Hello and thank you for being a DL contributor. We are changing the login scheme for contributors for simpler login and to better support using multiple devices. Please click here to update your account with a username and password.

Hello. Some features on this site require registration. Please click here to register for free.

Hello and thank you for registering. Please complete the process by verifying your email address. If you can't find the email you can resend it here.

Hello. Some features on this site require a subscription. Please click here to get full access and no ads for $1.99 or less per month.

Women who get off on stealing boyfriends/husbands

What's at the bottom of that, psychologically? Have you known guys to do the same thing?

My own sister is somewhat an offender... definitely enjoys being giggly and attention seeking around the husbands of her friend group, especially when the women aren't around. It makes her giddy.

by Anonymousreply 102February 1, 2023 8:25 AM

Here she comes, little miss thinks she can have

What she wants in a blink of an eye

Here she comes, acts like she's your best friend

Then you turn your back and she's off with your guy

by Anonymousreply 1January 26, 2023 10:10 PM

I def know a gay guy who spent a life doing that.

Thankfully he's older now and is not as dashing, but he reveled in the many partnerships he broke up.

by Anonymousreply 2January 26, 2023 10:11 PM

Can you give an example of how she acts, OP?

by Anonymousreply 3January 26, 2023 10:15 PM

[Italic]Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene I'm begging of you please don't take my man Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene Please don't take him just because you can…[/Italic]

by Anonymousreply 4January 26, 2023 10:16 PM

Ariana Grande is one of these. That's what happened with Pete Davidson. Ie, the Break up with Your Girlfriend Cuz I'm Bored song

by Anonymousreply 5January 26, 2023 10:16 PM

She kidnapped them? Kept them locked in a basement, like in Black Phone? That’s really scary. Did any of them make it out alive?

by Anonymousreply 6January 26, 2023 10:17 PM

Yes, because men have absolutely no agency.

by Anonymousreply 7January 26, 2023 10:18 PM

R3, Tells them stories that are purposefully attention seeking, like a lesbian experience she had. A little extra touchy, one time made a joke at the wife's expense (her college friend). She does it worst with this short bald guy, not even the cutest but the one who's happy to reciprocate most.

by Anonymousreply 8January 26, 2023 10:27 PM

can't steal what is given freely

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 9January 26, 2023 10:30 PM

I dunno, R8, other than telling the joke at her friend’s expense, it sounds pretty harmless to me. She sounds lonely and a little sad

by Anonymousreply 10January 26, 2023 10:31 PM

the husbands/boyfriends sound lonely and sad

by Anonymousreply 11January 26, 2023 10:33 PM

I had a neighbor like that. She slept with many neighbors. An affair would usually last a few months before the man would break it off because his wife was suspecting something or he felt guilty. She was even friends with some of these men's wives. The women would confide personal information about their husbands, and she'd use that info to get the women's husbands in bed. During the affair, she continued being friends with the wife. She seemed to relish the fact she was cheating with her friend's husband.

She was married herself, but her husband didn't seem to know about her activities.

It was a weird pathological thing. Her parents seemed nice and down to earth, and her sister was normal too. She didn't seem to have any past experiences of bullying.

by Anonymousreply 12January 26, 2023 10:35 PM

I went to college with this trashy bitch in Houston who was pathological about fucking unavailable guys. She had a face like a mud gate fence and delighted in stealing good looking men from much more attractive and physically fit women than her. Glad I dropped that trash as a friend.

by Anonymousreply 13January 26, 2023 10:38 PM

My theory is that it's about stealing other people's happiness. These people see a happy couple, feel envy, break up the couple, and feel temporarily happy, smug, and powerful. But it doesn't last, because the snatcher doesn't actually like the person they've acquired.

