What worldly advice did you get from your parents?

Don't make love by the garden gate

cuz love is blind, but the neighbors ain't

Life ain't nothin' but bitches and money

My mom told me to never stay in a relationship with someone because I felt sorry for them.

Sleep juicy

Well they did tell me to do well in school.

Which made me professionally successful, upon which payback was demanded.

You lay, you pay.

R5 I’m in the same boat right now. The fuckers want their cut of MY hard earned money.

"Marry for money because you can love on any street corner."

Be a money marine - I hated this expression when I was younger, but now I take it to heart and save $50,000 a year.

If you're gonna be dumb you gotta be tough.

Oh, honey, don’t worry. The world needs ditch diggers too.

I’m not sure what she meant by that.

Me: "But she's so nice!"

Cheiko-san: "You've got to be nice when you're stupid."

Stop being fat

Mom always said, "Don't play ball in the house !"

Daddy alwayth thaid, "No one liketh a tattle-tale."

Learn to fart silently.

It’s easier to do a task right the first time than it is to re-do it.

You pay for everything you get.

Hard but it's fair

Nappy but it's hair

Don't join in a gang bang .

Don't sleep in the subway, darlin', don't stand in the pouring rain.

Measure twice, cut once.

Credit cards are for emergencies. If you can’t pay cash or debit, you can’t afford it. Save up for things you want.

Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.

R10, I got the corollary:

When you're stupid, you suffer.

"A stitch in time saves nine".

Very good advice which I try to always live by.

Question authority.

Don't take anything at face value.

Anyone who shows up at your house without calling first automatically goes on the shit list.

Avoid labels and generalizations.

You get what you pay for.

Don't act ugly.

Never flaunt your wealth.

Old money is better.

Lord loves a workin' man.

Don't trust whitey.

See a doctor and get rid of it.

Don't marry a moody girl.

Ugly people should be avoided.

There's money and glory ahead for all - if you keep your pants up.

You can fall in love with a rich man as easily as a poor man

"Don't trust a god damn soul"

Never marry a man who's prettier then you.

The honeymoon is over when the rent's come due.

Get the money up front and no kissing on the lips.

Immortal words from my father … “there’s nothing better than getting your own sweet way”

Don’t smoke in bed —Dad

No matter where you go, there you are —Mom

^^they say that in AA too r39 ("wherever you go, there you are" - as in you can move and do lots of things, but you still have to live with who you really are)

"Don't use your teeth."

OP's mom must've been fun when house-hunting.

None. They weren't that interested.

There’s a shoe for every foot.

Meh. My father, college educated and professional, told me the "Ivy League" was only for rich kids and I couldn't go there. Worst advice ever.

I asked my dad, who was into investments, whether it was true that if the market goes down you just ride it out and your investments will eventually make it back to where they were, and he said "NO!" And he was right.

[quote] I asked my dad, who was into investments, whether it was true that if the market goes down you just ride it out and your investments will eventually make it back to where they were, and he said "NO!" And he was right.

Not right if you're talking about investments for retirement, which is decades away.

“Human beings aren’t required to have children.”

My mother was ahead of her time. She took pains not to condition her children that we were required to have them and she never, ever said anything like, “When are you going to make me a grandmother?”

Miss you, Mom and Dad and I thank the Creator everyday that I was born to you

Just as easy to fall in love with a rich person as it is to fall in love with a poor person.

My father often repeated the maxim “Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.” (I now repeat the same back to him when he tries to tell me about something he heard on Fox News.)

My mom, used to yell at me these inspirational words of advice:

"Dammit Julie ! I told you not to...

...run away with Chuck."

...date a married man."

...have Schneider touch your ptivate parts."

...fall in love and get engaged to a man who is old enough to be your father."

...marry the best man standing at the altar on your wedding day outside on a cold winter's day in the park."

...leave Max and baby Annie to 'find yourself' at 24 years old."

...have a consensual sexual relationship with your drug-addicted father and tell the world about it."

You were right Mom, on all accounts. I became a lesbian since you warned me about relationships with men. You may be dead for the past ten years, but your words of advice still resonate with me. Thanks 'Ms Romano' !

