I'd find a way to get used to it.

I don my coordinating resort wear and say to hell with it.

No.

Never.

First class on a plane, nowadays, is really nothing to be impressed about. You will not feel out of place. Same with first class lounges at airports, everybody is pretty normal.

It's not the location itself, it's the fact that they tend to attract a snobby crowd. Also I think oftentimes such places are only considered "luxurious" because they claim to be, and because of the prices they charge. You pay a premium to be around people who can afford it, without the hoi polloi underfoot, but it's not necessarily all that special.

I was born into fortunate circumstances and opulence has never impressed me much. And trust me, once you know many ultra rich families well enough you find out that behind all the opulence & fancy fronts there hides a high level of commonness. Most all people of means are vastly different when they're in their own habitat behind closed doors, after they've let their guards down and aren't putting on the act anymore. If you're around that for long all the luxury surrounding them loses its luster.

There supposed to make you feel that way OP. That’s the point.

Did the opening of Triangle of Sadness mean nothing to you?

Imposter syndrome is a bitch.

Nah, that is what the marxists want you to feel though.

No. Never. Not once

People often project there will be a "snobby crowd", but these days many of the super-rich are not much different from the Beverly Hillbillies: they came into money from oil, or from corruption, or whatever. They did not spend generations, like the old European and British aristocracies, learning how to act when you had wealth. If they're snobby it's probably a bit hilarious, like when the Kardashians think they're above anyone.

The staff in luxurious hotels and restaurants are usually well trained in how a proper person SHOULD behave, and the one true thing about Pretty Woman is that if you are genuine with them and ask them for guidance they will almost certainly be happy to give it. ("I'm not really his niece." "They never are, dear.")

I've been to a string of fancy events of late, and now I'm invited to a dinner party i do not wish to attend at all. I'm going through a bout of depression.

Fit in and feel comfortable just about anywhere. Unless I'm not dressed right for the place. Then I feel really awkward.

I feel like Molly Brown and I know no matter what that Denver society is judging me.

Something I realized in college, where there were a lot of students from upper middle class and rich families, is that it wasn’t possible to fake it. If you are born and raised in a well-to-do family, then all the nuances and details of the lifestyle are thoroughly part of of who you are. If you were from a poor family, like I was, you can act like the rich people, but they can see the subtle (or glaring) differences between you and them in how you talk and behave, so you can never truly fit in.

I love high end restaurants, classical concerts, fancy hotels, but the other people at those places make me uncomfortable. I feel like they're watching me waiting for me to leave.

R9 I feel the same way about the organic co-op I sometimes go to. Like I'm intruding.

I grew up poor and my mom still is, she lives in a low income building for seniors. I do feel odd when in places where consumption or wealth is conspicuous. I live modestly in an affluent area now. I'm in downtown and there are still boutique stores I have never stepped in, even after nearly 20 years here.

I remember being overwhelmed once at ikea. Yes, ikea! For most, ikea is seen as the place for cheap and starter furniture, but for my mom, she can find better value at even cheaper local stores. I felt guilty that I could afford anything at ikea and I was surrounded by others there too who could do the same.

That was the weirdest example. More common examples were flying business for work. I had colleagues who felt flying business or even first class was a minimum. Meanwhile I fretted that the cost was too burdensome to the company. Idiot.

R25 me at my college, too. It was a huge culture shock.

No.

"I love high end restaurants, classical concerts, fancy hotels, but the other people at those places make me uncomfortable. I feel like they're watching me waiting for me to leave."

Yes, we are.

Please remove yourself immediately.

No. I feel perfectly comfortable flying first class and staying in luxury hotels. There's really nothing to it. Just enjoy and be polite, like you would anywhere.

People who shop at Dean and DeLuca, R31. Get over yourselves.

Yes indeed, OP.

I was uncomfortable as hell when we visited Newport Beach a few years back.

