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When do you consider somebody a lost cause?

My nephew is 25. He was working as a cruise ship mechanic but got fired because he failed a drug test (he's a recreational cocaine and canabis user). He's always coming up with get-rich-quick schemes, parties too much and dates crazy girls. He's now working in a casino, despite having a long-term gambling problem.

He got one of his flings pregnant. He'll be a father in two months, but has no interest in the baby and isn't in a relationship with the mother. He's still going out to clubs all the time, hooking up with girls, crashed his car into a ditch and got a DUI. He lives with a stoner roommate. When drunk, he's extremely careless and once fell on train tracks but was helped by a passerby.

He's always been this way, and never grew out of his teenage rebellion stage. According to his father (my brother), my nephew has a huge piggy bank with almost $100k inside--nobody knows how he got that money.

What about you? Do you know any lost causes?

by Anonymousreply 31January 24, 2023 5:10 AM

Eventually you have to walk away for your own self preservation. You'll know when it's time.

by Anonymousreply 1January 23, 2023 10:00 PM

When the rest of your family won't face up to the problem.

by Anonymousreply 2January 23, 2023 10:01 PM

He won't change until he hits rock bottom - hey, that phrase can go with the other thread too!

by Anonymousreply 3January 23, 2023 10:05 PM

Does the nephew have nude pics?

by Anonymousreply 4January 23, 2023 10:06 PM


by Anonymousreply 5January 23, 2023 10:07 PM

My cousin—she’s highly educated but can’t hold a job. She’s truly a complete ditz.

I tried to give advice when we were younger but she just could never follow through. I have up

by Anonymousreply 6January 23, 2023 10:08 PM

My pussy always acts up at night. I like to smack it around, see? Make it feel reeeeeal good.

by Anonymousreply 7January 23, 2023 10:10 PM

R5 But what about the baby?

by Anonymousreply 8January 23, 2023 10:13 PM

OP, I see so many red flags in your description I’m amazed your nephew hasn’t been gored by a bull.

by Anonymousreply 9January 23, 2023 10:15 PM

At this point I would consider the 25 year old nephew a bad risk, not a lost cause.

Step back from anything to do with him and wait to see if he straightens up and matures. Not everyone chooses to do that but some people just get to it very late. Detach and watch.

by Anonymousreply 10January 23, 2023 10:15 PM

The worst EST brother ever!

by Anonymousreply 11January 23, 2023 10:22 PM

I mean nephew!

by Anonymousreply 12January 23, 2023 10:23 PM

Someone is a "lost cause" when other people's attempts to change or influence them have no chance of succeeding or when they're simply a cause not worth fighting for anymore.

The nephew was a lost cause a long time ago, OP.

by Anonymousreply 13January 23, 2023 10:27 PM

You don’t force change unless you’re a prison

You must want to change,

by Anonymousreply 14January 23, 2023 10:28 PM

R4 No, but he is rather good looking. Like a young Vlado Kalember.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 15January 23, 2023 10:41 PM

I have a suggestion, but you're about nineteen years too late.

by Anonymousreply 16January 23, 2023 10:48 PM

It's possible, but unlikely he will ever change. I have had personal experience with these types. Save yourself.

by Anonymousreply 17January 23, 2023 10:49 PM

I can't believe the number of people who are on drugs these days, both street drugs and prescription. It seems to be much higher than in the past.

by Anonymousreply 18January 23, 2023 10:52 PM

He’s only 25. Plenty of time to clean up his act. But the motivation needs to come from within himself. Nothing you or anybody else can do.

by Anonymousreply 19January 23, 2023 10:55 PM

-When you can't believe a word they say

-When they can't keep track of their own lies and when you question them, they can't remember what they said, but are the first to get super defensive and make it YOUR ISSUE.

-Are proud of their dysfunctional behavior and/or diagnosed (or supposed) psych disorders. "I know I'm so OCD. I need time to process. My meds are bugging me, this weight gain! I think I'll stop."

-They never ask about you, or if they do they are only bringing said topic up because they can parallel a (bigger) story of their own.

by Anonymousreply 20January 23, 2023 10:56 PM

25 is way too young to write someone off.

I myself was a raging drunk from 18 to my early 30's. I settled down.

That said, I would not give my past self any money unless I was on the verge of homelessness. You can show you care/support without enabling.

by Anonymousreply 21January 23, 2023 10:59 PM

A drug addict with $100,000 saved at age 25?

by Anonymousreply 22January 23, 2023 11:00 PM

[quote]A drug addict with $100,000 saved at age 25?

[quote]He was working as a cruise ship mechanic but got fired because he failed a drug test (he's a recreational cocaine and canabis user)

Working on a ship means basically no expenses, pot is cheap, and it depends on how much money he puts up his nose, but I could see it. Being a mechanic is not a skill many have (ship/car/plane, etc.)

by Anonymousreply 23January 23, 2023 11:08 PM

Or he's been involved in something criminal like drug smuggling or dealing.

by Anonymousreply 24January 23, 2023 11:16 PM

I fucked your nephew, OP. Say what you will, when he wants it he really wants it.

But you know that already, donchya, Unk?

by Anonymousreply 25January 23, 2023 11:22 PM

Yeh my little brother. I kept trying until I was about 30 (he's 4 yrs younger) then gave up. I don't have a clue what he's doing now, but I know he has 2 kids way out in Wyoming.

by Anonymousreply 26January 23, 2023 11:24 PM

I take it he turned your offer down for porn.

by Anonymousreply 27January 23, 2023 11:39 PM

Put this boy on suicide watch. Stat!

by Anonymousreply 28January 23, 2023 11:45 PM

I'd be concerned about where that $100k came from. How can you earn that on a cruise ship? Drug dealers don't like when money goes missing.

by Anonymousreply 29January 23, 2023 11:52 PM

The 100k is fantastic, although I had it at 25 from an inheritance and just blew it in about two years.

by Anonymousreply 30January 23, 2023 11:57 PM

But I bet they were a fun two years.

by Anonymousreply 31January 24, 2023 5:10 AM
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