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Joe passed away, this is Mark

My husband of 51 years died on Jan 12th! He loved

My husband of 51 years passed away on Jan. 12th! I took care of him at the home under the redwoods we have lived in for forty years. I am beyond devastated. I loved him more than life itself. He loved DL and checked it first thing every morning for twenty years. He posted about his illness here and was so appreciative of all the kind responses. He left me with four cats and two dogs to care for. There are 35 cats and 10 dogs buried around the property. We have two close friends and no relatives close by. I am not good at this or most things Joe excelled at which was just about everything. Joe handled every aspect of our life. Now at 71, I have to learn all these new things while grieving. I hope it is okay to sign in as him, I thought people might want to know. My apologies if this breaks some rules.

by Anonymousreply 183March 18, 2023 6:51 AM

Condolences on your loss and may your wonderful memories give you some degree of comfort.

by Anonymousreply 1March 8, 2023 2:18 AM

Op- i love u, focus on ur dogs, join a local gay organisation, never hesitate to ask for help

by Anonymousreply 2March 8, 2023 2:18 AM

It's okay Mark, he told us you'd log in with his account if you decided to post. Thanks for checking in. I hope you're well. Joe was a good guy and had a lot of support on DL, and so do you. Take care.

by Anonymousreply 3March 8, 2023 2:21 AM

focus on ur cats n dogs, r they neutered. R there any one to help u during ur grieving hours

by Anonymousreply 4March 8, 2023 2:22 AM

God bless Joe’s soul And give you comfort Mark .

by Anonymousreply 5March 8, 2023 2:24 AM

Thank you, Mark. You and Joe will live in Dl’s memory for years to come.

by Anonymousreply 6March 8, 2023 2:26 AM

Thank you for posting, Mark. Joe was a great guy, and you seem just as good. I hope you keep posting.

by Anonymousreply 7March 8, 2023 2:27 AM

I wasn't sure if this was Poo Shoes trolling, but it is the same account as the user who posted this on their 50th anniversary:

It was Valentine's Day 1972 and I decided that this would be an appropriate day to tell Mark that I loved him. We were even more broke than usual and we had been spending time at Donna's apartment. I went out into the freezing Minneapolis weather to find something for Mark for Valentine's day. A tall order since I only had a couple of bucks. I am afraid that what I ended up doing was not very romantic or healthy. I haven't mentioned this before but Mark and I were both cigarette smokers. We were over a pack a day each. If you have ever been a smoker you know that being out of cigarettes is a bitch. So, I bought him 3 packs of Terrytons. I wish this was a more romantic story, but there it is. He was on Donna's bed and appeared to be sleeping. I put the cigarettes on the bed stand and climbed onto the bed next to him. I spooned with him and felt him stir. I snuggled up to him and again whispered in his ear. "I love you Mark", "I know you can hear me." He didn't respond but I knew I had gotten the message across. He later admitted that he had heard me, but he was scared. It would be a few days before I received his response. A very long few days. We drifted off to sleep.

by Anonymousreply 8March 8, 2023 2:28 AM

May he Rest In Peace.

by Anonymousreply 9March 8, 2023 2:29 AM

Bless you and may you be lifted at this time,Mark. Joe will be missed. Your love together will live on. Sending you peace and all the best energy I have to give.

by Anonymousreply 10March 8, 2023 2:29 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss, Mark. I hope you feel better soon.

by Anonymousreply 11March 8, 2023 2:30 AM

I know there really are no words to make the loss of your beloved Joe any less sad. No one here knew him personally, but many here did know him. All because he let us know him, which is not that easy when you're nothing more than words on a screen. But Joe's pain is over. He's at peace. And in time so too will you be. Be proud and happy that Joe left a mark. I'm sure he left a big mark on the people he and you really did know personally. But he left a mark on people here he didn't know. That says a lot about the man.

by Anonymousreply 12March 8, 2023 2:30 AM

I’d like to help you Mark, financially. Is there a gofundme account?

by Anonymousreply 13March 8, 2023 2:31 AM

Mark, I am so very sorry for your loss. It is also our loss, and we share in your grief and pain.

I wish only peace, and eventual happiness in your coming years.

THANK YOU for letting us know.

by Anonymousreply 14March 8, 2023 2:31 AM

Your and Mark’s story taught us all the lessons about how to love. Thanks to both of you.

by Anonymousreply 15March 8, 2023 2:32 AM

So sorry for your loss. Best wishes to you for the future.

by Anonymousreply 16March 8, 2023 2:32 AM

Sincere condolences to you, Mark, on the passing of your beloved Joe. He was very fortunate to have had your companionship for 51 years -- a lifetime in itself. If we are blessed with long life, loss and grief will inevitably visit us. I wish you strength and comfort in this difficult time, and hope your grief will soon be greatly outweighed by the precious memories of your life with Joe. In this time of sorrow, please find peace in knowing Joe is no longer suffering and he is now beyond the need of your labor, your heartache and your protection. He would want you to cherish his memory and continue to meet each new day with joy and purpose.

by Anonymousreply 17March 8, 2023 2:32 AM

Hi, Mark, it's so nice to finally meet you!! We had several posting threads with Joe, most of them up to 500 or 600 responses long. We loved hearing about yours and Joe's love story and for many of us, it brought tears to our eyes to have him share such a special and important part of his life with us, as well as his ending. I know several tears have been shed over the love and the sadness that he would be leaving you. Joe brought out the humanity and goodness in so many of us, and many of us are better for knowing/hearing about what the two of you shared together.

