Neighbor I don't know keeps asking me for rides
I’ve lived in my current place for five years. A middle aged woman lives on my street, with what I assume is her husband and their two twenty something children. I have no idea what any of their names are.
Last Sunday she was banging at my door like it was an emergency. She asked me for a ride to the store and said that she had lost her license. Normally, I would do it to be neighborly, but I wasn't feeling well and was still in my pajamas, so I said no.
Since then, she has been coming over regularly to ask for rides. On Tuesday, she wanted a cup of sugar. I gave her one and thought that was the end of it. Then she came over again and asked for a ride. I said no.
On Wednesday, she said that she needed a ride to a doctor’s appointment the next week. I told her I had to work and couldn't take her.
On Friday, she asked if I could let her know when I went places, so she could come with me. I told her that I tended to run errands after work.
Yesterday, she again asked for a ride to the store.
I still don't know this woman's name!
by Anonymous | reply 175 | March 1, 2023 4:55 AM
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Slap her face! Slap her face, viciously!
by Anonymous | reply 1 | February 27, 2023 12:48 PM
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Maybe it's not that she actually needs rides, but has some other type of (mental health) issue.
I had a neighbor years ago who was in her sixties, married, retired. Kids long gone. Everything was normal until she had a stroke. Then her husband left her alone at the house for long stretches while he was out doing whatever. She would stay outside most of the time, sweeping her driveway multiple times per day, wandering up and down the street endlessly, and God help you if you were doing yardwork, getting in or out of your car, walking your dog - she would corner anyone and talk their ear off, unable to pick up on cues that people wanted to get away from her. It was incredibly sad even as it was frustrating to deal with. Her husband should have gotten some kind of adult daycare for her, but instead let her roam the streets. So maybe that's the kind of situation you're dealing with - someone who has issues and is being neglected by the people who should be looking out for her.
by Anonymous | reply 2 | February 27, 2023 1:08 PM
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I can understand answering the door the first time she came a-knocking but why, dear OP, do you continue to engage with this woman? You set yourself up.
by Anonymous | reply 3 | February 27, 2023 1:11 PM
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[quote] On Tuesday, she wanted a cup of sugar.
Are you posting from the 1950s?
by Anonymous | reply 4 | February 27, 2023 1:12 PM
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The loss of the license is a red flag. I know normal people lose their licenses, but so do a lot of nutters and addicts, and she's behaving in other ways like one of those.
I think you just need to stop opening the door to her. Even if she knows you're home.
If you get called out publicly you can always say you had earbuds in, and then add, "But anyway, I don't know who you are and it makes me uncomfortable that you keep coming to my door. Please stop."
by Anonymous | reply 5 | February 27, 2023 1:15 PM
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R2 I believe she lost her license because she has the weathered face of an aged alcoholic. They all lose their licenses eventually.
R3 I park in my driveway, so she can see if I'm home.
R4 I thought THAT was weird too.
by Anonymous | reply 6 | February 27, 2023 1:16 PM
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Even better if she knows you're home and not answering the door. That's the best way to make her stop.
by Anonymous | reply 7 | February 27, 2023 1:20 PM
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I asked at r3 because I had a very similar neighbor a decade ago. She, in fact, asked for a cup of sugar the first time she stopped by. Next it was money. Then I stopped answering the door.
She could easily see my recognizable vehicle on the street and would peek in the sidelight if I didn't answer. You a sucks, OP.
by Anonymous | reply 8 | February 27, 2023 1:22 PM
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If she lives with other people she has other options besides some neighbor she barely knows, which makes her pestering you incredibly weird. You're better off telling her to go away and stop bothering you.
by Anonymous | reply 10 | February 27, 2023 1:25 PM
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Cease engaging this woman now. Print or write a very small notice to tape to the inside of your storm door at the door handle level OR at eye level of the door itself "No solicitation of any kind at any time." I find the circumstances of this scenario to be highly suspicious. NO ONE with ANY degree of good sense would completely disregard the strong imposition this woman represents. She knows better. She knows better. Again, I find the situation to be highly suspicious. Look into purchasing a few Blink or Nest cameras, OP. Very strange things going on now days that unfortunately most folks won't understand until it's too late and happening to them, personally.
by Anonymous | reply 11 | February 27, 2023 1:28 PM
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Tell Miss Daisy to get an Uber to the Piggly-Wiggly.
by Anonymous | reply 12 | February 27, 2023 1:28 PM
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Is the husband senile too? Talk to the adult children. They should be taking care of their parents, not the neighbors.
by Anonymous | reply 13 | February 27, 2023 1:29 PM
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After the sugar, I knew something wasn't right.