As my UMC snob grandmother’s part time carer, I have to stay in her house quite a lot. She doesn’t like me to touch certain things or eat certain things in the house—unspoken subtext being that trash like me can’t be allowed to enjoy certain luxuries.

R25 if the glaring differences or knowing the subtle clues are important and they’re important to you, you can learn it. That’s how people get ahead.

You can learn a lot in school outside the classroom. Everyone’s not judging you. You’re judging yourself saying you’ll never fit in. If they’re assholes, why would you even want to?

Because the security and social status of your entire family depends on it, R36. That's why people go to the lengths that they do to get their kids into these colleges.

R16 like how the late QEII enjoyed Special K cereal and Coronation Street? And the current Prince Willz loves the football?

[quote] As my UMC snob grandmother’s part time carer, I have to stay in her house quite a lot. She doesn’t like me to touch certain things or eat certain things in the house—unspoken subtext being that trash like me can’t be allowed to enjoy certain luxuries.

R35, it's lovely. that you are your grandmother's custodian.

I hope she doesn't truly make you feel like trash.

MARY!

Hey, R40, what is your problem?

It's low self-esteem, OP. Keep in mind that most luxuries are corporate-sponsored these days. People staying at fancy hotels, dining at Michelin starred restaurants, traveling first class, sitting in owners' box at events are there because of a corporate perk.

r6 I get that feeling when I travel to places like Mexico and the Caribbean. Once I leave the resort grounds, and see how the poor locals who are serving me live, I can't help but feel sad.

I did before but now not. Carry yourself well, be kind, considerate and it will take you out of that element.

I stayed at an incredibly expensive, upscale 5+ star hotel recently, and felt right at home.

[quote][R2] What about expensive stores or first class on a plane?

No, because stores are open to anyone and there used to be a time where you could upgrade at check-in to first class for as little as $50, so neither seemed like much of a luxury.

I would feel more uncomfortable at an event if I thought I wasn't wanted or welcomed, but I'd feel that regardless if it was the Met Gala or someone's potluck. (Im not getting an invite to the Met Gala anytime soon, so I'm not sweating that one)

R9 No need to feel intimidated by stores like Saks or Neiman or Whole Foods. Yes, there used to be hoity toity types that shopped there, but the internet has been the great equalizer in terms of acquisition of disposable income. Plenty of trash frequent these stores, at least from what I see in California. And don’t let some minimum wage shopgirl throw you an attitude. They’re not getting paid anymore than the fat frau at Kohl’s. Sometimes you have to put people in their place.

Maybe 25 years ago but now everyone is trash. Class is dead. And grace is a relic of a bygone era.

Just before the pandemic I stayed at a 5-star hotel in Amsterdam on business, which I could never have afforded on my own dime. I approached the concierge desk and in front of me was a woman who was obviously rich and entitled, berating the concierge loudly and rudely. I couldn’t tell what the problem was but she carried on for a while and the poor concierge looked humiliated but resigned, like he’d been through this before.

When the woman finally left, I stepped up, greeted him politely and asked how he was before making my small request. From the look on his face you would have thought I’d handed him a winning lottery ticket.

Remember that next time you feel intimidated by staying at a fancy hotel.

I feel in such places like a fortunate little boy.

No, I’m sorry. I never feel out of place in such locations.

I barely notice the others around me unless we are part of the same group.

Don’t feel awkward, OP: just enjoy yourself.

[quote]And don’t let some minimum wage shopgirl throw you an attitude. They’re not getting paid anymore than the fat frau at Kohl’s. Sometimes you have to put people in their place.

"You only work in a shop, you know...you can drop the attitude"

[quote] hey’re not getting paid anymore than the fat frau at Kohl’s.

Oh, dear.

I think in a past life I lived in luxury attended by plentiful servants because I find it very easy to get used to and feel right at home.

My biggest worry at luxury places resorts, restaurants, stores, etc. is my clothes. I try. I do try. But I feel self conscious because I know that even my best is not up to the quality of the stuff I see on other people.