Thank you so much for checking in here. I live in Santa Rosa and often wished I could have met the both of you. I hope you have family who have been helping you through this. Please feel free to respond to us and post any time, and you've broken no rules at all! Here is the last thread that we had going when Joe left this earthly plane.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 18March 8, 2023 2:32 AM

I have followed Joe's tales of living in the redwoods for years. In this time of grief and shock, I hope you can remember you were so loved by him, Mark.

by Anonymousreply 19March 8, 2023 2:34 AM

Additional condolences to you, Mark, and the furry family. I certainly hope you have your time to grieve properly, but know the best of Joe and the wonderful memories will remain.

Thank you for letting us know.

by Anonymousreply 20March 8, 2023 2:39 AM

Pose pics of your pets please

by Anonymousreply 21March 8, 2023 2:40 AM

Well, shit.

by Anonymousreply 22March 8, 2023 2:47 AM

Oh, sweetie. I hope you're taking care of yourself and aren't bottling things up, op. May you find comfort and peace in the memories you shared with him.

by Anonymousreply 23March 8, 2023 2:52 AM

There is an interview that Joe's niece and nephew did with us on YouTube, Joe and Mark -50 years together- October 16, 2022

by Anonymousreply 24March 8, 2023 3:08 AM


I remember the post by Joe…letting this site’s members know his condition.

I sympathize.

I hope that you, Mark, will find that right balance with handling all this as needed. Surviving someone you love, especially so close, is tough. But, it is what one does.

I have lost in recent years as well. There is no perfect answer. It is a personal matter. Deeply personal.

i hope you are able to do all you need. And I thank you for reaching out. Many people here would like to give you a hug. This includes me.

by Anonymousreply 25March 8, 2023 3:15 AM

Mark, thank you so much for coming back and sharing the news. All my condolences to you.

by Anonymousreply 26March 8, 2023 3:16 AM

He loved.

He existed.

He occupied space.

by Anonymousreply 27March 8, 2023 3:17 AM

Lingering memories in the house must be hard

by Anonymousreply 28March 8, 2023 3:19 AM

Thank you Mark for letting us know.

by Anonymousreply 29March 8, 2023 3:20 AM

Mark, Joe told us about the video and we were eager to see it if it was to be published. I tried a search of youtube and I couldn't find the video, unfortunately. Maybe someone else who has better search skills than I do can find it.

by Anonymousreply 30March 8, 2023 3:20 AM

May you have peace and comfort in your soul know he isnt suffering anymore. So sorry for your huge loss.

by Anonymousreply 31March 8, 2023 3:21 AM

Sorry for your loss Mark.

by Anonymousreply 32March 8, 2023 3:21 AM

Much love and condolences to you, Mark. I'll be thinking of you, and of Joe, tonight.

by Anonymousreply 33March 8, 2023 3:22 AM

I am so very sorry for your loss Mark You had half a century with Joe and he will be waiting for you. Love never dies.💕

by Anonymousreply 34March 8, 2023 3:23 AM

Rest in peace Joe, hope your transition is lovely

Mark, please take care of yourself and your furbabies. Sending love your way

by Anonymousreply 35March 8, 2023 3:24 AM

My condolences to you, Mark. I hope you'll feel better soon. You two will meet again.

by Anonymousreply 36March 8, 2023 3:26 AM

Thank you, Mark. You and Joe, and the love you shared, are a part of our history -both here on Datalounge and in our shared gay history. You may feel that you were just two guys in love who made a life together, but just by loving you changed the world. You made life so much easier for those who follow in your footsteps. That's something to be very proud of! Nothing we can say will truly ease the pain of your loss, but I hope the good wishes from all of us help you in some way. Thank you for sharing Joe, and your stories, with us!

by Anonymousreply 37March 8, 2023 3:36 AM

Dearest Mark, you have me in tears tonight. The love you and Joe shared will live on not only through you, but through these threads. This site has been a lot of things through the years, but the comfort and consistency it's given so many of us is why it's so important. May his memory be a blessing through the rest of your days. Much love to you.

by Anonymousreply 38March 8, 2023 3:40 AM

0/10. This is so 2022

by Anonymousreply 39March 8, 2023 3:42 AM

I am sorry for your loss and wish you comfort and strength.

by Anonymousreply 40March 8, 2023 3:43 AM

Mark, DL is a very strange place so if some these posts don't make sense to you, simply disregard them. It takes a while to understand the landscape.

But know this: We're a jaded bunch of gays on this site. For some unknown reason, the love story between you and Joe brought joy to many of us here. It was an honor to get to know Joe and, by proxy, you.

