Awful Jobs for Celebrities

Caitlyn Jenner - chauffeuse

Donald Trump - personal chef

Ben Affleck - sobriety coach

Brendad Ickson - editor or actress.

Mail sorters???

Donald Trump — President

Janet Jackson — Singer

Harvey Weinstein - rape crisis counselor

Chris Brown - anger management counselor

Britney Spears - college professor

OJ Simpson - private investigator

Bryan Singer - childcare professional

Ezra Miller-Girls gym coach

Janet Jackson - vocal coach

George W. Bush - librarian

Viola Davis - motivational speaker

Wesley Snipes - accountant

Alec Baldwin - Gun Safety Officer

G. - speech writer

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

[...]

Madonna - Monk

Matt Damon - Hair Sylist

Chrissy Metz - Fit model

Lainie Kazan- store stocker; Bruce Willis- boy's middle school gym teacher; Chrissy Metz- prep cook; Dolly Parton- Amish farm wife; Stormy Daniels- Nun.

Dick Van Dyck - dialect coach

Chloe Sevigny - actress

Paris Hilton - university professor

Kim Kardashian - librarian

Frankie Grande - dermatologist

Liza - speech therapist

Sarah Jessica Parker - equestrian.

Timothee Chalamet - personal trainer

Kevin Spacey - rape counselor

G - Actress (or actor)

Madonna - Image Consultant

Jennifer Lopez - marriage counselor

Nick Cannon - Planned Parenthood president

Cardi B - English teacher

Britney Spears - singer

Madonna - virgin

Coldplay - rock band

Felicity Huffman - college admissions officer

Mel Gibson - Chairman, Anti-Defamation League board of directors

Karen Carpenter - restaurant reviewer

Jen Shah - gerontology nurse

Madonna - Nun Michael Jackson - Home Childcare Provider Mariah Carey - Polygraph Examiner or Fitness Personal Trainer

Bryan Singer, youth pastor.

Chrissy Teigen - Youth Counselor

Madonna - acting coach

Mel Gibson - rabbi

Michael Jackson - youth minister

Lori Loughlin - admissions director

Johnny Depp - bodywash spokesperson

Roseanne - BLM president

George Michael - parks & rec director

Boiy George Drug Counselor

Joan Van Ark - plastic surgeon

Paul Walker - Universal Studios backlot tram driver

Tom Cruise - Raymour & Flanigan showroom salesperson

Jamie Lee Curtis - Academy Award PR Director

King Charles - Pen Salesman

Queen Camilla - Bra Fitter

Prince William - Seller of magazines on a street corner for more than a few hours

Catherine, Princess of Wales - Smoking Cessation Coach

Prince Harry - Mental Health Advocate.

Meghan, Duchess of Montecito - Geriatric Hospice Nurse.

Mark Wahlberg - Curator of Asian History Museum

Any Kennedy - Bodyguard

Christian Bale - Anger Management Counselor

Mark Wahlberg - AAPI Diversity Manager

Elliott Smith- Knife safety consultant.

Armie Hammer - Chef

Shawn Mendes - Drill Sergeant

Sam Smith - Stylist

Demi Lovato - Mental health professional

Kanye West - Psychiatrist

Asia Argento - High school teacher

Cardi B - Nun

Chrissy Metz - Dietitian

Michael Strahan - Elocution Coach

Amber Heard - Heterosexual couples counselor

Brad Pitt - Hygiene Coach

Matthew McConaughey - Assistant Hygiene Coach

R29 There is a such a job as professional virgin? What a cunt.

R51 Dammit you beat to me Cardi B and nun.

Bryan Singer - Priest

Jada Pinkett Smith - Housewife

Ted Danson-Professor of African American Studies

Whoopi Goldberg-Professor of Holocaust/Jewish Studies

Kanye - Holocaust Museum Curator

R60 There is no such thing as a holocaust studies. What a cunt you are.

Cardi B - Spanish teacher

[quote] There is no such thing as a holocaust studies. What a cunt you are.

Not R60 but yes there is.

Debra Winger - Homemaker

Maureen McCormick - Nun

Lisa Lampanelli - Kindergarten teacher

Sonny Bono - Ski instructor

I stand corrected. Apologies.

Elliot Page - bodybuilder

Donald Trump - Ethics Officer

George Santos - Human Resources Rep

Kelly Rowland - Project Team Lead

Marjorie Taylor Greene- gay and lesbian studies professor

Glenn Close - Loss Prevention Manager

Gloria and Emilio Estefan-boating instructors

Patti LuPone - Anger Management Coach

Frances McDormand -supermodel

Sam Smith - biology teacher

Austin Butler-Elvis impersonator

Ashlee Simpson - Rock Star

Avril Lavigne - Punk

Amy Winehouse - Sobriety Coach

[quote] Whoopi Goldberg-Professor of Holocaust/Jewish Studies

OR...

