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Let's Be An Epic Lesbian Movie

I'm the clashing of canes over the last slice of nutloaf.

by Anonymousreply 76March 21, 2023 10:40 PM

I'm the u-haul that never arrives at it's destination

by Anonymousreply 1February 22, 2023 12:51 PM

I'm the day without dyke drama... only to discover she was str8 the entire time.

by Anonymousreply 2February 22, 2023 12:57 PM

OP is the never ending queefing that gets all the girls all amorous.

by Anonymousreply 3February 22, 2023 1:00 PM

I'm the documentary for Erasure fans. Lesbian Erasure Fans.

by Anonymousreply 4February 22, 2023 1:01 PM

Lezzies aren't into Erasure. Are ya drunk?

by Anonymousreply 5February 22, 2023 1:02 PM

I'm the bed... nothing happens.

by Anonymousreply 6February 22, 2023 1:05 PM

I’m the café open-mic quality of the singer-songwriter tracks on the OST. Many middle-aged bedreaded white women sing in my yelping earnest style.

by Anonymousreply 7February 22, 2023 1:13 PM

I'm the weathered, mysterious sage who manages, but doesn't own, the neighborhood pawn shop. Whenever the protagonist scrapes enough money together to buy back her dead mother's ring, I'm always waiting with a "hang in their, girl" message of support.

by Anonymousreply 8February 22, 2023 1:19 PM

I'm the coveted bread pudding and loaded baked potatoes

by Anonymousreply 9February 22, 2023 1:25 PM

I'm the underwear of my one true love bunched up on the floor... I know we connected but I can't remember her name or what she looks like. I'll have to scour the city to match the dirty pair to find my queen.

by Anonymousreply 10February 22, 2023 1:27 PM

I'm the last butch in a world of femmes.

by Anonymousreply 11February 22, 2023 1:35 PM

I'm the pick up truck chasing the Subaru scene with a closeup of a Birkenstock on the accelerator pedal.

by Anonymousreply 12February 22, 2023 1:37 PM

I'm the main character who knows everything, is more capable than anyone else, has no discernable flaws, and makes sassy derogatory jokes to my hapless male assistants while I save the day single handedly.

I make it look easy!

by Anonymousreply 13February 22, 2023 1:39 PM

I’m all of the symbolic imagery…..clams, flannel shirts, cans of tuna, hairy armpits, and sagging tits.

by Anonymousreply 14February 22, 2023 1:52 PM

I'm Captain Marvel's girlfriend.

by Anonymousreply 15February 22, 2023 1:52 PM

Women talking. I watched that this morning. Goddamn. Horrifying, they aren't Lesbians, but you watch that movie, know that its true and then forget it. I never should have watched it.

by Anonymousreply 16February 22, 2023 1:56 PM

I'm 'Foxfire'. I was released 28 years ago, and there has never been a sapphic film to equal me made since.

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by Anonymousreply 17March 3, 2023 10:48 PM

I'm the soundtrack made up of 100 CPAP machines humming in unison.

by Anonymousreply 18March 3, 2023 10:57 PM

Don't forget the Doc Martens. Every lezzy must have a couple pairs.

by Anonymousreply 19March 3, 2023 10:59 PM

I'm the scene where the drunk frat bro grabs the femme's ass as she walks past a bar, and the butch, walking a few paces behind her, takes on him and three other frat bros and administers an epic beatdown to all four without breaking a sweat (though she does break a few bottles over their heads).

She concludes with a brief lecture on the male gaze and the perils of underestimating the sisterhood.

In the audience, many husky hoots and hollers are heard in solidarity.

by Anonymousreply 20March 3, 2023 11:03 PM

R20 am blushing and giggling and kicking my feet in the air rn

by Anonymousreply 21March 3, 2023 11:05 PM

I'm "Julie d'Aubigny"! I'm a historical film about a real-life lesbian who sang opera, fought duels, cross-dressed, and seduced nuns! I was the badass of 19th century France, and every man who ever felt my fist or my sword muthafucking knew it!

Why the hell did they make the dull "Gentleman Jim", instead of a story about me. 90% of that shitshow was Jim haggling about money.

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by Anonymousreply 22March 4, 2023 12:59 AM

I'm Dykes To Watch Out For finally being made into a live action film and convincing someone to do a series.