Sometimes being a human is not worth the strife and the sorrow and the pain. You two reminded us that sometimes it very much is worth it. It's worth all of it.

So thank you.

by Anonymousreply 41March 8, 2023 3:59 AM

Can I have his stuff?

by Anonymousreply 42March 8, 2023 4:09 AM

Sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, Mark, it is not okay to sign in as him and it does break the rules.

This thread will sadly have to be deleted.

by Anonymousreply 43March 8, 2023 4:13 AM

Thinking of you Mark, very sorry for your loss, hail and farewell dear Joe.

by Anonymousreply 44March 8, 2023 4:15 AM

Hope you’re feeling the love from DL; may you find comfort from your pets and your GOOD memories of your husband.❤️

by Anonymousreply 45March 8, 2023 4:18 AM

All my love to you Mark. I really appreciate getting to know Joe and yourself through Joe’s posts. He brought out the best in people around here x

by Anonymousreply 46March 8, 2023 4:19 AM

Many men live on in the annals of history. Some conquerers, others inventors. Joe will be remembered for the greatest gift of all— love.

by Anonymousreply 47March 8, 2023 4:22 AM

Sorry for your loss. Although DLers come across as heartless bitches, we hate it when we lose one of our own.

Thanks for letting us know. Take care of yourself.

by Anonymousreply 48March 8, 2023 4:23 AM

Long Life, Mark. And may you know no further sorrow.

by Anonymousreply 49March 8, 2023 4:25 AM

You have my sincere condolences, Mark. You and Joe had a love that is enviable by any measure.

by Anonymousreply 50March 8, 2023 4:28 AM

Dear Mark,

I am a gay stereotype, I passed up any gay relationship as I basically married my mom and took care of her until I buried her on her 93rd birthday. I was her Successor Trustee, her Executor, her Power of Attorney, her Joint Tenant. I loved her to pieces, but the one thing I was not prepared for was all the paperwork. It took me three months to get her Life Insurance issued, I had to open a Trust bank account, Social Security would not turn off her issuances three months after I gave them a death certificate. They took back the three months of overpayment, but I had to go back 4 times to get them to issue an amended SSA1099 showing a paid overpayment. I have to file for an extension on an IRS filing that will have a REFUND. I have property in another state that I have to transfer from her trust to me. Every time, I close an account, I feel like I am erasing her. Like she is dying again. So Mark, I wish you peace as you go through financial grieving. I am crying as I type. My blessings to you.

by Anonymousreply 51March 8, 2023 4:40 AM

^^^^^ Mary!!!!!

by Anonymousreply 52March 8, 2023 4:42 AM


by Anonymousreply 53March 8, 2023 4:45 AM

Mark, we can all be so bitchy here, and we will most assuredly continue to be, but I hope with a little bit of Joe’s wit in our responses! ❤️

by Anonymousreply 54March 8, 2023 4:52 AM

Sorry for your loss Mark, and don't worry about usin Joe's account .It may even bring some comfort.

Don't be a stranger you're welcome here.

by Anonymousreply 55March 8, 2023 4:54 AM

Hugs to you, your kitties and doggies💕💕💕💕💕😥

by Anonymousreply 56March 8, 2023 4:57 AM

My condolences, Mark. May your memories comfort you.

by Anonymousreply 57March 8, 2023 5:19 AM

I could make some really tasteless jokes for you Mark, just to make you laugh.

It’s cool that you’re here. Sometimes really uncanny things happen in the universe….like meeting a random group of strangers stretched across the globe. All who either adored your husband and his legacy, trolls, or both. But I think most of us were here for the authenticity that came through Joe, which was poetic. I was here for that and to watch many others affected by it too, it was a little “movement” here of people literally moved by his sharing. It was very pure during a time that feels so dark.

My hope Mark is that reading these feels like a fun zing of synchronicity. Anything especially important that you want us to know about him? Only if that feels right, of course. Either way, glad you’re here, hope this next year is a time of healing for you, and rest.

by Anonymousreply 58March 8, 2023 5:41 AM

I am very sorry for your loss, Mark. I hope you will join us when you feel you can.

May his memory be a blessing.

by Anonymousreply 59March 8, 2023 5:45 AM

Peace and love to you, Mark. Thanks for letting us know.

by Anonymousreply 60March 8, 2023 5:46 AM

so sorry for your lost. everyone grieves in their own way, so here's to your way. cheers to Joe and to you, mark. Cheers to your love. Love is everything. Take care of yourself and nurture your animals.

by Anonymousreply 61March 8, 2023 5:54 AM

My deepest condolences.