I remember Kathy Bates as Molly Brown being on the receiving end of the old money people's snootiness, but not letting it deter her from participating in their social rituals. Then when the ship is finally gone down, she is the only one with a hint of concern or compassion for the people left behind in the water.

[quote]My biggest worry at luxury places resorts, restaurants, stores, etc. is my clothes.

Oh, I've walked into the nicest stores in absolute trash clothes with my boyfriend and I swear, all the salesperson saw was "double income, no kids". We were treated like royalty. I think if there's one perk to being gay (besides sex with hot men) it's that salespeople see us all as willing to drop $15,000 on a lamp no matter how we're dressed.

No I don't, because I essentially believe that we're all the same and any illusion of superiority is just that, an illusion. My strategy has always been to be myself in any situation and not worry about the rest of the crowd. Deep inside, every person on Earth is insecure, including those people you're intimidated by.

Keep in mind that the truly wealthy generally aren't shopping or staying in resorts. They have things sent to them, personal shoppers, fly private, stay in private homes or hotel suites with private dining rooms, etc. You're very unlikely to rub elbows.

I'm 50 and I notice it less in terms of luxury and fancy places.....but more that a few "hispter" kind of restaurants have looked down on me and my BF when seating us.

I assume it's our age - we are by no means stars or fashion models but we take care of ourselves, etc. But we aren't the Instagrammable hipster types they want sitting in the window seat, so a few times we've gotten the wrinkled nose, table-right-outside-of-the-kitchen seat.

No, as long as I'm properly dressed, I never feel out of place. However, a lot of very wealthy people have very retrogressive views, and I am afraid my disdain will show on my face when they utter a racist, classist, or anti-Semitic statement.

R9 You should see my Whole Foods, here in Deploraville it's filled with deplorables who don't know anything about what they're looking at.

What I love about Atlanta is that you can go to the classiest Restaurant or hotel bar, or whatever, and Shanaynay and her girls are there and no one gives a shit. Dress in your best, or whatever. People just want to have fun. The wealthy upper middle classes stay home. Fuck them.

R62 Is there something to know?

So many wealthy people are incredibly boring. I find the moneyed stiflingly crusty for the most part.Its such a waste.

Yes. I live in a really nice neighborhood...lots of high end boutiques, cafes, etc, it's way out of my league, but I rent my tiny one bedroom from my sister in law's mom who rents it to me dirt cheap and under the table....I always considered myself as middle/upper middle class without any complex about class but even I feel it here....people here wear Gucci to walk their dogs. Honestly, I'd prefer something more middle brow, though most people dont get it because it is a very nice neighborhood, but with the little I pay in rent it would end up costing more to move to a more normal place.

I prefer boutique shops and smaller luxury hotels now. I use to feel fine in the Ritz Carlton and Saks environment but the crowd has become so Kardashian, trashy and woke.

Not at all, lol. I don’t like over the top bad taste mixed with opulence. But if done well, luxury is wonderful.

I am currently poolside at a Ritz Carlton. When I was growing up, "the Ritz" was the ne plus ultra of class and sophistication. The place is full of kids, disengaged moms, a few DILFs, and a group here for a convention.

I'm a self-confident and outgoing person so if I'm ever uncomfortable I know how how to engage people or, failing that, extricating myself from the situation quickly. Not everyone belongs everywhere.

I used to feel it more when I was younger. Now that I'm old, I don't really care so much what others think. Also I have more money and own an expensive car. So if I'm in some snooty area, I just think, I own a BMW and I belong here too. If it really bothers you invest in one high end item, like a very expensive scarf or wallet. That helps with the confidence level.

No, but my maid does.

Old money doesn’t hang out at these basic places anymore. Most of these areas have been taken over by the Instagram hos and Hoodrat bitches, who just want selfies by the pool with espresso martinis.

I feel you, r55.

I was never a “clothes horse” and most of my wardrobe is from the local thrift stores. I just never had any desire to spend gobs of cash on something that will not last a year or can only be worn once.