Next time she comes over (and I'm sure she will), I will tell her that I will never drive her anywhere, and that if she comes over again I will contact the police because she is harassing me. Hopefully that will scare her off.
by Anonymous | reply 14 | February 27, 2023 1:32 PM
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When your neighbor is an EST
by Anonymous | reply 15 | February 27, 2023 1:32 PM
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People do this shit to test your boundaries, r15. It happened to me ( r3/r8 ) so I believe OP. If you're not used to scammers and the streets, you're a mark.
by Anonymous | reply 16 | February 27, 2023 1:36 PM
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Is she from the midwest? Is this your first encounter with a welfare case?
by Anonymous | reply 17 | February 27, 2023 1:37 PM
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R14, OP you need not go that far. Just stop answering your door. That's step one. If she persists after that, then do what you proposed. Tell her not to come over anymore.Tell her you are very busy and you cannot drive her, and tell her Uber and Lyft have services she can use. But make absolutely sure she hears the message : Please stop coming over here. Then get your cameras set up so you can document her .Calling the cops should be the last step. I 'm just saying that you should offer some documentation if you go to the police.
by Anonymous | reply 18 | February 27, 2023 1:38 PM
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She is behaving like an alcoholic who may be in the early stages of dementia. I didn't know this but since my cousin is an Alcoholic and a drug addict, I discovered that even if an alcoholic or druggie gets clean, if they have engaged in prolonged use of drugs or alcohol, it causes brain lesions and alters their behavior. They are mentally unstable. Sometimes violent.
by Anonymous | reply 19 | February 27, 2023 1:41 PM
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She's just working up to Deebo your ass.
lol
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 20 | February 27, 2023 1:44 PM
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r18 yes, quite right.. documentation is absolutely necessary if it goes that far. But one can contact social services.
Or devious politeness. bring it up to said person... You're friend was telling you about it. You got their number right here, maybe someone can come out and help them. Those with several children tend scurry at the mention of social workers. Of course, you risk when social services inevitably intervenes, you might get blamed.
r19 it's also common with perfectly healthy students living in dorm and the poors in general.
by Anonymous | reply 21 | February 27, 2023 1:45 PM
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Whatever you do, don't relent. Who knows what she would accuse you of if she was ever alone in a vehicle with you or what kind of lawsuit she is looking to set up. Do you have nice things?
I once had a retired neighbor I didn't know beyond a cursory wave pound on my door at 6:30 a.m. like he was the police executing a search warrant. The home health aide had called in sick and he wanted me to IMMEDIATELY come sit with his wife so he could go GOLF.
by Anonymous | reply 22 | February 27, 2023 1:46 PM
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Many lasses rely on their chivalry and then pity for their youngins.. because they haven't learned that feminism is about equality between the sexes.
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 23 | February 27, 2023 1:48 PM
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R19 At least I have retirement to torture people with my lesioned brain.
by Anonymous | reply 24 | February 27, 2023 1:48 PM
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This is her way of flirting. Do you like frau pussy?
by Anonymous | reply 25 | February 27, 2023 1:50 PM
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Op here is my advice from my experience living next door to Barb (a psychotic thief).
Tell her that you do not provide shuttle rides to the public and that your car is only for your transportation to and from work and emergencies. Ask her to please refrain from further contact as you are not physically and emotionally equipped to facilitate her requests. Thank you.
by Anonymous | reply 26 | February 27, 2023 1:51 PM
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Get one of those RING doorbells that connects to an app.
That way, you can see if it's her at the door without going to the door.
And then ignore her.
by Anonymous | reply 27 | February 27, 2023 1:52 PM
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R16 That's why I said I knew something was up when she asked for sugar, then came back and asked for a ride. It came across as "foot in the door." Though, I was smart enough not to let her in my house.
R18 I was just going to threaten to call the cops to scare her. I don't think I need to do it. If she doesn't have a license, I'm guessing she's had some legal problems, so it would probably scare her into leaving me alone.
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 29 | February 27, 2023 1:53 PM
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I once had a neighbor who asked for things daily too. I finally wised up and just stop answering the door when she came by. That solved the problem.
by Anonymous | reply 31 | February 27, 2023 1:56 PM
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R11 again, OP. I've good white lie for you. Tell her that several years ago you were regularly picking up a coworker who you weren't really friends with to give them a ride to and from work. You got into a bad accident with the co-worker in the car. She tried to sue you over it. You were cleared of any responsibility, but your lawyer at the time strongly recommended that you don't offer rides to anyone other than close family/friend intimates. Now you're done with that portion of the problem. When she comes by to borrow whatever answer the door and deny her nicely. Point to the sign on the door! From then on, you simply don't answer the door. If she keeps coming, then you now have a reason to contact the police to at least be able say that you did. Be nice about it but firm.
by Anonymous | reply 32 | February 27, 2023 1:58 PM
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Oh boy,I had neighbors like this. First they asked me to go pick up food shed ordered for her kids, then she asked me to take her to the Dr. I did it because she had small kids. Then her loser boyfriend asked me to drive him to friends house. It was getting ridiculous and uncomfortable because the boyfriend was weirdly.....odd. I just started saying no and not answering the door when I knew it was them. Put a stop to it now, or they'll never leave you alone. Its ok to be neighborly, but not to be taken advantage of. Why are they fixated on you? Just put a stop to it now.
by Anonymous | reply 33 | February 27, 2023 1:58 PM
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See, now, OP... threatening with the police is the absolute worst move you could take. You are asking for an absolute nightmare existence. You don't know what these people are capable of and who they are. Many people don't take kindly to threats of police.
The police are not your friends. The police are not here to protect you. Sack up.
by Anonymous | reply 34 | February 27, 2023 1:58 PM
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I think you have to tell her once that you don't know her, her demands are making you uncomfortable, and you don't want her on your property any more. Put your phone on audio record before you answer the door so you have evidence of that conversation. Let her make whatever demand she came with before you speak. (It wouldn't be admissible in court but the police and her husband can hear it.)