Rape Crisis Counsellor. You know the first question she'd ask is "But, was it rape rape"?

Gwyneth Paltrow-EBT case worker.

R80 you must mean welfare case worker or social worker. There is no such thing as an EBT case worker.

Bill Cosby - pharmacist

Will Smith - boxer

Shawniqua Mendes - Conversion therapy coach

Neil Hannon - National Express Bus Driver

Christina Aguilera - Makeup Artist

Beyonce - Audiobook Narrator

Britney Spears - Fashion Stylist

R Kelly - Middle School Teacher

Jeffrey Jones - Weight Loss Coach

Some of these have really made me giggle.

Kirsty MacColl - keel inspector

Anne Heche - Driving instructor or insurance agent

Paula Deen - Soul food restaurant owner

Casey Anthony - Childcare provider

R21 I think you mean...

Liza - shpeech sherapisht

O J - Anger management counselor

Faye Dunaway - Dry Cleaner Clerk

Steve Harvey - Election official

Liza Minnelli - Professional Matchmaker for straight people

Robert Downey Jr. - DEA Agent

Leo - HR Manager

Jennifer Lawrence - Guidance Counselor

Colin Farrell - prison guard (he'd make all the inmates want to stay in their cells & watch him walk by)

Liza Minnelli - Speech Language Pathologist

Linda Blair - Professional Mourner

William Shatner - Lifeguard

Caitlin Jenner - life coach

Stevie Wonder- pilot

Hilaria Baldwin - Planned Parenthood Doc

Whitney Houston - Drug Addiction Counselor

Leo - Gigolo(for women)

Madonna - vocalist

One of the most original fun threads on here in sometime OP. I wanna fuck you.

Chris Brown - Anger management therapist

Oprah Winfrey - Weight Watchers spokesperson (Oh, wait…..)

Marilyn Manson - Pastor

Steve Buscemi - porn star

(I do love him though)

Btw I have to “oh, dear” myself for misspelling Dick Van Dyke earlier in this thread)

R107 i preferred the one where celebrities were giving lessons in classes (ie Mel Gibson, history of the Holocaust) . Was back in Jan I think. But this one is pretty good.

Donald Trump - Etiquette Coach

Tori Amos - Professional Widow

Maxi Jazz - Professional Sleeper

Princess Diana - Sales Executive at a Mercedes dealership

Jeremy Renner - Snow removal vehicle operator

Meghan Markle - Ethics Professor

Amber Heard - Poop Scooper

Matthew Perry - Pharmaceutical Sales Rep

Joaquin Phoenix - First Responder

Sylvester Stallone - Dialect coach

Matthew Broderick - Uber Eats delivery driver

Lauren Boebert - head of Planned Parenthood

Trump - makeup artist

Marjorie Taylor Greene - supermodel

Ron DeSantis - head of the ACLU

Linda Evangelista - Any job in which she will be paid "less than $10,000 a day".

Mitch McConnell - male model

Lindsey Graham - editor of "Out" magazine

Tupac - high school guidance counselor

Adam Levine - Sex symbol

Jackie Onassis: Ballistics

Elizabeth Taylor- marriage counselor

Ron DeSantis - librarian

Debra Messing - Singing Instructor

William S. Burroughs-Handgun Safety Advisor.

G- Actor

Ben Affleck - Life Coach

Jamie Lee Curtis - Skin Care Spokesperson

[...]

[...]

Harrison Ford – commercial airline pilot

Michael Vick – dog walker

Ghislaine Maxwell – headmistress of girls’ boarding school

Sarah Palin – Governor

Michelle Williams – dominatrix

Sean Penn -Klansmen

Michael J Fox - Waiter

Joan Crawford - daycare owner

Kathy Griffin - Erotica Narrator

Ryan Murphy - soap opera head writer

Lizzo - stand-in for Lupita Nyong'o

Lindsay Lohan - Elizabeth Taylor impersonator

Kevin Spacey - headmaster at a boys' boarding school

OJ Simpson - marriage counselor

Casey Anthony - babysitter

Jack Grealish - Anything involving brain work

Catherine Zeta-Jones - AARP spokesperson

Charlene Tilton - actress

Dianne Feinstein - playing the title character in a remake of Lolita

Michael Jackson - Boy Scouts of America Scout Camp Team Leader

Matt Gaetz - high school teacher

Lauren Boebert - president of MENSA

Jada Pinkett Smith – stand-up comic

Ariana Grande – employee at Krispy Kreme or Dunkin’ Donuts

Jenna Ortega-runway model

Jenna Ortega - Any job the "normal" girls do.