From my dad:

Don't get your hopes up. Don't expect anything good.

Don't get married. Love only lasts two years, and after that, if you got married, then you're stuck.

Don't have kids.

You're not as smart as you think you are. You think you're hot shit. Well mister, I'm here to tell you ain't! You ain't jack shit! You'll never be able to make it on your own.

Quit your goddamn ballin'.

You're dumber than Hell. You'll never amount to nothin'.

[quote] Quit your goddamn ballin'.

I hope they really meant "bawling."

Oh, [italic]dear.[/italic]

"Mustn't twitch!"

“You will too lick your sister’s pussy if she gets horny”!

Never go out without your rubbers.

Be true to your teeth, or they'll be false to you.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

“Gays are creeps. Be safe.”

Never volunteer information or for anything.

Make sure you graduate from high school. Anything after that is up to you.

Any telephone call after 10 pm is bad news. She was right, too. She died around 10:30 pm. I immediately knew when the phone rang (she had Alzheimer's and had stopped eating.)

Remember, your asshole isn’t like a pussy.

From my godmother: "Assume the worst, and be pleasantly surprised later if you're wrong."

From an old boss: "Honey, men are the frosting. Bake your own cake."

You're probably going to have pain all your life

GET USED TO IT

My mother was always fond of quoting from Dolores Claiborne. Not a stitch of irony intended, she can be very unintentionally funny.

There was a girl I took to a school dance, her mother shouted out the door:

"Remember, good girls don't take it up the ass"

(It's questionable if she knew I was a fruit or that her daughter would inevitably go thru a slut phase)

"Never admit anything to a cop until you talk to your lawyer"

😉

"Everything comes at a price"

[quote] "Remember, good girls don't take it up the ass"

If only my mother had told me that!

Buy good shoes; you only get one pair of feet.

It's a sin to tell a lie.

No platitudes from my parents but they have given me a lot of good advice and guidance over the years.

When I was looking to buy an apartment in NYC after over 20 years of being a renter, I was getting very discouraged and nothing in my price range was coming close to being anywhere I wanted to live. I grew up in the suburbs outside NYC. When I was complaining about the NYC market falling short of what I was looking for my dad said in a way that was just enough to plant an idea in my head, “You know, for that budget you could get an amazing house with everything you’re looking for” in my hometown. I ended up buying a place one town over and it is everything I could ever want. I am grateful for that. My mom tends to have a heavy handed approach and if she insisted I should just move back to my hometown I would have instinctively written it off.

My parents have all the kids one piece of fantastic advice:

Never, never, never give up!

r67

First rule of family gatherings, always bring your own vehicle so you can leave when you want.

Never mixsh, never worry!

"Never mix coloreds with whites."

Best advice my mother could've given me way back when, and despite the progress made in the past 50 years, it still holds true today.

(BTW, she was talking about doing the laundry.)

It'll hurt less if you bear down like you're taking a dump. - My dad.

R78 was 4 yrs old

'Don't shit where you eat."

"Everyone different". was pretty much the only thing

[quote] First rule of family gatherings, always bring your own vehicle so you can leave when you want.

That's a good one. It's also good to have a hotel room for yourself (vs. staying with a relative).

"Don't carry credit card debt!"

Of course I have many times when I had no money. Oh well, all paid off now!

R72, that's a nice story. Your dad sounds like a good guy and I'm sure he's happy that you're back in town.

When I was in my 20s, I went out to dinner in a fancy restaurant in Alexnandia, Va. It was quite an experience. Along the way, we learned that the Vice President, Walter Mondale,was having dinner in another room. A day or two later, I was visiting my folks and mentioned this. My dad, not skipping.a beat, asked "Did he know you were there?" In spite of the (obvious) answer, in this moment, my Dad sent me free.

File your estimated taxes on time. Check the oil in your car. Call your mother she's worried about you.

I had and still have a very bad sense of direction, when driving. Before the days of GPS and Google maps, my dad was giving me directions on how to get somewhere. I was nervous and he said that, as long as I had enough gas in the car, don't worry.