Install cameras round the house in the meantime, and preferably a video doorbell, and after that one conversation, just don't answer the door any more. She will probably lose interest after a while, but if she doesn't, don't talk to her again. You will have plenty of evidence by that time to take to the cops, and ask them to speak to her husband and adult children about her behavior, advising the cops you don't want to have to go so far as to have her charged with trespassing unless nothing else works. Do not engage her family yourself: use the police.
R32's white lie would be fine if she were a normal person, but if she has mental issues it's too complicated and she won't understand or retain it.
by Anonymous | reply 35 | February 27, 2023 2:02 PM
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I stopped answering my door for unannounced and unauthorized visitors. No exceptions.
Bang until your wrist is fractured. No answer.
by Anonymous | reply 36 | February 27, 2023 2:05 PM
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r35, you sound like a walking, talking stereotype.
OP has no justification for involving police. None. They haven't had the self-respect and courage to politely inform the neighbor her presence is not wanted, nor the fortitude to simply ignore the door. Documenting incidents is prudent but in no way is this harassment.
Police are not your personal enforcers.
by Anonymous | reply 37 | February 27, 2023 2:07 PM
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Here's a very sweet pic to dissolve any tension you might be experiencing.
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 38 | February 27, 2023 2:08 PM
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Next time don't open the door, say via intercom or shout through the door, "No. I'm not going to help you. It's not convenient; it's never going to be convenient. You're a pest. Don't come back."
And stick a front door cam by your door (even a fake one.)
by Anonymous | reply 39 | February 27, 2023 2:10 PM
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non-confrontational,
avoidant,
passive aggressive
paranoid....
this could actually become a groundbreaking topic to introduce to a therapy group.. all the dysfunction just rises to the top.
by Anonymous | reply 40 | February 27, 2023 2:10 PM
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Turnabout is fair play OP. You go right over to her house and ask for a cup of Ovaltine.
🙄
by Anonymous | reply 41 | February 27, 2023 2:10 PM
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OP it seems like your neighbor wants someone to talk to because she is being neglected. The bonus is you're gay. Many older women have warped views of gay men being a Ken doll with good taste that they can run around with. Basically a purse.
by Anonymous | reply 42 | February 27, 2023 2:12 PM
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When is the last time someone knocked on your door with a million dollar check? Never.
Unannounced visitors are always bullshit.
Once, I waited until someone left the door after not answering. I was late for work and as I left my place, they had the nerve to say outloud "Oh. Do you live here? We did not know you were in"!
I ignored them. it was some kind of sales grift/cam. Fuck. Off.
by Anonymous | reply 43 | February 27, 2023 2:14 PM
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This would be why I have a fenced-in yard and wifi cameras.
by Anonymous | reply 44 | February 27, 2023 2:22 PM
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R32 I don't think that will work. In our interactions, I don't say much because she seems like the type who can find a loophole in any reason given.
R33 The second time she asked for a ride, I got the feeling it would become this.
R37 Again, I was going to threaten her with police, but not do it. As I said, I suspect she may have had legal problems (the loss of her driver's license points to that), so the threat might be enough to scare her.
R42 I do think she genuinely wants/needs a driver. Though I suspect that because I'm obviously gay, she considers me "soft."
by Anonymous | reply 45 | February 27, 2023 2:23 PM
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You have all my sympathy, OP. It sounds just awful. Even sitting inside, curtains drawn, while she pounds on the door would be hellish. I hope you find a way to end it.
by Anonymous | reply 46 | February 27, 2023 2:25 PM
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As others have said, don't open the door. If you have to, just politely say 'no, sorry, I can't'. Don't explain - you can't argue or reason with crazy. Hoepefully, she'll eventually drop off.
Whatever problems she has, you don't need to know what they are. They're not your problems.
Do not relent and give her a ride anywhere. If you do, you only have yourself to blame for the hassle that will absolutely come your way. But you know this, don't you. I'm relying on your good sense, OP, but it's worth repeating: DO NOT GIVE HER A RIDE ANYWHERE.
by Anonymous | reply 47 | February 27, 2023 2:33 PM
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OP, in general I agree with the advice being given. No good deed goes unpunished.
by Anonymous | reply 48 | February 27, 2023 2:38 PM
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OP, why don't you understand that threatening to call the police will be considered A THREAT by people who may not be afraid but ANGRY?
by Anonymous | reply 49 | February 27, 2023 2:38 PM
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In the space of one day she asked you a million times for a ride! Awesome writing, OP. Keep it up.
by Anonymous | reply 50 | February 27, 2023 2:40 PM
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Stop answering the door. The more you engage, the more this will happen.
by Anonymous | reply 51 | February 27, 2023 2:44 PM
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Tell her she's getting on your last fucking nerve, to leave and don't ever fucking come back.
by Anonymous | reply 52 | February 27, 2023 2:46 PM
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Haven't you learned anything from the Datalounge lesbian threads?! State your boundaries, OP!