What's pathological about is the desire to ruin the happiness of others, and repeating the scenario even though it resulted in nothing but temporary happiness. It may be the feeling of power they're really after, some people will do anything for a feeling of power, however temporary.

by Anonymousreply 14January 26, 2023 10:53 PM

Extremely low self esteem

by Anonymousreply 15January 26, 2023 11:03 PM

Why is everyone looking at me?

by Anonymousreply 16January 26, 2023 11:54 PM

1.Doesn't feel worthy of having a man of her own.

2. Doesn't believe in being single.

by Anonymousreply 17January 27, 2023 12:01 AM

Who gives a shit? (unless your boyfriend is bi)

by Anonymousreply 18January 27, 2023 12:20 AM

I have a friendly acquaintance, female, who only goes after married women with kids….once they divorce their husbands and are entirely in her thrall, she leaves them and moves on to the next one…..pretty horrible

by Anonymousreply 19January 27, 2023 12:21 AM

R19 isn’t that what Martina Navratilova did with her girlfriend Judy?

by Anonymousreply 20January 27, 2023 12:43 AM

Gays do this all the time.

by Anonymousreply 21January 27, 2023 12:45 AM

MC Luscious too!!! It’s an epidemic!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 22January 27, 2023 12:50 AM

It sounds like a disordered personality OP

by Anonymousreply 23January 27, 2023 9:33 AM

I've known three women who said that they specifically wanted a guy who had been "vetted" (one said "his wife already took him for a test drive and he passed"). They also said "if the marriage is strong then I wouldn't have been able to break them up" and it didn't seem to occur to them that these two thoughts were contradictory.

Yes, your new man has been vetted... and shown to be a cheater without loyalty or sense of responsibility.

The only one I halfway still know is my boyfriend's mom. She's now in her late 70s, still has the younger man she stole from his wife and baby, but is now sick because she had major back surgery but didn't tell her doctor she was addicted to some prescription medication (honestly don't know what) and massive infection set in during recovery. Her 50-something husband has no time in his day to take care of an old woman who is now wheelchair bound, and I'm pretty sure he tried to burn down the house with her in it about four years ago.

by Anonymousreply 24January 27, 2023 9:41 AM

I think it’s just sport or power for some people. They view it as somehow ‘winning’. What’s sad is many aren’t content with their won quarry, and they quickly move on after leaving a wake of destruction. They are addicted more to the hunt.

by Anonymousreply 25January 27, 2023 9:53 AM

Some women have to take their cues as to what they want by watching other people decide what they want. Watch in any shop, in any grocery store, in any outdoor market, and especially any antiques fair or crafts market or farmers' market. There will be women milling about singly as though they might spend spend the whole fucking day just in the root vegetables department. Then the self-satifisfied look drops and they become consumed with finding the perfect purchase. "What to buy? What to buy? I know what I'll do, I'll follow that guy who looks like he knows what he wants and when he sets something down, I'll pick it up and buy it...but wait, he's looking at something else now. Should I buy that one instead?"

Gay men can be as bad. I had a friend whose taste in men was very different than mine, but he tried to fuck every man I fucked. His pleasure wasn't in the fucking, it was in telling me he had fucked someone I had fucked. Again and again. Somehow it made him feel he had achieved something. And I think each of his boyfriend's was "stolen" from one of his friends. He only wanted any of them after he say that someone else wanted them first.

by Anonymousreply 26January 27, 2023 10:55 AM

[quote]What's at the bottom of that, psychologically?

Good-for-nothing whoredom.

by Anonymousreply 27January 27, 2023 11:14 AM

R1 I love that song

by Anonymousreply 28January 27, 2023 11:29 AM
Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 29January 27, 2023 11:38 AM

It's validation for someone who feels worthless inside. They don't believe in themselves so they get validation from someone who is willing to "risk it all" to be with him. The thinking is, "I must really be something if this man is willing to throw away his life and family for me..." Even if they don't believe it themselves. So it's an exercise in power to prove to themselves that they have value in the world. Most of the time they don't want the person, just the knowledge as Jolene had of knowing you CAN do it. Ignoring them drives them crazy and makes them more aggressive in their attempts because they feel you can see what they actually think about themselves - that they empty and soulless. And that by somehow changing your mind and "winning you" negates that truth.