Just remember that you will meet Joe again, but this time it will be forever

by Anonymousreply 62March 8, 2023 5:58 AM

I'm so sorry that you lost the love of your life. Bless you and Joe. I hope you find peace and comfort.❤🙏

by Anonymousreply 63March 8, 2023 6:05 AM

Mark, I am very sorry for your loss. Joe lives on in you so take good care of yourself.

by Anonymousreply 64March 8, 2023 6:06 AM

Hello Mark. Thank you for the update. You have plenty going on of your own so it is very much appreciated. Your story touched us deeply and I'm happy you were able to have it. I hope to be so lucky in my own life. Take care and as people have mentioned, if there's a gofundme, we'd be happy to help, or even just a story, we'd love to hear it. There are a lot of people who care about you and Joe and the impact you've had on your slice of the world.

by Anonymousreply 65March 8, 2023 6:07 AM

RIP to Joe. He was deeply loved and appreciated here.

by Anonymousreply 66March 8, 2023 6:12 AM


by Anonymousreply 67March 8, 2023 7:07 AM

I am so sorry Mark.

by Anonymousreply 68March 8, 2023 7:16 AM

I’m so sorry, OP.

by Anonymousreply 69March 8, 2023 7:21 AM

Shouldn’t there be some snarky replies here in his honor? I’m sure he would have loved it.

by Anonymousreply 70March 8, 2023 7:22 AM

Can I get his stuff?

by Anonymousreply 71March 8, 2023 7:23 AM

Sending you my love and condolences, Mark.

by Anonymousreply 72March 8, 2023 7:25 AM

I peeked in on these threads of his when he posted about being sick. I didn't get the opportunity to know Joe on here at all since I've only been here for about 1 year and a half, but I'm sorry for your loss. He seemed very sweet. :(

by Anonymousreply 73March 8, 2023 7:41 AM

WHY are there so MANY DEAD animals? Seems suss.

by Anonymousreply 74March 8, 2023 7:50 AM

I’m so sorry on your loss, Mark. May his memory be a blessing.

Thank you for letting us know.

by Anonymousreply 75March 8, 2023 8:08 AM

I'm sorry for your loss, Mark, but I thank you - and I thank Joe, RIP - for being a virtual and real-world beacon of love.

by Anonymousreply 76March 8, 2023 10:20 AM

Joe was loved here and you are too, Mark. Take care of yourself. Xx

by Anonymousreply 77March 8, 2023 10:31 AM

We loved Joe! Your DL family is here for you, Mark. Welcome to our bitchy tribe.

by Anonymousreply 78March 8, 2023 10:42 AM

So sorry to hear Mark, let your memory of Joe give you strength and a future!

Hang around, we love to keep hearing from you!

by Anonymousreply 79March 8, 2023 10:43 AM

As a dedicated DLer, he should be given nothing less than a Hero’s Funeral with full Honor Guard

by Anonymousreply 80March 8, 2023 10:43 AM

R70 I was expecting at least one “Joe Is Dead To Me” post.

by Anonymousreply 81March 8, 2023 11:38 AM

Thank you for the update. We were wondering if the extended prime time locked you out so you were unable to tell us anything.

Joe is loved here. And so are you. His post touched something in DL I haven’t seen in the 5 years I’ve been posting here. I thought he’d last longer but he went on his own timeline.

You have love and support here embrace it. I don’t believe you signing in broke any rules. Please come back with updates on yourself.

Love and hugs to you! Those animals need you and Joe is with you. You’ll feel him guiding you!

by Anonymousreply 82March 8, 2023 11:53 AM

Sending you love Mark. So sorry for your loss ❤️

by Anonymousreply 83March 8, 2023 12:01 PM

Sending you love and encouragement, Mark. I’m very sorry for your loss.

by Anonymousreply 84March 8, 2023 12:07 PM

Mark isn't a DL regular, so he's probably unaware of the etiquette surrounding a death announcement on this site, R81. He gets a pass, though, because his relationship with Joe is now a DL legend.

Joe, I hope you RIP. Mark, I wish you love and strength at this difficult time.

by Anonymousreply 85March 8, 2023 12:14 PM

When it comes to long relationships, Joe and Mark are DL's answer to Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter.

by Anonymousreply 86March 8, 2023 12:17 PM

We're fine! We send our love!

by Anonymousreply 87March 8, 2023 12:21 PM

Sho long, Joe! We'll mish you!

by Anonymousreply 88March 8, 2023 12:23 PM

RIP Joe. Mark condolences and take care of yourself and your animals.

by Anonymousreply 89March 8, 2023 12:24 PM

Thank you for letting us know. Joe raved about you, what a wonderful life the two of you shared.

by Anonymousreply 90March 8, 2023 12:34 PM

Mark, sending you a virtual hug.

You have done us all a great kindness by posting. Thank you. I am glad to know that Joe made it to the New Year like he wanted.

Let us know if there’s something you’d like us to do to honor Joe’s memory.

by Anonymousreply 91March 8, 2023 12:35 PM

I condole you.

Champagne for Lulu!

by Anonymousreply 92March 8, 2023 12:43 PM

So you're keeping his stuff?

Well, okay.

by Anonymousreply 93March 8, 2023 12:49 PM

Gaga has your back, would you think about a duet?

by Anonymousreply 94March 8, 2023 12:50 PM

Thank you so much for stopping in to share the sad news, Mark. My deepest condolences to you.

Your love story with Joe, and his experiences staring down his own mortality, brought out the best in DLers, and you've both become DL legends in the process. As other posters above have noted, please feel free to pop back in whenever the spirit moves you -- we're here for you.