I had a weirdo neighbor -- middle aged loser who lived with his mother--who would stop over anytime he saw my light on to ask me for favors and money. Once he asked me to take him to the store and give him $20. He got beer and paid with my money...and he kept the change. then he knocked on my door at 4 a.m. shaking me down for $10. It was then that I had to state my boundaries! And then I told his mother and she finally kicked him out of the house.
by Anonymous | reply 53 | February 27, 2023 2:50 PM
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😂 You told his [italic] Mother ?
by Anonymous | reply 54 | February 27, 2023 2:52 PM
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Since this is clearly a foreign concept:
People who are criminals know how the system works.
People who ignore social norms are not rational.
Irrational people and criminals will not be dissuaded by threats to involve police; they will be provoked.
Once provoked, you now are at their mercy until they escalate enough to actually warrant police involvement.
The police don't sit outside your house, waiting to jump in and prevent you being victimized. Plus, sometimes they are also victimizers of victims!
Threatening to call the police shows your weakness and naivety, not strength.
by Anonymous | reply 55 | February 27, 2023 2:56 PM
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I would have told her to get an Uber or something.
by Anonymous | reply 56 | February 27, 2023 2:56 PM
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R54 see R55's comment. That's exactly why I told the idiot's mother instead of the cops. I knew she wanted to get him out of her house and I gave her the ammunition. I never saw him again.
by Anonymous | reply 57 | February 27, 2023 2:58 PM
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R22, what did you tell him?
Reading these comments makes me recall that I’ve had three different neighbors who’ve asked me to do things like take them to the store, take them to work, pick them up at the commuter lot, get them stuff at the store when they’re sick, etc.
Three of them had mental issues, one was just an entitled neighbor dubbed Karen by other neighbors even though that wasn’t her name because that’s what she was… they really are legion. And I live in a small neighborhood.
by Anonymous | reply 58 | February 27, 2023 2:59 PM
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Some people just don't have boundaries or understand proper protocol for making such request of people they do not know.
by Anonymous | reply 59 | February 27, 2023 3:02 PM
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I've seen this movie; can I have your stuff?
by Anonymous | reply 60 | February 27, 2023 3:05 PM
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"A ride" is usually just the opening volley. Pretty soon, this drunken cow will be asking for favors, for money, for dog semen. Who the hell knows where it's going to end?
If you give a mouse a cookie...
by Anonymous | reply 61 | February 27, 2023 3:06 PM
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[quote]her husband and their two twenty something children
Why she can't get the people she lives with to drive her is BAFFLING so she's looking for something else (if this story is even true).
I knew of a guy who lost his license. His commute involved a fair bit of driving so he moved into the city. People use buses, Ubers, etc. for the kind of journeys she's talking about.
by Anonymous | reply 63 | February 27, 2023 3:14 PM
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Clearly, you have to take this poor woman on a very long ride out into the middle of nowhere.
And then return alone.
by Anonymous | reply 64 | February 27, 2023 3:14 PM
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When I was in freshman dorms in college, there was a girl in my hall who used to do this to me.
She may have been aspie, but was also on a shitload of psych medication.
Anyway, the answer is: don't open the door. If she bothers you outside, you're late for wherever you have to be and don't have time to talk. Don't say anything rude--just keep walking.
by Anonymous | reply 65 | February 27, 2023 3:22 PM
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[quote]On Tuesday, she wanted a cup of sugar.
That's when I knew you were full of shit, OP. Be more creative next time.
by Anonymous | reply 66 | February 27, 2023 3:22 PM
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You can tell her you charge some ridiculous amount ($1,000?) for rides. She will go elsewhere.
by Anonymous | reply 67 | February 27, 2023 3:26 PM
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Got to wonder if she doesn't want to go with her husband and children because they will monitor her for buying alcohol.
by Anonymous | reply 68 | February 27, 2023 3:29 PM
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OP, there is no law that says you must answer your door. Ignore her repeatedly.
by Anonymous | reply 69 | February 27, 2023 3:32 PM
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This does sound a bit like my alcoholic grandmother. When she lost her license (drunk driving accidents), and we all stopped taking her to the store, she began hiring taxis or asking naïve neighbors to do it for her.
by Anonymous | reply 70 | February 27, 2023 3:44 PM
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Just give the old bitch her booze. It may be her only joy in life.
by Anonymous | reply 71 | February 27, 2023 3:56 PM
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OP is either making this up, or he wants all this drama in his life. Otherwise, he would just NOT answer the goddamn door.
by Anonymous | reply 72 | February 27, 2023 4:07 PM
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Get a recording of a pitbull that activates when they step up to your d oor. Loud vicious frenzied barking. And do not answer the door. LOL!
Seriously, OP, one thing. You owe her no explanations about why you don't want to play with her. None. Offer none. But do not waiver.
by Anonymous | reply 73 | February 27, 2023 4:11 PM
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He's giving me the urge to rob him, r72, and I'm not someone who's ever been criminally inclined.
by Anonymous | reply 74 | February 27, 2023 4:20 PM
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OP, make like "Bye Felicia" from the movie "Friday." March over to her house and bang on the door. Tell her you need to cook something to eat and you need to borrow her stove right quick! When she tells you no, you tell her to make sure she never comes knocking on your door to borrow anything ever again.