Bjork - Anything but what she is, a professional weirdo

Condolleeza Rice - National Security Advisor

Ellen DeGeneres - Human Resources Manager

Charlie Sheen - therapist

Calista Flockhart - Burlesque Dancer

Jamie Lee Curtis - Trappist nun

Randy McNally - IT expert

Pete Buttigeieg - Airline CEO

Bill Cosby - Gynecologist

Bill Cosby - running a tasting room at a winery

Kevin Spacey - proctologist

R174 Also, train engineer

Guess the Republican trolls who think Pete personally derailed the train have invaded.

R179 Well, he probably did it with that slick sex lube he uses to cornhole that little manwife of his.

Chasten probably rode those rails for eight miles just to apply an even coating of the stuff. The little whore loved it, too.

Randy McNally- grand marshal of a Pride parade

Claire Danes- marriage advice expert

Mariah Carey - information booth

Matt Schlapp - Dean at a men's college

Lauren Boebert - "abstinence only" Christian sex-ed counselor

Alex Murdaugh - marriage and family counselor

Paul Murdaugh- ship's captain

Dick Cheney - hunting guide

Liz Cheney- Trump's new campaign manager

George Santos - chairman of the House ethics committee

Ron DeSantis - the new co-host of RuPaul's drag race

Shakira - Casio spokesperson

Pique - Rolex spokesperson

Madonna - stylish showing older women how to dress their age

Ben Affleck - bartender

Matt Damon - head of GLAAD, faggots!

Celine Dion - Glassmaker

Bad Bunny - Speech and language therapist

Roseanne Barr - Professor of Critical Race Studies

Brendan Fraser -Taint Inspector

LIz Truss - Economist

Novak Djokovic - Doctor

Mike Tyson - Accountant

Britney Spears - Grammar Nazi

Gym Jordan - detective investigating sexual abuse

Joan Collins - author

Joan Crawford - Au pair

Robert Redford - he told me he used to drive a lot of cabs.

Andy Dick - sobriety coach

Austin Butler - stand-in for Brendan Fraser in The Whale 2

Simon Cowell - plastic surgeon

Julian Sands - sherpa guide on Mt. Everest

Leonardo DiCaprio - Operatic Tenor

Donald Trump Jr -- PETA spokesperson

Donald Trump Jr -- addiction counselor

Mitt Romney - chairman of the ASPCA

Sarah Huckabee Sanders - Miss Universe

Jeffrey Dahmer - Mortician

Jimmy Savile - elementary school teacher

Prince Andrew - headmaster at a girls' school

Glenn Close - head of AMPAS

Tems - Surveyor

Lauren Bacall; nurse

Natalie Wood, swimming instructor

Anne Heche, taxi driver

Naya Rivera, skipper

Lindsay Lohan - mother

Olivia de Havilland, nun

R220 what a dumb cunt you are. That isn’t a job.

Nicholas Cage - matchmaker or marriage counselor

DaBaby - LGBTQ+ Caseworker

Being a mother is the hardest job in the world.

Donald Trump, POTUS...Oh...wait

Woody Allen, babysitter

Prince Charles / King of England

Julian Sands / mountain ranger

Jayne Mansfield / Shampoo bottle designer

Charles Manson / midwife

Gary Glitter - child care

Bernie Sanders - CEO of a large business

Chrissy Metz - Weighr Watchers Counselor.

*Weight.

Muriel, we need an edit button.

Selma Diamond - Singer

Drew Barrymore, speech therapist.

Debra Messing - Human Resources Rep/Alcohol and Drug Counselor

Joan Rivers - Anti-Nepotism Advocate

Ralph Nader, race-car driver.

Leona Helmsley, tax lawyer.

Stephen Hawking, Mt Everest sherpa.

Bob Barker, slaughterhouse worker.

Jonathan Winters, psychiatrist.

Jack Grealish, cloistered monk

Madonna - nun, Sunday school teacher

Donald Trump - real estate mogul, casino owner, president of anything

Melania Knauss - high fashion model

Ozzy Osbourne, Jimmy Page, Britney Spears, Amy Winehouse, Anthony Kiedis, David Bowie, Whitney Houston, Kurt Cobain, Neil Young, Dave Navarro etc - drug counselor

Pope Benedict, stand-up comic.

Mayim Bialik, Jeopardy host.

Bill Gates, humble servant.

Juan Valdez, tea grower.

Tom Daley, sumo wrestler.