(And thanks to ElderLez for the heads-up re: this thread!)

by Anonymousreply 95March 8, 2023 12:55 PM

Joe's stories were beautiful and he seemed like such a lovely soul. May his memory be a blessing to you and you pet family.

by Anonymousreply 96March 8, 2023 12:57 PM

Sending you Warmest thoughts of comfort & grace in your loss.

It was a gift to read Joe's posts.

I believe love NEVER dies. The love & goodness you shared was a gift.

by Anonymousreply 97March 8, 2023 1:07 PM

[quote]As a dedicated DLer, he should be given nothing less than a Hero’s Funeral with full Honor Guard

Just give me one day to get my best caftan dry-cleaned. Then I'll be ready.

Peace to our 'new friend' Mark and may Joe's memory be a blessing.

by Anonymousreply 98March 8, 2023 1:42 PM

This internet stranger has thought about you guys many times. Your loss is shared by many of us who don’t even know you. You are not alone.

by Anonymousreply 99March 8, 2023 1:52 PM

R51, Please know that your beloved mother would want you to be happy, to live knowing you were the best son. I know you are no Spring chicken (my mother was 91), yet you still have life. Do something on your Bucket List!

by Anonymousreply 100March 8, 2023 2:05 PM

Hi, Mark. I’m so sorry for your loss, but also grateful that the two of you had so many years together.

Please feel free to stick around. We’re a bunch of catty bitches, but as Joe’s story helped demonstrate, we can put that aside when it matters.

by Anonymousreply 101March 8, 2023 2:17 PM

r24 do you have a link to that TY video that you can share here?

No r51 is not being a Mary. Closing up the financial accounts of a deceased loved one, or clearing out their homes for sale is very painful and like going thru re-death again. I've been there, it hurts. It's hard to enable closure when you have to keep on dealing with things like that.

Blessings to you Mark for posting here and letting us know about Joe. I loved the recent threads we had here. I started posting on DL around the same time he did, I'm sure we crossed posting paths many times over the years. All my best.

by Anonymousreply 102March 8, 2023 2:50 PM

To be fair, r102, calling someone a MARY is pretty standard fare around here in a lovingly, teasing way. Especially when someone admits they're a "gay stereotype," as r51 did.

I'm sure r52 was only having some fun and bringing some levity.

by Anonymousreply 103March 8, 2023 2:55 PM

Well ok r103, point well taken. I was just reinforcing r51 's view of how painful it is to complete all the post-death work, while you're grieving your loved one and trying to process things. It's very hard for some. I found it excruciating myself.

by Anonymousreply 104March 8, 2023 3:00 PM

I hear what you're saying, r104. Believe me, I truly do. I just didn't want you to get upset at him for making a joke.

Losing a parent or a spouse in an exceptionally difficult time, so I understand where you're coming from too.

by Anonymousreply 105March 8, 2023 3:06 PM

*is an exceptionally difficult time.

by Anonymousreply 106March 8, 2023 3:07 PM

Ah, brother, I am sorry for your loss; I hope your life is gentle until you are reunited.

by Anonymousreply 107March 8, 2023 3:11 PM

Grief is the price we pay for love. You were loved at home and here.

In time the pain you feel will be replaced by memories of better times. I know, because it happened to me.

Goddess bless

by Anonymousreply 108March 8, 2023 3:21 PM

I hope it helps to know that in some strange way all of DL is here for you. Thank you for the update. Peace and hugs to you and the pets too.

by Anonymousreply 109March 8, 2023 3:53 PM

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope that there is still some peace and joy ahead for you in the rest of your days.

by Anonymousreply 110March 8, 2023 4:01 PM

Deepest sympathies. Hoping you find peace and comfort in the years of memories.

by Anonymousreply 111March 8, 2023 4:03 PM

Sincere condolences to you Mark. Cherish your memories from the past 50! years. Joe touched so many here in such a short time, you’re lucky to have been with him for so long. Love, health, and happiness to you, today and always.

by Anonymousreply 112March 8, 2023 4:22 PM

So sorry to hear about Joe. Condolences to you, Mark, with a hope that you find a way out of this darkness.

by Anonymousreply 113March 8, 2023 4:26 PM

Where is the obituary?

by Anonymousreply 114March 8, 2023 4:42 PM

I'm guessing Mark doesn't want to link an obituary that reveals his full name and location.

by Anonymousreply 115March 8, 2023 6:13 PM

Thank you for posting here Mark. We will miss Joe. I am another long-time poster here on DL. When I meditate I do a healing, white light visualization and put people inside for helping energy. I will think of the two of you when I meditate later. Hugs to you & your animals ❤

by Anonymousreply 116March 8, 2023 7:00 PM

Rob and I send our condolences Mark., we've been thinking of you both these past couple of months. Take care and remember all your fabulous time together. Regards P.

by Anonymousreply 117March 8, 2023 7:11 PM

Mark, he expressed such incredible love for you.

Joe brought out the humanity in DL as he shared his journey home. We didn’t know him, yet we did.