by Anonymousreply 30January 27, 2023 12:17 PM

^ "risk it all" to be with THEM...

by Anonymousreply 31January 27, 2023 12:18 PM

OPs is your hatred of women blinding you to how much gay men love to do this? Even most of our porn is centered around being able to fuck a "straight" guy who some relationship with a woman.

by Anonymousreply 32January 27, 2023 12:20 PM

If your boyfriend/husband can be stolen, then he wasn't yours to begin with. It annoys me when people blame the other person. That other person doesn't owe you and your relationship anything.

by Anonymousreply 33January 27, 2023 12:22 PM

I have known gay guys who do the same. And what happens is they eventually reject the guy they stole away, for being unfaithful. So each party gets what they deserve. The caisse couple (the homewecker) KNOWS the guy being stolen is an unfaithful person. Then the wife break and the unfaithful guy throw care to the wind, ignoring that they are the worst makings for a new couple. It can even last many years but then rinse repeat of the original situation.

Its probably not a big deal because most gay relationships don't last forever and certainly not for these types. In the meantime, they get what they want and needfor a few months or a few years.

By the way two of the gay guys who are home wreckers - their straight moms were the same. And the unfaithful gay guy in couples, their straight fathers were the same - always married with a side piece - mistress.

by Anonymousreply 34January 27, 2023 12:27 PM

A lot of times people act this way even when the person doesn't take the bait R33. It doesn't always end in a conquest. Yet you have people routinely throwing themselves at unavailable people. I think that is really what the OP is referring to.

And, BTW, I think this is the psychology of anyone who goes after someone unavailable, as I stated in r30. It's the same when Gay men go after Straight men, when people go after someone who is married, or just generally not interested in them. It is not that his straightness makes him hot. It's the idea that I am powerful enough to get someone to do something they otherwise would not have done. It has more to do with what the person lacks inside than any care for what the other person is willing to do.

by Anonymousreply 35January 27, 2023 12:32 PM

[quote]Ignoring them drives them crazy and makes them more aggressive in their attempts because they feel you can see what they actually think about themselves - that they empty and soulless.

r30 = Dan Gallagher

by Anonymousreply 36January 27, 2023 12:57 PM

Woman here. When it happened to me, I felt the other woman/whorebag was more obsessed with me than she was my boyfriend. It was more about one-upping me than being with him

by Anonymousreply 37January 27, 2023 3:36 PM

I had 2 friends who tried that. One was my best friend and that hurt so much. We did reconnect a few years later and I asked her why she did it. She said she was jealous for various reasons. I did forgive her and we're still friends.

by Anonymousreply 38January 27, 2023 3:37 PM

I casually knew a guy at uni and introduced him to a friend. Very soon after, the friend is telling me they're together and raving about him? Our talk then went something like this:

Me: Who? Oh, that guy I introduced you to last week outside ____?

Friend: I thought you guys were dating! [First red flag but I didn't ask why he was dating him if he thought I already was, I was a bit shocked]

Me: I've only spoken to him twice before

Friend: YOU guys aren't an item?

Me: No, hardly know the guy, he just comes up and talks to me. Not my type.

The guy was dumped almost immediately. Second red flag.

Same friend was always trying to get into my pants. When I let him hold my hand as we walked into a gay club (he begged, said everyone would think we were together), that soon stopped. Turned out he only wanted people to think we were sleeping together. I've always felt grateful he wasn't my type. Can imagine he put quite a few men through the wringer. And some women too. Identified as bi.

He'd told me that when younger (16 or so) was sleeping with an older married guy, then fell in love with the woman in the couple (after seeking her out). Had become a messy situation.