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 75 | February 27, 2023 4:26 PM
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Never be alone with a crazy woman, eventually she will claim you tried to rape her.
by Anonymous | reply 76 | February 27, 2023 4:27 PM
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Is this another Poo Shoes thread?
by Anonymous | reply 77 | February 27, 2023 4:51 PM
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It would be even better if you were to catch her as she set foot onto your property but no matter, the next time she walks toward your house, swing the door open with great force and let loose on her with a dose of loud, full-force crazy: 'You again, you filthy whore? Fuck right on off with you. Turn around, march your ass off my property and don't come back ever again. Take a fucking cue. Don't ask me for anything. Ever. You're fucking crazy or stupid or both. Need a ride? Call a god damned taxi like anyone else. And have leave your neighbors in peace.'
by Anonymous | reply 78 | February 27, 2023 5:09 PM
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You could always just….take her to the store. Offer to do it once every two weeks at a time that suits you and run some errands if your own at the same time. Record the first couple of times just in case, but instead of calling the national guard and building a moat around your house or hiring private security like some posters are suggesting the easiest thing might be just to do it. It’s really not that much energy, and community does exist. I know the usual ppl on here are just dying to assign a mental health diagnosis, but sometimes your neighbours just need a hand with something small. It’s not good to live your life in constant suspicious of ulterior motives of those around you. Typically people - when they ask for a favour, just need the favour.
by Anonymous | reply 79 | February 27, 2023 5:14 PM
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Where do you live, r79? It's not the U.S.
by Anonymous | reply 80 | February 27, 2023 5:17 PM
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The next time she shows up at your door tell her to go back k home where she belongs
by Anonymous | reply 81 | February 27, 2023 5:19 PM
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R80 I do live in the US. Not born there but I’ve lived here for a number of years now. I actually (scream) helped a neighbour move her bins the other day and (believe it or not) didn’t have to call the police on her.
by Anonymous | reply 82 | February 27, 2023 5:20 PM
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r80 the U.S. is a big place though the online world is small and attracts displays of histrionics.
by Anonymous | reply 83 | February 27, 2023 5:21 PM
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Congratulations, r82. Perhaps you're not picking up on the difference between normal behavior and unusual, social norm violations here. But finger-wag away!
by Anonymous | reply 84 | February 27, 2023 5:26 PM
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[quote] social norm violations
lol girl chill out it’s not that serious. Sometimes things are just straightforward, you don’t have to sensationalize everything.
by Anonymous | reply 85 | February 27, 2023 5:31 PM
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Right, that's why the vast majority of posters instinctively understand this neighbor is unstable in some way, r85. Please tell us more, oh wise one!
by Anonymous | reply 86 | February 27, 2023 5:35 PM
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Either your neighbor is mentally ill, or you are a troll. Or maybe both.
by Anonymous | reply 87 | February 27, 2023 5:38 PM
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OP, by chance do you have a blowtorch?
by Anonymous | reply 88 | February 27, 2023 5:39 PM
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OP, next time she asks, ask why her husband and kids don't drive her. Then say in a whisper 'you know, you can order mouthwash on Amazon'.
by Anonymous | reply 90 | February 27, 2023 5:42 PM
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R86 well looking at it rationally, OP is clearly biased towards making his case seem more in his favour than not, so it’s stylized to make the ‘neighbour’ sound ‘threatening’.
The ‘vast majority’ of posters on this thread want to assign mental health diagnoses to strangers on the internet for fun (a common theme on this forum) so they’re also not a good read.
Lastly, based on lived experience, throughout my life, people have at time to time asked for some sort of help, and when I’ve provided, nobody has lost a limb, so I can say based on precedence that she probably just wanted a lift to the store, with no insidious motive. But I guess that that’s less fun for random commenters to post about something being totally benign rather than doing the whole “CALL THE POLICE SHE’S MENTALLY UNSTABLE11!!1!2”.
by Anonymous | reply 91 | February 27, 2023 5:42 PM
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If you peruse the pit bull thread, you may get some ideas your own. A recording of raucous dog barking is also helpful, or get some props from a Halloween shop, some bloody items strewn about your lawn could also be enough to make her think about wanting to be alone in a car, with you.
You should get some signs in your yard telling everyone close enough to read, that they are under surveillance. A camera would also help, but advertising that there's surveillance is always helpful.
by Anonymous | reply 92 | February 27, 2023 5:45 PM
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I repeatedly admonished those suggesting the police be involved, r91. He still shouldn't engage this boundary-violating individual.
by Anonymous | reply 93 | February 27, 2023 5:46 PM
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R91 Sorry but this woman has been coming over near-daily asking for rides despite being turned down if OP is telling the truth. Red flag. And no, I don't think the police should be called either (would be useless and a waste of their time).
by Anonymous | reply 94 | February 27, 2023 5:47 PM
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[quote] if OP is telling the truth
Be honest, do you think he is? With no added colour?
[quote] I’ve lived in my current place for five years. [quote] I still don't know this woman's name!
Red flag against OP non? How do you live somewhere for that long and not know these peoples names?
by Anonymous | reply 95 | February 27, 2023 5:56 PM
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If you do engage with her again, in boundary setting you are supposed to he brief. “Give me a ride to the dentist.” “Nope. Sorry” or alt, “I can’t.” You don’t owe her an explanation, and you are not a bad person for protecting yourself. She could be using you as her drug mule, for crying out loud. If she is truly in need she can rely on her husband and adult kids, mass transit, taxis and delivery. If she has no money she needs to get aid. She has abused your kindness and sounds like a whack job. If you ignore her she’ll bang on another door. She is probably buttering you up to ask for money.