The quality is long remembered after the price is forgotten!

My dad was a very frugal, modest guy so I believed him.

[quote]When people show you who they are, believe them.

Your MOTHER said that? - I thought it was Oprah's friend - that fat woman.

My mom once heard someone say, “the quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket” and she repeated that a bunch when I was growing up. Not religiously, but often enough. I did waste a lot of money on stupid shit when I was a kid, so she had a point.

I still think of that when I’m buying things I don’t really need. I need to spend less and start saving.

1. Put the maximum into your 401K. Or, "pay yourself first" and put it away.

2. Floss.

3. From my frugal hostess with the mostess mother: "Always buy good gin and cheap vodka".

“Most people deserve a second chance. Almost no one deserves a third chance.”

— Mom

They pushed a university education and to only have one child. I have a university education and two children.

Never use credit cards or buy anything on credit, not even a house.

Never take a short man into your confidence.

If you find currency with consecutive serial numbers, save them. Forever.

Everyone who every calls you or visits you wants something from you. Including your family and your siblings.

Trust absolutely no one.

Never tell anyone any financial information about yourself.

If you rent, your monthly rent should be less than 15% of your after-tax salary.

You will miss us when we are gone.

R94

[quote] If you rent, your monthly rent should be less than 15% of your after-tax salary.

God bless.. good old times!

"Never vote Republican. Always vote for a Democrat."

Sound advice that I still give to younger people today.

Prelube, prelube, prelube!

Be an amazing maid in the living room, a top chef in the kitchen, and a dirty whore in the bedroom.

I can't think of a SINGLE thing.

Never throw out an evening dress, as most of them never go out of style… as long as your figure doesn’t.

Get a college degree and save your pennies. Simple but very few seem to know how to do it.

My parents told me they would move Heaven and earth if I ever got arrested. They said thus after complimenting me on my legs. I was 19.

My mother told me to 'get my face fixed' when I was 19. Once I did, and turned into a raving beauty, she told me to 'spread my legs wide' whenever I went out on a date with a wealthy young man. I did that, too, and got married to one of the wealthiest men at the time. She then said, 'get everything in your name' - I did that, too. She advised me to 'grift' as much as possible, so I made a career out of it. I thanked her for all her advice, right before I pushed her down the flight of stairs in her Manhattan apartment, that fateful day in July last year.

My mom told me her mother’s advice on birds and bees was literally something along the lines of “Wham bam thank you ma’am…”

Mom told me not to fart on the food I serve to family and friends because they might do it to my food in the future.

Don’t step on a subway crack because you’ll break your mother’s back.

Pull a button when you see a nun.

Don’t drink water standing up because it will all go to your knees.

That’s as deep as it got.

From my very funny dad-

Show me a "good loser" and I'll show you a loser!

He won't buy the cow if he can get the milk for free.

My mom used to tell me to always know where the exits were in public venues, especially theaters.

I sort of do that now. On 9/11 I didn’t know how to get out of my building (fortunately, other people did) and I realized she had a point.

When your office has a fire drill, pay attention.

Guilt is a pointless emotion.

Education is something no one can take away from you.

Do not have children unless you REALLY want them.

This is so true R110.

You can fix a bad house but not a bad location. Location, location, location... it's everything.

Lie back and think of England.

At some point don't you just have to let this type of shit go?

I remember mama said:

You Can't Hurry Love

No, you just have to wait

She said love don't come easy

It's a gam of give-and-take

You can't hurry love

No, you just have to wait

You gotta trust, give it time

No matter how long it takes

Just be nice to the gentlemen, Fancy, and they'll be nice to you.

Don’t buy a house with a woman. That’s really about all the advice a parent ever gave me the rest was coershion.

Nobody ever said life was fair. I'm bigger and I'm faster. I will always beat you.

From my mother: "Be sure when putting the frog into the blender to do it feet first, so you get to see its facial expression."

...okay, I admit I made that one up on my own...