Drifted apart. Other people have said so-called friend had been diagnosed with BPD. Very intelligent, well-read, well-travelled, good-looking but definitely attention seeking to an inappropriate degree in public and private. Had some great qualities but clearly messed up. Also suffered severe depression at times but refused to see a dr, take meds, get counselling. A lot of catholic issues from strict, religious parents. Had been involved with his own uncle before turning 16. Thinking on it now, it would be a surprise if it turned out the uncle hadn't had a partner of some sort when they were sleeping together.

by Anonymousreply 39January 27, 2023 10:47 PM

Its a perfect storm of a gullible non committed person in a relationship with a devious, shallow, petty, power hungry loser

by Anonymousreply 40January 27, 2023 11:03 PM

According to traditional psychological theory, straight women (and gay men) bond first with their mothers, but then are attracted to their fathers. They are jealous of their mother and compete with her for their father’s attention. They can go through life repeating that pattern in adult relationships. On some level, they’re always trying to get back at mommy.

by Anonymousreply 41January 27, 2023 11:04 PM

Gay men here brag about sleeping with married "straight men"....but attack women for sleeping with married men

by Anonymousreply 42January 27, 2023 11:08 PM

Im saying r42. MANY gay hoes can only get off when they're getting fucked by another person's man, especially a man that has a woman!

by Anonymousreply 43January 27, 2023 11:23 PM

Touche, R42, but the fact is... when a straight woman tries to steal a man from another woman, she is NOT being motivated by internalized homophobia.

So it's a different discussion.

by Anonymousreply 44January 28, 2023 12:09 AM

Pick me girls are insecure and need constant validation.

They target men who have partners in order to feel superior.

by Anonymousreply 45January 28, 2023 12:14 AM

Why is another woman blamed for breaking up a couple? The man should be blamed for it.

by Anonymousreply 46January 28, 2023 12:30 AM

My fat (but wealthy and successful) sister only goes after married or gay or just not into her men.

Sometimes someone goes for it and she has a fling with a married co-worker who is her subordinate.

She is a weird mix of arrogant/above the rules and needy, sad, self pitying “fat gurl”.

by Anonymousreply 47January 28, 2023 12:32 AM

R46, there are people who are only interested in someone who is already in an established relationship, pardon us while we discuss their weirdness.

by Anonymousreply 48January 28, 2023 12:33 AM

It turns me on to steal a man for a fuck but I don't like to take them away from their partners permanently.

by Anonymousreply 49January 28, 2023 1:00 AM

[quote]Sometimes someone goes for it and she has a fling with a married co-worker who is her subordinate.

So, they fuck the fat boss to further their careers - a story as old as time.

by Anonymousreply 50January 28, 2023 2:13 AM

There was Emma Finch...

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 51January 28, 2023 2:17 AM

Ridiculous. Is this the 50’s?!

Women can’t “steal” men. If men cheat on their partners, that’s on them.

by Anonymousreply 52January 28, 2023 2:18 AM

I’m a woman. I was just talking about this to a guy friend. It’s a real thing. When I was in college, I had several friends who seemed to date only guys in relationships with other girls. When we became adults, they did the same with married guys—and some became the 2nd wife as a result.

I’ve never understood it but it’s a fairly common tick. I’ve always been the opposite—I’m completely turned off the minute I realize that the object of affection is in a relationship.

by Anonymousreply 53January 28, 2023 2:23 AM

Nobody's saying the guy has no or less blame. Can we stop igoring that it takes two to tango? There are absolutely women who get off on being chosen over the wife or girlfriend.

by Anonymousreply 54January 28, 2023 2:27 AM

That song Unholy which has been everywhere is the perfect example a gay man's fantasy about taking a straight guy from the wife and family. Anyway I'm sick of hearing it, why chase a closet case.

by Anonymousreply 55January 28, 2023 2:39 AM


by Anonymousreply 56January 28, 2023 2:48 AM

[quote]Women can’t “steal” men. If men cheat on their partners, that’s on them.