And we all feel the loss. All the best to you!

by Anonymousreply 118March 8, 2023 7:28 PM

Sending prayers for comfort and peace.

by Anonymousreply 119March 8, 2023 7:52 PM

Remember that he hasn't left you and will always be by your side until it is your time to go meet him. Talk to him, he will hear you. Watch for little signs and when you think nah, that was my imagination or you think something is just coincidence, it is Joe letting you know he is there. We are only divided by a veil. He can see & hear you, you just can't see and hear him but you can have faith that he is there for you.

by Anonymousreply 120March 8, 2023 8:07 PM

...or he may go full Blithe Spirit on you, Mark!

Peace, my stranger-friend. We were awfully fond of your boy around these parts.

by Anonymousreply 121March 8, 2023 10:08 PM

[quote]and put people inside for helping energy.

You kids and your euphemisms. In my day we just called that getting banged and we didn't ascribe any reason for it other than fun.

by Anonymousreply 122March 8, 2023 10:11 PM

Didn't GREG say this was an EST?

by Anonymousreply 123March 8, 2023 10:58 PM

R123 Even if it is it caused no harm. It called our better angels to speak out and send the Universe positivity and love.

by Anonymousreply 124March 8, 2023 11:05 PM

Their "neighbor" who was positive he knew who they were and described their personalities, said that Joe died in December.

Looks like he was wrong, too.

by Anonymousreply 125March 8, 2023 11:10 PM

I'm very sorry for your loss, Mark. You were married almost as long as I've been alive. I believe you will be together again in the afterlife, and hope you find peace in the meantime. Please try to look after yourself, and stay strong for your beloved pets, they miss him too.

by Anonymousreply 126March 8, 2023 11:11 PM

Aww, Mark. Sorry about Joe. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a partner, so hope all the words you see on this thread (minus the ones from the inevitable trolls) are of some comfort. We’re all but a blip in time, but our hearts and souls are forever connected.

by Anonymousreply 127March 8, 2023 11:12 PM

R125 we didn’t believe the neighbor knew them.

by Anonymousreply 128March 8, 2023 11:14 PM

"Stargazer" at 460 on the other thread had these lies to share:

"I think if you have an authenticated name, you have to be a paying member, [R457]- and ha! ElderLez, I was *just* thinking about you!

I thought long and hard before posting the following, because I don't want to invite trolls - but I think I knew Joe, and maybe this can bring closure to some people here.

If I'm correct, Joe and I were colleagues over the years on various shows. We weren't close friends outside of work, and after he retired, we were not in close contact, though we would exchange postcards, emails, and texts from time to time.

Joe was a great guy. Always greeted me with a big smile on his face and a hug. A funny, smart and kind man. He loved life and lived it to the fullest. Working with Joe was a joy.

I didn't really know Mark. Only met him a few times. Nice guy, kind of shy. I think it's very unlikely that he would expose himself to some of the evil fuckery I've seen on this thread. I wouldn't if I were him. I'm glad Joe had us as an outlet, but Mark owes us nothing. I don't think we will hear from Joe or Mark again.

My (maybe our) Joe died of natural causes shortly after Christmas. Services were private. I may reach out to Mark after some time has passed. I probably will not mention DL at all, but I might refer to an online community that loved him and leave it at that.

This is probably as close to closure as we will get.

I do have an authenticated name, but I never use it, because trolls target authenticated members, but when I sign, I sign as


by Anonymousreply 129March 8, 2023 11:26 PM

[quote] … because trolls target authenticated members.

True that.

by Anonymousreply 130March 9, 2023 12:02 AM

Thank you r100 r102 r103.

You cannot rush grieving BUT you never know when it will swell up when you are in the same house for decades.

Mark has dealt with the death of pets but not the death of a partner and all the documentation. The funeral arrangements, the Death Certificate, the fucking people at the funeral home who want to up-sell you, are all overwhelming.



by Anonymousreply 131March 9, 2023 12:39 AM

Greg’s getting bitchier by the day.

by Anonymousreply 132March 9, 2023 1:00 AM

I didn't see Stargazer (whose post R129 copied) as a liar.

Stargazer clearly said, "I think I knew Joe" - [bold]think[/bold] being the operative word ther.

He also later in his post said, "My (maybe our) Joe" - which again suggests he [bold]might[/bold] know who "our" Joe is.

by Anonymousreply 133March 9, 2023 1:20 AM

Oh Mark, sending much love. Joe was an absolute doll, and your relationship sounded so fabulous. Joe said I could fuck you as well, after he died. So shall be in touch.

by Anonymousreply 134March 9, 2023 1:48 AM


by Anonymousreply 135March 9, 2023 1:53 AM

I thought that Stargazer said his Joe died shortly after Christmas, which I think is subjective. To me the Christmas season lasts through New Years, so Jan. 12 could indeed be considered shortly after Christmas.

by Anonymousreply 136March 9, 2023 2:00 AM

r134 LOL hilarious! thanks for the belly laugh!

by Anonymousreply 137March 9, 2023 2:47 AM

Can I have your mom's stuff R51?