When Covid first hit, I began donating to the local orchestra because reasons. Now I’m on their mailing list for tickets and fundraising and such. As much as I would love to attend the orchestra, I probably never will because I don’t want to spend a fortune on clothes I can only wear once.

Hunny the upper middle class have private clubs and to golf and swim at and tennis, etc. And they do lunch and dinner and monthly dances, and they only have to talk to one another and don't ever worry about their kids being with a "bad element." LOL! They ARE the "Bad Element."

I do, I was always taught (even if unintentionally), that money equaled class.

R25 What are the main differences? Is it body language?

R76 for truly wealthy kids there is a reservation and confidence that poor kids don’t have. Poors also will let things slip in conversation that wealthy would not, saying things like “motherfucker”. Also don’t confuse Upper Middle Class with wealthy. The lines have become very blurred now though, as trashy culture has taken over social media which the wealthy are on too.

R48 Is everyone really trash nowadays?

Money can't buy you class.

R77 It's probably because rich kids know they're financially set for life. They never have to worry about homelessness or unemployment. It's easy for them to walk around with their heads held high because they know everything will be okay.

Whereas the poor kids might feel stupid trying to look confidence and cool because their future is unreliable. What if they can't find a well-paying job? How can they feel good about themselves when one wrong move could make them homeless?

I've always had an extreme fear of becoming homeless. It's like, imagine looking great and smiley on your graduation day, so young and full of potential, and then nothing afterwards works out and you end up with nothing. I'd feel ashamed and cringey, thinking to myself "how could I let myself think I'd have a good future?"

Even if rich kids fail at everything, they won't be homeless.

^ it's the way they speak, speaking correctly, the way they carry themselves, commanding attention, no excuses, etc

R81 But being from a rich family doesn't automatically make them more intelligent. Look at all the bland nepotism celeb offspring who can barely string together a sentence, despite having gone to elite private schools.

Look. Imagine yourself in a really foreign country where you don't know the language or the customs. YOu try. YOu learn a few phrases and you try to observes the customs but there's an awkwardness and self consciousness to it all for you. That's what it feels like when you're around the super wealthy born and bred.

R83 I just found this interesting video on the topic. Ginnie Sayles tells people how to fit in with the rich.

I used to work at a high-end hotel. Some of my coworkers were unpleasant / snooty. I groused to a friend about that. My friend said that I should ask my snooty coworkers: "Did you check in or did you punch in?"

When you're in an expensive hotel, you're mostly interacting with service people, who are probably close, class-wise, to you. That should make you feel more comfortable. R49's story is helpful. If you're polite and respectful, the workers will usually be appreciative and will go out of their way to help you.

OP? If you don’t have any money or achievements, what are you doing in luxurious, fancy places?

Stick to Walmart and Costco.

R85 / former high-end hotel worker here, again.

Another thing to remember is that a lot of a hotel's income comes from (or used to come from) conventions involving average Joe people. I remember, in particular, a convention of people who worked in "recovery," i.e., repossession people. Those guys drank A LOT.

R22- call in a bomb threat if u rly do not want to go

Make classy new friends when Homeland Security shows up at your place.

my grandfather worked during the golden age of radio... and he had a wonderful take on enjoying the perks of the station above you. he was from rural Kansas and worked his way up through advertising, ... where basically you were feeding the public a line of BS 24/7.

one of my favorites was him introducing himself as Senator Davis from Kansas at a fancy restuarant or hotel to get past the line...... I mean pre internet, who knew?? but he was a great tipper, and took care of all the folks the make it happen. They were more important to him than the class he was socializing with.

Yup… out of place

The college I attended was full of private school, boarding school types. My dorm was full of them. I've never felt poorer in my life. They discussed holidays spent skiing in winter and jet skiing in summer. While mine was spent down at the farm at my grandparents. They drove fancy cars. Didn't have to get a part time jobs. While my college years were spent hustling, working and studying

^ sounds like mine but I didn't get to go to a fancy farm for break. However, it was fun and the best experience of my life.