They can definitely be sued for it in some states. It's called Alienation of Affection.

by Anonymousreply 57January 28, 2023 9:18 AM

The best recent "Jolene"-style song

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 58January 28, 2023 8:58 PM

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 59January 28, 2023 9:12 PM

She sounds like a narcissistic attention seeker r10.

by Anonymousreply 60January 28, 2023 10:46 PM

R33 = cheating hag.

by Anonymousreply 61January 28, 2023 10:53 PM

Arrogant fatties always make me laugh r47.

by Anonymousreply 62January 28, 2023 10:57 PM

Many of these women had few if any female friends when younger. Some will possibly have been bullied by female classmates and so in adult life 'punish' women by taking their men.

by Anonymousreply 63January 28, 2023 10:58 PM

Even Julee Cruise sang about this:

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 64January 31, 2023 1:25 PM

As others have said, it's often the mark of a disordered personality. Elizabeth Gilbert summed up how easy it is in her infamous "Confessions of a Seduction Addict" piece:

[quote]If the man was already involved in a committed relationship, I knew that I didn’t need to be prettier or better than his existing girlfriend; I just needed to be different. (The novel doesn’t always win out over the familiar, mind you, but it often does.) The trick was to study the other woman and to become her opposite, thereby positioning myself to this man as a sparkling alternative to his regular life.

It's like shooting fish in a barrel, which is why it's almost morbidly pathetic, especially if the perpetrator never grows out of it.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 65January 31, 2023 1:32 PM

They enjoy making fools of weak, amoral men- and the simps who love them. And reinforcing their own dark view of the world as all just basically shallow whores.

by Anonymousreply 66January 31, 2023 2:36 PM

Because they like feeling better than the other woman and also that they were just soooo hot that he couldn’t resist even though it was wrong….it’s an ego thing. I get it.

by Anonymousreply 67January 31, 2023 2:41 PM

[quote]And reinforcing their own dark view of the world as all just basically shallow whores.


by Anonymousreply 68January 31, 2023 2:56 PM

R7 had the most astute (and correct) response to this thread.

by Anonymousreply 69January 31, 2023 5:11 PM

“Yeah I got him! I got yo man!” “Well, you can have him. I hope you like to cook and do laundry. And fiddle your own bean. Wait 6 months, he’ll change.”

by Anonymousreply 70January 31, 2023 5:13 PM

R65, R66 and R67 = The Frauen Chorus

by Anonymousreply 71January 31, 2023 5:55 PM
Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 72January 31, 2023 6:01 PM

R25 Lotsa truth to that but occasionally there's a happy ending.

Forty years ago a friend (or so I thought) of ours made a play for my then-boyfriend and bedded him. Unfortunately for them, the "friend" had the clap and shared it - something I knew maybe half an hour after they did. How did I know so quickly? Because I saw them walking out of the local STD clinic together as I drove by the hospital that Wednesday afternoon. It's not a good look, but neither the clap nor the fucking around pissed me off as much as knowing I'd welcomed the POS in my house and he'd eaten my food, drank my booze, smoked my pot and fucked my boyfriend who I wasn't very fond of at that point, either.

We broke up: I was devastated or so I thought, said "Fuck it," and went to NYC that weekend. The devastation didn't last. I met a guy that Saturday night who's now my husband. I was single for a grand total of three days. The sleazeball(s) didn't stay together more than a month or so: my replacement moved on to the next guy a couple of weeks later. My ex didn't find anyone to replace me or him for five years.

Que sera, sera.

by Anonymousreply 73January 31, 2023 7:02 PM


Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 74January 31, 2023 7:11 PM

[quote] It's like shooting fish in a barrel

Exactly. You offer the married man something different than what he's getting from his wife.

It's the 80/20 rule in action. The wife gives the man 80% of what he wants. The man eventually takes that 80% for granted, not appreciating that the 80% is coming from the wife.