by Anonymousreply 138March 9, 2023 7:08 AM

R138, my parents and I bought our house after my dad was diagnosed with a malignant brain melanoma. He was given 6, months but lived close to 10 years. I could not let my mom take care of him alone so we bought the house together. My mom survived my dad when he died two years after the purchase. We took care of him 24/7. As a surviving spouse, my mom got all of his stuff. We continued living together for the next 34 years. She put a provision in her trust and will that as joint owner of our home, I would also inherit her contents of the home, unseverable. She knew that my sister's would be crawling through the windows demanding their "inheritance". So, r138, the moment my mom died, her stuff became my stuff. You can't have my stuff. However, we had discussions about which niece, grandniece, and great grandniece to distribute her more valuable things to. I will.

by Anonymousreply 139March 9, 2023 9:12 AM

The quickest way to get "OVER" a guy, is to get "UNDER" a guy...!

And since JOEL is away at college..... I'M AVAILABLE; 24/7.!!! Just fyi.

by Anonymousreply 140March 9, 2023 9:33 AM

Thank you Mark for connecting with us. I know it sucks right now and will continue to suck for a whole year at least. We at DL are here for you. I read through some of Joe's last posts and he really achieved a lot with his strength of spirit. He wanted to last through Christmas, and he did! He wanted to last through New Years, and he did. He loved you so much. Maybe you'll join us! Sometimes people here are pretty amusing! Hey why not post a picture of Joe! That would be awesome. May you have a peaceful year Mark!

by Anonymousreply 141March 9, 2023 10:00 AM

Cackle Cackle, Brian Nash, now Joe in the annals of DL Patron Saints....rare and true gems in this cesspool of DL. Shine bright, loved ones.

And thank you Mark, for giving us closure, be comforted that he brought out the best of us here, and if you feel like it, please pop in here from time to time if you need some encouragement from random snarky strangers that are crunchy and bitter on the outside, but really somewhat sweet and wholesome on the inside.

by Anonymousreply 142March 9, 2023 1:08 PM

Yes, R142, we're like the human version of pineapples. Piña coladas for everyone! I hope Joe would have approved.

by Anonymousreply 143March 9, 2023 1:14 PM

[quote] Greg’s getting bitchier by the day.

You're right. I think that DL is having deleterious effects on my personality.

by Anonymousreply 144March 9, 2023 2:01 PM

Mark, I'm so sorry for your loss. I am a recent widower myself. My dear, sweet husband Mark died in August after only 31 years together. I so wish I had words of comfort for you but I understand that right now nothing is comforting. Joe would be happy and proud of you for signing in and sharing your sad news with us. He loved you so very much and he loves you still.

by Anonymousreply 145March 9, 2023 2:44 PM

I feel so grateful to the gay men who went before me (I'm 29) and had these 30/47/51-year relationships when it really wasn't easy (and it still isn't always easy). I know they were doing it for themselves (duh) and not for those of us who followed, but if it hadn't been for their courage in leading the way, I'm not sure I'd have the courage to lead my life the way I do.

I really wanted to say that to Joe and thank him while he was still alive, so I wrote it in one of the threads, just on the off chance that he'd see it. Thank you, R145, R117 and Mark @ OP.

by Anonymousreply 146March 9, 2023 2:55 PM

You're sweet as hell, r146.

Although, if you're 29 now, you do realize next year is eldergay status for you, right?

by Anonymousreply 147March 9, 2023 4:25 PM

[quote]Cackle Cackle, Brian Nash, now Joe in the annals of DL Patron Saints....rare and true gems in this cesspool of DL. Shine bright, loved ones.

And our good friend Pierre. We cannot forget Pierre, a/k/a The Evening Punctuationist, a/k/a Christmas Moose.

by Anonymousreply 148March 9, 2023 4:26 PM

I'm weaving my shroud as we speak, R147!

by Anonymousreply 149March 9, 2023 5:18 PM

R139, you lived with your mom for (at least) THIRTY FOUR YEARS?

by Anonymousreply 150March 9, 2023 7:40 PM

r150, that is how long we lived together in the house we bought. We bought the house after my brain cancer father moved permanently to a wheelchair and my apartment could not accommodate him being in a wheelchair. They moved from Chicago to Las Vegas on the recommendations of his PCP. We lived in my apartment for 5 years. My dad died 2 years after we moved into the house. That makes 39 years with my mom. But, mind you, she became medically fragile after her open-heart surgery 15 years ago. The other 17 years were going to work, paying off the mortgage, day to day living. I was the family carer. My connection to my mother could never have been superseded by me being in a relationship. I chose not to inflict this on a boyfriend/husband. Life is the sum of making decisions. I am happy I made the ones I did. .

r51 / r139

by Anonymousreply 151March 9, 2023 10:22 PM

Peace to you Mark.

by Anonymousreply 152March 9, 2023 10:53 PM

So sorry for your loss, Mark. Joe seemed like a terribly nice guy. Thank you for checking in and letting us know you are okay.