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 96 | February 27, 2023 5:57 PM
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Don't answer the door. Problem solved. Next.
by Anonymous | reply 97 | February 27, 2023 5:58 PM
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Just start asking her. Sorry, I can't drive today I feel dizzy. But if you go out will you buy me a bottle of vodka and some gummy bears? Just leave it on the porch. I'll pay you back next time I get paid. Thanks, Doll.
Or ask her to sweep your sidewalk and driveway because you messed up your back.
by Anonymous | reply 99 | February 27, 2023 6:01 PM
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[quote]Red flag against OP non? How do you live somewhere for that long and not know these peoples names?
You clearly come from a very different culture. I've lived where I live for 17 years and don't know the names of most of my neighbors.
by Anonymous | reply 100 | February 27, 2023 6:02 PM
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R100 I find that so bizarre. I think that’s one of the social problems with American culture, a lot of people (typically in a certain group) are irrationally terrified of strangers.
Interestingly when I moved to my current house a bunch of my neighbours stopped by to introduce themselves to me, so maybe your situation isn’t the norm.
The apartment building I lived in before this was fairly anonymous and people kept to themselves, but the building before that I was friends with lots of neighbours and people would very casually call in and hang out with each other (building roof parties on weekends etc.).
Do you live in the suburbs?
by Anonymous | reply 101 | February 27, 2023 6:08 PM
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R101 No, I live in the city. But let me guess.. you moved here from a third world or less developed country for better opportunities? Well guess what? This culture - keeping things professional and not enabling alcoholics or people with personality problems like this woman - is a big part of how developed countries are successful.
by Anonymous | reply 102 | February 27, 2023 6:20 PM
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Is this neighbor a Brazilian immigrant That's the way they frequently operate. Everything is exchange.
by Anonymous | reply 103 | February 27, 2023 6:22 PM
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Tell her that her face is disturbing your peace
by Anonymous | reply 104 | February 27, 2023 6:23 PM
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R102 well guess what? You guessed wrong baby.
by Anonymous | reply 105 | February 27, 2023 6:26 PM
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R105 You said that you weren't born in the US.. so what country/culture are you from?
by Anonymous | reply 106 | February 27, 2023 6:27 PM
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R106 it’s none of your business baby but it outranks the US on any list of ‘developed nations’ ranked that I could find. For instance the below in both categories. I don’t put too much stock in that stuff personally, but since you brought it up….
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 108 | February 27, 2023 6:39 PM
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Tell her ass gasoline is too expensive and charge her $100 per trip no matter the distance
by Anonymous | reply 110 | February 27, 2023 7:21 PM
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May I recommend the trap door approach.
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 111 | February 27, 2023 7:45 PM
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Years ago, I let a woman from across the street use my cordless house phone to call someone to come let her inside her house - that was her story, anyway. Well, guess what! Shortly there after, she and her husband started regularly repeating things that we had said to others while having phone conversations in our home! It blew up into a huge mess later. In this day and age - the Technological/Information Age - you would be very wise to be guarded. Privacy and boundary are just not respected anymore!
by Anonymous | reply 112 | February 27, 2023 8:03 PM
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My phone and everything else to this day!
by Anonymous | reply 114 | February 27, 2023 8:07 PM
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Do buses not operate where you live OP?
by Anonymous | reply 115 | February 27, 2023 8:08 PM
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You can give her a ride to the middle of nowhere and then leave her there.
by Anonymous | reply 116 | February 27, 2023 8:59 PM
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Sing “C’mon baby ride. Ride it”.
by Anonymous | reply 117 | February 27, 2023 9:42 PM
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Tell her you have a virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease and if she's in your physical vicinity, she'll be exposed to it.
by Anonymous | reply 118 | February 27, 2023 10:11 PM
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Tell the dumb bitch that you've been drinking/smoking weed, and can't drive. The end.
by Anonymous | reply 119 | February 27, 2023 10:33 PM
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R100, I’ve lived here 15 years and don’t know what most of my neighbors look like.
However, if one repeatedly showed up at my door asking for rides I would certainly ask her what her name is. And then I’d probably go talk to her family to see what her problem is.
by Anonymous | reply 120 | February 27, 2023 10:51 PM
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Don't have to call the cops and you can be firm but polite.
I can't offer you a ride. I don't keep cash in the house and can't offer you a loan.
by Anonymous | reply 121 | February 27, 2023 11:00 PM
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Grab her by the pussy.