Bea Arthur, monologueist

Tom Cruise, professional basketball player.

Matthew Broderick, ambassador to Ireland.

Barney Frank, director of a failed bank.

Elon Musk, Liberal warm hearted humanitarian

James Franco, intimacy coordinator

Sarah Ferguson, "So long as it pays, no job is too awful for me."

Gerry Adams, Royal Equerry.

Madeleine McCann, baby-sitter.

Miss Lindsey- stripper

Chris Christie - dietitian

Rand Paul - good neighbor

Tony Blair, lie detector operator.

Boris Johnson, hair stylist.

Brooklyn Beckham, a real job. ("No Dad, please. Anything but that.")

Gore Vidal, valet to Wm. F. Buckley, Jr.

Norman Mailer, valet to Gore Vidal.

R263 It's lovely to see all Beckham's sons inherited all their mother's talents... none.

Elon Musk - heating and air technician

Kellyanne Conway- A mime

The Huckabees & Trumps- Animal Rights Advocates

Olivia de Havilland, presenting the Best Actress Oscar to Joan Fontaine.

Ted Cruz - Driving Miss Lindsey

Robert Wagner, lifeguard.

Christopher Walken, innocent bystander

Chasten B. - trucker

Sarah Huckabee - high fashion model

Jane Sanders- President of a private college

Alec Baldwin - sharp shooter.

Dick Van Dyke, NASCAR driver

Sting - spokesman for a deodorant product

Alvin from the Cosby Show- cashier at Trader Joe’s.

John Wayne - affirmative action director

Kevin Spacey - Intimacy Coordinator

Al Franken, career counselor.

Sam Bankman-Fried, laundry owner.

Jim Jones, Kool-Aid pitchman

Margaret Elliot - retail

Esther Rolle, necklace model

Steve Buscemi - dentist

OJ Simpson - Door to door knife salesman

Kurt Cobain - Suicide Prevention hotline operator

Roseanne Barr = Sensitivity Trainer.

Naomi Campbell = Anger Management Specialist.

Anne Heche = Driver's Ed., Teacher

Leslie Jordan - BMW Pitch Man.

[quote] Kurt Cobain - Suicide Prevention hotline operator

Ted Bundy was terrific in that job.

Jeffery Dahlmer - Arby's

Beyoncé = anything that requires a sixth grader reading level.

R294 I wonder if he did that because he had a sexual fetish for death (he'd go back to bodies to have sex with them). Makes me think of how criminals like to get jobs they're awful for e.g. pedos being Scout leaders/teachers to get access to kids.

Lindsay Lohan = Pharmacist.

Lauren Boebert - Neuroscientist

George Santos .- Veterinarian assistant

Josh Hawley - Chippendales dancer/stripper

Marjorie Taylor Greene - Anthropology Professor

Mark David Chapman. President, John Lennon Fan Club.

Al Gore. President, Exxon.

Dr. Kevorkian, life insurance salesman.

Nancy Pelosi. President MADD.

Nancy Pelosi would be a good president. What the fuck does MADD mean?

R307 Mothers Against Drunk Driving.

Gwyneth Paltrow = Ski Instructor

Timothee Chalamet - Bricklayer

Larry Craig = Men's restroom attendant.

Rafael Cruz - Driving Miss Lindsey

Julia Child, the French fry chef at McDonald's.

Ariana Grande - doughnut shop employee

[quote] I wonder if he did that because he had a sexual fetish for death (he'd go back to bodies to have sex with them). Makes me think of how criminals like to get jobs they're awful for e.g. pedos being Scout leaders/teachers to get access to kids.

I think the death fetish factor probably played into why he worked at the suicide hotline and he probably saw kind of game. Bundy was smart enough in the sense where he knew he had to appear empathetic in order to make it at the hotline. I read The Stranger Beside Me when I was in college. I wasn't surprised by the parts of where Rule described him as "charming and he how had a good rapport with people at the hotline". I had a few relatives who were abusive with their spouses and kids, but in some situations they came off as charming and kind when it came to their jobs, social clubs, friends etc.

Joan Crawford - Mommy Blogger

Kamala Harris & Kevin McCarthy

Co-owners of a Chinese cuisine catering business

Leslie Jones-acting teacher

Clarence Thomas, travel writer.

Richard Daley Sr, lip reader.

Jimmy Carter, cuniculturist.

James Joyce, Readers Digest editor.

JFK Jr, pilot.

Lorena Bobbitt = Urologist

Bernie Madoff, SEC Chairman

Miss Lindsey- Peace Corp volunteer

Liz Taylor, marriage counselor.

Marjorie Taylor Green - spokesperson for Natural Instincts hair dye