Don't go for second best; put your love to the test

Make him express how he feels, then you'll know your love is real

“Never let ‘em cum in your ass.”

It was the ‘80s.

[quote] Guilt is a pointless emotion.

I think guilt is useful if it leads to not repeating bad behaviors, apologizing, learning from mistakes, etc.

Just lean back and think of England.

"Men never make passes at girls with small asses."

"You're gonna grow up to be just like me and thank God I won't be around to see it"

Real estate is the best investment you can make.

[quote]Just lean back and think of England.

It's lie back not lean back. LOL.

There's a big difference between gurl and girl.

Never force a fart

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn

Always keep the soles of your feet moisturized, because they frame your face

1

Marry Black

A moment on the lips = a lifetime on the hips.

[quote]the rest was coershion.

It was WHAT now!

"Never eat a ham sandwich when you're in bed."

-Cass Elliott

When buying clothes, my mom would always "check it out," i.e., look at all of the seams, maybe turn the garment inside out.

Live your life in a way, you will never say, I wish I had done that.

Don’t finance a depreciating asset.

SAVE SAVE SAVE.

Always live below your means

NEVER pay interest. Interest is only to be earned, not paid.

Treat the people you hire to work for you right, and they'll do right by you.

"I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy."

Had I but listened...

You can never have too many hats, gloves, and shoes.

It's better to be pissed off, than pissed on.

If people let you, be their best friend. But if they force you, be their worst enemy.

Had I but listened, r141!

Sometimes you're the statue.

Sometimes you're the bird.

oops- parents DIDN'T say that

Mom: You only have one chance to make a first impression.

Dad: Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

Learning how to fart without a sound is a fine art

Get it in writing.

R130 😂🤣

Everything that's any good in life is either illegal, immoral, fattening, or causes cancer.

From my mother: "say what you mean, and mean what you say"

"Show world you teets and poosy and you be famous"

Wear less makeup and more underwear

Mother was teetotaller and she said there are three forms of poison. Beer OR wine OR fancy spirits.

If you insist on poisoning yourself, drink only ONE of the three per day! Never drink from more than one of those three per day.

You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em Know when to walk away and know when to run You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealing's done

“Be a leader, not a follower.”

Then later on: “Be a cheerleader and not a football player.”

Tampons are for WHORES!

Be a roadie, not a groupie.

Always stop a moving rocking chair when you leave a room- otherwise it invites the dead to come sit in it.

I remember last summer, Mother said to me:

"Trust me, looks aren't everything. Be happy you'll inherit your father's money."

Always leave the party while you’re still having a good time.

Mom was a hearty old, untrusting and snooty Bostonian.

She had this wonderful old Yankee saying that has served me well- about falling in love, trusting new friends, or investing with a potential business partner.

“You better check for teeth before you wrap that fox too tight around your neck.”

It’s SO true!

"Two wrongs don't make a right"

My mom always used to say, "Just be yourself."

Mother: "Everything has its place, and everything in its place" i.e. put shit back where you found it.

I remember standing at the top of the staircase with Mom that fateful day in mid-July, when she turned to me and said :

"Trust me, looks aren't everything. Be happy you'll inherit your father's money."

- Eric Trump

Keep good grades Go to a prestigious uni Go for STEM majors --- you wouldn't be very wealthy but at least your life will be better than most of people around your age

Snitches get stitches, bitch.

I remember being slapped around the restroom by Mom in a fancy Manhattan restaurant, that fateful day when I was fifteen. Then she wiped my bloody nose and said :

"Trust me, looks aren't everything. Be happy you'll inherit your father's money."

You made your bed, sleep in it. Got wrinkles? Iron them out.

I understand the point, but this was in desperate need of an exit clause.

From my Gran - 'The more you cry, the less you pee'

Didn't understand it when I was little, nor now, but it still makes me laugh to this day.

"Wash ass and poosy front to back"

Clasp your necklaces, chains, bracelets, etc. to prevent them from getting tangled up in the jewelry box.

Rewind all your cassettes and videos.

Twice your annual salary is what you should pay for a house.

Kissin' don't last -- cookin' do.