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by Anonymousreply 23March 4, 2023 2:18 AM

We're the extras performing Amish clogging in the background during the climactic barn dance scene. Wardrobe saved a bunch of money on our account -- because we just brought our own shoes that we wear when performing this at all our home get-togethers!

by Anonymousreply 24March 4, 2023 4:37 AM






by Anonymousreply 25March 4, 2023 4:48 AM

The glamour lesbian sister brought over the lGerman-made lesbian film Aime and Jaguar to watch together. The husbear and I gave each other side eye, but the film turned out to be excellent.

True story of a Nazi officer's wife with 4 kids who falls in love with a woman she later learns is a Jew.

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by Anonymousreply 26March 4, 2023 6:19 AM

I'm the annoying character played by Kate McKinnon.

by Anonymousreply 27March 4, 2023 6:21 AM

I'm the howls in the distance of the she-wolves baying for blood at the menstrual moon.

by Anonymousreply 28March 4, 2023 6:51 PM

I'm the toilet seat that must be kept down at all times.

by Anonymousreply 29March 4, 2023 7:15 PM

[quote]I'm the annoying character played by Kate McKinnon.

With an inexplicable Australian accent, because some idiot told her she was good at doing them.

She's not.

by Anonymousreply 30March 4, 2023 7:41 PM

I'm the 1990s. Lesbian films were good while I was alive.

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by Anonymousreply 31March 5, 2023 8:34 PM

R11 and I am the last high-femme in a gangland of butches😔

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by Anonymousreply 32March 6, 2023 12:57 PM

I'm the convent school girl who becomes a nun...

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by Anonymousreply 33March 7, 2023 2:34 AM

I’m the lack of sleeves

by Anonymousreply 34March 7, 2023 2:43 AM

I’m the moment in which a piece of fruit is erotically consumed. There’s always one.

by Anonymousreply 35March 7, 2023 11:38 AM

I’m Asuka. I have saved and defends and protected and inspired every damsel in the Tokyo Prefecture..except myself.

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by Anonymousreply 36March 8, 2023 2:38 PM

I'm the tastefully simulated passion

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by Anonymousreply 37March 8, 2023 3:18 PM

R34 isn't it sleeves rolled to or past the elbow? That's what I always heard was the stereotype. Though I guess vests and ripped-off sleeves are very butch.

by Anonymousreply 38March 8, 2023 4:01 PM

I am the lack of any men, and any male dialogue, and any plot point involving men.

by Anonymousreply 39March 8, 2023 10:39 PM

I'm Denise, a plucky womon with an entrepreneurial spirit!

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by Anonymousreply 40March 8, 2023 10:46 PM

I’m the lingering looks between the eyes. The camera isn’t wholly focused on tits.

by Anonymousreply 41March 9, 2023 11:44 AM

I’m the better production values than what the boys get. My films aren’t released through WOLFE video or Breaking Glass.

I can therefore afford a director of photography and an actor that can walk and talk

by Anonymousreply 42March 9, 2023 11:49 AM

I'm the terrifying degree of overanalysing the most minute low-stakes shit.

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by Anonymousreply 43March 10, 2023 1:07 AM

I'm the soccer ball.

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by Anonymousreply 44March 11, 2023 2:00 AM

I'm the proud swagger after getting my girlfriend off.

by Anonymousreply 45March 11, 2023 3:00 AM

I’m the gratuitous and superfluous twunk. I’m just random eye candy to get gay men and straight women to see this movie.

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by Anonymousreply 46March 11, 2023 11:39 AM

I'm another Oscar ready to be grasped by one Ms, Blanchett.

by Anonymousreply 47March 11, 2023 1:45 PM

I'm the end credits folksy song, a duet between Melissa Etheridge and k.d. lang.

by Anonymousreply 48March 11, 2023 3:11 PM

I'm the bi woman who's only been with men, and who's never climaxed like this, if at all!

by Anonymousreply 49March 12, 2023 5:48 PM

I'm Themyscira.