If she’s cute, get her to pee pee on you.
by Anonymous | reply 123 | February 28, 2023 12:58 AM
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Two 20-somethings and a husband at home . . . so whatever THEIR reasons for being unable to take her wherever are, they don't add up to anything good. I think the plan was for her to get you away from the house long enough for them to break, enter, and pilfer. The cup of sugar was just to case the place.
by Anonymous | reply 125 | February 28, 2023 1:29 AM
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For those expressing skepticism about the sugar, I'm pretty sure it was a ruse. After getting the sugar, she came back (without my Tupperware!) and asked for a ride within 20 minutes. So, she obviously wasn't baking anything. I think she was just trying to gauge my mood before asking for the ride. I wish I had gotten angry at her, but all the times I've interacted with her she acted so odd, I was more baffled than anything else.
by Anonymous | reply 126 | February 28, 2023 1:57 AM
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OP this may be rouse to have you leave your house so the family can break in while you are gone and steal from you.
by Anonymous | reply 127 | February 28, 2023 2:04 AM
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R17 What a fucking idiot! Do you think only people from the Midwest are on welfare? Actually, far more people from the South are on the dole.
by Anonymous | reply 128 | February 28, 2023 2:06 AM
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Tell her you have COVID and cough in her face.
by Anonymous | reply 129 | February 28, 2023 2:08 AM
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OP I wonder what makes you so desperate for attention to make up this stupid story?
by Anonymous | reply 130 | February 28, 2023 2:08 AM
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r128 I didn't say that. I asked if she was was from the Midwest. Another question was if this was his first time dealing with a welfare case.
The idiocy in this thread is the assumption that all regions and locales are the same.
But to generalize, midwesterns are like stray cats. They'll linger around your place until someone else steps up or they're rehomed. Though polite on the surface, they have no loyalty to anyone but themselves and their own. So, they'll exhaust whatever resources are available to them and hide it under the guise of being neighborly. And like yourself, they're incapable of accountability. So many were trying to make their way west but they found it too trying, gave up and settled where they now live because they lack ambition or just simply follow thru. . which plagued us with generations of pasty and ashy ne'er-do-wells. The only real use we have for them is they have no sense of self preservation or selfrespect, so they're willing to drive across ice.
by Anonymous | reply 131 | February 28, 2023 2:22 AM
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R131 Maybe in your particular trailer park they were like that, but it's a large, very diverse region and your generalizations are silly.
by Anonymous | reply 132 | February 28, 2023 3:12 AM
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Are these colored people ? Never give them sugar !!!!
by Anonymous | reply 133 | February 28, 2023 3:18 AM
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[quote]Lastly, based on lived experience, throughout my life,
How many redundancies can you embed in one sentence?
by Anonymous | reply 134 | February 28, 2023 3:49 AM
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Hi, could I please borrow a cup of elaborate scenario?
by Anonymous | reply 135 | February 28, 2023 3:54 AM
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OP call the police, not 911 but on the tip line and tell them you believe illegal activity is going on at that house. Then just do not answer your door.
by Anonymous | reply 137 | February 28, 2023 4:11 AM
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OP she and her family are up to no good. Avoid them. Also find out if they're renters.
by Anonymous | reply 138 | February 28, 2023 4:11 AM
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R134 the ‘throughout my life’ was referring to these experiences happening through all stages of my life, so it wasn’t doubling down it was adding context via a timeline. Hope that helps! Always good to read things slowly haha x.
by Anonymous | reply 140 | February 28, 2023 4:19 AM
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Unless OP is at home all the time, why does she have to take a ride with him to access his property? I am sure that they could easily monitor when he goes out and how long he typically takes e.g. for work. It seems like an odd and drawing-attention-to-themselves way of going about that.
by Anonymous | reply 141 | February 28, 2023 4:34 AM
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R140 The dumb grammar cunt was trying to refer to your tautology. It is where you say two things that are the same. For ex: I am a cunt, I post on the DL. The latter suggests the former.
by Anonymous | reply 142 | February 28, 2023 4:34 AM
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R142 yea no I got that I was explaining that he was wrong. There wasn’t a tautology bc the second was qualifying the first :|
by Anonymous | reply 143 | February 28, 2023 4:42 AM
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A tautology is when you say two things that are the same. Most illiterate fucks say 50 things that are the same these days. People are just fucking stupid.
by Anonymous | reply 144 | February 28, 2023 1:24 PM
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It's the phrase "lived experience " that appears to be more at issue. The phrase itself is redundant.
by Anonymous | reply 145 | February 28, 2023 1:55 PM
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It's still redundant. If you have experienced it you have lived it. It's a stupid phrase.
by Anonymous | reply 147 | February 28, 2023 3:02 PM
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Fuck this bitch!!!! Get a Ring camera. Pay the nominal monthly fee to be able to recall footage if you need to.
Then, stop answering your door; all the better if she knows you're home and declining to answer.
If she's sane, she'll have enough self respect to stop after she gets the message.
If she's crazy, you'll know sooner rather than later and you'll need to engage the cops.
More than likely she's a grifter who's testing your boundaries and will get the message.