I think Prince Harry and Meghan Markle feel like you do, OP.

R77, I’m sorry, but insinuating that rich people don’t use foul language is quite ridiculous.

I’ve been around enough old money and some German nobility to be able to tell you otherwise. You’d be disappointed to find out that they use terrible language, fart, poop, and can have awful manners at times, just like everybody else.

When you’re around fancy people, just treat them the way you would treat anyone else or a bit worse, and they’ll love you.

Parts of the Ritz in London, all of Claridges, any shop in Mayfair. Oddly noting in NY throws me but I can feel really intimidated in parts of London, which is internationally rich. I just feel like I can afford to be there at the time, but I can't afford to be there every day... and the staff know it. They can't smell it like a horse smells a rattlesnake.

[quote] Shanaynay and her girls are there

I they're sitting at the bar Shanaynay and her girls are prostitutes and the bartender is pimping for them. He gets a nice cut.

R93. The farm is where I worked during the summer and where the family gathered during Christmas. Nothing fancy about that

I understand your feelings but it's all about your level of comfort with yourself and your surroundings. I was taught to be comfortable in any situation- be it a truck stop in Kansas City or the Ritz in Paris was the mark of a gentleman. I'm typically polite to everyone and intimidated by only a few people or occasions. Yes, I was born wealthy and will die wealthy. But the money is less important than having respect for yourself. It's far more easy to do this if you're pretending to be someone you're not. People are just people but with different window dressing.

I did met the late Queen at a birthday party years ago and I was all but tongue tied. But, that was more out of respect for her and the history she represented and certainly not about me.

R98, hun, it was a joke. I was going to call you Rose but you went to college.

My mother likes to think she's upper class (upper middle class maybe), and likes to stay in 5 star hotels, eat at Michelin restaurants. When we were in Bangkok, we stayed at the Mandarin, where the employees run into the elevator before you do, and press the button for your floor. I alway felt like an asshole whenever they did that, and would try to sneak into the elevator when they weren't looking. I wasn't very successful.

I recently stayed at the Conrad Hilton in Bora Bora (thanks to points), and was upgraded to a $2700/night villa. Didn't feel out of place, because everyone looked so....common? I felt more out of place in restaurants in Boston.

[quote] I was taught to be comfortable in any situation- be it a truck stop in Kansas City or the Ritz in Paris was the mark of a gentleman.... Yes, I was born wealthy and will die wealthy.

MARY. The gist of this thread seems to be lower- and middle-class people going into luxury-type settings. Not about someone "born wealthy [who] will die wealthy" feeling comfortable from Kansas City to the Ritz in Paris.

Best thing I've read in this thread is about treating the help well. That is SO true. Those really are the people that matter. Whether it's the desk clerk or house keeping or room service, Be kind. Be appreciative. And understand that they are earning a pittance. There were some pretentious Europeans and Saudis, and Americans there. Very rude, snapping fingers, ordering people around, complaining about nothing. I on the other hand, was kind. I was polite and considerate and smiled and asked how the staff was doing, etc. and they LOVED me. They brought fresh flowers to my room for no reason. (My room was just standard not fancy.) They would give me special treats at breakfast, they were just beyond thoughtful. Very warm and friendly. And they surmised I was Gay. So it had no effect. I never felt unsafe or unwelcomed. Be nice to the help. They are literally the only ones who matter. You will get perks and extras you never dreamed of.

I've posted this before but I read a book once about life in a hotel and the thing I remember is always, always, always tip the maid especially. She cleans up your spunky sheets, the flushes the toilet you forgot, she finds your remains after you off yourself, she has the single worst, toughest job in the damn place so don't forget to tip her decently.

I mean, obviously you can probably get away without tipping if you're there to off yourself. But otherwise tip the damned maid.

These sorts of threads (and they are frequent enough on DL) are fascinating and I appreciate everyone's honesty.