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by Anonymousreply 50March 12, 2023 9:45 PM

I’ve stated my boundaries. Clearly.

by Anonymousreply 51March 12, 2023 9:53 PM

I’m the old sage played by a big star, most likely Kathy Bates, who makes a surprise appearance about 15 minutes from the end. I’ve been hanging on to a love letter that holds a secret, or some such thing, that will allow the protagonist to piece everything together.

by Anonymousreply 52March 12, 2023 9:54 PM

I’m all the hairs in Donna’s teeth after she eats out 20 lezzies lined up pussy-by-pussy.

by Anonymousreply 53March 13, 2023 5:47 AM

I'm the Autostraddle staff, redefining the movie as "queer" rather than "lesbian", and gnashing our teeth at the lack of representation of any number of things that make us feel superior to point out.

by Anonymousreply 54March 13, 2023 7:48 PM

R54 ugh Auto are the fucking worst. And they've been the fucking worst for a good several years. Up there with PinkNews for awful.

by Anonymousreply 55March 13, 2023 8:27 PM

I'm the title; Salome and Her Dance of the Seven Chins

by Anonymousreply 56March 13, 2023 8:29 PM

R56 idk plenty of straight middle-aged and elderfrauen have jowls aplenty, it's not a lesbian marker

by Anonymousreply 57March 13, 2023 8:50 PM

R55, I sympathise! I’m a gay man but even I can see how terrible they are. In the right mood they are hilarious to laugh at because the things they say are so stupid, but you can also see how damaging they can be too. I see why so many lesbians are pissed off with them.

by Anonymousreply 58March 13, 2023 9:13 PM

[quote]ugh Auto are the fucking worst.

They are running a fundraiser now, and say they need $175K in the next two weeks or they won't survive! That seems incredibly steep for that short period of time, surely they're not going to raise that much from their readers? How on earth do they stay afloat?

Also, whenever they do these fundraisers, they're so obnoxious about it. No gratitude, just: "you owe us this money" type speak.

by Anonymousreply 59March 16, 2023 9:03 PM

I’m the gamine baby dyke with a pixie cut and a taste for revenge.

by Anonymousreply 60March 16, 2023 9:52 PM

R60 oh you don't even need to cue up a 2 hour film for that..

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by Anonymousreply 61March 16, 2023 10:04 PM

I'm the homoerotic haircut scene

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by Anonymousreply 62March 17, 2023 5:54 AM

I'm the all-girls' school. Lesbianism blossoms within my walls.

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by Anonymousreply 63March 17, 2023 5:14 PM

I’m vampiresses. I’m never out of style or passé.

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by Anonymousreply 64March 18, 2023 3:00 PM

I'm Little Darlings, an epic lesbian movie that didn't start out that way...

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by Anonymousreply 65March 19, 2023 5:37 AM

If this is a mainstream movie, then I'm the random silken draperies blowing around during the love scenes.

by Anonymousreply 66March 19, 2023 4:32 PM

[quote]They are running a fundraiser now, and say they need $175K in the next two weeks or they won't survive! That seems incredibly steep for that short period of time, surely they're not going to raise that much from their readers?

Well, as of today (that is, it's been three days since the above was posted) they have apparently raised $173,328.66! How on earth does an indie publication do that?

by Anonymousreply 67March 19, 2023 7:54 PM

I'm Sara "They/Them" Ramirez, the star of the movie.

I'm what makes this dyke flick an EPIC.

by Anonymousreply 68March 19, 2023 11:47 PM

I’m the masculine, athletic but still sexy lesbian who runs around in a 1979 tank too and running short outfit the entire movie

by Anonymousreply 69March 19, 2023 11:57 PM

I'm the delicious teaching/learning how to kiss under false pretenses, and the ensuing heartache after everything's been said and done.

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by Anonymousreply 70March 20, 2023 12:47 AM

I am starring in it.

by Anonymousreply 71March 20, 2023 2:51 AM

I'm the rubber, battery-operated phallus that steals the spotlight when it becomes accidentally activated during an otherwise serious moment. No actual penetration is shown on screen.

by Anonymousreply 72March 21, 2023 2:06 AM

I am also starring in it

by Anonymousreply 73March 21, 2023 2:12 AM

I’m Drew Gregory’s endless complaints in his Autostraddle/Letterboxd reviews that the lesbian movie contains too many mentions of vagina and *gasp* no mention of penis and how this is incredibly problematic!

by Anonymousreply 74March 21, 2023 9:43 PM

Letterboxd, like DL, is one of those '10% worth suffering and dying for' sites. When it's good, it's fucking fantastic. But it's not usually good.

by Anonymousreply 75March 21, 2023 10:24 PM

(I know it’s off topic, R75, but any advice on where to look for the fantastic side of it? I haven’t had much luck there yet - and certainly not with Drew’s ‘faggoty’ reviews!)

by Anonymousreply 76March 21, 2023 10:40 PM
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