Can never be too sure though. Take precautions. Most people fuck off when they see that Ring camera. Point is, there's no need at all to engage with her any further. Plus the less contact, the less chances for any misunderstandings or conflict.
by Anonymous | reply 148 | February 28, 2023 3:23 PM
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Op is a pussy and probably tech challenged too. Just give up with your replies. Move on tampon.
by Anonymous | reply 149 | February 28, 2023 3:35 PM
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Next time she pops over, get your camera phone out and video it. Make sure you record the fact that you ask her to please stop coming over, and that you are not available to give her rides. Tell her that she has plenty of options like Uber and Lyft and family members. Then stop answering the door. If you do get Ring, which I also endorse, you can document whether or not she persists.
by Anonymous | reply 150 | February 28, 2023 3:35 PM
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That just sounds demented. I’m glad I’ve never had neighbours that bad.
by Anonymous | reply 151 | February 28, 2023 5:17 PM
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If your neighbor was a gay dude, you'd be putting on your lipstick and fluffing your caftan before throwing open the door, OP.
by Anonymous | reply 152 | February 28, 2023 5:26 PM
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r132 Yet here we are in a thread full of generalizations and easily triggered people... now I understand why so many of you are antigun.
by Anonymous | reply 153 | February 28, 2023 5:27 PM
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R153 Oh, I get it. You're MAGA.
by Anonymous | reply 154 | February 28, 2023 8:15 PM
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I honestly don't get some of you. If one of my neighbors did this even once, especially one whose name I don't even know, I would just laugh and slam the door in their face.
Exceptions potentially for elderly folks with no family, but some random lady with a husband and 2 grown kids living with her? Absolutely not. If it happened more than once I would be knocking on THEIR door and demanding their family do something about this person. After the third time I'd call the police and press charges for harassment.
I swear to god some of you seem to exist just to be taken advantage of.
by Anonymous | reply 155 | February 28, 2023 8:32 PM
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If this isn't an EST.....
If you think there's a deep issue here, maybe talk to a few other neighbors and see if social services need to get involved.
Otherwise, say firmly to her, once, sorry, you are not giving her a ride.
by Anonymous | reply 156 | February 28, 2023 8:53 PM
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Open the door naked. She’ll never come back.
by Anonymous | reply 157 | February 28, 2023 11:21 PM
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OP, You in danger, girl.
I saw this episodes in ID investigating Discovery. They befriend a lonely confirmed bachelor, then one day, her and her adult son, take him hostage and torture for bank information, then they kill him and dismember his body!!
by Anonymous | reply 159 | March 1, 2023 12:09 AM
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R134 I think you're confusing Datalounge with a 1930s Bloomsbury drawing room.
by Anonymous | reply 160 | March 1, 2023 12:21 AM
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Even the Bloomsburies were pretty avant-garde! Following rigid rules is neither creative nor honest.
by Anonymous | reply 161 | March 1, 2023 12:33 AM
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Unless there's an emergency, there is no reason to ever, ever bang on someone's door. Ever.
An emergency is a house fire. That kind of thing.
Just because someone appears to be in that doesn't mean they are receiving visitors.
by Anonymous | reply 162 | March 1, 2023 12:38 AM
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r154 did you come up with that one all by yourself?
by Anonymous | reply 163 | March 1, 2023 1:25 AM
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R155 girl someone calling to your house and asking for a ride or a lend of sugar doesn’t constitute criminal harassment, get a fucking clue. The police would laugh in your face. I stg some of u ppl!
by Anonymous | reply 164 | March 1, 2023 1:44 AM
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[quote] Unless there's an emergency, there is no reason to ever, ever bang on someone's door. Ever.
“A parcel was delivered to our house for you by accident. Here it is”
“I noticed you dropped your wallet on the street outside your house, here you go”
“I’m having a party this weekend fyi, just letting you know in advance, if it’s too noisy lmk”
“I’m leaving town for a weekend, if my alarm goes off here’s my number to let me know thanks”
by Anonymous | reply 165 | March 1, 2023 1:51 AM
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R163 No, I had to have help. MAGAs are sometimes hard to spot, even when they're producing an awful stench and smashing everything to bits. My friend said, "Look out. That's not a rabid wild boar, it's a MAGA on a message board."
by Anonymous | reply 166 | March 1, 2023 1:51 AM
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Maybe she's looking for a mustache ride? I recommend you shave, just in case.
by Anonymous | reply 167 | March 1, 2023 1:52 AM
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Tell her you’re her personal Uber driver, and charge her surge prices.
She’ll stop asking you real quick.
by Anonymous | reply 168 | March 1, 2023 1:53 AM
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r166 Do you believe you see magats everywhere? Do you suspect most of your neighbors of being them too? Someone cuts you off in traffic, is it a magat? Was your mother a magat, too?
by Anonymous | reply 169 | March 1, 2023 2:21 AM
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R169 I think it was your fetishistic love of guns that gave you away, and your flattering yourself that you "trigger" people. Do you trigger them, or do they just find you repulsive and ridiculous?
by Anonymous | reply 170 | March 1, 2023 2:27 AM
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I'll give her a ride if she's heading in the direction of Hillside.
by Anonymous | reply 171 | March 1, 2023 2:34 AM
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r170 how is it fetishistic with recognizing that most of the people in this thread makes a good case for gun control? I would think if such people found me repulsive and ridiculous they would avoid me or at least be able to handle a daft neighbor without breaking down into hysterics.
by Anonymous | reply 172 | March 1, 2023 2:51 AM
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Do you have any pets? That would affect how I'd react to this scenario.
Pets: don't engage the crazy under any circumstance no pets: use your judgement
by Anonymous | reply 173 | March 1, 2023 2:51 AM
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R170 no sane person refers to others as "antigun", only magats
by Anonymous | reply 174 | March 1, 2023 2:53 AM
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Says the "sane" person referring to others as "magats". R174. You can't make this stuff up.
by Anonymous | reply 175 | March 1, 2023 4:55 AM
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