Let's be Johnny Depp

I'm the penetrating odor. I'm a distinct mixture of BO, urine, and cigarette smoke.

R1 for the win.

I'm the body diary of tattoos.

R1 Don't forget 2nd day alcohol.

I am the ignorant, uneducated brat acting out from the sloshing, rotten guts and secret third liver.

I’m the animatronic Jack Sparrows in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, forever young and fit as the real Johnny drifts into hideous old age.

I'm The Ninth Gate, the only movie featuring a hot Depp.

That necrotic liver and digestive system really hurts..

I'm the meth fumes stuck in his unwashed hair.

I’m the Mouseboy who fucked his daughter in order to get more roles and become even more famous.

I'm the erectile dysfunction

I'm his private island retreat. Suck it losers.

I’m the depression and rage fits from decades of opiate, bento and cocaine addiction

*benzo not bento

I'm the hundreds of millions of squandered dollars down the shitter!

We're the personality disorders.

R14, have you seen recent pics?

I think ‘addicted to bento’ could stand.

I'm the long list of ex lovers who were all once "the love of my life".

I'm the "Winona Forever" tattoo, later changed to "Wino Forever."

I’m the Cherokee blood which explains my once exquisite bone structure and makes me seem more interesting than I am.

I'm the herpes medication and smegma.

What a bunch of horrible, nasty losers you are DL.

Do we have some gullible Amber Squad cunts hanging around here? We may not like what Johnny's done to his looks but at least he was handsome and made his private island fortune himself. Amber barely made anything at all and then threw it away in her failed blackmail scam against Johnny.

Lesbians don't have the patience for the long con. Always calling the U-Hauls too soon.

I'm the bandana. I come in many forms, colours, and smells.

R22 He was extremely overpaid for those pirate movies. It's not like he's been worked to the bone for his fortune. A few months work in exchange for millions; he got paid 90 million for the last one.

And how much has Jack fucking Sparrow earned for Disney? I hope Johnny took them to the cleaners for doing those films.

I never said it was backbreaking work. I said he made his "fuck you" money all by himself. He's no nepo baby. He's also a very nice, generous guy but he has his limits. Amber fucked around and found out.

R22, you miss the irony of your post, don't you?

After an exhausting amount of "Depp vs Heard" threads last year, here we were having a nice 2023 moment where we were just roasting him (as we've done to him for years on DL, before Heard was in the picture) in a classic format ("Let's Be..."), and you had to roll in here to turn it into another courtroom rehash.

Oh, and since you apparently missed this conclusion that many of us reached last year: they are both rich, abusive trash. One just had to fork out less cash in damages, was declared the "winner", and has gone on some mind-boggling victory tour looking like this:

R26, are you retarded?

Why would I care what you or anyone else decided about anything last year? Do you tailor all your posts to fall in line with what other people think? Do you have no actual thoughts of your own? How very odd.

I was having a perfectly fine time discussing what we were discussing in this thread, Jonny Depp, Pirates of the Carribbean and so forth. I don't require you or anyone else's instruction to discuss it differently nor do I need any suggestions from you at all.

You're that incredibly fucking tedious thread nanny who goes around trying to police everybody's posting, right? This is the Dataounge. Stop doing that.

You're both insufferable.

R25 He's not a nepo baby, but the only reason he broke into Hollywood is because his first wife had connections in the industry. She got him in touch with Nicholas Cage, who introduced him to agents and producers. Got the first role he ever auditioned for because the director's daughter thought he was cute. All of this good luck just because he had a nice face.

He had a terrible attitude when young and always thought he was too cool for acting. If he had to endlessly audition for commercials and bit parts, like other young actors desperate for work, there's no way he would have persevered.

The reason I mention his first wife is because Johnny made a big deal about Amber using him/his connections to further her career. It's okay for his first wife to help him, but it's terrible when Amber needs his help?

She "needed his help" when she lied, set him up with false charges and tried to rip him off for millions and millions in a quickie divorce to stop her lies about him?

I'm glad Johnny didn't "help her" with that shit.

R30 The unsealed court documents (which show Johnny in a very bad light) revealed that Amber was entitled to far more than the 7 million she got. If she's so desperate to take his millions, why did she refuse the higher offer? I'm not an Amber fan and know that she probably wanted him for money/connections, but I don't know why people act like it's so crazy that she could actually find him attractive. He was attractive well into his 40s; lots of young women still wanted him.