Side woman shows up with 20% and man thinks she's 100% (because he has taken for granted that he's already getting 80% from his wife).

by Anonymousreply 75January 31, 2023 7:56 PM

Straight men frequently affair down, so to speak. The "other woman" is often overweight and/or less attractive than the wife.

But the other women knows that in order to keep the guy's attention, she has to go the extra mile in bed. That's really all she has to offer him. He is tied to his wife financially, familially, and socially, not sexually. The other woman takes advantage of this.

by Anonymousreply 76January 31, 2023 8:09 PM

When I was a slut I often had horse hung married fuckbuddies. I was the greediest cock pig in town, as far as they knew, and would worship their huge dongs in my deep deep throat and ass and be vocal about it. They loved the ego stroking. I never fell for any of them nor tried to steal them or anything.

by Anonymousreply 77January 31, 2023 8:25 PM

Are you a man or a woman, R77?

by Anonymousreply 78January 31, 2023 8:35 PM

He's a Pig R78

by Anonymousreply 79January 31, 2023 9:05 PM


by Anonymousreply 80January 31, 2023 9:43 PM

See, r77 is the kind of hoe Im talkin about!

by Anonymousreply 81January 31, 2023 10:12 PM

There's a difference between "stealing" men because you genuine enjoy fucking the guys in question and just stealing for the satisfaction of stealing.

It's the difference between stealing food cause you're poor and hungry vs stealing food when you're rich

by Anonymousreply 82January 31, 2023 10:15 PM

r82 whatever makes you feel better, hoe!

by Anonymousreply 83January 31, 2023 10:21 PM

You gotta let a hoe be a hoe

by Anonymousreply 84January 31, 2023 10:21 PM

R83 having your man's dick in mouth feels better 😘

by Anonymousreply 85January 31, 2023 10:24 PM

[quote] he has taken for granted that he's already getting 80% from his wife

never like his frau could ever be useless

by Anonymousreply 86February 1, 2023 12:27 AM
Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 87February 1, 2023 12:31 AM
Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 88February 1, 2023 12:33 AM

so, many tired old fraus in this thread. . .

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 89February 1, 2023 12:37 AM

It’s ‘ho. Not Hoe. A hoe turns over soil.

A ‘ho dips it and does it.

by Anonymousreply 90February 1, 2023 12:37 AM

to be real we all know the kind of midlife crisis frau these menz have to deal with

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 91February 1, 2023 12:47 AM

maybe if fraus stopped letting themselves get stolen by fags and other hags, they wouldn't be losing their boyfriends to anything that moves

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 92February 1, 2023 12:49 AM

The author of the seduction article is the same as Eat, Pray, Love. NY Post called her a con artist.

by Anonymousreply 93February 1, 2023 12:49 AM

🎵I want a nigga with a wedding ring, bank accounts in the Philippines Blank note to take everything See, I fuck him in the living room While his children ain't home, I make him eat it while my period on A little nasty hoe, red-bone, but a classy hoe Young jazzy hoe

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 94February 1, 2023 12:55 AM
Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 95February 1, 2023 12:56 AM
Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 96February 1, 2023 12:56 AM

This is the opinion piece R93 refers to. It calls her a sociopath for her Seduction Addict confessions while withholding judgment on the men who were willing participants. But mostly it slams her for other things.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 97February 1, 2023 1:00 AM
Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 98February 1, 2023 1:03 AM
Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 99February 1, 2023 1:04 AM

r97 and there's the frau hypocrisy men so adore..

by Anonymousreply 100February 1, 2023 1:06 AM
Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 101February 1, 2023 1:09 AM

Let's face it, Mama- I was the greediest cock pig in town!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 102February 1, 2023 8:25 AM
Need more help? Click Here.

Yes indeed, we too use "cookies." Take a look at our privacy/terms or if you just want to see the damn site without all this bureaucratic nonsense, click ACCEPT. Otherwise, you'll just have to find some other site for your pointless bitchery needs.


Become a contributor - post when you want with no ads!