Here's the thing though, as someone from that world: no one is monitoring you. Monitoring - taking stock of what you are wearing, your hairstyle, clothing, way of speaking, what you order--that's something the type of gay men who are part of "the gay scene" do and why so many other gay men constantly feel that everyone is judging them.

But the truth is, unless you are wearing or doing something something that really stands out -- neon green leather chaps-- no one is going to really take notice.

The tell, which happens at some point, is that we all tend to know each other somehow. I grew up in New York, but if, say, I meet someone around my age from Los Angeles and they went somewhere like Harvard-Westlake or Crossroads, then chances are high we know a half-dozen people in common, from camp, college, first jobs, friends-of-friends, etc.

But no one is judging you, least of all the clerks in a high-end store who are, after all, not actual rich people, but what DL derisively refers to as "shop bottoms."

^^and by "the tell" I don't mean to imply that anyone is judging you if you grew up in a small town in Flyoverstan. Most people I know take people as they find them, e.g., who they are today, are they good people, fun to be around, etc.

"The tell" is when someone is pretending to be something they are not.

Well, R107, look what happened to Kate Middleton. She went to all the same schools, knew people in common, but was rejected for years by the aristo friends.

And still is by DL. I'm not sure no one is judging. I think most people are so insecure they're watching everybody else like radar.

[quote] I think most people are so insecure they're watching everybody else like radar.

You need to stop spending so much time with other homosexuals.

[quote] look what happened to Kate Middleton. She went to all the same schools, knew people in common, but was rejected for years by the aristo friends.

I suspect that had more to do with who she was and who they were, rather than anything about her background.

Not true, R110. The aristo pals called Kate 'doors to manual' because her mother was a flight attendant. There are no accounts anywhere of Kate being a bitch. I hope she remembers and pays them back accordingly when she's queen.

LOL. It means THEY are assholes and clearly there was something about her that set them off--not every fat kid or very flaming gay kid gets picked on either.

Plus you were not there. You are hearing gossip fifth-hand from a website and so there's a very very high chance it is invented, embellished or was said once or twice. What you describe is the behavior of an insecure 13 year old, not an adult.

But way to completely miss my original point which was not that going to the same schools makes you instant besties, but rather, if someone is pretending to be something they're not, a George Santos-type situation, that the connection thing is where they usually get tripped up.

[quote]You need to stop spending so much time with other homosexuals.

Two of my straight friends -- one male, one female -- are constantly criticizing others' looks, dress, decorating, cooking, etc. They're not rich, just comfortably middle-to-upper-middle class. It's funny because they don't know each other but they have similar personalities -- they're very self-absorbed and they project absolute confidence. I wonder if that confidence is actually a bit shaky and they bolster it by tearing others down.

I feel weird and strange

[quote] Two of my straight friends -- one male, one female -- are constantly criticizing others' looks, dress, decorating, cooking, etc.

He's not straight!!

That does not conform to our stereotype of a straight man!!

Closet Homo! Closet Homo!!

Actually, no, even though I grew up lower middle class and spent a decade working in hospitality. I never get the feeling like "people like me" don't belong somewhere. I've never flown first class (I would LOVE to) but I've been to places like the Mandarian Oriental in London, fancy boutiques in Mayfair, and upscale NYC cocktail bars, and felt perfectly at home. Maybe it's because I worked in luxury hotels myself...I know the people working there are just regular people with normal lives. I'm always nice to them and tip well.

Years ago, I bought a very expensive Chanel bag. For me, it was ridiculously priced, but I wanted a statement bag that would never go out of style. Normally, I'm just your average Jane and buy budget minded clothes and accessories. I kept the bag in the original sack, along with the documentation...but never used it. It sat in my closet. It just didn't feel right for me and didn't feel comfortable in carrying it. I'm not wealthy and very average...nothing special. It felt like I was trying to be something that I wasn't...what was I trying to prove. I eventually sold it on a secondary market that sells high end designer goods.

Truly secure, good people , whether poor or wealthy, don’t have to put effort into putting others down or making others feel uncomfortable.