by Anonymousreply 153March 9, 2023 10:59 PM

Sending you all the love in the world. Believe it or not, time will help you heal and you will find a way, I was where you are now and survived even though I thought I couldn't possibly go on.

by Anonymousreply 154March 9, 2023 11:10 PM

Mark, we’d like you to reply so we know how you’re doing.

by Anonymousreply 155March 10, 2023 12:04 AM

May his memory be a blessing.

by Anonymousreply 156March 10, 2023 12:09 AM

Glad you're here, r154.

by Anonymousreply 157March 10, 2023 12:59 AM

It’s available free to watch on Prime right now for 5 more days, of course they never actually alerted me to that… I don’t think I’m in the right head space to watch tonight, but maybe tomorrow.

by Anonymousreply 158March 10, 2023 1:16 AM

And peace be to you, TGBTD at r151. Bless you for taking care of your parents the way you have. You've received as much as you've given.

by Anonymousreply 159March 10, 2023 2:43 PM

R155, I think Mark needs time and space. Leave him be.

by Anonymousreply 160March 10, 2023 8:18 PM

My deepest sympathies to you, your family and friends. I hope that you are able to find comfort during this time of grieving.

by Anonymousreply 161March 10, 2023 8:21 PM

I think you both were lucky to have each other, and my heart goes out to you. Much love, good sir.

by Anonymousreply 162March 10, 2023 8:44 PM

Is R158 referring to the nieces video? Name?

by Anonymousreply 163March 10, 2023 11:07 PM

Don’t worry Mark, I’m sure you will see Joe soon enough.

by Anonymousreply 164March 11, 2023 8:31 AM

There are not enough F&Fs in the world for R164.

by Anonymousreply 165March 11, 2023 1:54 PM

Hope you're taking every day easy and as it comes, Joe. You're golden.

In my culture, we mourn a birth and celebrate a death, seeing someone's passing as a release back to the Summerlands (like a Paradise of sorts). So Mark as we type is probably young again, frolicking with gorgeous Gods & Goddesses, enjoying long delicious draughts of sweet ambrosia and reclining on soft grass, gleefully laughing at all of us peons still moping and kicking about here.

by Anonymousreply 166March 11, 2023 2:41 PM

^ahh I got the names mixed up sorry!!! I am shamefaced and meant no offense. You get what I meant, though.

by Anonymousreply 167March 11, 2023 2:51 PM

RIP Faggot Joe!!!

by Anonymousreply 168March 12, 2023 9:55 AM

I think an obit would be nice.

by Anonymousreply 169March 15, 2023 6:59 AM

I'm so sorry to hear about Joe's passing.

by Anonymousreply 170March 15, 2023 7:13 AM

best prank post ever. very elaborate.

by Anonymousreply 171March 15, 2023 7:36 AM

For you, Mark.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 172March 15, 2023 7:36 AM

[quote] best prank post ever. very elaborate.

This has to be real. Only someone who is deep in the throes of mourning would post such an awkward thread title.

by Anonymousreply 173March 15, 2023 1:41 PM


by Anonymousreply 174March 15, 2023 3:37 PM

r171. You have stated how jaded and bitter you are in one sentence. Now, go away.

by Anonymousreply 175March 15, 2023 10:32 PM

Must be a prank because I can’t find the you tube clip. There’s no reason we shouldn’t be able to document this guy with some other form of media.

by Anonymousreply 176March 16, 2023 2:55 AM

Dear Mark, I am a younger gay (26), and the stories Joe told us about your many years together are inspiring. The relationship you both had is something I could only dream of. I recently had a small taste of what real grief is like, and it is still horrible. I can't even imagine what it must be like for you. But through your journeys and experiences with your beloved Joe, I only hope and desire that the good memories comfort you. The good memories I have of someone I loved for a time really give me comfort. I still miss him and wish we could've said goodbye on better terms.

I'm sending my love and condolences to you.

I was a part of the original threads and just ran across this. Thanks to ElderLez for posting this thread in the old farewell thread.

by Anonymousreply 177March 16, 2023 2:08 PM

Very Elaborate.


by Anonymousreply 178March 17, 2023 6:10 PM

If life transcends death,

Then I will seek for you there.

If not, then there too.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 179March 17, 2023 6:16 PM

My deepest sympathy Mark. Thank you for updating us, that was really nice of you.

I am sending you an enormous amount of love. Be kind to yourself. We love you. 💖

by Anonymousreply 180March 18, 2023 2:49 AM

I am sorry for your loss Mark. I have been lurking just about as long as your Joe posted here- and there really are a lot of very kind and funny people here. I hope you will continue to visit and post and that it might help you feel less alone. There certainly are a lot of people here who care about both of you- do take care of yourself.

by Anonymousreply 181March 18, 2023 3:31 AM

Mark, I hope that you have the time to crawl into bed and grieve, when you need too. Grief is a process, a long process. Kiss your dogs for me.

by Anonymousreply 182March 18, 2023 6:39 AM

May his soul rest in peace.

My heartfelt condolences, Mark. ❤️

by Anonymousreply 183March 18, 2023 6:51 AM
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