Anyone who paid attention to the legal mess can clearly see that Johnny Depp is a nightmare. He constantly accused her of cheating, despite having affairs himself. Urinated on her stuff and cut up the clothes in her wardrobe. Accused her of being a golddigger, but getting jealous when she worked. Wrote disgusting things about her to his friends. Mocked her for not having kids by 30, calling her over the hill. Being a control freak.

Even if you don't believe he hit her, his other behaviour make it obvious that he was emotionally abusive. He's a tyrant and also has a cult-like relationship with his staff and freaks out if anyone questions him in any way. He made his assistant smuggle drugs into Australia for him, not caring at all that if caught, the assistant could go to jail.

Are the Hilaria fraus here?

Why can't we do a simple Let's Be thread?

I'm the strange accent.

[quote] Let's be Johnny Depp

I’m a total POS, I know it, and don’t give two fucks.

I'm the blind eye.

I’m the constipation from the drugs.

I'm the stains. So, so many stains.

I'm the talent, remarkably in someone so beautiful in his mid-20s, but rarely developed any further, and so it's now limited in his 50s.

I'm the rock star friends.

I'm the legal fees.

I'm the recent album.

I'm his teeth.

I'm the post trial victory lap.

I'm the $30,000 worth of fine wine that I guzzle every month. But I'll drink muscatel if I have to.

I am the pretty boy looks coupled with barely passable talent that propelled me to stardom, while my less conventionally attractive but much more talented contemporaries had to settle for being character actors about five years into their careers.

I’m the seething rage you see when you penetrate my eyes .

Eww no

I’m 27. The age my fans claim that I look.

I'm the great beauty that once was...

I’ve soiled myself

I'm the natural good looks, opportunity and reputation that I've squandered.

I'm the bizarre attraction to killers and weirdos like Leslie Van Houten and Damien Echols.

I’m the brilliant and HIGHLY intelligent “actor”, who threw it all away, including true love, because of my mega-shitty, abusive mother, who was probably a sociopath, but I still believe I should love & revere her, when she afforded no such thing, to my sister, father, or me.

If I stopped boozing for at least 10 years, I’d still have a shot at something better & bigger than money.

Something that’s priceless, like true self love.

It’s hard to manifest my true, even schism like self into an intangible ideal, because my mother never demonstrably showed love towards us, hence never allowing us, or myself, to attach securely or organically in a healthy manner, to others.

If only I could overcome this?

I’d be the man I want everyone to desperately believe I am, because I genuinely AM that man, but I was taught to not believe it, or to believe anything within or outside of me, that indicated this to be true.

p.s.

I want the best for Johnny.

Always have, always will.

R53 I'm Johnny's deadbeat father who abandoned the family with their vicious mother, and I also hit my son. Somehow, only the mother is blamed for being abusive.

I'm the ghost of Ezra Miller's future! 👻

I’m his pairs of stinky pants that can stand up by themselves.

I'm toothpaste and proper dental hygiene.

[quote] I’ve soiled myself

Multiple times - I’m totally out of it and my shitter no longer works.

I'm the groupies.

I’m the unopened bars of soap and the expired cans of deodorant.

I'm the greasy funk under the pile of bracelets that never come off. Even in the shower, which face it,he hasn't been sober enough to take since '09. So I mostly just float and jangle in a soup of his filth in the tub, praying he doesn't pull a Whitney

I'm the $30,000 wine bill. Psst I'm actually coke and heroin.

I'm the smudged eyeliner that gives a just-woke-up look.

I'm the ascites.

I'm the Truth. Are you here for Me? I am full of Betrayal.

I'm Susan Downey, watching my husband bounce around the backyard playing the ukulele in a bunny rabbit suit and thinking "Well...this could be so much worse..."

I am the hope of redemption, growing fainter with every passing day.

I'm the Sauvage ad I feel like I've constantly been seeing for years and which still reads like 'Savage' at first glance.

I am the person who used to be called Donkey Dick (really!), who was reputed to be extremely kind to fans, and who praised his partner Vanessa in the in the tenderest, most loving terms imaginable.

I’m his rancid breath,the result of cigarettes, coffee and booze. Not to mention the lack of brushing between meals.

R70 Johnny is the one who used to call himself Donkey Dick when checking into hotels instead of using his real name.

He also called Vanessa a pain in the ass, an albatross and an extortionate cunt.