I wasn’t one of them but whoever upthread observed that the students I went to undergraduate school with who came from affluent households did have a certain ease and confidence to them.

That’s because from the first breath they drew they breathed in the air of belonging.

I’ve been around long enough to know, however, that wealthy people have pain, anguish l, heartache in their lives just like any poor person does.

They just experience those in a different environment.

No way am I arguing class divisions don’t exist; they do. I’m just saying that there are good and bad people in every socio-economic class.

Sorry about the grammar errors^

R117 points to something that's important. A lot of people want that "statement piece." But if you don't have the lifestyle or the accompanying clothes to go with it is stands out in a way you don't want it to. And you look very "try hard." Things should fit together even if you do mix the expensive with the common. When it comes to your appearance, certain things you can get away with. Certain things you can't.

Because of a strange confluence of professional and person events, I now socialize with in a very wealthy UES crowd. Before I was part of that world, it would scare the shit out of me. What I learned, and quickly, is that the same awkwardness, insecurity, and whatever else exists among this crowd as well. Whether H&M or Chanel, it’s all just costuming and performance. We are all just naked little babies, and we are all a fucking mess.

Two of the phrases that instantly put you off a post: You need and I suspect.

No, I blend into the environment and adapt to it. I don't allow people to intimidate me.

Oh, r117, that makes me sad! You bought something you loved and wanted that you felt was beautiful yet you never carried it!

That is sad. Carry it for you to the damned grocery store! It’s YOUR beautiful thing and you deserve to have it and take it with you.

I find myself seated at the bar (“we don’t have any tables available”) in these kind of places.

Kinda related. My husband's family is rich and very generous (thcore!). They rent a compound overlooking the ocean in the Dominican Republic every year and take us. Full staff, chef, bartender, etc. But I always feel just gross knowing how poor these people are.

I window shopped at Van Cleef and Arpels but didn't dare to go inside.

[quote] Years ago, I bought a very expensive Chanel bag.

R117, which one did you get? Years ago, on my one and only trip to Paris, I went into a Louis Vuitton store (LV stuff is cheaper in Paris) and bought one of their lower-end items (small pouch bag, more like a toiletry bag, really). I, also, didn't feel comfortable using it. I gave it to a friend, who never uses it.

I'm different and I don't try to fit in. I now keep my distance from people, poor or rich. I y not to let them know this.

Once...I took a train into NYC to walk around and go into some high end stores. I went into Bergdorf Goodman, Neiman Marcus and Barneys. I felt a little self conscious, but overall....the experience was good. I think I went into Saks Fifth Avenue, too. I didn't buy anything, as it was too expensive for me. I just wanted to see what the big deal was about these stores. I didn't feel like anyone sneered at me...just walked around and browsed, like everyone else. Some salespeople even asked if I needed any help.

If it makes you feel better R128, I am quite well off and never use the LV wallet someone got me as a gift a while back. TBH, they're sort of tacky.

For day to day I use a nylon wallet I got at a street fair about five years ago that is relatively indestructible and for fancy events I have a fancy leather wallet (also a gift) that I use.

The leather wallet is beautiful but it's noticeably bulkier than the cheap nylon one. Sort of like my watch game - I wear an Apple watch day to day, but have a good watch I inherited from my grandfather for occasions. I've gotten so used to the functionality of the Apple watch though -texts and emails on my wrist, that I miss it when I am not wearing it.

R128....I bought a medium sized quilted flap bag in dark brown. It was a beauty. It's a common Chanel style.

Also, I'm pretty hard on handbags. Something that expensive would have to be treated like kid gloves...at least for me. It was an investment.

Any place that makes you feel unwanted or uncomfortable because of how you look or dress or your perceived income level is not truly a high-end establishment.

Not really, unless uneducated nuveau riche people occupy these places and I have to communicate with them, I'm usually fine.

[quote] Not really, unless uneducated nuveau riche people occupy these places and I have to communicate with them, I'm usually fine.

Oh, dear. It's "nouveau riche."

Poor R135. Of all the times to fuck up, with pomposity in full sail. LOL.

I met a friend for High Tea at The Dorchester in London and I felt out of place. It is very high class. Like stepping back in time. Opulent.

[quote] They did not spend generations, like the old European and British aristocracies, learning how to act when you had wealth.

This ^^ kind of subby, loserish reverence and outsider fascination with ‘old money’ is so desperate and deluded lmao.

[quote] Something I realized in college, where there were a lot of students from upper middle class and rich families, is that it wasn’t possible to fake it. If you are born and raised in a well-to-do family, then all the nuances and details of the lifestyle are thoroughly part of of who you are. If you were from a poor family, like I was, you can act like the rich people, but they can see the subtle (or glaring) differences between you and them in how you talk and behave, so you can never truly fit in.

This has to be like…a version of a humiliation kink right?

These threads are maybe the most embarrassing of any of the recurring threads on here, idk how to even explain it, but anyone engaging with this topic on face value is a lost cause. Be best!

I love watching Gosford Park and seeing all the rich people and then the servants.

I have friends who are richer than I am, so yes, I've occasionally experienced this when they wanted to go some place above my income or social level. It's gotten much easier with time, and the realization that the people who run such places aren't there to be social judges, they're there to take money from anyone who's willing to spend it.

Me, now that I'm doing well, I'm fine with above-average hotels but think that "luxury resorts" aren't worth the money, and due to quitting drinking and some dietary restrictions, I don't have any use for snooty expensive restaurants. I'd rather be at the fabulous little ethnic restaurant where they plunk a pot of tea on your table without asking, and my party are the only white people.

Further to R130, I live in Toronto, where we have a Saks and the shop bottoms are highly skilled cliches. I've been to the Saks in Manhattan a few times and was treated memorably. Professional sales people offering to help, in a friendly way, and then letting you go. I was solidly impressed (and somewhat surprised.)

I had a friend in college. We were from the same town and the college we went to was rich wealthy and upper class kids. Well he spent most of college ears trying to fit in with the rich kids by purchasing designer gear and faking a life of luxury. He always had the most expensive clothing, accessories etc. He even stopped driving when he discovered the uber wealthy kidss were biking around the small town. He went out and purchased the most expensive bike there was. All while on student aid. On top of all this, he refused to take a student job because he wanted to hang out play Frisbee and hackey sack ( this was the 90s) unfortunately he maxed all his credit cards , amassed a huge student debt. After college, he filed for bankruptcy because he couldn't get a proper job to pay his high bills. 20 years later he works at a call centre.

[quote] I had a friend in college. We were from the same town and the college we went to was rich wealthy and upper class kids. Well he spent most of college ears trying to fit in with the rich kids by purchasing designer gear and faking a life of luxury. He always had the most expensive clothing, accessories etc. He even stopped driving when he discovered the uber wealthy kidss were biking around the small town. He went out and purchased the most expensive bike there was. All while on student aid. On top of all this, he refused to take a student job because he wanted to hang out play Frisbee and hackey sack ( this was the 90s) unfortunately he maxed all his credit cards , amassed a huge student debt. After college, he filed for bankruptcy because he couldn't get a proper job to pay his high bills. 20 years later he works at a call centre.

Sure lol.

Hmmmmm....no, nope OP, I don't feel uncomfortable at all.

No, I don't feel uncomfortable uptown and I don't feel uncomfortable downtown either.

It's a function of how comfortable you are within yourself. As long as your parents taught you good manners, you're appropriately dressed and you know what fork to use, it has very little to do with anything or anyone around you.

[quote] I met a friend for High Tea at The Dorchester in London and I felt out of place. It is very high class. Like stepping back in time. Opulent.

Well, R138, that sounds very middle class. If you were at The Dorchester, I think you most likely had afternoon tea (sometimes called 'low tea').

High tea is very working class.

No. Now go get your ass some therapy!